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影子大地
- 事情进展怎样啊 Tom？ - 赢了他们了
一路领先
吕底亚今晚又在找麻烦了 克里斯托弗
有朱利安的消息吗？ 我想他过得不错吧 是不是？
朱利安？是啊 他过得不错 他应该下伦敦去了
- 我要的是'45 - 请再说一遍
杰克？杰克
- 杰克 真让人意外啊 - 意外？什么意思啊？
没在外面做你的生意啊？
什么生意啊 克里斯托弗？
我觉得你活像个中世纪的小贩…
专司贩卖那些可疑而真实的圣徒遗物
别抱怨了 克里斯托弗 杰克可不是罗马人 这我敢担保
我说话爱用比喻 哈利 杰克的生意是种制造业…
为困难的问题提供简单的答案
他说啥？
他说杰克为困难的问题提供简单的答案
我一直很想了解关于你弟弟的书
他究竟认识几个孩子啊？
- 杰克？恐怕一个都不认识 - 那他到底是怎么把书写出来的？
店员 这不是Charmontagne '45吧？
就我所知 它是 先生
- 稍等片刻 先生 - 不对 尼克 不对
你对马库斯存有异议 你不同意马库斯
但马库斯说他同意我啊 马克？
马库斯对他自己的思维方式 没有一个清醒的认识
而且 他还是个大骗子
我很好奇啊 杰克 很明显 你在现实世界里并不认识任何一个孩子
- 扯淡 - 我相信鲁珀特可以让我们认识认识…
他家的一两个小孩子
杰克 你忘了给我倒酒了
- 在那儿 - 谢谢你店员
谁说我不认识孩子的？你吗？
- 瓦尼 - 我哥哥就曾经是个孩子 鲁珀特…
而且 尽管有些不可思议 我自己也曾经是个孩子
明天就礼拜四了 杰克
是啊 一个礼拜转眼就要过去了 而我还有一半的信没回
- 你不一定都要回嘛 你知道的 - 不一定都要回 我知道
- 这仅仅是给他们鼓励 - 是呀
“C.S. 路易斯先生感谢你的来信…
但他却没有别的什么东西好回复你的了 ”
今晚会下很多霜的 瓦尼
太多星星了 我都眼花缭乱了
睡帽？
不用了
- 给你 - 明天去伦敦
跟谁做演讲啊？ 残废的老兵？
- 教会里的寡妇？ - 基督教教师协会
- 晚安 杰克 - 安 瓦尼
有一座花园 被一圈高墙所围绕
花园中 是一眼泉水
泉水中 是两块水晶石
水晶石的中间 在倒影中 又是一座玫瑰花园
在玫瑰丛中 有一朵完美无瑕的玫瑰蕾
当然 威廉·德·罗希是把这朵玫瑰蕾… （注：威廉·德·罗希 Guillaume de Lorris 13世纪的法国诗人 ）
用成了一种意象
但这意象是什么呢？
- 爱情？ - 什么样的爱情？
未被触碰的爱情？
- 含苞待放的 就像花蕾一般？ - 嗯 还有更多的吗？
- 完美的爱 - 是什么使它完美？
- 快说呀 醒醒吧 - 是不是典雅的理想的爱情？
是什么呢？ 它最本质的特征是什么呢？
- 呃… - 可望不可即
最强烈的快乐不在于拥有…
而是在于渴求
永不退却的喜悦 永不消逝的福佑…
只有当你得不到你所切慕的东西时 它们才是你的
- 怎么了 惠斯勒先生？ - 没什么 路易斯先生
如果你不同意我 一定要开口
向我挑战吧 我可以招架
即使我无法同时对着两个方向招架 你知道
或者 至少我可以 但是我有取胜的义务
为什么这里的啤酒总这么冰？冰啤酒！
冻坏胃了 没胃口
我要抱怨一下那个衣橱
抱怨？ 咱们的孩子们可喜欢它了
我不想再说一次 杰克的托儿所真是糟透了
不 你听我说
在你的书里 那座房子属于一个老教授…
他没有老婆 而且…
你说那小女孩走进魔法衣橱的时候…
她发现里面挂满了皮大衣
- 哦 很不错 埃迪 - 就这么简单
这房子是教授的老母亲的 就这么简单
啊哈 那么 为了来到那个魔法世界…
那孩子必须推开老母亲的皮衣
我不会那么写的 约翰 这不是你那寒酸的弗洛伊德精神分析学
但总体的意象一定是基督教的 毋庸置疑
不 哈利 它就是它 没有别的东西
它——它… 就是魔法
魔法 瞧
让我示范给你们看 那孩子走进衣橱
大衣又厚又重
- 大衣上的毛皮呢？ - 毛皮无所谓
孩子必须挤过去
那些皮大衣几乎压得她喘不过气来
突然 出现了白色的亮光…
清新、寒冷的空气…
树、雪…
强烈的对照 你瞧
那就是通往魔法世界的路
几点啦？
上帝啊 我的火车
不管怎样 呃…
明天再见大家吧 拜
- 好哟 杰克 明天见 - 再见 路易斯先生
昨天 我收到一封来信…
信中提及了一个事件 发生在…
差不多一年前的1951年十二月四日
写信的人没有忘记
我想 在场的各位也应该记得
那天夜里 在查莎姆…
一辆1路公交车突然驶向一队…
年轻的皇家海军陆战队军官学校的学生…
24人遇难
你们都记得吗？
信中问到…
一些简单却又基本的问题
在那个十二月的寒夜 上帝在哪里？
为什么他没有阻止这一切的发生？
难道上帝不应该是善良的吗？
难道他不应该是爱我们的吗？
难道上帝要我们去经历苦难吗？
如果 这些问题的答案是“是的” 那该怎么办？
其实 我不确定上帝是不是 只想让我们快乐
我认为 他想让我们学会去爱与被爱
他想让我们成长
我这么对大家说 是因为上帝爱我们…
而受苦 正是他送给我们的礼物
换句话说 痛苦是上帝的麦克风…
唤醒这个失聪的世界
你看 我们就像一块块粗糙的石料
从中 伟大的雕塑家将我们刻出人的样式
他的凿子的每一次击打 都让我们痛苦无比…
却又使我们愈臻完美
非常感谢大家
一位女士曾经梦到过我
她来信问我 是否我也曾梦到她
昨晚我做了个怪梦
格雷生夫人的另一封来信
- 梦到些什么我都记不清了 - 犹太人、共产主义者、基督徒、美国人
你可以问问我 如果我忘了那可真是太奇怪了
- 回答不了那个问题 - 我喜欢她的信
她有时候笔锋会很犀利
听听这个 瓦尼
她说 “我无法断定你究竟…
是那个被魔咒迷住的孩子 还是那个施魔咒的魔术师 ”
看 她的信真的很不寻常
她这么写 仿佛她在某种程度上很了解我
不过 我觉得我的书中 确实有我的影子 对吧？
我认为这就是美国人的风格
美国人不了解抑制欲望
啊 她要来英国了
她要来牛津 她要见我们
- 呃 她来不了 - 她知道的
当然来不了咯 不过她确实建议我们在她的旅馆里喝茶
喝茶比较安全 旅馆也很安全
尽管她可能有些疯狂
不 我不这么想 她可是会写诗的
诗？
她那是犬吠
你简直不能更同意了吧 是不是 杰克？
别担心 瓦尼
她到时候是会写一篇 关于衣橱的论文的
她会问我她可不可以 在你创作的时候看着你
她会说 “我就坐在一个角落里 你根本不会知道我在那里的 ”
只是喝点茶啦 瓦尼
结束一个小时左右的礼貌谈话 我们就各自打道回府…
然后一切的生活都恢复原状
我们要不要来点三明治？
我在想他们有没有烤茶点
打扰了 我来这里见 C.S. 路易斯先生 那个作家
是的 夫人
- 呃 你知不知道他长什么样？ - 不知道 夫人
哦 他也不知道我长什么样
是的 夫人
一点线索都没有？
没有 夫人
这里有没有谁叫路易斯啊？
- 格雷生夫人？你好！ - 幸会
- 这位是我哥哥 瓦尼 - 路易斯少校
请坐
嗯 你最终还是找到我们咯
是啊 我找了个人带路 很容易就找着了
只不过 你长得一点也不像C.S. 路易斯
哦 真抱歉我让你失望了 更别提牛津的其他东西了
不是 我…… 你不喜欢那东西？
呃 我并不是你所称呼的 那种公众人物 格雷生夫人
哦 你不是？ 我的意思是…
你写了这些书 你做了那么多讲座 还有所有的那些东西…
难道只是让人们对你敬而远之吗？
哦 天哪
我们才刚见面 你就把我看穿了
- 告诉我 你喝茶么？ - 茶？当然
- 这是在英国 对吧？ - 是这样的 服务员？
事实上 你看 呃…
我对你怀有一些敬畏之情 所以我有点儿紧张…
而每当我这样的时候 我就会变得有点…
不知道
真是很孩子气 我相信我会很快调整过来的
别太快 我希望 求你了…
因为我喜欢打一场美好的仗
- 是吗？ - 是啊
你听起来好像很惊讶
太棒了 喜欢打美好的仗 太棒了
不过？
上一次你被打败是什么时候？
- 我从1925年开始就一直在Morland（*）了 - 这儿真美
它有多老了？
这座学院差不多是500年前建立的
当然 并不是所有的建筑都那么老
我的房间在那儿 那是座新楼
- 新么？ - 1733年
你丈夫是做什么的 格雷生夫人？
哦 比尔？ 比尔是个作家
哦 那你也是了 杰克告诉我的
- 你喊他杰克？ - 我从来不喜欢克莱夫这个名字
哦 那好 如果你是个杰克的话…
- 啥？ - 没啥 如果你是个杰克 你看起来就正常得多了
谢谢
呃 我是犹太人 不过不是个信仰犹太教的犹太人 如果你听得懂我的意思的话
我是说 我是个基督徒 不过我从小可是个彻头彻尾的无神论者
- 无神论者？ - 别作吃惊状嘛
我不吃惊 我也曾经是个无神论者
你？那我们就都是堕落的无神论者咯？
是啊 不过我可从来没信过共产主义
- 为什么不信啊？ - 干嘛问“为什么不信”？
呃 我的意思是 在38年的时候 对我来说人生只有两个选择…
要么你是个法西斯主义者 征服这个世界…
要么你是个共产主义者 拯救这个世界
是这样吗？
那时候我一定在忙别的事了
哦 这个世界是需要拯救的
在五月一日的破晓时分…
唱诗班学校的合唱团就站在这里 向着初升的太阳歌唱
据说他们会吸引来一大群人
嗯 他们唱什么歌？
我也不晓得 我从来没起那么早 所以也没听过
哦 为什么不？ 我的意思是 那歌声多美妙啊！
呃 我不喜欢看风景
哦 那你都做些什么呢？ 仅仅是闭着眼睛走来走去？
你知道啊 格雷生夫人…
我不知道该对你说些什么了
呵呵 天哪
你计划在英国待多久？
到十二月底吧
- 你还会再来牛津吗？ - 我还没计划呢
你觉得呐？ 貌似我们下次可以来一壶家酿茶
- 我能搞定 - 要早点通知我们 当然咯
你觉得我可以带上我儿子吗？
道格拉斯是《纳尼亚传奇》的忠实粉丝 他很想见见你
- 啊 当然可以 - 我事先会通知你的
认识你真高兴 谢谢你为我做的这些
- 好 再会 - 是的 少校
有人会等着火车开走吗？
不晓得
性格与思想 鸡与蛋
孰先孰后？
亚里斯多德的答案 简单而一针见血
他说 “情节就是性格
忘掉心理学吧 忘掉人脑子里的东西
只要通过人们的行动去判断他们 ”
比如说 惠斯勒先生现在在睡觉
现在 从这个行动 我断定 他对我要说的内容毫无兴趣
问题是 如果真是这样的话 他为什么要在这里？
所以 我们根据惠斯勒先生的行为 可以构想出一个情节
他来了 他睡了
现在 亚里斯多德会说 下一个问题并不是为什么…
而是惠斯勒先生 接下去要做什么？
早上好 惠斯勒先生
我的课不是必修的 我的椅子也不舒服
- 我建议…… - 好吧 我走人
谢谢
他来了 他睡了 他走了
情节就这么复杂起来了
没事啦 瓦尼 她圣诞节过后就坐船回纽约了
匆匆不得尽殷勤呀
我在想 她丈夫要是知道她在英国 这样子瞎晃悠会怎么想呢
- 这不是中世纪啦 瓦尼 - 我跟你打赌…
她会叫你听她的一首诗
然后她会对你说 “你觉得我的诗怎么样 路易斯先生？”
然后你就被问倒了
我要说 “格雷生夫人 只有你能写出那么好的诗 ”
靠！
- 一共是1英镑9便士 夫人 - 别找钱啦
你好 你一定是道格拉斯
- 你就是他？ - 不啊 我是他哥哥
你找到我们了
- 呃 是司机的功劳 - 请进
请进吧
进来咯
那位就是他 进来呀
来啦你们
- 你好 - 很好
- 你好 抱歉 我的手…… - 我们真的很感激
你不知道道格拉斯有多么盼望今天
你就是道格拉斯
问他吧 我告诉过他 你会在他的纳尼亚书上签字的
- 介意么？ - 不啊 当然不介意了
好
好 “送给道格拉斯 ”这样可以么？
道格拉斯 好啊
他想知道你有没有一间阁楼？ 你可以自己问他这些东西啊
有的
写着啥呢 亲爱的？
- “魔法永不止息 ” - 哦 如果是这样的话 就向他要
谢谢 杨夫人 谢谢你
我很想去看看那阁楼
当然可以
来呀 小伙子 我们去找找看
谢谢 路易斯少校
哦 杰克很希望你能向他介绍你的诗歌
现在我得先找到钥匙
别犯愁 我可不会强迫无辜的陌生人读我的诗
我们不算陌生人吧 我希望
想不想喝茶呀 我们老早就说过要喝的那茶？
好啊 请
- 掺点奶 不介意吧？ - 可以呀
我想了解了解你的诗
你想了解哪些方面呢？
它们篇幅多长？ 是怎么用韵的？
- 它们的主要影响？ - 非常正确 当然了
- 放点糖？ - 好
嗯 你非常正确
呃 你能不能直接把我介绍给那些诗？
