片名：女性癮者 第二部
這就是芝諾悖論 This is nothing less than "Zeno's paradox."
你是阿基里斯 追的烏龜叫高潮 You are Achilles and the tortoise is the orgasm.
- 得了吧 - 不 不 聽好 - Oh, come on. - No, no, no. Listen.
阿基里斯和烏龜賽跑 Achilles and the tortoise are going to race,
阿基里斯很自信 and Achilles is confident,
所以他讓烏龜先跑100米 so he gives the tortoise a hundred meters head start.
那麼問題來了 Now the mathematical problem is that
阿基里斯要超過烏龜的話 before Achilles can pass the tortoise,
他得先跑到 he has to reach the point
烏龜在100米開始的那個點 where the tortoise started after a hundred meters.
但當阿基里斯到那個點後 烏龜已經往前跑了 But when Achilles gets there,the tortoise has already moved on,
當他跑到下一個點 and then he has to reach the next point,
烏龜又往前跑了 and the tortoise has moved on again
就這樣不斷循環 and so on and so on and so on.
所以阿基里斯永遠追不上烏龜 更不可能超過它 So Achilles can never reach the tortoise and never pass him.
同樣 你一直在追尋 And in the same way,because you were giving chase,
卻得不到滿足 這就是悖論 you couldn't reach satisfaction.That's the paradox.
不好意思 你好像沒把這當回事 I'm sorry, but it seems as if you're not taking this very seriously.
我在告訴你我最糟糕的經歷 I'm telling you about the worst thing that's happened to me,
我在那幾秒之後 沒了性趣 that I at that point, within seconds,lost all sexual sensation.
我的下邊麻木了 My cunt simply went numb.
可是你卻給我講起 And immediately we have to hear about
什麼蠢貨數學問題 this ridiculous mathematical problem.
說實話 我都懷疑你究竟聽沒聽 In fact, I'm in doubt whether you're even listening.
為什麼懷疑 Why do you doubt that?
這個故事我以前沒完整講過 This is not a story I've told in its entirety before,
但我跟別的男人講起我的經歷 but whenever I've told other men about experiences,
我的性生活史 episodes in my sex life,
他們變得很興奮 it was easy to see that they became quite excited.
我也興奮了 I got excited.
是對數學問題興奮 不是對我的故事 Yes, about the mathematical crap,not about the story.
你究竟是什麼人 What kind of a person are you, actually?
我 I...
你不理解的 You wouldn't know.
但我可以猜 No, but I can guess.
我怎麼早沒想到 Why didn't I get that earlier?
你之所以聽了我的故事 The fact you don't get excited over my dirty stories
卻不性奮 is because you can't relate to them.
是因為你沒有過女人 You've never been with a woman.
說的沒錯 That's quite accurate.
也沒有過男人 Not with a man, either.
你覺得遺憾嗎 Are you sorry about that?
有點遺憾 不過只是少了新鮮感 Well, yeah, out of curiosity...
而不是慾望得不到滿足 not out of lust,as you would think.
我覺得自己沒有性別 I consider myself asexual.
我年輕時 當然也自娛自樂過 Of course, I experimented with masturbation when I was a teenager,
不過沒什麼效果 but it didn't do much for me.
我沒有性趣 So, there's nothing sexual about me.
不過也沒你想的那麼不尋常 It's not as uncommon as you would think.
我當然也讀過性方面的讀物 And of course, I've read a lot about sexual subjects...
《坎特伯雷童話集》 《十日談》 《一千零一夜》 "Canterbury Tales"," Decameron","Thousand and One Nights".
我全讀過 都是帶著極大的 You name it and I've read it with great interest
興趣和快樂 and enjoyment,
可只是閱讀文字的快樂 but only literary enjoyment.
不過這點也讓我 But... but I think maybe it makes me
更好地傾聽你的故事 a better listener to your story, and...
我沒有先入為主的觀點或是偏見 I have no preconceived notions or preferences.
