(music) [light, upbeat ukulele]
(music) [man singing Envy]
[Snoring]
[Alarm buzzes]
[Alarm beeps]
[Continues snoring]
- 露拉喜欢喝果汁- 你有足够的果汁
- [Michael] Lula loves her syrup.- [Debbie] You have enough syrup.
巴特斯沃斯太太不是个喷水瓶
[Tim] Mrs. Butterworthsisn't a squirt bottle.
不是什么大交易，你已经拿得够多了
It's no big deal. You've had enough.
- 妈妈，这个不够焦- 你想让我烧了他们？
- Mom, these aren't brown enough.- Do you want me to burn them?
不,我只想要更焦点的
No, but I just want them more brown.
麦基, 妈妈不是个快餐厨师
Mikey, Mom's not a short order cook.
马上吃光
Eat up now.
双头结?我们没有打过双头结
[Natalie] Double knots?We never did double knots.
- 亲爱的,我解不开了- 别用叉子
- [Nick] Sweetie, I can't get it.- Don't use a fork.
不要在餐桌上面玩泡泡先吃你的早饭
No bubbles at the table.Eat your breakfast first.
妈妈说得对我的鸡蛋现在尝起来都有泡泡的味道
She's right, you know,my eggs taste like bubbles now.
- 快点,亲爱的,你会迟到的- 好的
- Hurry up, honey, you'll be late.- [Tim] All right.
这辆车需要检查一下黏胶情况祝你好运
The van needs an inspection sticker.Good luck.
好的
Alrighty.
这是什么?谁把它藏在里面
What's this?Look who's hiding.
蒂诺先生...还有奇怪的隐藏者
Mr. Dino...and another weird stowaway.
好的, 娜莎,不要把谷物放在我吃的里面
Okay, Nathan, no cereal in my thingie.
- 再见, 甜心- 再见, 亲爱的
- Bye, sweetheart.- Bye, honey.
娜莎!
Nathan!
- 那是什么？- 什么？
- What's that?- What?
那个
That.
糖枫汁
Maple syrup.
嗯！你能相信这是从一棵树上提取出来的吗？
Mmm, man! Can you believethat comes from a tree?
别舔我的裤子
Don't taste my pants.
我不能舔你的裤子？
I can't taste your pants?
永远不能
Ever.
- 永远？- 永远不能
- Ever?- No.
好的，那你别把糖枫汁留在上面
Well, don't spill maple syrup on them.
不能因为我裤子上面有糖枫汁你就去舔
Just because it's theredoesn't mean you have to taste it.
- 我喜欢糖枫- 但别舔我的裤子
- I like maple syrup.- Not from my pants.
我喜欢
I love it.
你看这样怎么样：如果你有个东西，就像印泥一样的...
How about this:What if you had, like, an inkpad...
但是里面放的不是墨水里面放的是糖枫汁
only instead of ink,it was soaked in maple syrup.
或者是薄荷还有任何你喜欢的味道
Or peppermint.Any flavor you wanted.
- 你要做的就是打开盒盖- 好的
- And you just open up your little pad.- Right.
然后把你的手指放在上面然后再舔舔手指
And you press your finger on itand then you taste your finger.
薄荷，任何时间也可以是樱桃
Peppermint. Any time of day.Or cherry.
过段时间你会不会觉得恶心？
[Tim] Wouldn't the pad get disgustingafter awhile?
恶心什么？
[Nick] Disgusting how?
我不知道，你一直舔你肮脏的手指
I don't know. You keep touching itwith your filthy fingers.
几天以后，那个盒子里面的味道也许就像垃圾堆里面的床垫一样
Couple of days that flavor pad's likesome mattress you find at the dump.
你说得对，确实不好
You're right. It's no good.
[Knocking]
蒂姆
[Nick] Tim.
- 你拿到你的表现图表了吗？- 是的
- Did you get your performance chart?- Yeah.
看看我的，我真是搞不懂
Well, look at mine. I don't get it.
好，一般，一般，好
Good. Fair. Fair. Good.
然后突然下降到红色区域
Then it falls into the redin the focus department.
你知道，尼克那时因为你是个梦想家，你知道吗？
Well, you know, Nick, that's becauseyou're a dreamer. You know?
- 我不是梦想家- 你不是注意力最集中的人
- I'm not a dreamer.- You're not the most focused person.
你是个梦想家
You're a dreamer.
是吗，我是梦想家吗？
Yeah. I'm a dreamer?
嘿，你想有些奇妙的感觉吗？过来
Hey, you want to feel something?Come here.
坐在椅子上面，过来
Sit in this chair. Come here.
好的
Okay.
感觉一下
Check this out.
噢
Whoa.
- 靠背- 噢，真是把不错的椅子！
- Sit back.- Oh, this is some chair!
- 你喜欢吗？- 是的
- Do you like it?- Yeah.
感觉一下
Feel this.
什么？
What is that?
- 腰部支撑- 太棒了
- Lumbar support.- That is good.
- 是为你的背部曲线特别设计的- 我喜欢
- It's made especially for your spine.- I like it.
到办公室来然后等着升职
Comes with the office.And the promotion.
- 好的- 想过买个游泳池吗？
- Right.- Thinking of buying a swimming pool?
- 什么，你在开玩笑吗？- 是的
- What, are you kidding?- I am.
- 想想看豌豆形的
- Thinking bean-shaped.- [Grunts]
豌豆形的？很贵的
Expensive. Bean-shaped?
[Whistling]
Take a look at my performance chart.
Look at your focus. It's way up there.It's in the yellow.
I'm telling you, you get your focuseven into the orange, just the orange...
I guarantee you can havea chair like that.
- Really?- And an office like this.
And a piano-shaped poolif that's what you want.
It's all there for you.All you got to do is focus.
Just work a little bit harder.
You can get bumped up to sandpaperwith me and the world opens up.
You know what, man?You could really sack out in this thing.
I'm telling you, your numbersaren't that bad. It's just focus.
If you put together everything else, yougot a really strong thing going on...
[breathing heavily]
Nick. Nick!
[Snorting]
- I got to get back to work.- Yeah.
- Good talk.- Yeah, good talk.
- Remember what I said.- Focus.
- Just get into orange.- That's all I need.
Don't even worry about yellow,just orange.
[Whistle blows]
[Nick] Do you ever just watch your hand?
[Tim] No.
I was just looking at my hand today.
It was like a separate thing.
It was...
把纸捡起来
picking up papers.
敲打我的办公桌放在我的兜里面
It tapped on my desk.It sat in my lap.
- 就像...- 不好意思
- It's like...- Sorry.
就像...
It's like a...
就像一个伙伴
It's like a sidekick.
我的小小的丑陋的伙伴非常多余
My little ugly sidekick.It was very odd.
恶
Eww.
- 噢，噢！- 什么？
- [Nick] Oh, oh!- [Tim] What?
- 噢！- 什么？！
- [Nick] Oh!- [Tim] What?!
这个怎么样？
[Nick] How about this?
一个喷罐，想想看？你喷在狗屎上面...
A spray can, see?And you spray it on dog poo...
然后狗屎消失了
and the poo disappears.
- 消失？- 是！
- Disappears?- Yes!
到哪里去了？
Where does it go?
谁知道呢，但是实情是...
Who knows? But the thing is...
你出来遛狗的时候不用带东西来清除狗屎了
you come up with somethingthat gets rid of dog turds,
你遥遥领先了，我的朋友遥遥领先
you are home free, my friend.Home free.
[Debbie sighs]
什么事？
[Debbie sighs]
没什么
What?
Nothing.
吸脂
Liposuction.
就是那种把脂肪吸到别的地方去的那种？
You mean, where they suck the fat out?
这里有这样的介绍
There's a thing about it in here.
你很好，你不需要去抽脂
You're fine. You don't needto get fat sucked out.
- 如果我们有额外的资金...- 我们没有额外的资金
- If we had a little extra money...- We don't have extra money.
- 我们有一点- 不是用来做抽脂的
- We have a little.- Not to get fat sucked out.
[Phone rings]
喂？
Hello?
- 蒂姆. 蒂姆, 好好听着- 什么？
- Timmy. Timmy, check this out.- What?
你白天听到了我那个把狗屎消失的发明了吧？
You know that invention of minethat makes turds disappear?
我给它起了个名字
[Sighing]
狗屎蒸发
I got a name for it.
把狗屎和蒸发两个词放在一起
Vapoorize.
Just like vaporize only you add an "o"so you got "poo" right in the middle.
我知道了
Yeah, I get it.
你能相信它有多完美吗？应该在狗屎这个词下面加下划线
Do you see how perfect it is?Maybe even underline the poo.
狗屎蒸发
Va-poo-rize.
- 很好- 狗屎蒸发
- All right.- Vapoorize.
再见
Goodbye.
- 尼克?- 嗯
- Nick?- Mmm-hmm.
- 他说什么？- 没什么
- What did he want?- Nothing.
狗屎蒸发
Vapoorize.
下一个，女士们先生们，娜莎 范得帕克
[Announcer] Next up, ladiesand gentlemen, Nathan Vanderpark.
- 去阿，娜莎- 很好
- [Woman] Go ahead, Nathan.- [Nick] All right.
- 我们开始，娜莎，我们开始
- [Cheering, clapping]- Here we go, Nathan. Here we go.
- 差不多了- 很好
- [Woman] Almost.- [Nick] All right.
- 干得不错- 很好，娜莎，我们...
- Nice try.- [Nick] All right, Nathan, let's...
靠近点
[Nick] Close one.
噢，过来 ...很好
Oh! Come... all right.
够了，嘿！
[Nick] That's enough. Hey!
就差一点
[Natalie] Almost.
- 我们下次继续来，没事的- 干得好
- We'll get them next time, no problem.- [Natalie] Good job.
你知道那个做研究的迪米特洛夫吗？
You know Dimitriov in research?
- 迪米特洛夫?- 对
- Dimitriov?- Yeah.
- 大胡子的怪人？- 不知道
- Kind of big beard? Kind of strange?- No.
- 我把我的发明告诉了他- 什么发明？
- I told him about my invention.- What invention?
狗屎蒸发！
Vapoorize!
尼克, 你有个很好的名字，就这些
Nick, you got a cute name, that's it.
那不是发明，只是个点子什么也不是
It's not an invention. It's an idea.It's nothing.
但是迪米特洛夫不是这样想他认为我很有想法
Not according to Dimitriov.He thinks I'm really on to something.
(music) [harmonica, drumming]
- 太棒了！- 干得很好
- [All] Bravo!- [Natalie] Good stuff.
- 干得不错- 干得好
- [Nick] Good job.- [Natalie] Good stuff.
你知道什么？我喜欢这个帐子没有蚊虫
You know what? I love this tent.There's not one bug.
猜猜看？
Guess what?
我前几天晚上去了迪米特洛夫那里
I went over to Dimitriov'sa couple nights ago.
我们做了些试验
We ran some experiments in his sink.
- 他正在为这个而欢呼呢- 什么事情
- He's having a ball with this thing.- What thing?
你没有和戴比说说我的发明？
You didn't tell Debbieabout my invention?
没有，不好意思，我没说继续，非常好
No, sorry, I didn't.Go ahead. This is great.
想想看是个喷罐，对吗？
Check it out.It's a spray can, okay?
然后你把它喷在狗屎上面...
And you spray it on dog poo...
然后狗屎消失了
and the poo disappears.
真是骇人听闻的发明我的意思是我们确实需要
That is an awesome invention.I mean, we could sure use it.
那不是发明，什么也不是我的意思是，它怎么工作啊？
It's not an invention. It's nothing.I mean, how does it work?
有个喷灌，然后你对狗屎喷喷
It's a spray can and you spray it on.
- 对- 好了吗？
- Exactly.- Right?
我知道但是什么让它消失的？
Yeah, I know.But what makes it disappear?
没有消失
Things don't just disappear.
我不知道，亲爱的工作原理是什么？
I don't know, honey.How does anything work?
电器怎么工作？反正我认为这是个不错的注意
How does electricity work?I think it's a great idea.
我也这样认为，真是让人兴奋
So do I. I think it's really exciting.
- 你真是顽固不化
- [Tim laughs]- You're nuts.
甜点，大家觉得怎么样？
Dessert, everybody?
- 我是顽固不化，我疯了- 你是疯了！
- I'm nuts. I'm crazy.- You're crazy!
嘿，我有个发明亲爱的，我有个发明
Hey, I have an invention.Honey, I have an invention.
有个按钮，按一下，你就可以长出翅膀飞起来
It's this button you press andyou sprout wings and you can fly.
你可以飞到外太空到月亮上面去，如果你想的话还可以去看丘比特
You can fly into outer space,to the moon, to Jupiter if you like.
[Low chattering]
他干得不错
[Whispering] He's doing so well.
他什么也没有做
[Tim] He's not doing anything.
- 他有台词吗？- 不，没有，他扮演课树
- Does he have any lines?- No, honey, he's a tree.
排演了三个月
Three months of rehearsal.
迪米特洛夫想要知道我是不是想再进一步
Dimitriov wants to knowif I want to take it to the next level.
四千美金你想不想加入我，对半开
Four thousand bucks.You want to go in with me, 50l50?
我祈祷上帝希望你在开玩笑
[Chuckling] I pray to Godyou're kidding.
- 你的发明？- 对
- Your invention?- Yeah.
我们使用干冰我们有惊人的发现
We've been working with dry ice.We've got something amazing.
尼克, 忘了它吧
Nick, forget it.
不，等等，2000块我们的储蓄里面有这么些钱
No, wait a minute. $2,000.We have that in our savings.
谁知道呢？
[Debbie] Who knows?
狗屎是不会凭空消失的
Shit doesn't just disappear.
肯定会跑到哪里去的
It has to go somewhere.
那不是什么发明，只是一个创意而已就像天上掉馅饼的创意一样
And it's not an invention, it's an idea.It's a pie in the sky idea.
我还要告诉你，作为你最好的朋友...
And I'll tell you,as your best friend...
你现在最好回到现实中来
I think you shouldjust pull out right now.
别浪费你的钱了你会后悔的
Don't waste your money.You're gonna regret it.
"天上掉馅饼
"It's pie in the sky."
孩子们呢？怎么了？
- [Screaming]- [Gasping]
Where are the kids?What's happening?
亲爱的？
Honey?
我准备好了香槟酒杯
[Natalie] I have champagne glasses, too.
太好了
[Nick] All right!
怎么了？
What's happening?
好的，我来看看，我会搞定一切的
[Nick] Okay, let me get it for you.I'll do everything.
你就站在那里放松然后等待奇迹发生
You just stay there and just relaxand get ready for the big stuff.
- 我们做到了
- [Nick] We got it.- [Natalie giggling]
- 太兴奋了- 看看这个
- Exciting.- Watch this.
