[Applause]
most of us think we have a problem in
our life unless we have something that's
a bigger problem to contrast it with and
when you see this Toria you walk through
their exact life experience of the
course of these two years the year that
we work with them is thirty days but you
see the course of what's happened to
them by finding out what's happening a
year later you begin to understand that
it doesn't matter what happens in your
life you were more than any moment
there's no challenge you can't face and
overcome are the events of our lives
don't control our lives our decisions do
and so I figured if we could take a
couple that has faced this bigger
challenge and be able to break through
then you could look whatever's in your
life and they could happen it's kind of
like if I wanted to show you that you
could face your biggest fear though your
smaller fears kind of drop aside it's
like what what's your biggest fear today
one of the biggest fears so many people
in North America around the world the
Western world of facing is losing their
job it's a horrific possibility it has
impact on your family your psychology or
emotion so many things are choices but
the truth of the matter is what's a
problem losing your job is a massive
problem until you find yourself in a
position where you lose all your savings
what it took you maybe 10 years of
working to get then what's the problem
after losing your savings that's not a
problem anymore when all of a sudden you
lose your leg or an arm or something
horrific happens to one of your children
that's not a problem when someone tells
you all of a sudden that you have
terminal cancer so I've had those
moments where somebody says you've got
that tumor in your brain and we don't
know what it means those moments take
your other problems and make them
disappear and you know it's interesting
when you ask most people in North
America what's the greatest thing that
could ever happen to you give them 10
seconds it's been done over and over
again first 10 seconds what comes your
mind what's the best thing you'd ever
happen in your life the majority of
people in North America say what can you
guess winning the lottery and many of
them say winning a hundred million
dollar lottery two hundred million
dollar lottery that's what's going to
make their quality of life extraordinary
but when you do the studies and they've
been many done over the last 15 or 20
years and people that win these giant
lotteries what are their lives like two
years later three years later five years
later is the quality of their life
extraordinary rarely if ever because
what's happened is they haven't grown
they haven't life gives us these events
these quote horrific events because
there's an area of our life that has to
grow if you were to ask me Tony out of
all the millions of people you've worked
with if someone really wants to feel
alive they want joy they want happiness
they don't just want money or things or
just even respect they want to feel a
sense that life is meaningful and alive
what does it take I tell you one word
progress when you're making progress in
your life it doesn't matter where it is
you're gonna feel more alive if you're
overweight will you get yourself today
and you say you know what I'm stepping
into gear I'm just putting these darn
shoes on I'm not waiting for the perfect
you know person to come by and coach me
I'll get that too but right now I'm just
going for a walk
or I'm gonna go for a jog or I'm going
to go lift some weights I'm going to do
something right now and you get yourself
in the gear you do that for a few days
in a row even if you haven't lost the 10
20 or 30 pounds yet you're going to
start feeling better immediately because
you have the power of momentum and
you're making progress progress equals
growth growth equals feeling alive we
grow or we die so what's the worst thing
that could ever happen in your life same
survey asked the people in North America
10 seconds come up with the answer
number one answer to become a
quadriplegic that's why I made the show
because the idea that I could be in a
position where I'd be alive but I
couldn't physically feed myself take
care of myself that I'd be completely
immobilized for most people that's the
scariest thought of all to them that's
the worst possible fear so by going to
this journey with Frank and Kristin and
experiencing your emotions and seeing
and feeling that in 30 days they could
go from trapped in their home where
there is no possibility of a future no
idea of intimacy no idea of children to
Adler's who are doing things they
weren't doing before we use quote
supposedly able-bodied happier and
stronger and closer in their love than
ever before and you know it's real and
you see the results a year later as we
do the follow-ups and you haven't seen
the follow-ups be sure to see that here
about the story what's happening with
them when you get that experience
affects you because it isn't somebody
verbally telling you a story it's
something you kind of went through so
the idea here is I'm sure you have some
other fears outside the one we just came
up with whatever you're afraid of the
job the loss of relationship trust me
it's small if you'll face a bigger fear
that little fear will start to be
handled pretty easily that's why when
all of us go through in our lives
extreme stress we're all going to go
through it you're have a home burned
down or something's going to happen if
somebody you love or someone's going to
pass before you're prepared for it which
is almost always or you're going to find
yourself in a financial situation that
feels like you can't turn it around or
you might feel like personal character
assassination or maybe you get mugged or
maybe you get a terminal disease we all
will face multiple times in our life
extreme stress the difference in
people's lives is not what we face it's
what we do with what we face you can
take yourself from a place where in the
face of absolute total tragedy you
triumph but it requires making some new
