Though many know the tragic love story
of Antony and Cleopatra the tragic love story
the wayward Roman general the tragic love story
who fell madly in love with the enchanting Egyptian queen
both of them taking their lives with the enchanting Egyptian queen
rather than face a world without each other
few know the secret story without each other
of the most sought-after prize and unsolved puzzle of their time.
The mystery of Cleopatra's third egg. and unsolved puzzle of their time.
On their wedding day and unsolved puzzle of their time.
Mark Antony presented Cleopatra with three bejeweled eggs
each one more exquisite than the last. with three bejeweled eggs
For centuries with three bejeweled eggs
But then with three bejeweled eggs
just outside of Cairo with three bejeweled eggs
Some say the third egg was never found. with three bejeweled eggs
Others claim it was discovered with three bejeweled eggs
but just as quickly lost with three bejeweled eggs
Join us as we explore that very question. with three bejeweled eggs
What happened to Cleopatra's lost egg? with three bejeweled eggs
Who may hold it in their possession? with three bejeweled eggs
And most importantly with three bejeweled eggs
all three eggs are reunited for the first time in over 2
Cleopatra's first egg is on display for all to see
at the world-famous Museo Nazionale di Castel Sant'Angelo in Rome.
The second egg has been sold at auction numerous times
and currently is held in a private collection.
You're not a cop. in a private collection.
You're right in a private collection.
You know what I mean in a private collection.
So no American cowboy stuff. in a private collection.
Don't worry. Left my chaps at home. in a private collection.
You sure about this? in a private collection.
I know how he thinks. He's gonna do it today. Trust me.
All right He's gonna do it today. Trust me.
- Impossible. - I'm not asking.
You need to shut the museum down - I'm not asking.
and seal all ingress and egress points immediately.
And Interpol has the authority to compel me to do so?
Don't test me to compel me to do so?
You should listen to her. to compel me to do so?
And who are you? Her bodyguard? to compel me to do so?
This is Special Agent John Hartley of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit.
He's a consulting profiler who specializes in art crime.
You don't look like a profiler. who specializes in art crime.
Yeah who specializes in art crime.
Forty-one hours ago who specializes in art crime.
the most wanted art thief in the world who specializes in art crime.
intends to steal the Egg of Cleopatra today.
Who provided you this information? the Egg of Cleopatra today.
The Bishop. the Egg of Cleopatra today.
You cannot be serious. the Egg of Cleopatra today.
My dear the Egg of Cleopatra today.
It's a catch-all concept. It's someone to blame
when you and your friends in law enforcement
are too incompetent to solve the case. in law enforcement
Listen to me in law enforcement
In fact in law enforcement
Already gone in law enforcement
Now in law enforcement
Do you have thermal sensors in this room? in law enforcement
- Of course we do. - Show it to me.
You're wasting our time. - Show it to me.
What - Show it to me.
Well - Show it to me.
And gold reflects radiation. - Show it to me.
That egg should be reflecting the heat in this room.
It should be red reflecting the heat in this room.
It's probably just an error in the thermal sensor.
Well in the thermal sensor.
Hey in the thermal sensor.
Thank you. in the thermal sensor.
No in the thermal sensor.
Relax in the thermal sensor.
Seal the room. Now! in the thermal sensor.
Move! Move! in the thermal sensor.
He's heading for the exit. in the thermal sensor.
Oh. in the thermal sensor.
Freeze! in the thermal sensor.
He is here. Send reinforcements.
He's on the scaffolding. Send reinforcements.
We're gonna need more-- Send reinforcements.
- Whoa. Whoa Send reinforcements.
Jesus Send reinforcements.
I know you. You're the¡­ You're the slow bald guy that's been chasing me.
What do you got in the bag? bald guy that's been chasing me.
You're American. What brings you to Rome? bald guy that's been chasing me.
Gelato bald guy that's been chasing me.
- Oh bald guy that's been chasing me.
- First time? - Yep.
That was a fun foot chase - Yep.
Who knew it'd end up like this? - Yep.
- I did. - Right.
Fun's over - Right.
put your hands behind your back. You're under arrest.
Okay. Well You're under arrest.
Okay. Um¡­ You're under arrest.
First question You're under arrest.
It's a statement piece. You're under arrest.
Somewhere there is a very nude cow whispering¡­
¡­"Worth it." whispering¡­
And number two whispering¡­
You know whispering¡­
But you don't happen to have whispering¡­
tucked away in the turtleneck whispering¡­
I don't need to show you my badge because I've got a gun.
Here's the thing. You're putting me in a pickle.
Without identification You're putting me in a pickle.
For all I know You're putting me in a pickle.
and I could be the other bad guy. You're putting me in a pickle.
You're right. I am the bad guy. You're putting me in a pickle.
Now shut up and give me the bag before I shoot you in the mouth.
- I'm gonna give this to you. - Good.
Yeah - Good.
For the record - Good.
Booth - Good.
Whoa! - Good.
Come on - Good.
What the hell? - Good.
Where are you going? - Good.
Asshole! - Good.
Can you hold on to this for me? - Good.
- Thanks. - Good.
What the hell? You idiot! Are you blind?
Nice place you got here. You idiot! Are you blind?
Special Agent John Hartley You idiot! Are you blind?
Aren't you a little outside your jurisdiction?
I am. your jurisdiction?
Good thing these guys aren't. your jurisdiction?
Wow! your jurisdiction?
Hi your jurisdiction?
You sure you brought enough guns? your jurisdiction?
What can I say? I like to be thorough. your jurisdiction?
No way your jurisdiction?
- The intrepid Inspector Das. your jurisdiction?
I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I'll take that. Thank you.
- It's nice to meet a fan. - Oh
You wanna know what else is cute? - Oh
Because you're wanted in 18 separate countries
I get to choose which one of them detains you until trial
given your escape history. detains you until trial
What are you detains you until trial
Yeah. One more and I get a Shawshank jacket.
Keep making your jokes and I get a Shawshank jacket.
because I'm about to send you to the worst place in the world.
Your Instagram account? to the worst place in the world.
You know to the worst place in the world.
Oh to the worst place in the world.
Not like me? You don't even know me. to the worst place in the world.
We could have a lot in common. to the worst place in the world.
Maybe I don't know you to the worst place in the world.
ever since you stole William Strang's Lady with a Red Hat from the Tate
back in 2014. Lady with a Red Hat from the Tate
You can't prove that was me. Lady with a Red Hat from the Tate
I got that on Etsy. Lady with a Red Hat from the Tate
I've been tracking your scores for a while.
So let me take a crack at who I think you really are.
Sure thing. Yeah. at who I think you really are.
- Only child. - Mmm-hmm.
Dad's a Swiss cop - Mmm-hmm.
You started stealing between the ages of six and eight.
You found out you had a real talent for it.
It made you feel special you had a real talent for it.
You like to work alone. You don't like a team.
The only jobs you take are the ones that make the big
which tells me that you only do it for the thrill and not the money.
Are you insane? I love the money. for the thrill and not the money.
I'm not done yet. I'm just getting to the good part.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
A lot of thieves out there who claim to only do it for the money.
