海德高中
重返17歲
1989年的麥克·奧唐奈
奧唐奈 留點勁兒比賽 O'donnell, save something for the game.
我在熱身 教練 I'm just warming up, coach.
剛剛又和球探談了 他今晚來 Just talked to the Scout again. He's coming tonight.
你打滿半場 我知道你行 You play half the game. I know you're capable of.
他打算提供給你全額獎學金 He's prepared to offer you a full scholarship.
大學的免費直通車 孩子 你的前途很光明 Free ride to college and the world's your oyster, kid.
謝謝 教練 Thanks, coach.
好啦 隊員們 集合 合影 All right, jockstraps, let's gather up. Picture time.
都給我上鏡點 Try not to break the camera.
等會兒 內德還沒來 We gotta hang on. Ned's not here yet.
管他的 他不過是送水的 Who cares? He's the water boy.
這無所謂 但他是隊裏的一員 That doesn't matter, because he's part of the team.
對不起 我遲到了 Sorry I'm late! Sorry I'm late!
如果我在和怪獸的大戰中 But what kind of dungeon master would I be
中途開溜 if I left my party in the middle
我算哪門子的地下城主 of a battle with a hippogriff?
瞧瞧 女孩版的麥林(亞瑟王中的魔法師） Check it out, it's Merlin in the girlin.
內德 我是你最好的朋友 Um, Ned, Ned, look, I'm your best friend, all right,
我一直站在你這邊 And I'll always have your back.
但當你穿著袍子出現時 But there's only so much I can do
我只有一件事能做 when you show up in a dress.
奧唐奈 你和小喬治 O'donnell. How about you and boy George
該歸隊了吧 join us for this picture?
-是的 當然 -稍等 - Yep. Yep. - Just one sec.
請把牌子給那個小子 好啦 Give the little guy the sign, please. Here we are.
很好 後面的往前一點 Nice, guys. Scoot up in back.
你們得把最帥的一面 Come on, you gotta look pretty
展現給那些女孩子們 對吧 for the ladies, right? Come on.
很好 開拍了 3 2 1 Yeah. let's do it. Three, two, one.
喂 香草冰(著名歌手） Hey, vanilla ice.
我們還要比賽 讓我們開場吧 We got a game here. Let's bring it in.
夥計 我是被逼的 我是被逼的 Man, I had to. I had to.
夥計 瞧那邊 Oh, man, over there.
那個冷冰冰的狐貍精是誰 Who is that stone-cold fox?
是我女朋友 Oh, it's my girlfriend.
把他們一網打盡 老兄 Take no prisoners, bro.
我的女孩來啦 Oh, hey, there's my girl.
我真高興你來了 斯嘉 I'm glad you're here, Scar.
球探要來 搞得我超緊張 This whole Scout thing has me wicked nervous.
我覺得我的未來就指望這場比賽了 I just feel like my whole future's riding on this game.
是啊 我明白你的感受 Yeah. yeah, I know how you feel.
真的 一切...一切都好嗎 Yeah? Is everything...? Everything's cool, right?
是啊 一切都好極了 Oh, yeah. Everything's totally copacetic.
-都好 -都好 - Totally? - Totally.
奧唐奈 O'donnell.
我得上場了 回見 I gotta go. See you.
你還好吧？ You okay?
-我們可以賽後再談 -不 就現在 - We can talk about it later. - No. Just tell me.
今晚對你很重要 你該盡情享受 It's your big night. Go enjoy it.
除非你告訴我怎麼了否則我無法享受它 I can't enjoy it unless you tell me what's going on.
好吧 Okay.
奧唐奈! O'donnell!
清醒點 Wake up!
奧唐奈! O'donnell!
你在幹嘛 What are you doing?
斯嘉 等等 Scar! Scar, hey.
斯嘉麗 Hey, Scarlet.
喂 你在幹什麼 Hey, hey. Hey, what are you doing?
麥克 你在幹什麼 Mike, what are you doing?
聽著 你和我 我們一起面對這件事 好不好 Look, you and me, we're in this together, okay?
但是這場比賽 是你的未來 But the game. That's your future.
不 這個嬰兒才是我的未來 No, the baby's my future.
-你瘋了 -你是我的未來 - That's crazy. - You're my future.
我不能讓你拋棄這一切 我不會讓你這麼做 I can't let you throw this all away. I won't let you.
如今的麥克·奧唐奈
謝謝你讓我住這 內德 Thank you for letting me stay here, Ned.
不客氣 沒什麼 Oh, yeah. No problem.
-你吃的慣麥片嗎 -吃的慣 很好 - You good on the cap'n? - I'm good on the captain.
麥克 Hey, Mike?
麥克 我知道你很沮喪 但是有點你得相信我 Mike, I can tell you're down, but trust me on this.
你在等斯嘉麗 You're looking at Scarlet
把你踢出家門 kicking you out of the house...
而事實上孩子們 And the kids wanting nothing
不願和你在一起 這也是不利因素 to do with you as a negative, when in fact...
-我猜大多都對你不利 -是啊 - I guess it's mostly negative, isn't it? - Well, yeah.
我想不出有利的 I had no upside for that.
今天是你升職的大日子對吧 Hey! You're getting that big promotion today, right?
是的 是的 Yes. Yes, I am.
今天是我轉運的一天 Today everything turns around for me.
給他們好看 Knock them dead.
我愛你 I love you!
所以不管怎樣 So anyway...
公司讓我們拖延時間 ...the way corporate wants us to spin it...
這種方式 可能就像在某些情況下 ...is that maybe, in certain situations...
四小時的持續勃起並沒那麼糟 ...a four-hour erection isn't such a terrible thing.
好了 下一件事 OK. Next staff.
正如絕大多數人所知 今天我將榮幸 As most of you know,today I am proud
任命我們的新地區銷售主管 to be naming our new Regional Sales Manager.
來吧 Here we go.
我已經在製藥業這行裏 You know I've been in the pharmaceutical game
打拼了近兩年了 for almost two years now...
人們總是問我 And people always ask me
如何成為地區銷售主管 "What's it take to be an RSM?"
領導力 Leadership.
勇氣 Courage.
正直 Integrity.
但最重要的是 對公司的無私奉獻 But most importantly, dedication to this company.
所以恭喜 麥克 So congratulations. Mike.
麥克 如果你能往左靠一靠 Mike, if you could slide to your left
我就可以恭喜我們的新地區銷售主管了 so I can congratulate our new RSM,
溫蒂！ Wendy!
天啊 天啊 Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
出去慶賀吧 女士們 Go out there and push some pills, my peeps.
幹得好 寶貝 Good job, baby!
再見 謝謝 Bye-bye, thanks.
看你的表現 See you at practice.
麥克 怎麼有事嗎 兄弟 Mike. What's crack-a-lacking, coz?
我來告訴你怎麼了 Well, I'll tell you what's crack-a-lacking.
你耍我吧？ Are you kidding me?
溫蒂在這干了2個月 我已經干了16年了 Wendy's been here two months. I've been here 16 years.
我是組裏幹得時間最長的 I got the best numbers on the team.
你可以把這看作對你的讚賞 You should think of it as a compliment.
就像我們說 Think of it as us saying,
升職已無法體現你的價值 "You're just too valuable to promote."
你這個小... You little...
你好 老兄 不 不 不 我有時間 Hey, buddy. No, no, no, I got time.
我知道 聽著 I know, right? Look, listen,
他是我的雙... she was my doubles par...
這麼多人 就一個提升名額 So many girls and only one promotion,
沒人嫉妒 你們太支持我了 Nobody get jealous. But you guys are so supportive.
-溫蒂 這是你應得的 -謝謝 - But, Wendy, you did it. - Thank you.
溫蒂 溫蒂！ Wendy! Wendy! Wendy!
服了你們了 天啊 You guys! Omg.
還有好戲呢 Oh, and it gets better,
因為我們要去星期五狂歡 because we are going to t.g.i. friday's!
不是吧 Shut up!
麥克·奧唐奈 Mike O'donnell.
我認識你嗎 Do I know you?
不 但我認識你 No. But I know you.
是嗎 Oh, yeah?
高中明星 High school star.
潛力無限 Never quite lived up to your potential.
遲早你會回到這所學校 Sooner or later you all come back to the old school.
站在這 凝望過去那些輝煌日子的照片 Stand there and look at the picture of the glory days...
猜想原本會是什麼樣子 ...wondering what might have been.
在我看來 你們都活在過去 Seems to me you guys are living in the past.
我當然想回到過去 Well, of course I want to live in the past.
那的生活更好 It was better there.
我打賭你想重來一次 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again.
你說中了 You got that right.
你確定 You're sure about that?
確定 Oh, yeah.
-老爸 -你好 奧唐奈先生 - Dad. - Hi, Mr.O'donnell.
-小姐們好啊 -你在這幹嘛 - Ladies. - What are you doing here?
我剛剛在和... Oh, I was just talking to...
...沒什麼 ...nobody.
別管了 Doesn't matter.
我今天下班早 I got off work early,
我想我們可以一起去吃冰激凌 and I thought we could get ice cream.
一起？ Together?
-為什麼 -叫上你弟弟 好吧 - Why? - Just go get your brother, okay?
還需要別的嗎 Do you need anything else?
不了 謝謝 No, we're fine.
怎麼了 你們以前最喜歡這了 What's the matter? This used to be your favorite place.
我們曾來這給你過生日 We used to come here for your birthday.
沒錯 那時我才8歲 Yeah. When I was, like, 8.
艾爾 籃球賽季就要來了 So, Al, basketball season's coming up.
-你準備好了 -是的 - You ready? - Yeah.
在練習外線投籃嗎 Been working on that outside shot?
-傳球 -很好 - Passing? - Good.
-運球 -很好 - Dribbling? - Really good.
只是好沒法讓你拿到獎學金 Good's not going to get you a scholarship.
我是說 好極了 好極了 老爸 非常好 I meant, it's great. It's great, Dad. It's great.
不愧是我兒子 記住 不在於你的身材有多壯 That's my boy. Remember, it's not how big you are.
而在於比賽中如何最大限度發揮你的作用 It's how big you play.
來 Right up here.
瑪姬被喬治敦大學錄取了 Maggie got into Georgetown.
瑪姬 太棒了 Maggie, that's awesome.
你能把這調小點聲嗎 Can you turn down the?
好的 孩子們 回見 Okay, guys, see you soon.
我愛你們 很高興和你們聊天 Love you. Nice chatting with you.
你在幹嘛 What the hell are you doing?
那是我的 Hey, that's my stuff.
你幹嘛毀了我們的院子 Why are you destroying our yard?
這不是我們的院子 是我的 記得嗎 It's not our yard. It's my yard, remember?
你選了馬路 所以院子歸我了 You took the road not taken. And I get the yard.
我要把它變成給我客戶的示範地 I'm going to turn it into a showpiece for my clients.
-什麼客戶 -園藝設計 - Clients of what? - Landscape design.
園藝設計 Landscape design?
我要向人們展示我能做的 I'm going to show people what I can do.
