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《宋飞正传》第八季 第14集 “范布伦花花公”
- 上届总统有胡子吗？ - 尼克松有 - The last president to have a beard? - Nixon.
- 不，我是说真正的浓密大胡子 - 他的很浓 - No, I mean a real thick beard. - His was thick.
不，我是说像关二哥那样 又多又长的大胡子 No, I mean like a full, long beard, like Smith Brothers Cough Drops.
法克摩尔有 Falkmore.
- 谁？ - 阿丁尼斯·N·法克摩尔 - Who? - Artemis N. Falkmore.
- 你瞎编的，是不？ - 是的 - You made that up, right? - Yeah.
- 但听来像总统名字吧？ - 是的 - But it sounds like a president name? - Yeah.
为什么总统的名字都那么烂啊？ Why do presidents all have bad names?
像是伍德罗，格罗佛，米勒德 Woodrow, Grover, Millard.
总统职位就是吸引那些名字烂的人 The presidency attracts the badly named.
他们的雄心壮志都是建立在 个人安危的基础上的 Their ambition is based on personal insecurity.
典型的男性过度补偿 It's classic male overcompensation.
你穿了增高鞋吗？ Are you wearing lifts in those shoes?
的士 Cab.
有了这种时钟，你输入你的年龄… So they have this clock now, where you punch in your age...
…和你全部的风险因素… ...and all your risk factors...
…它就能算出你还能活多久 ...and it actually counts down how much time you have left to live.
伟大的时刻是，在你临终之时 What's the great moment? On your deathbed.
他们在电击你的胸口 而你就在倒数，10，9，8… They're pounding on your chest, and you're going: "Ten, nine, eight...
我跟你说过这玩意儿很棒的 I told you this thing was good."
- 真不敢相信这是我们第一次约会 - 我知道，要甜点吗？ - I can't believe this is our first date. - I know. Dessert?
我想我得吃块蛋糕 I suppose I have to get a piece of cake.
- 为啥？ - 今天是我的生日 - Why? - Today is my birthday.
啥？今天？ What? Today?
- 真的吗？ - 嗯 - Really? - Yep.
这么说那天她第一次跟你约会 又正好是她的生日？ So she went out with you on a first date and it was her birthday?
是啊，而且是她自己挑的日子 Yeah, and she picked the day.
她在社交方面是不是… Is she socially...
…挺笨拙的呀？ ...awkward?
没有啊，她很好 No, she's great.
- 她很迷人而且很有趣 - 好吧，说不定她本来就打算… - She's attractive and fun. - Well, maybe she decided...
…过周末之后 到星期一才庆祝生日呢 ...to celebrate her birthday on the Monday after the weekend.
她又不是林肯 She's not Lincoln.
嘿 Hey.
有人想吃洛伦佐的比萨吗？ Anybody up for Lorenzo's pizza?
- 我不去了 - 哦，真的吗？ - I'll pass. - Oh, really?
嗨，乔治，吃比萨吧 Hey, George. Pizza.
我不吃了，我得去基金会 I can't. I gotta go down to the foundation.
我要去为苏珊·罗丝奖学金 面试高中生呢 I'm interviewing high schoolers for the Susan Ross Scholarship.
这个组织…难道就没有让你厌烦过吗？ Does it ever bother you that this organization...
- 没 …他们乱打水漂 - Nope. ...is beating the bushes...
- 没有 …基本上把钱派给… - No. ...to basically give this money away...
- 不是 - …任何人… - No. ...to virtually anyone...
…只要不是给你 ...as long as they're not you?
这个我没关系的 I'm fine with it.
很好，当然 Fine, I say.
然后我在英语成绩测验上拿了740分 And then I received a 740 on the English Achievement Test.
快说，你最喜欢的动物是什么？ Quick, what's your favorite animal?
我不知道，青蛙？ I don't know. Frog?
青蛙？ Frog?
- 那个，我… - 说青蛙就错了 - Well, l... - Frog is wrong.
我看到你弹竖琴来着 I see here that you play the harp.
告诉我，为什么他们放斜着弹？ Tell me, why do they have to tilt it?
他们就不能把琴做成本来就斜的吗？ Can't they just build it on an angle?
