((sensational "news like" music))
Hello and welcome to the News at When. When? For the modern day, I suppose.
Today we're looking at howcome Britain has connections with so many countries around the world
Here to explain more is Bob Hail with the British Empire Report. Bob...
Thank you, Sam! Well, there it is: the world! And right there in the middle of it is England!
Tiny little country with a big idea: to take over everywhere else,
and become really, really powerful.
So, in 1583 a [chewba?] chap called Humphrey Gilbert lands over here:
in a new found land called, Newfoundland!
He claims it for England, and so, the Empire begins! Tada!
Sadly, he doesn't leave anyone there to look after it and then he dies on the way home...
so all in all it's not a brilliant trip. But! England tries again!
In steward times, back across the Atlatic they go and this time they claim: Canada! And the Carribean!
And most importantly the east coast of America! Which means we finally have a British Empire!
And everything's going awfully, awfully well. But not for long.
The American States declare independence. Not only do they declare it, they fight for it!
And they win! Aw! It's a disaster! So, Britian has to go and try its luck somewhere else.
Fortunately, Captain Cook discovers Australia! So Britain says, "We'll have that!"
And also decides they would like a bit of Asia, over here!
Yes, you see there's a British business in Asia called the East India Company which trades in things
like tea and biscuits.. Mmmm yummy! 'Cause everyone loves tea & biscuits, right?
In fact, everyone loves it so much that the company becomes
big and powerful and starts to take over entire countries!
Plus! Britain wins the Napoleonic wars against the French Empire
they nab even more countries from them!
But wait a minute! It seems that Indian people don't like being ruled by a tea company
And who can blame them? They decide to rebel!
The British army, however, crushes the rebellion and Queen Victoria takes over the country
as Indian Empress, which don't impress the Indians, ha ha!
Meanwhile, over here, it seems the Dutch won't share South Africa!
Naughty, naughty!
So Britain has a couple of wars down there! The Boer Wars!
And couples up a few more countries along the way.
In fact, by the time WWI breaks out, a third of all Africans are ruled by the British!
And what's Britain's prize for winning the War? A lot more countries!
Of course, I mean, just look at it all: A third of the planet run by one, tiny island.
Eh..
But not for long!
First to go are Australia! Canada! Egypt!
And they demand to be recognized as equal countries, so they're out of the Empire.
Then the WWII happens. Britain wins, but we're completely broke!
Booo! And you can't run an Empire without money...
especially when the people don't want you there in the first place.
So India leaves, and everywhere else isn't far behind.
1948: an island goes. See you, island!
And then it's Sudan! Bye, Sudan!
And then it's Cypress and South Africa and Zanzibar and Malta and Singapore then Fiji
then Hong Kong..
then the screen goes dead, the cat's let out, then the phone's unplugged
the lights go off, the milk gets canceled, the gas is disconnected and I have to hand back to Sam.
Back to you, Sam.
thanks, Bob.
((piano music)
I love to be a British Queen, I am Victoria, you see..
Now where's my British butler with my British cup of tea?
Tea is not from Britain, ma'am, from India it was bought.
Yes, for your pauper, thousands died and many wars were fought.
British things. My British things. It seems that tea is not.
British things. My British things.
Can I sweeten it, a jot?
Don't tell me sugar is British, though...
No, it's Carribean, imported. For sugar in your cup of tea slavery has been supported...
I know it's wrong, your majesty, but slaves in Africa worked hard in fields
of sugar cane to sweeeten up your cha.
British things (together) British things. I thought that there were many.
British things, oh, British things.
Afraid there's hardly any.
You know you're British cotton vest...
What's wrong with it, explain?
The cotton's from America and picked by slaves again.
Your Empire's built on fighting wars, that's how your income is swollen.
Your British things are from abroad and most are, frankly, stolen.
Whatever next? Go on, pray tell.
Our British Queen is foreign as well...
It's true, I am of foreign descent.
And your husband, Albert?
A German gent...
At least I've got a British name...
"Victoria" is Latin!
That's a shame!
British things. British things.
There are none we declare.
All our favorite British things...
Seem to come from elsewhere.
More sugar?