我是你的故事最好的評判者 I'm actually the best judge you could give your story to.
至於判斷你是不是壞人這件事 And when it comes to deciding whether you're a bad human being or not,
我也沒有問題 I'm... I've no problems with that.
因為我不會戴著有色眼鏡看你 Because I don't look at you through the glasses
歧視性別或是歧視你的性經歷 colored by sexuality or sexual experience.
我是處子 I'm a virgin.
我很單純 I'm innocent.
她在看著我 She's looking at me.
是的 Yes.
是幅畫像 那是俄國的嗎 It's an icon.Is it Russian?
是 Yes, it's, uh...
是精仿品 也許是仿的盧布列夫[畫家]吧 It's a skilled copy,maybe in the manner of Rublev.
畫像一般都與東正教會有關 Icons are usually connected to the Eastern Church.
東正教會 The Eastern Church?
我可能要講很多理論 I might become a bit theoretical.
講吧 給我講講這幅畫 You may. I'd like you to tell me about your picture.
雖然公元1054年 由於意見分歧 Although the Christian church was split up in 1054
基督教會分割為了 because of differences in opinion
東方教會和西方教會 between the Eastern Church and the Western Church,
也就是今天的東正教會和羅馬天主教會 what we today call the Orthodox Church and the Roman Catholic Church,
這是典型的東正教畫像 this is a typical Eastern Church icon.
通常表現聖母瑪麗 It usually depicts the Virgin Mary
嬰兒時期的耶穌 而很少表現 and the infant Jesus and more rarely,
基督受難 for instance, the crucifixion,
而受難在天主教會很常見 which in the Western Church was much more prevalent.
總結起來 可以說天主教會 If you generalize, you could say that the Western Church
是受難的教會 is the church of suffering,
而東正教會是愉悅的教會 and the Eastern Church is the church of happiness.
怎麼感覺她在看著我 Why is she looking right at me?
她在向你訴說 Well, she's telling a story.
畫像最初是給文盲看的 Icons were originally a kind of
一種圖示版的聖經 pictorial Bibles for the illiterate.
有人說你 There are some who say you...
可以看懂畫像 甚至記錄下來 you read an icon, even write it.
有各種不同的畫像 這是赫得戈利亞 There are different types of icons.This is a Hodegetria.
目光很重要 The directions are very important.
她像是在看你 其實她在看著小耶穌 She's looking at you, but she's pointing at the baby Jesus.
而小耶穌同時看著你和聖母 And he's looking at you and pointing at her.
你看到畫像是平面的 沒有立體感 Do you see how flat it is?There's no... no perspective.
因為它是永恆的象徵 It's because it's an image of eternity.
永恆不是三維的 And eternity isn't in 3-D.
但你說東方教會是愉悅的教會 But you said the Eastern Church was the church of joy?
沒錯 東方教會表現的是 Yeah, the sanctities of the Eastern Church
愉悅的信仰 were all about the joy of faith
而西方教會則沉浸於苦難及死亡 while the Western Church wallowed in... in suffering and death.
想象你從羅馬一路東行 If you imagine a... a mental journey from Rome eastward,
你會覺得自己從愧疚和痛苦 you feel how you move away from guilt and pain
走向了快樂和光明 towards joy and light.
可你說不信上帝 But you say you didn't believe in God.
是不信 可宗教概念很有趣 No, but the concept of religion is interesting.
像性概念一樣 Like the concept of sex.
可我不會崇拜 But you won't find me on my knees
任何一個 with regards to either.
這章就叫 Let's call this chapter,
《東正教會與天主教會》 "The Eastern Church and the Western Church."
不過 不過不要講 But it won't be...
從羅馬東行 it won't be a story about traveling east from Rome
走向光明 而是反過來講 towards the light,but rather the opposite.
為了不表現得過於憂傷 So, in order not to make it too sad,
我給這章加了個副標題 I've pepped up the name of the chapter with an extra title.