decisions taking some new actions and
mastering a part of yourself that can
unleash all of your power and abilities
human being that human spirit as corny
as it sounds can be channeled in a very
specific way and if you do the game of
life changes so I'll give you another
example hi Frank and Kristen a friend of
mine who just passed recently he's
always been a deep inspiration man his
name is art Berg and arts a guy that was
a young man good-looking strong athletic
he lived in Utah and he fell in love
with his absolute sweetheart she was you
know the most popular girl the most
attractive girl she met all the criteria
of a college boy and his buddy here
driving across the state to go to where
he's going to get married and he falls
asleep in the backseat while his best
friend is driving
and his best friend falls asleep in the
middle of the night as they're driving
my friend art Berg woke up rather
intensely on the desert floor the car
upside down his legs trapped beneath it
and unable to feel anything he became a
quadriplegic in an instant his friend
actually was beat up but actually
survived now what do you do in a
situation like that well the first thing
most people do is they want to curse God
or they want to curse their friend it's
not their fault most of what happens in
our lives is not our fault but what we
do with it is going to determine the
quality of our lives sometimes it is our
fault let's be honest but lots of times
events happen stuff happens or whatever
word you want to play stuff with it you
know what I'm talking about but was
different about this man if he made a
different set of decisions on that day
he said to himself you know what I got
two choices I can live here in the dirt
and live and suffer the rest of my life
when I've lost so I can figure out I
maximize what I have he developed this
mindset his mindset was before the
accident
there were about probably 10,000 things
I could do after the accident he said I
could probably do 9,000 things before
the accident I was probably not even
doing 500 of those things I'm going to
be more while I am now and he did he
became an entrepreneur start his own
bookstore became very successful he
married the same childhood sweetheart
because this man was so inspirational be
around it didn't matter what they was in
a chair she loved him he had two
children or the greatest gifts of life
and he did all kinds of crazy things
he's scuba dive his friends would put
him in a suit and tie a set of weights
to me flopped to the bottom they dragged
him along the bottom met with his idea
of scuba diving he was incredible human
being and he lived an incredibly full
life filled with joy the worst thing
ever happened to you being quadriplegic
the best thing when a lottery I feel
like everybody wants something from you
and you didn't earn it and there's no
sense of joy and everything's about
trying to hang on to what you got what
is the best thing that happened to you
what is the worst the worst is not to
take control to the force that controls
your life and that force is human
emotion I mean I want you to think about
this and answer question for me if you
would
what really changed Frank and Kristen's
quality of life
what changed them you can see the change
you can see it even more a year later
that it's continued to happen what made
the change possible did you get it did
you see it the answer is simple we
change the emotional pattern that was
controlling their life and you and I
have emotional patterns that are
controlling us right now whether well
aware of it consciously or not doesn't
matter it's the force that is shaping
you is shaping your relationship that's
shaping your finances it's shaping your
career it's shaping the amount of joy or
unhappiness or suffering or excitement
you have right now in this moment but
it's an invisible force most of us never
take a look at you might want to take a
look at it right now through the eyes of
what we did was Frank and Kristin now
what was the emotional pattern that was
dominating them at the beginning of the
show he could feel it couldn't you so
there was this feeling of death that
there was no future
probably the most common belief system
in people in North America now in Europe
60 percent of America has now believed
that the future is going to be worse
than the past for themselves and for
their kids 70 percent of Germans and
Europeans I think it's 80 percent
according to Pew study recently in
France around the world we're starting
to believe that circumstances control
who we are don't get me wrong
circumstances play a huge impact events
play a huge impact on your life but
they're not the ultimate determining
factor the force of human spirit or
emotion is it with the right emotion you
can unleash things you could never dream
of I know you know this is true so take
a look let's analyze where do these two
live after the accident well where would
you live if you were Kristen I mean
you've lost your future supposedly
there's no intimacy there's no chance of
children you become the full-time nurse
to your husband who you love but now
you're changing his catheter every few
hours you're afraid to leave the house
because you're afraid what if he falls
over he may stop breathing I mean
there's no life so she goes from the
emotions of feeling depressed to the
life she's lost to feeling angry I call
it a crazy eight we get tired of feeling
sad and then we'll get angry for a while
and then we beat ourselves up for being
angry at ourselves or God or up
and then we get all depressed again it's
a common pattern you don't have to have
something like their event happening
your life to get stuck in a crazy a but
interestingly enough she's living in
that place and now what what's Frank
doing Frank wants to help his wife but
he's got a limitation we got a
breakthrough he's got a belief all
breakthrough start with a change in your
beliefs because once you believe how
something is that means you're certain
that's how it is and you're certainly
can't change you're right II can't I