That's not unusual. who claim to only do it for the money.
But what is unusual is the risk that you take.
The chances. is the risk that you take.
It's as though you wanna get caught so you can escape
What are you talking about? All's fair in love and eggs.
I'm talking about my twist ending. All's fair in love and eggs.
You know the 300 million you guys got on the eggs
before you double-crossed the billionaire? you guys got on the eggs
Nice touch you guys got on the eggs
Anyhow you guys got on the eggs
and I tipped her off about that secure Cayman Island account
you stashed it in. that secure Cayman Island account
just to prove yourself all over again so you can escape
and prove that you're better than everybody else
and that you're worthy. you're better than everybody else
Worthy of what? This speech? you're better than everybody else
Your father's love. you're better than everybody else
Congratulations. you're better than everybody else
How'd you find me? you're better than everybody else
Well you're better than everybody else
The Bishop. you're better than everybody else
Get him ready to move. you're better than everybody else
Booth you're better than everybody else
How does it feel to be sold out by the most wanted art thief in the world?
I'm the most wanted art thief in the world.
You were. in the world.
Wait. Wait here. in the world.
There's no chance I'm putting that thing in the same van as him.
- See you at the airfield. - I'll see you there.
Door open. - I'll see you there.
All right. We're good. - I'll see you there.
Thank you. - I'll see you there.
Hi - I'll see you there.
- You leaving town? - Flight's in an hour.
Something up? - Flight's in an hour.
You could say that. Hmm. - Flight's in an hour.
Okay. What's going on? - Flight's in an hour.
Funny - Flight's in an hour.
What are you doing with that? - Flight's in an hour.
Oh - Flight's in an hour.
Oops! - Flight's in an hour.
Booth gave us a fake egg. - Flight's in an hour.
I'll admit - Flight's in an hour.
Then I asked myself - Flight's in an hour.
you only met 72 hours ago?" - Flight's in an hour.
And someone whose official credentials - Flight's in an hour.
came solely by a written interagency communiqu¨¦.
So I called up the Assistant Director of the BAU at Quantico
She'd never heard of you. of the BAU at Quantico
- That's impossible. - Is it?
Yes - Is it?
As impossible as a John Hartley with a Swiss bank account
that received an $8 million wire transfer with a Swiss bank account
from an encrypted third-party on the same day the egg was stolen?
Quite a coincidence on the same day the egg was stolen?
We have eyes on target. on the same day the egg was stolen?
Listen on the same day the egg was stolen?
Someone's behind this. The Bishop
- I'm being set up. - Maybe you are
Until I figure it out - Maybe you are
Now - Maybe you are
well - Maybe you are
So I picked someplace extra special. - Maybe you are
It's a bit of a black site. Kind of the land due process forgot.
You're under arrest Kind of the land due process forgot.
Das Kind of the land due process forgot.
I didn't do this. Kind of the land due process forgot.
I don't believe you. Kind of the land due process forgot.
You a top or a bottom? Kind of the land due process forgot.
Doesn't matter. Prison's gonna decide for us.
You gotta be shittin' me. Prison's gonna decide for us.
Well Prison's gonna decide for us.
she's got a real sense of humor. Prison's gonna decide for us.
Put 'er there Prison's gonna decide for us.
You're right Prison's gonna decide for us.
It's okay. You're safe here. Prison's gonna decide for us.
Except if they find out you're a cop. Then they're gonna wanna kill you.
Bishop must have seen you coming from a mile away.
Got your trust after selling me out. coming from a mile away.
Can't run a con without gaining the mark's trust first
I know how a confidence scheme works the mark's trust first
Well the mark's trust first
The same mystery thief who ratted me out is the same one who framed you.
That seems like a coincidence is the same one who framed you.
This is not a coincidence. This is a plan. is the same one who framed you.
In one move is the same one who framed you.
- Two birds is the same one who framed you.
- What? - Two birds
It's kind of a lay-up. Even Post Malone gets it.
This is farm-to-table Even Post Malone gets it.
I don't understand why. Even Post Malone gets it.
Why would The Bishop go to the trouble of framing me when she already has the egg?
I mean framing me when she already has the egg?
Three hundred million dollars? framing me when she already has the egg?
You're kidding. I never heard of a price tag like that.
No one has. I never heard of a price tag like that.
But you don't understand I never heard of a price tag like that.
Here's the deal. I never heard of a price tag like that.
Whoever brings this Egyptian billionaire all three eggs
by the night of his daughter's wedding gets all the marbles.
Turns out gets all the marbles.
guess what her name is? gets all the marbles.
Stop guessing gets all the marbles.
I mean gets all the marbles.
So how does that work? gets all the marbles.
No one knows where the third egg is. It's never been found.
I'm not gonna lie It's never been found.
I was gonna deal with the second egg first.
Then the rest. the second egg first.
All right the second egg first.
is owned by an international arms dealer. the second egg first.
Sotto Voce. I know all about this guy. the second egg first.
His dad tried to strangle him when he was 14.
Nobody can stand this son of a bitch.
Apparently this son of a bitch.
And strangling folks became sort of a hobby for him.
He's a big fan. became sort of a hobby for him.
Sotto Voce is super scary. became sort of a hobby for him.
But he's not above having a good time. became sort of a hobby for him.
Throws a masquerade party every year for his top buyers
in his I-probably-have-a-tiny-penis villa in Valencia.
Gunrunners are a little touchy about their identity.
So the Eyes Wide Shut thing takes the edge off for everyone.
Now takes the edge off for everyone.
is that upstairs takes the edge off for everyone.
Dr. Shirtless has in his possession takes the edge off for everyone.
an ancient piece of pricelessness that I like to call¡­
Cleopatra's second egg. that I like to call¡­
And it's just begging for me to steal it. that I like to call¡­
I'd be on my way there right now if you weren't such a super cop.
- Don't do that. - What?
- Don't do that. - Do what?
- I know what you're doing. Listen. - I'm not doing anything.
These guys here - I'm not doing anything.
This is a room full of convicted murderers and toilet vodka enthusiasts.
We gotta make sure they know you're not a cop.
- Nyet politsiya. - Listen to me. I beg¡­
Guys? Nyet politsiya. Not a cop. - Listen to me. I beg¡­
This man is not a cop - Listen to me. I beg¡­
Get that through your thick skulls right now!
He's a profiler for the FBI your thick skulls right now!
which does fall under the umbrella of law enforcement
It's similar of law enforcement
This is our good friend of law enforcement
Let's give him a warm welcome to the prison
Thank you to the prison
All's quiet on the western front. to the prison
- Nobody's¡­ Oh to the prison
Yep. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
Okay Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
Hello Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
Politsiya. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
You die. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
Okay Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
He knows you're a cop. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
The jig is up. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
It's okay. Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
You can¡­ Drago Grande heard. Here he comes.
You can have mine. You need some nourishment.
You should get up. You look like a little bitch right now.
I say that as a friend. You look like a little bitch right now.
Okay You look like a little bitch right now.
I don't wanna do the whole prison fight thing with you¡­
- You got this. I'm in your corner. - So please
Let's just go back and finish our meals. - So please
- No. No-- - Back to your cell!