我不确定
我不会妄加评论的啦
那你会怎么做？ 三缄其口还是谎话连篇？
先让我听一首我才知道
那好吧 我和罗伯特·弗罗斯特曾经 共同赢得了一项国家诗歌奖
佩服
哦 真希望你就这么一直佩服着我 不过我们还是就诗论诗吧
我给你一首更早期的吧 《That way I'm covered》
我写这首诗的时候22岁 正是西班牙内战时期
题为《马德里的雪》
“软软地 如此地不经意
可爱地 如此光明 如此轻盈
残酷的天空飘落的东西 无人愿与之为敌
人类 在毁灭之时…”
抱歉
“人类 在毁灭之前 用完好无损的眼仅此一次地看见…
从空中落下的温柔之物 ”
- 嗯 很烂 是不是？ - 不 我很受触动
- 触动？ - 是的
触动……很好 差不多就是这首诗的档次
你可能会问我什么时候去过马德里 我的回答是从来没去过
- 个人经历算不上什么 - 我不敢苟同
我认为个人经历是最最重要的
那么阅读就是浪费时间咯？
不 不是浪费时间 但是阅读是安全的 对吧？
书籍不会伤害你
- 为什么人们应当受到伤害啊？ - 当我们从书本中学习时 就是这样的
仅仅因为那些会使人受伤的东西并不会因此 使它自己变得更真实或更重要
不 我想不是吧
我并不是说痛苦是…
无目的或者甚至是无立场的 但是 如果痛苦有意义…
那么一定存在着其他的什么东西
痛苦是个工具
- 如果你喜欢这样的比喻 痛苦是上帝的… - 麦克风 唤醒这个失聪的世界
啊 真汗颜
你对我的作品了如指掌 是吧？
大部分我都读过
我想我们未曾谋面便神交久矣
但是你缺乏个人经历
路易斯先生 我…
我能不能不要称呼你“路易斯先生”
这让我觉得自己像个小P孩 我能叫你杰克吗？
好啊 当然
杰克 我叫乔伊
哦 你好哦 乔伊
呃 杰克…
你有没有真正受过伤？
你可真是不依不饶哇
咱们到啦
有人会上这里来吗？
不会了
请进
我们进来咯 那张是瓦尼的桌子
这张是我的
这里收拾得很不整齐 我想
呃 你的思维却是井井有条的 对不？
是的
哇 很漂亮
这是真实世界的某个地方吗？
是的吧 这地方是叫金山谷 我想
- 赫里福郡的一个地方 - 颇具意义的一个地方吗？
算是吧 当我还是个孩子的时候 这幅画就挂在我们托儿所的墙上
那时候我还不知道这是个真实的地方
我以为那是天堂的风景
哦 应许之地
我曾经觉得某一天 我会 走到一条公路的拐弯角…
或是翻越一座山丘的脊梁 这片景象就会展现在我眼前
我真的受过伤 你知道吗？
第一次总是最痛苦的
那是我母亲的过世
- 你那时多大？ - 九岁
- 已经能够体会到受伤的感觉了 - 啊 是啊
那是我的世界的尽头
我记得我父亲泪流满面
哭声充满了整个房间
房门开开关关
那是间大房子 一条又长又空的走廊
我记得我牙疼 我想让我母亲来我身边
我哭着想让她来 但是她没有来
那时候你相不相信 在你离开 这个世界后 还会再次遇见她？
我想我的童年没有任何信仰
她走了 就这么简单
而现在你依然在倾听着 走廊上是否会传来脚步声
但却等不到
是的
- 你应该在天黑前看看花园 - 嗯 我会喜欢的
- 要穿上大衣 - 我这儿就有
- 有个湖！妈！一片树林和一个湖 - 哦 不错啊
其实是老砖房的一块积了水的土坑
- 都是你的了 - 小心点 道格拉斯
快乐的时光要开始了
- 他想家么？ - 哦 当然
我的意思是 他想回家过圣诞
不过 呃 事情并没有那样发展
你圣诞节打算如何过？
去一家不错的英国宾馆吧 我想
那你丈夫就得照顾他自己了 是这样吗？
是啊 他很习惯这么做
这湖可比那房子老得多了
人们说 雪莱曾经在这里放纸船 （注：珀西·比希·雪莱 1792—1822 英国浪漫主义诗人）
毫无疑问 纸船一定是用 他早年写诗的稿纸叠成的
我可不想让你在宾馆里过圣诞
干嘛不来我这儿呢？
大家都欢迎你们
你们不会想让几个美国佬 在你们的房子里到处横冲直撞的
我当然会跟瓦尼说一下的 不过…
我们干嘛不进屋里去
就我自己而言 我很欢迎你们来
不知为什么 圣诞节 如果有孩子在身边就更有意义了
我觉得我们应该去弄一棵树
我最厌恶的就是人们假设善意的存在
我一点也感受不到 我对别人有什么善意
- 我只感受到恶意 - 今年就不同了…
我相信会更热闹 一个喜庆的季节
我觉得 在我记忆中的 圣诞节是没有什么希望的节日
- 千真万确 那是因为我们失去了魔法 - 哦 快别提那讨厌的魔法了
嗯 你要告诉大家 这是在照顾穷苦的人…
自然他们就不会错过的了
穷苦的人确实是个问题
“旅馆里没房间了 ”记得不？ 那母子俩？
杰克邀请他们留下来 跟我们一起过
谁？
母子俩
格雷生夫人和她儿子
他们和我们一块儿过圣诞
哦 杰克 你让我大吃一惊了
格雷生夫人是谁？
哦 一个朋友而已 美国人
是个作家
大家在圣诞节都会有客人的 对吧？
你好 杰克 圣诞快乐
牛津
这里是牛津站
跟您聊天真愉快 祝您一路顺风 圣诞快乐
- 圣诞快乐 - 也祝你快乐
- 不用 妈妈 - 真的不重吗？
妈妈 为什么这些人刚才 在火车上唱歌唱得那么大声？
- 你好啊 - 哦 真没想到你会来…
瞧瞧谁来啦 道格拉斯
- 旅行愉快吗？ - 不错
- 欢迎回到牛津 - 谢谢
- 你们能来我们真高兴 - 是啊
走这边
道格拉斯 你住这儿
还有乔伊…
住这儿
还有…
浴室在这儿
- 嗯 差不多就这样子咯 - 这里很不错
好 我们先离开了 你们安顿一下
好 你跟我过来 道格拉斯.
你觉得后面会发生什么 瓦尼？ 来一杯愉快的茶？
呃 喝一杯茶你们做不了什么大坏事
- 乔伊？ - 啊 谢谢
顺便说一下 学院校长今晚…
要主持一年一度的圣诞晚会
我觉得我可能有必要出席一下
我想你可能不会跟我一起来 是不是？
带上道格拉斯？
- 道格拉斯？给你吃 - 谢谢
嗯 杰克 没问题的 晚上我可能要早睡觉 你不必先和我们回来
哦 遗憾呀 以为你会很喜欢那场合的
我们可以叫醒杨夫人 我们不会太迟的
我没意见
是我欠考虑了 你们才刚来呢
你热水瓶呢？
在这儿哟 裹得漂漂亮亮的
好啰 挨着身子放
你说他们干嘛不给房子装暖气啊？
呃哦 我不知道呢
好奇怪的国家
不过我觉得这的人都挺友好的
嗯 你读完这章就去祷告哦？
你脸上有个好大好大的吻
- 晚安 - 晚安
- 晚上好 路易斯上校 - 晚上好 罗伯茨
- 路易斯先… - 晚上好 罗伯茨
晚上好
来见见学院的教授吧
- 他到底是怎么认识这女人的？ - 鸿雁往来
啊 笔友哈
你好
这是你第一次来英国吗 格雷生夫人？
哦 是啊 第一次 不过我很久以前就一直想来了
- 为什么来英国呢？ - 我在创作一本书
希望在这里能找到出版商
克里斯托弗 你来啦
是啊 杰克 我来了
请允许我向你介绍乔伊·格雷生夫人
- 克里斯托弗·赖利教授 - 赖利教授
- 你好 - 幸会
你的书有什么亮点吗？
说实话 我都还没准备好让它见人呢
别这样呀 格雷生夫人
杰克就经常把他的书拿出来秀
啥意思？
我想你是从美国来的 对吧？
- 没错 - 也许你能替我解开…
我对相关问题的一些好奇…
一直以来我所理解的美国人 是一个喜欢高难度马术、谈吐强硬…
讲究实际的民族 不过杰克跟我说…
他的儿童文学在你们那边很畅销
- 是谁在买他的书呢？ - 嗯 赖利教授…
我们又不是全都是牛仔
你有读过杰克的儿童文学么？
杰克曾经向我大声地朗读摘要
这是他试验友谊的一种方法
我觉得那些书非常神奇
恭喜啊 杰克 你貌似找到灵魂的伴侣了
我以为你相信我们没有灵魂的 克里斯托弗
呃 是的 我现在认为 灵魂是女人的东西
和阿尼玛斯（animus）完全不同的 阿尼玛（anima） 男性的变体 （注：anima和animus是瑞士心理学家 卡尔·荣格的分析心理学中的两个概念）
我就是用此解释男女之间 为何存在巨大差异的
在男人有智力的地方
女人就有灵魂
诚如你所言 赖利教授…
呃 我是从美国而来…
而且 不同的文化 有着不同的交谈方式
我有点不理解了 你是在试图 冒犯我呢 还是仅仅是装傻？
我再给你介绍我其他的朋友吧
失陪 抱歉
你好
当我们还是小孩子的时候 它就立在我们托儿所了
如果你用不着它了 就该把它扔掉
我不擅长于扔东西 你看得出来
我们家里没有阁楼
你希望你现在在家里 对吧？
我们在家过圣诞时都有火鸡
哦 我们这儿也有火鸡
也有酸果蔓沙司吗？
- 啊 - 我爸爸喜欢酸果蔓沙司
是么？
还有雪
你长得像谁啊 道格拉斯 像妈妈还是像爸爸？
这一半是妈妈…
这一半是爸爸
不过我爸爸有点吵
而我不会
是什么方面比较吵？
大吵大闹 我讨厌人大吵大闹
嗯 我也不喜欢
我就知道这只是个小衣橱
杨夫人
我们好像没有酸果曼沙司吧 有没有？
酸果蔓沙司？ 啥东西啊？
呃 我的猜测是一种沙司酱 用酸果蔓做成的
哦 路易斯先生 如果你能为我 找到一些酸果蔓 我就把它们做成沙司
嗯 我认为杨夫人很令我们骄傲 瓦尼
圣诞快乐
要为你丈夫祝一杯酒吗 乔伊？
- 好啊 祝比尔 - 祝比尔
我们可以挂电话到美国去吗？
- 可以的呀 你想挂吗？ - 没事的
- 我们很快就回国了 - 请自便啊 如果想挂的话
- 我想挂 - 很贵的 道格拉斯
- 嗨 没事 我不介意 - 他只是觉得这里一切很新鲜
我不是！我想和爸爸说话
嗯 你不行 废话少说
讨厌的东西 电话 叮呤 叮呤 叮呤
停下你手上的活儿 起来 快 快
叮呤 叮呤 叮呤
一点也不讲礼貌
- 一切都好？ - 都还好
道格拉斯上床睡觉从来不会不听话
我觉得他做什么事情都挺听话
可能除了打电话之外
是啊 我可以？
可以啊
瓦尼也上床去了
有时候他会工作到劳累
- 我想你注意到了 - 是的
- 我看得出迹象 - 哦 还有迹象？
可爱的老瓦尼
你知道的 是吧？
知道什么？
呃 你一定觉得我不是个好母亲…
圣诞节都不让儿子给他爸爸打电话
哦 那个啊 那个我不该…
这个不…不是…
事情不是表面上看起来的那样子
- 我明白 - 谢谢你没有追问
追问什么？
追问这个女人在做什么 为什么没跟丈夫在一起 一个人在英国东跑西跑
哦 那个啊
我……我是逃出来的
永远是个错误啊 对吧？
我是说 到最终你总要面对现实
我离开家 因为比尔爱上了别的女人
他的想法十分浪漫…
如果你爱上一个人 你们就要结婚 我是他的第二个
他要我跟他离婚 他好娶他的第三个
我明白了
比尔是个酒鬼
他的不忠诚简直成了强迫症
他有时还很暴力 我想 已经有好几年我对他都没有爱情了
- 他很暴力？ - 只有在他醉酒的时候……
他完全不知道自己在做什么
只是他真的令我心力交瘁了
这就是事实
乔伊 呃 有没有什么忙我可以帮的……
有
你可以做我的朋友
我希望我已经是了
上车吧 小伙子
- 我来帮你拿 先生 - 嗯 再见 瓦尼
- 谢谢你忍受我们 - 哪的话
我们会想念你们的
- 再见 乔伊 - 杰克
他们明天就坐船回去吗？
没错
我不确定上帝是不是 只想让我们快乐
我认为 他想让我们学会去爱…
与被爱
想让我们成长
我们觉得我们孩童时代的玩具…
能够给我们带来所有的快乐 还有…
我们的托儿所 就是这整个世界
但有些东西一定会 驱使我们走出托儿所…
走入另一个世界…
一个需要我们经受苦难的世界
很想她 是不是？
嗯 一切都变得安静得多了 是不是？
嗯 我话不多
你的许多美德之一 瓦尼
- 她会回来么？ - 不会了
- 谢谢 - 非常感谢
- 啊 你名字是？ - 詹姆斯 先生
- 给你 詹姆斯 - 谢谢你 先生
- 请你帮我签个字好吗？ - 好哇
谢谢
我一直觉得这段时间 是一年中最难熬的时候
难熬？ 做什么难熬 杰克？
枝叶还未长出 到处都是泥泞
落霜的清晨已经过去
洒满阳光的清晨却未到来
给我暴风雪和冻结的冰柱吧 而不是这空空如也的季节…
而不是这个世界的等候室
跟我说说 克里斯托弗 我该如何表达这感情？
你感到心满意足吗？
我的感受依然是我的感受
这个世界依然是这个世界
我的满足抑或不满足 跟它一点关系都没有
没有虚度光阴的感觉吗？
当然有
晚上好
我希望你不介意
我可以进来吗？
行啊
我前几天刚好也在Blackwell书店
看到你借了一本书
不对 是偷 我偷书了 这些书大部分都是偷来的
它们写出来就是给人们读的 至少我读它们…
这就比大部分人做得更多了
这么说你读书的方式 跟其他人不同 是么？
没错
我晚上读书
没什么能打断我的注意力 有时候我整夜地读书
当我开始读一本新的书时 我的手就颤抖