can't convince you no one else can
convince you in Frank's thinking I'm
helpless and I've harmed my wife and
he's living with the emotions of guilt
and sadness and depression when he's
tired that he gets completely
overwhelmed because he says if I just
would have not jumped in or if I would
have jumped in a different spot or a
million of the things that they were
different then I wouldn't have destroyed
my wife's life instead of thing my wife
needs me right now and I don't give a
damn if I'm strapped physically in this
chair my soul my spirits going to reach
her that's my assignment to get him to
remember that power to not a given
remember it but to get him to use it and
shift his wife and that's what we did
through this process how well the
process really was giving him a series
of experiences that would change his
entire belief about who he is
I could try to tell him oh here's what
you can do and yeah I'm six foot seven
and I obviously I've used of all my
appendages easy for me right but if I
give him to have some experiences like I
bring him to Fiji and I show me and get
out of the house morning the house they
come a world traveler and go through all
the challenges that are part of that
that if you watched our little section
and the story behind the story you'll
hear some things that weren't in the
show about that by the way but I gave
him a travel a Fiji and the first thing
I got to do within this I got to get
into experience not know intellectually
but experience he can make a difference
for his wife he is not helpless she
needs him and he can transform her he
can take her from crying sound
out-of-control angry - laughing and
giggling and feeling love that fast it's
a beautiful moment the Shelf you watched
and all this is something called
presence something if you're not clear
clear about do some homework
follow up with us or someone else figure
out how to create that because that's
what changes relationships presence
it works any strength starts to
understand not verbally but by his own
experience hey you know I don't have to
live in that sadness or that feeling of
being unworthy or that feeling of being
over well I I can matter I can matter to
her I don't have to be the person she
just takes care of there's a huge shift
in the experience and I'm giving you
Frank's example because it relates to
yours may be of different emotions but
then we all get the points where we feel
like we don't matter we can't change
something or stuck in it's our belief
great way to break that belief to get
yourself another experience that's what
I do with people in seminars that's what
they do in any coaching process change
it what we do after that we take him
through the experience of facing his
fears and we get him to do the skydive
together with his lady and he feels
total freedom for the first time since
the accident you get freedom when you
face your fear not just face it but you
push through it I get a separation from
his lady for ten days get him to be in a
room with Olympic athletes who couldn't
move across the room he couldn't move
God through him but now they're
incredible he feels like he's not enough
and he has to push through that show him
how to get back his dream drive his
truck give him that thing and drive 100
miles an hour even though all you got is
your elbows to drive the darn thing and
I'm on the other seat pretty cool thing
so it was a stacking of these
experiences that got Frank to own
himself in a new way to build a new
identity a new set of emotional patterns
so here are the steps and this is what
you want to do what I do with him I did
four things that's all I really did and
it's core number one for both of them
for Frank and Kristin to transform I
identified where do they live
emotionally that's what you got to do
where do they live emotionally well we
just decided to subscribe where they
live depression anger and one said
feeling guilty feeling overwhelmed and
feeling sad on the other there's no way
that can change their life with that is
the emotional fuel to get you to take
action you're not going to take action
there's not enough intensity to get you
to get through the obstacles or the
tragedies or the challenges once you see
what the pattern is and you tell
yourself the truth this is where I'm
living
step two I did with them because
identified what's the antidote so
if fear is what's controlling things
right now we need an antidote called
courage now courage doesn't mean that
you're not scared courage just simply
means that you're scared of death but
you do it anyway
it's an emotional muscle it doesn't feel
good you just exercise it
that's what courage is I mean everybody
you know has different emotional
patterns and it may be hard to see in
yourself but I bet you know and other
people I mean come on don't you know
somebody who lives every day and they're
angry all the time where they pissed off
or they're frustrated or they're worried
all the time I mean haven't you met
people at different times who don't you
know somebody that's always kind of
playful or crazy or cracking jokes
better yet do you know somebody who's
not really funny
but they think they are and there's he
tells stupid joke and everything else
it's not even funny but they crapped
himself up so much that you find
yourself cracking up right I mean people
have patterns the question is what's
yours see if you can identify the
patterns and other people you can start
to see them and yourself as well and you
know what we all do we all find a way to
try to get what I call home home is I
noticed after 9/11 I'm with two thousand
plus people from I think was 45
countries that was in Hawaii the
accidents happened the tragedy happened
you know the the attacks happened and we
got the information at 3 o'clock in the
morning Hawaii and we had you know
100-plus people 200 people that were
from New York many of which little
worked and had offices and friends in
the towers and all the friends died
there the whole company disappeared I
had to bring these people in from all