好吧 但是離婚 Yeah, well, the divorce isn't final
兩周後才生效 for another two weeks,
所以你還沒權利 So you do have no right.
是嗎 過去18年我一直在 Really? So I've spent the last 18 years
聽你抱怨說如果不是我的話 of my life listening to you whine about the things
你能做什麼 你卻說我沒權利 you could've done without me, and I have no right?
只是 我花了很多心血在這 It's just I put a lot of work into this yard.
是嗎 Did you?
是嗎 比如那個烤肉專用坑 Really? Like the barbeque pit?
是的 Yeah.
根據我的記憶 The way I remember that is that
你曾花一個小時弄好它 you spent about an hour working on it...
卻在接下來兩天裏 ...and then you spent the next two days
抱怨說如果你上了大學 complaining about if you had gone to college,
你就可以雇個人做 you could've hired someone to do it.
沒兩天吧 I don't think it was a whole two days.
那邊的吊床呢 Or the hammock over here.
怎麼了 Yeah.
我想你之所以放棄那個 I think you quit that one
是因為你已決定不再嘗試 because you just decided not to try anymore.
試著站在我的立場看待這一切 Look, try to see things from my point of view.
我對我的人生失望透頂 I am extremely disappointed with my life.
我從沒要求你娶我 I never asked you to marry me.
沒有 但我這麼做了 Yeah, but I did.
那今後你不用再幫我什麼了 You don't have to do me any more favors, then.
我們也不會再去挽回對方了 We're not going to hold each other back anymore, okay?
-斯嘉 -我們法庭上見 聽審時 - Scar... - I'll see you at court, okay? At the trial.
斯嘉麗 Scarlet.
內奧蜜 Naomi!
-你來了 -當然我會來 - You came. -Of course I came.
如果我不在你離婚時陪伴你 What bridesmaid would I be
我還算什麼伴娘 if I didn't hold your hand during the divorce?
現在 記住 第一次總是最難的 Now, just remember. The first one's always the hardest.
-麥克 -奈奧蜜 - Mike. - Naomi.
-是內奧蜜 -管你叫什麼 - Naomi. - I don't care.
我們走 我們得讓你做好準備 Let's get going. We got to get you ready.
重回這行 Back on the market.
沒錯 我很在行 Yeah, I'm a real catch.
單身母親帶著兩個十幾歲的孩子 Single mom with two teenage kids
卻不得不去擺弄肥料 and manure caked under my fingernails.
你能行的 你能把12歲的男孩搞上床 You'll do great. You got the butt of a 12-year-old boy.
好極了 希望我們的女兒能聽到 That's terrific. I hope our daughter heard that.
你多久沒做愛了 When was the last time you waxed?
再見 麥克 Bye, Mike.
再見 Bye.
你確定嗎 You're sure about that?
上帝 Jesus.
快下來 Hey! Get off of there!
不 能聽到嗎 Oh, No. Hello?
聽到了嗎 聽到了嗎 Hello?! Hello?!
那是... What the?
不要啊 Oh, no!
天啊 Oh, man.
內德？ Ned?
小偷 Thief!
不 不 內德 不 不 是我 No, no, no, Ned! Ned, no, no, no! It's me!
住手 住手 Stop! Stop!
內德 Ned?
感覺好極了 Oh, wow. I feel great.
你想幹嘛 別啊 內德 What are you doing? No, Ned.
不要 No.
不 不 不 內德 No, no, no, Ned!
內德 拜託 是我 我是麥克 Ned! Come on! It's me, it's Mike!
內德 聽我說 聽我說！ Ned, Ned，I'm telling you, I'm telling you!
住手 馬上給我住手 Stop it!Stop it! Now!
一把優雅的武器 An elegant weapon...
來自一個更為文明的時代 ...from a more civilized time.
是我 我是麥克·奧唐奈 你最好的朋友 Hey, it's me! It's Mike O'donnell, your best friend!
你有隱睪 You have an undescended testicle.
谷歌上能查到 Googleable!
內德 Ned!
數學考試時你幫我作弊 但我被抓住了 You helped me cheat on my math test, but I got caught.
公共記錄上有 Public record!
你邀請萊亞公主參加中學舞會 You asked princess Leia to junior prom.
地區新聞上報道了 Covered by the local news.
我喘不過氣來了 我喘不過氣來了 I can't breathe! I can't breathe!
拜託 Please.
上帝啊 Oh, my god.
不 不 不要 No, no, no.
內德 內德 Ned, Ned.
天啊 Oh, my god.
你能別盯著我看嗎 Would you stop staring at me?
-你把我嚇壞了 -這把我嚇壞了 - It's freaking me out. - It's freaking me out!
我回到少年時期了 I'm pubescent!
好吧 那麼... Okay. So, uh...
這是個經典的變身故事 ...it's a classic transformation story.
在文學作品裏無數次出現 It appears in the literature time and time again.
你曾被伽瑪射線射中過嗎 Were you at any point shot by a gamma ray?
-沒有 -接觸過某種伽瑪射線 - No. - Exposed to gamma radiation of any kind?
-沒有 內德 -沒有 - No, Ned. - No?
有你也看不到 好吧 You wouldn't see it. Okay.
那就減少了很多可能性 That eliminates these and those and most of that side.
你現在或者曾經變成過一個 Are you now or have you ever been
挪威神 吸血鬼或是時光穿梭生化人嗎 a Norse God, vampire, or time-traveling cyborg?
我們什麼時候認識的 一年級 I've known you since, what, first grade?
如果有的話我早告訴你了 Maybe I would have told you.
吸血鬼不會說的 生化人自己不會知道 Vampire wouldn't tell. Cyborg wouldn't know.
閉嘴 Shut up.
好吧 如果不屬於這些情況 Okay, if it's not any of those,
我猜 我們得瞧瞧你基本的 I guess, um, we're looking at your basic...
靈媒變身魔術 ...spirit guide transformation magic.
事實這可算個大問題 That's kind of a biggie, actually.
找到了 That is here.
當英雄 When the hero...
我猜這指的是...我猜是你 I guess that's... I guess, you.
被他的靈媒變身 uh, is transformed by his spirit guide...
並重新安排他的人生 ...to set him on a new path.
-什麼意思 -我看起來像你的靈魂嚮導嗎 - Which is what? - Do I look like your spirit guide?
那個清潔工 The janitor.
清潔工 The janitor.
你們看到清潔工了嗎 你們看到清潔工了嗎 You guys seen the janitor? You seen the janitor?
-你知道清潔工在哪嗎 -不知道 - Do you know where the janitor is? - No.
清潔工在哪 他在哪工作 Hey, where's the janitor? Where does the janitor work?
-抱歉 -你沒事吧 孩子 - Excuse me! - You all right, kid?
-這的另一個清潔工 -就我一個 - There's another janitor who works here. - Just me.
不 不 這還有一個 No, no. There's an older guy
白髮的老頭也在這工作 with white hair who works here.
我昨天還在這和他談話 I was here yesterday talking to the janit...
我給他看了我的這張照片 I showed him this picture of me.
-你的照片 -是的 - You? - Yeah.
那張照片是1989年拍的 That picture's from 1989.
是啊 算了 Right. Forget it.
阿萊克斯 Alex!
阿萊克斯 老兄 Alex, buddy!
阿萊克斯 Alex!
有人在嗎 Hello?
靈媒 是你嗎 Spirit guide?
我該怎麼辦 What am I supposed to do?
我不知道該怎麼辦 Don't know what I'm supposed to do.
我被打中了 我被打中了嗎...有個兵被幹掉了 I got shot. Did I get shot or did I get...? Someone got powned.
-是個手榴彈 -內德 - It's a grenade. - Ned.
什麼 唉 年輕版的你 Aah! Oh, sorry. Teenage you.
我想明白了 我知道該怎麼做了 I figured it out. I figured out what I'm supposed to do.
我知道靈媒要我做什麼了 I figured out what my spirit guide wants me to do.
我要回去 I'm going back.
我要重回高中 I'm going back to high school, Ned!
不不 這不可能 No! No, no. No way.
你的靈媒不會將變形的魔法浪費在 Your spirit guide would not waste transformation magic...
讓你重回高中和做返校節國王上 不可能 ...On you reliving your senior year and going to prom. No.
內德 這是我重塑人生的機會 讓一切變好 Ned, this is my chance to have my life over, but to do it right.
-換作是你 也會這麼做吧 -不會 - Wouldn't you, if you had the chance? - No.
我很富有 今天沒人找我麻煩 I'm rich, and nobody stuck my head in a toilet today.
是嗎 再說這也不光是為了我自己 Sure. Besides, it's not just about me.
-是為了你 -不 遠不只是為了我 - It's about you. - No, it's much bigger than me.
-就是為了你 -好吧 或許是為了我 - It's about you. - Okay, maybe it's about me...
但那又有什麼錯 ...But what's wrong with that?
1989年以後我就沒為自己活過 I have not done anything for me since 1989.
你愛怎麼著都行 You do what you have to do.
但是別讓我和你一起趟這渾水 But don't think about sucking me into this with you.
海頓高中是我人生的低谷 Hayden was the low point of my existence...
我發誓絕對不會再回到那鬼地方 ...And I vowed I would never go back to that godforsaken place!
絕不 從不 Never, ever, ever!
永不 絕不 從不 永不 Never! Never, ever, ever!
我恨你 I hate you.
您好 Hello.
我來為兒子 I'm here to enroll my son...
辦入學手續 ...In school.
他叫馬克 Mark.
您好啊 What's up?
那麼 So...
我們先坐下等您一會兒 So we'll just have a seat till you're ready for us.
我們馬上...好吧 We'll be right, uh... okay.
你穿的像什麼樣子 What's this you're wearing?
很酷 嬉皮士風格 This is cool. This is hip.
凱文·費德林也有過相似的打扮 I have a picture of Kevin Federline wearing the same thing.
-我不認得 -你穿的什麼 - I don't know who that is. - What are you wearing?
-你穿的像個老爹 -我本來就是 - I told you, like a dad. - I am.
-你看起來像克萊·艾肯 -別提他了 - You look like Clay Aiken. - Leave him out of this.
-你確定這些不會穿幫嗎 -當然不會 我是誰啊 - Are you sure these look legit? - Oh, yeah. Look who you're talking to.
我發明了軟體 I'm the guy who invented the software
防止人們竊取音樂 That prevents people from stealing music.
我還發明了幫助人們竊取音樂 I also invented the software that helps people steal music...
但那只是個美妙的插曲 ...But that's a happy coincidence.
那是什麼 What is that?
我的天啊 Oh, my g...
-拿錯了 那些是我的 -你開什麼玩笑 - Wrong. These are for me. - You kidding?
她叫什麼名和奇威是我的 What's-her-name and Chewie's for me.
可以去見馬斯特森小姐了 Miss Masterson will see you now.
走吧 Let's go.
不要鬧笑話 Just don't try to be funny, all right?
少說少錯 Say as little as possible.
看路 土包子 Hey, watch where you're going, toolbag.
-很抱歉 是我們不好 -斯坦 - So sorry, sir. Our fault. - Stan.