我很高兴你们都来了这是迪米特洛夫
[Nick] I'm so glad you guys are here!This is Dimitriov.
- 这是我大学时代最好的朋友- 你好
- Meet our best friends in the universe.- How do you do?
给蒂姆一个惊喜，大博士
Give Tim the flash, Big D.
好的，看吧
Okay. Here, take it.
护目镜
[Nick] Goggles.
光线对准它，宝贝
Shine it right on her, buddy boy.
"它"?
"Her"?
[Whooping, screaming]
[Cheering continues]
- 你告诉我这不可能，但是我做到了- 你看到了吗!?
- You told me it would work and it did!- [Natalie] Did you see that?!
做到了就像咒语一样
[Nick] It works.It works like a charm.
你们都看到了
Did you guys see that?
拿摄像机来没什么好拍的
[Nick] Get a camera.There's nothing to shoot!
对我的屁股喷两下因为我拉在裤子上了！
Spray some on my buttbecause I shat my pants. Yeah!
我们会发财的，迪米特洛夫！
We are going to be so rich, Dimitriov!
狗屎蒸发！
[Nick] Vapoorize!
天哪，我们会变得非常富有
[Natalie] God, we are goingto be so rich!
不管你家里面有什么狗我们都没问题
No matter what kind of dog you have,let's face it,
那就是它们的职责
they all gotta do their "business."
狗屎蒸发！
Vapoorize!
就是这个!
That's right!
轻轻一喷，问题解决了
[Nick] One spray: Problem solved.
这是不是电脑特技？
Is this some kind of video trick?
不
No.
就是这么神奇一喷轻轻一喷，狗屎消失
It's the miracle spray.One spray and doggy doo disappears.
不用大惊小怪，不用混乱不堪，不用任何工具，不用机械手...
No fuss, no muss, no tools,no robot arm...
"什么工作原理？我也不知道！“
"How do I work it? I don't know!"
- 是不是太好了，不敢相信？- 不是！
- Too good to be true?- No!
狗屎蒸发：因为生活已经足够艰难
Vapoorize: Because life is tough enough.
现在各大商场有售
[Announcer] Now at stores everywhere.
现在各大商场有售
[Announcer] Now at stores everywhere.
(music) [piano, offbeat drumming]
[Cheering]
[Speaking in Spanish]
现在是好时候宣布这个重大消息了
Now's a good timeto break the big news.
我决定竞选国会议员
I have decided to run for Congress.
国会议员
Congress.
是的，我是认真的
No, I'm serious.
当然喽，我的意思是不是大国会是小的
Yeah. I mean, not the big Congress,of course, the little one.
- "小的."- "小的?"
- "The little one."- "The little one?"
对的，实际上就是周参议院我记不清了
Yeah. Actually, it might bethe state senate. I can't remember.
无论如何，我太兴奋了...
Anyway, I'm super excited...
因为我们太幸运了...
because we are so lucky...
我们已经得到太多，太多，太多了
and we have so, so, so much.
我感觉我们应该回馈社会
And I feel likewe should give something back.
所以，我决定去国会
So, I've decidedI'm going to run for Congress
或者是周参议院，或者其他什么的
or state senate or whatever.
我的主要...
And my main platform...
方向就是...
is going to be...
环境保护
the environment.
周参议院
State senate.
环境，就像整个环境？
Environment, like the whole environment?
对。就是整个环境，这正是我要说的
Yeah. I believe in all environmentsand I'm going to say it.
现在是甜点时间了
And now for dessert.
果馅饼！
Flan!
- 果馅饼！噢，孩子们！- 噢！
- Flan! Oh, boy!- Whoo!
- 来吧，孩子们，果馅饼时间到了- 下来吧，来吃果馅饼了
- Come on, kids, flan time!- Get down here, the flan's here!
果馅饼，孩子们，果馅饼！
[Natalie] Flan, kids! Flan!
我喜欢果馅饼，你们呢？
I love flan. Do you?
果馅饼是什么？
What is flan?
我的天阿，这是最高的款待规格
My God, you're in for such a treat.
- 你连果馅饼都不知道？- 吃你的果馅饼，孩子们，果馅饼！
- You don't know flan?- Eat your flan, buddy. Kids, flan!
- 孩子们，果馅饼就在桌子上！- 果馅饼！
- Guys, flan's on the table!- Flan!
果馅饼！果馅饼！
Flan! Flan!
果馅饼！果馅饼！果馅饼！
Flan! Yay, flan! Flan!
果馅饼是什么？
What's flan?
"加斯帕和阿莫斯点亮了闪光灯，照进了洞口
"Jasper and Amosshine the flashlight into the hole.
"鲁伊和格罗切盯着他们，然后捆起来，塞住了他们的嘴巴."
"Staring up at them, tied and gagged,was Louie the Grouch."
很振奋人心，是吗？
It's getting exciting, isn't it?
孩子，那个果馅饼不错
Boy, that flan was good.
我希望我们也有果馅饼
I wish we had flan.
爸爸？
Dad?
Yeah?
为什么我们只有那么小而蹩脚的游泳池
Why are we getting the little,itty-bitty pool?
不是小而蹩脚的游泳池
It's not a little itty-bitty.
方的游泳池就是小而蹩脚的我们现在就要有豌豆形的了
The square one's little itty-bitty.We're getting the bean-shaped model.
一个小而蹩脚的豌豆
A little itty-bitty bean.
不是小而蹩脚的豌豆是个中等大小的豌豆，麦基
It's not a little, itty-bitty bean.It's an average-sized bean, Mikey.
我要告诉你
And I got news for you.
你知道这个世界上有些孩子么走50英里的沙地
There are kids in the worldwho'd walk 50 miles through quicksand
才能放个脚趾到游泳池里面
just to stick a toe in your pool.
我还要告诉你
And I got news for you about beans too.
有些孩子一辈子都要吃豌豆，因为他们没什么别的可吃
Some kids'd eat beans because they'vehad nothing to eat their whole life,
甚至要去啃树皮，树根
but leaves and bark and roots.
我向你保证他们他们这些人连果馅饼听都没听过
And I guarantee you, none of them hasever heard of your big, show-off flan,
更别说天天晚上吃果馅饼了
or flan or whatever you want to call itthat you got to have every night.
两千美元当初只要这么点钱
Two thousand dollars.That's all it would've taken.
- 对的，亲爱的- 爸爸最近心情不好
- It's okay, honey.- Dad's just having a meltdown.
晚安，好好睡
Good night. Sleep tight.
- 我不喜欢英国松饼- 吃你的麦片吧
- I don't like English muffins.- Eat your cereal.
- 我不喜欢英国松饼- 吃你的谷物吧
- I don't like English muffins.- Eat your cereal.
- 试试不一样的早餐- 我喜欢煎饼
- Try different breakfast foods.- I like pancakes.
- 明天我们吃煎饼- 好的
- Tomorrow we'll have pancakes.- Fine.
我不喜欢吃麦片
I don't want any more cereal.
吃吧，否则你就不能和考基玩了，知道吗？
Eat up, otherwise you don'tget to play with Corky, okay?
- 什么？- 没什么
- What?- Nothing.
为什么你总是问“什么”？
Why are you always asking "what"?
- 我不是总是问“什么”- 不，你总是问的
- I'm not always asking "what."- Yes, you are.
对的，爸爸，你是这样的
It's true, Dad, you are.
因为这是有原因的
Well, because I know there's something.
- 因为你知道是什么- 那你怎么总是说“没什么”
- And you know exactly what it is.- Then why do you always say "nothing"?
- 考基!- 带上露拉，亲爱的
- Corky!- [Debbie] Hold Lula's hand, honey.
[Tim groans]
- 考基!
- [Mikey] Corky!- [Nickering]
太漂亮了
So beautiful.
真是匹好马，考基
[Mikey] Such a great horse, Corky.
谁是好孩子？
[Mikey] Who's a good boy?
考基是匹可爱的，听话的马我和孩子们都很喜欢它
Corky's a sweet and gentle horseand me and the kids love him.
考基来的时候
Corky happens to shitthe size of a breadbasket
在院子里面拉的屎有早餐那么大
in our yard every daywhen he comes to visit.
你在干什么？
What are you doing?
没什么，没什么
Nothing. Nothing at all.
我只是把一些没用的发明扔掉
I'm just throwing away some morecompletely useless inventions.
看在上帝份上，戴比，灯泡？灯泡？拜托！
For chrissakes, Debbie, light?Light?! Come on!
拜托！他妈的
Come on! This was shit.
你能想象爱迪生能看得起这样的狗屎蒸发水吗？
You think Edison would've looked upfrom his workbench at some shit spray?
是的，我相信
Yes. Yes, I do.
因为，你想想，好发明就是好发明
Because, you see, a good inventionis a good invention!
我有好消息告诉你，大姐爱迪生才不会看上这个呢
I got news for you, sister.Edison ain't looking up.
大姐，大姐？
Sister. Sister?!
我叫你大姐
I'm calling you sister.
你能成为我的姐妹真是你的幸运
You should be so luckyto be my sister.
她知道她在说什么
She knows what she's talking about.
风语者，或者别的什么名字
Windtalker, or whatever her name is.
- 别这样叫她，是威松- 威松. 我错了. 威松.
- Do not call her that. It's Windsong.- Windsong. My mistake. Windsong.
Knockety, knockety.A-knock, knock, knock.
敲门啦，敲门啦，敲门啦，敲门啦，敲门啦，
Knockety, knockety.A-knock, knock, knock.
你们都在干什么？
How's everybody doing?
真是不错的一天，不是吗？
What a day, right?
我的天那！你能相信咖啡是这么做出来的吗？
My God! Can you believethe coffee that makes?
我知道你会喜欢的我们走吧，粗暴的人
I knew you'd love it.Let's go, tiger.
[Gasping, cooing]
看看，谁来了，可以吗？
Look who's here, will you please?
看看，谁来了，孩子
Look who's here. It's okay, poopie.
你也没有再偷吃苹果？你这个小混蛋？
Have you been stealing apples again,you little rascal?
听着，我要你诚实点考基也没有让你们觉得讨厌？
Listen, and I want you to be honest,has Corky become a nuisance?
- 不- 一点也没有
- No.- Not one bit.
纳塔丽说，把畜栏关上
Natalie says, "Keep the corral closed."
但是考基总是对你家的苹果发狂我不知道该怎么办
But Corky's so crazy about your apples,I don't know what to do.
你不能再吃苹果了不能再吃苹果了...
No more apples for you.No more apples...
我阻止不了它，它喜欢你家的苹果你真的确信没有问题吗？
I can't stop him. He loves your apples.Are you sure he's not a problem?
- 是这样的- 你真是太好了
- Positive.- You guys are so fantastic.
我的好伙计我们去玩玩高尔夫吧
Well, my buddy boy,let's go shoot us some golf.
我的好伙计我们去玩玩高尔夫吧
Well, my buddy boy,let's go shoot us some golf.
我有样东西要给你我马上回来
I got something for you.I'll be right back.
- 尼克, 不了，谢谢- 不，你会喜欢的
- Nick, no. Please.- Yes. You'll love it.
你不用再给我什么东西了
You don't have to get me anything else.
当我如日中天的时候
[Nick] When I hit it big,
每个人都告诉我应该在贝弗利山庄,贝尔.埃尔或者马里布买幢房子
everyone said I should buy a housein Beverly Hills, Bel Air or Malibu.
"你为什么把钱用在山谷里面造幢房子?"
"Why you spending moneyon a mansion in the Valley?"
但是我喜欢我的邻居，喜欢穿过街道去看我最好的朋友
But I love my neighborhood, and beingacross the street from my best friend.
你知道在风中穿梭的感觉吗？这就是我喜欢的
Do you see how it moves in the wind?That's what I love.
这和那些便宜的布料不一样你注意到了吗？
It flaps different than cheaper fabric.Do you notice that?
- 是的- 他让你感觉很舒服
- Yeah.- And it makes you feel better.
好材料让你感觉良好很振奋人心，对吗？
Nice fabric makes you feel better!It's mind-blowing, isn't it?
尼克,你为我们买得够多了
Nick, you buy us too much.
够多了？！你是我最好的朋友好东西可以让生活变得更美好
Too much?! You're my best friend.Nice things make life nicer.
很好，我们再看看打球的姿势
All right, let's take another lookat that follow-through.
我要把头放低点
I want the head down.
很好，尼克y
That is nice, Nicky.
- 是吗？- 很好
- Right?- Very nice.
万能的上帝啊，丁曼先生
God Almighty, Mr. Dingman.
尼克? 我可以和你单独和你谈会儿吗？
Nick? Can I talk to you for a second?
稍微等等
Just take a second.
能不能就我和你一起打高尔夫？
Can't it just be us?You and me playing golf?
这可都是花钱雇的
It's just, this is costing a fortune.
如果没有钱的话我就一无是处了
Cut it out with this money thing.It means nothing to me.
我们还是好好玩吧
Let's just enjoy it.
你为什么不和我们一起去啊？
Why can't you come with us?
因为爸爸要去上班
Because Daddy has to go to work.
希望你们在南西婶婶家过得快乐
You'll have a great timeat Aunt Nancy's.
威松婶婶, 你知道的
Aunt Windsong, and you know that.
记住了，是威松婶婶
It's Aunt Windsong now.
亲爱的，你没必要这样做是的，为什么要这么做？
Honey, you don't have to do this.Really. Why do this?
因为我必须要这么做我们必须要这么做
Because I have to do this.We have to do this.
有些东西已经改变了
Something has to change.
我不能看着你我不能看着街道对面
I can't look at you,I can't look across the street.
我要离开这个地方出去看看
I'm running out of places to look.
明天挖游泳池的人会过来
[Whispering] The pool peoplecome tomorrow.
等等看那，爸爸
[Nathan] Just wait and see this, Dad.
噢！你太棒了
[Whooping]
- 你太棒了- 对！
Whoa! You the man.
- [Nick] You're the man.- Yeah!
[Tires squeal]
(music) [Envy reprise]
嘿，蒂姆，看看这个
Hey, Timmy, check this out!
好！
Yeah!
牙！牙！
Yah! Yah!
[High-pitched whinny]
牙！
Yah!
丁曼先生
[Man] Mr. Dingman!
帕门特先生要见你在11分厂！
Mr. Parmenter wants to see you!Section 11!
你要见我？
You wanted to see me?
你没事吧？
[Shouting] You all right?
什么？
What?
你看起来心烦意乱啊！
[Shouting] You seem distracted!
- 什么？- 过来！
- What?- Come on!
你的表现图标在这以前都很好
[Parmenter] Your performance chart'spretty good until here.
然后你的注意力急转直下变红
And then your focusnosedives into the red.
你看到了吗？
You see?