these countries with different religions
different backgrounds different belief
systems some people were celebrating
other people are crying and saying was
the end times it was unbelievable I
noticed all this emotion around me and
the biggest thing to put them all
together is I had to say what what's
really going on here and I noticed angry
people got angry sad people got sad
guilty people the nurse she was guilty
she wasn't there helping people but
she's always guilty the angry lady is
always angry we all have a home maybe
that people didn't live in the United
States didn't know anyone in New York
City and they were yet angry
- you're sad why they weren't hangry
guilty sad about the 3,000 people a day
that died of cancer in heart disease
they're all mothers fathers children I
pointed out that day
it can't be convenient with your
compassion and yet most of us are we're
unaware that we use events as a trigger
to get home back to the patterns we know
even if it's uncomfortable so if you
identify where you live emotionally the
patterns are limiting you the second
piece is find the antidote courage can
replace fear if you're feeling this
unbelievable feeling of overwhelmed you
need love or support and not just go get
it go give it see finding that antidote
starts to change the game and then after
you identify it you find the antidote
number three is you got to practice that
emotion I know that sounds weird
I'll explain what I mean in the moment
but you got to do that emotion enough
consciously that you can go from
frustrated or depressed to determined
and you know how to shift that gear and
it's not fake it's not some pump up it's
real and it changes your life when you
can do that like that and it's a
biochemical change it's not some I'm
happy I'm happy I'm happy positive
thinking BS that's not what I teach I'm
not here to tell you go to your garden
and chant there's no weeds I'm going to
say there's a weed go pull it out but
you're not going to pull it out without
determination without passion without
commitment am i making sense so if you
know the pattern if you find the
antidote if you practice it enough and
then the final step you condition it
do you practice enough that you can just
automatically go into it that's when
your life changes so what are you going
to do is your assignment for this week
to take this little ten minute you know
rant on giving you and convert it into a
massive measurable increase in the
quality of your life I can't do that for
you you can do it for yourself if you do
what I tell you here's what you're going
to do step one and those of you on the
web as well step one you gotta identify
where you live so where do you live
where do you live emotionally you
personally just like we did with Frank
and Kristen there are thousands of
emotions there's 4,000 words in the
human in the English language I should
say four different individual emotions
the research on it years ago I'm after
you take out a piece paper pen take out
your you know you know
computer get a page on one side one
column like all the emotions that you
experience at least once a week that
empower you in some way flower passion
excitement creativity whatever it is
peace determinate I don't know what are
yours I want you to write the emotion as
though you don't experience once in a
while the ones you're experienced at
least once a week a powerful way and
really feel it not an emotion feel once
every blue moon on the other side of
that page or if you do it on our little
application or wherever we put it here
the other side I want to write all the
negative emotions or to be more fair all
emotions can be positive you use them
all the disempowering emotions the ones
that tend to put your state we don't
follow through and I want you on that
side right all of them and do it
simultaneously just keep making your
less what are the emotions I go into
that mess me up like feeling frustrated
or overwhelmed or lost or alone or
depress or to stop and rageful whatever
it is you go and again not emotions your
experience once in a while the ones you
experience at least once a week so make
a list of all the emotions experience at
least once a week ones that empower you
once this empower you on the list that's
step one that's identifying where you
live and circle the top two out of the
whole list that you experience most
often that are empowering and the top
two experience most often that are
disempowered that will be step one top
you I'm trying to explain it to you here
it'll be right in front of you as well
so if you forget what I'm saying it's
going to be on the little checklist I
want you know what I mean step two let's
identify the solution so you look at
your list and you see on the
disappearing list
I got sadness and depression I got
feeling lonely or I've got feeling rage
and anger or I got feeling fear what
emotional state would you like to feel
in that situation that would change your
life if it's fear maybe it's courage
again courage doesn't mean it's easy
doesn't mean you feel you know confident
just means you're going to do it anyway
maybe it's determination maybe instead
of feeling alone you feel loving and you
go give to somebody else what's the
what's an emotional pattern that if you
live that would change the game is it
faith is it passion is it courage is it
playfulness you're taking things just
too damn seriously he's forgotten
perspective go watch the show again see
if you really have a problem see if your
problem is or is challenging is the
people you just saw who transform their
tragedy into something tremendous
something beautiful something
magnificent something meaningful
something that can even help other
people that are watching that's the
beauty so that's the second step what's
the answer do come up with your answer
total motion step 3 is you got to
practice that emotion I know that sounds
silly stupid kind of weird but if you
came to a seminar with me you'd see you
know three thousand ten thousand people
we do this and we condition that a new
motion till you can shift gears have you