God¡­ - Back to your cell!
All that working out. - Back to your cell!
You still get your ass spanked by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Okay. Okay. by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
If you ever pull shit like that again by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Right. by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
- You don't know me by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
You have no idea what I'm capable of. by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Okay. Thank God by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
The captain wants to see you. by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Let's go! by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Him? by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Oh by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Hello by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Oh by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
Wow. by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
You're the captain? by a toothless man with tuberculosis--
You might benefit from a little career change.
I mean from a little career change.
but definitely regional catalog work
She's The Bishop. regional catalog work
No shit regional catalog work
It's so nice to finally meet you regional catalog work
Such a thrill to be face-to-face regional catalog work
with the second-best art thief in the world.
Oh in the world.
Yeah in the world.
But you can't name one time in the past year that you beat me.
- Helsinki. - My parachute failed.
Jakarta. - My parachute failed.
- My Segway sank. - Macau.
Nobody knew that Miley Cyrus was going to be there.
It was a completely unannounced show. was going to be there.
You can have excuses or results. was going to be there.
- Not both. was going to be there.
What are we doing here? What do you want? was going to be there.
To have a chat. was going to be there.
First of all was going to be there.
please accept my sincerest apologies for the whole mix-up in Rome.
You see for the whole mix-up in Rome.
I then made an $8 million deposit into an account registered in your name.
Then into an account registered in your name.
A few clever keystrokes and a well-timed call intercept.
FBI BAU Director's office. and a well-timed call intercept.
And poof. and a well-timed call intercept.
Bye-bye and a well-timed call intercept.
Hello and a well-timed call intercept.
Funny and a well-timed call intercept.
Shut up. You deleted my life. and a well-timed call intercept.
And now I'm stuck in a cell with this idiot.
Well with this idiot.
At the risk of stating the obvious with this idiot.
I have the first egg in my possession with this idiot.
and in less than 48 hours with this idiot.
But that leaves an issue. The final egg. with this idiot.
Well with this idiot.
He didn't tell you? with this idiot.
You didn't tell him? with this idiot.
- Didn't tell me what? - I don't know what she's talking about.
Your cellmate here knows exactly where the third egg is.
She's lying. I do not know where the third egg is. I swear to God.
I know where the third egg is. I swear to God.
Yes I swear to God.
When were you gonna tell me about the third egg?
I was never gonna tell you about the third egg because you're a cop.
My offer to you about the third egg because you're a cop.
Tell me where the third egg is about the third egg because you're a cop.
Rock-hard pass. about the third egg because you're a cop.
I'm sorry we couldn't do business. about the third egg because you're a cop.
Well about the third egg because you're a cop.
with the prospect of thousands more to come
will help change your mind. of thousands more to come
I'll stop by once I have the second egg. of thousands more to come
Oh of thousands more to come
Thank you of thousands more to come
Bye. Don't miss me too much. of thousands more to come
Ta-ta! of thousands more to come
Oh of thousands more to come
If we work together to catch her of thousands more to come
I can do things to The Bishop you can't do.
There's no need to be disgusting. to The Bishop you can't do.
Here we go. Three to The Bishop you can't do.
I mean put her in prison. For life. to The Bishop you can't do.
When that happens to The Bishop you can't do.
Teamwork? It feels weird in my mouth. to The Bishop you can't do.
Are you carrying your side? to The Bishop you can't do.
- I'm offended you'd even ask me that. to The Bishop you can't do.
- Do something. It's slipping. - Oh
See? Teamwork. - Oh
Team. Team. Team. It feels weird in my mouth.
It does. It feels weird in my mouth.
Say what you will about Russian prisons It feels weird in my mouth.
- Are we doing this together or not? - No added chemicals or perfumes.
It's just pure good ol' fashioned glycerin.
- Ooh. Smell it. - I'm not gonna smell it.
Sotto Voce's masquerade ball is tomorrow night
which means is tomorrow night
we have to be on the other side of these walls by tomorrow morning.
I already know how I'm gonna steal it. of these walls by tomorrow morning.
It'll take adjustment now The Bishop'll be there
"I"? What about "we"? be there
Why are you wearing the hairnet? You're bald.
Okay You're bald.
Thanks. Clock's tickin'. We gotta get outta here. What's the plan?
I'm working on it. We gotta get outta here. What's the plan?
You're working on it? You sound like you're working on it.
They say the most important part of any plan is a good night's sleep.
Isn't the actual plan part the most important part of the plan?
A lotta people make that mistake. the most important part of the plan?
Back in Bali the most important part of the plan?
about me and my father the most important part of the plan?
I hate to break it to you the most important part of the plan?
The one thing that doesn't quite line up for me is
how the son of a Swiss police captain turns to a life of high crime.
Short version? turns to a life of high crime.
My father was a prolific asshole. turns to a life of high crime.
Long version? turns to a life of high crime.
When I was eight years old turns to a life of high crime.
my dad thought I stole his watch. turns to a life of high crime.
He loved that piece of metal more than anything.
He asked me if I stole it. I told him I didn't.
He said he knew that I had and that I was lying.
He didn't speak to me again after that. and that I was lying.
Not on Christmas. Not on my birthday. and that I was lying.
He went almost a full year and that I was lying.
Like I didn't even exist. and that I was lying.
Then one night and that I was lying.
He comes home and he sits down at the dinner table¡­
And there it is. and he sits down at the dinner table¡­
There's the watch and he sits down at the dinner table¡­
right there on his wrist. and he sits down at the dinner table¡­
Found out later that he put it in his desk at work
and it got buried behind some papers or something like that.
But he never apologized. He just or something like that.
He just looked me in the eye and said
Then he kept askin' and said
And I never answered him. and said
I just stared at him. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
Next week I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
Really? I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
I'm kidding. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
Hey. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
I'm sorry about all that. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
Oh I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
You learn a valuable lesson I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
It doesn't matter what you do I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
only matters what they think you've done. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
How about your old man? I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
I don't talk about him. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
That bad I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
Good news. I didn't eat. I didn't drink.
I slept like a baby after our little therapy session last night.
Better news our little therapy session last night.
I've got our escape plan down to a simple three-step process.
All right down to a simple three-step process.
- Create a distraction. - With soap?
You know what happens when you mix soap
with a cleaning solution that's essentially nitric acid?
- You get nitroglycerin. - You get nitroglycerin.
We should run. - You get nitroglycerin.
Go - You get nitroglycerin.
It's locked. We need a key card. - You get nitroglycerin.
Step two - You get nitroglycerin.
- Where'd you get that? - Nyet politsiya.
He's not a cop! - Nyet politsiya.
What's the plan-- Son of a bitch! - Nyet politsiya.
- What? Understood. - Nyet politsiya.
What are you doing? What's step three?
Step three¡­ What's step three?
Rock Jenga. What's step three?
You first. What's step three?
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
Get back! - You're welcome.
This way. - You're welcome.
They're outside the walls. Secure the perimeter.
Okay. Okay. Secure the perimeter.
Can you fly a helicopter? Secure the perimeter.
Does the back of your head look like a huge penis?
The answer is yes! look like a huge penis?