我的眼球就跳动…… 他是不是和我有同样的感受？
他是不是看见了我所看见的东西？
你知道吗 我爸爸曾经说过…… 他跟你一样也是个老师
哦不 跟你不一样
他只是个乡村学校的校长
你父亲说什么了？
“我们通过阅读知道我们并不孤独 ”
如果我借你一些书的话 会不会有帮助？
我想会的 如果我希望得到帮助的话
好的 再会
你看 我们就像一块块粗糙的石料…
从中 伟大的雕塑家将我们刻出人的样式
他的凿子的每一次击打 都让我们痛苦无比…
却又使我们愈臻完美
非常感谢 谢谢大家
路易斯先生 我几乎无语了
路易斯先生 我真不想打搅您
祝贺啊！
- 太精彩了 - 路易斯先生 我从俄亥俄来的
俄亥俄？啊 很不错的地方
我要往前走 你会跟我们一起聊聊的吧？
是的 往前走 谢谢
了不起的演讲 谢谢
你好啊 杰克
- 你在这儿做什么？ - 我来听你的演讲
- 哦 是啊 不过…… - 我在伦敦做什么？
呃 我和道格拉斯现在住在伦敦了
- 真的啊？ - 我跟比尔之间发生什么了？
我们离婚了 不过这样对我们所有人都更好
是啊 你怎么没写信啊？
写信干嘛？ 征求你的同意？
- 不是 - 你介意了？
我？不！我怎么会介意？
哦 那事情都挺好的了
是啊是啊
只是 呃…
能在这里看到你我超级惊讶 你知道
呵 我又没死嘛 我只是去了趟美国
是啊 当然了
是的 不过呃 你瞧 我…
我一直都在想你 没错 我一直都在想你
- 我能帮上什么忙吗？ - 啊 不用
我在跟我一朋友聊天
是啊 我过去…
过去我一直都在想你 然后突然间你就出现了
不是过去 我现在就站在你面前 是现在时
- 现在 而且紧张（GnuDoyng注：“present tense”的一语双关） - 恕我冒昧……
委员会正在等着招待路易斯先生
没关系 我一会儿见你
呃 一定得告诉我你住哪里
当然
好 再见
我真希望我没做错事情
我们就在这里
嗯 她永远定居在这里了 是不是？
在可预见的未来
- 和她儿子？ - 没错
那你会经常去见她？
不会经常 我想 下次去伦敦时会顺道去看望一下的
你能再次来看望我真是太好了 杰克
- 我知道你有多忙 - 不 一点也不
我正期待着在伦敦散散步
你也得来牛津去我们那儿坐坐
- 来点雪利酒？ - 哦 好啊
是啊 可能等道格拉斯学期一结束就去
- 你的 - 谢谢
我想再见见瓦尼
哦 你可以把道格拉斯的拼图玩具挪开
- 好的 - 记得转达我对瓦尼的问候
告诉他我答应过我不会再惹麻烦的
你怎么会惹麻烦啊？
啊 杰克 我不必解释
解释什么？
- 你怎么这样看我啊？ - 怎么看你了？
好像我对你撒谎似的 我怎么会对你撒谎 我是认真的
不是 我知道 只是一言难尽啊
嗯 一言难尽 得花很长时间
- 读完那一章了吗？ - 差不多了
- 还没有 - 好吧 再读一会儿
- 读到你头发干了以后 - OK 晚安 杰克
- 晚安 道格拉斯 - 等等 我要亲你一下
- 晚安 - 晚安妈妈
做个好梦
我得瞧瞧晚餐怎样了
你想要我说什么呀？
嗯 杰克 我想和你保持朋友的关系…
所以我想知道这对你来说是不是很困难
哦 我明白
我们最好能明了我们现在的关系
人与人的关系真是难以言喻 是不是？
人们总是匆匆地下结论
有时候我真的很生气 为什么人们…
不可以只做朋友 你知道
你的意思是 像我们这样
像我们这样 我的意思并不是说 友谊是件很小的东西
事实上 我把它看做生命最珍贵的礼物之一
但是？
但是它不该变成掺了水变了质
友谊不该如此
- 比如说？ - 比如说…
呃 举个例子吧 浪漫的爱情
那并不是说友谊算不上…
一种爱
- 明白吗？我知道你能理解的 - 啊 我理解的比这个要多呢
- 你能打开这个吗？ - 好啊
你是个单身汉 而我是个离异的女人
有人会觉得你对我有什么浪漫的意图
而你没有那样的意图 而且你想公开这一点…
因为你在乎我 你也不愿我受到伤害
我有没有正确理解你的意思呀？
- 呵呵 我都不知道该说些什么了 - 你什么也不用说的
该说的我都说了 不困难吧 嗯？
我不习惯用这东西… 不管它是什么
管它叫什么呢
是啊
现在你不用再害怕我了吧？
天哪 我啥时候怕过你了
你为什么看起来…… 我从来没有害怕过你
杰克…
真感谢你为我做的所有事情
我相信还有其他更实质的方面我能帮上忙…
而你还没有告诉我
我不想耗尽你的好意
别担心这个
确实有样东西你能帮上我大忙
我觉得…… 噢 杰克
对我来说太困难了
如果对你来说也太困难 你就直接拒绝我 好不好？
直接拒绝 我的意思是 不要内疚 不要找借口 也不要逃避
好的 我想我能做得到
有些事我得告诉你 瓦尼
- 嗯哼？ - 呃
嗯…
我同意和乔伊结婚了
- 你么？ - 嗯哼
看起来做了件正确的事
是么？
是的 没什么好忧虑的
嗯 我所做的就是我把我的 英国公民身份扩大到她身上…
这样她就能一直住在英国了
- 通过结婚？ - 是啊 只是理论上
你要在理论上娶乔伊为妻？
嗯 呃 真正的婚姻…
是在上帝面前的宣誓 而不是在某个政府官员面前
乔伊还是保留她自己的名字 而我们依然过着以往的生活
在你们建立夫妻关系之前…
我得提醒你们在婚礼上所发的誓…
是具有庄严和约束性质的
现在 路易斯先生 你跟着我说
“我请在场各人…
见证 我 克莱夫·Staples·路易斯…
愿意娶你 海伦·乔伊·格雷生
为我合法妻子 "
乔伊·格雷生 请你跟着我说
“我请在场各人…
见证 我 海伦·乔伊·格雷生…
愿意嫁你 克莱夫·Staples·路易斯…
为我合法丈夫 "
有戒指么？
- 没有 - 没有
- 嗯 就这样吧 - 我可以给你们俩买点饮料吗？
不好意思 乔伊 我得赶12:22的火车
- 哦 那你去吧 杰克 - 再会 瓦尼
- 再会 杰克 - 再会 乔伊
我会很感激那杯饮料的 乔伊
你真是太好了 瓦尼
我想我刚在这路上看见一间酒馆 想不想去尝尝？
好哦
- 走 - 走吧
老天啊
呃 那可真是一场不同寻常的经历
是啊 你得原谅杰克
哦 我到现在才刚刚开始认识他一点点
我想我更了解他
不管怎么说 我很感激他
他跟我说过 没人能知道的
呃 事实上 他说过发生过了的事 仿佛是从来没有发生过
你犯了个大错 杰克 你会抱憾终生的
后悔什么呢 克里斯？
一整个夏天呆在这块荒凉的地方
- 校庆日之后我要休假去 - 去哪儿 克里斯？
- 托斯卡纳 不然还能去哪儿？ - 确实也不能去哪儿的了
- 来点儿奶酪 - 我们要去卢瓦尔河…
野营
野营？
- 我想我今年还会带上个客人 - 哦 你一定要这么做
当劳拉还在世的时候 我们曾经带着孙子们去野营
- 你要带上个客人吗 杰克？ - 是啊
- 校庆日 - 听我的建议…
睡在帐篷外面 点支雪茄抽抽
- 为什么啊？ - 有蚊子
你见过她 乔伊·格雷生
- 是啊 当然了 - 不会是那美国人吧
- 是啊 那美国人 - 她回牛津了？
谢谢 没有没有
不 她在伦敦
她想见识一下学术的盛会
我觉得我穿得太随便了 很显眼
这只是一种制服啦 真的
杰克的派对长袍
杰克 过来
- 过来啊 - 什么事？
- 有东西？ - 是啊 被我弄掉了 没事了
- 如果你待会儿想散步的话…… - 这两个位置没人坐吧？
- 是的 请坐 - 我来帮你
- 她住在伦敦了？ - 没错
- 跟她丈夫？ - 不不不 他们离婚了
为什么我早就觉得你会这么说？
- 你好 瓦尼 - 你好
- 你没事吧？ - 我就是有点累
- 我们坐一会儿怎么样？ - 好啊
你还没去过我房间呢 我带你过去
累么？
- 要不要喝咖啡？ - 好
- 雀巢？ - 嗯
哦啊 好些了 舒服多了
你可以换上那双鞋
我不谈这个
我也不会坐很久
据我所知 我甚至都不可以来这里的
女客人允许的时间是 上午10点到晚上8点间
我们是合法的
杰克 你有时候能不能 对笑话有点反应啊？
- 什么笑话？ - 唉 你有些朋友…
以为我们没结婚 想象我们之间发生着各种不道德的事情…
而实际上我们已经结婚了 而且什么事也没有发生 呵
哪些朋友？
你有时候可真像个木头人
那你在这里都做些什么？
酝酿伟大的思想？
教书啊 大部分时间
他们在干嘛 坐在你脚下 满怀敬畏地凝望着你？
不 肯定不是
我打赌肯定是
我们在这里打过美好的仗 我可以这么告诉你
你赢了？
你肯定颇受鼓舞 你比他们所有人…
都更年长也更有智慧
更别提你的读者了
什么？
你的读者~ 呵 瞧你那群狐朋狗友…
一个比一个老学究
- 你在说些啥呢？ - 嗯 瓦尼也在里面
无人匹敌
瞎说些什么呢
那克里斯托弗·莱利呢？ 他可从来没在任何事情上饶过我
- 你知道的 - 除了怀疑…
害怕 痛苦 恐惧
- 你从哪推断来这些东西的？ - 我只是刚刚看见的
你怎么可以给自己安排这种生活啊 谁都无法触及你了解你
那些在你身边的人要么就比你年轻…
要么就比你弱小 要么就归你掌控
你干嘛含沙射影攻击我啊？ 我以为……我以为我们是朋友呢
我都不知道我们还是朋友
总之我不是你所定义的那种朋友
- 抱歉 杰克 - 我不明白
哦 我觉得你能明白的
你只是不喜欢罢了
我也不喜欢
惠斯勒
离开？去哪里？
- 伦敦 - 为什么？
因为钱？
不是
再读一年你就拿到学位了
是啊 然后呢？ 像你一样教书？
我也不知道别人要从我这里得到什么
我第一次听到从你嘴里问出…
一个你也不知道答案的问题
这很好吗？这就是你想要的吗？
无知？困惑？
我觉得我没法像你那样 清楚地看见自己的未来
影子
什么？
是我的一个故事
我们都活在影子大地上
阳光总是照耀在别的地方…
照在公路的拐弯角…
照在山丘的脊梁上
你好 请帮我转接伦敦
昨天 我的一位朋友 一位勇敢的…
善良的女性…
病倒在巨大的痛苦中
前一分钟她还依然健步如飞…
后一分钟她就陷入了病痛的折磨中
她现在正躺在医院 今天早上我被告知…
她罹患癌症
为什么？
如果你爱着一些人 你就不会想要他们去忍受苦难
你无法接受这一切
你想要替他们承担那些苦难
既然连我都这样想…
那么上帝为什么不？
- 她怎样了？ - 不好
真遗憾啊 杰克
我就是想让她重新好起来 你知道
当然你是这么想的
我们都这么想
我们生活在一个多么危险的世界
你一晚上没睡了 去睡一会儿吧？
不必了 睡不着
这一切来得太突然了 你看 我都没有时间 就这样
做什么的时间？
我不知道 聊天 谈论一些事情
那花不了多少时间
嗯 我想也是
不管是什么 该说的就说出来
是的 你说的很对 瓦尼
但难于启齿 你知道
是啊 我明白
- 路易斯先生 - 克雷格医生 这位是我哥哥瓦尼
幸会
- 你的妻子 - 她怎样了？有没什么变化？
我们尽最大所能地缓解了她的痛苦
此外就没有别的什么进展了
她自己了解她的病情吗？
我们告知她 癌细胞已经吞噬了她的左大腿骨
- 哦 不 - 她了解病情的严重性
大腿骨就像一根冻结的树枝一样折断了
- 我明白 - 有什么救治措施吗？
她没救啦 瓦尼
您这话说的太不加掩饰了 我不会这么说的 路易斯先生
嗯 不过我说的没错 是不是？
癌症已经到了晚期
如果痛就别说话
- 道格拉斯在哪儿？ - 这会儿跟我们在一起
等你身体恢复一些以后 我会带他来看你的
谢谢
有水吗？
嗯哼
你之前有来这儿看过我么？
两三次吧
我想也是
来喝吧
对不起 杰克 我真不想给你带来这么多的麻烦
别胡说八道
你是给你自己带来了麻烦
我的意思是 你不必来照顾我
嗯 那你指望谁来照顾你？
你晓得我意思
但除了我还有谁应该来照顾你？ 你是我的妻子
是啊 理论上
那我也应该在理论上照顾你
杰克 我必须了解病情有多严重 他们不肯告诉我
那是因为他们自己也无法确定
- 求你了 - 我了解的并不比他们多多少
在道格拉斯来这儿之前 我必须获悉
他们说 你来日无多
哦 谢谢你
你说说看…杰克…
我是个犹太人 我离过婚 我身无分文 又病入膏肓
你说他们能不能给我打个折？
你知道吗？
嗯哼
你看起来不一样了 你现在看我的眼神正常多了
以前难道不正常？
以前不正常
我不想失去你 乔伊
我也不想被失去
怎么了？
护士？
护士？护士！
非得要受这苦吗？
- 我去叫医生来 - 好
好咯 我们明天再做一个
现在怎样？关灯吧？
- 不要 我在床上看书 - 你有书？
- 这儿 - 你可以读多少？
- 一章 - 那就读一章吧
- 我想醒着等杰克回来 - 嗯 不会太久的了
- 他会说“晚安”的 对吧？ - 当然了 晚安
晚安
没变化