现在，是不是那个阶段发生了事情...
Now, is there anything that happenedaround here...
你想说说吗？
you might like to talk about?
不
No.
- 你确定？- 是的，不
- You sure?- Yeah. No.
有什么原因吗？
Any reason?
原因？不，我不能想象...
Reason? No, I can't think of...
没有如何理由？
Any reason at all?
不，没有理由，没有我的意思是，我没什么想法
No. No reason. No.I mean, nothing I can think of.
我的意思是...
I mean...
你知道，我们每天都开我那该死的车
you know, other than every dayI get into my little shit-box car
而他在那里微风扶过他的头发...
and there he is,with the wind in his hair...
他骑着白色的骏马
on his great big shiny horse.
而我开车去干什么？去做砂纸
And I drive off to do what?To make sandpaper.
去做有沙子的纸
To make paper with sand on it.
我倒想看看你怎么可以每天欺骗自己要向别人微笑
I'd love to see you try to turn yourweasely little mouth into a fake smile,
日复一日...
day after day after day...
为什么要向你该死的好友挥手
while waving toodly-fucking-doto your best friend,
他像个孤独的巡游者骑着高大的骏马跟在你后面
who's rearing up on a big white horselike he's the Lone Ranger.
然后我再看看你的表现图表
Then I'd like to seeyour performance chart,
你这个目光尖锐的杂种！
you beady-eyedlittle shrimp-boat bastard!
这可以算是理由吗？
[Voice cracks] Is that a reason?
我的意思是，这可以算是理由吗？
I mean, is that a reason?
(music) [Envy reprise]
嗨
Hi.
其实我不喜欢喝酒但是我的家人刚刚离开我
I don't really drink,but my family just left me
而且我又被解雇了，所以我想喝点
and I got fired and I want a drink.
你可以推荐你认为好的酒给我
So, if you could just give me whateveryou'd have if you wanted to drink.
稍等
Please.
残酷
[Man] Harsh.
被抛弃
Abandoned.
炒鱿鱼
Fired.
真是残酷，伙计
It's harsh, man.
知道我以前被解雇过的最好的工作吗？
Know what the best jobI ever got fired from was?
脆饼亭售卖
Pretzel kiosk.
下午换班，我很喜欢不知道为什么，就是喜欢
Afternoon shift. Just loved it,don't know why, just did.
可以穿围裙，谁他妈的知道呢？
Could be the apron, who the hell knows?
或者是因为有人簇拥你的时候的满足感
Or maybe the feeling of power you getwhen there's a crowd.
一手擀面把这些宝贝卷起来
One hand rolls dough,ties those babies off.
另外一直售调苏打水灌芥末，真是不错
The other hand maybe works the soda,refills the mustard. It's quite a thing.
告诉你个秘密
I'll tell you a secret.
如果脆饼做的好的话你根本不需要盐
If a pretzel is a quality pretzel,you don't need salt.
这就是实情
It's just a fact.
干吗过来？
[Man] How come?
你的家人离你远去
Your family upand blew out of town on you?
谢谢你，我真的很高兴现在能和你谈话
Thank you, but I don't really feel liketalking about it right now.
- 谢谢- 好的
- Thank you.- Okay.
你怎么会被解雇的？
So, how come you got canned?
这是完全不同的话题
It's a whole different topic.
我只是吵了一架
I just blew up.
很好，伙计你干得很好
Good for you, man. Good for you.Good for you.
- 和谁？- 我和我的老板吵了一家
- Who at?- I blew up at my boss.
很好，我佩服你
Right on, brother. I hear you.
伙计，我佩服你！
Man, I hear you!
你为了什么骂你老板啊？
What'd you go and blow upat your boss for?
这是各又长又复杂的事情
You know, it's likea long, complicated story.
这非常感人顺便说一下，我是J超人
Well, that is sensational.I'm the J-Man, by the way.
- 蒂姆- 蒂姆
- Tim.- Tim.
埃克
Ike.
再来一份
Another round, please.
给我的朋友蒂姆，来份果味酒
Something fruityfor me and my friend, Tim.
记在J超人账上
On the J-Man.
好的, 蒂姆...
Okay, Tim...
就象过眼云烟一样，别去管它了，伙计
just let it tumble outlike circus freaks, man.
我在这里陪你
I'm here for you.
J超人在这里帮你，好吗？
The J-Man is zeroed in, okay?
说吧
Go.
说吧
Go.
好的，我有个好朋友他是我最好的朋友
Well, I have this friend.He's my best friend.
我喜欢这个家伙我的意思是，我们大家都彼此喜欢...
I love the guy.I mean, it's like we're, you know...
我们的家庭什么事情都一起做
Our families do everything together.
- 以前一起工作- 继续
- Used to go to work together every day.- Keep it coming.
然后他突然有了个愚蠢的主意
And he'd have these stupid...
他有了这个愚蠢的注意
He'd have these stupid ideas.
敞开你的心扉，敞开你的心扉
Open your heart. Open your heart.
从哪里来的灵感？
Where does it come from?
狗屎
Shit.
从狗屎上面来的
It's all from shit.
你知道你是谁吗？你就像...
You know who you are?You're like that guy...
Che, Che something（俚语）
Che, Che something.
- "Che something（俚语）"?- 受人敬仰
- "Che something"?- Up with the people. People power.
或者是孩子偷了一只会生金蛋的鸡
Or the kid that stole a chickenwith the golden eggs.
真是一只神奇的鸡
What a fantastic chicken.
谁是那个巨人？没人？你知道我在说什么吗？
Who's for the giant? Nobody.You hear what I'm saying.
你是英雄
You're the hero.
忘了它吧！你就像罗宾汉一样
Forget Che! You're like Robin Hood.
- 罗宾汉？真的吗？- 听我说
- Robin Hood? Really?- Listen to me.
听我说，生活是不公平的地球就是这样的不公平的星球，杰克
Listen to me. Life's unfair.It's a raw deal planet, Jack.
你，我愚蠢的朋友和普通的人一样
You, my little dumbbell friend,are Mr. Everyman
你连这个也不知道
and you don't even know it, which makesyou like the grand turbo Mr. Everyman.
是真话吗？
Honestly?
拜托
Come on.
你真是个大傻瓜
You're like a great big dimwit.You know that. Fantastic.
普通的笨蛋
Everyman Dimwit.
有个讨厌的家庭在对面，谁都会有你这样的感受
That stinking family across the street.Who wouldn't feel like you?
我喜欢你我很高兴我来的正是时候
I like you.I'm glad I came in here.
你知道这件事情？
You know that?
卷毛！等等我来给你讲个小故事
Ringlets! Give me a break.Let me tell you a little story.
当我大概还是10岁的时候
When I was maybe 10,
我家街对面也有个孩子埃尼“好孩子”
there was this kid across the street,Ernie "Nice Kid."
埃尼拥有一切只有他有BB枪
Ernie had everything.Only kid around with a BB gun, okay?
所以有天晚上，我看到他们一家都出门去了
So one night I seethe whole family drive off.
我后面做了什么呢？我穿过街道偷偷进去了找到了BB枪
What'd I do? I sneak across the streetand find the BB gun.
我扣动扳机对准窗户打了五到十枪
I squeeze off maybe five, ten pot shotsat the windows...
喂，对准我家的房子
Hello. In my house.
- 对准你家?- 对的...
- In your house?- Yes, you got...
你射向了你家的房子?
You squoze off to your house?
你猜对了第二天,我的老爹起来
You got it.Next morning my old man gets up,
看到这些BB枪打出来的洞
sees all these little BB holesin our windows.
他冲向了街对面敲开了大门
He marches across the street,bangs on the door and Tim,
我的头脑简单的朋友
my little bozo friend,
许多年过去了埃尼威尔的许多都改变了
things changed big timeover there in Ernieville.
你就是你必须做的!
That's what you got to do!
- 什么?- 把东西打碎
- What?- Shake things up.
就在那里,伙计把它们打碎
Over there, man.Shake them up.
让他们别光想着游泳池里面的温度
Make them think of something besidesthe temperature in that candy-ass pool.
- 操,现在几点了?- 有什么问题?
- Shit, what time is it?- What kind of question is that?
我现在要回去了他们现在不能造游泳池了
I got to get back!They can't build the pool!
埃克...
Like, cab...
记在J超人帐上.
on the J-Man.
加油!
- [Vanderparks cheering, clapping]- [Natalie] Come on!
打搅!
Excuse me!
[Whooping, laughter]
先生!先生!
Sir! Sir!
请你现在停下来
You have to stop, please.
他们来了
[Natalie] Here they come!
- 噢!- 嗨,妈妈!
- Whoo!- Hi, Mom!
别挖了,我们现在付不起造游泳池的钱了
Digging, no. We can't pay for the pool.
我们现在...我们现在付不起造游泳池的钱了
We don't... we can't pay for the pool.
不,不,停!先生!
No, no. Stop! Sir!No mas!
- 先生,我们会和办公室的人说的
- Sir, I'll talk to the office.- [In Spanish]
下午好,蒂姆先生
Good afternoon, Mr. Tim.
- 嗨- 你看起来真的,真的很棒
- Hi.- You look really, really wonderful.
这里有份礼物是街对面的先生送来的
And here is something fromyour great friends across the street
不巧你家里面的人都不在
while your wonderful family is away.
[Natalie, kids cheering]
"这是从我们刚刚收购的葡萄园里面拿来的."
"Thought you might enjoy a tastefrom our newly acquired vineyard."
(music) [Envy reprise]
你一定要打碎点东西过去,伙计,打碎它们
[J-Man] You got to shake things up.Over there, man. Shake them up.
醒来吧
Carousel of dreams.
考基的家
Casa Corky.
考基的家
Casa Corky.
不可思议
Incredible.
不可思议的围栏
Incredible hedge work.
你要打碎点东西
[J-Man] You got to shake things up.
过去,伙计,打碎它们
Over there, man.Shake them up.
打碎点东西打碎它们
Shake things up.Shake them up.
啊?
[High-pitched whinny, thudding]
Huh?
考基
Corky.
我的天啊,这怎么可能啊?
My God. How is this possible?
这么小支箭怎么可能会把匹马射死啊?
How could a little arrowkill a big horse?
拜托, 考基.考基,拜托,拜托
Come on, Corky.Corky, come on, come on.
就这么小支箭拜托,考基
It's just a little arrow.Come on, Corky.
醒过来,宝贝
Giddy up, boy.
考基. 醒过来,醒过来
Corky. Giddy up. Giddy up.
考基
Corky.
来吧, 考基.
Okay, Corky.
拜托,宝贝,一,二
Come on, boy. One, two.
拜托
Come on.
Shit.
操,天哪
Shit. God.
拜托,考基
Come on, Corky.
[Yelling]
嘿
[J-Man] Hey.
鸡都叫过了
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
车子送回来了服务怎么样啊?
Car return.How's that for service?
如果不是为了这顶帽子我很可能已经在开豪华车了
I'd probably still be driving a limoif it wasn't for the hat.
帽子
Hats.
帽子让我的头生疥疮
Hats make my head itch.
- 几点了?- 你赶时间,对吗?
- What time is it?- You got a time hang-up, don't you?
噢,天哪
Oh, God.
- 看看我- 我也在想一样的事情
- Look at me.- I was thinking the same thing.
你像是只臭猪
You are one big stinking pig, Tim.
- 你怎么拿到我的钥匙的?- 钥匙?
- How'd you get my keys?- Keys?
J超人一般不用钥匙的,我的小笨蛋
The J-Man don't usually need keys,my little dumbbell pal.
那就是你说的地方?
So, that's the place?
看看这些都是从狗屎里面来的?我懂你说的了
Look at it. All from shit?I see what you mean.
我从没有住过这里这个地方让我的勃起
I don't even live here and that placeis pulling my testicles up.
我的意思是,从字面上理解他们确实让我体温上升
I mean, literally,they're actually coming up.
你有过这样的感觉吗?
You ever get that?
我杀了他的马
I killed his horse.
- 什么?- 我杀了他的马
- What?- I killed his horse.
就想你说的那个故事一样...
That story you were tellingabout shaking things up...
我走了过去，拿起一支弓，射了一支箭
I went over there andI shot this bow and arrow,
我对准我家房子射的但是却打倒了他的马
and I shot at my houseand I hit his horse.
他在我的院子里马偷吃苹果
He was eating apples in my yard.
我院子里面有个坑，本来准备挖游泳池的现在我把它埋了
There was a hole because we were goingto have a pool and I buried him in it.
- 很好- 爸爸，我们回来了
- Well, now.- [Lula] Daddy! We're home!
不！
No!
是我的家人
It's my family.
- 藏起来！- 藏起来？
- Hide!- Hide?
藏起来！藏起来
Hide! Hide.
- 藏起来？我们不能立刻消失吗？- 不，别马上消失
- Hide? Can't I just mosey off?- No! Don't mosey off.
不，你不能消失他们会看见你的
No, you can't mosey off.They'll see you!
- 那？- 那？那，你在做什么啊？
- So?- So? So, what are you doing here?
你是谁？你是从酒吧来的人
Who are you?You're some guy from a bar.
那怎么了...?我是J超人，帮你把车开回家
What's wrong with...?I'm the J-Man, bringing your car back.
爸爸！
Daddy!
- 嘿，小老虎！- 爸爸!
- Hey, tiger!- Daddy!
- 嘿，花生- 我们真想你
- Hey, peanut.- We all really missed you.
你看起来太糟了求爱的，有个问题
You look terrible.Honey, one question.
你心里面在想什么？我要问你的是：
What is at the heart of everything?What I'm asking you is:
你的心里的心里的心里的心里是什么？
What is at the heart of the heartof the heart of the heart?
你知道答案是什么吗？是自负
Do you know what the answer is?Self-love.
威松告诉我因为怨恨你而讨厌我自己
Windsong told me that I have beenhating myself for resenting you.
而你因为错过一个好机会而怨恨自己
And you've been resenting yourselffor passing up on a big opportunity.
我们现在要做的就是珍惜我们所拥有的
What we need to dois we need to focus on what we have.
嘿，噢！嘿！
[Screaming]
Hey! Oh, hey!
这是...这个家伙...
This is... This guy...
亲爱的...
Honey...
这是...这个男人,这个男人...
this is...This man is the man...
他在浴室里面阿我没有告诉过你
who was in the bathroom.I didn't tell you.
亲爱的，当你们离开的时候发生了一些不好的事情
Honey... something happenedwhile you were gone, something bad.
什么？
What?
我会把它带过来的，蒂姆
I'll take it from here, Tim.
丁曼太太...
Mrs. Dingman...
我是埃尔莫.卡普, 负责挖掘游泳池
I'm Elmo Carp, pool rep.
你丈夫和我在讨论游泳池的方案
Your husband and I were up herediscussing your swimming pool options.