Oh look like a huge penis?
- We're not friends. - We're best friends.
- They're over here! - Go!
I can't believe nobody saw that. - Go!
Here they are! Fire! - Go!
Okay. - Go!
Oh. - Go!
That's in Russian. - Go!
Go - Go!
The forklift! - Go!
Huh. - Go!
Uh-oh. - Go!
Son of a bitch. - Go!
Reload! - Go!
Shit. - Go!
Oh - Go!
I was praying for you. - Go!
Don't give me that shit. You were gonna leave me?
You said You were gonna leave me?
I said You were gonna leave me?
You said You were gonna leave me?
And I was gonna carry you with me in my heart like an eternal flame
you stupid complainer. in my heart like an eternal flame
Why is that blinking? in my heart like an eternal flame
- Whoa in my heart like an eternal flame
Ooh! Incoming! in my heart like an eternal flame
See? Easy-peasy. in my heart like an eternal flame
I know it sounds like a tough childhood
but my father made me who I am today. like a tough childhood
Maybe that's my problem. like a tough childhood
I'm so focused on winning all the time like a tough childhood
that I can never just fully relax and just be.
Is that normal? just fully relax and just be.
How the fuck would I know? just fully relax and just be.
What? just fully relax and just be.
I'm not a therapist. I'm an intelligence analyst.
I'm sorry. I'm an intelligence analyst.
I'm just dealing with a lot right now
and you seemed like someone I could talk to.
And it's so rare in my line of work someone I could talk to.
to find someone who's just there to listen.
Thank you. who's just there to listen.
Anyway who's just there to listen.
but just using your terminal here who's just there to listen.
to ensure that the origin point of my message is untraceable.
Best way to do it is from within the system itself.
They should really work on patching the security vulnerability.
It's embarrassing. patching the security vulnerability.
Did you know that 99% of all tracking protocols
focus on third-party movements? of all tracking protocols
No one ever expects the call to come from inside the house
Hence to come from inside the house
Oh. Here we go. to come from inside the house
Just need to slow down my competition to come from inside the house
I'm afraid that's all the time we have for today.
I'm gonna have to end our session here. Have a lovely day.
Freeze! Have a lovely day.
See? Have a lovely day.
This is why we can't have nice things. Have a lovely day.
'Cause the moment I trust someone Have a lovely day.
and then I'm forced to do things like this.
I'm not angry. I'm just disappointed. to do things like this.
I really thought you were different. to do things like this.
Well to do things like this.
I'm gonna leave now and when he wakes up to do things like this.
you're going to tell him that you triggered the alarm falsely
and in his haste that you triggered the alarm falsely
And if you decide not to do that that you triggered the alarm falsely
I want you to remember one critically important thing.
I know everyone you work with and every member of your family.
And I also know your browser history. and every member of your family.
Nolan. and every member of your family.
Tambwe! Come on and every member of your family.
Oh. and every member of your family.
I can't thank you enough for this. and every member of your family.
I'm just glad I could finally repay my debt to you.
And now I'm in yours. I could finally repay my debt to you.
- Come I could finally repay my debt to you.
- I have juice boxes. - That's very good.
Hey. Tambwe got us a costume change - That's very good.
Oh. I'm so sorry. - That's very good.
Tambwe - That's very good.
of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. It's a funny story.
A lot of his colleagues have put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
It's exciting. put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
No juice boxes for you. put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
Oh put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
Nice jacket put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
All right put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
At least you're comfortable. put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
Well put a lot of your colleagues in prison.
- You wanna walk me through it? - I do. Here's the deal.
During the party - I do. Here's the deal.
the guests and the staff are required to stay on the main floor
and upstairs are required to stay on the main floor
well are required to stay on the main floor
But there's another way in. Hidden entrance.
Here's what I'm thinkin'. Hidden entrance.
We dress up in matching black pajamas Hidden entrance.
and sneak past the featured extras and into the bedroom.
Then and into the bedroom.
- Is that the egg? and into the bedroom.
I'm sorry. and into the bedroom.
- You are amazing. - I know.
Wow. - I know.
- Hey - I know.
Your last brilliant plan had some kinks in it.
Mmm-hmm. had some kinks in it.
So had some kinks in it.
Well had some kinks in it.
so had some kinks in it.
Two-man guard teams at every access point are signal rotated to keep them frosty.
Once they're on the move are signal rotated to keep them frosty.
It's a pretty tight window. are signal rotated to keep them frosty.
The eyes and ears are in a secure room in the west hall.
Eighty-seven motion-sensitive 8K cameras with an overlapping field of vision
so there are no natural blind spots. with an overlapping field of vision
They're always watching with an overlapping field of vision
Kinda like Alexa but with guns. with an overlapping field of vision
Now with an overlapping field of vision
The vault door to the egg room is a military-grade
biometric portal made out of a foot and a half of solid titanium.
So you can't drill it and you can't make it go boom.
The only way through it is with facial and voice recognition.
And there's only one face and one voice that opens it.
Sotto Voce. and one voice that opens it.
How are we gonna get his voice and his facial?
Well his voice and his facial?
But so does some pretty kick-ass deepfake technology.
Spooky deepfake technology.
If you have more than 12 images on the Internet
I can send your mom a video of you mouth-sexing a goat.
I'm not saying I'm gonna do that a video of you mouth-sexing a goat.
If I had enough time and enough pictures. a video of you mouth-sexing a goat.
But wait a video of you mouth-sexing a goat.
There's also a 12-digit randomly-generated passcode that's changed every six minutes
and that code can only be found in Sotto Voce's phone
and Sotto Voce's phone can only be found in Sotto Voce's pants.
So in Sotto Voce's pants.
Oh in Sotto Voce's pants.
We're gonna need his thumbprint 'cause he never upgraded his iPhone -4
So if we don't get his thumbprint he never upgraded his iPhone -4
Oh he never upgraded his iPhone -4
You can learn. This is amazing. he never upgraded his iPhone -4
You are not sparkly enough. he never upgraded his iPhone -4
I'm gonna get you a matching vest to go with those pants.
Check to go with those pants.
You don't have to do that. I'm standing right next to you.
I'm not used to using these stupid things I'm standing right next to you.
and I'm not used to working with a partner.
We're not partners. This is a marriage of convenience.
I want a divorce and I'm keeping the kids.
Let's just do this. and I'm keeping the kids.
I'll get the thumbprint and I'm keeping the kids.
We've got a party crasher. and I'm keeping the kids.
Yeah and I'm keeping the kids.
We're here for the egg and I'm keeping the kids.
Speak for yourself. I'm going in. and I'm keeping the kids.
What are you doing? That's not part of the plan.
Plans change. That's not part of the plan.
Beautiful. That's not part of the plan.
The sculpture That's not part of the plan.
I'm sorry That's not part of the plan.
It's just impossible for me to tell who you are with that mask on.
- How about now? to tell who you are with that mask on.
Agent Hartley! to tell who you are with that mask on.
So it was you all along. to tell who you are with that mask on.
Such a clever disguise. to tell who you are with that mask on.
Well to tell who you are with that mask on.
are here to try to beat me to the second egg.