我答应道格拉斯你会对他说“晚安”
她住在伦敦的医院 很明显他每天都去伦敦看她
- 这对他的打击够大的 - 他的生活完全被打乱了
- 真惨 - 他有对你说过什么吗？
- 关于她？ - 嗯
没有
- 杰克 我对所发生的一切深表遗憾 - 是的 谢谢你
这一切发生得太突然了 是吧？
她的私事都还没有处理好…
又会有怎样的事情发生在道格拉斯身上 比如？
我想 他的父亲？
她不愿这样的事发生
因为他会喝酒 你知道 他是个酒鬼
那其他的亲戚呢？
我的意思是 这似乎并不像是…
似乎不像什么 哈利？
呃 她是你朋友 当然 不过 呃…
她不是你的家人
她不是我的妻子
当然不算是
这不可能 这不可思议
乔伊怎么可能成为我的妻子呢？
我本来可以很爱她的 不是吗？
我本来可以好好地照顾她…
体贴地超过这个世界上任何一个人
我本来应该去忍受这巨大的悲痛…
我将要失去她了……
真抱歉 杰克 我不知道事情会这样
我也不知道 哈利
就长在这里 你瞧？ 我长新牙了
真棒 下面的那颗呢？
记住了吗？
嗯 记住了
最好带他回家 我会呆久一点 到8点40
对
我可以进来吗？
有没有吃过烤茶点呀 道格拉斯？
秘密都在黄油里 你一定要吃多多的 多到从你的手指上流下来
我们要不要去弄点来吃？
把那颗牙放在你枕头下面
- 一会儿见 - 拜
来吧 秘密都在黄油里 你一定要吃多多的 待会儿见
好
- 你要留下来么？ - 是的 就一会儿
我想娶你 乔伊
我想在神和人面前娶你为妻
- 是想让我变成一个诚实的女人吗？ - 不 不是你不诚实
不诚实的人一直都是我
看看是什么使我茅塞顿开
你是不是觉得我太主动了？
请不要离开我 乔伊
你知道吗 在我的家乡…
人们有一个奇怪的老传统
嗯 当一个男人决定娶一个 女孩的时候 他会征求她意见
这就叫做求婚
这里也一样啊
那我是不是错过了？
你愿意嫁给这个愚蠢的、 担惊受怕的老头子吗？
他对你的渴慕无法用言语表达…
他深深地爱着你 即使他几乎不知道如何去爱
那就答应你这一次吧……
我们好像都没有什么时间聊聊天
我很好
嗯
- 你妈妈和我… - 我们干嘛要来这个烂国家？
我们以前在美国多好 我跟妈妈说过 但她不听
我爸知道她病了吗？ 有没有人告诉他？
他知道 有人告诉他了
沉下去了
我不在乎
我知道你妈妈有跟你谈过关于 呃…
嗯
你觉得这对你好不好？
好啊
这让我我很高兴 我想她也会高兴的
“我 乔伊 愿意嫁给你 杰克…”
“而今而后
不论境遇好坏
家境贫富
生病与否
誓言相亲相爱
至死不分离 ”
戒指
“以此婚戒 与汝相结；
以吾此身 敬汝重汝；
以吾珍宝 尽献于汝 ”
那些由上帝结合在一起的人
谁也不要将他们分开
阿们
- 什么事？ - 我是惠斯勒
我当然认出你了 别来无恙？
- 谢谢 - 谢谢
世事难料啊 是不是？
- 我可没觉得 - 也许你是对的吧 呃……
- “向我挑战吧 我可以招架 ” - 什么？
- “向我挑战吧 我可以招架 ”你… - 我有这么说过？
有啊
最近都在忙些什么？
教书呢 你大可朝我干笑两声
不 我一直觉得你天生就是教书的料
结果我确实还是蛮胜任的
不赖
- 你父亲也是老师 对吧？ - 没错
- 哦 - 几个月前他去世了
真遗憾
我非常爱他
他知道吗？
我想是的
- 我想他知道的 - 嗯
该说的一定要说
树欲静而风不止 子欲养而亲不待
没错
“我们通过阅读知道我们并不孤独 ”
这是他说的话 对吧？你父亲说的？
你瞧 我铭记在心
好吧
- 杰克 有什么消息么？ - 好消息 我觉得是 没错 好消息
- 我很高兴 - 谢谢 克里斯托弗 谢谢你
克里斯托弗大可觉得好笑 但我知道你是多么恳切地为此祷告
现在 上帝回应了你的祈祷
这不是我祈祷的原因 我祈祷是因为我无法自助
我祈祷因为我很无助 我祈祷因……
我祈祷因为我的需求从我内心源源涌出 无论在清醒时 抑或于睡梦中
这并不会改变上帝 但却改变了我
- 医生 她怎么样？ - 嗯 我……我认为你最好亲自看看
- 我一会儿找你去 护士 - 好的先生
瞧
哇 还能做更多么？
可以 你走近些
就这样吧 哈哈哈……
- 我做得不错吗？ - 很不错
太棒了 过来坐下 呼
棒极了
- 嗯 她还需要留在这儿吗？ - 我觉得没必要了…
只要她的病症有在好转
能回去多久？
说呀 不必讳莫如深
可能几个月 也可能几个礼拜
为什么不会是几年？
她已经是晚期了 不太可能
- 嗯 能多久就多久吧 - 是啊
你想怎么回家？
- 杰克 家在哪里？ - 啥意思啊 “家在哪里？”
牛津 我的家 我们的家 我们结婚了 你没忘吧？
- 我们带她回家吧 - 好
现在不必担心我 杰克
- 我会搞定我自己的 - 搞定你自己？什么意思？
- 搬出去住 没问题 - 你想这样做？
- 如你所愿 - 我不想你搬走
- 那听你的吧 - 就这么谈妥了
好了
晚安
好了 杰克
到了 慢慢来
好了
感觉可以么？
- 不算远的 - 我们能不能坐一下？
- 我得经常停下来休息 - 可以
好 我们上来
- 哦 行了 - 好
谢谢你 我亲爱的
谢什么？
谢谢所有这一切
- 我觉得我还是躺下来好 - 喂 慢慢地
- 好了 - 好
呵 当我望着这间房间的时候…
我都会对它的简陋感到惊讶
- 你住这房间多久了？ - 二十五年
或者更久 我想
- 以前有没有人和你一起住过？ - 没有
觉得奇怪？
呃 我都不确定步骤了
嗯 你上床前一般都做些什么啊 杰克？
- 和你想的差不多的 - 跟我说说
- 嗯 你走进那扇门？ - 嗯哼
然后拉上窗帘
然后拿出睡衣
- 从哪里？ - 枕头下面
然后呢？
然后把我衣服挂在椅子背上
然后刷牙…
洗脸…
跪在床前
哦 我先把被单掀开 接着才跪在床前…
祈祷 再钻进被窝
- 像个小男孩 - 会么？
接下来呢？
然后就睡觉呗
仰卧还是侧卧？
侧卧
给我看看？
- 你就像从前那样一步步做下来吧 杰克 - 嗯
当你做到最后一步的时候 我也在这里守着你
这就是步骤
几点了？我们看看
六点了 随时都要开始了
哦 是不是有人要敲钟了？
是啊 我想会有一大堆人 在敲一大堆钟
不过他们会先唱歌
- 怎么样？ - 好
你看！
- 跳！跳！跳！…… - 疯了 他们真是疯了 所有人
这就叫做兴高采烈
你很高兴我带你来吧？
异教徒的传统 没文化 傻得透顶 可大家总是喜欢
太阳总是要升起
你要把它按下去 你想让它变成 什么样？像那样子对不对？
- 没错 - 那就形容一下
- 呃 有好多好多阳光 - 你好
- 好 把它打出来 - 你好 道格拉斯
杰克 你说金山谷是在什么地方来着？
赫里福郡的某处 我想
- 道格拉斯 你的茶好了 - 好吧好吧
记住我们刚才说的 那很重要 我们迟点再做
- 你好 - 你好
- 你说它在哪儿来着？ - 赫里福郡 我想
你觉得它现在还是这个样子吗？
哦 我很怀疑已经变了
你以前以为那是天堂 对吧？
那是我才小男孩呢
我们去那儿瞧瞧
我们都没度蜜月呢
- 你可以去旅行了？ - 不远嘛 是不是？
我不晓得 那我们住哪儿呢？
我也不知道 乡村小旅馆？
- 快乐不？ - 快乐
- 什么样的快乐？ - 就是快乐
- 你知道我的快乐是什么样的快乐吗？ - 哈哈 够傻的
我差点忘了 当你问问题的时候 其实你肚子里早有答案了
所以你就直说吧 告诉我
- 说嘛 - 不要 现在就不跟你讲
那我该怎么做 去听你讲座？
是啊 买我的书
啊 有间旅馆 而且还是在乡村
谢谢
对哦
嗯 怎么样？
哦 美极了 杰克
这场旅行仿佛让你焕发青春了
是啊 不过我想喝点什么 这里有客房服务吧？
客房服务？
我觉得客房服务就是在床上的祷告
呵 如果你高兴你可以去点几份祷告 我可要点一份金汤利 （注：金汤利 Gin and tonic 金酒和汤利水做成的鸡尾酒 ）
现在吗？
对啊 干嘛不？
噢 好吧
- 亲爱的？ - 嗯？
你可以用电话的
哪儿呢？ 噢对哦 电话
客房服务
你好？
呃 我是路易斯先生 我在……
抱歉哦 我忘记房间……房号了……
我已经在房间里了 你瞧 哦你知道哦 那太好了
没错 来份金汤利
金汤利 呃是 两份金汤利（Two gin and tonics）
两份金汤利（Two gins and tonic） 我应该说 （注：路易斯先生刚才把金汤利的复数说错了 ）
是啊不好意思 谢谢 拜
你不爱喝金酒
我刚才好像紧张了
过来
金山谷中间流淌着多尔河（River Dwr）
在这儿 我在地图上指给你看
从这里一直到这里
- 为什么叫“金”呢？ - 是个讹误
威尔士语的水是“dwr” 听起来就像“doré” 法语里“金色”的意思
其实一丁点也不金啊 是湿的
在哪里可以看到山谷的风景？
应该沿着这儿走…
走到交界口 然后左拐 走这条小道
你就能走到山上
你知道吗 我都不知道为什么我们要这么做
你知道的
这里恐怕不再是原来那样了 全部都变了 或者都被破坏了
谢谢
等等 到啦！ 哦不对 搞错咯 山谷是东西走向的？
不知道呢
你知不知道我们马上要到那儿了？
到哪儿？
那儿
哦 那儿啊 是啊
稚菊 稚菊 回答我…… （注：民谣《Daisy Bell》）
就是这儿了
我们差不多到了
你知道么 我再也不想去别的什么地方了
我也不再等待什么新的事情发生…
也不再翘首企盼下一个路口 或是山峰的另一头
我到这里了 我知足了
- 这就是你所说的快乐 对吧？ - 是的 没错 这就是
它不会持续多久的 杰克
我们现在不应该去想这些 我们别破坏了这美好的时光
这不叫破坏
这使它真实
在雨停下来我们回去之前 我还是把话说出来吧
要说什么呢？
说我会死…
说我到那时候也要和你在一起
只有现在我把这话说对你出来 我才能做到
我总能应付得了的 不要担心我
我觉得这应该是更美好的
我觉得这应该比纯粹地应付更好
我…我想说的是…
彼时的痛苦将是快乐的一部分了
一言为定吧
嗯 不错
呼！别骑到河里去了
对 你能做到的
很不错 就这样子
道格拉斯 进来暖会儿身子
对不起 杰克
她在这里会好些 不必爬楼梯
你们救不了她吗？
恐怕无能为力了
道格拉斯 你去拿一下另外一个枕头好不？
- 谢谢你 医生 - 我明天会来看你 晚安
- 晚安 小伙子 - 谢谢你来看她
乱得一团糟啊 是不是？ 过来
来啊
拥抱一下
帮帮他 你会记住 我知道你会的 这一切对他的打击太沉重了
记住我们说过的 因为这很重要 好不好？
晚安
晚安妈妈
直接去睡觉
天哪
我在这 乔伊 好了
上帝啊 真不忍心看着你受这种折磨
没事
这痛苦使我平静
当你离那一刻越来越近 你就会知道 自己是不是真的信仰上帝 对吧？
你不是常说真正的生命还没有开始嘛？
杰克 真希望你说的没错
在吗？
在
去睡觉吧
睡一会儿
很快就去
我好累 杰克
我好想休息
我就是不想离开你
我不想让你走
太痛苦了
我了解
我不知道该做什么 乔伊
你得告诉我我该做些什么
你该让我走
我不确定我是否做得到
你会照顾道格拉斯吗？
- 我听不见你 - 你会照顾道格拉斯吗？
当然会了
他假装他毫不介意
- 我知道 - 就像你一样
我不会再伪装了 再也不会了
我是如此地深爱过你
别说话了 亲爱的 休息吧
亲爱的 休息吧
嘘
休息吧
我爱你 乔伊 我深深地爱着你
你使我如此之快乐 我都不知道我还能如此快乐
你是我认识的最真实的人
亲爱的耶稣…
求你与我的爱妻乔伊同在
如果我爱她爱得过深 求你宽恕我
求你怜悯我们二人
我们在此将你的仆人乔伊的身体…
交托给自然：
土归土…
灰归灰…
尘归尘
走这边 道格拉斯
我要为你的信仰感谢上帝 只有信仰才能使所发生的这一切有意义
我明白的
我这是怎么了 瓦尼？
我再也看不到她了
我甚至忆不起她的容貌
我知道这对你打击很大
我好害怕…
我就这么再也看不见她了
好害怕我们经历的这么多苦难 到头来也仅仅就是苦难而已
没有原因 没有目的…
- 没有模式 - 我…
我不知道该对你说什么 杰克
什么也别说
我们没什么可说的 我现在体会到了
我不过就是经验了一些事情罢了 瓦尼
经验是一位残忍的老师
不过你还是学到东西了
上帝啊 你还是学到东西了
我的确认为我们中的一两个人应该走掉
完全没必要 我们几乎不认识那个女人
我有两三个礼拜没见到他了
我真不想对杰克说这些, 但迟说不如早说
- 他是不是很痛苦？ - 恐怕是这样子
鲁珀特 能不能过来跟我们说点事情？
- 当然可以 - 晚上好 杰克.