你好 我是簡·馬斯特森 海頓高中校長 Hello. I'm Jane Masterson, principal here at Hayden High.
你好 Hi.
你好 Hello.
-你好 -你好 - Hello. - Hi.
可以了 Uh, okay.
可以鬆手了 Yeah, I think we're good here.
抱歉 Sorry.
我們剛才的握手產生了愛的結晶 I think our hands just made a baby.
請原諒我父親 Excuse my dad.
他不太喜歡和迷人的女士交談 he's not used to talking to attractive women.
謝謝你的... Oh, thank you...
-我叫馬克 -馬克 - Mark. - Mark...
謝謝你那不合時宜的恭維 ...For that flattering yet totally inappropriate comment.
請坐 Please sit.
談話開始前 我想告訴您 馬克是個雜種 Before we get started, I think you should know that, uh, Mark's a bastard.
什麼 Excuse me?
他是非婚生子 也就是說 I had him out of wedlock, so...
我是單身 ...I'm single.
鑽石王老五 And I'm very rich.
好吧 Okay.
-你帶來成績單了嗎 -是的 - Did you bring your transcripts? - Oh, yeah.
成績單 Transcripts.
你之前在康涅狄格州的卡特勒高中 Last school you went to was Cutler High in Connecticut.
是優等生 真不錯 Straight-A student. Very impressive.
數學俱樂部 Math club...
全國資優成績總決賽 ...National Merit Finalist...
科尼島吃熱狗比賽冠軍 ...Coney Island hot dog eating champion.
海頓高中有幸請你入學 Well, I think Hayden would be lucky to have you.
-歡迎 -謝謝 - Welcome. - Thank you.
高德先生 您還有什麼問題 Uh, yes, Mr. Gold. Do you have a question?
你的頭髮很美 Your hair is pretty.
雖然不是個問題 不過謝謝你 Ah. Not a question, but thank you.
我可以嗅一下你秀髮的味道嗎 Would the lady mind if I smelled it?
我想該跟你說明白 Now is probably a good time to tell
我們不准和學生家長約會 You that I don't date students' parents.
我也該向你申明 Maybe I should tell you that I never
我和所有我孩子的校長都約過會 Don't not date the principal of my child.
好了 爸爸 好啦 Okay, come on, dad. Come on, dad.
走吧 Let's go.
就快說完了 I was about to close!
你想表現好嗎 那就沉著點 你是個父親 You have to do it right now? Just calm down. You're a dad.
天啊 我們置身其中了 Hi. oh, my gosh. we're in.
看見她那赤裸裸的眼神沒 You see her undress me with her eyes?
我可不這麼想 I don't think that's what that was.
真不敢相信我們做到了 Hey. wow. I don't know how we did it.
那是瑪姬的朋友 看著 It's Maggie's friends. Watch this.
-姑娘們 怎麼樣 -你是誰啊 - Hey, girls, how's it going? - Do I know you?
當你自己是誰 明星麼 What'd you do, mug k-fed?
歡迎來到金字塔底部 Welcome to the bottom of the food chain.
在高中永遠有我支持你 Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay?
如果你的靈媒要你假扮青少年 So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager...
我願意做你的假老爸 ...And me to be your fake dad...
至少我能保證自己的假兒子看上去... ...The least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look...
不那麼傻氣 ...Like a total douche.
-我才不傻 -真是個傻冒兒 - I don't look like a douche. - What a douche.
我們去採購 We're going shopping.
-真的 -沒錯 你的上衣讓人看了眼暈 - Really? - Yes, your shirt is bedazzled.
是寶石晃眼 Bedazzled with rhinestones.
去上學吧 Let's go to school.
快看吶 老兄 Hey, yo, check it out.
真囂張 That's just rude.
你看什麼 What's up, dude?
你亂看什麼 小阿飛 What are you looking at, punk?
-看著點 -醒醒吧 傻子 -Watch it. -Wake up, douche.
抱歉 Sorry.
別打電話 別發短信 No phones, no texting.
坐好 大家都坐好 Settle, people. Settle down.
禁止在教室打鬧 Take the roughhousing outside, class.
你好 Hello?
-你好 -你到底在哪兒 - Hello? - Where the hell are you?
我的天 Oh, cr...
-是那件事 -你是說我們的離婚 - The thing. - You mean our divorce?
你到底有沒有認真對待這事兒 Do you take any of this seriously?
沒有 不 我很認真 No, no! Yes, I take this seriously.
我突然需要出國 I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh...
去和瑪雅人和印加人... ...With the Mayan... Inca,
我現在秘魯和印加人在一起 I'm with the Incas in Peru.
我想我們能找到新的... We think we might have found the next...
生發劑 ...rogaine.
你和一個女孩在一起? Are you with a girl?
沒有 只不過是一群啦啦隊員 No, no. It's, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders.
你能和10年級生約會嗎 So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader?
我認為撫養權可以完全歸你 I think we could go for full custody.
不 你不能把孩子奪走 No, you can't take my kids away from me.
你何時開始關心了 Since when do you care?
聽著 Look...
我和他們的距離 遠比你想像的要近 ...I'm a lot closer to them than you think.
我們再談 好嗎 Let's reschedule, okay?
瑪姬 Hey, Maggie.
為什麼這個新生朝我揮手 Um, why is the new kid waving at me?
我不知道 I don't know.
如果這男孩是蘋果的話 But if that boy were an apple...
味道一定不錯 ...He'd be a delicious.
天啊 Oh, god.
天 我們身材都很棒 Gosh, we are all in such great shape.
知道嗎 跟你透露個秘密 Man, you know, I will tell you something.
再過10年 我們就該有啤酒肚了 In 10 years you're going to have this thing right here...
做多少仰臥起坐都減不下去 ...That no amount of crunches will get rid of.
局部瘦身? 全是胡說 And spot reduction, total lie.
我... You know, I...
別介意 把球給我 Never mind. Give me the ball.
假動作向右 實際向左 Fakes right, goes left.
經典上籃 And signature move.
孩子 Kid.
我是墨菲教練 I'm coach Murphy.
-你還沒退休 -什麼 - You're still here? - What?
你是個傳奇人物 You're a legend.
是啊 不過是二十年前 Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years.
這是我帶的最後一屆了 It's actually my last one.
跳躍力很好 控球不錯 Good hops, kid. nice handle.
我們需要一個得分後衛 We're looking for a point guard.
是嗎 Oh, yeah?
-為什麼不來試試 -好的 - Why don't you come to tryouts? - Okay.
-我說完了 -好的 - I'm done talking to you. - yeah, yeah.
進展如何 Hey, how's it going?
一起順利 Things are looking up.
墨菲教練邀我入隊 Coach Murphy practically put me on the team.
這不是個巧合 一切都在步入正軌 That's not a coincidence. We're on the path.
很好 That's great.
你正找回自己的命運 等等等等 That's super you're finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever.
有件事情 我需要你幫忙 Here's something. I need you to do something for me.
我需要你惹點事 I need you to get in trouble.
不要犯大事 Not, like, big trouble.
只要惹的麻煩足夠讓校長請家長就行 Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father.
好吧 再說吧 Yeah, okay, well, we'll see.
內德 贏了 - Oh! boom. Ned!
薩米爾 將死 Boom. Checkmate, Samir!
-見鬼 -將死 - Damn it! - Checkmate.
能幫我個忙嗎 Uh, can I get a little help in here?
阿萊克斯？ Alex?
怎麼會... How does it...?
-是誰幹的 -籃球隊的人 - Who did this to you? - The basketball team.
為什麼 你是他們的隊友啊 But why? Why? You're one of them.
你人緣很好 You're popular.
這是私事 我又不認識你 Uh, look, this is kind of personal, and I don't know you.
-我被粘在廁所上了 -是啊 - I'm taped to the toilet. - Yeah.
我是馬克·高德 I'm sorry, I'm Mark Gold, uh,
是你內德叔叔的兒子 我剛剛轉來 your uncle Ned's kid. I just started here.
不錯 很好 Oh, cool. Cool, yeah.
我很想和你握手 Well, I'd shake your hand...
-但手被粘在屁股上了 -沒關係 - ...But it's taped to my ass. - Right. right.
能幫個忙嗎 Would you mind?
-當然 當然 -謝謝 - Yeah, yeah, sure. - Yeah, um.
-撕開就行 -我來撕 - Just rip. - I'm going to get it.
-是膠布 -撕吧 - Band-aid. - Go for it.
為什麼我們從未謀面 So how come we never met?
我媽不想讓人知道我是內德的私生子 My mom didn't want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned.
-這倒是 -是啊 - That makes sense. - Yeah.
我們就像家人一樣 So since we're practically family and all...
爸爸說我們應該互相照顧 你說呢 ...My dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know?
當然 為什麼不呢 Uh, yeah. Why not?
下次你可以在他們把我綁在馬桶之前救我 Next time you could get there before they tape me to the toilet.
沒錯 You got it.
看上去很美味 This looks good.
那是誰 Who's that?
-妮可 -你們兩個要約會 - Nicole. - Are you two going out?
不 不 她是啦啦隊長 No, no, she's the, uh, head cheerleader.
她不會和我約會的 She'd never go out with me.
我第一次見到你媽媽的時候 很是緊張 You know, when I first met your mother, I was so nervous...
你見過我媽媽 You met my mother?
-什麼 -我媽媽 - What? - My mother.
你說你第一次見到我媽的時候很緊張 You said, "the first time I met your mother, I was nervous."
-真是奇怪 你媽媽很火辣嗎 -老兄 - Oh, that's weird. is your mom hot? - Dude, what...?
-要我怎麼回答 -我只是在開玩笑 - What do I say to that? - I was joking. joking, dude.
斯坦 Stan.
我討厭那人 I hate that guy.
-天 -多謝 - Oh. - Thanks.
想怎樣 What?
新生 三明治不錯 - Freshman. Good sandwich.
就是那個人把你綁在馬桶上嗎 Is that the guy who taped you to the toilet?
沒錯 Yeah.
昨天他在我家把我塞進了洗衣機 Yesterday he shoved me in a washing machine in my own house.
-那混蛋在你家幹什麼 -他是瑪姬的男朋友 - What was that jerk doing at your house? - It's Maggie's boyfriend.
瑪姬居然有個男朋友 Maggie has a boyfriend?
我對你姐姐很失望 ...I'm very disappointed in your sister.
他在看你 別看著他 他脾氣暴躁 He's looking. Don't make eye contact. He's kind of temperamental.
-你在看他 別看了 別看了 -就是要看他 - You're looking. stop it, stop it. - I'll look at him.
這不是發光的傻冒兒嗎 Hey, twinkle douche.
早知道你在食堂就該把你和煮飯婆綁一起 If I wanted you in the cafeteria, I would've taped you to a lunch lady.
你這個小阿飛 You little punk.
別這麼跟他說話 You don't talk to him that way.
怎麼 Yeah?
你能怎麼樣 What are you gonna do?
我能怎麼樣 What am I gonna do?
首先 First...