ever heard about the firewalk it's not
about the firewalk I do skydiving all
kinds of crazy stuff it's a metaphor for
how do I go from afraid fires metaphor
for whatever you don't follow through
and on your life whatever holds you back
- snapping going to state of mind where
I just moved through it's not this big
mind over matter thing it's mind over
emotion it's shifting and when you learn
how to go from scare to determine an
action what can't you do on your life so
we show you how to do that but for right
now I'll give you just a quick example
understand that emotion is really
created by emotion by the way you use
your body so quick exact real quick
imagine a time when you know someone
who's depressed or you were depressed
you ever felt that way I'm sure you have
at some time and think about what you do
with your body when somebody's depressed
they get all excited talk faster or just
know everything kind of slows down
doesn't it well that was your shoulders
they drop where's your head when you're
depressed drops but you're breathing
full or shallow
ENL becomes shallow you talk loud and
fast or slow and quiet slow and quiet
more hesitant now emotion is created by
emotion we can try and think yourself
and I'm happy I'm happy because you go
I'm happy I'm happening your body's like
this nothing is going to change we can
change our biochemistry by eating by
taking a drug by smoking a cigarette
because you take a different breath you
eat food you like
go up your tummy and you start to
breathe nice your whole mental emotional
state changes doesn't so what I'm saying
is you don't need the cigarette you
don't actually need the food you can
just physically learn to say this is
what I do when I'm depressed
this is what I do want to most determine
that's just this gesture I made I
remember one time when I was a kid at
one time I got pissed off and I just
what do they do I've made a gesture I
stood taller I look the person in the
eye
I spoke with more authority now my idea
passion determination may be a little
off the top for you and I get it I'm a
crazy mofo and I I'm a passionate human
being but you can do your version what
do you do when you're really feeling
something like determined what do you do
when you were passionate with your face
with your voice with your body just
practice it make a contrast here's what
I do when I'm sad here's what I do when
I feel loved here's what I do when I'm
worried here's what I do when I'm
determined that's what I mean by
practice and I'd love to have you in an
event but I'm trying to give this to you
so you can do it right now and you can
and it may be able to be helpful to do
with friends so they can give you
feedback and say here's what you do I
see you do this when you're really
strong as you do that when you're kind
of weak that's the third step practice
now what's the assignment figure out
your emotions where do you let positive
negative what are the big primary one
antidotes what emotions do you need
practice the emotions you need so you
can go into them a few times sound a
little weird but if you do it you'll see
it's actually quite fun feels powerful
maybe do it with a friend that's the
easy way to do it and condition it and
that means take the next three days do
this three times figure out the
difference and shift from not sure worry
to determine from overwhelm I don't know
what to do to focus and you just
deliberately physically make the change
from one to the other three times for
three days if you're bold do it for
seven but if you do this three or four
times a day for three to seven days I'll
start to get a pattern in your body and
the pattern in your body a new pattern
means the new life our life's a
reflection of our motion patterns if you
live in sadness and depression you could
have a billion dollars in your life is
called SATA
test if you're living feeling grateful
failing alive feeling passionate your
life is filled with gratitude compassion
doesn't matter what's happening anywhere
else and you can face any challenge from
those emotions and you can overcome this
make sense this is how you can take what
you watch in that show and convert it
into some actions that will change you
very simple approach or come see me or
get some coaching I've got all kinds of
resources but this is something you can
do right now you don't need anybody else
to make happen you just need a little
ability to take action make sense and if
you haven't seen the show for godsakes
go on Hulu and watch the show or all
this will just sound like a bunch of
words you've had the experience you know
what I'm talking about you've witnessed
it it'll be reeling you right now and
you'll get a sense of what you can do to
move forward and if you can't find on
Hulu once again send us a little email
we'll make sure we find a way for you to
be able to observe or experience the
show directly and last thing I say T is
the best way to keep something in your
body is share with somebody else the
whole philosophy of my life has been if
your life's going to be meaningful you
can't just hit me about me you got to be
about whee
so if you can if you feel like it if
your spirits touched by this help us pay
it forward share this with your friends
you can share the clip of our show you
can share this little section the all
kinds of ways just take the clip and
send it we've ever way you can push a
button at once again send it virally to
everybody everybody who's on your email
list we'd love it if that works for you
if you don't we're totally respectful of
that but in the end I could promise you
one thing if you will do this if you'll
discover your current emotional pattern
and you'll change it through a little
bit of practice over and over again you
will change the quality of your life no
matter what you're facing make sense
thanks for taking the time I hope this
was close to ten minutes I went a little
crazy but it's really just designed to
try to really serve you so till I see
again hopefully next week live strong
and live a passion god bless