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如果你做爱 会是什么样子？ If you have sex, what does it look like?
当你幻想性的时候 And when you fantasize about sex,
我们知道你们大多数人都幻想过 and we know the vast majority of you do,
那看起来是什么样子的？ what does that look like?
你想做爱吗？ Is it sex you want to have?
还是完全是别的什么？ Or is it something else entirely?
在最大的色情网站之一PornHub上 On one of the biggest porn sites, PornHub,
搜索最多的三个术语 是“妈妈”、“继母”和“我想操妈妈” three of the most searched termsare "mom," "stepmom," and "MILF,"
“妈妈”的另一种版本 another flavor of "mom."
但是色情不一定反映 我们真正的个人幻想 But porn doesn't necessarily reflectour true private fantasies.
要找到答案 你必须问别人 To find that out,you have to actually ask people.
我调查了来自所有50个州 近4200名 I surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from all 50 states,
年龄从18岁到87岁的美国人 people ranging in age from 18 to 87,
涵盖所有不同的性别认同和性取向 ranging all different gender identities, sexual orientations,
人口和政治背景 demographic and political backgrounds,
我问了他们数百个问题 and I asked them hundreds of questions.
根据他的调查 According to his survey,
97%的美国成年人有性幻想 97% of American adultshave had a sexual fantasy,
就像在 想象一个 令人兴奋的性场景 as in imagined an arousingsexual scenario.
百分之八十七的人 每周至少有一次 Eighty-seven percent haveat least one a week.
52%的人每天至少一次 And 52% have at least one a day.
尽管我们可能认为我们的幻想 超级怪异和独特… And though we might think our fantasiesare super weird and unique...
总的来说 大多数人 不分性别 By and large, most people, regardless of gender,
幻想着同样的事情 are fantasizing about the same things.
我们幻想的是谁和什么？ So who and what are we fantasizing about?
我们的幻想体现了我们什么情况？ And what do our fantasies say about us?
琳达 如果你只是来照顾我的话 Ah, Linda, if you were only here to nurse me.
我喜欢看人们手淫 I love to watch people masturbate.
我喜欢脚 但是我想 “为什么脚会被崇拜？” I love feet, but I'm like, "Why are feet fetishized?"
为什么这些事情被认为是不正常的？ Why are these things considered outside of normal?
幻想就是幻想 它让我们兴奋 Fantasy is fantasy, and it turns us on.
它们可以留在你的脑海里 They can remain in your head,
或者有时你真的可以 让它们成为现实 or sometimes you can actually make them a reality.
我们的大多数幻想分为三种类型 Most of our fantasies fallinto three genres:
和多人做爱 having sex with multiple people,
在从未做过的地方或 从未做过的方式做爱 sex in places or in waysthat we've never done it before
以及对权力和控制的幻想 and fantasies about powerand control.
第一种：群体性爱 The first: group sex,
像狂欢或帮派活动 like orgies or gang bangs,
一种狂欢 很多男人通常和同一个女人做爱 a type of orgy where a lot of menusually have sex with the same woman.
几乎每个美国成年人 幻想过群交 Almost every American adulthas fantasized about group sex.
超过一半的人说他们经常幻想 And over half of the mensaid they fantasized about it often.
通常幻想涉及特定数量的人 And usually the fantasy involvesa specific number of people.
-我只会说“三人性行为” -三人性行为真美好 -I would just say, "a threesome." -The threesome thing is beautiful.
我认为绝对是三人性行为 但是也有涉及道具的 I think it's definitely a threesome, but there's also, like, grapes involved.
当我看着人们提供的 幻想描述的 When I looked at the one-word fantasy descriptions
一个词 他们总结 that people provided,
他们有史以来 最喜欢的幻想的一个词 when they summed up their favorite fantasy of all time in a single word,
我搜集了那些词 我把它们输入到一个词云库 I took those words, and I entered them into a word cloud.
我第一次这么做的时候 上面说的都是“三人性行为” And the first time I did this, all it said was "threesome"
因为这么多人写了三人性行为 because so many people wrote that threesome
是他们最喜欢的幻想 was their favorite fantasy of all time.