- 游泳池的方案？- 是的
- Swimming pool options?- Yes.
你看到了，我们已经开挖了我们现在要重新填回去
You see, we dug it,we had to fill it back in.
我很抱歉把栅栏搞坏了我们该从哪里开始
We're sorry as heck.Where do we go from here?
正在这时，你进来了
That's the point we were atwhen you barged in.
我不明白为什么要重新填回去
I don't understand.Fill it back in?
你的意思是说我们不能造游泳池了？
So you mean we're not getting a pool?
不行了，小家伙，我怕不行了有太多管线了
No, sonny boy, I'm afraid not.Too many gosh darn pipes.
- 管线？- 是的
- Pipes?- Yes.
在你院子里面的地下管线
Underground pipes in your yard,
我已经耽误了你们家庭的重逢够久了
but I've intruded enoughon your little family reunion here.
我要回家了
I'll be on my way.
谢谢你，把衣服弄得这么脏
And thanks for filthying upyour clothes,
帮助我填那个大洞，蒂姆
helping me fill in the big hole, Tim.
夫人，你的老公就像从煤矿里面回来一样
Ma'am, your husband'sgot the back of a coal miner.
我以前也做过矿工再见
I know because I've mined coal.See you.
考基出事了
Something's happened to Corky.
- 什么？- 考基?
- What?- [Kids] Corky?
- 你看到过考基吗？- 我没见过
- Have you seen Corky?- I haven't seen Corky.
- 考基不见了？- 你见过考基吗？
- Corky's gone?- Have you seen Corky?
- 我没见过考基- 那就是我的意思
- I have not seen Corky.- That's what I mean.
我们一直在找阿找阿它会到哪里去呢？
We've been looking and looking.Where could he be?
- 一匹骏马，哪里？- 尼克, 一匹马不可能就这样消失啦
- A great big horse, where?- Nick, a horse can't just disappear.
- 它肯定到哪里去了- 对，但是哪里呢？
- He's got to be somewhere.- Yeah, but where?
哪里？哪里？孩子们现在一团糟
Where? Where?The kids are a mess.
希望我有好运
Wish me luck.
考基!
Corky!
考基, 回来吧！
[Nick] Corky, come on!
下午好我的名字是纳塔丽 范得帕克
Good afternoon.My name is Natalie Vanderpark.
我正在竞选贵区的周议员
I'm running for state senatein your district.
所以我想和邻居们好好谈谈
So I thought I'dcanvass the neighborhood
将我自己介绍给大家
and introduce myself to everyone.
是谁啊，梅布尔？
[Man] Who it is, Mable?
是竞选周议员的女人，卡尔
It's that woman runningfor state senate, Carl.
狗屎小姐？没门我们支持肖尼斯
The shit lady? No way.We're going with Shaunessey.
你的竞选对手肖尼斯
Your opponent Shaunessey,
他今天早上在电波里面的问题问得很好
he asked a good questionon the radio this morning.
是什么问题？
And what question was that?
你丈夫是不是可以让狗屎消失？
Well, didn't your husband get loadedmaking turds disappear?
你说的那是我的丈夫发明的狗屎蒸发
My husband invented Vapoorize,if that's what you're referring to.
那就是肖尼斯所说的
That's what Shaunesseywas talking about.
那些狗屎去了哪里？我的意思是，他们肯定到哪里去了
Where do all them turds go?I mean, they got to be somewhere.
它们现在这里然后突然不见了
First they're here,then they're not here,
然后消失了
and then they disappear.
狗屎到哪里去了？真的，现在告诉我
Where does the turd go to?Really, tell me now.
(music) [Envy reprise]
真是久啊，大家
So long, everybody.
- 再见，工作顺利- 再见，爸爸
- Bye, have a good day at work.- Bye, Daddy.
- 再见，亲爱的- 祝你在盐矿有好运，爸爸
- Bye, honey.- Good luck at the salt mines, Dad.
我要去哪里呢？
Where am I going?
等等，蒂姆，等等！
Wait. Timmy, wait!
等等！天啊
Wait! God.
蒂姆my,我找不到他了
Timmy, I can't find him.
我找了一整晚了还是找不到
I've been looking all nightand he's nowhere.
我知道他只是匹马，但是...
I know he's just a horse, but...
考基
Corky.
考基! 你在哪里，我的马宝贝？
Corky! Where are you,my Corky boy?
[Hysterical crying]
上帝啊，看看我真是太不可思议了
God, look at me.This is crazy.
你能帮我在3M里面发发吗？
Will you pass these outdown at 3M for me?
我找到了一些他尾巴上的毛
I found some grooming hairsin his tail brush.
我的天啊
[Wailing] My God.
- 50,000美元?- 小意思
- $50,000?- [Yelling] It's pennies!
小意思，谁会在意呢？考基是我的好伙伴
It's pennies. Who cares?Corky's my pal.
他是我的宝贝，如果你失踪的话我愿意付50，000美元去找你
He's my pal and I'd pay $50,000 tofind you if you were lost, wouldn't I?
- 对- 我一定会的
- Yeah.- Wouldn't I?!
- 好的
- Okay.- [Weeping uncontrollably]
没事，一切都会好的
All right.It's going to be okay.
没事，一切都会好的
All right.It's going to be okay.
(music) [Envy reprise]
你是不是疯了？
Are you insane?
那是我此生中见过的最自私的事情
That is the most selfish thingI ever heard in my life.
那个家伙是你的好朋友你却杀了他最好的伙伴
The guy loves you, man.You'd be killing your best friend.
你杀了他的马，对吗？你杀了他的马
You killed his horse, right?You killed his horse.
你现在要告诉他？你告诉她
Now you want to tell him?You tell him.
你看这样怎么样？我们把马搬到别的地方去
What about this?We move the horse someplace else.
我找到他，然后我拿到奖金我会尽力的
I find it, I get the reward.I'm bending over backwards here.
我们怎么搬动那匹马？
How do we move a horse?
我们把它挖起来，然后把它拖走
We dig him up. We haul him off.
不，我的意思是...不能让任何人看到我们
No, I mean...without anybody seeing us.
晚上怎么样？
You ever hear of night?
那噪音呢？我的家人就在那里
What about the noise?My family's right there.
我不想让他们...
I don't want them to...
你不用搬马，我来
You don't move the horse, I do,
而你和你的家人去享受大自然
while you and your familyare enjoying nature,
去我在河边的小屋
down at my cabin on the lake.
- 你有在河边的小屋？- 什么？
- You have a cabin on the lake?- What?
你以为我没有童年吗？
You think I didn't have a childhood?
双层床，登山打猎，欢叫的猫头鹰
Bunk beds, hiking trails, hooty owls.
你自己可以搬动这匹马？
You can move a horse by yourself?
为了5万美元
For 50 grand.
但是我有些话要告诉你：
But I will say this:
告诉我详情
Knowing what I happen to knowabout things buried,
越快越好
the sooner the better.
- 嘿, 戴比?- 嗯
- [Tim] Hey, Deb?- [Debbie] Mmm-hmm?
你喜欢去湖边的小屋度假吗？
How'd you like to goto a nice cabin on a lake?
- 湖边的小屋？- 对的
- Cabin on a lake?- Yeah.
那个工作的家伙提供了他的小屋据说那里非常棒
This guy at work offered his cabin.It's supposed to be really nice.
- 哪个工人向你提供的？- 杰克阿米尔
- Who at work offered you this?- Jackameyer.
杰克... 杰克 杰克阿米尔
Jack... Jack Jackameyer.
离这里一小时哪里到处是野生动物
[Tim] It's an hour from hereand it has all sorts of wildlife...
还有猫头鹰和树林
and hooty owls and stuff.
登山打猎
[Tim] Hiking trails.
狗屎去了哪里？我们想知道！
[Protestors] Where does the shit go?We want to know!
狗屎去了哪里？我们想知道！
Where does the shit go?We want to know!
狗屎去了哪里？我们想知道！
Where does the shit go?We want to know!
[Chanting continues]
真是不可思议，啊？
Pretty incredible, huh?
噢！小心，很好
Whoa!Watch out. It's okay.
不错的地方
What a spot.
你说“不错的地方”是什么意思？我的意思是...
What do you mean, "what a spot"?I mean, where...
他说就在专用支路的尽头
He said it's just down at the endof the private driveway.
什么专用支路？这不是专用支路
What private driveway?This isn't a private driveway.
是专用支路，亲爱的我的意思是这是专用支路
This is pretty private, honey.I mean, this is great.
谈谈山隐的事情
Talk about secluded.
我们好像已经走了一英里了
We've walked, like, a mile.
不是一英里，因为这里景色太美，实际上我们走的要比感觉上远得多
It's not a mile, honey. It seems longerbecause it's so beautiful.
蒂姆!
Tim!
- 妈妈，爸爸呢？- 我不知道，亲爱的
- [Lula] Mommy, where's Daddy?- I don't know, honey.
- 我渴了- 好
- [Mikey] I'm thirsty.- Okay.
- 蒂姆!- 噢，我找到了！
- [Debbie] Tim!- Whoo! I found it!
有个斜坡有点抖下到...
It's a little sloping inclinedown to the...
[yelling, grunting]
这就是吗？
This is it?
你打赌这就是
[Tim] You bet this is it.
这是...这就是野外，啊，孩子？
This is...This is wild, huh, kids?
就像...就像一个在树丛中的精致装饰品
Kind of like a... Like an oldgingerbread house in the woods.
湖呢？
Where's the lake?
我待会儿告诉你为什么我们要离开那个简易工棚，好吗？
I'll tell you what. Why don'twe check out the bunkhouse, okay?
然后你们就可以比赛一下，谁先找到湖泊，好吗？
And then you guys can have a contest tosee who finds the lake first, all right?
胜利的人可以得到50美分，来吧
Winner gets 50 cents.50 cents. Come on.
我们来看看
Let's check it out.
真是难闻阿
Okay. Weird smell.
屏住呼吸，来吧
Let's hold our noses. Come on.
好了，麦基,进来
It's okay, Mikey, come on in.
- 我的天啊- 好了
[All screaming]
是个小生物...
- My God.- [Tim] It's okay.
别碰它，它死了
Just a little critter. Just...
Don't touch it. He's dead.
无论如何，这就是所谓的湖吗？
Under no circumstancesis this a lake.
也许应该是个水塘
Maybe there's a tide.
没人可以找到湖泊
No one could ever find this lake.
恭喜你你节省了50美分
Congratulations,you saved yourself 50 cents.
[Rustling, footsteps]
[Owl hoots]
那是什么？
[Whispering] What is that?
蒂姆?
Tim?
是的
Yes?
蒂姆?
Tim?
是的
Yes?
你是蒂姆?
You're Tim?
是的，我是蒂姆
Yes, I'm Tim.
J超人说马上过来
The J-Man says, "Come quick."
马上过来？
Come quick?
对，马上过来
Yeah, come quick.
就是这样
That's it.
现在，当你看到J超人的时候你告诉他我们很好
Now, when you see the J-Man,you tell him we're even.
波斯科说“用汽油抬起你的屁股”
And Bosco says,"Up your ass with Mobil gas."
好的
Okay.
你要告诉J超人什么？
What will you tell the J-Man?
我要告诉他波斯科说我们很好
I'm going to tell him that Boscosays we're even
还有用汽油抬起你的屁股
and up your ass with Mobil gas.
汽油
Mobil gas.
杰克的邻居，他需要帮助
It's Jack's neighbor,he needs some help.
邻居？
Neighbor?
对，他叫波斯科，他和杰克一样，是个好人
That's right, Bosco,he's as nice as Jack,
他的车陷住了，我去帮他
but his car's stuckso I'm going to help him, okay?
但我没看见这儿有什么邻居啊
I didn't see any neighbors.
什么，你认为波斯科会撒谎吗?
What? You think Bosco would lie?
波斯科怎么会撒谎呢?我可以马上把他叫回来，如果你觉得有必要的话
Why would Bosco lie?I'll go get him right now if you want.
好
Okay.
- 好?- 对.
- Okay?- Yes.
对，我正想问问他这是个什么破地方
Yes, I'd like to ask himabout this hellhole.
我不想让他进来，他块头很大
I don't want to bring him in.He's big.
- 我担心地板.......- 有多大?
- You know, the floorboards.- How big?
- 多大?- 对
- How big?- Yes.
可大了。他大得像头熊，还长个小脑袋
Big. He's like a bear of a guywith, like, a little head.
我都不知道自己在说些啥
I don't know what that means.
反正我得去帮他
Look, I'm going to go help this guy
如果是威松 的话，肯定会帮他的，对吧?
because Windsong would sureas hell help this guy. Okay?
我很快就回来，你只管你睡觉吧，啊？
I'm going to be back.Just go back to sleep, okay?
[Grunting, gasping]
[Phone rings inside]
- 怎么回事?- 你的电话
- What's wrong?- It's for you.
什么都别问，哥们
Don't hassle me about crumbs, man,
因为我也什么都不知道
because I am onthe edge of the edge.
喂?
Hello?
纳塔丽刚刚从卧室摔门而出
[Nick] Natalie stormed outof the bedroom.
我们吵得很凶。你最好马上过来
We had a terrible fight.You got to come over here now.
我知道你战友在你家
I know you got your Army palover there.
我还真不知道你当过兵如果我能过来的话......
I didn't know you were in the Army.If I can come over...
别，还是我过去吧
No, I'll come there.
- 好，行。谢谢- 不不不，我就过去
- Okay, good. Thanks.- No, no, no. I'll come over.
我过去。我这就来了
[Tim] I'll come there.Here I come.
我得到街对面去一下
I got to go across the streetfor a second.
不行，那是不明智的。跟我来
That is incorrect. Follow me.
这可不是过家家，来，让我告诉你
This was no picnic, let me tell you.
我有一辆88年的福特拖车
I had an '88 Ford flatbed
用一个崭新的绞盘连着
all lined upwith a brand-new winch,
但是真该死，我不小心弄触电了
but I fried it during the hot-wire,goddamn it.
所幸问题不大，要不然我也不可能把它弄出来了
Good thing Monk passed out,or I'd never got this baby.
哇噻
Whoa.
这堆是什么狗屎?究竟是什么?
What in the shit is this?What is it?
绞盘了，升降滑轮了，支撑块还有辘轱之类的玩意
It's winches, hoists, pulleys, blocksand tackles. This kind of thing.
你知道我是怎么想到这个主意的？你知道东边岛上的那些大家伙吧？
You know how I got the idea? You knowthose big things on Easter Island?
- 东边的岛?- 啊?
- Easter Island?- Huh?
东边的岛?
Easter Island?
有了这些家伙，我可以把这匹马放到任何东西上面
With this device, I can place that horseon top of any object.
