1 00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:12,470 ‫I hope you worked through the exercises on self-confidence in Video three, and now welcome to video 2 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:12,920 ‫for. 3 00:00:15,210 --> 00:00:20,850 ‫Self-confidence is such a big issue for people these days, I believe it would be worthwhile to develop 4 00:00:20,850 --> 00:00:22,980 ‫a whole video program for the subject. 5 00:00:24,210 --> 00:00:28,350 ‫I want to add to the previous material I have discussed with you already. 6 00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:33,110 ‫You know, some people think that self-confidence is like a long journey. 7 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:40,860 ‫What they do is they assess where they are currently in the self-confidence, stakes, and then try 8 00:00:40,860 --> 00:00:46,600 ‫to work out what they need to do to reach the self-confidence arrival lounge. 9 00:00:47,550 --> 00:00:54,480 ‫The trouble with this is that some people may feel the journey is too long and arduous and there are 10 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:58,980 ‫too many setbacks on the way so they don't bother making the journey. 11 00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:08,160 ‫Deciding to delay or cancel the journey does nothing for promoting positive self-esteem and creates 12 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:16,320 ‫a negative and critical self talk that goes on in our heads, which further reinforces low self-esteem. 13 00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:22,500 ‫Self-confidence and self-esteem is not a destination. 14 00:01:23,220 --> 00:01:25,260 ‫It is an emotional state. 15 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:32,580 ‫And because it's an emotional state, it can be accessed anytime you want. 16 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:38,960 ‫This makes self-confidence a lot more accessible to you. 17 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:50,050 ‫So the journey is neither arduous nor long, nor is it difficult, it is easy if you work through the 18 00:01:50,050 --> 00:01:57,940 ‫exercises and then double the power of these with my tips and further exercises to support you in managing 19 00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:59,590 ‫any performance anxiety. 20 00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:08,210 ‫We tend to find the people lack self-confidence because they fear meeting others and they don't know 21 00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:08,920 ‫what to say. 22 00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:17,040 ‫Ask someone to give a presentation or commit to a public speaking engagement, and many decide they 23 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:17,730 ‫don't want to do it. 24 00:02:19,190 --> 00:02:22,470 ‫Consider the bridegroom and the day of his wedding. 25 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:27,370 ‫He knows all the family and most of the guests, everyone's there to support him. 26 00:02:27,950 --> 00:02:35,480 ‫But what happens if he fails to deliver the rousing and witty speech expected at the wedding breakfast? 27 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:44,800 ‫This further creates problems for the groom's man unless they have prepared their speech properly and 28 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,330 ‫rehearsed it many times. 29 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:56,360 ‫It does not have to be a big event for the tensions and performance anxiety to rise. 30 00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:03,830 ‫Recently I was working with a group of accountants and organized a networking event on their premises. 31 00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:07,300 ‫I was running a training workshop on leadership. 32 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:10,760 ‫We had a group of 18 senior managers in attendance. 33 00:03:11,570 --> 00:03:18,020 ‫Each was representative of a different organization and was happy to meet with some of the partners 34 00:03:18,020 --> 00:03:19,210 ‫from the accountancy firm. 35 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:26,930 ‫I've arranged a session where we would meet and mingle over lunch, and my ambition was to support the 36 00:03:26,930 --> 00:03:32,300 ‫accountancy firm in winning new clients and forming sound commercial relationships. 37 00:03:34,070 --> 00:03:40,310 ‫Three partners and two senior managers arrived and promptly formed a circle, took their sandwiches 38 00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:45,880 ‫from the lunch table and proceeded to talk to each other, ignoring everyone else in the room. 39 00:03:47,690 --> 00:03:54,710 ‫They were clearly uncomfortable having to talk to people they'd never met before, and we we see this 40 00:03:54,710 --> 00:04:01,730 ‫all the time where people have created a degree of social anxiety and find it very difficult to meet 41 00:04:01,730 --> 00:04:03,620 ‫others, especially for the first time. 42 00:04:05,750 --> 00:04:11,810 ‫The phrase I used earlier was you never get a second chance to create a great first impression. 43 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:16,530 ‫Well, what can we do about this a lot? 44 00:04:17,430 --> 00:04:23,460 ‫It's relatively easy to deal with this issue and you'll need to rehearse the techniques I'm about to 45 00:04:23,460 --> 00:04:27,930 ‫teach you until you can do them automatically. 46 00:04:30,710 --> 00:04:38,660 ‫Rehearsal, I'm going to be really serious for a second, you know, many people buy books on self-confidence, 47 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,460 ‫but 99 percent don't get past the first chapter. 