这是一种人们可以感到 被认可和渴望的方式 It's a way that people can feel validated and wanted.
很多人真的只想成为关注的中心 A lot of people really just want to be the center of attention,
他们想要多人 同时渴望他们 and they want multiple people desiring them at the same time.
所以 实际上有很大的情感成分 So, there's actually a big emotional component.
然而刻板印象可能 And while the stereotypemight be that young people experiment
是年轻人尝试群交 with group sex,
这种幻想实际上在40、50和 60多岁的人之间更受欢迎 this fantasy is actually more popularwith people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s.
我认为三人性行为的部分吸引力 A big part of the appeal of threesomes
是很多人厌倦了他们的性行为 is just that a lot of people get bored with their sexual routines,
很多人都在长期的一夫一妻制关系中 and a lot of people are in long-term monogamous relationships,
所以三人性行为是一种 增加一些新奇东西的简单的方式 and so a threesome is an easy way of adding some novelty.
和新颖性 总的来说 And novelty, in general,
是我们幻想的第二大类型 is the second major genreof our fantasies.
这就是人们混淆视听的地方 That's where people are just mixing it up.
在一项小型研究中 In one small study,
男人看同样的色情短片 一遍又一遍 men viewed the same porn clipover and over,
他们越来越不兴奋 and they got less and less aroused.
但是后来 播放了一个新的色情片段 But then a new porn clip played,
男人的阴茎很快变得很硬 and the men's penisesgot very hard, very fast.
人们进行了一项类似的研究 测量女性的生殖器反应 A similar study was conductedmeasuring women's genital arousal
结果相似 with similar results.
我喜欢它神秘的一面 I like the secretive aspect of it.
就像 “我以前从来没有 这样做过” 这样的事 More like "I've never done this before" kind of thing.
比如 如果我们一起在飞机上 就像 “哦 不 你的航班晚点了？ Like, if we're on a plane together, and "Oh, no, your flight got delayed?
为什么不回我家过夜呢？ Why not just come back to my place for the night?
我有一张备用床” I have a spare bed."
让蜡烛蜡滴在我身上 Having candle wax dripped on my body,
让羽毛遍布我的全身 having feathers run across my body.
更多的是展示主义者的一面 More on the exhibitionist side,
我布鲁克林大桥上 做过性方面的事情 I have done sexual things on the Brooklyn Bridge.
新颖性一类想出的最大主题 是公开的性行为 The biggest theme that came up in the novelty category was public sex.
一些人的最爱： Some of the favorites:
公园里的性爱 一辆车 一个公共厕所 sex in a park,a car, a public bathroom,
更衣室 电梯 还有办公室 a locker room, an elevator,and the office.
我觉得对我来说 I think a sexual fantasy for me
一次性幻想得是我的搭档 would be to have my partner,
带着我可以在婚礼上 like, going around with a toy
在商务会议上 that I could sort of control and modulate
控制和调节的玩具… at a wedding, or, like, at a business meeting...
理论上有一些被发现的风险 There is, like, theoretically some risk of discovery,
所以在那方面有点性感 so it's kind of like hot in that way.
三分之二的男性和女性 Two-thirds of men and women
幻想过性玩具 have fantasized about sex toys.
最常见的两种 眼罩和手铐 Two of the most common ones:blindfolds and handcuffs.
这就把我们带到了第三种 大幻想流派： Which brings us to the thirdbig fantasy genre
权力和控制 power and control.
超过四分之一的人 认为这是他们最喜欢的幻想 More than a quarter of peoplerated this their favorite kind of fantasy.
我只是喜欢积极主动的人 I just like someone who is aggressive.
一个真正能… Um, someone who can really, like...
是的 一个积极主动的人 Yeah, just someone who's aggressive.
我就此打住 一个积极主动的人 I'm gonna leave it at that. Someone who's aggressive.
我一直认为… I always thought being like...
稍微眉来眼去 总是很吸引人 tossed around a little bit was always really attractive,
就像《史密斯先生》中的场景一样 like that scene inMrs. and Mr. Smith.