我要向你父親告狀 ...I'm going to call your father.
我警告你 Heads up!
把球給我 賤人 Give me my ball back, bitch.
斯坦 我真為你感到悲哀 You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you.
-你不認識我 -我真的認識 - You don't know me. - Oh, but I do.
生活中一切完美 All too well.
你就是這種人 You're the man.
籃球隊隊長 Captain of the basketball team.
和漂亮女孩約會 Dates the pretty girls.
高中就像是你的王國 High school is your kingdom.
但是 大家注意 But, people...
斯坦不過是個惡霸 ...Stan's a bully.
為什麼呢 Why?
斯坦專門欺負弱小的原因很簡單 It'd be way too easy to say Stan preys
因為他是個爛人 On the weak simply because he's a dick.
不 No.
不止這些 No, no.
斯坦這個人 Stan here...
還不能單用爛人來定義 ...Is much more complex than that.
依據權威精神科醫生所述 See, according to leading psychiatrists...
稱他為惡霸有以下三個原因 ...Stan's a bully for one of three reasons.
第一 One
在逞匹夫之勇的外表下 Underneath all of that male bravado...
藏著一顆像不安的小女孩般的內心 There's an insecure little girl
使勁兒敲打著密室之門尋求出路 Banging on the closet door trying to get out.
像山頂洞人 Like a caveman...
斯坦的腦瓜... ...stan's brain is...
還沒發育好呢 ...underdeveloped.
所以斯坦控制不了自己 Therefore, stan is unable to use self-control.
才表現得咄咄逼人 And so he acts out aggressively.
原因之三 And the third reason.
斯坦那東西很小 Stan has a small wiener.
別傷了自己 大男孩 Don't hurt yourself, big boy.
21歲才能喝酒 謝了 Whoa, whoa, hey. drinking age is still 21, thank you very much.
除非那靈媒給你個假身份 這個只能我喝 Unless your spirit guide gave you a fake id, this is mine.
你吃的什麼 What are you eating?
不知道 就知道我太餓了 I don't even know. I just know I'm hungry.
老是餓 All the time.
行了 那樣吃又不安全又不衛生 Okay, that's not safe or sanitary.
那罐是你的了 做好標記 That's your can now. we'll label it like that.
那麼 今天上學都學什麼了 So, what did you learn at school today?
-我是個不稱職的老爸 -我還以為不錯呢 - that I'm a bad dad. - I thought it was going great.
對我來說是棒極了 It was going fantastic for me.
然後呢 And then what?
然後我發現我兒子 And then I found out my son spent the
在學校的最後一年 被當成受氣包耍 Last year being the school punching bag...
又眼看我女兒跟個神經質的混蛋舌吻 ...and watched my daughter get a tongue bath from a psychopathic jackass.
高中很爽 不是嗎 High school's delightful, isn't it?
是啊 可我覺得我可能選錯路了 Yeah. but I think I was wrong about my spirit path.
誰說對了 你看 我跟你說過 And who was right? see? I told you.
我說了不該回高中 I told you high school was the wrong thing.
回高中沒錯 但不是就籃球而言 High school was right, but it's not about basketball.
是為了幫阿萊克斯和瑪姬 It's about helping alex and maggie.
好了 我要走了 All right. I'm getting out of here.
-真噁心 -孩子們需要他們的老爸 - disgusting. - my kids need their father.
-幹嗎呢 -好啊 mark - what's going on? - oh, hey, mark.
那什麼 What was that?
三分球啊 A three-pointer.
能連續兩次都投進嗎 Can you do that twice in a row?
好 看看給你點壓力你怎麼樣 Okay. let's see you do it with a little pressure.
不錯啊 你應該進校隊 Wow, you're great. you should be on the team.
你應該加入的 我幫你 You should be on the team. I'm going to get you on the team.
就這樣 這樣一切就搞定了 That's it. that'll solve everything.
哥們兒 你說啥呢 Dude, what are you talking about?
沒什麼 Nothing.
好開心啊 Well, that was fun.
我都有差不多一個多星期沒好好玩了 I haven't been to happy hour in, like, a week and a half.
內奧蜜 謝謝你 我就需要這個 Naomi, thank you so much. that is exactly what I needed.
太好了 Oh, great.
-麥克誰 -麥克什麼啊 沒聽說過這個人 - Mike who? - Mike who? I've never heard of the guy.
媽 這是馬克 內德叔叔的私生子 Hey, mom, this is mark, uncle ned's bastard.
我知道是有人跟內德叔叔有過孩子 I know. someone had a kid with uncle ned. ew.
你沒事吧 奧唐奈太太 You okay, mrs. o'donnell?
沒事 Yeah, I'm fine.
應該是"女士" 孩子 是斯嘉麗女士 別忘了 It's "ms.," kid. it's "ms.," scarlet. don't forget that.
對 Oh, right.
你跟我老公長的這麼像 是不是 You look just like my husband. doesn't he?
我前夫 真是奇怪 My ex-husband. that is so weird.
奇怪 It is weird.
怎麼回事 What is that?
斯嘉麗 過來 Scarlet, I need you to come.
奇怪 Weird.
-看見那個沒有 -看見了 - Do you see that? - I did see it.
-看見他了嗎 -她不錯 - You see him? - She's nice.
但是看看他 But look at him.
你別再想著這傢伙了 往前看 You gotta let that guy go, just out of your brain and move on.
我知道你心裏難受 這是自然的 I know you need to grieve a relationship. it's only natural.
好吧 Okay.
你在這兒等著 我去聞聞他 You wait here. I'm going to go smell him.
別 別 親愛的 你可不能跟青少年玩這個 No, no, no. sweetie. you're not allowed to smell teenagers.
親愛的 你得聽我說 是這樣的 Sweetie, you need to hear me on this. here's the thing.
另外 你得明白 The other thing, you need to acknowledge...
他跟高中的麥克長的一摸一樣 ...that he looks exactly like mike used to look in high school.
咱們已經說過了 我看見他了 We discussed that. I have looked at him.
你得去認識別人 You need to hook up with someone new.
沒錯 我值得有人衝我微笑 告訴我我很漂亮 Yeah, I deserve to have somebody smile at me and tell me I'm pretty.
-沒錯 -就算是... - You do. - Even if it is...
叫我跟他一起回家 ...to just get me to go home with him.
或者吃午飯 對 我們要給你找個新夥伴 Or lunch. but, yes, we're gonna find you a new playmate. ow!
你這個小壞蛋 You little turd. you little snot.
是我的錯 不好意思 抱歉 My bad. gosh, I'm so sorry.
我看我是有點心不在焉了 因為我在想alex... I guess I was, uh, kind of distracted, as I imagine alex was...
聽到他媽還不是單身的時候 ...at hearing about how his mother, who is still married, by the way...
準備跟每個有機會認識的男人玩兒 ...is planning to run around with every guy she can get.
要是在阿富汗 If this is in afghanistan,
她會被砍了手 讓山羊拖過街的 She'd be dragged through the streets by goats with her hands cut off.
我只不過說說而已 奈奧蜜 I'm just saying. I'm just saying, naomi.
-內奧蜜 -管他呢 - Naomi. - I don't care.
夥計們 hey, guys. oh.
安靜一下 各位坐好 Okay, settle down. everybody take your seats.
謝謝 謝謝 謝謝 斯坦 謝謝你 Thank you, thank you. thank you, stan. thank you.
好的 Okay,
今天我們要繼續討論人類性行為 today we will be continuing our discussion on human sexuality.
就像我們談論過的 And as we discussed,
學校的官方政策是要禁止 the official school policy is abstinence.
很明智 Now, that is very sensible.
我很高興這裏的人思想都很健康 I'm glad that someone here has their head screwed on straight.
我想我們大家都應該做個禁慾的約定 I think all of us should make a pact to abstain from sex.
現在誰贊成我說的 各位 Now, who's with me, you guys? come on.
天啊 Oh, my god.
瑪姬 maggie?
不管怎麼著 說真的吧 However, let's get real.
我知道要求高中生禁慾... I know asking high school seniors to be abstinent...
就好像要求豪豬能拉出羊奶酪一樣 噁心 ...is like asking a porcupine to poop goat cheese. yuck.
由於你們中的大多數人 So since the majority of you are or
在某個時候性行為比較活躍 Will become sexually active at some point...
不過那個時期應該是很久以後了 對吧 But that point should be way, way in the future, right?
那麼 學校官方的立場是 Well, the official school position...
我們為你們的安全性行為做了準備 ...is that we prepare you for safe sex now.
請每人領一個 挨個傳下去 So please take one and pass it down.
我需求很大 I have needs.
沒必要拿那麼多 斯坦 給馬克一個 You don't need these. stan, give one to mark.
不 不 他說的對 我不需要 No. no, you know what, he's right. he's right. I don't need one.
知道為啥我不要嗎 You know why I don't need one?
因為我沒愛上任何一個人 because there's no one I'm in love with.
那是"做愛"對嗎 It's called "making love," isn't it?
可能我的思想落伍了 Maybe I'm old-fashioned,
但我認為那應該和你愛的人一起做的事 But I think that means you do it with someone you love.
最好是婚後 And preferably when you're married.
當你準備好承擔這份愛且寄托於子孫 You know, when you're ready to take that love and turn it into a baby.
那才是愛情的真諦 Because that's what love is.
當你第一刻抱著你的寶貝... It's that first moment when you hold your baby girl...
你從沒見過這麼小而精緻的東西 ...and you didn't know that anything could be so small or so delicate.
你能感受那微弱的心跳 And you feel that tiny heart beat...
就知道沒有比這個更讓你疼愛的了 ...and you know that you couldn't love anything more in the whole world.
你會希望自己對這個小生命負責 And you hope that you can do right by that little girl...
當她摔倒的時候你會在她身邊 And always be there to catch her when she falls,
沒有什麼可以傷害到她 And that nothing ever hurts her.
不會摔壞胳膊... Not a broken arm...
不會做惡夢 ...or a bad dream...
也不會傷心 ...or a broken heart.
-我不要了 拿走 -我也不要了 - I don't want these. just take them. - Me either.
真的啊? Are you serious?
好 不錯 很好 Great, fine, wonderful.
再給我點兒 More for me.
夠我一個禮拜的了 Now I got enough for the whole weekend.
天啊 Oh, my god!
-斯坦 -小伙子們 別打了 - stan! - boys, stop it!
拉開 把他拉走 斯坦 Break it up! get off him, stan!
把手機都拿開 別拍了 Put those phones away! stop it!
別打了 不許打架 stop hitting him! no fighting!
-喜歡嗎 -你會再進監獄的 - You like that? - You're gonna go to jail again.
看看這個 就像他老媽一樣扇他耳光 Look at that. he slapped him like a mother.
真噁心 That thing sucks.
真不怎麼樣 oh, that's wrong.
看看這個 我紐約的表哥給我發的 Yo, check this out. my cousin in new york sent it to me.
我沒來晚吧 I hope I'm not late for our meeting.
因為打架要被降級 真好 誰贏了 Busted for fighting, nice. who won?