那辆拖车太高了，你不可能把马弄进去的
That truck's too high.You won't get the horse in there.
你怎么活像是受过特殊训练的超级特工呢，是吧
You're like a specially trainedsuper agent. You know that?
知道我为什么那么叫你吗？我几乎累死
Why do you think I called you?I was so pissed off.
好不容易才爬回你家，还打烂了几个盘子
I nearly climbed back into your houseand smashed some plates.
站着别动，我可警告你啊，别动
Stand warned, okay, stand warned.
听着，我得去那边一会儿，否则你拿不到你的钱
I have to go over there for a minuteor you don't get your money.
- 你想拿到你的钱吧?- 哦，那是当然
- Do you want your money?- Yes.
那就把那马放到我的小面包车上！我的车库里有绳子和油布
Then put that horse on top of my van.There's rope and tarp in the garage.
- 把马放到面包车上?- 对，照我说的做，把马放到面包车上
- Put the horse on the van?- Put the horse on the van.
- 绳子？- 对，记得轻点
- Rope.- Yeah, and be quiet.
很简单，对吧?
It's simple, okay?
- 好吧? 我很快就回来- 好吧
- All right? I'll be right back.- Yeah.
你好，蒂姆先生
Hello, Mr. Tim.
你这会儿看上去很精神
You're looking very sprightlyfor the hour.
我们赶紧上楼吧，这边请
We go up the stairs, please.Right this way.
我从来没来过这儿
I've never been in this part.
他们在为循环赛做准备
They are practicing for the tournament.
来吧!
[Woman] Come on!
太好了!
Yes!
知道你妈的厉害了吧?!
Who's your nanny?!
嘿
Hey.
来
[Nick] Come.
来这边
Come here.
快来这
Right here, come on.
你简直是太好了，你知道吗?你是一个好得令人难以想像的朋友
You're incredible, do you know that?You're an incredible friend.
- 那是什么声音?- 那是隔壁打保龄球的声音
[Loud clanging]
- What the hell was that?- They're bowling next door.
他们在为你的循环赛做准备他们刚打了个全中
Getting ready for your tournament.They're hitting strikes.
- 她一直在向我抱怨考基- 谁?
- She's been blaming me for Corky.- Who?
纳塔丽, 她不停地因为考基责备我，让我很内疚
Natalie, she just kept blaming mefor Corky and making me feel guilty.
然后她又开始了有关狗屎的事
Then she starts up with the shit thing.
我他妈的怎么知道狗屎去哪了?!
How do I know where the shit goes?!
最后我告诉她，“明天我去罗马”，然后她就开始发疯了！
Then I tell her, "I'm going to Rometomorrow," and she freaks out!
她完完全全地疯了!她发了疯似地冲了出去!
She has a complete flip out!She flips out the room!
- 她去哪儿了?- 我不知道啊
- Where'd she go?- I don't know.
- 可能去另一侧了吧
- Some other wing.- [Banging, clanking]
但是，伙计......这意大利的事可是非同小可啊
But, buddy...this Italy thing is huge.
不是和你开玩笑......可能值几个亿啊
It could seriously...It could mean literally billions.
你知道我在想什么吗?我想你得好好睡一觉了
You know what I think this is?I think you just got to get some sleep.
你得放下所有的事来，钻到被子下来
You got to shut everything down.Get under the covers. Come on.
钻到被子下什么都别听
Get under the covers.Don't listen to anything.
- 有时你会觉得你听到了什么......- 你真是我的哥们
- Sometimes you think you hear things...- You're a great friend.
睡一觉，所有的事情都会好起来的别醒过来，知道了?
Sleep and it's going to be differentand don't wake up. Okay?
[J-Man] (music) Valderi
(music) Valdera
(music) Valderi
(music) Valdera ha ha ha...
(music) Valderi
够了吧
Et cetera.
这儿怎么样?就这儿?
What about here? Right here?
你在开玩笑吧? 这附近就有个镇啊
You kidding? There's towns around.
你想让其他人发现我的马吗?
You want somebody elsefinding my horse?
到处都会有小镇的
There'll be towns everywhere.
嘿，我送了六个月的酸奶，知道吗？
Hey, six months I drovea yogurt truck, okay?
这是我的地盘，杰克
This is my territory, Jack.
(music) [man singing Valderi]
车上是什么玩意?
What do you got up there?
沙发
A sofa.
哪有这样的沙发?
What kind of sofa?
自己做的
Homemade.
- 哦，天哪，怎么回事?- 警察
- Oh, my God. What is this?- Troopers.
哦，不
Oh, no.
桥坏了
The bridge is out.
沿河边绕道到下一座桥，明白吗?
Follow the detour along the riverto the next bridge, all right?
非常感谢
Thank you very much.
- 晚安- 走吧
- Have a good night.- Let's go.
他没注意到马
He didn't notice the horse.
警察居然没发现我们车上的马，哈哈
Smokey didn't even noticethat we got a horse on the roof.
-我简直不敢相信他居然没看见-笨警察
- I can't believe he didn't see it.- [J-Man] Dumb Smokey.
- 就这儿怎么样?- 不，不行
- [Tim] How about right here?- No, it's not good.
- 这怎么不行?- 感觉不好
- What's wrong with here?- It doesn't feel right.
我很想快些结束
I hope it's very soon.
我还得回那儿去再迟些他们就熄灯了
I got to be back there.It's going to be light out.
他们都睡着了，根本不会知道你在哪我可都是为了帮你啊
They're asleep and don't know you left.I'm doing you a favor doing this.
这儿呢?这儿又有不对?
How about here?What's wrong with here?
是我把马挖出来，又费劲拉出来的而且这一切都是我策划的
I dig up the horse, I haul it up,I invent everything.
为什么我们总要按照你的意思去做?
Why do we have to dowhat you want to do?
- 考基的新家- 我觉得这儿不好
- Corky's new home.- This is not good for me.
算了吧，就是这儿了行吗?
Forget it. This is it, right here.Okay?
感觉很糟糕
[J-Man] Bad vibe.
哦，不！它丢了！
[Tim] Oh, no! He's gone!
它到底去哪了?!
Where'd he go?!
你听到什么吗?比如砰地一声?
Did you hear anything?Like a thump?
它会在哪呢?
Where did he go?
狗屎!
Shit!
- 你检查过绳结吗?- 绳结? 谁知道什么绳结?
- [Tim] Did you check the knots?- [J-Man] Knots? Who knows knots?
- 你知道，我又不是大力水手
- Not you.- You know, I'm not Popeye.
我们怎么可能没听见? 你怎么连一匹马掉到地下都听不见?
How did we not hear? How do younot hear a horse fall off a car?
或许它根本就没死或许它就那么跑掉了
Maybe he's not dead.Maybe he ran away.
这雨下得这么大那马说不定掉下去
It's raining so hard,the horse might have fallen off
掉到什么沟里漂走了
and floated, who knows, into a ditch.
这条路边就有条河，它可能现在就在里面呢
There's a river that runsalong this road. He could be in it.
考基 很可能往大海的方向去了
Corky could be headingfor the open sea.
- [Cracking]- [Debbie groans]
天哪，亲爱的现在几点了?
My God, honey.What time is it?
没事，继续睡吧
It's okay.Go back to sleep.
哦?
Yeah?
问题解决了吗?
Did you solve the problem?
- 解决了- 真的?
- Yeah.- Yeah?
实际上...
Actually...
我想我是做了
I think I did.
[Tim] (music) Gonna be a brightBright sunshiny day
噢!
Whoo!
(music) Gonna be a brightBright sunshiny day
- 蒂姆! 电话!
[phone rings]
- [Whistling]- [Debbie] Timmy! Telephone!
[Melodic dog bark doorbell]
早上好, 蒂姆先生.
Good morning, Mr. Tim.
我不得不说......
I must say...
你今天早上真是气色绝佳，蒂姆先生
you're looking fit as a fiddlethis morning, Mr. Tim.
谢谢我听说尼克先生想见我
Thanks.I hear Mr. Nick wants to see me.
没错，这我知道
Yes, I know.
他在树林里跑步
He's running in the woods.
我用3M和咱那些老弟兄聊过，知道你被解雇了
I talked to the guys over at 3M.I know you got canned.
你见过佩蒂，对吗?我的私人训练师
You've met Pete, right?My trainer.
在佩蒂边上不用客气我对佩蒂从不见外
Don't feel funny around Pete.I got no secrets from Pete.
- 是吧，佩蒂？- 不错
- Do I, Pete?- I don't think so.
这主意如何：哥们......
So here's the deal:Buddy boy...
我的心肝银马驹
that my little heartyhi-ho Silver routine
把你害成这样我只能说，我是这样一个笨蛋
affected you like that,all I can say is, I am such a jerk.
但那是迄今为止最好的一件事
But it's the best thingthat ever happened,
因为我要去罗马闯荡啦猜猜怎么着？
because now I'll go kick ass in Rome.And guess what?
你，你这无业游民你要和我一起去闯荡
You, you unemployed bum,you'll come kick ass with me.
我想让我们成为合伙人
I want us to be partners.
我想让我们象以前那样平起平坐，哥们
I want us to be equal again, man.
为什么不呢？我是说，真是岂有此理，我已经有个佩蒂了.
Why not? I mean, for crying out loud,I've got a Pete.
为什么你就不能有个佩蒂?当然了，谁会不想有个佩蒂呢?
Why shouldn't you have a Pete?Who wouldn't like having a Pete?
所以这就是我们的交易从现在开始，你和我，五五分成
So this is the deal.From now on, you and me, 50l50.
- 五五分成?- 正是，五五分成
- 50l50?- That's right. 50l50.
我会马上找我的律师真该死，为什么我没早点想到呢？这主意简直是太棒了
I'll talk to my lawyer. Why didn'tI think of it sooner? It's awesome!
快滚吧，我们的大牛车一个半小时后就出发了！
Get the hell out of here,the limo leaves in an hour and a half!
哥们！向前进，哥们！
Buddy boy! Let's go, buddy boy!
好。来吧。现在，加大马力我要来一个心跳冲击波！
All right. Come on. Now, pump it up.I want full cardio blast now.
- 继续- 别那么小器
- Let's go.- Don't be shy.
接招！
There you go.
不，继续！让它加！
No, keep going! Keep it there!
哦，抽筋了
Crampers.
- 你没事吧?- 抽筋了
- You all right?- Crampers.
我不知道，亲爱的你想干吗?
I don't know, honey.Do you want to do this?
我是说，我们真的从此踏入“狗屎”行业？
I mean, do we want to be partof the shit industry?
那所有的面子问题什么办?
What about the heart of the heartof the heart of the heart?
我不认为这两件事有什么冲突啊我的意思是，你知道，那个......
I don't think this conflicts with that.I mean, you know, there's...
那可是一大笔钱，还有面子啊，而且他们两个......
It's a lot of money and the heartof the heart, and they're both...
我们在有钱的同时也仍然保有面子
Still have the heartwith a lot of money.
-我认为，你知道- 你知道我在想什么吗?
- I think. You know.- You know what I think?
我在想我知道我们该怎么做了我们应该试一试
I think I know what we should do.We should just try it.
- 试一试!- 对极了
- Try it!- Yes.
- 试一试- 试一试
- Try it.- Try it.
试一试
Try it.
- 试一试。看看感觉如何- 试一试
- Try it. See how it feels.- Try it.
哦，天哪，我简直不敢相信！
[Both giggling]
Oh, my God, I can't believe it!
- 再见，爸- 我们会想你的
- Bye, Daddy.- We'll miss you.
- 我们已经在想你了- 我很快就会回来的
- We miss you already.- I'll be home soon.
[Continue shouting]
很高兴见到你，机长
Good to see you, captain.
你知道我在想什么吗？我们应该想想动物园
You know what I was thinking?We should target zoos.
谢谢你，Denise。动物园?
Thank you, Denise. Zoos?
对，动物园。我是说，你看动物园里到处都是大便！
Yeah, zoos. I mean, come on,they're full of poop.
我们登机前我刚上网看过
I popped on the Internetjust before we got on the plane.
你知道一头大象有多能拉吗？一天100磅！
Did you know that an elephant goes,like 100 pounds a day?
乘以七，光是一头大象一星期就是700磅的大便啊
Times that by seven, that's 700 poundsof dung a week for one elephant.
全世界总得有几千座动物园吧
There's got to be thousands of zoosin the world.
好主意。动物园
That is really very good. Zoos.
- 我还有一个呐- 怎么说?
- I got another one for you.- [Nick] Yeah?
旅游业我们要打入旅游业
Travel industry.We get into the travel industry.
我想说的是小的随身带的狗屎蒸发
I'm talking about littletravel-size Vapoorize.
你是说，像那种酷酷的小洗发香波瓶？
You mean,like the cute little shampoo bottles?
- 正是- 我的老天，多么简单而完美啊！
- Exactly.- My God, that's so simple and awesome!
你正在旅游你正走在威尼斯的大街上
You're on a trip.You're walking through Venice.
突然，你踩上了一泡大狗屎怎么办？
You step in some dog doo.So, what do you do?
- 你掏出随身便携式的狗屎蒸发- 搞定！
- You take out a travel-size Vapoorize.- That's it!
你在你的皮带上放一个小小的Velcro皮套
A little Velcro holsteryou put on your belt.
紧挨着你的手机，拷机，就是你的狗屎蒸发
Right next to your cell phone,your pager, your Vapoorize.
现在你可以空着手遛狗，再也不用担心狗屎蒸发了
You can walk the dog handsfreeand not worry about the Vapoorize.
我爱皮套！
I love a holster.
- 狗屎蒸发的配件- 等等
- Accessorize with Vapoorize.- Hold on.
等等，接下去由我来
Hold on. Let me take it from here.
(music) You're walkin' along
(music) A-doodley doo
(music) All of a suddenYou stepped in poo!
- 你该怎么办?- 我不知道该怎么办
(music) You don't know what to do
- What do you do?- I don't know what to do.
[Imitates drum]
(music) Vapoorize, Vapoorize
- (music) Mountain-scented Vapoorize- (music) doogah-doogah-doogah Vapoorize
- 什么是doogah?- 我想是打鼓的声音吧
- What is the doogah?- I thought there would be drums.
- 什么是doogah?- 我想是打鼓的声音吧
- What is the doogah?- I thought there would be drums.
(music) [Can't Help Myself plays in Italian]
过来，看看这地方
[Nick] Come on. Look at this place.
去看看你的卧室吧
Go check out your bedroom.
哇噻!
Whoo!
哦
Wow.
[Cheering]
[Gasping]
[Speaks Italian]
[Lambs bleating]
[Nick] Vapoorize.
[Gasping]
[Laughing]
[Vapoorize commercial in Italian]
购物
Shopping.
Gucci.
这儿
Here.