替你省了挺多麻烦 Save you a lot of trouble.
现代的竖琴是经过上千年演变的… Well, the modern-day harp has been refined over thousands of years...
- …可以追溯到… - 好了，好了，有消息通知你 ...back to... - Yeah, yeah, we'll let you know.
我看到你的绩点是4.0 I see your GPA is 4.0.
- 你喜欢那个，不是吗？ You like that, don't you?
- 史蒂文，我见你是象棋俱乐部的主席 So, Steven, I see you're president of the chess club.
州冠军 State champs.
你最喜欢的象棋手是谁？ Who's your favorite chess player?
纳斯特科夫？ Nastercoff?
对 Right.
纳斯特科夫 Nastercoff.
再说一遍，他来自哪个国家？ What country is he from again?
我不知道 I don't know.
我瞎编的 I made it up.
反正我拿不到的了 I'm never gonna get this thing.
那你告诉我干嘛？ What are you telling me for?
是你害我要问你的 You really had me going there.
过来，坐下 Come on, sit down.
你长大后想做什么？ What do you want to do when you grow up?
我一直告诉大家 我想成为一名建筑师 Well, I've been telling people that I'd like to be an architect.
那就去呗， 彼特曼先生终于 让我做实质性的写作 So get this, Mr. Peterman is finally letting me do some real writing.
他已经为他的自传拿到合约了 He's got this book deal for his autobiography.
他要让我代笔写 He's gonna let me ghostwrite it.
哇哦，那太棒了 等书出来的时候… Wow, that's great. When it comes out...
…我就得找个人去代读了 ...l'll have to get someone to ghost-read it.
- 嘿，噢，嗨 - 嘿 - Hey. Oh, hi. - Hey.
- 嘿 - 我在洛伦佐那儿… - Hey. - So there I am at Lorenzo's...
…把我的切片放在配菜条上 ...loading up my slice at the fixings bar.
大蒜啊，什么的 Garlic and whatnot.
当我越过比萨盒子看到那家伙时… When I see this guy over at the pizza boxes...
…他白了我一眼 ...giving me the stink eye.
所以我就回了他一眼，你知道不？ So I give him the crook eye back, you know?
然后我注意到他不是一个人来的 And I notice that he's not alone.
我在挑衅整群范布伦花花公子 I'm taking on the entire Van Buren Boys.
- 范布伦花花公子？ - 是的 - Van Buren Boys? - Yeah.
有一个街头帮是以 总统马丁·范布伦的名字命名的？ There's a street gang named after President Martin Van Buren?
哦，是啊，他们就跟那个总统一样刻薄 Oh, yeah, and they're just as mean as he was.
所以我往门口挪了挪，你知道不？ So I make a move to the door, you know?
他们就把门堵住了 They block it.
所以我就朝厕所的方向冲了过去 我抓住了门把手 So I lunge for the bathroom. I grab the knob.
但厕所有人 Occupied.
然后他们把我顶在那张 意大利的卡通地图上… Then they back me up against the cartoon map of Italy...
…突然之间他们停了下来 ...and all of a sudden they just stop.
啥？出啥事了？ What? What happened?
因为我还拿着那个大蒜搅拌器 就像这样 Because I'm still holding the garlic shaker, like this:
我只露出了八个手指 I'm only showing eight fingers.
- 哦，那样是什么意思啊？ - 那是他们的秘密标志 - Well, what does that mean? - That's their secret sign.
看着，范布伦，他是第八任总统 See, Van Buren, he was the eighth president.
他们以为我是上一批 范布伦花花公子 They thought I was a former Van B Boy.
- 比萨如何？ - 有点油腻 - How was the pizza? - It was a little oily.
杰瑞，你能不能拿一下这个 我想查查留言 Jerry, can you hold on a sec? I just wanna check my messages.
哦，梅利莎和金姆 Oh, Melissa, Kim.
- 埃伦 嘿，我想让你见见杰瑞 - Ellen. - Hey. I want you to meet Jerry.
哦，久闻大名 Oh, we've heard a lot about you.
你把她带出来可真贴心 It is so sweet of you to take her out.