實際上是打平了 You know, it was actually pretty even.
真的 Really?
視頻網站上看你是被爆打了一頓 On youtube it looked like you got your ass kicked.
我都看了好幾遍了 I saw it a couple times.
你穿的這是什麼啊 what are you wearing?
-貝克漢姆 -啥 - beckham. - no, what?
衣服 對 Oh, the clothes. oh, right.
對於沒受過訓練的眼睛 我就像個傻逼一樣 To the untrained eye, I look like a total idiot.
你就是 真的 You do, in fact.
實際上是誘惑的技術行為 就跟孔雀一樣 Ah. but it's actually a seduction technique known as "peacocking."
我的裝備是雙功能的 My outfit serves the dual function of icebreaker
可以破冰也可以吸引關注 and attention-getter.
現在進去吧 You can go in now.
看著 Watch.
你是展示自己嗎 Are you peacocking?
真的嗎 你覺得有用嗎 Really? you think that's gonna work?
我覺得有 I think it just might.
是奧唐奈太太 你好嗎 Is that? mrs. o'donnell! how you doing?
你好嗎 Hello, how are you?
我很好 你呢 I'm good. how are you?
還好 Good.
我該慢慢適應了 Wow. this is gonna take some getting used to.
你是內德的兒子 You're ned's son?
對 內德生了我 Yeah. yeah. ned gave birth to me.
他沒生了我 你知道我啥意思 Well, he didn't give birth... you know what I meant.
你還在做園藝 You're doing some gardening.
我重新修整了我的後院 I'm redoing the backyard.
想看看嗎？ You want to see?
當然了 我有空 Yeah, sure. I got some time.
顯然我還有好多活要干呢 Yeah. obviously, I still have a lot to do.
-你可以把它放在... -放在這兒 - You can put that... - Right here?
好吧 All right.
謝謝 Thank you.
-那麼就這樣了 -就這樣 - so this is it. - this is it.
一直就是這樣比較糟糕 It used to look a lot worse.
基本上 我是計劃在這裏放個池塘 Basically, uh, what I planned to do was to put a pond in over here...
-好 -然後放上水 - Okay. - ...and have water...
兩邊流水 ...streaming in from both sides.
然後再放個大平台在這裏 And then put a big deck right here...
還有石板露台在這裏 ...and then a flagstone patio there
中間放上草皮 with sod in between.
肯定好看 That would be pretty.
上面再加上 And then to have twinkling lights
閃閃的燈飾 above the whole thing...
這樣每天晚上就像星空似的 ...so that every night is a starry one.
一定棒極了 斯嘉 It's gonna be amazing, scar.
你剛叫我什麼 What did you just call me?
-我說 肯定棒極了 -你叫我斯嘉 - I just said, "lt'll be amazing." - you called me "scar."
只有我老公才那麼叫我 My husband's the only one who calls me that.
你要幫忙嗎 Could you use some help?
我自願的 又年輕又強壯 Volunteer. I'm young, I'm strong.
好吧 行 Right, got it. okay.
我知道那種酷哥釣女人的事 I realize that whole lady cougar hunting...
那種姐弟戀的事 ...the "mothers I'd like to," you know, whatever, thing...
夠你們這些小年輕炫耀的 ...is big with you guys, right?
特別是你們高中生 with you high school boys?
但是咱們之間不可能 But that's not gonna happen between me and you.
我也沒那意思啊 I didn't even mean it that way.
我倒想的更多的是商業經驗 I was thinking more along the lines of business experience,
申請大學之類的 College application.
但是如果你想那樣的話... But if you want to go there, that's...
-我給你把鐵鍬把 -好 - so I'll just get you a shovel, then? - yeah.
好的 Okay.
怎麼了 What?
我說咱們能行 I said we could do it!
你看見斯坦的表情了嗎 Did you see the look on stan's face?
阿萊克斯 選拔賽怎麼樣了 Alex? what happened at the tryouts?
還好嗎 how'd it go?
還好 馬克很不錯 很棒 It was good. mark had a great tryout. he played great.
-對 -我也不錯 我入選校隊了 - yeah. - and so did i. I made the team.
真的 太好了 太為你自豪了 Really? oh, great! that's so good. I'm so proud of you.
我也是 Me too.
他幹的真的很棒 He did great out there.
馬克 那樣非常不合適 Oh, mark. that's super inappropriate.
幹的真棒 L... good job today.
-幹的好 -謝謝 - good job! - thanks.
我要給你看點兒東西 過來 I want to show you something. come here. I wanna show you guys.
-你掛上燈了 -是啊 - You hung the lights. - Yes.
我想第一個叫你們看 I wanted you guys to be the first to see.
-媽 太酷了 -真的 - Mom, it's sick. - Really?
太好了 It's so good.
老天 Oh, my gosh.
馬克 哥們咱們該去練習了 Mark. mark, we should go practice, dude.
週五就比賽了 媽 真不賴 The game's on friday. mom, such a good job.
你覺得怎麼樣 What do you think?
棒極了 It's amazing.
當大家都發現你多有才的時候 When people see how talented you are,
你會是全市有名的園藝設計師的 You'll be designing gardens all over the city.
真的嗎 Really?
謝謝你 馬克 真的謝謝你 Well, thank you, mark. that's nice.
-我得走了 晚上有個約會 -你有...你有約會 - I have to go. I have a date tonight. - you have a...? you have a date?
我要去跳舞 簡直太荒唐了 我跳的很爛 I'm going dancing, which is ridiculous because I'm a terrible dancer.
-你跳的很好 -什麼 - you're an amazing dancer. - what?
看著你就會跳 You just look like you can move.
好吧 Um, okay.
我要走了 玩的開心 mark I'm going to go, so have fun, mark.
晚安 Night.
-你看什麼呢 -跳的很棒啊 - what are you looking at? - that was great.
這是蛇舞 That is the snake.
你1歲的時候這個舞相當火爆 That was a very hot dance when you were 1.
-教教我 -不行 - teach it to me. - I can't.
舞步很難的 It's a very advanced step...
我知道你不怎麼信 因為看我跳起來很輕鬆 ...which I know is hard to believe because I make it look effortless.
這對所有跳舞的人來說都不簡單 That's the secret to all great dancers.
叫我試試 Try me.
你幹嗎要選那首歌 Why did you pick that song?
我也不知道 就是 好像它讓我挑的 Oh, I don't know. it just, uh, kind of spoke to me.
有意思 Hm. that's funny.
那是我跟我老公在婚禮上跳舞用的曲子 That's the song that my husband and I danced to at our wedding.
很有品位的一個男人 Hm. a man of good taste.
-想讓我教你怎麼跳舞嗎 -想啊 - want me to show you some dance moves? - I'd love to.
我是在婚禮上學的 That I learned at my wedding.
-不錯 -對 你就咱在那兒 就那樣 - great. - yeah. okay, you stand here, like that.
對 就這樣 我站在這裏 Okay, like that, and I'll stand here.
-不對 你就站在那裏 -就那兒 - no, you stand right there. - right there.
好了 準備好沒 右腳向後然後左腳向後 Okay, ready? so you go right foot back and then left foot back.
然後右腳快 左 右 左 右 And then quick right, left, right, left, right.
再右腳 And then right... oh.
不錯 左 右 左 右 That was good. and left, right, left, right.
不錯 That's good.
真的很不錯 你學的很快 That was really good. you're picking that up pretty quickly.
你說你老公 So you mentioned your husband.
你覺不覺得你們會和好 Do you think you guys are ever going to get back together?
不 Um, no.
幹嗎這麼肯定 Why are you so sure?
可能他會去彌補一下 Maybe there's something he could do to fix things.
我愛我老公 我在乎他 I love my husband and care about him...
但有時候 這樣並不夠 ...but sometimes that just is not enough.
那就是他的錯了 Well, he blew it.
跳 Jump.
-媽媽 -嗯 - Mom? - Yeah.
阿萊克斯 Hey, Alex.
-媽 -我是你的媽媽 - Mom? - I'm your mom.
我是阿萊克斯的媽媽馬克 I am Alex's mom, Mark.
當然 Yeah.
-你的男伴到了 -什麼？ - Your date is here. - Huh?
-在大門前 你的男伴 -好的 - The front door. your date. - Okay.
她有點緊張 這有點恐怖對不 She was nervous. it's creepy, right?
有點 Little bit.
她不年輕了 就像 She's so old, it's like...
你和你所有朋友的媽媽都跳舞嗎 Dance with all your friend's moms?
常有的事 Pretty much.
-你好 斯嘉麗 -你好 - Oh, hi, Scarlet. - Hello.
-你太漂亮了 送你的 -哦 謝謝 - Wow, you look amazing. here. pour vous. - Oh, thank you.
康乃馨 太過時了吧 Carnations. what a douche bag.
馬克 Mark.
-沒 沒事的 -真抱歉 - No, that's okay. - I'm sorry.
我是個單身父親 I'm a single dad.
做兒子的看我約他媽媽都會有敵意 It's totally normal for sons to feel weird
這很正常 when their moms date.
我是說 他們也是想代替爸爸保護這個家 I mean, he's stepping into dad's shoes, protecting the castle.
-他不是我兒子 但... -哦 - He's not my son, but... - Oh.
那就有點怪了 Then that's weird.
-是有點 -嗯 - It is. - Yeah.
-準備走了嗎 -好 - Uh, do you want to go? - Yeah.
我去拿外套 Let me get my coat.
-拜託 -拿著這個 - Oh, come on. - Hold these, please.
-這男人 -你剛太沒禮貌了 - This guy? - You're being rude.
你不要麥克叔叔要他？ - You're going from uncle Mike to this guy? - Shh.
-小聲點 -好吧 - Be quiet. - Okay.
拜託 他呆頭呆腦的 - Do me a favor. shh. - He's a tool.
把這個給內德 叫他交給麥克 Give this to Ned, okay, to give to Mike.
是我們的離婚協議書 it's our divorce papers.
記得提醒他27號一定要出席 And remind him that he needs to be there on the 27th.
好嗎 謝謝 Okay? thank you.
你去哪呀 Where are you going?
嘉米的派對 Jamie's party.
阿萊克斯 Alex!
說真的 我不能來這 真的不行 Yeah, uh, seriously, I can't be here. I really can't be here.
你知道斯坦能對我 Do you know how many dangerous and
做出多少危險的事情嗎 Hurtful things Stan could do to me here?
你有被人把頭按到球堆裏嗎 You had your head shoved in a ball return?
那可不像做按摩 it's not a massage.
你已經是籃球隊一員了 這是屬於你的派對 You're on the basketball team now. okay? this is your party.
她來了 Okay, okay, there she is.
是妮可 我的天 There's Nicole. Oh, god.
-哪個 -她就在那 - Which one? - She's right there.
就是你眼前那個 You're looking at...
我這邊數第三個你那邊第二個 she's my 3, your 2.
-別看了 你直視她幹嘛 -冷靜點 - Stop it. you're looking right at her. - Calm down.
-抱歉 -你那是什麼 - Sorry. - What was that?