晚上好
我本来不想来的 不过后来觉得还是要来
生活必须继续
我不知道生活必须继续 不过它确实是在继续
- 很抱歉 杰克 - 谢谢你 克里斯托弗
- 我们都深表遗憾 - 谢谢
我能帮上什么忙吗？
有的 反正请你不要跟我说 一切都会好起来 就这个
只有上帝知道为什么 这些事情必须发生 杰克
- 上帝是知道 但是祂在乎吗？ - 当然了
我们无法参透 我们不是造物主
我们是受造物 对吧？
我们是宇宙实验室里的小白鼠
我并不怀疑这些实验是 为了我们自己的好 不过…
上帝依然是个活体解剖者 对吧？
没用的！
一切都乱成一锅粥 仅此而已
抱歉 抱歉
今晚失陪 就这样
- 什么事？ - 你的悲伤是你自己的事情
也许你觉得乱成一锅粥 不过还有道格拉斯呢
- 道格拉斯怎么办？ - 跟他谈谈
- 我不知道该跟他说什么 - 就跟他谈谈！
我母亲去世时…
我跟你一样大
我以为我只要祈祷她病好…
我以为只要我真正相信 她的病会好…
她就不会死
但她还是死了
根本没用的
我无所谓
我深深地爱过你的母亲
可能我爱她爱得过深了 她知道的
她对我说 “这样值得吗？”
因为她知道 这一切以后会变成什么样
看起来很不公平 是不？
我不明白为什么她要生病
我也不明白
但是 呃…
你不能紧紧挽留着东西 道格拉斯
你必须放它们走
你相信有天堂吗？
是的 我相信
我不相信有天堂
没事
我真的很想再见到她
我也是
喔上帝
你好 请问你是？
我叫查德维克 先生 您是我这个学期的导师
是我？查德维克？ 好吧 来吧
- 查德维克是你的名字？ - 是的先生
坐吧
“我们通过阅读…
知道我们并不孤独 ”
你认为是这样吗？
呃 我以前没考虑过这类问题 先生
我以前也没有
我想 有的人会愿意说 我们通过相爱知道我们并不孤独
你这么认为吗？
呃 如果您的意思是坠入爱河 我还没有经历过 真的
我的意思是 我对爱情的了解 大多都源于书籍…
远超过来自个人经验
继续 我在听呢
我想我们没有人会想要孤独
为什么爱情一旦失去 我们就会如此痛苦？
我再也没有答案了 只有我所经历的生命
此生曾有两次…
我被迫面临选择
一次是当我还是个孩子的时候…
另一次我已长大成人
孩子选择了安全 而男人选择受苦
此时的痛苦将是彼时快乐的一部分
一言为定吧…
来啊！
中文字幕翻译及注释：GnuDoyng
1961年 C.S. 路易斯先生将他悼念亡妻的手记 编成了一本书 题为《A Grief Observed》（卿卿如晤）
他在书中细腻地写下了他对生与死、 信仰的挣扎与重建等人生母题的深刻思考
谢谢欣赏
Amen.
How'd it go, tom?
Thrashed them. Led all the way.
Thank you, Perkins.
The new ones are trouble this evening, Christopher.
Any news of Julian? I suppose he's all right, is he?
Julian, yes, he's fine.
I think he went down to London.
I ordered the '45.
Jack. Jack, i don't seem to...
Jack, what a surprise.
What do you mean surprise?
Not out plying your trade?
Doesn't suit you, Desmond.
What trade is that, Christopher?
I see you as a species of medieval peddler selling relics of the saints
of dubious authenticity.
Fair play, Christopher. Jack's no Roman. I can vouch for that.
I speak metaphorically, Harry. Jack's trade is the manufacture
and supply of easy answers to difficult questions.
What's he say?
He says Jack has...
-Rupert, i wonder if I could... -Warnie...
I've been meaning to ask you about your brother's books.
Does he actually know any children?
Children? Jack? I don't think so.
How on earth does he pull it off?
Barker, this isn't the chambertin '45.
To the best of my belief, it is, sir.
-Just one moment, sir. -No, Nick.
No, you do not agree with Marcus. You disagree with Marcus.
But Marcus says he agrees with me...
Marcus has no real grasp of his own thought processes.
Also, he tells the most terrible lies.
I'm intrigued, Jack. Apparently,
you don't know any actual children.
That's balderdash.
I'm sure Rupert can spare one or two of his brood.
Jack, you forgot my wine.
It's there.
Thank you, barker.
I don't see why...
Who says I don't know any children?
-Who? -Warnie.
My brother was a child once, Rupert.
And, as unlikely as it may seem, so was I.
It's Thursday tomorrow, Jack.
The week's almost gone and I haven't done half my letters.
You don't have to write back...
Don't have to write back, I know.
It only encourages them.
Yes, yes, yes.
"Mr. c.S. Lewis thanks you for your letter,
"but has nothing whatsoever to say in reply."
It's going to be quite a frost tonight, warnie.
Too many stars. Confuses me.
Nightcap?
I don't think so.
Now, now...
London tomorrow.
Who are you lecturing, disabled veterans?
Church widows?
Association of Christian teachers.
'Night, Jack.
'Night, warnie.
A garden, enclosed by a high wall. Inside the garden, a fountain.
In the fountain, two crystal stones.
In the crystals, in reflection, a rose garden.
In the midst of the roses, one perfect rosebud.
Guillaume de lorris is using the rosebud, of course, as an image.
But an image of what?
Love?
What kind of love?
Untouched? Unopened like a bud?
Yes, more.
Perfect love?
What makes it perfect? Come on. Wake up.
Is it the courtly ideal of love?
What is that? What is its one essential quality?
Unattainability.
The most intense joy lies not in the having but in the desiring.
The delight that never fades...
The bliss that is eternal is only yours when what you most desire
is just out of reach.
What was that, Mr. whistler?
Nothing, Mr. Lewis.
If you disagree with me, say so.
Fight me. I can take it.
Even I can't fight on both sides at once, you know.
At least I can, but I'm liable to win.
Why is the beer in this pub always cold?
Now, Mr. egan.
Cold beer.
Chills the stomach. Has no taste.
I have a complaint about the wardrobe.
Complaint? Our children love it.
I will not have another blasted conversation
- about Jack's blasted nursery.
No. No, listen, listen.
In the book, you describe the house
as belonging to an old professor
who has no wife, and yet...
You say that when the little girl enters the magic wardrobe
she finds it full of fur coats.
Very good, Eddie.
Not bad.
It's simple. They belong to the professor's old mother.
Simple.
So to reach the magic world
the child must push through the "mother's fur"?
No. I won't have that, John. That's none of
your hand-me-down freudianism...
But the imagery is Christian, surely?
No, Harry, it's what it is. It's just itself.
It's... it's just magic.
Magic. Look.
Let me show you. The child steps into the wardrobe.
The coats are thick and heavy.
What about the fur?
Fur's not important, John.
The child must push through.
They're pressing close, almost suffocating
and suddenly, there's white light. Crisp, cold air.
Trees. Snow.
Total contrast, you see.
It's the gateway to a magical world.
What time is it?
Good lord, my train.
Anyway. Well...
See you all tomorrow. Bye.
Bye.
Cheerio, Jack. See you then.
Goodbye, Mr. Lewis.
Yesterday, i received a letter
that referred to an event that took place
almost a year ago now. December 4, 1951.
My correspondent hadn't forgotten. I doubt if any of us have.
That was the night
a number one bus drove into a column
of young royal marine cadets
in chatham and killed 24 of them.
You remember?
And the letter asks some simple but fundamental questions.
Where was god on that December night?
Why didn't he stop it?
Isn't god supposed to be good?
Isn't he supposed to love us?
And does god want us to suffer?
What if the answer to that question is yes?
'Cause I'm not sure that god particularly wants us to be happy.
I think he wants us to be able to love and be loved.
He wants us to grow up.
I suggest to you that it is because god loves us
that he makes us the gift of suffering.
To put it another way,
pain is god's megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
You see, we are like blocks of stone
out of which the sculptor carves
the forms of men.
The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much
are what make us perfect.
Thank you very much.
A woman has had a dream about me.
She writes to ask if I've had a dream about her.
I had a strange dream last night.
Another letter from Mrs. gresham?
I can't remember any of it.
The Jewish, communist, Christian American?
You may ask me how i know it was strange if I've forgotten it.
Can't answer that one.
I like her letters. She can be quite sharp sometimes.
Listen to this, warnie.
She says, "i can't decide whether you'd rather be the child
"caught in the spell or the magician casting it."
Her letters are rather unusual.
She writes as if she knows me somehow.
Still, I suppose there is something of me in my books, isn't there?
I expect it's just the American style.
Americans don't understand about inhibitions.
She's coming to england.
No, she's coming to Oxford. She wants to meet us.
Well, she can't come here.
No, of course not,
but she does suggest tea in a hotel.
Tea is safe. A hotel is safe.
Though she might be mad.
No, I don't think so. She does write poems.
Poems?
She'll be barking.
You won't be too agreeable, will you, Jack?
Don't worry, warnie. I won't.
She'll turn out to be writing a dissertation on wardrobes.
She'll ask whether she can come and watch you while you create.
She'll say, "I'll sit in a corner. You'll never know I'm there."
It's only tea, warnie.
An hour or so of polite conversation, then we go home,
and everything goes on just the way it always has.
Shall we have some sandwiches?
I wonder if they do toasted teacakes?
Excuse me, I'm here to meet Mr. c.S. Lewis, the writer.
Yes, madam.
Well, do you know what he looks like?
No, madam.
Well, he doesn't know what I look like, either.
Yes, madam.
Any ideas?
No, madam.
Anybody here called Lewis?
Mrs. gresham? How do you do?
A pleasure.
This is my brother, warnie.
Major Lewis.
Now, please, sit down.
So you managed to find us.
Yes, I used the guide,
and so, you see... It's just that you
don't look at all like c.S. Lewis.
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you,
not to mention the rest of Oxford.
Well, so you don't like that?
Well, I'm not what you might call a public figure, Mrs. gresham.
Oh, you're not?
I mean, you write all these books,
and you give all those talks,
and everything just so everybody will leave you alone?
Oh, dear.
We've only just met, and already you see right through me.
Tell me, do you drink tea?
Tea, sure.
It's england, right?
So it is.
Waiter.
Actually, look, I'm a little in awe of you, and so I'm a little tense.
And when I get like that, i get kind of... I don't know.
It's very childish. I'm sure I'll get over it soon.
Not too soon, I hope, please,
'cause I like a good fight myself.
You do?
Yes.
You sound surprised.
No. No, that's great. You like a good fight. Great.
But?
When's the last time you lost?
Well, I've been at Magdalen since 1925.
It's just beautiful here. How old is it?
The college was founded very nearly 500 years ago.
Not all the buildings are that old, of course.
My room is there. That's the new building.
New, huh?
1733.
What does your husband do, Mrs. gresham?
Oh, bill? Bill's a writer.
And you, too, Jack tells me.
You call him Jack?
I never liked the name clive.
Well, if you're a Jack...
What?
No, you look fine for a Jack.
Thank you.
Well, Jewish, but not Jewish-Jewish, if you can follow that.
I mean, I'm a Christian, but I was
brought up to be a good atheist.
An atheist?
Don't sound so shocked.
I'm not. I was an atheist once.
You? So we're both lapsed atheists?
Yes, but I was never a communist.
Why not?
What do you mean, "why not," Mrs. gresham?
Well, I mean, back in '38, it seemed to me
there was only two choices. Either you were a fascist
and you conquered the world, or you were a communist and you saved it.
Is that so?
I must have been otherwise engaged at the time.
There's a world worth saving.
At dawn, on the first of may every year,
the choristers from the choir school
stand up here and sing to the rising sun.
They say they draw quite a crowd.
What do they sing?
I can't say I've ever risen early enough to hear them.
Oh, why not? I mean, it sounds wonderful.
Well, I don't really go in for seeing the sights.
Oh!
So what do you do? Just walk around with your eyes shut?
You know, Mrs. gresham, i almost don't know what to say to you.
Good lord!
How long do you plan to stay in england, Mrs. gresham?
Till the end of December.
Are you expecting to be in Oxford again?
Well, I hadn't planned on it.
What do you say, warnie?
Do you think we could rise to a pot of home-brewed tea?
Yes, I think we can manage that.
Given adequate warning, of course.
Do you think i could bring my son?
Douglas is such a big fan of your narnia books.
He'd love to meet you.
Yes, of course.
I'll give you plenty of warning.
It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Lewis. Thanks for everything.
Well, see you soon.
Yes. Major Lewis.
-Mrs. gresham. -Safe journey.
-Thank you. -Goodbye.
Does one wait for the train to leave?
Character and plot.
Chicken and egg.
Which comes first?
Aristotle's solution was simple and radical.
He said, "plot is character."
Forget psychology. Forget the inside of men's heads.
Judge them by their actions.
For example, Mr. whistler's asleep.
Now, from that action i take it that
he has no interest in what I have to say.
The puzzle is, that being the case, why is he here at all?
So we construct a plot from Mr. whistler's actions.
He comes. He sleeps.
Now, Aristotle would say that the next question is not "why?"
But, "what is Mr. whistler going to do next?"
Good morning, Mr. whistler.
You know, my class is not compulsory,
neither are my chairs very comfortable. I suggest that...
All right, I'm going.
Thank you.
He comes. He sleeps. He goes. So the plot thickens.
It's all right, warnie. She sails back to new York after Christmas.
One can always be so much more friendly to people who can't stay long.
I wonder what her husband thinks of
her gallivanting around england like this.
It's not the middle ages, warnie.
She'll make you listen to one of her poems. I'll bet you 10 Bob.
Then she'll say to you, "how do you like it, Mr. Lewis?"
And you'll be stumped.
Then I shall say, "Mrs. gresham,
"only you could have written that."
Blast.
That'll be ?.09, madam.
Keep the change.
Hello, you must be Douglas.
Are you him?
No, I'm his brother.
So you found us, Mrs. gresham?
Well, the driver did.
Come in.
There we go.
There we are.
That's him.
Do go in.
Here you are then.
-Hello. -All right. Good.
Hello, sorry, my hands are...
We really appreciate this, Mr. Lewis.
You've no idea how Douglas was looking forward to today.
So you're Douglas.
Will he write in my book?
Ask him.
I told him you would write in his narnia book. Do you mind?
No, of course not.
Yes.
"To Douglas," yes?