是啊，你根本不知道她有多需要这个 Yeah, you don't even know how much she needs this.
她刚从一次痛苦的分手中走出来吗？ Is she coming off a bad breakup?
不是 No.
回见 See you.
- 收到留言不？ - 嗯，没人打给我 - Get your messages? - Yeah. No one called.
她们表现得好像跟她出去 是一种慈善举动似的 They acted like it was some act of charity, going out with her.
这么说她是一个不合群的喽 So she's the loser of the group.
每个群体里都会有些人总是被大家嘲弄 Every group has someone that they all make fun of.
就像我们跟伊莲 Like us with Elaine.
埃伦不可能是那个不合群的 There's no way Ellen is the loser of that group.
你有没有看到 面具最下面的本来面目啊？ Are you looking deep down at the real person underneath?
没有，我只是尽量看得肤浅 No, I'm being as superficial as I possibly can.
- 好吧，坚持下去 - 好啊 - Well, stick with it. - Yeah.
- 我找到奖学金人选了 - 是吗？ - I found someone for the scholarship. - Yeah?
我得去面试那些烦人的小优等生… I'm interviewing all these annoying little overachievers...
…这孩子总算走进来了 叫史蒂文·库恩，一普通孩子 ...and finally this kid walks in, Steven Koren, a regular guy.
喜欢运动，看电视 Likes sports, watches TV.
- 他聪明吗？ - 他很会读书 - Is he smart? - He knows how to read.
而且他也很清楚 读完一整本书并不能证明什么 And he also knows that finishing an entire book doesn't prove anything.
还有这个 But get this:
他喜欢建筑学 He's into architecture.
嘿，跟你假装要成为的一样 Hey, just like you pretend to be.
是啊，只需要一点引导… Yes, with a little guidance...
…史蒂文·库恩就能 成为我要成为的一切，真的 ...Steven Koren is going to be everything I claim to be, only for real.
那是我的梦想啊，杰瑞 That's my dream, Jerry.
我昨晚上梦到有一个汉堡要吃了我 I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me.
彼特曼先生，谢谢您邀请我… Mr. Peterman, thanks for having me over. L...
你的住所跟我想象的不太一样 Your place isn't quite what I imagined.
哦，不就一睡觉的地方 Oh, it's just a place to flop.
那么，你打算从生活的哪一部分说起呢？ Well, what part of your life do you want to start with?
异国琐事？还是他乡恋史？ Foreign intrigue? Exotic romances?
哦，伊莲，我们在目录中隐瞒了这些 令人作呕的 Oh, Elaine, we've covered all of that in the catalog, ad nauseam.
我希望这本书是关于我的日常生活的 No, I would like this book to be about my day-to-day life.
该死，他们又把电视台的位置改了… Oh, damn, they changed the cable stations again...
…我难得把它们记住了 ...just when I finally memorized them.
- 那么，彼特曼先生 你想不想… - 2号，哥伦比亚台 - Well, Mr. Peterman, do you want to...? - Two: CBS.
- 开始吧？ - 3号… - Get started? - Three...
我不知道那是啥 I don't know what that is.
那该死的预览频道哪儿去了？ Where's my damn preview channel?
那个，我得跟您说，彼特曼先生… Well, I gotta tell you, Mr. Peterman...
…这样子我写不到一整本书 ...I don't know if I see a whole book here.
好吧，我确信我们能想出点什么的 Well, I'm sure we'll come up with something.
咱俩订个派吃如何？ What do you say you and I order ourselves a pie?
你喜欢吃洛伦佐的不？ Do you like Lorenzo's?
就在那里，我一个朋友 差点被范布伦花花公子们暴打 A friend of mine almost got beat up at that place by the Van Buren Boys.
- 你不是说？ - 嗯 - You don't say? - Yeah.
那次他没事只是因为… The only thing that saved him is...
…他无意间出示了他们的秘密帮派标志 ...he accidentally flashed their secret gang sign.
- 嗯，真是刺激 - 是啊 - Well, that's pretty exciting. - Yeah.
我们把它写到书里吧 Let's put that in the book.
但那并不是发生在你身上啊 But that didn't happen to you.