48 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:49,330 ‫People attend courses on self-confidence, yet fail to put what they've learned into practice. 49 00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:57,500 ‫All I can say is that that wouldn't work with driving a car, you have to practice or you don't pass 50 00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:01,850 ‫your driving test, you have to demonstrate a degree of mastery. 51 00:05:02,450 --> 00:05:10,820 ‫So much so that the driving instructor is confident that handing you a pass certificate will not result 52 00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,020 ‫in death on the road. 53 00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:19,910 ‫I want you to adopt exactly the same commitment to managing your self-confidence as you demonstrated 54 00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:21,590 ‫when you learned to drive your car. 55 00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:29,090 ‫If you're not a driver, you may learn to play an instrument or picked up a second language or learned 56 00:05:29,090 --> 00:05:36,830 ‫and played a sport to achieve some degree of excellence in all these activities requires a deep commitment 57 00:05:37,190 --> 00:05:40,820 ‫to practice and rehearse until you can do it. 58 00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:48,040 ‫If I have that commitment from you, I know that we can move on very swiftly. 59 00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:57,040 ‫I'm going to talk to you about managing performance anxiety, whether you experienced this one on one 60 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:00,340 ‫in small groups or large groups and audiences. 61 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:07,780 ‫I want you to be able to influence and demonstrate your confidence with people you know well, with 62 00:06:07,780 --> 00:06:14,710 ‫people you've never met before and people you've previously perceived as difficult or problematic. 63 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:24,860 ‫I'll be talking you through preparing in advance, using your physiology or body language to project 64 00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:33,590 ‫your self-confidence and applying the best in anchoring, and that is preparing yourself mentally and 65 00:06:33,590 --> 00:06:36,190 ‫emotionally in advance of meeting people. 66 00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:42,180 ‫And finally, placing yourself in your circle of excellence. 67 00:06:44,430 --> 00:06:47,160 ‫So preparing in advance. 68 00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:54,540 ‫We'll cover this in more depth in the next video when we look at a methodology that will virtually guarantee 69 00:06:54,540 --> 00:06:59,880 ‫success in the influence stakes, I'll just make some general points here. 70 00:07:01,830 --> 00:07:05,110 ‫You really should never fly by the seat of your pants. 71 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:13,710 ‫It's nice, it's great if you can do it, but please never, ever rely on thinking it will always work 72 00:07:13,710 --> 00:07:14,040 ‫for you. 73 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:22,360 ‫If the wrong people turn up, circumstances change or you get a hostile audience for your mini presentation 74 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:30,210 ‫or lack of preparation will only reflect on your professional standing and will lower your self-esteem. 75 00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:37,700 ‫The great learning that comes from being poorly prepared is you never want to experience it again, 76 00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:44,960 ‫even if you've arranged only a short meeting with someone to discuss quite trivial business matters, 77 00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:49,410 ‫always ensure that you've clearly defined the outcomes that you want to achieve. 78 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,490 ‫Write these down in advance of your meeting. 79 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:56,510 ‫And if it's a group meeting, it's even more important. 80 00:07:56,990 --> 00:08:03,650 ‫If you have to influence two or three people, they may have different agenda to you and you need to 81 00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:08,440 ‫work these out in advance and then assess how well your outcomes can be met. 82 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:16,000 ‫There'll be a lot more of this in the next video, but please prepare your outcomes if it helps write 83 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:21,520 ‫down your expected or desired outcomes and group them onto the next three words. 84 00:08:21,670 --> 00:08:28,680 ‫Most should and like you are prioritizing your outcomes. 85 00:08:29,650 --> 00:08:34,630 ‫These are your goals to support you in assessing your interpersonal competence. 86 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,340 ‫Right, let's move on to physiology. 87 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:47,230 ‫You're probably aware that we communicate using words, tonality and body language research has been 88 00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:53,560 ‫undertaken that tells us that effective communication between two or more parties is assessed. 89 00:08:53,590 --> 00:09:01,000 ‫Thus the words we use tonality and our body language, the words we use account for about seven to 10 90 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:04,840 ‫percent of a moderately average business discussion. 91 00:09:06,310 --> 00:09:12,160 ‫37 to 40 percent of effective communication is down to how we use our tonality. 