Douglas, yes.
Ask him about the attic.
Oh! He wants to know if you have an attic. You can ask him these things.
We do.
Here you are.
What does it say, honey?
"The magic never ends."
Well, if it does, sue him.
Thank you, Mrs. young. Thank you.
I'd sure like to see the attic.
Then you shall.
Come along, young man. Let's go find it.
Thank you, major Lewis.
Oh! Jack was particularly hoping that you'd introduce him to your poetry.
Now, we've got to find the key. Mrs. young...
Don't worry, i don't inflict my poems on innocent strangers.
Not strangers, I hope.
What about some of that long promised tea?
Yes, please.
You take milk, don't you?
Yes.
No, I'd be interested to know about your poems.
What do you want to know about them?
How long they are?
Their rhyme schemes? Their major influences?
Quite right, of course. You take sugar?
Sure.
No, you're quite right.
Well, would you be so kind as to introduce me
to the poems themselves?
Well, I'm not sure.
I won't be rude about them.
What will you do? Stay silent or tell lies?
No, I shall choose when I've heard one.
All right.
You know, I have won a national poetry award
shared with Robert frost.
I'm impressed.
Well, let's hope you stay that way.
Uh... let's get this out of the way.
I'll give you an early one. That way I'm covered.
I wrote this when I was 22, Spanish civil war.
It's called snow in Madrid.
"Softly, so casual
"lovely, so light, so light
"the cruel sky lets fall something one does not fight
"men while perishing..."
Sorry.
"Men before perishing see with unwounded eye, for once
"a gentle thing fall from the sky"
embarrassed, huh?
No, I'm touched.
-Touched? -Yes.
Touched? That's good. That's about its level.
So you may ask, when was I ever
in Madrid? The answer is, never.
Well, personal experience isn't everything.
I disagree. I think personal experience is everything.
So reading is a waste of time?
No, it's not a waste of time, but reading is safe, isn't it?
Books aren't about to hurt you.
Why should one want to be hurt?
That's when we learn.
Well, just because something hurts, it doesn't
make it more true or more significant.
No, I guess not.
I'm not saying that pain is purposeless or even neutral,
but to find meaning in pain, there has to be something else.
Pain is a tool.
If you like, pain is god's megaphone...
Megaphone to rouse a deaf world.
How embarrassing.
You know my writing too well, don't you?
I have read most of it.
I guess I knew you pretty well before we met.
But you'd not had the personal experience.
Mr. Lewis, I...
I have to stop calling you Mr. Lewis. It makes me feel like a kid.
Can I call you Jack?
Yes, of course.
Jack, I'm joy.
Well, hello, joy.
So, Jack...
Have you ever been really hurt?
You don't give up, do you?
Here we are. Mind how you go. Let's turn a light on.
Does anybody ever come up here?
Not anymore.
Yes, of course, come in.
Right, here we are. That's warnie's desk. This is mine.
It's not very orderly in here, I'm afraid.
Well, you keep order in your mind, right?
Yes.
Oh, that's nice.
Is it someplace real?
I think so.
It's called the golden valley, I believe.
Somewhere in herefordshire.
Somewhere special?
In a way.
It was on our nursery wall when I was a child.
I didn't know it was a real place then.
I thought it was a view of heaven.
The promised land.
Yes, I used to think that one day
I'd come round a bend in the road
or over the brow of a hill,
and there it would be.
I have been really hurt, you know?
First time is always the worst.
That was when my mother died.
How old were you?
Nine.
That's old enough to hurt.
Oh, yes.
It was the end of my world.
I remember my father in tears.
Voices all over the house.
Doors shutting and opening.
It was a big house, all long empty corridors.
I remember I had a toothache, and I
wanted my mother to come to me.
I cried for her to come, but she didn't come.
And after death...
Did you believe you'd meet her again?
No.
I don't think I had any faith in anything when I was a child.
She was gone. That was all.
And still you listen for the footsteps coming down the corridors,
but they don't come.
Yes.
You should see the garden before it gets dark.
Yes, I'd like that.
You'll need a coat.
I have one right here.
There's a lake, mum, a wood with a lake.
Oh, good.
It's really a flooded Clay-pit...
Come and see, mum.
- ...for the old brick works. - He's all yours now.
Be careful, Douglas. Douglas.
Sun's well over the yardarm.
- Does he miss home? - Oh, sure.
I mean, he'd like to be home for Christmas,
but, well, it just hasn't worked out that way.
What are you doing for Christmas?
Some lucky English hotel, I expect.
So your husband will have to look after himself. Is that it?
Yes, he's pretty good at that.
The lake is much older than the house, of course.
They say shelley used to sail paper boats here.
All made out of early drafts of his poems, no doubt.
I don't like to think of you christmassing in a hotel.
Why don't you come here? You're very welcome.
Oh, no.
You don't want a couple of Yankees rampaging all over your house.
Well, I'd speak to warnie, of course, but...
Why don't we go inside?
Speaking for myself, I'd welcome the company.
Somehow, Christmas makes more sense when there are children around.
I suppose we ought to get a tree.
What I really resent is the presumption of good will.
I feel no good will towards my fellow man, whatever. I feel ill will.
It'll be different this year, of course. More cheerful, I've no doubt.
What's that, warnie?
A festive season.
I'm afraid Christmas, as I remember it, is rather a lost cause.
Exactly, it's because we've lost the magic.
No more blasted magic.
Well, you tell people it's about taking care of the poor and needy,
and naturally, they don't even listen, do they?
The poor and needy do come into it, you know.
No room at the inn, remember? For mother and child?
Jack's invited them to stay with us.
Who?
Mother and child.
Mrs. gresham and her son. They're spending Christmas with us.
Well, Jack, you have succeeded in surprising me.
Who is Mrs. gresham?
Well, she's just a friend. An American.
A writer.
People do have guests for Christmas, don't they?
Next train arriving at platform two.
Hello, Jack. Happy Christmas.
Thanks.
Mind your bags please. Thank you.
Oxford. Oxford station.
Mind your bags, please. Thank you.
Oxford.
This is Oxford station.
The train now standing at platform three is the 357.
Platform three.
Nice talking to you. Have a good trip and a merry Christmas.
And the same to you, too.
Bye-bye.
Here, mum. I can do it.
Are you sure it's not too heavy?
Mum, why did those people sing so loud in the train?
Because it was Christmas cheer, get it?
Hello.
I didn't know you were...
Look who's here, Douglas.
Did you have a good journey, Douglas?
Yeah.
Welcome back to Oxford.
Thanks.
We're glad you could come.
Yeah.
It's up this way.
Douglas, here.
And joy...
You are here.
And bathroom here.
Well, that's that, then.
It's good.
Good.
Good. We'll leave you to settle in.
Great.
Won't you come with me, Douglas?
What do you think next, warnie? A nice cup of tea?
You can't go too far wrong with a cup of tea.
Joy?
Thank you.
By the way, the college president
is hosting his annual Christmas party this evening.
And I'm afraid I'm more or less
obliged to put in an appearance.
I don't suppose you'd wish to come with me, would you?
With Douglas?
Douglas, would you...
Thanks.
You know, Jack, that's all right.
I could use an early night. You go on without us.
Well, that's a pity. I thought you'd rather enjoy it.
We could always ask Mrs. young. We won't be so very late.
I'll be okay.
No, I'm being thoughtless. You've only just arrived.
Warnie?
Thank you, Jack.
Do you have your hot-water bottle?
Here it is with its very dainty cover.
All right, keep it close to you.
Why do you think they don't heat the house?
I don't know.
It's such a strange country.
But I think the natives are friendly.
All right.
So you'll finish your chapter and say your prayers? Okay.
Oh! You have a big, big kiss on your cheek. Good night.
Good night.
Good evening, major Lewis.
Good evening, Robert.
Mr. Lewis.
'Evening, Robert.
So?
Good evening.
Come and meet the college president.
This is the college president.
Where on earth did he find her?
She wrote to him.
A pen-pal?
Is this your first trip to england, Mrs. gresham?
Yeah, it's my first.
But I was wanting to come for a long time.
What brings you to england, Mrs. gresham?
I'm working on a book, so I was hoping to find a publisher over here.
Christopher, there you are.
Yes, Jack, here I am.
Please, let me introduce you to Mrs. joy gresham.
Professor Christopher Riley.
Professor Riley.
How do you do?
Pleasure.
What success have you had with your book?
Well, to be honest, it's not ready to be seen yet.
You mustn't let that stop you, Mrs. gresham.
It doesn't stop, Jack.
I'm sorry?
I am right in assuming you are from the United States of America?
Yes, I am.
Then perhaps you can satisfy my curiosity on a related matter.
I had always understood Americans
to be hard-riding, tough-talking,
no-nonsense sort of people.
Yet, Jack tells me his children's stories sell very well there.
Who can be buying them?
Well, professor Riley, we're not all cowboys, you know?
Have you read any of Jack's children's books?
Jack has read extracts aloud to me.
It is one of his tests of friendship.
Well, I think they're rather magical.
Congratulations, Jack. You seem to have found a soul mate.
I thought you believed that we didn't have souls, Christopher.
Well, yes, now, i regard the soul
as an essentially feminine accessory.
Anima, quite different from animus, the male variant.
This is how i explain the otherwise
puzzling difference between the sexes.
Where men have intellect,
women have soul.
As you say, professor Riley, I'm from the United States,
and different cultures have different modes of discourse.
I need a little guidance here.
Are you trying to be offensive or just merely stupid?
Let me introduce you to some friends of mine.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Hello.
It stood in our nursery when we were children.
If you don't need it anymore, you should throw it away.
Well, I'm not very good at throwing things away, as you can see.
We don't have an attic at home.
No?
You wish you were at home, don't you?
We always have a Turkey for Christmas at home.
Well, we'll have Turkey here, too.
With cranberry sauce?
Ah!
My dad loves cranberry sauce.
Does he?
And snow.
Who do you look like most, Douglas, your mother or your father?
This is my mum, and this is my dad.
But my dad's kind of noisy, and I'm not.
Noisy, in which way?
Like shouting.
I hate shouting.
And me, too.
I knew it was just an old wardrobe.
Mrs. young, we wouldn't happen to
have any cranberry sauce, would we?
-Cranberry sauce? -Yes.
What's that?
Well, my guess is, it's a sauce made from Cranberries.
Well, Mr. Lewis, if you can find me
some Cranberries, I'll sauce them.
Well, I think Mrs. young has done us proud, warnie.
It's all right, darling. It's all right.
Happy Christmas.
We ought to raise a glass to your husband, joy.
Sure, here's to bill.
To bill.
Bill.
Can we telephone to America?
Yes, I believe so. Do you want to?
That's all right. We'll be home before long.
You're very welcome if you want.
I do want.
It's very expensive, Douglas.
Oh, come on. I don't mind.
He's just excited by the novelty of it.
I am not. I want to talk to dad.
Well, you can't, and that's that.
Beastly things, telephones.
Ring, ring, ring. Stop what you're doing.
Get up. Hurry, hurry. Ring, ring, ring.
No manners at all, huh?
-All well? -All well.
Douglas never makes a fuss about going to bed.
It appears he never makes a fuss about anything,
except telephones, perhaps.
Right. May I?
Yes, of course.
Warnie's taken himself off to bed, too.
Sometimes he overdoes it a little. I expect you noticed.
Yes.
I know the signs.
There are signs, are there?
Poor old warnie.
You know, don't you?
Know what?
Well, you must not think I'm much of a mother,
not letting her son call his father on Christmas day.
Oh, that. That's none of my...
It just doesn't... It's not...
It isn't what it looks like. That's all.
I see.
And thank you for not asking.
Not asking what?
"What's this woman doing chasing
"all over england without her husband?"
Oh, that.
I ran away.
It's always a mistake, isn't it?
I mean, you have to face things in the end.
I left home because bill fell in love with another woman.
He takes the romantic view.
If you love someone, you marry them. I'm number two.
He wants me to give him a divorce so he can marry number three.
I see.
Bill's an alcoholic.
He's compulsively unfaithful.
And he's sometimes violent, and I guess I haven't loved him for years.
He's violent?
Only when he's drunk and he doesn't really know what he's doing.
It's just that he's worn me out. It's the truth of it.
Joy, look, if there's anything I can do...
There is.
You'll be my friend.
I hope I'm that already.
In you get, young man.
I'll take that for you, sir.
Well, goodbye, warnie. Thanks for putting up with us.
Not at all. We shall miss you.
-Goodbye, joy. -Jack.
So, they sail back tomorrow.
Yes.
I'm not sure that god particularly wants us to be happy.
I think he wants us to be able to love and be loved.
He wants us to grow up.
We think our childish toys bring us all the happiness there is
and our nursery is the whole wide world.
But something...
Something must drive us out of the nursery
to the world of others,
and that something is suffering.
You miss her, don't you?
Well, things are quieter now, aren't they?
Yeah.
I'm not much of a talker.
One of your many virtues, warnie.
Is she coming back?
No, no.
Thank you.
Thank you so much, Mr. Lewis.
What's your name?
James, sir.
James.
Would you sign my book for me, please?
Yes.
Thank you.
Lovely. Thanks so much.
Thank you.
I've always found this a trying time of the year.
Trying? To do what, Jack?
The leaves not yet out. Mud everywhere you go.
Frosty mornings gone.
Sunny mornings not yet come.
Give me blizzards and frozen pipes, but not this,
nothing time.
Not this,
waiting room of the world.
Tell me something, Christopher. How shall I put this?
Would you say you were content?
I am as I am. The world is as it is.
My contentment or otherwise has very little to do with it.
Don't you ever feel a sense of waste?
Of course.
Good evening.
I hope you don't mind. May I come in?
Yeah.
I happened to be in Blackwell's the other day,
and I saw you borrow a book.
Steal. I stole it.
Most of these books are stolen.
Why not? They're written to be read. At least I read them,
which is more than most people do.
So you read differently to the rest of us, do you?
Yes, I do.
I read at night so nothing breaks
my concentration. All night, sometimes.
When I start a new book, my hands are shaking.
Me eyes are jumping ahead.
Does he feel the way I felt? Does he see what I've seen?
You know, me father used to say... He's a teacher like you.
Well, not like you. He's only a village schoolmaster.
What was it your father used to say?
"We read to know we're not alone."
Would it help if i made you a small loan?
Yes, I expect it would if I wanted to be helped.
I see. Goodbye.
You see, we are like blocks of stone,
out of which the sculptor carves the forms of men.