他们想互相残杀 但是很性感 They're trying to kill each other, but it's hot.
我在这个世界上最喜欢做的事情 是撞到屁股上 My favorite thing to do in the world is get into butts.
进入雌雄同体男孩的屁股 绝对是一种权力的事 It's definitely a power thing to get into cis-boy butts,
而且我不会为此道歉 and I won't apologize for it.
我喜欢护士 我不知道 护士和警察有种… I like nurses. I don't know, something about nurses, cops...
你知道我怎么想的吗？精神上的东西 比如 掌权的女人 I don't know. You know what I think it is? Something mental, like women in power.
太性感了 就是这样 That's sexy. That's what it is.
不过 不要权力过多 Not too much power, though.
够了 你知道 别吓到我 Just enough, you know. Don't scare the sh-- out of me.
在性爱中探索权力游戏的一种方式 是通过BDSM进行的 One way to explore power-playduring sex is through BDSM.
BDSM是“束缚和纪律虐待狂” BDSM is bondage and discipline, sado-masochism.
这是在给予痛苦时人们得到的性快感 It's the erotic pleasure that people take in giving pain,
忍受痛苦 enduring pain,
给予主导权 giving dominance,
给予惩罚 “惩罚” giving punishment, "punishment,"
忍受惩罚 给予羞辱 忍受羞辱 enduring punishment, giving humiliation, enduring humiliation.
但这都是在玩耍的时候 But it's all in the realm of playtime.
BDSM经常与花哨的道具 BDSM is often associatedwith fancy props
和皮革制品联系在一起 and contraptions made of leather.
我喜欢皮革 I love leather.
我认为现在人们可以看到 I think that nowadays people have a view of it,
《五十度灰》之类的东西 of things likeFifty Shades of Grey
诸如此类的东西 and that kind of stuff.
这是一种非常主流的想法 It's a very sort of a mainstream idea.
但实际上 我的皮革版本 来自一个非常奇怪的地方 But actually, my version of leather comes from a very queer place.
这一切都始于20世纪40年代的美国 And that all started in the USin the 1940s
一个有一种新兴的 骑摩托车文化的地方 where there was an emerging biker culture.
对于喜欢摩托车的男人来说 皮革是很好的防护服 Leather was good protective clothingfor men who were into motorcycles,
粗犷的全男性俱乐部 and rugged, all-male clubs
对喜欢男人的男人来说 是很好的环境 were good settings for menwho were into men.
当第二次世界大战结束时 一些同性恋退伍军人留在西海岸 When World War II ended,some gay veterans stayed on the West Coast
加入摩托车手的行列 拥抱一个同性恋 超级男性化的身份 and joined the biker scene,embracing a gay, hyper-masculine identity
尝试古怪的性行为 and experimenting with kinky sex.
很快 同性恋皮革文化传播 到美国和欧洲的城市 Soon, gay leather culture spreadto cities across the US and Europe.
几十年前 它变得更加明显 And then a few decades ago,it became a lot more visible.
在旧金山的80年代末和90年代 in the late '80s and the '90s in San Francisco,
因为艾滋病 性真的是我们 sexuality was something that we were really in turmoil over
很困惑的事情 because of AIDS
因为严重的愤怒和困惑 and because of the serious fury and confusion
和对疾病的恐惧 and terror around the disease.
一些警察戴着面具和手套 Some policemen wearing masks and gloves
和同性恋打交道 when dealing with homosexuals,
一些殡仪业者拒绝保存艾滋病受害者的尸体 some morticians refusing to embalm the bodies of AIDS victims.
所以BDSM是这方面的最佳出路 And so BDSM was the perfect kind of outlet for that.
避孕套 牙床和各种乳胶 Condoms, dental damsand all kinds of latex
成为乐趣的一部分 became part of the fun.
它把所有这些过去有点 It sexualized all of these things
像障碍的东西都性感化了 that were kind of like barriers in the past,
我认为这真的很有疗效 非常了不起 which I think is really healing and really remarkable.