-沒事 打嗝而已 -你沒事打嗝幹嘛 - Nothing, it was a burp. - Why are you burping?
-腸胃問題 無視它吧 -腸胃問題 - I have tummy issues. what? get over it. - Tummy issues?
她不會喜歡我的 我是個失敗者 She's not going to like me. I'm a loser.
你怎麼會是失敗者呢 就因為斯坦說你是嗎 Why are you a loser? because Stan says you're a loser?
你覺得斯坦是完人嗎 他根本一無是處 Do you think Stan's a winner? stan's going nowhere.
你看上哪個女孩都是她們三生有幸 Any girl in here would be lucky to have your attention.
-你哪裏瞭解女孩子們的心 -我怎麼會不清楚 - What do you know about girls? - What do I know about girls?
我曾經和校花約過會 I used to date the most beautiful girl in school...
但是我沒有把握機會留住她 And I let her slip through my fingers.
我現在要幫助你 But I won't let that happen to you.
沒錯 你說的沒錯 You're right.You're absolutely right.
我就徑直走到她們面前介紹我自己 I'm just going to walk up to her and introduce myself.
明天在學校的時候 也許 還是作罷吧 Tomorrow at school. maybe. probably not.
快去吧 Just go.
-美女們 -你來了 - Hey, girls. - Hey, you came.
-你好嗎 -我很好 - How are you? - Good.
謝謝 有看到瑪姬嗎 我四處都找不到她 Thank you, um. have you seen Maggie? I've been looking everywhere.
瑪姬不在這 Oh, um, Maggie's not here.
但是 有我在呢 But, um, I am.
而且我真的很高興你來了 And I'm really, really glad you came.
-這是她的生日會 -抱歉 我沒有給你帶禮物 - It's her birthday. - I didn't get you a present, I'm sorry.
-把你包起來送給我就好了 -這個 - I'll just have to unwrap you. - Heh, heh. okay.
我因為身體過於柔韌被踢出了拉拉隊 I was kicked off the cheerleading squad for being too flexible.
坐下 快坐下 Okay, okay. sit down. just sit down.
如果你們自己都不自重 If you girls don't respect yourselves...
別人怎麼會尊重你們呢 ...then how do you expect anyone else to respect you?
對不 Right?
我不需要你尊重我 Don't respect me.
對 你別尊重我 No, don't respect me.
你記不住我的名字也無妨 You don't even have to remember my name.
-這太放蕩了 -你先說的 蕩婦 - Wow, that's slutty. - First of all, you slut.
是他們父親的問題 This is some other dad's problem.
嗯 我覺得你很像我家小狗 And, um, I just want to tell you that you look like my dog.
-你說什麼 -你的頭髮和我家狗的毛很像 因為 - Excuse me? - Your hair looks like my dog's hair.Because..
-是麼 -不 我的意思是即亮又柔軟 - Oh, um... - No, it's shiny and soft.
我們餵它添加了亞麻的獨特狗糧 We give my dog special food. it's got flax in it.
哦 亞麻 Oh, flax.
-它特別可愛 -這挺好 - She's a sweetheart. - That's sweet.
但她已經死掉了 Well, she died.
你是說我看起來像你家死掉的狗 So I look like your dead dog?
我太緊張了 我一直想跟你講話的 I'm just really nervous, and I've wanted to talk to you for so long.
-我在想什麼呢? -沒事的 沒事 - What am I thinking? - Don't worry about it. really.
-阿萊克斯 -天啊 你知道我叫什麼 - Alex? - Oh, my god, you know my name.
你著火了 You're on fire.
-真的? -你真的著火了 - Really? - Literally, you're on fire.
什麼 What?
身上起火了 Literally on fire.
我暈 是真的 我要走了 再見 Whoa. okay. yeah, I'm gonna get out of here. later.
把那邊的鑰匙給我 Just hand me those keys right there.
鑰匙一直放在那 They're in for the night.
如果裏面也燒著了 If the keys are locked in there,
你們就都出不去了 I don't know how I'm going to get you guys out.
節約點氧氣 Conserve some oxygen in there.
別瞎叫了 氧氣有限 Don't scream, you have a limited amount of oxygen.
她們好漂亮 是吧? 這漂亮妞還真多 They're pretty, huh? we got some pretty ladies in here.
你在這啊 Oh, there you are.
-你來幹嘛 -我想跟你聊聊斯坦 - what do you want? - I just want to talk about Stan.
你為什麼會和他約會 你知道的 他是個痞子 Why are you dating him? I mean, you know he is not a nice guy.
他不正常 He's crazy.
別這麼說他 你根本不瞭解他 Hey, don't say that about Stan. you don't even know him.
哦 是的 我真的瞭解他 比你瞭解的多 Oh, but I do. I really do. I know him better than you.
我們畢業之後就要同居了 Look, we're moving in together after graduation.
斯坦考進喬治敦大學了? Stan got into Georgetown?
-你說什麼 -你說什麼 - What? - What?
沒 斯坦在停車場找到一份管理工作 No. no. Stan got on the management track at home depot.
還真是好工作 Oh, great.
我會去維斯特伍德社區大學 And I'm going to Westwood community college
以方便我們生活 to be closer to him.
這輩子就他了 He's my forever.
-那絕對不可能發生 -你說什麼 - There's no way in hell that's happening. - Excuse me?
我說那絕對不可能發生 I said, "there's no way in hell that that is happening."
你認為我能讓你賭上你的未來嗎 You think I'm gonna let you mortgage your future?
你覺得我會讓你浪費掉所有的努力 You think I'll let you throw away your hard work
所有的成就 Everything that you've accomplished
就為了一個根本不在乎你的變態嗎 For some psychopathic guy who doesn't care about you?
我決不准 決不准你再見他 I forbid you. I forbid you to see him anymore.
好吧 你以為你是誰啊 Oh, okay! who the hell do you think you are,
我爸爸嗎? 天 my father?! dude!
-別想這樣就走 -你真是個怪胎 - Don't walk away from me. - You're a freak.
瑪格瑞特·薩拉·奧唐奈！ Margaret Sarah O'donnell!
-進展如何? -還真是棒極了 - Hey. how'd it go? - Fantastic.
你腿怎麼了 What's on your leg?
我們是勇士 耶 耶 We're the warriors! yeah, yeah!
防守是制勝關鍵 Defense wins the game.
有事嗎 覺得你氣色不好 What's wrong? you look uncomfortable.
沒事 Oh. no.
我只是回想上次我在這的情景 I was just thinking that the last time I was here...
我丈夫向我求婚 ...my husband asked me to marry him.
這意義還真深刻 Tough to compete with that.
落後4分 把球傳給高德 Down by 6, get the ball to gold.
喊三聲齊乎勇士 一二三 Warriors on three. one, two, three.
勇士 Warriors!
斯坦你幹嗎呢 快上 Stan, what are you doing? let's go.
上 阿萊克斯！ Go, Alex! whoo!
左路 left side.
回防 pick off! right there!
他浪費時間太多了 上啊 he's got too much time. come on!
傳給mckinley 帶入禁區 Get it to Mckinley! get it in! get it!
守住 Get him!
給我球 Ball!
快點 傳出來 Come on, outside!
奧唐奈 傳給高德! 快傳啊! O'donnell! give the ball to gold! give the ball to gold!
不 不 不 No, no, no!
-我們贏了 你真太厲害了 -哦 我 - We did it! you were great. oh. ooh. I, um...
-我全是汗 嗯 -不好意思 - I'm sweaty. um... - Sorry about that.
恭喜 真是太棒了 Congratula... that was awesome.
你跳的真 我看到 我喜歡你的舞蹈 You did a great... I saw the... I liked the dance.
我覺得八月 八月不錯 Yeah, so I think August... August will be good.
晚安 All right, uh, have a good night.
明天見 See you tomorrow.
你好 多巧啊 Oh. hi. wow, what are the odds?
這次又有何貴幹 What's it going to be now?
難不成你買了自由女神像給我 did you buy me the statue of liberty?
我想約你出去 像個成年人 I'm just going to ask you out, okay? like a grownup.
就是兩個朋友一起吃晚餐 Just two friends having dinner.
如果事情有所發展 Then if it turns into anything else,
我們還可以重新來過 We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
不 晚安 No. good night.
我會給每個學生一台筆記本 I'll buy every student a laptop.
你不想讓他們擁有筆記本嗎 You would deny the children of laptops?
-馬斯特森小姐 為了孩子 -好好 好吧 - Miss Masterson, the children. - Okay. okay, fine, fine.
我同意了 但這不是約會 Fine. but this is not a date.
絕不是 No, in no way a date.
我這次同意你 And if I do this,
以後不要舉止怪異和送我禮物了 you will stop the inappropriate behavior and gifts.
-好 -我們開車去吃飯 - Yes. - And we'll just drive to this restaurant.
不是乘太空梭過去 We won't fly there in the space shuttle...
或者俗氣無比的加長豪華車 Or drive in some gaudy, tacky limo.
我們坐你的車好不 No, let's take your car. how about?
這邊 This way.
內德呼叫駕駛員 任務取消 取消 把車開走 Ned to driver, abort. abort, abort. move it out right now.
我真的搞砸了 她跑過來 我應該吻她的 I totally missed it. she came right up to me, I should've kissed her.
我卻傻楞在那 And I froze.
沒事的 我再給你製造個機會 Hey, don't worry. I'll get you another chance.
怎麼製造 你要怎麼做 How? how are you going to do that?
在我家舉行慶功宴! Victory party at my house!
瑪姬 Maggie.
瑪姬 Maggie? hey, Maggie.
走開 Go away.
怎麼了 Hey, what happened?
你要幹嘛 What do you want?
摸摸我的頭說 "我說吧" Rub it in my face? say, "I told you so"?
不 不 我不會的 No. no, I really don't.
到底怎麼了 Just tell me what happened.
斯坦把我甩了 Stan dumped me.
斯坦把你甩了 Stan dumped you?
斯坦把你甩了 什麼 Stan dumped you? what?
怎麼回事 他怎麼說的 What happened? how did this...? what did he do?
他怎麼說的 What did he do?
比賽之後 After the game...
我們 We...
他帶我去了後場 我們... He took me behind the quad, and we...
我聽不下去了 你不是吧 I can't hear this. you didn't.
-不是吧小瑪 -沒有 - No, Mags. - No.
沒有 No.
他就因為這個把我甩了 That's why he dumped me.
小瑪啊· Mags, hey.
沒事的 Hey, hey, it's okay.
當你年輕的時候 When you're young,
屁大點事感覺就像世界末日一般 everything feels like the end of the world.
其實不然 It's not.
對 Right.
只是個開始 It's just the beginning.
你可能會遇到幾個垃圾 You might have to meet a few more jerks
但是總有一天你會遇到 But one day you're going to meet a boy
待你為掌上明珠的王子 Who treats you the way
就像太陽和你升起降落 Like the sun rises and sets with you.
真的是這樣嗎 You really think so?
當然 I know so.
你真貼心 That's so sweet.
你最好了 You're the sweetest.
-謝謝你 -沒事的 - Thank you. - It's okay.