- Even the playing field. - Don't tell her anything.
I'm not here for the egg. I'm here to clear my name
which means all I need is you. I'm here to clear my name
You're literally telling her everything. I'm here to clear my name
We both know that this whole thing is gonna end with you in handcuffs.
Promises is gonna end with you in handcuffs.
Careful now. We don't wanna cause a scene. is gonna end with you in handcuffs.
Don't care. I'm not letting you out of my sight.
Oh I'm not letting you out of my sight.
Not bad for a convict. I'm not letting you out of my sight.
Speaking of which I'm not letting you out of my sight.
Has he told you where the third egg is yet?
Well where the third egg is yet?
That's a no. He must not trust you. where the third egg is yet?
You trust your partner? where the third egg is yet?
What makes you think I have one? where the third egg is yet?
Well where the third egg is yet?
It's impossible. where the third egg is yet?
So what now? where the third egg is yet?
You're gonna arrest me right here where the third egg is yet?
without a badge or a gun where the third egg is yet?
and in front of a room full of criminals? where the third egg is yet?
Is that your plan where the third egg is yet?
Shit! where the third egg is yet?
Incoming! Got the print. Get the hell out of there.
Or perhaps you just didn't think this all the way through.
You're coming with me. Party's over. didn't think this all the way through.
Watching you dance with this man at my party has made me quite jealous.
Well at my party has made me quite jealous.
Didn't I? at my party has made me quite jealous.
May I? at my party has made me quite jealous.
Like you said at my party has made me quite jealous.
Apologies. at my party has made me quite jealous.
We needed to get his phone at my party has made me quite jealous.
not waste time playing footsie with The Bishop.
Don't worry. I got it. playing footsie with The Bishop.
Excuse me. playing footsie with The Bishop.
You're kidding. Nice pull! playing footsie with The Bishop.
How'd you know Sotto Voce would cut in? playing footsie with The Bishop.
Well playing footsie with The Bishop.
So any time another male dances with the most desirable woman at his party
well the most desirable woman at his party
You sneaky little minx. the most desirable woman at his party
Where'd you learn that? Profiler school? the most desirable woman at his party
High school. the most desirable woman at his party
Ladies and gentlemen the most desirable woman at his party
it is my sincere pleasure to welcome you all to my humble home.
- Now's the time. He's speechifying. to welcome you all to my humble home.
My father was a man of conviction¡­
Moving to two. was a man of conviction¡­
Oh! Terribly was a man of conviction¡­
You imbecile! was a man of conviction¡­
- Oh¡­ - Don't put your hands on me
I'm so sorry - Don't put your hands on me
I don't need your apologies - Don't put your hands on me
Take him. - Don't put your hands on me
Right this way - Don't put your hands on me
Let's get you hosed down. - Don't put your hands on me
This pistol was my father's prized possession.
I've kept it close to my heart since the day I killed him with it.
I was never permitted to touch this as a boy.
Right this way. to touch this as a boy.
It's just like the one used by the Lone Ranger.
Hey. used by the Lone Ranger.
What's going on there? used by the Lone Ranger.
Someone spilled wine on a guest. They're cleared.
Something's off. I'm calling it in anyway. They're cleared.
Don't be an idiot. You read too many spy novels.
I miss you every day
And in his immortal words I miss you every day
"The skilled hunter needs but one bullet." I miss you every day
- Bravo! - Enjoy your evening.
No - Enjoy your evening.
We gotta go. - Enjoy your evening.
Here we go - Enjoy your evening.
Oh - Enjoy your evening.
You're like a well-dressed wall. - Enjoy your evening.
What are you doing? - Enjoy your evening.
Trying to ruin the mission. - Enjoy your evening.
Well - Enjoy your evening.
God damn it! - Enjoy your evening.
Come on - Enjoy your evening.
Shit! - Enjoy your evening.
Gotcha. - Enjoy your evening.
Phone - Enjoy your evening.
Okay - Enjoy your evening.
Sotto Voce. - Enjoy your evening.
Right. - Enjoy your evening.
I thought Mr. Voce was still at the party?
Send a team. Mr. Voce was still at the party?
Security Mr. Voce was still at the party?
Hey! Mr. Voce was still at the party?
You know Mr. Voce was still at the party?
you sure do hang around with a lot of criminals.
I am innocent. with a lot of criminals.
He's a pretty damn good thief for his first time.
- I'm not good at it. - You are.
- Don't say that. - Don't sell yourself short.
- Shut up. - Hector Deflector over here.
He's not good at taking a compliment. - Hector Deflector over here.
I need you to understand - Hector Deflector over here.
She set me up. - Hector Deflector over here.
Well - Hector Deflector over here.
Go on - Hector Deflector over here.
We're not friends. - Hector Deflector over here.
- We're work wives. - We're not work wives.
- We're sister wives. - We're not any kind of wives.
Shut up! Both of you. - We're not any kind of wives.
You either arrest him or I arrest you both.
What's it gonna be or I arrest you both.
- I'm sorry or I arrest you both.
Oh or I arrest you both.
- You're under arrest. - You're gonna listen?
After all we've been through together¡­ - You're gonna listen?
You love me? - You're gonna listen?
I hate you. - You're gonna listen?
- Tight enough? Jesus! - See?
I'm a good guy. - See?
But sometimes I do bad things. - See?
- Hartley! - Let's grab that egg and get out of here.
You don't wanna talk about what just happened?
- What you talking about? - We had a moment.
- We didn't have a moment. - No
Looking for something specific or just browsing?
You look awful. or just browsing?
Hmm. You know or just browsing?
but I doubt very much that you could've managed it.
Now that I have two out of the three eggs that you could've managed it.
I'll give you one last chance to take me up on my offer.
- Well to take me up on my offer.
- You're under arrest. - Oh
Read the room. - Oh
I told you - Oh
You're so embarrassing. He's so embarrassing.
Tell you what He's so embarrassing.
You wanna arrest me? He's so embarrassing.
Come¡­ He's so embarrassing.
Arrest me. He's so embarrassing.
I just want the egg. So He's so embarrassing.
Take it easy. He's so embarrassing.
This is easy. He's so embarrassing.
Ooh He's so embarrassing.
Sir He's so embarrassing.
Excuse me. He's so embarrassing.
Bro He's so embarrassing.
Mm He's so embarrassing.
God He's so embarrassing.
You can't ever tell anybody about this. He's so embarrassing.
- I'll never tell anybody. Promise. - Okay.
Okay. - Okay.
Oh - Okay.
I'm not trying to be a tattletale. We didn't steal your egg
I mean We didn't steal your egg
But she got it. We didn't steal your egg
He's telling you the truth. We didn't steal your egg
Is that so? We didn't steal your egg
Thank you. Oh. All right. We didn't steal your egg
Would you like to make a confession
It's a pleasure doing business with you. a confession
I told you they'd come. a confession
Oh a confession
What the f-- a confession
Good morning a confession
Down here a confession
That's called foreshadowing. a confession
- I know what it's called. - Was making sure.
You don't look like an English major. - Was making sure.
- Shut up. - Buongiorno
- Perfect! - I brought champagne.