把这玩意放在虫虫帐篷边肯定很不错
[Tim] This'll look great in the yardnext to the bug tent.
绝对。我们要了它了太好了。付他钱
Definitely. We'll take it.It's great. Pay the man.
它和整栋房子都很般配和院子也般配。我是说它发出的声音
[Nick] It makes the whole house.It makes the yard. With the sound.
发出的声音。真是搞笑不过说老实话，那正是我喜欢的地方
With the sound. It's ridiculous,but that's what I love about it.
我喜欢它
I like this.
...道琼指数下降11， 纳斯达克则上升5点5
...with the Dow off 11 andthe NASDAQ up five and a half.
今日的华尔街可谓是波澜不惊
A rather sluggish day on Wall Street.
国际方面，投资者颇为关注范得帕克企业
On the international front, investorsare watching Vanderpark Enterprises.
执行总裁Nicholas 范得帕克和新定合伙人蒂姆 丁曼......
CEO, Nicholas Vanderpark and newlyappointed partner, Tim Dingman...
抵达意大利开始欧洲之行
arrive in Italy to introduce to Europe
他们的粪便清除产品在美国本土已经取得了巨大的成功
their complete line of fecal-removingproduct that's been so successful here.
这一美国品牌有理由被寄予厚望
The American entrepreneurshave reason to be hopeful.
他们所到之处无不欢欣鼓舞，热烈迎候
They were greeted with great enthusiasmeverywhere and fanfare.
稍后，他们将在总统宫殿出席盛宴
Later, they'll be feted at a banquetto be held in the presidential palace.
[Speaking in Italian]
他说，“当我们爬进浴缸的时候”
He says, "I noticedwhen we climbed into the tub
“我们三人的鸡鸡大小和体积都差不多”
"our three penises were quite similarin size and bulk."
[Continues in Italian]
他说，“我对自己说”
He say, "And I thought to myself,
“好，好”
"'Good. Good."'
嫉妒是一件非常奇怪的事
Envy is a funny, funny thing.
[In Italian]
他说，“我还记得当我还只有十几岁的时候，”
He says, "I remember whenI was a teenager,
“我的朋友阿曼多和我在纽约度过一个夏天”
"my friend Armando and I spentthe summer in New York.
“真是一生中的快乐时光啊”
"A sweet time of life."
[In Italian]
总理说
The minister, he says,
“我得告诉你们，我的朋友阿曼多的棍子大得像货车"
"I must tell you, my friend Armandohad a hog like a freight train."
什么棍子
[Interpreter] What a hog.
[In Italian]
他说，”我得告诉你们一个秘密，”
He says,"And I must tell you secretly,
“阿曼多的大如货车的阳具”
"Armando's freight-train-sized manhood
“使我感到很自卑。”
"made me, with a regular-size one,quite miserable."
“当然不是一直如此，至少是有时。”
"Not all the time miserable,of course, but sometimes."
[All laughing]
- [Phone rings]- [In Italian]
[Interpreter] This call has beentransferred to you.
谢谢
Thank you.
喂?
Hello?
超人，狗屁
Turbo Everyman, my ass.
你什么时候突然走运了？我请你喝酒
[J-Man] Where do you get off at?I bought you drinks.
让你去我家度假，而现在你居然过河拆桥？
You vacation in my bungalowand now you go jump ship.
调戏罗宾汉，你在听我说吗？
Screw Robin Hood, you hear me?
调戏我这个大好人你简直是个左派酒鬼
Screw the Merry Men.You're a stinko pinko.
叛徒！
Turncoat!
叛徒先生，听好了，这是我的计划
Here's what I do, Mr. Traitor.
还记得莱斯特吧？我们搬沙发时给我们加油的
Remember Lester? He pumped our gaswhen we moved the sofa.
一颗牙都不剩的老好人
Not a tooth in his head, nice fella.
- 现在想起来了？- 我想起来了，对
- Remember him now?- I do. Yes.
好，5万美元，莱斯特不会知道真相
Good. For $50,000Lester keeps thinking it's a sofa.
我和他也不会把这个秘密
And me and him don't spill the beans
告诉你对面那个自以为是的朋友
to your hoity-toity palacross the street.
清楚了吗：我要拿到5万美元
Let's be very clear on this:I want $50,000...
否则我就告诉你的朋友是你杀了他的马
or I tell your friendyou killed his horse.
戴比？戴比，我回来了
Debbie? Deb, I'm home.
亲爱的，我做了吸脂瘦身了
Sweetheart, I've been liposucked.
你能看出区别吗？能吗？看上去很不错吧？
Can you tell? Can you?Does it look good?
威兹曼医生真是个天才，而且都不觉得痛
Dr. Weitzman is supposed to be a geniusand it didn't even really hurt.
还有哪来这边。我简直是太兴奋了
And that is not all.Come. I am so excited.
这是我为咱俩买的小礼物
Here's a little gift I bought for us.
来自五五分成的小惊喜
[Debbie] A little 50l50 surprise.
- 我那国际大搭档- 戴比bie
- My big international partner.- Debbie.
- 我们就在这洗衣房干吧- 孩子哪?!
- Let's do it on the laundry.- Where are the kids?!
在妈妈那，亲爱的，这儿只有你和我
At Mother's, honey. It's just us.
快过来躺到这热乎乎的衣服上，都是干净的刚从烘干机里出来的
Come lie on the warm pile.It's all clean out of the dryer.
我会......会和你躺下的，但我得先告诉你一些重要的事情
I will lie with youafter I tell you something important.
我喝醉了误杀了考基我把它埋在游泳池的坑里了
I got drunk and by mistake killed Corky.I buried him in the swimming pool hole.
那个游泳池家伙他实际上是我在酒吧里刚认识的混蛋
The pool guy,he's actually some bum I met at a bar.
尼克？它究竟去哪了？
[Natalie] Nick? Where does it go?
- 什么去哪了？- 狗屎！
- [Nick] What?- [Natalie] The shit.
- 狗屎去哪了?- 上边
- Where does the shit go?- [Nick] Up.
“上边”这解释不够你得想出更好的答案
Up is not good enough.You'll have to do better than up.
- 上边......外面- 哪个外面?!
- [Nick] Up... and out.- [Natalie] Out where?!
上边和外面。外面。上边和外面
[Nick] Up and out. Out. Up and out.
- 上边和外面?- 上边和外面
- [Natalie] Up and out?- [Nick] Up and out.
现在那混蛋想要5万美元，否则他就告诉尼克
The bum wants $50,000or he'll tell Nick.
- 那我们就没办法富起来了
- Then we won't get a chance to be rich.- [Timer buzzes]
哦，我的天哪
[Teary] Oh, my God.
好好好
Yes!
去付给那混蛋钱
Go and pay the bum.
- 现在就去-去付给那混蛋钱？！
- Go pay the bum now.- Go pay the bum?!
- 亲爱的，我爱你- 我也爱你
- Honey, I love you.- I love you too.
- 再见- 哦！
- Bye.- Oh!
怎么了？
What?
你不了解这哥们他不像其他人，他是个......
You don't know this guy.He's not like other people, he's...
如果我们付他钱他还要，那该怎么办？
What if we pay himand then he wants more?
那我们就再给他
Then we will give him more.
他要是还要呢？！
What if he wants more again?!
他要多少我们就给他多少，因为我们会有足够的钱付给他
We'll give him more money becausewe'll have enough money to give him.
但他不会满足的，他会缠我们一辈子的
But it'll never end with him.He'll be in our lives forever.
蒂姆，如果他告诉了尼克，游戏就结束了！
Tim, if he tells Nick,it'll all be over.
你说，我们还能做啥？
You know, what else can we do?
我们坦白吧
We fess up.
- 坦白？- 对
- Fess up?- Yeah.
对。好好好，我们坦白我们坦白。我们告诉尼克
Yeah. No, no, no. We fess up.We fess up. We tell Nick.
我们去请求他的原谅
We go and ask for forgiveness.
- 原谅？- 对
- Forgiveness?- Yes.
- 亲爱的，你杀了他的马！- 我这就告诉他一切真相
- Honey, you killed his horse!- I'm telling him everything.
别，亲爱的，别请别这样对我
No, sweetheart! Please.Please don't do it to me.
我喜欢车库里的车它的坐垫能加热啊
I love my car in the garage.It's got heated seats.
我还买了鞋子，买了包
And I've got shoes. I've got bags.
- 有人来了- 还有鞋
- [Nick] Knock, knock.- Clothes.
哦，天哪，对不起
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
瞧瞧你俩
Look at you two.
上帝啊，我真羡慕你们俩！你最好去和纳塔丽谈谈
God, I'm so envious of you!You've got to give Natalie a talk.
她把自己锁在厕所里啦我多想象你们一样啊
She's locked herself in the bathroomand I want what you have so bad!
- 我想要！- 好
- I want some of that!- Okay.
什么都别说，一个字都别说，行吗？
[Whispering] Shh! Don't say a word.Not a word. Not a word. Okay?
无论我去哪，他们都叫，“狗屎去哪了？”
[Natalie] Everywhere I go,they yell, "Where does the shit go?"
我们也不知道啊！如果我的竞选对手真的是对的怎么办？
And we don't know!What if my opponent's right?
- 如果我们真的造成污染了哪该怎么办？- 纳塔丽......
- What if we are polluting?- [Debbie] Natalie...
你之所以这么痛苦是因为你自己的过错
the only thing this guy Shaunessey'sgot going for him is your own guilt.
你的过错就是你的富有
Guilt that you're wealthy.
你应该知道，我们现在是搭档了，我们也有钱了
You know what, we're partners nowand we have money too.
你知道我们准备怎么化我们的钱吗？
You know what we'll do with ours?
我们要为你资助一个这个镇有史以来最大的集会
We're going to sponsor the biggest rallyfor you that this town has ever seen.
在这个集会上，我们会挑战大众：
[Debbie] Then we'll throw outthis challenge:
我们会说如果任何人有任何证据说狗屎蒸发对任何东西有害的话
We'll say that if anyone can saythat Vapoorize does damage to anything,
纳塔丽 范得帕克就放弃竞选
then Natalie Vanderpark will ceaseto be a candidate.
我能建议大家换上舞鞋吗？
May I suggestwe put on our dancing shoes?
亲爱的！我爱你
[Debbie squeals]
[Nick] Honey! I love you.
飞行如何？还舒服吧？
[J-Man] So how was the flight?Was it enjoyable?
很好。很顺利一切都很好
Yeah, it was fine. It was very smooth.Everything went fine.
我得告诉你我们会付你钱，知道？
Here's what I got to tell you.We'll pay you the money, okay?
我们已经准备好了
We got it all worked out.
真是个动人的消息我的小吉普赛流浪朋友
That is sensational news,my little gypsy roving friend.
但是我重新考虑了一下关于那5万美元的提议
But I've revised my thinkingabout the $50,000 grand thing.
我觉得我不能接受这笔钱我是说，我们是什么啊，禽兽？
I can't accept that.I mean, what are we, animals?
- 什么？不，我们不是禽兽- 不，当然不是了
- What? No, we're not animals.- No, of course not.
我们其实是朋友你在我的床铺上睡觉
What we are is pals.You slept in my bunk.
我吃了你一些饼干我们还在大雨中唱歌
I ate some of your crackers.We sang in the rain.
(music) Valderi
(music) Valdera
(music) Valderi
好好
(music) Valdera ha ha ha...
Okay.
- 不错，我记得- 那时候我们就是朋友了
(music) My knapsack on my back
上个星期？对，我记得
- Yes, I remember.- That's when we were buddies.
所以，我想说的是，滚他妈的赤裸裸的金钱交易吧
Last week? Yeah. I remember.
So, what I'm saying is to hellwith the flat cash payout.
我说还是让我们成为搭档吧
I say let's be partners.
- 搭档？- 为什么不呢？
- Partners?- Why not?
- 等等，等等，你说的“搭档”是什么意思？- 你，我......
- What do you mean "partners"?- You, me...
还有你那所谓的朋友组成一个安逸的三人同盟
your other so-called friendin a cozy little triumvirate.
我的用词还不错吧？
Am I using the word correctly?
听我说。我们根本不是什么搭档，明白吗？我们怎么可能成为搭档呢？
Listen to me. We're not partners, okay?How can we be partners?
迟些等我过去我们再制定详细的步骤
We'll iron out the detailswhen I come over later.
- 别！- 今天晚上。不过我可不敢肯定什么时候
- No.- This evening. Who knows exactly when.
- 你千万别过来- 我肯定来
- You're not coming over here.- Yes.
而且别担心，我的哥们搭档我会把棘手的地方都搞定的
And don't you worry, buddy partner.I'll smooth out the rough parts.
- 你想谈谈吗？你在哪儿？- 我就过来了
- You want to talk? Where are you?- I'm coming over.
- 你别过来- 别担心，我说哥们
- You're not coming over.- Don't you worry, buddy roll.
我们就要开始另一番伟业了。再见
We'll put pen to paper. Bye-bye.
- 听我说- 再见
- Listen to me.- Bye-bye.
没有什么棘手的地方需要你摆平......什么？喂？
There are no rough parts to smooth...What? Hello?
[Dial tone]
哦，天哪
Oh, God.
好，我得告诉尼克了我这就去告诉他
All right. I got to tell Nick.I'm just going to tell him.
(music) [up-tempo salsa music]
[Nick and Natalie whooping]
快过来，亲爱的先从你的的屁股开始
Come on, honey.Start with your hips.
来吧！
[Natalie] Come on.
哦!
[Nick] Whoo!
范得帕克先生！范得帕克先生！
[Nanny] Mr. Vanderpark!Mr. Vanderpark!
范得帕克先生！范得帕克先生！
[Nanny] Mr. Vanderpark!Mr. Vanderpark!
- 快乐转盘又自动开始了
- The merry-go-round is acting up again.- [Nellie crying]
我恨那玩意儿。我恨它！
[Music halts]
I hate that thing. I hate it.
蒂姆my, 很抱歉，我们得先处理它
Timmy, I'm sorry,we got to deal with it.
尼克，我必须要告诉你我做了一些十分愚蠢的事
(music) [sped-up music]
[Tim] Nick, I gotta talk to you.I did something really stupid.
你都不会相信这是真的真的是愚蠢透顶，荒谬透顶
You won't believe what happened.The stupidest, most ridiculous thing.
你老婆真是令人难以置信
That wife of yours was incredible.
但是我要告诉你一件事我不介意我们赚了多少钱，但千万别买这玩意
But I don't care how much moneywe make, don't buy one of these.
绝对的垃圾它总是莫名其妙自己就转起来了
It's junk.It just keeps speeding up for no reason.
- 尼克，我得和你谈谈- 而且该死的开关在最里面！你会相信吗？
- Nick, I got to talk to you.- And the onloff button's in the middle!