-哦 -謝謝 - Ow. oh. - Thank you.
我 我其實來找你是想 Anyways, I, uh, came over here... I was looking for you.
請你去我的派對 不知你肯不肯賞臉 I wanted to invite you to my party. I don't know if you want to come.
-我當然想去 -好 - Yes. I would love to. - Yeah.
-哦 真好 -謝謝你 - Great. that's exciting. - Thank you!
-謝謝你 -真開心 - Thank you. - That's very exciting.
我知道 這太好了 I know, it's great. ha, ha.
晚上見 See you tonight.
"地點是馬克的家" "at mark's house."
太酷了 讓我玩玩 不錯啊 Hey, that's cool. let me see that. that is nice, man.
別動這些玩具 好嗎 Don't touch the toys, okay?
我會 盡量不要讓自己燒起來 Yeah, I'll, uh, try not to light myself on fire tonight.
-我手邊會準備滅火器的 -哦 那就好 - I'll keep a fire extinguisher handy. - Oh, good.
-要去外面坐坐嗎 -當然 - Do you want to sit outside? - Sure.
酒不錯 That's delightful.
怎麼了 有什麼不對嗎 What? what?
-好吧, 我承認不知怎樣才能正常點 -的確 - Okay, I don't know how to act normal. - Clearly.
這就是我的人生路 並非一帆風順 It's the story of my life. I'm not smooth.
我只是想給你個好印象 I'm just tryig to impress you, okay?
我不是經常來這地方吃飯的人 I'm not the kind of guy who comes to places like this.
我是個書獃子 I'm a dork.
我是那種花1萬塊 The kind of guy who spends 10 grand...
買雙塔奇兵裏的灰袍甘道夫魔杖的人 ...on gandalf the grey's quarterstaff from the two towers.
是 那的確有點呆 Yes, that does make you a dork.
尤其當灰袍甘道夫為了友情 Especially since gandalf the grey was only in fellowship.
化身為白袍甘道夫重回雙塔 He returns in two towers as gandalf the white.
我那時太難過了 對不起 好嗎 I was upset. I'm sorry, okay?
我要你證明你是愛我的 I need you to show me that you love me.
那樣的話我們就能真正同居了 And that way we can get a place together.
不要說了 聽著 不管過去如何 我有新男人了 Stop it. look, whatever. I'm with somebody else now.
-你說什麼 -遊戲結束了Stan - What? - party's over, Stan.
滾出去 Just get out of here.
誰能讓我離開這裏 Who's gonna make me leave?
你嗎 You?
你知道我會的 但是你滿身酒味 You know I would, but it smells like you've been drinking...
所以我打算讓警察來處理 So I'm just gonna let the cops do it.
這尼姑歸你了 You can have the nun.
她反正也不怎麼樣 She doesn't put out, anyway.
我改主意了 On second thought...
我剛做了一個最瘋狂的夢 Oh, I just had the craziest dream.
我回到了17歲 I was 17.
我回到高中時代 真是太可怕了 I was back in high school, and it was terrible.
傷疤 Scar.
傷疤 我沒有看到傷疤 Scar? I don't see a scar.
聽著 我知道你為何不想我和斯坦在一起 Look, I know why you didn't want me to be with Stan.
因為你喜歡我 It's because you wanted me.
你想玩遊戲嗎 那我就陪你玩 You want to play games? I can play games.
-不不不 -我是只飢渴的母獅子 - no, no, no. - I'm a hungry lioness...
你是只小羚羊 And you're a baby gazelle.
瑪姬 不 不要這樣 停手 Maggie! no, no, no, maggie, stop this now.
你要知道這樣的行為有多麼不適當嗎 If you only knew how highly inappropriate and dysfunctional this is.
住手 拜託你停下來 Stop it. please stop.
瑪姬 我不是你想的那種人 Maggie, I'm not the person that you think I am.
-不對 你是 -不 我不是 - yes, you are. - no, I'm not.
是的 你是好人 和他們不一樣 You're right, you're good. you're not like the others.
我和他們不一樣 我和他們有很大區別 I'm not like others. I'm very different than the others.
很大區別 事實上 你和我從來沒有 永遠 永遠 So different, in fact, that you and I can never, ever, ever,
永遠不能在一起 Ever be together.
-別咬了 -為什麼? - stop biting. - why?
哦 我的天哪 你在說什麼? Oh, my god. what are you saying?
你很困惑嗎? Are you confused?
我相當困惑 是的 超級困惑 I'm very confused, yes. extremely confused.
哦 天哪 我...我...我明白了 Oh, my god. i... i... I get it now.
你的頭髮已經很整齊了 你還要弄得更顯眼 And your hair is always perfectly coiffed, and you have highlights.
-你在說什麼? -我是說... - what are you talking about? - I mean...
夥計 你的牛仔褲太瘦了 Dude, your jeans are really tight.
我不是同性戀 I'm not gay.
我戀愛了 瑪姬 我戀愛了 I'm in love, Maggie. I'm in love.
我早就戀愛了 I've been in love.
我17歲的時候就和那個女孩談戀愛了 瑪姬 I've been in love with the same girl since I was 17, Maggie.
她和我們一個學校嗎? Does she go to our school?
我認識嗎? 告訴我她叫什麼 do I know her? tell me her name.
我想知道她叫什麼 I want to know her name.
-不要 瑪姬 別 -好吧 - no, Maggie. no. - okay.
你告訴你女朋友最好讓他看緊你 You tell your girlfriend she better keep a close eye on you.
上帝啊 我的心肝寶貝 Sweet baby jesus.
謝謝 Thanks.
你的沙拉好吃嗎?
很好吃 這個芝麻菜很新鮮
恩...你在哪裏學的說ELF?
從附錄學的
那麼...去你家還是我家?
我們買單 We'll take the check.
我死定了 I'm so dead.
不好意思 Excuse me.
- 斯嘉麗? 斯嘉麗 -嗨 - Scarlet? Scarlet? Scarlet. - hi.
-你在這幹什麼? -你看到阿萊克斯了嗎? - what are you doing here? - you seen Alex?
他不接電話 He's not picking up his phone.
阿萊克斯沒事 他沒事 相信我 Alex is fine. Alex is fine, believe me.
事實上 如果發展順利... In fact, with the way things are going...
...今天晚上阿萊克斯就會有個女朋友了 ...by the end of the night Alex could have a girlfriend.
-阿萊克斯有女朋友了? -是的 她很棒 很可愛 - Alex has a girlfriend? - yeah, and she's great. she's cute.
-過來 我指給你看 -在哪? - come on, I'll show you. - where?
上樓來 跟我來 我指給你看 Walk up the stairs. walk with me for one sec, I'll show you.
你是怎樣得到最新版的光暈(一個遊戲） So how ever did you get the newest version of halo?
要過6個月才會出預定版呢 It's not due out for another six months.
這麼說吧 Well, let's just say
有個人可以滿足我的願望 I said some things to the make-a-wish people...
...但是我並不感到自豪 ...that I'm not totally proud of.
我要殺了他 I'm going to kill him.
所有人都出去 Everybody, out!
不 不....別動費力所珀裏斯醫生 Oh, no, no. no! no! no! not dr. Philsopholis.
聚會結束了 This party is over!
除非你們準備再留校3個月 Unless you want to spend the next three months in detention,
快離開 馬上 leave! now!
好吧 我們最好去警告Mark Okay. we better go warn Mark.
你真的很在乎他 不是嗎? You really care about him, don't you?
-是的 -那就好 很好 - yeah. - that's nice. that's really nice.
你真的需要一個男性榜樣 He really needs a male role model.
-他是個好孩子 -對 - he's a great kid. - mm-hm.
你知道 他倆都是 You know, they both are.
我覺得你是個好媽媽 I think you're a great mother.
謝謝 Thank you.
他在陽台上 他現在在那 He's on the balcony. he's right there.
-媽媽 -.這段時間真的很艱難.. - mom? - this has been a really tough time...
...你真的很像這個家庭的一員 ...and you really feel like part of the family.
你不知道我聽到你這麼說我有多驚訝 You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that.
斯嘉麗 Scarlet.
斯嘉麗! 斯嘉麗 我不是馬克 知道嗎? Scarlet! Scarlet, I'm not Mark, okay?
我就是他 是我 I'm him, I'm me.
斯嘉麗 我是你丈夫 Scarlet, I'm your husband.
你能等等嗎? will you stop it already?
你聽我說 我是你孩子的父親 Scar 讓我... If you'd listen to me, I am the father of your children! Scar, let me...
別這麼叫我 不要這麼叫我 Don't call me that. don't call me that!
你是一個古怪的傢伙 You are a weirdo little man-child!
給我兩分鐘時間讓我解釋清楚 Give me two seconds, and I can explain this!
你是個變態 You are a pervert!
走吧 走吧 走吧 Get out, and get out, and get out.
你可以走了 You can leave.
恩 這確實不是我想要的不明不白的關係 Well, this isn't exactly the inconspicuous relationship I wanted.
你現在知道我為什麼不約學生家長了吧 I'm sure now you can see why I don't date my students' parents.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
抱歉 我不知道這件事情會難以收場 I'm sorry. I had no idea that it was going to get so out of control.
-恩 真的嗎 - hm. really?
-很抱歉 -我想這是我應得的 - now I'm sorry. - I guess I deserved that.
第二個是不由自主的 對不起 The second one was out of line. it was uncalled for. sorry.
你還好嗎? 我真的很抱歉 Are you okay? I'm really sorry.
3個就扯平了 現在平了 Three makes it even. now we're even.
你怎麼樣了? 你還好嗎? How are you? you okay?
是的 Yeah.
完成了 And finished.
這塊地毯的範圍 With the rug area.
但是我們有了很大的進展 But we've made very good progress.
我們得休息一下了 We deserve a break.
我失去了我的家人 I lost my family.
麥克 Hey, Mike?
如果這算安慰的話 If it's any consolation,
我想你真的幫到了你的孩子 I think you really did help your kids.
你已經盡職了 現在英雄可以繼續向前了 You did your job, and now the hero can move on.
我不想 I don't want to.
也許他們不再需要我了 但是我需要他們 Maybe they don't need me anymore, but I need them.
我不想惹你煩... Hey, not to be a buzzkill...
...但是你應該去法庭了... ...but you're due in court...
...在22分鐘內 ...in 22 minutes.
內德 我需要些時間 Ned, I need more time.
-我必須阻止這一切 -去開車 - I have to stop this. - to the Nedmobile.
-等等 內德 內德 -怎麼了 - wait, Ned, Ned, Ned. - yes.
-褲子 -我應該穿上褲子 是的 - pants. - I should have pants on. yes.
快點 格蘭 Come on, Glenn!
他就是個名字動聽愛爭吵的侏儒 He's nothing but a glorified midget wrangler.
要不是穿那個背心也不會變得如此高大 You wouldn't be so big without that vest!
拿好下面那個東西 抓好了 拉起來 Grab that thing that's down there. grab it. just hold that up.
-你從哪弄到的? -最多20美分 - where you get this? - best 20 ever spent.