I would introduce you - I brought champagne.
my lovely business associate. - I brought champagne.
Yes. - I brought champagne.
I told you The Bishop was working with somebody.
It's a marriage of convenience. was working with somebody.
You're familiar with that concept was working with somebody.
You see was working with somebody.
already held the second egg in his possession.
So in his possession.
which brings us to the part in his possession.
where you tell us where the third egg is. in his possession.
Piss off for a thousand years. in his possession.
Oh in his possession.
That's okay. I'll get the information from you by hurting him.
I'm sorry from you by hurting him.
I love this plan. from you by hurting him.
You two share a special bond. from you by hurting him.
Otherwise from you by hurting him.
attempting to steal the egg? from you by hurting him.
Isn't that right from you by hurting him.
There is no bond between us. I barely know the guy.
Booth I barely know the guy.
- She knows about us I barely know the guy.
She knows about our special bond I barely know the guy.
Son of a bitch. He's lying. I barely know the guy.
If she hurts you bad enough I barely know the guy.
I'm gonna have no choice but to tell her everything.
Now but to tell her everything.
Okay but to tell her everything.
No but to tell her everything.
Oh but to tell her everything.
Well¡­ but to tell her everything.
No. but to tell her everything.
I guess now we find out what kind of friend you really are
because we're gonna go to my favorite place.
No. to my favorite place.
No. Don't-- to my favorite place.
Enough games to my favorite place.
If you want to make him talk to my favorite place.
Why is your shirt off? to my favorite place.
- Why is his shirt off? - I don't know.
Sometimes the old ways are the best. Excuse me
There Excuse me
Look! Look at your friend. Excuse me
- The egg. Now! Excuse me
Booth Excuse me
Okay Excuse me
- It's in Egypt. - Where in Egypt?
There's a hidden chamber in the Great Pyramid.
Lidar discovered it a year ago. They haven't opened it yet.
- How do you know the egg is there? - My mother was an Egyptologist.
I could read hieroglyphics before I could read English.
That hidden chamber before I could read English.
is the secret tomb of Cleopatra. before I could read English.
They buried the third egg there when the other two went missing.
The scans show it sitting there plain as day.
The third egg never left Egypt. sitting there plain as day.
He's not lying. I read about the chamber. sitting there plain as day.
Was that so hard? sitting there plain as day.
- Shall we celebrate? sitting there plain as day.
To the end of our business. sitting there plain as day.
And the beginning of our pleasure. sitting there plain as day.
- I mean¡­ - Oh
You didn't see that coming - Oh
Guard! - Oh
I don't know what happened. We were just having a glass of champagne
- when all of the sudden he fell. We were just having a glass of champagne
And scene. We were just having a glass of champagne
Long con? We were just having a glass of champagne
Long con. We were just having a glass of champagne
You know We were just having a glass of champagne
Now I'd really love to stay and see how this whole thing turns out
but I'm late for a date with a very large pyramid.
Can't wait to see what happens next. with a very large pyramid.
So exciting! with a very large pyramid.
She's a good singer. with a very large pyramid.
You should have took that deal when she offered it to you in prison.
Well when she offered it to you in prison.
Oh when she offered it to you in prison.
Well when she offered it to you in prison.
Jesus! That's really scary. when she offered it to you in prison.
Oh when she offered it to you in prison.
You did this. when she offered it to you in prison.
This is your fault. She was mine. when she offered it to you in prison.
Honey when she offered it to you in prison.
And you look like¡­ when she offered it to you in prison.
Like a muscular toddler. when she offered it to you in prison.
I don't think it was gonna work. when she offered it to you in prison.
- The height difference and¡­ - Oh
- Whoa - Oh
Let's talk about this. - Oh
- John - Oh
What? How is that possible? - Oh
How did you get free? - Oh
- He shot the cuff. - He hit something?
Lucky shot. - He hit something?
We're gonna get out of here. - He hit something?
We're really gonna do it. - He hit something?
Oh - He hit something?
when you let The Bishop go all shock therapy on me.
You're not gonna find The Bishop. Not without me.
I got a pretty good idea where she's going because of you.
- So where she's going because of you.
- I lied. - What do you mean
I lied about everything. All of it. That whole thing.
I lied to you All of it. That whole thing.
All of 'em. All of it. That whole thing.
Look All of it. That whole thing.
Right. I don't give a shit about the egg. All of it. That whole thing.
I care about arresting The Bishop and clearing my name.
Right. But you won't get to The Bishop unless you get to the egg.
And I know where the egg is. unless you get to the egg.
Just get me out of here. unless you get to the egg.
I'll get the egg and you'll get The Bishop.
Come on! and you'll get The Bishop.
Pretty please? and you'll get The Bishop.
Thoughts? and you'll get The Bishop.
You hear that? and you'll get The Bishop.
Hey and you'll get The Bishop.
Up here. and you'll get The Bishop.
We'll disappear into the crowd. We'll be home free.
Oh We'll be home free.
I think we're gonna get out of here. We'll be home free.
Shit! We'll be home free.
- No We'll be home free.
Bulls have terrible eyesight. But they can sense motion.
You're thinking of Jurassic Park. But they can sense motion.
No! I saw a nature documentary starring David Attenborough.
You're thinking of Richard Attenborough from Jurassic Park.
V¨¢monos. V¨¢monos. They're telling me to run.
If you run They're telling me to run.
All right They're telling me to run.
Oh They're telling me to run.
Asshole! They're telling me to run.
Run They're telling me to run.
A-ha-- They're telling me to run.
Ah. They're telling me to run.
Thank you! They're telling me to run.
What's your problem? They're telling me to run.
Don't run? They're telling me to run.
You gonna be this grumpy the whole trip?
Wait till you see our ride. You're gonna love it.
This is fun You're gonna love it.
Riding the rails hobo-style. You're gonna love it.
You ever see You're gonna love it.
No You're gonna love it.
And no You're gonna love it.
Where are we headed? Where's the third egg?
All right Where's the third egg?
I've been thinking about this a lot Where's the third egg?
What do you mean Where's the third egg?
It's not so much of a "can't Where's the third egg?
Take me to the third egg Where's the third egg?
You wanna do it? Where's the third egg?
Do it. Where's the third egg?
You can't Where's the third egg?
'Cause even though you're running around with me
you're not a real bad guy running around with me
Let's get something straight right now. running around with me
That was terrifying. running around with me
Look running around with me
It's that I don't care about anyone. running around with me
My dad was a crook. running around with me
A con man running around with me
He was the best. running around with me
Then on my 13th birthday running around with me
My mom and I never saw him again. running around with me
Wow. running around with me
We really got some dads running around with me
It's a miracle we're not both strippers. running around with me
Yeah. running around with me
Look running around with me
My dad was a crook running around with me
We're not that different. running around with me
I'm not asking you to care about me
I'm asking you to help me. to care about me
Help me catch The Bishop and clear my name
and I will help you become the number one art thief in the world again.
It's the only chance I have to get my life back.
Please. to get my life back.
April to get my life back.
The Red Army's at the gate to get my life back.