那我们就给你朋友点钱 然后就变成彼特曼的故事了 Well, so we pay off your friend, and it becomes a Peterman.
不，我认为你不该这么做 No, I really don't think you can do that.
哦，该死，我又忘了买肥料了 Oh, damn, I forgot to buy plant food again.
我敢打赌我还有优惠卷呢 I'll bet I got a coupon for it.
你知道不？ 也许我该跟我朋友谈谈 You know what? Maybe I better talk to my friend.
这是你昨天穿的那身衣服吗？ Is that the same outfit you were wearing yesterday?
不是，这套是崭新的 你不喜欢吗？ No, this is brand-new. Do you like it?
事实上，我喜欢 Actually, yeah.
等一下 那是不是掉在地上的叉子啊？ Wait a second. Is that the fork that fell on the floor?
你用的是掉在地上的叉子吗？ Are you using the fork that fell on the floor?
不是的，杰瑞，服务员又给我拿了一个 No, Jerry, the waitress gave me another one.
我猜那没事了 I guess that's all right.
- 有什么问题吗，杰瑞？ - 没事，绝对没事 - Is something wrong, Jerry? - No, absolutely nothing.
你真是一尤物 You're fantastic.
- 嗨，伙计们 - 嗨 - Hey, guys. - Hey.
克莱默，乔治，这是埃伦 Kramer, George, this is Ellen.
先生女士们，我很高兴向你们介绍… Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce you...
…第一位苏珊·罗丝奖学金得主 ...to the first Susan Ross Scholar.
这位… This...
…史蒂文·库恩 ...is Steven Koren.
他的平均绩点是货真价实的2.0 His GPA is a solid 2.0.
就位于曲线中最充实的那一部分 Right in that meaty part of the curve.
不是炫耀，一点都不落后 Not showing off, not falling behind.
乔治，拿这个奖学金的要求是… George, the qualifications for this scholarship...
…大部分从学术性上考虑的 ...were supposed to be largely academic.
我相信大家都意识到那些存在于… I'm sure we're all aware of the flaws...
…标准化测试中的瑕疵和偏差 ...and biases of standardized tests.
这些不是标准化测试，这些是他的分数 These aren't standardized tests. These are his grades.
此外，史蒂文·库恩拥有极强烈的愿望 Besides, Steven Koren has the highest of aspirations.
他想要成为… He wants to be...
…一个建筑师 ...an architect.
是吗？ Is that right?
实际上，也许我可以把眼光放高一点 Actually, maybe I could set my sights a little bit higher.
史蒂文，没什么比建筑学更高端的了 Steven, nothing is higher than architect.
我觉得我想要成为一名城市规划师 I think I'd really like to be a city planner.
当我能设计整个城市的时候 为什么把自己局限在单一的建筑物上呢？ Why limit myself to one building when I can design a whole city?
- 是啊，那是个好想法 - 不，不是 - Well, that's a good point. - No, it's not.
建筑师不就是艺术学校的… Isn't an architect just an art school dropout...
…拥有斜桌子和大尺子的辍学生吗？ ...with a tilting desk and a big ruler?
那叫丁字尺 It's called a T-square.
你知道吗？我的兄弟会中 最蠢的家伙当了建筑师… You know, the stupidest guy in my fraternity became an architect...
…就在他考牙医学院落榜之后 ...after he flunked out of dental school.
祝贺你啊，年轻人 Congratulations, young man.
苏珊会为你所做的事情感到十分骄傲 Susan would be very proud of what you're doing.
谢谢 Thank you.
他们把它作为标志，因为范布伦 我们的第八任总统… And they made it their sign because Van Buren, our eighth president...
…是他们最崇拜的人 ...was the man they most admired.
克莱默，我的朋友，那是一个绝妙的故事 Kramer, my friend, that is one ripping good yarn.
如果你喜欢的话，我还有更多 You know, if you liked that one, I got more.
你想要什么？ What are you looking for?
罗曼史？喜剧？还是奇遇？ Romance? Comedy? Adventure?
还是艳史？ Erotica?
不是的，克莱默，我并不认为… No, Kramer, I don't think...
这些全部你要收多少钱？ How much would you take for the whole lot?