The blows of his chisel, which hurt us so much,
are what make us perfect.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Mr. Lewis, what can I say?
Mr. Lewis, I don't want to bother you.
Congratulations.
Wonderful.
Mr. Lewis, I'm from Ohio.
Ohio? Oh, yes. How nice.
Mr. Lewis, you will join us, won't you?
Yes.
Do. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Mr. Lewis, you were marvelous.
Thank you.
Hello, Jack.
What are you doing here?
Well, i came to hear your talk.
Oh, yes, but...
What am I doing in London?
Well, Douglas and I live here now.
Really?
What did I do with bill? We're divorced.
But it's going to work out better for all of us.
Yes. Why didn't you write?
What for? To ask permission?
No, no.
Do you mind?
Me? No, why should I mind?
So it's all all right, then?
Yes, yes.
But, really, I'm very...
Very surprised to see you, you know?
Well, I wasn't dead. I was just in America.
Well, of course. Yes.
Yes, but you see, I...
I've been thinking about you.
Yes, I've been thinking about you.
Can I be of any assistance?
No, it's all right. I'm just talking to my friend.
Yes, I was thinking about you
and, suddenly, there you were.
No, here I am. It's present tense.
Present and tense.
I'm very sorry, but the committee
is waiting to entertain Mr. Lewis.
It's all right. I'll be with you in a moment. Thank you.
So, do let me know where you are, joy.
Sure.
Good. Bye.
I do hope i did the right thing. We're just through here.
So, she's settled here for good, has she?
For the foreseeable future.
With the boy?
Yes.
Will you be seeing much of her?
Not much, I shouldn't think.
I may look in again when I'm next in London.
It's very sweet of you to come and see me again, Jack.
I know how busy you are.
No, not at all.
I look forward to my outings to London.
Yeah.
You must come and visit us in Oxford.
Would you like some Sherry?
-Oh, yes. -I'm having some.
Yes, maybe as soon as Douglas' school term ends.
-There you go. -Thank you.
Cheers.
I would like to see warnie again.
You can just move Douglas' puzzle out of the way.
All right.
Do remember me to warnie.
Yes.
Tell him I promise i won't turn into a nuisance.
Why should you turn into a nuisance?
Well, Jack, i don't have to explain.
Explain what?
Now, why did you look at me like that?
Like what?
As if I'm lying to you.
Why should I lie to you? I mean what I say.
No, I know. It's just that you don't say it all, do you?
Well, one can't say it all. It would take too long.
Did you finish your chapter?
Almost.
Not yet.
All right, just a little bit longer.
Just till your hair dries.
Okay. 'Night, Jack.
Good night, Douglas.
Wait, I want a kiss.
Night-night.
- Good night, mum. - Sweet dreams.
I'm going to check the supper.
What sort of things do you want me to say?
Well, Jack, i want to remain friends with you,
so I need to know if there's anything that makes that hard for you.
I see.
We might as well know where we are.
You never can really tell what's
going on between people, can you?
People jump to conclusions.
Sometimes it makes me quite angry
the way people aren't allowed to be...
What? -You know, just friends.
What, like us, you mean.
Like us.
I don't mean to say that friendship is a small thing.
As a matter of fact, i rate it as
one of this life's most precious gifts.
But?
But it shouldn't be
turned into a watered-down version of something that it's not.
-Such as? -Such as...
Well, to give you an example, romantic love.
That's not to say that friendship isn't, in its way...
A kind of love.
See? I knew you'd understand.
I understand more than that, Jack.
-Could you open this? -Yeah.
You're a bachelor, and I'm a divorced woman.
Now, some people
would imagine that you have romantic intentions towards me.
You have no such intentions. You want that out in the open
because you care about me, and you don't want me to be hurt.
Have I understood you correctly?
I don't know what to say.
You don't have to say anything.
I just said it. Wasn't so hard, was it?
Well, I'm just not used to this... Whatever it is.
Naming names, that's all.
Yes.
Now you don't have to be afraid of me anymore, do you?
Good lord, I was never afraid of you. You...
Why are you looking... I was never afraid of you. Why look?
Jack, I really am
very thankful for everything you've done for me.
I'm sure there are far more ways I...
Substantial ways I can be of help that you're not telling me about.
I don't want to exhaust your good will.
Well, there's no fear of that.
Well, there is something, which would help me enormously.
I find it... oh, Jack. This is very hard for me.
If it's too much for you, you would just say no, wouldn't you? Just no.
I mean, no guilt, no evasion, no running away?
Yes, I think I can just about manage that.
Something I ought to tell you, warnie.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah.
Um...
I've agreed to marry joy.
You have?
Mmm-hmm. Seemed the right thing to do.
It did?
Yes, there's nothing to worry about.
See, what I've agreed to do is extend my British citizenship to her,
so that she can go on living in england.
By marrying her?
Yeah, only technically.
You're marrying joy technically?
A true marriage
is a declaration before god, not before some government official.
And joy will keep her own name
and we'll all go on living exactly as before.
Before you are joined in matrimony, i have to remind you
of the solemn and binding character
of the vows you are about to make.
Now, Mr. Lewis, if you'll repeat after me.
"I call upon these persons here present..."
I call upon these persons here present...
"...to witness that I, clive staples Lewis..."
...to witness that I, clive staples Lewis...
"...do take thee, Helen joy gresham..."
...do take thee, Helen joy gresham...
"...to be my lawful, wedded wife."
...to be my lawful, wedded wife.
Joy gresham, if you'll repeat after me.
"I call upon these persons here present..."
I call upon these persons here present...
"...to witness that I, Helen joy gresham..."
...to witness that I, Helen joy gresham...
"...do take thee, clive staples Lewis..."
...do take thee, clive staples Lewis...
"...to be my lawful, wedded husband."
...to be my lawful, wedded husband.
Do we have a ring?
-No. -No.
No.
-Well, that's that. -All right, well.
-Good luck. -Can I buy you both a drink?
Sorry, joy, i simply have to catch the 12:22.
Well then, off you go, Jack.
Bye, warnie.
-Bye, Jack. -Bye, joy.
I would be most grateful for that drink, joy.
That's awfully kind of you, warnie.
I think I saw a pub just down the road.
Shall we risk it?
All right.
-All right? -Yeah.
Go.
Here we go. Yeah, that's it.
Well, that was quite an unusual experience.
Yes, you must forgive Jack.
Well, I'm getting to know him a little by now.
I think I understand him better.
Anyway, I'm very grateful to him.
Nobody is to know, he tells me.
Well, actually what he said was,
"it will be as if it never happened."
A great mistake, Jack. You'll live to regret it.
Regret what, Chris?
Staying in this godforsaken place all summer.
The day after encaenia, I'm off.
Where, Chris?
Tuscany, where else?
Where else, indeed. Could I have some cheese, Jeremy?
We're going to the loire, camping.
Camping?
I think I'll bring a guest this year.
Do, by all means.
When Laura was alive,
we once took the grandchildren camping.
Bring a guest, Jack?
Yes, encaenia.
Take my tip, Rupert. Sleep outside the tent, and smoke a cigar.
- Whatever for? - Mosquitoes.
You've met her, joy gresham.
Yes. Yes, quite.
Not the American?
Yes, the American.
Is she back in Oxford?
Thank you.
No, no. No, she's in London.
She wants to see the pageant of learning.
I feel distinctly underdressed.
This is just a sort of uniform really.
This is Jack's party frock.
Jack, come here. Come here.
What?
Just a little something...
What is that? What is it?
Yeah, I got it. It's fine.
If you feel like a stroll...
Are these two places free?
Yes, please do.
Claude, let me give you a hand.
Here we go.
She's living in London now?
Yes.
With her husband?
No, they're divorced.
Why did I have a feeling you were going to say that?
- Hello, warnie. - Hello.
Are you all right?
I'm just a little exhausted. Would it be all right if we sat down?
Yes. You haven't seen my rooms yet. Let me show you.
You tired?
Would you like coffee?
-Yes. -Nescafe?
Sure.
There, that's better. Much better.
You should change those shoes.
I don't want to talk about that.
I'm not going to stay long, either.
For all I know, I'm not even allowed to be here.
Female guests are permitted
between 10:00 A.M. and 8:00 P.M.
We're legal.
Jack, don't you sometimes just bust to share the joke?
What joke?
Here's your friends, thinking we're unmarried
and up to all sorts of wickedness.
When all along we're married and up to nothing at all.
Which friends?
God, you really can be hard work sometimes.
So, what do you do here? Think great thoughts?
Teach, mainly.
What do they do?
Sit at your feet and gaze up at you in awe?
No, not at all.
I bet they do.
We have some fine old battles in here, i can tell you that.
Which you win.
It must be quite a boost for you,
being older and wiser than all of them.
Not to mention your readers.
What?
Your readers and that gang of friends of yours.
All very well-trained not to play out of bounds.
What are you talking about?
Of course, there's warnie.
Not much competition there.
That's nonsense.
And what about Christopher Riley?
He never lets me get away with anything, you know that.
Except doubt and fear and pain and terror.
Where does all that come from?
I don't know, I've only now just seen it,
how you've arranged a life for yourself where no one can touch you.
Everyone that's close to you is either younger than you,
or weaker than you or under your control.
Why...
Why are you getting at me? I thought... I thought we were friends.
I don't know that we are friends...
Not the way you have friends, anyway.
Sorry, Jack.
I don't understand.
No, I think you do.
You just don't like it, nor do I.
Whistler.
-Three? -Yeah.
-Bye. -Bye.
Go? Go where?
London.
But, why? Is it money?
Not really.
One more year, and you'd have your degree.
Yeah, then what? Teach like you?
I wonder what it is everyone wants from me.
You know, that's the first question I've ever heard you ask
that sounds like you don't know the answer.
Is that good? Is that what you want?
Ignorance? Confusion?
Look, I just don't think I see my way
ahead quite as clearly as you do.
Shadows.
What?
It's one of my stories.
"We live in the shadowlands.
"The sun is always shining somewhere else.
"Round a bend in the road. Over the brow of a hill."
Hello, a London number, please.
Yesterday, a friend of mine, a very brave,
good woman,
collapsed in terrible pain. One minute, she was fit and well,
the next minute, she was in agony.
She is now in hospital, and this morning
I was told she's suffering from cancer.
Why?
See, if you love someone, you don't want them to suffer.
You can't bear it.
You want to take their suffering onto yourself.
Even I feel like that.
Why doesn't god?
How is she?
Not good.
I'm so sorry, Jack.
I just want her to be well again, you see.
Of course you do. We all do.
What a dangerous world we live in, warnie.
You've been up all night. Why don't you get some sleep?
No, I can't sleep.
It's all too soon, you see. I just haven't had time, that's all.
Time for what?
I don't know.
To talk, say things.
It doesn't take long.
No, I suppose not.
Whatever it is, i should just say it.
Yes, you must be right, warnie, but it is difficult, you see.
Yes, I do see that.
Mr. Lewis.
Dr. Craig, this is my brother, warnie.
How do you do? Your wife.
How is she? Any change?
We've made her as comfortable as we can,
otherwise, there's nothing further to report.
How much has she been told?
She's been told that the cancer has eaten away her left femur.
Oh, no.
She knows it's serious.
The thigh bone snapped like a frozen twig.
I see.
Can anything be done?
She's dying, warnie.
That's putting it more starkly than I would choose, Mr. Lewis.
No, but it's true, isn't it?
The cancer is very advanced.
Joy?
Jack?
Don't talk if it hurts.
Where's Douglas?
He's staying with us for the moment.
I'll bring him over to see you when...
When you're up to it.
Thank you.
Do you have any water?
Mmm-hmm.
Were you here to visit me before?
A couple of times, yes.
I thought so.
Sorry, Jack. I didn't mean to cause you all this bother.
Don't talk nonsense. You're the one that's having the bother.
What I mean is, you don't have to take care of me.
Well...
Who do you expect to take care of you?
You know what I'm trying to say.
But who else should take care of you, but me?
You're my wife.
Technically.
Then I shall look after you technically.
Jack, i have to know how bad it is. They won't tell me.
Well, that's because they're not sure themselves.
Please, Jack.
I don't know any more than they do.
Before Douglas gets here, i need to know.
They say you're going to die.
Yes. Thank you.
What do you say, Jack? I'm a Jew.
I'm divorced. I'm broke.
And I'm dying of cancer. Do you think I get a discount?
Oh, joy.
Do you know something, Jack?
Hmm?
You seem different.
You look at me properly now.
Didn't I before?
Not properly.
I don't want to lose you, joy.
I don't want to be lost.
Nurse. Nurse!
Nurse!
Is this pain really necessary?
I'll fetch the doctor.
Good.
There we are. We'll... we'll make another one tomorrow.
Now it's lights out?
No, I read in bed.
Got your book?
Here.
How long are you allowed to read?
One chapter.
One chapter then, huh?
I want to be awake when Jack gets back.
Well, that shouldn't be long now.
He will say good night, won't he?
Of course.
-Night-night. -'Night.
No change.
I promised Douglas you'd say good night.
She's in hospital in London.
Apparently, he goes up there every day.
It must have hit him very hard.
It's thrown him completely off balance.
A sad business.
Has he said anything to you?
-About her? -Yeah.
No, nothing.
Oh!
Jack, I'm so sorry about all this.
Yes. Yes, Christopher. Thank you.
It's all come too soon, you see.
Her affairs aren't in order, and...
What's going to happen to Douglas, for example?
I suppose, his father?
No.
No, she wouldn't want that.
Because he drinks, you know, and he's an alcoholic.
Possibly other relatives.
I mean, it's not as if...
It's not as if what, Harry?
Well, she's your friend, of course.
But, well...
She's not family.
She's not my wife?
No, of course not.
It's impossible.
It's unthinkable.
How could joy be my wife?
I'd have to love her, wouldn't I?
I'd have to care more for her
than for anyone else in this world.
I'd have to be suffering the torments of the damned
at the prospect of losing her.
I'm sorry, Jack. I didn't know.
Nor did I, Harry.
It's growing in right here.
See? I got a new tooth.
That's great. How 'bout that one on the bottom?
Remember?
Oh, yes.
Better take him home. I'll stay a little longer. I'll catch the 8:40.
Right.
May we come in?
Ever had toasted teacakes, Douglas?
No.
The secret's in the butter. You've got to have so much
that it runs down your finger.
Shall we go and find some?
Put that tooth under your pillow.