- 我做了件可怕的事- 开关在最中间！
- [Tim] I did a horrible thing.- [Nick] The thing's in the middle.
- 准备，好，走- 尼克！
- Here goes. All right, come on.- Nick!
[Yelling]
- 尼克!
- [Nick yells]- Nick!
[Moaning]
[Terrified cries]
- 抓牢了！- 我坚持不住了！
- Hang on!- I can't hold on much longer!
[Screaming]
- [Thudding]- [Gasping]
- 尼克，你怎么样了？- 我的肋骨
- Nick, are you okay?- Ribs.
哦，不不不，我还好
[Grimacing] Yeah. No, I'm fine.
天杀的......
Goddamned...
混蛋，狗娘养的快乐转盘愚蠢的快乐转盘！
Bastard, bitch merry-go-round.Stupid merry-go-round!
- 我得和你谈谈- 愚蠢，臭狗屎，愚蠢的东西
- I got to talk to you.- Stupid, crappy, stupid thing.
我已经内疚了好久了
I've been feeling guiltyfor a long time.
- 这怎么可能关掉呢？- 我做了件愚蠢之极的事
- It's impossible to turn it off.- I did something really stupid.
- 我恨你，快乐转盘- 开关在哪？
- I hate you, merry-go-round.- Where's the switch?
在最中间没办法关掉的
It's in the middle of the thing.It's impossible to turn off.
- 按钮在哪？- 在中间
- Where's the button?- In the middle.
我去关掉它，然后我们好好谈一谈
I'll turn it off, then we'll talk.
我能做到
I'll get it.
- 哦!- 哦!
[Screaming]
哦！哦！蒂姆my.
- Whoa!- [Screaming] Ow!
Oh! Oh! Timmy.
哥们，你还行吧？来，我帮你起来
Man, are you all right?Let me help you up there.
来，哥们，起来来吧，哥们。行了
Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy.Come on, buddy. All right.
- 没事吧？啊？- 没事
- You okay? Yeah?- Yeah.
你肯定被撞得岔过气了吧你从那里面飞了出来
It knocked the wind out of you.You went flying off of that thing.
现在听着。我不想让这垃圾毁了我们的快乐时光
Now, listen. I don't want to let thisruin our jolly feeling.
我们回去商量那激动人心的集会
Let's go back in thereand talk about this fantastic rally.
- 不，尼克你看见这张弓和这箭了吗？- 看见了
- No, Nick. You see this bow and arrow?- Yeah.
- 一天晚上......- 啊？
- [Tim] One night...- Yeah?
一天晚上......
One night...
说起来我实在是羞愧难当但是有一天晚上......
I'm so ashamed of this.But one night...
- [explosion]- [Screaming]
- 哦，天哪！- 我，老天爷！
- Oh, my God!- Oh, man!
- 我告诉过你这绝对是垃圾！- 所幸我们不在上面
- I told you it was a piece of junk!- I'm glad we weren't on it.
- 什么？- 我很庆幸我们不在上面！
- What?- I'm glad we weren't on it.
- 我听不见。你的耳朵嗡嗡响吗？- 没有啊
- I can't hear. Are your ears ringing?- No.
啊，我的耳朵响得厉害你在说什么，我的好朋友？
Boy, mine are. What was ityou were saying, my fine friend?
我说有一天晚上我喝醉了。听到了？
What I was saying is that one nightI got drunk. All right?
实际上醉不醉酒都没多大关系实在是难以解释
Being drunk had nothing to do with it.I can't even explain it.
等等，你知道吗？我认为就一只耳朵响
Wait, you know what?I'm thinking it's just one ear.
我这样转过来就听得比较清楚。继续说吧
I hear you way betterwhen I turn like this. Talk to me.
那天晚上我喝醉之后我就拿起弓箭瞄向我家
That night I got drunk andI was aiming this arrow at my house.
不对，是两只耳朵你在干吗？
No, it's both ears.What are you doing?
我想告诉你事情的真相
I'm trying to tell you.
我拉开弓，瞄向我的房子，把箭射了出去！
I pulled it back, I aimed at the house,I did this.
尼克, 娜莎和Nellie想让你亲亲他们的伤口
[Natalie] Nick, Nathan and Nelliewant you to kiss their boo-boos.
等等，我听到了。我来了！
Wait, I heard that. I'm coming!
那可是不明智的举动
That was not a smart thing to do.
- 我知道！- 走吧
- I know!- Come on.
不，尼克！我得告诉你......
No, Nick!I got to tell...
[groaning in distance]
哦，狗屎！哦，哦，什么？！
Oh, shit!
- 蒂姆，亲爱的- 什么?!
- [Debbie] Timmy, honey!- What?!
你在哪儿？
Where are you?
蒂姆。亲爱的，我学会了窍门绝对在臀部
Timmy. Honey, I got it.Definitely in the hips.
蒂姆my，你去哪儿了？
Timmy, where have you been?
- 我把那混蛋给杀了- 什么？
- I killed the bum.- What?
那混蛋。我射了一支箭
The bum. I shot an arrow.
它飞上去，掉下来射中了那混蛋，我杀了他！
It went up, it went down.It's in the bum. I killed him.
过来。过来
Come. Come.
- 你和他谈妥了吗？- 没有！他死了
- Did you work out a deal with him?- No! He's dead.
在他背上。那支箭我射中他。我杀了他！
It's in his back. The arrow.I shot him. I killed him.
我杀了人了！
I killed a person!
什么？开什么玩笑？你的玩笑有时一点都不好笑
What? Is this a joke?I don't get your jokes sometimes.
而且明白告诉你：我不认为只有我一个人这么想
And I'll tell you something:I don't think it's always me.
- 快！过来！- 亲爱的！
- Hurry up! Come on!- Honey!
- 快。进屋- 放开我。住手！你在干什么？
- Hurry. Get in the house.- Let it go. Stop! What are you doing?
等等！他有可能在屋里
Wait! He could be in the house.
- 没人在里面！天哪- 车！他受伤了！他会发疯的！
- There's nobody there! God.- Car! He's wounded! He's crazy!
- 亲爱的，这真的很傻- 进去！进去！
- Honey, this is really insane.- Get in! Get in!
[Heavy breathing, moaning]
打扰一下
Excuse me.
只要半秒钟你能告诉我......
This'll take half a second.Could you tell me...
我背上是什么东西，啊？
what's sticking in my back, please?
- 箭- 愚蠢之至
- Arrow.- Fricking nitwit.
听着，我被一个天才的疯子跟踪，明白吗？
Look, I'm being stalkedby a genuine madman, okay?
我的意思是这儿有一股暗黑势力
I'm talking about a black force here.
我也不想破坏你们的气氛
I hate spoiling the atmosphere,
你能帮我把箭拔出来吗？
but would you mindtugging the arrow out?
我让你停车。亲爱的，现在就把车停下来！
I want you to stop the car.Honey, stop the car right now!
- 听着。那家伙会发疯的- 根本就没有什么死人！
- Look. The guy's crazy.- There is no dead man!
他是一尊上了膛的大炮
He's a loose cannon.
- 打扰一下
- Excuse me.- [All screaming]
哦，天哪，真有一个插着箭的混蛋
Oh, my God, there is a bumwith an arrow.
他看上去很怕我们
He looks afraid of us.
你听说过“触及天空”吗？
You ever hear of "reach for the sky"?
你没有任何警告就射中一个人的后背
You just shoot a guy in the backwith no warning.
对
That's right.
对没错，是我干的
That's correct.That's right. That's what I do.
那么，万能的主啊
Well, then, good God almighty,
我们实际上是进入了一个黑暗的日子
we have entered, indeed,into a dark day.
你得告诉他我们是伙伴
You got to talk to him.We were pals.
有人用弓箭射他伙伴的后背的吗？
Who shoots a pal in the backwith a bow and arrow?
- 就为了几快臭钱！- 我
- Over a couple of bucks.- Me.
我是一个射手我就得射箭
I'm an archer and I shoot arrows.
而且我还有很多箭。在我的箭袋里
And I got more backwhere they came from. My quiver.
听着我不过是想要你想要的东西而已
Listen to me.I just wanted what you wanted.
想尝尝幸福生活的滋味
A little taste of the good life.
些许甜蜜的滋味这难道有什么不对吗？啊？
A little taste of honey.Is that so bad? Is it?
不管怎么说，你赢了
But you win.
哥们，我放弃了。我看见了：贪婪正在使你的心肠变硬
Man, I fold. I can see it:Greed has hardened your heart.
金钱正在毒害你的灵魂！
And money's poisoned your soul.
我马上离开这儿
I'm out of here.
没有什么比大笔的钱更危险的了
There's nothing as dangerousas large quantities of money.
那就是为什么我总让自己保持不被合同束缚，总是打打零工
That's why I've always remained anindependent contractor, an odd job man.
我不想这样
I want no part of this.
我站在你面前，乞求你：把我背上的箭拔出来
I stand before you, begging:Take the arrow out of my back.
你再也不会见到我
You will never see me again.
帮帮我吧，上帝！来吧
Help me, God! Come on.
- 亲爱的......
- [J-Man sobs]- Honey...
把他背上的箭拔出来
take the arrow out of his back.
[J-Man whimpering]
- [J-Man grimaces]- [Wincing]
谢谢你
Thank you.
- 谢谢你- 纪念品
- [Panting] Thank you.- Souvenir.
(music) [Envy reprise]
- 嘿！- 嘿
- Hey!- Hey.
我睡不着我得和你谈谈
I couldn't sleep.I got to talk to you.
啊，我也正想和你谈谈
Yeah, I got to talk to you too.
你知道，明天的大集会我会毁了它的
You know, this big rally tomorrow,I'm a wreck about it.
我得做一个大演讲而我根本就不适合演讲
I got to give a big speech.I'm not a speech guy.
你开玩笑吗？得了吧，你做了那么多商业广告片
Are you kidding?Come on, those infomercials you did.
你在大众面前表现很好啊
You're great in front of people.
真的？你认为我很好？你以前可从来没提过啊
Really? You thought I was good?You never said a word about it.
因为那正是你另外一件让我感觉痛苦的事
Because it was just another thingof yours that made me miserable.
什么？
What?
今天我得好好和你谈谈这件事坐下
This is what I have to talkto you about. Sit down.
我杀了考基
I killed Corky.
你......
You...
什么时候？
[softly] When?
求你了，在我没说完之前什么都别说，好吗？
Now, please, just don't say anythingtill I'm done, all right?
你还记得你给我酒的那一天吧？
The day that you gave me the wine,remember?
我喝醉了
I got drunk on the wine.
实际上在这之前我已经喝多了我走到你的花园......
I actually was drunk from before.I went into your yard and...
这就是事情的全部经过你现在应该了解了
So that's it.There you have it.
是这样，你知道，这听上去像是一次意外事故
Well, you know, it sounds likeit was an accident.
-你为什么不告诉我？- 我本该早告诉你的
- Why didn't you tell me?- I should've told you.
确实如此但我自己也不知道怎么回事
That's the thing.But I don't know what happened.
我觉得内疚或其他什么
I felt guilty or something.
我对你拥有的一切如此嫉妒以至我整个人都被嫉妒包围了
And I was just so wrapped up in the envythat I felt for everything you had.
他们所说的都是真的
It's true what they say.
嫉妒就像是一个绿色的小魔鬼毒害了我的头脑
It's like a little green monster thatcomes out and it just poisoned my head.
而且，随便提一下，你什么都没做错
And, by the way, you did nothing wrong.
你实现了你的梦想你做到了你想做的
You followed your dream.You did what you wanted to do.
我总是说，“别那样做。”而你做了而且成功了
I was always saying, "Don't do it."You did it and it worked.
看，你造了一栋楼，对吧？那都是你做的，造了一栋楼
Look, you built a house, right?That's all you did. You built a house.
我是说，那是一栋大楼我的意思是，那的确是一栋很大的楼
I mean, it's a big house.I mean, it's a really big house.
是一栋很大的楼那是......我是说，那是......
It's a large house.It's a... I mean, it's...
巨大的楼，尼克那简直就是白宫
It's gigantic, Nick.It's the White House.
你在这儿建了栋白宫而我们则在它的阴影里
You built the White House here,and we're in the shadow of it.
严格地说，是每天下午４点，我们在它的阴影里
Literally, every day at 4:00,we're in its shadow.
那不是你的错你仍然想和我做朋友
That's not your fault.You wanted to be friends still,
你不想搬走，我也喜欢那样
you didn't want to moveand I love that.
你的本意多好啊但是......
It was coming from such a good place,but it was...
我终于受不了了因为每天我都得看着你
It really got to me because every dayI'd have to look at you,
看着你的所有东西
and see you with all of this stuff.
你知道，黄色的一小时能跑５００英里的跑车
You know, buy the yellow Lamborghinithat goes 500 miles an hour.
紧靠着卧室的保龄球道如果我也能做到，我会去做
Have a bowling alley next to your room.If I could do it, I would.
每个人都应该有快乐转盘当然你也应该有
Everybody should have a merry-go-round.Of course you should.
嫉妒，每天的嫉妒它慢慢地把我撕得粉碎
Jealousy, every day.And it was just chewing me up.
你的孩子弹钢琴我的孩子敲垃圾桶
Your kid's playing the concert piano,my kid's banging trash cans.
这一切都和钱无关
And that has nothing to do with money.
那只是他的音乐才能那完全是两码事
That's just his musical ability.That's a whole other thing.
你什么都给我们你给啊给，你真是太大方了
You just gave to us. You gaveand you gave and you're so generous.
而我又能给你什么呢？
And what am I going to give you?
去年圣诞节我送给你高筒袜那行不通啊
I gave you tube socks for Christmaslast year. That's not going to work.
- 我喜欢那双袜- 你给了我们太多东西
- I like the socks.- You gave us so much.
那咖啡机。多漂亮的咖啡机大得象火箭
The coffee machine. It's a beautiful,giant rocketship-sized coffee machine.
戴比真的喜欢那咖啡我告诉你，我从来都没尝过
Debbie loved the coffee. I'll tell yousomething, I never tasted it.
我现在要告诉你这件事
I wanted to tell you that.
我以前甚至不能告诉你我没尝过那咖啡I
I can't even tell youI haven't tried the coffee.
好像如果我不喝你的咖啡我就会觉得好过些
Like I'll feel betterif I don't drink your coffee.
你还给我的孩子们乳酪有时我儿子突然说：
And you gave our kids flan.All of a sudden my son's going,
“爸，乳酪在哪？”
"Daddy, where's the flan?"
每次他要乳酪我就觉得好像有把刀在扎我的胸口
It felt like a dagger in my heartevery time he'd request flan.
它让我觉得那样地渺小
It made me feel little.