我的全部生活？开个价码吧，老兄 - My whole life? - Name your price, man.
1500块 $ 1500.
- 我只出一半 - 成交 - I'll give you half that. - Done.
克莱默，我的朋友 你想想吧，伊莲全听你的 Kramer, my friend, you consider Elaine at your disposal.
好吧 Okay.
那个，我… Well, I...
我喜欢在晚上工作的 I like to work in the evenings.
你能乖乖的去编那个 愚蠢的鲍勃·萨卡曼努故事吗？ Would you please just get on with the stupid Bob Sacamano story?
我正跟鲍勃讲电话呢，那时候我发现… Well, I'm on the phone with Bob, and I realize right then and there...
…我得把这条裤子还回去 于是我就动身去店里 ...that I need to return this pair of pants. So I'm off to the store.
鲍勃·萨卡曼努出什么事了？ What happened to Bob Sacamano?
没什么，他的故事说完了 Well, nothing. His part of the story is done.
我在等地铁，但它一直没来 I'm waiting for the subway. It's not coming.
我决定步行通过隧道 I decided to hoof it through the tunnel.
嗯，这还像个样子 Well, now, that's something.
我不知道是不是忘了时间什么的 I don't know if I lost track of time or what.
- 接下来我知道的… - 一辆火车压在了你身上吗？ - The next thing I knew... - A train is bearing down on you?
不是，我滑了一跤掉泥坑里了… No, I slipped and fell in mud...
…毁了那条我正打算还回去的裤子 ...ruining the very pants I was about to return.
我不明白了 I don't understand.
你要把裤子还回去，但你还穿着它？ You were wearing the pants you were returning?
我猜我是穿着它 Well, I guess I was.
那你打算穿什么回来呢？ What were you gonna wear on the way back?
伊莲，你在听吗？ Elaine, are you listening?
我压根没去成那儿 I didn't even get there.
- 好吧，下一个故事 - 我觉得我已经找够一天的故事了 - All right. Next story. - I think I've got enough for one day.
- 是啊，考虑一下吧 - 我会考虑的 - Yeah, chew on that. - I'll chew on that.
听着，顺便说一下 今晚我要主办一个小聚会… Hey, listen. By the way, I'm hosting a little get-together tonight...
…来庆祝我的财政小回暖 ...in honor of my little financial upturn.
哦，谢了，我已经有安排了 Oh, thanks, I've got plans.
对啊，伊莲，你应该参加，去做个记录 Yeah, Elaine, you should be there to document it.
哦，你要跟那些蠢驴朋友们聚会吗？ Oh, you're getting together with some of your jackass friends?
- 你是想让我记笔记吗？ - 是啊，但要在9点后到 - You want me to take notes? - Yeah, but get there after 9.
你知道的，得给大家一个机会放松一下 You know, give the people a chance to loosen up.
这么说你拒绝他的奖学金申请 是因为他想成为规划师吗？ So you're denying him the scholarship because he wants to be a planner?
我被背叛了 I was betrayed.
那孩子对我来说曾经像儿子一样 That kid was like a son to me.
如果你应当制止一个人的话… If there's one person you should be able to hold down...
…那也只能是你自己的亲骨肉 ...it's your own flesh and blood.
就象我父亲和祖父一样 Like my father and my father's father before him.
你知道吗？也许慈善事业不是你擅长的 You know, maybe philanthropy is not your field.
你好，哦，嗨，埃伦 嗯，我给宾馆打过电话了 Hello. Oh, hi, Ellen. Yeah, I called the hotel.
- 我们要安排度周末了 - 要跟埃伦一起过周末吗？ - We're set for the weekend. - Spending the weekend with Ellen?
佛蒙特州 Vermont.
如果我们想的话，可以多呆两天的 You know, we can stay an extra couple of days if we want.
过四天美妙的包食宿假日 Four days at a beautiful bed-and-breakfast.
我都等不及了 I can't wait.
拜拜 Bye-bye.
啥？ What?
这是什么？ What is this?
- 你要说吗？ - 不不不，你先 - You wanna start? - No, no, no. You go ahead.
我要理一下思绪 I gotta get my thoughts together.