-Okay. -Okay.
-See you soon. -Bye.
Come on. The secret's in the butter.
You've got to have lots of butter.
-See you later. -Yes.
Are you staying?
Yes, for a while.
I want to marry you, joy.
I want to marry you before god and the world.
Make an honest woman out of me?
No, not you.
It's me who hasn't been honest.
Look what it takes to make me see sense.
You think I've overdone it?
Please don't leave me, joy.
You know, Jack, back where I come from,
they have this quaint old custom.
Well, when a guy makes up his mind to marry a girl, he asks her.
It's called proposing.
It's the same here.
Did I miss it?
Will you marry this foolish, frightened old man,
who needs you more than he can bear to say...
Who loves you even though he hardly knows how?
Just this once.
We don't seem to have had much time to talk.
I'm okay.
Yeah.
Your mother and I...
Why did we ever have to come to this stupid country?
We were all right where we were.
I told mum, but she wouldn't listen.
Does my dad know she's sick? Did anybody tell him?
Yes, he's been told.
It's sinking now. I don't care.
I know your mother's talked to you about...
Yup.
Would that be all right with you?
Yup.
It would make me happy, and I think it would make her happy, too.
Okay.
I, joy, take thee, Jack...
"...to have and to hold from this day forward..."
...to have and to hold from this day forward...
"...for better, for worse..."
...for better, for worse...
"...for richer, for poorer..."
...for richer, for poorer...
"...in sickness and in health..."
...in sickness and in health...
"...to love, Cherish, and obey..."
...to love, Cherish, and obey...
"...till death us do part."
...till death us do part.
The ring?
"With this ring, i thee wed."
With this ring, i thee wed.
"With my body, i thee worship."
With my body, i thee worship.
"And all my worldly goods, i thee endow."
And all my worldly goods, i thee endow.
Those whom god hath joined together, let no man put asunder.
Mr. Lewis?
Yes.
Peter whistler.
Of course, yes. How are you?
Fine.
-Thank you. -Thanks.
Funny the way things work out, isn't it?
I've not noticed that they do.
You're probably right. Well.
"Fight me, I can take it."
What?
"Fight me, i can take it," you've...
Did I say that?
Yes.
Ah!
So what are you doing these days?
Teaching. Feel free to give a hollow laugh.
No, I suspect you're a born teacher.
I do turn out to be quite good at it.
Good.
Your father's a teacher, isn't he?
-Yes. -Oh, yeah.
He died a few months ago.
I'm sorry.
I loved him very much.
Did he know that?
I think so.
I think he knew.
Yeah.
One has to say things.
The moment passes, and then you're alone again.
Yes.
"We read to know we're not alone."
That's what he said, wasn't it, your father? I haven't forgotten.
Well.
Jack, what news?
Good news, i think, Harry.
Yes, good news.
I'm very glad, Jack.
Thank you, Christopher. Thank you.
Christopher can scoff, but I know how hard you've been praying.
And now, god is answering your prayer.
That's not why I pray, Harry. I pray because i can't help myself.
I pray because I'm helpless. I pray because the need
flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping.
It doesn't change god. It changes me.
He's got very little on his plate.
Doctor, how is she?
Well, I think you'd better see for yourself.
I'll catch you up, sister.
Right, sir.
Watch.
Well.
Can you do more?
All right, come closer.
That's it.
Oh, dear!
How did I do?
It's not bad. That's wonderful.
Wonderful. Come sit down.
Wonderful.
So, does she have to stay here?
I see no reason why.
So long as the remission continues.
How long is that?
Come on, you can speak openly.
Could be months, could be weeks.
Why not years?
In such an advanced case that would be unusual.
Well, we take what we can get.
Right.
How would you like to come home?
Jack, where's home?
What do you mean, "where's home?" Oxford. My house. Our house.
We're married. Don't you remember? Let's go and take her home.
Good.
Now, there's no need to worry about me, Jack. I'll sort myself out.
Sort yourself out? What do you mean?
New digs. No problem.
Do you want to?
It's as you wish, Jack.
I don't.
Right you are.
It's settled.
Douglas?
There. There.
Thanks, sweetheart. Give me a kiss.
Okay. Good night.
Good night, mum.
Ready, Jack.
Here we are. Take it slowly. That's it.
All right? That's it, not far.
Can we just sit down? I need a lot of pauses.
-All right. -All right.
Good. Up we go.
-It's good. -Right.
Good.
Thank you, my love.
What for?
For all of it.
I think it's better if I lie down.
Wait. Move slowly. Hold it.
Here you are, it's more comfortable.
-There. -Good.
-All right. -Good.
Yes, as I look at this room...
It strikes me, it is a bit on the spartan side.
How long has it been your room?
Twenty-five years.
More, I suppose.
Have you ever shared it with anyone?
No.
Feel strange?
Well, I'm not entirely sure of the procedure.
Well, what do you usually do when you go to bed, Jack?
Very much what you'd expect.
No, tell me. See, you come in the door...
Then I draw the curtains.
Then I get out my pajamas.
From where?
Under the pillow.
And then what?
Then I hang my clothes over the chair.
I clean my teeth, wash...
Kneel by the bed.
No, first I, turn back the bedclothes, then I kneel by the bed,
pray, then I get into bed.
Like a little boy.
Is it?
What next?
Then I go to sleep.
On your back or on your side?
On my side.
Show me.
Good.
You do everything just the way you always do it, Jack.
When you get to the last bit, I'll be here, too.
That's the procedure.
What is the time? Let's see.
6:00 any minute now.
Well, is somebody going to ring a bell or something?
Yes, I believe a lot of people ring a lot of bells.
First, they sing.
All right?
Jump! Jump!
Mad. They're raving mad, all of them.
It's known as high spirits.
Jump! Jump! Jump!
Admit you're glad I brought you.
It's pagan. It's vulgar. It's all faintly silly, but it works.
Sunrise always works.
You have to hold it down.
So how do you want it to look? Like that, right?
-Yeah. -So describe that.
- Well, it's got lots of sunlight. Hello.
Then type it. Hi.
Hello, Douglas.
Jack, where did you say the golden valley was?
Somewhere in herefordshire, i believe.
Douglas, your tea's ready.
All right, all right. Okay, so remember what we talked about,
'cause it's important. We'll finish this thing.
-Okay. -All right.
-Hello. -Hello.
Where did you say it was?
Herefordshire, i believe.
And do you think it still looks the same?
Oh, I very much doubt it.
You thought it was heaven, didn't you?
I was only a child.
Let's go and look for it, Jack.
Hmm?
We never had a honeymoon.
Are you up to traveling?
It's not so far, is it?
I don't really know. Where would we stay?
I don't know. A small country hotel.
You happy?
Yes.
What kind of happy?
Just happy.
You know my kind of happy?
How stupid.
I always forget. When you ask a question,
it means you have the answer waiting. So go ahead, tell me.
No.
Come on.
No, I'm not telling you now.
What do I have to do? I have to go to the lecture?
Yes, buy the book.
Well, it's a hotel, and it's in the country.
Thank you.
Jack.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yes.
Well, will it do?
It's beautiful, Jack.
You seem to have survived the journey.
Yes, but I could use a drink.
Yeah, do they have room service?
Room service?
I used to think that room service
was saying your prayers in bed.
Well, you can order some prayers if you want.
I will take a gin and tonic.
What, now?
Sure, why not?
All right.
Honey.
You can use a telephone.
Where is it? Oh, yes, phone.
Room service.
Hello?
Yes, this is Mr. Lewis in room number...
I'm sorry. I've forgotten the number of the room...
I'm already in the room, you see.
Oh, you do. Good.
Yes, a gin and tonic.
Gin and tonic.
Two gin and tonics. Two gins and tonic, i should say.
Yes, I'm sorry. Good. Thank you. Bye.
You don't like gin.
I'm afraid I panicked.
Come here.
The golden valley runs along the river dore.
Here, let me show you on the map.
It runs from here to here.
Why "golden"?
It's a mistake, really.
The welsh for "water" is "dwr" which sounds like "d'or,"
the French for "golden." It isn't golden at all. It's wet.
Where can one get a view of the valley?
I should go along here,
down to the junction here,
and turn left up this little road.
That'll take you up into the hills.
You know, i don't know why we're doing this.
Yes, you do.
It probably won't be the same.
It'll all be changed or spoiled.
Thank you.
I think that was it. Oh, no, I'm wrong.
The valley runs east-west, doesn't it?
No idea.
You know we're there already, of course?
Where?
There.
Oh, there, yes.
Well, that's it.
Well, we almost made it.
No, I don't want to be somewhere else anymore.
Not waiting for anything new to happen.
Not looking around the next corner, nor the next hill.
Here now. That's enough.
That's your kind of happy, isn't it?
Yes. Yes, it is.
It's not going to last, Jack.
We shouldn't think about that now.
Let's not spoil the time we have together.
It doesn't spoil it.
It makes it real.
Let me just say it before this rain stops, and we go back.
What is there to say?
That I'm going to die
and I want to be with you then, too.
The only way I can do that is if I'm able to talk to you about it now.
I'll manage somehow. Don't worry about me.
No, I think it can be better than that.
I think it can be better than just managing.
What I'm... What I'm trying to say is that...
The pain then is part of the happiness now.
That's the deal.
Yeah, that's good.
Don't go in the river. Yeah.
You've got it. That's good.
That's it.
Douglas, come in, and get warm for a while.
I'm sorry, Jack.
She'll be better here. No stairs to climb.
Can't you do something?
I'm afraid not.
Douglas, you couldn't go and fetch the other pillow, could you?
Thank you, doctor.
See you tomorrow. Night-night.
Good night, young man.
Thanks for coming, Eddie.
A lot of silly fuss, huh?
Good night.
Get over here.
Good night, Jack. Be in tomorrow.
Come on. Give me a hug.
You will remember it, i know you will. It'll be hard.
Okay.
Remember what we talked about because it's important, okay?
Okay?
Good night.
Good night, mummy.
Go straight to sleep.
Blast.
Here, it's all right. There.
God, I can't bear to see you in pain like this.
It's all right, Jack. It keeps me quiet.
When it gets close, you find out whether you believe it or not, yes?
Don't you always say, "real life hasn't begun yet"?
Jack, you better be right.
Still here?
Still here.
Go to bed. Get some sleep.
Soon.
I'm tired, Jack.
I want to rest.
I just don't want to leave you.
I don't want you to go.
Too much pain.
I know.
I don't know what to do, joy. You'll have to tell me what to do.
You have to let me go.
I'm not sure that I can.
Can't hear you.
You will take care of Douglas?
Of course.
He pretends not to mind.
- I know. - Like you.
No more pretending, not anymore.
I've loved you so, Jack.
Don't talk, my love. Just rest.
My love, just rest.
Just rest.
I love you, joy. I love you so much.
You've made me so happy.
I didn't know i could be so happy.
You're the truest person I've ever known.
Sweet Jesus, be with my beloved wife, joy.
Forgive me if i love her too much.
Have mercy on us both.
"We, therefore, commit the body
"of thy servant, joy, to the elements,
"earth to earth,
"ashes to ashes,
"dust to dust."
This way, Douglas.
Thank god for your faith, Jack.
Because only faith makes any sense of times like this. I know.
What's happening to me, warnie?
I can't see her anymore.
Can't remember her face.
I expect it's shock.
I'm so afraid of never seeing her again...
Of thinking that suffering is just suffering, after all.
No cause, no purpose, no pattern.
I...
I don't know what to tell you, Jack.
Nothing, there's nothing to say.
I know that now.
I've just come up against a bit of experience, warnie.
Experience is a brutal teacher,
but you learn. My god, you learn.
Sir, I really do think one or two of us should have gone.
Certainly not, we hardly knew the woman.
I haven't even seen him for a couple of weeks.
I wouldn't say this to Jack,
but in the circumstances, better sooner than later.
Is he taking it very hard?
Yes, I'm afraid so.
Rupert, could we have a word together out in the hall?
Yes, sir. -Good evening, Jack.
Nice to see you, Jack.
Jack.
I wasn't going to come, but then I thought I would.
Life must go on.
I don't know that it must, Harry, but it certainly does.
I'm sorry, Jack.
Thank you, Christopher.
We're all deeply sorry, Jack.
Thank you, president.
Anything I can do?
Yes, just don't tell me it's all for the best. That's all.
Only god knows why these things have to happen, Jack.
God knows, but does god care?
Of course.
We see so little here. We're not the creator.
No, we're the creatures, aren't we?
We're the... We're the rats in the cosmic laboratory.
I've no doubt that the experiment is for our own good,
but that still makes god the vivisectionist, doesn't it?
Jack...
No! It won't do.
This is bloody awful mess, and that's all there is to it.
I'm sorry, Harry. I am sorry, Christopher.
I'm just not fit company tonight. That's all.
- Jack. - Yes?
Your grief is your own business. Maybe you feel life is a mess.
Maybe it is. But there's Douglas.
-What about Douglas? -Talk to him.
I don't know what to say to him.
Just talk to him!
Hi.
When my mother died, i was your age.
I thought that if I prayed for her
to get better and if I really believed,
she'd get better. Then, she wouldn't die.
But she did.
It doesn't work.
No, it doesn't work.
I don't care.
I loved your mother very much.
Perhaps I loved her too much. She knew that.
She said to me, "is it worth it?"
Because she knew what it would be like later.
It doesn't seem fair, does it?
I don't see why she had to get sick.
No, nor me.
But you can't hold on to things, Douglas.
You have to let them go.
Jack?
Mmm-hmm.
Do you believe in heaven?
Yes, I do.
I don't believe in heaven.
That's okay.
I sure would like to see her again.
Me, too.
Hello, who are you?
Chadwick, sir.
You're my tutor this term.
Am I?
Chadwick. Right. Come up.
Chadwick, you say?
Yes, sir.
Sit down.
"We read to know we're not alone."
Do you think that is so?
Well, i hadn't thought of it before like that, sir.
No, nor had I.
I suppose some people would say,
"we love to know we're not alone."
Would you?
Well, if you mean "falling in love," well, I haven't really.
I mean, I probably know more about love from books
than from personal experience.
Go on. I'm listening.
Well, I don't think any of us want to be alone.
Why love if losing hurts so much?
I have no answers anymore,
only the life I've lived.
Twice in that life,
I've been given the choice.
As a boy,
and as a man.
The boy chose safety.
The man chooses suffering.
The pain now
is part of the happiness then.
That's the deal.