它帮助人们应对他们对性的焦虑 And it helped people copewith their anxieties around sex,
把它们从脑海中抹去 by getting them out of their heads,
这仍然是今天BDSM的部分吸引力 which is still a part of the appealof BDSM today.
这是一个完整的过程 一个完整的故事 It's a full process. It's a full story.
完全是个沉浸式体验 你在创造你自己 It's a full immersion that you're creating yourself
你可以和别人一起体验 and that you get to experience with somebody else,
这就是我们在BDSM所说的 我们称之为“玩耍” and it's what we call in BDSM, we call it "play,"
因为这是我们的一部分 because it is that part of us
忘记了如何扮演角色 that has forgotten how to just role-play.
但是BDSM的幻想 远远可以追溯到20世纪 But BDSM fantasies go backway further than the 20th century.
受虐狂中的“虐待”来自萨德侯爵… The "sado" in sado-masochism comesfrom the Marquis de Sade...
一个18世纪的法国贵族 以古怪的性犯罪闻名 a 1700s French nobleman knownfor his kinky sex crimes
对于他的小说 描绘古怪的性犯罪 and for his novelsdepicting kinky sex crimes.
以及虐待狂中的“受虐狂” And the "masochism" in sado-masochism
来自利奥波德冯萨克-马苏德 comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch,
奥地利贵族 一百年后出生 an Austrian noblemanborn a hundred years later,
他的书《维纳斯伊姆佩兹》 讲述了半自传体的故事 whose book Venus im Pelztold the semi-autobiographical story
讲述一个男人说服一个女人 让他成为她的奴隶的故事 of a man who convinces a womanto make him her slave.
创造“受虐狂”一词的精神病医生 The psychiatrist who coinedthe term "masochism"
解释说这种“反常” explained that this "perversion"
直到他那个时代 都是科学界未知的事情 up to his time was quite unknownto the scientific world.
但我们现在知道这种“反常” But we now know this "perversion,"
至少想象它是普遍的 at least imagining it, is widespread.
莱梅勒研究中超过四分之三的人 More than three-quarters of peoplein Lehmiller's study
幻想过奴役 had fantasized about bondage,
比如 限制某人或者被限制 as in restraining someoneor being restrained.
一半以上关于纪律 如在 发出或服从命令 More than half about discipline,as in giving or following orders.
差不多四分之三 关于施加或接受痛苦 And almost three-quartersabout inflicting or receiving pain,
大部分是咬和打屁股 mostly biting and spanking.
事实上 几乎每个人 有某种BDSM幻想 The fact that almost everyone was having some type of BDSM fantasy
告诉我们这不是一些 罕见或不寻常的性兴趣 tells us this is not some rare or unusual sexual interest.
包括对强迫性行为的幻想 Including fantasies about forced sex,
在莱米勒的研究中 54%的男性 61%的女性 in Lehmiller's study, 54% of men,61% of women,
68%的非偶分特征人 and 68% of non-binary people
幻想被强迫至少做爱一次 had fantasized about being forced to have sex at least once.
所以 是我处在一个 So, it's me being in a position
我不想被追捕的位置上 where I am being pursued and I don't want to be
几乎是在强奸幻想场景中 and almost in a rape fantasy scenario.
在电视和电影中 这种幻想通常遵循一个模板： In TV and movies,this fantasy often follows a template:
一个勇敢但最终脆弱的女人被强奸 a spunky but ultimately vulnerable womanis raped,
但是后来爱上了虐待她的人 but then falls in love with her abuser.
虽然 在右边的那两个中 有点复杂 Although, in those two on the right,it's a little complicated.
这个公式也 在80%的泰国肥皂剧中上演 This formula also plays outin 80% of Thai soap operas.
这很正常 流派甚至 有一个可爱的昵称 It's so normal, the genre evenhas a cutesy nickname:
“拍打和亲吻” "slap and kiss,"
因为有很多拍打然后接吻 because there's a lot of slapping,then kissing.
这种幻想也可以追溯到很久以前 And this fantasy goes way back, too.
第一批现代人的强奸幻想小说 One of the first modernrape fantasy novels,
《酋长》于1960年在英国出版 The Sheik,was publishedin England in 1919.
