welcome to my talk about living in with
ADHD in infosec um I'm TR and a huge
thanks to all of those who helped me
coming here all the way from Copenhagen
Denmark that's in Europe by the way um
you know who you are uh some of you want
to Anonymous which is cool I don't care
I I got the money
so anyway anyway obviously this is a
very personal talk uh I do it to raise
awareness about what adhc also is and um
to break down taboo and hopefully
Inspire others to break down the too as
well to get a diagnosis or just get a
better
life um the illustration to me that's
very accurate about what adsd is
because it's never it's never quiet your
brain is never quiet it's a show so
uh I think that Illustrated quite
well um unfortunately time only permits
a very condensed version of my talk
usually it's like 30 35 minutes so on
the last slides I I will have a QR code
where where you can download the
recording from the talk I did at bide
Dublin a couple months ago uh and you
can also find a QR code to download
these slides so you don't have to you
know take shots of it other than of the
lifeline of
course yeah and uh presentation even
needs to have memes or a p of cats I
don't have memes so yeah uh anyone if
anyone of you has black have have black
pets you know the pain because first of
all uh you can't take photos of them and
when you do when you show the photos no
no one can see them but but know there's
two cats there it's not my it's not my
weird head weird head shape or anything
um I have those two and a wife uh I live
in Copenhagen Denmark uh I'm
48 I've been in infex since 2004 and
during that time I've gained experience
with other areas of security because for
some reason I I always want to try
something new and never become good at
it yeah doesn't ring a
bell all right uh after being diagnosed
in 2019 and me and Jason from from bhis
my career took a couple of turns to fit
my um my newly found situation better um
also catch sniffing as a
thing it's not
rumors uh and you're not really to do
it um the best thing that happened in my
career was the two was was the two last
time I was fired in the last two years
uh because it was a good opportunity
opportunity for me to stop to stop and
reflect over my situation and let me
start from the beginning because you see
I may look relatively normal but uh look
deceive because I have ADHD and that's
okay I was diagnosed four four years ago
and that's not normal uh not uncommon
with my type of ADHD um which has no
hyperactivity at all
um so so there's no so there's none of
the usual tell Telltale sign like you
know Annoying kids that can to in school
which is I guess it's a stereotypical
image of
ADHD so getting the diagnosis that
explained really a lot to me because I
had increasing problems concentrating
for the last 15 years without really
having no clue why because once you're
adult yeah you're on your own that sucks
I mean that's good um and also it got
increasingly harder for me to get to get
a job I I cared about and and to remain
in that job um
because um as it turns out when you're
not very good at concentrating when you
are in a job that sort of requires that
then you're not the best in that job so
yeah that was definitely one reason of
many um of to me not having those to me
having those short those short
Employments and getting fired over and
over and so to burden me and and my wife
and something had to change
obviously but first let me tell you a
little bit about ADHD because I didn't
know anything really about ADHD before I
start before I was diagnosed I really
still don't know why I went to the
doctor and asked if it was a possibility
for because really I had no clue I still
had the had the idea that it was just
sterotypical annoying kids that cancer
still in school and if if that if you
don't fit into that then you don't have
then you don't have adfd and and yet
today there are people that think that
ads is only for kids it's not trust me
all right so as I said I I I didn't know
anything so assume you I assume you
don't either maybe so welcome to ADHD
101 ADHD stand for attention deficit SL
hyperactivity disorder that means you
can have one or you can have both and
still it's symptoms vary but it's the
same thing in your brain that doesn't
really work quite well so it's the same
um some so without without Hy
hyperactivity uh is sometime called add
that's not the case in the US everything
is ADHD in Denmark it's a little bit
probably still um ASD can take many
shapes and forms and but yet many many
things can be in common and and
connected and when I found out it was to
me it was groundbreaking because all of
a sudden There Was an
explanation and sort of a link between
all those witch stuff that has always
been
there so if you want to see for yourself
I recommend
Whos as SRS adult ADHD self-report scale
it's a it's horrible name but because
the first time I saw this it just blew
me away because suddenly there was like
there was a reason and a connection
between many of those things that have
been driving me and my wife
nuts for all these years all those
things that you just do and well who
knows I don't so and here's the QR code
where you can after my talk uh see for
yourself so an important thing to say
about ADHD and any other kind of mental