It's game over for the Nazis to get my life back.
and that's when a forgotten Mr. Nobody named Rudolph Zeich
Hitler's personal art and antiquities dealer
and the only man ever rumored to have held Cleopatra's third egg
in his hands to have held Cleopatra's third egg
hopped a steamer ship and fled Germany for Argentina.
The manifest shows he traveled with just a single suitcase.
Oh he traveled with just a single suitcase.
Now he traveled with just a single suitcase.
and travel halfway around the globe he traveled with just a single suitcase.
with nearly 100 tons of so-called machine parts?
For 70 years of so-called machine parts?
and adult virgins everywhere became obsessed with this question
obsessed with finding what they believed had to be Hitler's lost bunker
hidden somewhere in South America. had to be Hitler's lost bunker
And my dad was one of them. had to be Hitler's lost bunker
He'd spend weekends holed up in his office
poring over old maps and declassified files.
Holidays and declassified files.
where he'd bid on the strangest things. and declassified files.
Including a watch. and declassified files.
And not just any watch. Creepy Nazi art guy Rudolph Zeich's watch.
That same watch my father chose to love more than me.
What a dick. my father chose to love more than me.
Never wanted anything to do with his treasure hunt
even after he passed. with his treasure hunt
That was my father's thing with his treasure hunt
But when I discovered what was inside it with his treasure hunt
I knew right then that I held in my hand with his treasure hunt
the secret to the third egg's location. with his treasure hunt
Booth with his treasure hunt
and hiking in circles for eight hours. with his treasure hunt
That map better be right. with his treasure hunt
Relax with his treasure hunt
Say we find it. with his treasure hunt
How can you be sure the egg is actually there?
- What do you mean? - I get that Rudolph the red-nosed Nazi guy
is rumored to be the last person to ever hold the egg in his hands
and that this mystery bunker is rumored to have all this stolen treasure.
How can you be sure the third egg itself is actually there?
Faith. the third egg itself is actually there?
Faith? the third egg itself is actually there?
I'm sorry the third egg itself is actually there?
So we're out in the middle of nowhere based on faith?
Or "gut vibe" if you're not into the whole religious thing.
No. not into the whole religious thing.
You know not into the whole religious thing.
A smart plan not into the whole religious thing.
Relax. I have good news. If I'm reading this map right¡­
We're here. If I'm reading this map right¡­
- We're where? - We've arrived.
X marks the spot. - We've arrived.
X¡­ What spot? X marks the spot. - We've arrived.
We're here. Here it is. Great job! - We've arrived.
- Please don't yell at me. - You found it! Booth found it.
There's no bunker. There's shit here. - You found it! Booth found it.
- I'm just telling you what the map says. - There's no bunker.
Tell me - There's no bunker.
Oh - There's no bunker.
Yeah - There's no bunker.
You know what I blame? I blame the compass.
I got this thing back in Scouts. It's been a little wonky.
It was never my strong suit. It's been a little wonky.
- Can I see this? - Absolutely.
- Can I see this? - Of course.
I see what the problem is. - Of course.
- That's the problem. - Oh. That is not kind.
You know what's not kind? Dragging me out in the middle of nowhere
halfway around the world Dragging me out in the middle of nowhere
Holy shit! Dragging me out in the middle of nowhere
Guess they're paying the utilities. Dragging me out in the middle of nowhere
It's gotta be hydroelectric power Dragging me out in the middle of nowhere
which means there's running water somewhere down here.
Look at that door. Nothing hiding behind there.
How are we gonna get through this? Nothing hiding behind there.
Oh Nothing hiding behind there.
You have got to be kidding. Nothing hiding behind there.
Is that your father's watch? Nothing hiding behind there.
No. It's the watch from Pulp Fiction. Nothing hiding behind there.
Yes Nothing hiding behind there.
- I thought you said you smashed it. - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
No - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Please shut up. - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Uh - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Dad¡­ - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Please be good crazy. - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Forget the egg - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
We're not here to steal anything. - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Uh - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
You know what I mean. - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
Oh - I had it repaired. Is that a problem?
How about we just shut up? And by we
You're also rude too. And by we
Rude to boot. And by we
How are we gonna find this egg? And by we
I don't know. And by we
Look for a box that says "MacGuffin." And by we
Oh! And by we
Do you know what this is? And by we
This is¡­ And by we
Yes And by we
I could flip this for $25 million And by we
There's And by we
There's four now. And by we
Three quarter-inch steel And by we
reinforced armor-plating And by we
and a 24-karat gold inlay. And by we
This is a convertible tank. And by we
And it's in mint condition. I bet you this thing still runs.
Too bad it was driven by Nazi scum. I bet you this thing still runs.
It's a shame we're gonna have to burn it. I bet you this thing still runs.
How did they get it down here anyway? I bet you this thing still runs.
They carry it down the stairs in tiny pieces and reassemble?
Through there. in tiny pieces and reassemble?
Place must have been built off one of those old copper mines.
The shafts down here are massive and go on for miles.
Build the bunker and go on for miles.
Bob's your uncle. and go on for miles.
Who's your daddy? and go on for miles.
That's not how it goes. and go on for miles.
I know. and go on for miles.
Well and go on for miles.
Five-second rule. and go on for miles.
It's fine. Totally fine. Not a scratch on it.
Are you sure you don't wanna flip this one? I got a guy.
Let me save you the trouble. flip this one? I got a guy.
Your entrances are bullshit. flip this one? I got a guy.
Egypt? flip this one? I got a guy.
Did you really think I ran right off to the pyramids on your good word?
All I had to do was wait for you two to escape from Sotto Voce
and you led me right to the third egg to escape from Sotto Voce
which I'm going to take from you now. to escape from Sotto Voce
So to escape from Sotto Voce
Come on to escape from Sotto Voce
Good job. Attaboy. to escape from Sotto Voce
Drop your weapon! to escape from Sotto Voce
This way! On that side. to escape from Sotto Voce
How did she find us? to escape from Sotto Voce
I followed you. She must have followed me. to escape from Sotto Voce
No shit! to escape from Sotto Voce
Why are you shooting at them? I thought you were on their side.
I am on their side. They shot at me first. I thought you were on their side.
How are we gonna get out of here? I thought you were on their side.
We take that. I thought you were on their side.
I don't think that's gonna make it up the stairs.
- It ain't going up the stairs. gonna make it up the stairs.
Cover us. gonna make it up the stairs.
- Go gonna make it up the stairs.
Let's go. gonna make it up the stairs.
- Huh? Ha-ha! gonna make it up the stairs.
Let's go! gonna make it up the stairs.
- Throw it. - What?
Now! - What?
You two with me - What?
Go! - What?
I'm all out. - What?
Pull over! - What?
- Shit! - What?
Whoa! - What?
Bishop - What?
You saved me. - What?
You love me. You love me like crazy. - What?
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! - Shit!
We're running out of road. - Shit!
Hold on to something! If we stop
Then let's get caught. If we stop
We can escape later. It works for me all the time.
Make sure to kick clear of the car. It works for me all the time.