这样的感觉 也被拍到好莱坞的剧情中 Such a sensation,it also got the Hollywood treatment.
一个脾气暴躁的白人妇女被性感暴力的阿拉伯王子绑架了 A feisty white woman is kidnappedby a sexy and violent Arab prince.
他强奸她 她坠入爱河 从此他们幸福地生活在一起 He rapes her, she falls in love,and they live happily ever after.
观众喜欢它 Audiences loved it.
这部电影打破了纽约的票房纪录 The movie broke box office recordsin New York
在法国也大受欢迎 and was a runaway hit in France, too.
在一项历史调查中 美国浪漫小说 And in 1987, a survey of historicalAmerican romance novels,
小说大部分是由女性书写 被女性阅读 which are written and readmostly by women,
发现一半以上的小说 描述对女主角的强奸 found that more than half featuredthe rape of the lead female character,
也许把女主角从 “婚前同意 perhaps freeing the heroinefrom the "moral slur
性交的道德诽谤” ”中释放出来 of consenting to have sexual intercoursebefore marriage"
据一名研究人员称 according to one researcher.
通常 我们的幻想涉及禁忌的事情 Often, our fantasies involve things that are taboo,
被禁止的事情 things that are forbidden,
我们觉得在日常生活中 无法表达的东西 things that we feel that we can't express in everyday life,
简单的事实是这是禁忌和禁止的 and the simple fact that it's taboo and forbidden
是它令人兴奋和刺激的原因 is what makes it exciting and titillating.
这并不意味着你真的 在你的日常生活中想要它 That doesn't mean you actually want it in your everyday life.
没人觉得如果你对强奸有幻想 Nobody thinks that if you have a fantasy about rape
你就想被强奸 that you want to be raped,
或者你是一个倾向于强奸的人 or you're someone who's oriented toward rape.
于我而言 “我喜欢 做那个被控制的” For me, it's like, "Oh, yeah, I like to be the submissive,"
因为我控制了我的大部分生活 because I'm in control a lot of my life.
但是在性方面被控制 But being submissive in sex
并不意味着我不能控制性 doesn't mean I'm not in control of the sex
因为我实际上控制着性的一切 'cause I'm in control of everything in sex.
所以这只是我自己的个性的 另一个自然的延伸 So it's just another natural extension of my own personality.
我们的幻想也是一种 我们的文化延伸 Our fantasies are alsoan extension of our culture.
瑞典浪漫小说调查 也是在20世纪80年代做的 A survey of Swedish romance novels,also done in the 1980s,
几乎没有发现女性 爱上他们的强奸犯的例子 found almost no examples of women fallingin love with their rapists.
研究人员解释说 这可能是 因为当时“婚前性行为在美国 The researcher explained that could bebecause "premarital sex was not quite
并不完全是文化禁忌” the cultural taboo as it wasin the United States" at the time.
虽然在今天的印度 性的描写是禁忌 While in India today,the portrayal of sex is taboo.
色情实际上是非法的 Porn is actually illegal.
所以 以漫画书的形式制作更容易 So it's easier to makein the form of comic books.
这是两个最受欢迎的角色 And these are twoof the most popular characters,
卡通家庭主妇 萨维塔嫂嫂和维拉玛 cartoon housewives Savita Bhabhiand Velamma.
都是母亲人物 只是人物不同 Both maternal figures,just with different figures,
被丈夫忽视 厌倦了她们的家庭生活的人 who are ignored by their husbandsand bored with their domestic routines,
所以她们花时间寻找性 so spend their days on the prowl for sex,often with younger men.
经常和年轻男人一起 Pursuing their own pleasure,
追求自己的快乐 她们大胆地违反对印度妇女的 they boldly violateevery social restriction
每个社会限制 placed on Indian women.
在美国 男人中流行的色情类型 And in the US,a popular porn genre among men
是男人的耻辱 is the humiliation of men.
一个白人看着他的白人女友 或妻子被强大得多和 A white man watcheshis white girlfriend or wife get ravaged
占统治地位的黑人蹂躏… by a much strongerand dominant black man...