diagnosis I guess is is that you are not
adsd you have adsd and with that I mean
that you have challenges um but they can
be overcome so in either case it's not
an excuse it can be an explanation and I
admittedly it can be hard to find out
what's an excuse and and what is an
explanation and how to go from one to
the other for instance what do you there
are some things that doesn't matter how
many how many times your wife is going
to scream scream at you or your
significant daughter as it's called here
in the US I've heard the screams that
you you're not going to be better at it
but when are you going to realize that
are you going to say are you going to
sell them my front keep on screaming it
doesn't work or do you or will you
actually make an effort to try and
become better to me that's been very
very hard and I don't have I don't have
an answer just saying it's it's hard
right so to me key knowledge right so
know about ADHD in general uh um know
yourself so you can mitigate there's a
risk we mitigate risk that's what we do
in
security so I came across this the ADHD
Iceberg uh looking for a way to
illustrate what ADC is as well as common
misperception so yeah so what you see
over the line is what people think it is
right toble focusing fing and that's
what that that's what it is but as you
can see there is there's much more um it
it covers all ADC meaning you probably
don't have it all I don't have it all
and but for me Focus that's that's the
thing my brain just don't want to I mean
when whenever I try to focus it just
want to do something else literally
everything else so that's a problem of
course no no no matter what I do in
life um and also sensory processing
disorder that means that's a fancy word
I had to look it up but it means that
you rarely have any um feel any mood
swings you're not really happy you're
not really sad the sad thing of course
is good but the happy not so much but
that's how it is and then there's all
the other things like poor sense of time
I'm a l of planner really um trouble
recalling common words you that's
annoying trust me really really annoying
um especially in my in my in my my
mother mother tongue it's called yeah
still
annoying um difficulty switching
tasks um yep that's um so so so when so
when somebody come come to talk to me
when I'm when I'm focusing it takes
forever to get out and in and you know
how it is I guess uh Choice paralysis I
hate Netflix I mean there's too many
choices and and I know I know your
Americans obsessed by by by choices but
every every time I go to us I usually go
to the to the cial alss in the Super
Market because you've like 50 and I'm
like what what why why I I really feel
every time I'm in the US I think
somebody should really ask the question
why a lot
more anyway back on
track
um yeah uh what was that one yeah
forgetting fors 0.2 seconds after
getting
them yeah yeah well to me to me it maybe
take like 5 seconds but still um yeah
and I'm also better remembering name so
don't take it
personal uh as well as movies and TV
shows which by the way is not always a
bad thing because um um that makes me
that that makes me able to rewatch The
Mandalorian when whenever I'm tired of
all the other spinoffs right because I
can't remember it and it and I just
remember it was great and probably also
it's the second time maybe it'll
take um and also All or Nothing um I'm a
security adviser and some and when my
customer don't want to go all in and do
everything they should I really want to
tell them to go them but of course I
don't yeah but you know it it's kind of
black and white and if people don't
understand that they're they're idiots
right oh sorry
um uh yeah executive dysfunctions that's
another word I I have to had to look up
sometimes I just say stuff right and
some and sometimes that's a really bad
idea oh yeah yeah I know I I I had a I
had a feeling of
resonate uh difficulty following and
maintaining conversations it's to me
it's not so bad unless I meet someone
with the same diagnosis I mean we're
just talking all over the place and I
have no idea how we how we went there
and nobody does but it was uh fun I
think or confusing I don't know um
chronic unemployment okay that's not so
bad but when you look at statistics you
can you can you really see a big
difference between neurotypical people
and ADC or I was I don't look at HD
people because the problem one of the
challenge is that your brain doesn't
always work and if you're forced to work
when your brain doesn't work then you're
screwed and so so there is over
reputation of of people getting fired or
the chance of getting fired best chance
of getting fired when you have ADHD is
um significantly bigger than and that
and that's what that's what I me meant
what I what I said before that I had TRS
first of all finding something something
I care about and and keeping
it yeah all right but looking at this
overall picture picture I do feel um
lucky I mean if nothing else you can use
it you can use it to feel good about
yourself because you could have been
much worse trust me I I back back in
Denmark I I I meet with other other
other adults and everybody nearly is in
is unemployed because they can't they
can't have a job so yeah could have been