92 00:09:12,940 --> 00:09:14,740 ‫What I mean here is the volume. 93 00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:22,530 ‫We talk at the speed fast or slow, the timber, the quality and the rhythm of our discussions. 94 00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:27,070 ‫This is critical in adding emotion to the words that we choose to use. 95 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:32,320 ‫I know this might sound strange, but what if I said. 96 00:09:34,170 --> 00:09:34,800 ‫David. 97 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:41,720 ‫Is a really vibrant team player and a pleasure to work with, would you believe me? 98 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,180 ‫OK, is this more believable? 99 00:09:45,890 --> 00:09:50,240 ‫David is a really vibrant team player and a pleasure to work with. 100 00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:58,610 ‫See, the way we express ourselves can make it simple communication, much more passionate and give 101 00:09:58,610 --> 00:10:01,340 ‫more depth and meaning to the words we use. 102 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:09,600 ‫Now, add this to the use of our physiology or body language to complete the formula. 103 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:18,740 ‫About 50 percent plus of our communication comes down to how we use our bodies to express ourselves. 104 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:26,450 ‫So now we're going to talk about how we can prepare our physiology and use our body language for best 105 00:10:26,450 --> 00:10:26,960 ‫effect. 106 00:10:29,470 --> 00:10:39,580 ‫You have to prepare yourself in advance, deep breathing helps breathe in and imagine breathing out 107 00:10:39,580 --> 00:10:42,330 ‫tension and breathing in relaxation. 108 00:10:43,270 --> 00:10:49,210 ‫You also know that when you breathe in relaxation, you also breathe in self-assured confidence. 109 00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:51,760 ‫Now it's time to visualize this. 110 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:58,090 ‫So if you're going to meet those two or three colleagues and you have something that you need to present 111 00:10:58,090 --> 00:11:01,770 ‫to them, it's best to prepare yourself in advance. 112 00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:10,150 ‫You know your outcomes now you have to prepare yourself physically to have a relaxed self-confidence 113 00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:16,850 ‫and breathing is the fastest and most effective way to impact your emotional state for the better. 114 00:11:18,430 --> 00:11:24,130 ‫We are focused totally on putting you into the right emotional state when you want it. 115 00:11:25,170 --> 00:11:26,550 ‫So try this for yourself. 116 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:36,990 ‫Stand firm if you are to sit at the table, sit upright but relaxed, don't slouch, breathe gently 117 00:11:36,990 --> 00:11:38,580 ‫and control your emotions. 118 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:47,430 ‫Remember, use your vocal tonality to add pace, passion, emphasis and emotion to your ideas and your 119 00:11:47,430 --> 00:11:48,240 ‫proposals. 120 00:11:49,470 --> 00:11:55,740 ‫And now it's time to practice and rehearse for your event, so let's move on to anchoring. 121 00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:04,770 ‫Applying, anchoring, and that is preparing yourself mentally and emotionally in advance of meeting 122 00:12:04,770 --> 00:12:10,560 ‫people, anchoring is best described as assessing times and events. 123 00:12:10,710 --> 00:12:17,760 ‫When you've achieved success in whichever way you want to consider an end to practice using a physical 124 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:26,400 ‫movement to trigger the emotion you felt, it's about creating a stimulus response relationship between 125 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,450 ‫a physical trigger and the positive emotional response. 126 00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:39,190 ‫I want you to take your non dominant hand and press together your thumb and your middle finger. 127 00:12:39,930 --> 00:12:41,780 ‫That is that's going to be your trigger. 128 00:12:42,570 --> 00:12:43,790 ‫Now, release the tension. 129 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:52,170 ‫What we're going to do is to mentally associate with a number of things that have led to success in 130 00:12:52,170 --> 00:12:56,850 ‫your life and then anchor this by squeezing your fingers together. 131 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:04,830 ‫Choose anything, a relationship, passing an exam, going on vacation with a close friend, receiving 132 00:13:04,830 --> 00:13:09,160 ‫praise from a boss or your parents partner, brother or sister. 133 00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:10,780 ‫It could be getting a new job. 134 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:12,450 ‫It could be within a contract. 135 00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:18,800 ‫It could be related to developing relationships or academic or sporting success. 136 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:26,280 ‫Your task is when you think about these events, you build up the emotional energy. 137 00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:33,990 ‫That you felt at that time, what we're going to do is to ramp up the feelings, it might be a good 138 00:13:33,990 --> 00:13:35,540 ‫idea to close your eyes. 139 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,230 ‫Now, imagine what's happening. 140 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:47,540 ‫See the people involved, listen to what they say, focus on their faces and the intensity of the achievement. 