这是我的房子 It's my house.
这是你的房子 但是我有时住在里面 Ah, it is your house, but I live in it sometimes.
...玩弄黑人男性作为 性威胁的刻板印象 ...playing off a stereotypeof black men as sexual threats
这可以追溯到几百年前 that goes back hundreds of years.
然后在21世纪 And then in the 2000s,
一个新的威胁抓住了西方的想象力 a new threat grippedthe Western imagination.
伊拉克的事件现在已经 到了做决定的最后几天 Events in Iraq have now reached the final days of decision.
我们将摧毁恐怖装置 我们将帮助你建立一个新的伊拉克 We will tear down the apparatus of terror, and we will help you to build a new Iraq.
在反恐战争中 性感的谢赫流派复兴了 During the War on Terror,the sexy Sheik genre had a resurgence,
在入侵伊拉克之前达到顶峰 peaking in the lead-upto the invasion of Iraq,
情节有像“基地组织联系” with plot points like: "Al Qaeda ties,"
"大规模杀伤性武器"和“击败恐怖主义” "weapons of mass destruction"and "defeating terrorism."
美国制度化的种族主义… Institutionalized racism in the United States seems to creep
似乎潜入了我们的性幻想 into our sexual fantasies.
这也影响了边缘化群体的幻想 And that affects the fantasiesof marginalized groups, too.
很多移民到这里的人 A lot of people who have immigrated here,
他们对孩子的成功和安全的看法 their ideas of success and safety for their children
实际上只是为了同化 is actually just to assimilate,
尤其是在亚裔美国人社区中 especially in the Asian-American community.
他们最想要他们的孩子成功 They want their children mostly to be successful
在所有其他领域 已经被这个 in all these other areas that have already been approved
白人社会认可了 by this white society.
这可能就是为什么莱姆勒研究 Which may be why Lehmiller's study
发现绝大多数亚裔美国人 found that the vast majorityof Asian-Americans,
不管他们幻想男人还是女人 whether they fantasize about men or women,
大多数时候幻想的都是白人 fantasize about white people mostof the time.
你知道 And you know there's a long history
白人男性幻想亚洲女性历史悠久 of white men fantasizingabout Asian women,
正如你在电影中看到的 追溯到几十年前 as you can seein movies that go back decades.
此时此刻 我所有可敬的意图 都变得有点软弱了 At this moment, all my honorable intentions are getting sort of weak in the knees.
你的眼睛柔软的像… Your eyes are as soft...
我摸你的头发很舒服 your hair is pleasant to my touch.
脱衣服？ Take clothes off?
不 我从来没有试过裸体 No, I've never tried nudes.
是时候试试了 Good time to try.
从白人的角度或者男性的目光来看 There's so much about us that is really about sexualization
我们身上有太多真正关于性化的东西 from the white perspective or the male gaze,
但这真的与我们的性取向无关 but it's really not about our sexuality,
在我们有代理的地方 我们在讲故事 where we have agency, we're telling the story.
这就是为什么尹琪 创建了一个网络系列 Which is why Yin Q created a web-series,
仁慈的女主人基于她作为统治者的职业生涯 Mercy Mistress,based on her career as a dominatrix.
对我来说 我天生古怪 For me, I'm hardwired to be kinky.
这是我性取向的一部分 It's part of my sexual orientation.
这是我古怪的一部分 It's just part of my queerness.
我真的被仁慈的女主人吸引住了 因为我真的很喜欢让 I was really drawn toMercy Mistress because I really love the idea
一个亚裔美国女强人 of having an Asian-American dominatrix
谈论她的生活 talking about her life.
我喜欢任何关于亚裔美国人的 性行为的故事 I love any story that's about Asian-American sexuality
因为我们还没有真正的这类故事 because we don't really have one yet.
我们也许不能摆脱我们的幻想 We may not be ableto get rid of our fantasies.
一些研究者说我们的兴奋就像语言： Some researchers say our turn-onsare like languages:
我们不能忘记他们 但是我们可以学习新的 we can't unlearn them,but we can learn new ones.