worse could have been worse just just
keep on thinking that um coping this is
a list of things I've done to to to go
better and maybe it can help you as well
um understanding of adsd is vital so you
can so you can mitigate um my biggest
mitigation is viance is C something else
in Denmark but that's that's abely
question is still amphetamin and
amphetamin makes my brain work all day
it's
fantastic exactly yeah you yeah we yeah
I'm I'm not the only one and Ian as well
but that's another story um so it made a
huge difference for me um it it it makes
me it makes me first of all it makes me
be awake all day also physically and I'm
better at Deep conversations with your
sign with your significant other that's
that's you you need to find an easier
word for that okay because sometimes 15
minutes is not enough when there's
something really important you really
have to say and sometimes when they keep
repeating it because you don't
understand and after two hours it's not
better because because you fell asleep
like hell an hour and a half ago at
least mentally and also board games we
like that um so I've always loved board
games and Legos uh but it has mostly
been in theory and computer games I
really love it in theory
and headphones with ads focus music it's
not it's not a a Spotify playlist but if
you search for it you'll find it and I
found that if I start listening to that
on my headphones before I start working
then for some reason my brain doesn't
mind too much AC focusing so that's good
that's a life hack and for
free this happy indan guy he started a
thing called ol of living in in India
and when you look at it it kind of looks
like a cult and maybe it is I don't care
um the thing is he invented sort of a
bre sort of breeding exercises it's a
serious of things you do I do it every
morning takes 30 minutes and when I'm
done my brain is quiet it's fantastic I
have no idea what it is I don't care
about the cold part it
works and it's and it's all one is they
they they have workshops all over the
world so and the job situation yeah what
about
that uh um yeah so back to getting back
to why getting fired was a good thing
the first time I was fired I that was my
first change in career path I went from
security advisory into
being what you could call a community
manager in a um open source startup
where had to know about open open source
Linux I knew that uh security and
community and so that was that was great
I really loved it until they decided
they wanted something else but anyway
also the funny thing was that my wife
was yeah you're going to get fired
anyway and I was like no no no it's not
going to happen I love
it I I really hate it when she's right
but anyway the second time I was fired
um that g that g gave me the gave me the
opportunity to be to experience a whole
new career path uh where where I was
inspired to um to do you know some last
adjustments because uh my wife is a very
very smart woman she actually is but
that's not that's another story um she
said that if you keep on doing the same
the same thing will
happen yeah exactly so so she um she
inspired me to go freelance I had no
um uh no it wasn't an idea of my own but
when she said it it makes sense because
then you can really decide upon your own
what you want to do when you want to do
it it's like nothing can go wrong right
um but anyway I I figured that was a
good idea so so I did that and uh I'm
still here and I got someone to pay for
the trip here so
somehow being a freelancer is easier
it's simpler because if you don't do
your job properly then you won't then
you won't get another job and you will
get fired and you won't get money and
you know that's so simply my you bring
can understand it so that's uh that's
motivating
right all right here's no view of things
I learned I learned along the way and
maybe it can help you um if you're in a
similar situation no problem don't fix
it meaning that if you don't have a
problem there's no reason to get to get
diagnosis because once you have the
diagnosis I don't know if it's if if
that's the same in US you can probably
get like fake idency but in but in
Denmark you can't so once you have the
stamp that stamp say diagnosis you have
it for the rest of your life so that
means for instance um I can't get life
insurance because insurance companies
are stupid they tend to know about ADHD
and think I'm a high-risk person and I
and admitted if if I was like glowing
hyperactive yes then I would probably do
stupid things but I hate stupid thing
stupid things right so I don't so they
just look with the statistics and say
adsd no so them
anyway adsd is normal to have especially
in our line of business I have no
statistic I haven't done anything
scientific but so I have a totally
unscientific proof that there is an over
representation of of people with
diagnosis because in our line of
business um you we use those neuro
neurodiversity treat traits as something
good for instance like a p analyst that
that that that digs into the log and
they almost almost don't breathe until
they found out what it is that's hyper
focus and that's a good thing but the
thing is that that's not all there is to
it right um so find your weaknesses
superpowers you can kind of compare it
to being short sided it's completely