杰瑞，整个埃伦的状况 已经太离谱了 Jerry, this whole Ellen situation has gone far enough.
- 啥？ - 杰瑞，她是个不合群 - What? - Jerry, she's a loser.
从哪儿得出的啊？她很好 Where is this coming from? She's great.
你为什么要这么做呢，杰瑞？ Why are you doing this, Jerry?
这是你的事业吗？事情是要处理的 Is it your career? Things are gonna pick up.
我的事业一点问题都没有 There's nothing wrong with my career.
我想给他安排个高管培训计划 I like the Bloomingdale's executive training program for him.
我们现在并不是要讨论这个 We weren't gonna discuss that now.
- 这是他应该考虑的事情 - 他当然应该 - It's something he should consider. - Of course he should.
- 但现在还不是时候 - 听着，这些事情都是有内在关联的 - But now is not the time. - Listen, these issues are interrelated.
好吧，原谅我吧 All right. Excuse me.
我不吃你们这一套的 I'm not buying any of this.
那你是什么意思？ 说我们错了吗？除你之外大家都错了？ So, what are you saying? That we're wrong? Everybody's wrong but you.
这就像贫民区一样 那个人醒来… This is like that Twilight Zone where the guy wakes up...
…他还是一样的，但别人都不一样了 ...and he's the same, and everybody else is different.
- 哪个人？ - 他们都是那样 - Which one? - They were all like that.
克斯坦萨先生 你为什么撤掉我的奖学金了？ Why did you take away my scholarship, Mr. Costanza?
那个史蒂文，我… Well, Steven, I...
这些是我的新朋友… These are my new friends...
…范布伦花花公子们 ...the Van Buren Boys.
他变得那么心灰意冷 他必须加入我们 He became so disillusioned, he had to join us.
- 很好 - 我想要回我的奖学金 - Nice. - I want my scholarship back...
…这样我就能当城市规划师了 ...so I can be a city planner.
当建筑师怎么样，史蒂文？ What about architect, Steven?
当城市规划师 City planner.
- 聚会真棒，小克 - 你变的那么直接了 - Great party, K-Man. - You got that straight.
伊莲，尝尝牛肉吧，那是真正的神户牛 货真价实的 Elaine, try the beef, because that's real au jus sauce. Real au jus sauce.
- 我会把它记下来的 - 嗨，克莱默 - I'll make a note of it. - Hey, Kramer.
- 嗯 - 拉米雷斯从来都没听过你的故事 - Yeah. - Ramirez has never heard your story.
哦，好吧 Oh, okay.
我跟鲍勃·萨卡曼努打电话… Well, I had Bob Sacamano on the phone...
- …然后我突然就发现我… - 嗨，克莱默，克莱默 ...and I suddenly realized that l... - Hey, Kramer, Kramer.
你现在不能讲那个故事 You can't tell that story now.
它是属于彼特曼的 It belongs to Peterman.
- 你什么意思啊？ - 你签了让渡合约了 - What do you mean? - You signed the release.
- 是啊 - 是他坐在泥坑里，不是你了 - Yeah. - He sat in mud, not you.
- 但我确实坐进了泥坑里 - 你没有 - But I did sit in mud. - You didn't.
你从没有坐进过泥坑里 You never sat in mud.
我都脏透了 I was all dirty.
- 这事从没发生过，你明白吗？ - 拜托 - It never happened, you understand? - Come on.
- 嗨，好吧，是哦 - 把故事讲完？ - Hey, all right. Yeah. - Finish the story?
哦，嗯，那个，我… 嗯，那个裤子…他们… Oh, yeah, well, l... Yeah, the pants... They...
他们…裤子很合适所以我决定 不还回去了 They... They fit well and so I decided I wasn't gonna return them.
- 很晚了，我们还是走吧 - 好吧 - Getting late. We better get going. - Okay.
你们现在就要走吗？ You're gonna go now?
嗨，喂，过来… Hey, whoa. Come...
我不… I don't...
克莱默，克莱默，我跟范布伦花花公子们 结下大梁子了 Kramer, Kramer, I got big trouble with the Van Buren Boys.