就是看色情电影也可以 也塑造人们的幻想 Just watching porn can also shape people's fantasies as well.
也许在你手淫的时候 Maybe while you're masturbating and edging,
你处在高潮的边缘 where you're on the brink of orgasm,
你遇到了一些新的和不同的事情 and you come across something that's new and different
你从未见过的 这可能真的很奇怪 that you've never seen before that's maybe really kinky,
因为你的厌恶反应较低 because your disgust response is lower
这可能会让你看视频 一直看到最后 that might open the door to you watching that video till the end,
到那时你可能有 这种强烈的高潮 at which point you might have this powerful orgasm
你可以开始与扭结联系在一起 that you might start to associate with that that kink.
因此 这可能会引导你 And as a result, that might lead you
在未来想要更多的幻想 to want to fantasize more about that in the future.
而在莱姆勒的研究中 79%的人 And while 79% in Lehmiller's study
说他们想表演出 他们有史以来最喜欢的幻想 said they want to act outtheir favorite fantasy of all time,
只有23%的人说他们确实尝试过 only 23% said they'd actually tried.
如果你在亲密的恋爱关系中 If you're in a loving, intimate relationship,
你和你非常信任的人 发生性关系 where you are sexual with somebody that you're very trusting of them,
你觉得你可以分享 你自己的这些禁忌部分 and you feel like you can share these taboo parts of yourself,
这可能是一个非常好的方法来 that can be a really good way to sort of see
看看我们能有多亲密 how intimate we can be.
真正的亲密不仅仅是分享 我们的美丽 Real intimacy isn't just sharing the beauty of who we are,
它也分享丑陋 it's also sharing the ugly,
丑陋的一面可能 会非常令人满足 and the ugly can actually be very gratifying.
如果你的幻想是暴力的一面 And if your fantasies areon the violent side,
这需要大量的沟通 that requires a lot of communication.
通过BDSM 是一个非常安全的方法 There's a very safe way to work through all fetishes
来解决所有的恋物癖 以及各种想法和扭结 and all kinds of ideas and kinks through BDSM.
这实际上是一个很好的方法 It's actually a wonderful way to do that.
这是关于性的最伟大的事情之一 It's one of the great things about sexuality.
它能在某种程度上拉近我们的距离 It can bring us closer in a way
而也许其他的交流方式不能 that maybe other forms of communication can't.
这是设置和延伸 It's the setting up and the continuous check in
检查和你一起玩的人是否同意 of consent that that person that you're playing with
是持续享受他们和你在一起的经历 is continuously enjoying what they are experiencing with you,
事实上有安全的词语 and that there's actually safe words
来保护双方不要走得太远 that are set up to protect both sides of going too far.
我们大多数的幻想 反映人类的基本需求 Most of our fantasiesreflect basic human needs:
感觉被需要和认可 Feeling desired and validated,
打破常规 breaking out of our routines,
和应对焦虑 and coping with anxieties.
我们最受欢迎的 幻想混合并匹配这些流派 And many of our most popularfantasies mix and match these genres.
就像妈妈幻想一样： 这很新奇 Like mom fantasies: That's pretty novel.
这绝对是权力游戏 And it's definitely power play.
或者帮派幻想群体性行为 Or gangbang fantasies,which are group sex,
通常会有一点权力的较量 usually with a dash of power play.
或者酋长 这是一部种族权力剧 Or The Sheik,which is a racial power play
强迫性行为和浪漫 and forced sex and romance.
幻想通常来自不同的地方： Often fantasies come from a variety of different places:
一些记忆 你读过的一些书 some memory of something, some book that you read.
它在你心中变成了这种混乱 It becomes this kind of mishmosh in your mind.
但是在性幻想中有很多可变性 But there's a lot of variability in sexual fantasies,
他们不会告诉你任何 关于你的可靠信息 and they don't tell you anything reliable about you.
如果你因为幻想 困扰到你或吓到你 If you have fantasies that disturb you or scare you,
你想知道这些幻想意义 其实没什么意义 and you wonder what they mean, they don't mean a lot.
所以 不要太担心 So, don't worry so much about them.
字幕翻译：Daniel