- I would like to workshop this idea. - Oh
It's just like we drew it up - Oh
Hartley? - Oh
You will be missed. - Oh
Oh - Oh
Hartley? - Oh
Hartley? Hartley? - Oh
Hey - Oh
Who are you calling an idiot? - Oh
I'm right here. - Oh
- Did you just choose me over the egg? - No.
- Well - No.
You went running in there to rescue me. - No.
I left my phone in there. - No.
You only have a finite amount of time to save it.
Stick it in a bag of rice a finite amount of time to save it.
You thought I was dead. a finite amount of time to save it.
I didn't think you were dead. I wished you were dead.
I saw you splashing around. "Hartley! Hartley!"
Yes "Hartley! Hartley!"
save you "Hartley! Hartley!"
Look "Hartley! Hartley!"
I'm not gonna gloat. It's not who I am. "Hartley! Hartley!"
Would some people say that this is very embarrassing for you?
Yes that this is very embarrassing for you?
Probably everybody. that this is very embarrassing for you?
But that's not important right now. that this is very embarrassing for you?
What's important is that you realize you lost and I won.
We. you realize you lost and I won.
We won. Together. Friendship. Teamwork. you realize you lost and I won.
It's called the moral of the story. you realize you lost and I won.
And something that I've been wanting to say for years
to your face is¡­ wanting to say for years
Checkmate. wanting to say for years
Oh wanting to say for years
I've got two eggs wanting to say for years
How's that work exactly? wanting to say for years
I don't have to win in order for you to lose.
That's the best part of this whole thing. in order for you to lose.
As long as I have the third egg in order for you to lose.
I don't care about the money anymore. in order for you to lose.
Honestly in order for you to lose.
That face right there. Just¡­ Yeah. Perfect.
Resting failure face. I mean
Also I mean
As an added bonus I mean
is gonna give you a lifetime supply of prison.
So¡­ That's-a nice. a lifetime supply of prison.
- Stand up. - Stand up.
Told you how this was gonna end. - Stand up.
You're right. I am the bad guy. - Stand up.
I know how a confidence scheme works - Stand up.
You don't know me - Stand up.
You have no idea what I'm capable of. - Stand up.
What the fuck? - Stand up.
Look at him. - Stand up.
Resting failure face. Priceless. - Stand up.
This whole time you were working for her? - Stand up.
Not for - Stand up.
- Like partners. - Yeah
Has he told you where the third egg is yet?
- I love you. - I love you too.
- Ready? - Yep.
Surprise! - Yep.
There are two bishops in chess. - Yep.
- And a whole lotta pawns. - Hmm.
I passed the first egg on to her in Bali.
She took the second egg from Sotto Voce. on to her in Bali.
And the third egg on to her in Bali.
was if you led us right to it on to her in Bali.
I thought for sure you were gonna see through my
"We're not partners you were gonna see through my
I'm Johnny Law you were gonna see through my
To be honest you were gonna see through my
- No you were gonna see through my
Appreciate that. What'd you think? You think it was too much?
I have notes. Otherwise You think it was too much?
"Pretty good"? All right. You think it was too much?
Let's just rewind for one second here. You think it was too much?
You electrocuted him. You went "Downtown." You think it was too much?
Yes. By the way You think it was too much?
I know. I'm so sorry. I had to. You think it was too much?
No. You think it was too much?
It was the only way I could pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
How did you get free? pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
Well pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
The egg. pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
That gun is soaking wet. There's no way-- pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
I'm not a Navy SEAL. pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
Third egg. pass you a key to slip the cuffs.
- Thank you. - Let's take a walk.
So it was all a lie? Even the sob story about your dad?
No. My dad was a con man Even the sob story about your dad?
So I decided to become better than he ever was.
Beat him at his own game. than he ever was.
Booth than he ever was.
You're good than he ever was.
We got nothing but respect for you. than he ever was.
Better luck next time. than he ever was.
We'd love to stay and chat than he ever was.
and it turns out than he ever was.
No hard feelings than he ever was.
It's what we do. than he ever was.
None taken. Super fun time than he ever was.
See than he ever was.
Serious question though than he ever was.
I have no base. This is a spray tan. than he ever was.
A beautiful event like tonight happens only once in a father's life.
That is why when I arranged for my only daughter to marry
I spared no expense to acquire a gift unlike any other.
A gift fit for a queen to acquire a gift unlike any other.
my Cleopatra. to acquire a gift unlike any other.
Behold to acquire a gift unlike any other.
all three treasured eggs have been reunited.
Oh have been reunited.
Ed Sheeran! have been reunited.
I love you! have been reunited.
Ed Sheeran have been reunited.
God have been reunited.
Yeah have been reunited.
Attention. This is an Interpol police action.
Remain in your seats. This will be over shortly.
What are you doing? This will be over shortly.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- Oh - Cheers.
Come on - Cheers.
We'll take those. Thank you very much. - Cheers.
- Let's get out of here. - Cheers.
Possession of stolen Nazi loot is a crime. - Cheers.
You're under arrest - Cheers.
This is outrageous. - Cheers.
Get off me. Do you know who I am?
I was in Game of Thrones! Do you know who I am?
I'm Ed Sheeran Do you know who I am?
This gouda is disappointing. Do you know who I am?
Such a fancy yacht Do you know who I am?
That's not cheese. That's uncooked pork. Do you know who I am?
I've heard tapeworms can be quite slimming.
Surprised to see me? can be quite slimming.
Well can be quite slimming.
Oh can be quite slimming.
You weren't the only one crying at the end of your lovemaking.
You know at the end of your lovemaking.
Looks like you ran out of friends. at the end of your lovemaking.
She sent me to the only place on Earth that actually is worse
than her Instagram account. on Earth that actually is worse
But then I remembered on Earth that actually is worse
that I'm pretty good at escaping from things.
So I did. at escaping from things.
Look at escaping from things.
Absolutely not. All's fair in love and eggs.
I came to congratulate you both. All's fair in love and eggs.
Great. Glad you approve. What do you want? All's fair in love and eggs.
Well All's fair in love and eggs.
But I'm not so big on forget-ness. All's fair in love and eggs.
Turns out that secure Cayman Island account
Take it all. that secure Cayman Island account
See? Now that secure Cayman Island account
Everyone loses that secure Cayman Island account
Cut the shit. What's the offer? that secure Cayman Island account
There's a new score. that secure Cayman Island account
Double the payout that secure Cayman Island account
It's a three-thief job. One
And let me guess One
then Inspector Das is on her way right now to arrest us.
Yes right now to arrest us.
Know what I think is funny right now to arrest us.
Vin Diesel's audition tape for Cats? It exists.
The fact that you think the two of us would ever team up with you.
Get off the boat. the two of us would ever team up with you.
Great. I'll the two of us would ever team up with you.
Wait the two of us would ever team up with you.
Look the two of us would ever team up with you.
I know he drives you crazy the two of us would ever team up with you.
- And you two work well together. - No
We kinda do. - No
Do you trust me? - No
Always. - No
- You love me? - Big time.
That's all we need. - Big time.
What are we stealing? - Big time.
This. - Big time.
It's abandoned. They're not here.
Ready? They're not here.
What could possibly go wrong? They're not here.
Everything. They're not here.