- 他们可都是狠角色 - 我听说你… - They're tough cookies. - I heard that you...
…惹上了他们中好的那派 你做了什么啊？ ...got on their good side. What did you do?
哦，没啥，没啥 Oh, nothing, nothing.
不，我当然没有什么故事 如果你们是在暗示这个的话 No, I certainly don't have any stories if that's what you're implying.
你知道那些人会做些什么吗？ You know what those guys are gonna do?
那个，你没从我这儿听说过… Yeah, well, you didn't hear it from me...
…但是范布伦花花公子们 他们从来都不欺负自己人 ...but the Van Buren Boys, they never hassle their own kind.
你是说，装成前任会员那样？ You mean, like a former member?
这些克莱默故事都是不能用的 These Kramer stories are unusable.
我是说，其中一些根本就不是故事 I mean, some of them aren't even stories.
看吧，这是他公寓里东西的清单 Look, this is the list of things in his apartment.
我的烤箱在名单上吗？ Is my toaster oven on there?
我怎么才能把这个编进书里呀？ How am I ever gonna turn this into a book?
- 先塑造它们，再改变它们 - 你可是个作家啊 Well, just shape them, change them. You're a writer.
是哦… Yes...
…我是个作家 ...l'm a writer.
写得有趣些 Make them interesting.
有趣 Interesting.
当然 Of course.
人们喜欢有趣的作品 People love interesting writing.
- 那个，我得去趟机场 - 去接我爸妈 Well, I gotta go to the airport. I'm picking up my parents.
啥？他们刚才不还在这儿吗？ What? Weren't they just here?
是的，我让他们飞过来见埃伦 Yeah, I'm flying them in to meet Ellen.
我不知道该怎么做 I don't know where to turn.
- 我要看看他们觉得她怎样 - 说不定我们待会可以一起吃晚饭呢 - I gotta see what they think of her. - Maybe we can have dinner later.
我可不这么想，我要让他们今晚飞回去 I don't think so. I'm gonna try to get them to fly right back tonight.
噢，嗨，嗨，我跟你说过我有姆囊炎没？ Oh, hey. Hey, have I told you about my bunions?
你会爱上这个故事的 You're going to love this story.
我把我的冷盘在旁边的沙发上排成一行… So I line up my cold cuts on the couch next to me...
…但是当我正要把它们堆起来时 它们就不断的掉进我的脚盆里 ...but as I'm stacking them up they keep falling into my footbath.
克莱默，这太可怕了 Kramer, this is awful.
我们不想听这个 We don't wanna hear about this.
- 该死 - 啥？ - Damn. - What?
哦，我从纽曼那买了一堆姆囊炎故事 Oh, I bought a bunch of bunion stories from Newman.
但都很烂 But they all stink.
- 花了多少钱呀？ - 8块 - How much did you pay for them? - Eight bucks.
我觉得我被坑了 I think I'm getting ripped off.
纽曼 Newman!
那你不喜欢第一章哪里啊？ Well, what didn't you like about the first chapter?
嗯，开头挺好的 Well, it started out nicely.
我要去还裤子… I'm returning some pants...
…是一挺个性的问题 ...a very identifiable problem.
我起身下了火车隧道 I set off down a train tunnel.
就这儿，就是这故事最没意思的转折 Now, that's where the story takes a most unappealing turn.
噢，不，不，是从这开始变有趣了 Oh, no, no, that's where it gets interesting.
你不明白吗？火车就要压在你身上了… Don't you see? The train is bearing down on you...
…你跳进了旁边的隧道… ...you dive into a side tunnel...
…然后你闯进了一个地下隧道 ...and you run into a whole band of underground tunnel dwellers.
听起来可真是陈词滥调毫无悬念呀 It just seems so clich閐 and obvious.
这不是有意思的作品 It's not interesting writing.
是的，是的，我知道 Yeah, yeah, I know.
如果改成从火车上跳下去 然后你…觉得怎样？ How about if instead of diving from the train, you...?
我不知道，你滑了一跤掉进了泥里… I don't know. You slip and fall in some mud...
…然后裤子毁了？ ...and ruin your pants?
就那条我正要还回去的裤子 The very pants I was returning.