normal if you short sided to get glasses
why is it not the same thing if you have
ADHD find out what makes it better or or
what helps you being more normal I met I
I met oh normal such a bad word
anyway neurotypical I think that's the
right word anyway I I met a guy when I
was in beside frankfur a couple of weeks
ago who said that he he wrote he he he
he had written he had literally written
a manual for people in his vicinity that
said well I'm like this do like this so
it was to me it was both both brilliant
and really really weird but mostly
brilliant so Embrace and accept your
weaknesses find out what helps you
mitigate them
and talking about superpowers
um yes this is that was the most
advanced animation I could get Google
Slides doing I I really hope you enjoyed
it maybe we should do it
again oh yeah all right well talking
about talking about superpowers I I also
found another Iceberg this is the adsd
strains Iceberg which tells you what
which which says that what what adsd
people can be good at
because the I guess a stereotypical per
perception of of what ADC are good at is
talking fast and creativity but as you
see there is much more down there um for
instance literally anything they find
interesting anyone recognize this yeah
uh
authenticity what you see is what you
get luckily where I come from that's
mostly a good
thing uh brainstorming
creativity I am really good at getting
you know idea number two somebody else
get the first idea I have tons but
before that I'm
blank optimism SL stupidity I mean what
can go wrong with this freance thing I
can't think of
anything and yes I'm incredibly funny at
least I think so
myself and I made you laugh all right
more Lessons Learned when uh when people
know that you're not near typical they
can better understand because it's
really hard
um and that and I guess that's a that's
a personal experience that your wife
cannot stay mad at you if you know if if
if she knows why you did that stupid
thing that's that's a that's a pro- life
tip um and that goes to friends and you
know what it even goes for employers
because as as I was about to say before
that so analyst that that's really good
at what they do because they're NE
typical that also means that it probably
don't fit into a box like everyone else
and as I see it an employer should care
about one thing sorry two thing that
that whatever they should the employee
should do that is done in the right time
in the right quality they shouldn't care
about anything else they shouldn't care
about when where how whatever so that
means that that they should embrace the
opport the opportunity to work when your
brain works how your brain works for
instance where I have an assignment now
at a at a dous company and I talked to
my manager about all this ad stuff and
he said that one of his employees they
have I I think I I guess it's the same
thing in the US with it's very modern
with u uh with with not with not having
the same seat every day so he's he told
me that one of him one of one of his
employees whenever he had to change his
seat it took him three hour uh sorry
three weeks to get back in normal so I
mean what do we do in this case do we
see do do you say well this is com this
is company policy or maybe do you you
know look at him and say okay that's
fine just sit whatever you want to I'll
make sure it no what nobody bother it
you that's the same thing yeah and of
course the the the the best argument for
being open is that it it's bad business
to end up in a situation where it have
to fire you it's bad for them it's bad
for you so I always I've always been a
strong believer in in selling things
like this I really hate sugar cating
it's it takes up processing power and
it's so in this case it's it's
it's also it also uh to me it also makes
sense and also and again sorry and if
that if and if it backfires if if they
look better at you then well you're
literally better off somewhere
else um and if you met one person with
adsd you've met one person with adsd
that's how it is everyone's adsd is
different um and to say I have to scbe
my ad and yours uh is probably
different um the final words I started
doing this to help others out and I'm
happy to I've done this the last six
months or so in Europe This Is by the
way an a US Premier I forgot to say that
um oh anyway and I know that I've helped
out a lot of people and um and that
makes me happy and um I um hope I've
done the same here
today um if you need my help there's a
lot of ways oh I forgot to update the
whatever the new logo is uh and and and
and I've said for a long time that I
have have a website coming out soon but
now it's actually true because start
earning money in my company so now I can
hire somebody and I've done it so yeah
and uh opinions I have a lot of these
it's not always they're not always
qualified but I have them and whatever
whatever else else I can help with and
by the way I don't know I don't know if
if I said this but I'm a freelance so
and I can do I can do things from the
internet
okay or in person I I I like being in
the US to a certain
degree anyway way if you want to
download the slides that's the top QR
code if you want to download download
the bside D talk that's down that's the
the lower one and uh thank you