141 00:13:48,430 --> 00:13:54,610 ‫Now ramp up this emotion, ramp this up again, and keep on doing this until you've achieved a passionate 142 00:13:54,850 --> 00:13:57,510 ‫and highly self-confident, emotional state. 143 00:13:57,850 --> 00:14:04,630 ‫And when you reach the intensity, squeeze your fingers together and do it again and again and make 144 00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:05,680 ‫that feeling real. 145 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:14,020 ‫If you keep doing this exercise, you will stimulate your endorphins and promote the release of neurotransmitters 146 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:17,910 ‫that will bathe your brain with supreme self-confidence. 147 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:25,000 ‫Keep practicing this exercise and before you know it, you can create a high degree of achievement and 148 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,410 ‫energy which will counter any lack of confidence or esteem. 149 00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:33,820 ‫Now it's time to move on to the circle of excellence. 150 00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:42,790 ‫Here we rely on similar events, but this time, instead of squeezing finger and thumb, you actually 151 00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:45,400 ‫physically step into the circle. 152 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:55,720 ‫This is an active exercise where you imagine a circle on the floor in the circle is the culmination 153 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,390 ‫of all the successful things you've done in your life. 154 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:05,840 ‫Now, consider what's in the circle, you choose what you want to put into it, you might want to make 155 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:11,510 ‫a few notes include, you know, what about those disasters that you turned around? 156 00:15:11,930 --> 00:15:16,180 ‫And there may be even small domestic disasters, but you made them work. 157 00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:24,920 ‫Think of academic success, you know, and including that the passing of your driving test times when 158 00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:26,480 ‫people thanked you for your help. 159 00:15:27,230 --> 00:15:36,020 ‫Kind words from people who respect and love you, events that you are proud of attending or contributing 160 00:15:36,020 --> 00:15:36,680 ‫towards. 161 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:43,850 ‫Now, taking all those things, you might want to ramp up the emotion by closing your eyes and imagine 162 00:15:43,850 --> 00:15:45,800 ‫all the great things that you've achieved. 163 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,510 ‫You decide the content in the circle. 164 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:57,060 ‫Now concentrate on this imaginary circle and start to see what was said at those events or in those 165 00:15:57,060 --> 00:16:00,870 ‫activities, focus on people smiles and their encouragement. 166 00:16:01,650 --> 00:16:04,630 ‫What great things are they saying about you and your achievements? 167 00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:06,000 ‫What did people say? 168 00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:12,260 ‫Amplify the volume, make the sounds and the words exactly the way you want to hear them. 169 00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:15,120 ‫Go on, do it again and again. 170 00:16:15,270 --> 00:16:16,980 ‫Now, double that feeling now. 171 00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,920 ‫Treble it and double it again. 172 00:16:20,850 --> 00:16:27,270 ‫OK, let's come back down and step out of the circle, just breathe and relax, that's good. 173 00:16:27,990 --> 00:16:28,680 ‫That's very good. 174 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:38,210 ‫So how did you feel at any time you could go on and ramp up the feelings and build up the intensity? 175 00:16:39,330 --> 00:16:47,490 ‫Imagine that circle is vibrating with positive energy, love and gratitude, success, clarity, calmness. 176 00:16:48,420 --> 00:16:49,950 ‫You can ramp up those feelings. 177 00:16:49,950 --> 00:16:57,510 ‫And then when the feelings are very intense as they are with anchoring, you step into that circle and 178 00:16:57,510 --> 00:17:03,360 ‫bathe yourself with the feelings, go on, ramp it up and feel those good things. 179 00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:05,970 ‫It feels good, doesn't it? 180 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:07,940 ‫It really feels good. 181 00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:15,410 ‫If you want to rewind the video and do this several times, do so, the more you do it, the greater 182 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:19,340 ‫the intensity and the stronger the feeling of self-confidence. 183 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:27,690 ‫OK, stepping out of the circle, relax and breathe deeply and consider. 184 00:17:28,810 --> 00:17:35,950 ‫That if you use these techniques, what impact would they have on your ability to impress, negotiate 185 00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:38,140 ‫influence and persuade others? 186 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:45,880 ‫You are investing in a process that would really impact your self-confidence and your life. 187 00:17:47,110 --> 00:17:50,340 ‫It's up to you now to practice these over and over again. 188 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:56,840 ‫See you on the next video, well, I'll talk you through structure and methodology.