这可是绝妙的反讽 伊莲，这是有趣的作品 That's perfect irony. Elaine, that is interesting writing.
4号钱，克莱默打过来 I have a Cosmo Kramer on line four.
- 我是彼特曼 - 彼特曼先生… - Peterman here. - Mr. Peterson...
…你得把我的故事再卖给我 ...you gotta sell me my stories back.
你知道不？我不再需要它们了 You wanna know something? I no longer need them.
别，别，别，彼特曼先生，为什么 不把这些故事留下来当参考呢 No, no, no, Mr. Peterman, why don't we keep them as a reference.
胡说 Nonsense.
我要用贝尼斯的惊人的想像力 来继续我的故事 I have Benes' wonderfully imaginative mind to spin my stories.
把你的想法拿回去吧，你个流浪汉 You take back your tales, you vagabond.
给你，伊莲，继续创作吧 There you are, Elaine. Go forth and create.
顺便说说，当你写到浪漫的恶作剧 那章的时候… And by the way, when you get to that chapter about romantic escapades...
…无拘无束的把自己投入到那堆 乱麻中去吧 ...feel free to toss yourself into the mix.
嗨，范布伦花花公子们 Hey, Van B Boys.
这么说来，克斯坦萨先生 你把我的奖学金弄回来没？ So, Mr. Costanza, did you get my scholarship back?
伙计，伙计，放松点 Now, fellas, fellas, easy.
自己人不打自己人 Wouldn't wanna beat up on one of your own.
是吗？ Is that right?
那你为什么不亮出标志给我们看呢？ Then why don't you flash us the sign?
好吧 Right.
标志 The sign.
那不是标志 That's not the sign.
我以前在帮派的时候它是 It was when I was banging.
好吧… All right...
…如果你真是我们的人… ...if you are really one of us...
…那就让大家看看 你抢路过那家伙的钱包吧 ...let's see you take the wallet off the next guy who walks by.
非常乐意 Love to.
大学之后我拿到了巴黎大学的硕士学位 And after college I got my master's at the Sorbonne.
巴黎大学，哦，嘿，在巴黎 Sorbonne. Oh, hey, that's in Paris.
杰瑞，你的停车位快到时间了 Jerry, your parking meter is about to expire.
你别去，我有零钱 Don't get up. I've got change.
- 那，你们有啥想法没？ - 杰瑞，她太好了 - So, what do you think? - Jerry, she is fantastic.
我知道啊，我又不是傻的 I knew it. I'm not crazy.
她多善解人意啊 She's so sweet.
而且身材不错 And she's got some body on her.
还很聪明，像计算机一样 And smart, like a computer.
还有丰富的个性 但我们怎么想都不重要 And so much personality. But it doesn't matter what we think.
你喜欢她吗？ Do you like her?
现在还不确定 Now I'm not so sure.
她比你那个可怕的前女友安伯好十倍 She's 10 times better than that awful Amber girl that you were with.
对呀，安伯 不知道她从拉斯维加斯回来没 Yeah, Amber. I wonder if she's back from Vegas.
好了，不拖泥带水了 All right, no more stalling.
就下一个，不然你打到你成肉饼 Next one or you're meat.
好吧，好吧 All right. All right.
- 宋飞叔 - 嗨，乔治 - Seinfelds. - Hey, George.
你得帮我个忙 You gotta do me a favor.
把你的钱包给我 我随后还你 Give me your wallet. I'll give it back to you later.
你们好吗？ How are your folks?
试着选一新沙发 你不会想知道的 Trying to pick out a new couch. You don't wanna know.
把你的钱包给我 不然我就你们的心挖出来 Give me your wallet or I'll spill your guts right here on the street.
你说啥？ What did you say?
拜托，快点，老伙计 Come on, hurry up, old man.
我是个禽兽 I'm an animal.
你真粗鲁 快点啦，莫蒂 You're being very rude. Come on, Morty.
- 求你了，他们会揍我的 - 什么？ - Please, they're gonna hit me. - What?
乔治·克斯坦萨，你咋啦你？ George Costanza, what is the matter with you?
帮我问候你父母 Tell your parents we said hi.
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