節省了我半個小時的路程 Saves me a half hour on my commute.
老兄 舉起來 把它舉起來 Dude, just hold it. hold it way up.
-所有的真相 你能像上帝發誓都是事實嗎? - the whole truth, but the truth, so help you god?
我能 I do.
你在加州提起一起離婚訴訟... You request a divorce by the state of california...
...以性格不合為理由 是嗎 ...citing irreconcilable differences. this correct?
-是的 法官大人 -麥克爾·奧唐奈在場嗎? - yes, your honor. - is Michael o'donnell present?
不 法官大人 No, your honor.
我將他的缺席視為同意離婚 I take his absence as agreement to the orders of the divorce.
-你沒有申請單方監護嗎? -沒有 法官大人 - you are not requesting sole custody? - no, your honor.
"你不能歪曲事實" "you can't handle the truth!"
什麼? What?
抱歉 我太著急了 I'm sorry, I panicked.
這是我腦袋冒出的第一句話 it was the first thing that came into my mind.
法官大人 Your majesty.
-你是誰? -他是我好朋友的丈夫 - who are you? - that's my husband's best friend.
你是律師 好朋友? You a lawyer, best friend?
-是的 -不 - yes. - no.
我相信我口袋裏的東西會讓法官信服的 I believe the law degree in my pocket says so.
是的 他有點髒 Yes, and it's a little bit smeared
因為我在車裏的時候坐在上面... because I sat on it in the car...
...並不是因為我剛打印出來 ...not because I printed it out recently.
就算這是真的 你要解釋你想做什麼嗎? Let's pretend that's real. want to explain what you're doing?
我們... We...
...來阻止一場嚴重的 ...are stopping a gross...
...誤判! ...miScarriage ofjustice!
那... That...
好的 如果你讓我解釋 我能解釋這一切 Okay, if you'd just let me explain. I can explain this.
你過你可以聽... If you would just listen...
我這有封麥克·奧唐奈的信 I've got a letter from Mike o'donnell,
他是這案子裏的丈夫 he's the husband in this case!
對不起 我們正在 I'm sorry. we're in the middle...
法官大人 如果可以 請讓我聽聽信的內容 Your honor, if it's okay, I'd like to hear the letter, please.
謝謝 法官大人 Thank you, your honor.
這是一封麥克·奧唐奈的信 This is a letter from Mike o'donnell.
他希望我來讀 He wanted me to read it.
斯嘉麗... "Scarlet...
...在你進行官司之前 ...before you go through with this...
...我希望您能回憶一下1988年9月7日那天 ...i want to remind you of september 7th, 1988.
那是我第一次見到你 It was the first time that I saw you.
你正在讀《比零還少》 You were reading less than zero.
你穿著槍炮玫瑰樂隊的T恤 You were wearing a guns n' roses t-shirt.
我從沒見過這麼完美的事物 I'd never seen anything so perfect.
我記得我想的是要麼和你在一起 要麼去死 I remember thinking that I had to have you, or I'd die.
然後你悄悄對我說你愛上了我... Then you whispered that you loved me...
...在歸國舞會上 ...at the homecoming dance.
然後我感覺... And I felt...
...那麼平靜... ...so peaceful...
...那麼安全 ...and safe.
因為我知道從那天起不管發生了什麼... Because I knew that no matter what happeNed from that day on...
...都不會太糟糕 ...nothing could ever be that bad.
因為我有你 Because I had you.
然後我一步步成長... And then I grew up...
...我迷失了方向 ...and I lost my way.
因為我自己的錯而責怪你 And I blamed you for my failures.
我知道你今天這麼做是逼不得已 And I know that you think you have to do this today.
我並不想讓你這麼做 I don't want you to.
但是我想... But I guess...
...如果我還愛你... ...if I love you...
...我就應該讓你有新的生活" ...i should let you move on."
好了 孩子 你可以走了 All right, son, you need to go now.
我們繼續 Let's proceed.
對不起 法官大人 請問... I'm sorry, your honor. would it be okay...
...我是否可以將這個案子延期一段時間 ...if we postpone this for now for just a little while?
可以嗎? Would that be okay?
延期三十天 下一個案子 PostpoNed 30 days. next case.
自從畢業後 Haven't seen you
就從來沒看你這麼努力的訓練過 practice this hard since school.
是的 你知道 Yeah, you know,
如果我想讓那些校園偵探記住我 if I want to impress these college scouts...
...我必須專心訓練 ...then I need to stay focused.
等等 你不是還想拿獎學金吧 是嗎? Wait, wait. you're not still trying to get a scholarship, are you?
當心 夥計 你不是想放棄精神之路吧 Be careful, man. you do not want to get off of the spirit path.
根本沒路 內德 根本沒有路 我做不到 There's no path, Ned! there's no path! I can't do it!
我只能讓事情變得更糟 I just made it worse for them.
我妻子很開心 My wife is happier,
我的消失讓所有人都很開心 內德 everyone's happier with me out of the picture, Ned.
該往前看了 It's time to move on.
該走了 媽媽 It's time to go, mom.
高德 為比賽保留點精力了吧 好嗎? Hey, gold, save something for the game, huh?
只是熱熱身 教練 Just warming up, coach.
告訴你一個內部消息 Got a little inside info for you.
俄亥俄州立的球探又來了 和教練在一起 The scout from ohio state is back, and the coach is with him.
你打個半場球 我知道你有能力... You play half the game I know you're capable of...
...明年你能打進大學隊 是嗎? ...you're going to be playing college ball next year, huh?
-是這麼計劃的 教練 -把球給我 - that's the plan, coach. - give me the ball.
好了 集合 孩子們 照相了 All right, gather up, jockstraps. picture time.
別把相機弄壞了 Try not to break the camera.
我已經迫不及待要去喬治城 I can't wait to go to georgetown
開始和大學男孩約會了 and start dating college boys.
我想馬克會和阿萊克斯一起出來找我 I thought Mark was hanging out with Alex to get to me,
而不是你 not you.
好的 女士們 動起來 All right, ladies, let's bring it in.
簡! 簡! Jane! Jane!
簡 對不起 對不起 Jane! I'm sorry, sorry.
-內德 內德 -噢 抱歉 -Ned, Ned, Ned. - oh, sorry.
-內德 嗨 -嗨 -Ned. yeah. hi. - hi.
-我需要和你談談 -你在做什麼? - I need to talk to you. - what are you doing?
我練習過這個 呃 I practiced this, uh.
好的 Okay.
我剛才看到我好朋友失去了 I have just seen my best friend lose
對他來說很重要的每一件事情 Everything than means anything to him.
也許我們不該去那 但是 And maybe we'll never be there, but...
是的 我明白 但是我告訴過你我是這的校長 Yes, I understand, but I have told you before that I am the principal...
-是的 而且我不會和 - yes. ...and I cannot be seen...
...我學生的家長約會 ...with my students' parents.
但是 簡 為什麼你會見到我... But, Jane, how can you be seen with me...
...我穿隱形衣呢 ...when I'm wearing the cloak of invisibility?
簡 我所想的只是一個做朋友的機會 Jane, all I'm asking is a chance for us to be friends.
因為你是唯一一個我想陪在身邊的人 Because you're the one I want by my side...
...當我經歷精靈城堡的風暴時 ...when I'm storming the elvish castle of ganakinesh.
你隨時都可以來我的地牢進行搶劫 You can plunder my dungeon anytime.
我會帶上我的長弓 I'll bring my long bow.
武士隊! 加油! Warriors! yeah!
加油 Come on.
天哪 Oh, my god.
媽媽 你還好嗎? Mom? are you okay?
我不能再待在這了 我必須走了 I can't be here again. I have to go.
比賽 那是你的未來 孩子才是我的未來 The game. that's your future. the baby's my future.
你瘋了 麥克 不 我不能讓你把這些都丟下 That's crazy, Mike. no, I can't let you throw this all away.
再見 Mike Bye, Mike.
高中明星 從不會讓人失望 High school star. never lived up to potential.
-你在做什麼? 我想回到過去 - what are you doing? I want to live in the past.
我打賭你希望這些重來一次 I'll bet you wish you had it to do all over again.
你好 Hello?!
這是個經典時空轉移故事 It's a classic transformation story.
靈媒? Spirit guide?
你和我 我們在一起了 You and me, we're in this together.
現在輪到你了 It's your turn now.
走步 Traveling.
開球 Green ball!
奧唐奈 上場! O'donnell, get in there!
斯嘉麗 Scarlet!
斯嘉 Scar?
斯嘉麗 Scarlet?
是你 It is you.
我能解釋 I can explain.
你能? You can?
不 不是所有的 No, not at all.
-你又一次追到我了 - you didn't have to come after me again.
-是的 因為我愛你 - yes, I did, because I love you.
你是我做過的最好的選擇 只是我忘記了 You're the best decision I ever made, I just forgot.
然後我就掉下了橋 之後的事情就很奇怪了 And then I fell off a bridge and things got pretty weird after that.
但是我從來沒忘記過 But I'm never going to forget again.
聽著 我知道我的情緒一直都不好 Look, I know that I've been in a bad mood for the last...
...持續了20年 ...20 years.
但是如果你能原諒我 我發誓 But if you let me, I swear,
我會用剩餘的時間去彌補你 I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.
我想我需要人生的第二次機會... I thought I wanted a second chance at life...
...但是現在我知道我只想和你有第二次機會... ...but now I know I just want a second chance with y...
奇怪 Weird.
是的 Yeah.
我很想你 I missed you.
是的 我要把你放下來因為你變重了 Yeah, I'm gonna put you down because this was a lot easier before.
是的 你有6塊腹肌了 Yeah, you did have that six-pack thing going.
我還有機會再看看嗎? Is there any chance I'll see that again?
我知道你在檢查我 I knew you were checking me out.
加油! 加油! 加油! Go! go! go!
成年人能這麼做 Adults can have that, though.
好吧 我要開始運動了 也許我可以慢跑回家 Well, I'll work on it. maybe I'll jog home.
內德 嘿 Ned, hey.
我收拾好了所有東西 I packed up all my stuff and I
我想把鑰匙還給你 跟你道謝 Wanted to give your key back and say thanks.
哦 不是吧 Hey, whoa. no. no.
沒想到在這見到你 masterson校長 Wasn't expecting to see you there, principal masterson.
你看起來真美 You look very pretty.
謝謝 Thank you.
這個力場太強了 The force is strong in this one.
所以我想我會在公司見到你 老闆 So I guess I'll be seeing you at work, boss.
是的 奧唐奈教練 Oh, yes, uh, coach o'donnell.
我麼很高興有你的加入 And, um, we are very happy to have you aboard.
夥計 你新工作的第一天我有件禮物給你 Buddy, I got you a little something for your first day at your new job.
不要考慮他值多少錢 他不值錢 Don't think about how much it cost, it's not much.
你給我一個口哨 Hey, you got me a whistle.
別吹 Don't blow it.
好好幹 Play big.
你也是 You too.
祝你好運 愛你 Good luck. love you!
愛你 Love you!