我觉得自己是个不喜欢乳酪的小矮人
I felt like a little manwho didn't like flan.
那马多好啊，尼克.当然你应该有匹马
The horse was great, Nick.Of course you should have a horse.
难道它一定要是匹白马，让你骑着它飞奔
Does it have to be a white horsethat you come galloping up on,
嘶鸣，以及种种举动吗？
and it neighsand makes the whole thing?
当然。它是一匹漂亮的马，但是坦白地说，它不喜欢我
Of course. Make it a beautiful horsethat I think, honestly, didn't like me.
这和任何其他事情都无关我就是和它合不来
It had nothing to do with anything,I never clicked with it.
我想那马能够感觉到什么我想“马的感应”是真实存在的
I think the horse sensed something.I think "horse sense" is a real thing.
因为那马有感觉他一走近就能感觉到我的嫉妒
Because the horse had a feeling.He came over and sensed the envy I felt.
他会过来吃苹果他会看着我，给我一个奇怪的眼神
He'd come over and eat the apples.He'd see me and give me a weird look.
我告诉你。你知道有时那半张脸和一只眼睛对着你是什么感觉吗？
I'm telling you. You know how sometimesthe side of a face and you get one eye?
它会一直用那只眼睛看着你而且我知道它在想着东西
He would keep the eye on meand I knew he was thinking something.
这些都和那支箭没有关系那的确是次意外事故
That's unrelated to what happenedwith the arrow. That was an accident.
我对上帝发誓。我对上帝发誓！如果让我故意去做我绝对做不出来的
I swear to God. I swear to God.I couldn't do it if I tried.
我很抱歉我感觉很糟糕。我感觉很坏
I'm sorry about this.I feel horrible. I feel bad.
我感觉我根本不配拥有这院子里的喷泉
I feel like I have this fountainin my yard that I don't deserve.
我根本不配做你的搭档
I don't deserve to be your partner.
我甚至不配做你的朋友我只是......
I don't deserve to be your friend.I just...
嘿，你知道吗，蒂姆？你犯了个错误
Well, you know what, Tim?You made a mistake.
但你是人啊每个人都会犯错的
You're human.Everyone makes mistakes.
那又怎么样，哥们？你还是我的最好的朋友
So what, man?You're still my best friend.
- 真的吗？- 当然
- Really?- Of course.
当然啦。来来来，哥们
Of course. Come on, man.
那是个大错误
It was a big mistake.
那确实是个大错误明显的大错误
It was a big mistake.It was a doozy.
[Whispering] Corky.
- 我很抱歉，尼克- 不，不。没事
- I'm sorry, Nick.- No, no. It's okay.
我知道你有多么地爱它而我......
I know how muchyou loved him and I...
我确实爱它
[sighing deeply] I did love Corky.
我从来都没喜欢过它
I never liked Corky.
我是说，它外表确实很漂亮只是有些东西不......
I mean, he's beautiful on the outside.It's just something wasn't...
我们还是搭档
We're still partners.
你别想脱离我们的搭档关系
There is no way you are getting outof this partnership.
- 知道了？- 知道了
- Okay.- Okay?
那明天在大集会上见
And I will see you tomorrowat the big rally.
- 好- 好极了
[Sighing]
- Yeah.- Good.
重要的日子
[Nick] Big day.
重要的日子
Big day.
可怜的考基一支小小的箭
Poor Corky.One little target arrow.
你没想到那能杀死一匹大马吧
You wouldn't think that could killa great big horse.
我也正是那么想的
That's exactly what I thought.
那么小的一支箭而且当我射中那混蛋的时候
It's one little arrowand when I shot the bum...
他甚至都没有感觉到
he hardly seemed to notice.
知道吗？那喷泉还是放在罗马的时候好看
You know, that fountainlooked a lot better in Rome.
- 对
- Yeah.- Well...
正如罗马人所说，“那就是生活”
C'est la vie, as the Romans say.
在这美丽的，干净的一天
[Natalie] On this beautiful, clear day,
我认为我们有必要出来澄清一个事实
I think it is appropriatethat we clear the air
有人肆意诬蔑说我的丈夫，还有我自己
of the toxic distortions thatmy husband and, by association, myself,
在我们试图净化环境的过程中反而对环境造成了污染
are somehow poisoning our environmentin our efforts to purify it.
这根本就是不对的。纯属子虚乌有
It's not true. No es verdad.
女士们先生们......
[Natalie] Ladies and gentlemen...
让我们一起来欢迎尼克 范得帕克和蒂姆 丁曼
please help me welcomeNick Vanderpark and Tim Dingman.
[Cheering, applause]
[Shouts of protest]
谢谢
Thank you.
女士们先生们，年轻人们
Ladies and gentlemen, young people.
我和我的搭档，蒂姆 丁曼一起站在这里......
I stand here with my partner,Tim Dingman...
没错
[light applause]
That's right.
......很高兴有这个机会来回答
...grateful for this opportunityto address the central question
你们牌子上多姿多彩的中心问题
posed in so many colorfuland eloquent variations.
狗屎去哪了?!
[Nick] Where is the shit?!
[Applause]
老天啊。尼克，尼克！
[Natalie] My God. Nick. Nick!
考基？
Corky?
范得帕克先生和太太，很抱歉我们得做一个尸检
[Woman] Mr. And Mrs. Vanderpark,sorry we had to perform an autopsy,
但是如果有任何大型动物的尸体出现在公众场合
but when any large dead animalcomes in proximity with the public
出于健康原因，我们必须检查
it must be examined immediatelyfor health reasons.
我有些好奇你们是不是喂了它很多苹果？
I'm a little curious. Did you feedyour horse a lot of apples?
我们的邻居有棵苹果树考基很喜欢吃他们的苹果
Our neighbors have an apple tree.Corky loved their apples.
- 那它是否在他们的院子里排泄过？- 我想是的
- Did he ever defecate in their yard?- I imagine.
你能告诉我当马在你院子里排泄的时候你是怎么处理的吗？
Can you tell me what you didwhen the horse defecated in your yard?
我们用狗屎蒸发，因为它是尼克发明的
We used Vapoorizebecause Nick invented it.
我们有好几箱狗屎蒸发，都是免费的
We get crates of it for free.
哦.....
Well...
那就对了
It's all making sense.
马是被毒死的
The horse was poisoned.
我们确实在马的胸骨发现了一截断箭
We did find a broken shaft ofa small target arrow in the sternum,
但那不是马致死的原因
but that played no partin the horse's death.
马是死于长期的吸入某种化学物质
The horse died from the prolongedingesting of a certain chemical,
这种化学物质本身并没有害处但是一旦接触到排泄物中的某些细菌
which by itself is harmless, but whencombined with certain fecal bacteria
它就变成了致命的毒药
becomes a lethal poison.
一个小人？
A little person?
致命的毒药！
Lethal poison.
这种化学物质在你所谓的神奇发明里每瓶都有
That chemical is the ingredient in everycan of your so-called miracle invention.
它吸入了足够可以杀死一匹马的剂量
He had enough of it literallyto kill a horse.
我有责任，当然，把这件事报告给EPA
I am obligated, of course,to report this to the EPA.
EPA?（人名）
EPA?
对
Mmm-hmm.
环境保护局？
Environmental Protection Agency?
你一定要那么做吗？对，应该的
Do you have to do that?Right. You have to.
- 没事的- 从没例外吗？
[Sobbing]
- It's all right.- Every time without exception?
下一件拍品，一张足够9个人睡得很舒服的床
[Auctioneer] The next item, an extralarge bed that sleeps nine comfortably,
起拍价，啊，就算100美元吧
for, let's say, $100.
超大床，够9人睡的100美元应该有人要吧
XL bed, sleeping nine.Got to love it for $100.
这尊手拿喷洒罐的骑士雕像，72美元
$ 72 for this white statue of a manon a horse with a spray can.
72美元，有人要吗？没有？
$ 72, anyone? No?
有人需要无绳电话吗？每人都需要的吧
Anybody need a portable phone?Everyone needs one.
你可以在你的厨房放一个，在你的偏房放一个
You want one in your kitchen,in your extra bedroom.
在这你就可以得到一个无绳电话起价5美元
You got a portable phone right there.It's going to go for $5.
下一件第31号拍卖品
The next thing is item 31.
我喜欢这虫虫帐篷咱干吗不问问估价呢？
I like this bug net. Why don't wefind out the estimated cost?
哦，两瓶“半个美食家”乳酪
Oh, we've got two casesof a semi-gourmet flan.
估计是乳蛋糕之类的玩意吧
I believe that's some sort ofcustard dish or something.
“半个美食家”乳酪起拍价4美元
The semi-gourmet flanis going to start the bidding at $4.
- 尼克？- 啊
- Nick?- Yeah.
我有个主意
I think I have an idea.
- 真的？- 真的。是那种真正的好主意
- Yeah?- Yeah. Like a really big idea.
真的吗？
Really?
当你上次想到那个主意时，你是不是马上就感觉到了？
When you got your idea,did you feel it immediately?
哦，对极了。马上就感觉到了
Oh, yeah. Right away.
你想到的是这种主意？就像是我的那些主意？
You got one of those?Like one of my ideas?
- 我觉得是- 快说？
- I think so.- What is it?
妙！
Yes!
嘿，嘿！别拍了！
Hey. Hey! Stop the auction!
你不可能在边开车边吃乳酪
You just cannot eat flanand drive at the same time.
看，乳酪撒得浑身都是
Look, I've got flan all over me.
难道就没人想出一个好主意吗？！
Can't somebody come upwith a better idea?!
- 我们想到了
- [Tim] We have.- [Applause]
没错！
That's right!
成为我们当中的一员吧，来尝尝席卷全国的味觉轰动吧
Be one of the millions enjoying thetaste sensation sweeping the nation.
尼克谈论的是口袋乳酪！
Nick's talking about Pocket Flan!
口袋乳酪！
[Nick] Pocket Flan!
- 不用勺子，不会到处撒！- 对极了！
- No spoon, no mess!- That's right.
乡亲们，简单的三步
Three simple steps, folks.
- 弹！- 弹！
- Just flip it!- Flip it!
- 挤！- 挤！
- Squeeze it!- Squeeze it!
嗯.
Mmm.
- 享受吧- 享受！
- And enjoy.- Enjoy!
等等，蒂姆叫什么来着？
Wait a second, Tim.What was that name again?
口袋乳酪！
Pocket Flan!
它是不是很奇妙？
Isn't that just fantastic?
不，尼克，它不是很奇妙（ fantastic）它是flan-tastic
No, Nick, it's not fantastic.It's flan-tastic.
好极了，但是，蒂姆，尼克，我有一个问题
[Audience laughs]
Yeah, but, Tim, Nick, I have a question.
我们这些乳糖不消化的人该怎么办？
How about uswho are lactose-intolerant?
别担心，我们有新出的大豆制品的口袋乳酪！
We've got a new soy-based Pocket Flan.
(music) [Envy reprise]
这是管装的乳酪
It's flan in a tube.
每个管子里装的都是“小幸福”
It's a little bit of happinessin a tube.
比如说我在跑步
Let's say I'm jogging.
我跑累了，需要补充些能量我该怎么办？来块糖棒？
I'm getting tired, I need a pick-me-up.What am I going to do, get a candy bar?
想想看你在跑步时吃这玩意儿
Imagine if you're joggingwith some of this stuff.
怎么样？行不通的
What's going on?It's not going to work.
还有一个问题你在吃你的乳酪，你想：
Here's the other thing.You're eating your flan, you're like:
好
"That's good.
“我想吃下面的褐色的超级甜”
"I want to get down therewhere it's brown and super-sugary."
去哪了......? 不行......而我们的已经混好了
Where do you...? I can't...In here we've mixed it up.
你吃就得了，它是预先混合的
You've got all that. It's pre-mixed.
褐色糖总是在里面虽然你看不见
The brown is always part of it.Even if you don't see it.
在环法自行车赛中，选手们一天要骑20英里往山上骑哦
In the Tour de France, they're going20 miles a day, going up mountains.
你想想当他们想吃点东西的时候，他们从斯班得克斯比基尼短裤里掏出来的
What do you think they pull outof their Spandex bikini bottom
挤进嘴里的是什么？
to squeeze into their mouthwhen they want to eat?
- 口袋乳酪！- 有一个问题来了
- Pocket Flan!- And here's another question.
如果我在跳伞的时候我想：
What if I'm doingsome skydiving and I'm like:
“我要一些......我要一些玉米片”
"I got to get some...I'm going to get some cornflakes.
“可我没有时间吃玉米片不过我有时间吃口袋乳酪”
"I don't have time for cornflakes.I do have time for flan."
对极了我很高兴看到......
[Tim] That's right.I'd love to see this...
这是经过真空测试的
This has been vacuum-tested
如果你在200英尺的深度潜水绝无问题
to a depth of 200 feetif you're scuba diving.
前几天我在街上看见一个小孩
Just the other day I seethis kid walking down the street.
- 他拿着一个口袋乳酪，就这样- 哦
- He has the Pocket Flan. Right?- Right.
他一挤...... 他在滑板上他这么一挤......
He squeezes it... he's on a skateboard.He squeezes it...
划出一道弧线。他就这样......噗，然后......
It arcs up. He goes like... and...
那像是新的滑板花样技巧啊
That's like a new skateboard trick.
这儿有人喜欢开车吗？你们喜欢开车吗？Yeah!
Who here likes to drive?You guys like to drive? Yeah.
这儿有人喜欢开赛车吗？有吗？好吧
Who here likes to drive race cars?Anybody? All right.
我是队长斯必得威
I'm Captain Speedway,
在时速200英里的时候没有什么比口袋乳酪更美味的了
and nothing tastes better at 200 milesper hour than Pocket Flan.
消防员。“我得去救人。可能我还需要些额外的东西。”
Firemen. "I got to go save someone.Maybe I need a little extra something."
“那我的水管放哪啊？我没办法同时拿着水管和这玩意。”
"Where am I gonna put my hose?I can't hold the hose and this thing.
- “水管去哪了？”
- [Nick laughing]- "Where's the hose go?
“我把水管夹在胳膊下去灭火？！”
"I put a hose under my armand then I fight the fire."
这是真人真事
This is on a serious note.
最近我们收到一封信，是位名叫Gladys的女士......
Recently we received a letterfrom a woman, Gladys, who...
告诉我们，口袋乳酪救了她的命
well, Pocket Flan saved her life.
- 哦
- All right.- [Applause]
她喜欢远足她有一次被困在森林里......
She was a backpacker.She was stuck out in the woods...
最后，是上帝，口袋乳酪......
and, by God, Pocket Flan...
实在想不到
[laughing] I can't think of it.
我想说些感人的故事，但是我实在想不到
I wanted to say some tearful thing,but I couldn't think of a thing.
[Audience clapping]