[第六章 東正教會與天主教會] （無聲的鴨子）
倒退一下 I have to go back a bit.
我十二歲 學校野游 去山上 I was 12 years old and on a school trip in the hills.
- 你在逗我嗎 - 什麼意思 - Are you making fun of me? - What do you mean?
你不僅有了高潮 You have this orgasm,not only an orgasm
- 還是自發的高潮 - 是高潮 - but a spontaneous orgasm. - Yes, it was an orgasm,
但是醫生認為是癲癇發作 though the doctor described it as an epileptic seizure.
高潮的時候 你有了幻覺 And during that orgasm,you had this vision?
左右各有一個女人 Of these two women on each side of you.
我右邊的女人好像穿著 The woman on my right side seemed to be dressed
紫色和深紅色的衣服 in purple and scarlet
戴著很多黃金珠寶 with a lot of gold and pearls.
她手裡拿著金色酒杯 She was carrying a golden goblet in her hand.
她騎著某種奇怪的動物 She was sitting on some strange animal.
另一個女人穿著羅馬衣服 And then the other woman was dressed in Roman clothes,
懷裡抱著孩子 a baby on her arm
她的頭髮在面紗下飄動 and her hair lay in tight waves beneath a veil.
她是不是這樣捏著面紗 Was she holding the veil with two fingers like this?
至於另一個女人 And the other woman,
她騎的動物是不是有七個頭和十隻角 was she sitting on an animal with seven heads and ten horns?
只有一個頭 應該是某種公牛 The animal only had one head.It was kind of a bull.
怎麼了 What's the matter?
你在瞎編 You're making this up.
沒有 我在說我的第一次高潮 No, I'm not. I'm telling you about my first orgasm,
跟我在山上莫名其妙地 which came upon me without the slightest touch
受到的那些輕微的觸碰沒有關係 in some strange ways up in the mountains.
我以前從沒有過高潮 I never had achieved an orgasm before,
哪怕是自慰都沒達到過 even though I masturbated
那時我整個人感覺飄飄欲仙 as if my life depended on it during that time.
你的故事像是褻瀆版的 Your story is like a...blasphemous retelling
耶穌山上顯聖 of the Transfiguration of Jesus on the Mount,
是東正教會的一條聖路 which is one of the Eastern Church's holiest passages.
那時耶穌的人性 It's when the humanity of Christ is illuminated
被永恆的神之光點化 by the divine light of eternity.
耶穌 彼得和兩個信徒登上了山頂 Jesus, Peter and two disciples had climbed a mountain.
突然間 信徒看到 And suddenly,the disciples see this light
耶穌頭頂發出一道光 emanating from Jesus' head.
摩西和以利亞在他身旁顯靈 And Moses and Elijah appear by his side.
他們聽見了上帝的聲音 在呼喚他的兒子 And they hear the voice of God,calling him his son.
那兩個女人和你的關係 The relationship between...between the two women and you
就跟摩西 以利亞和耶穌的 would be the same as the relation
關係一樣 between Moses and Elijah and Jesus.
只不過是褻瀆版的 And that's where it becomes blasphemous.
我懂了 I see.
你都不 You don't even...
你都不認識那倆女人吧 you don't even know who these women were, do you?
不認識 不過有一個像聖母瑪利亞 No, but one of them did look like the Virgin Mary,
你這麼一說 now that you mention it.
肯定不是她 我保證 Well, it wasn't the Virgin Mary,I can tell you that.
從你的描述來看 From your description,
是瓦蕾利亞·馬薩琳娜 it must've been Valeria Messalina,
克勞迪亞斯國王的妻子 the wife of Emperor Claudius,
歷史上著名的性癮者[也是黑寡婦] the most notorious nymphomaniac in history.
我認為他很像畫像裡的那個女人 I thought she looked like your icon.
那是按盧浮宮裡的雕像畫的 We have that image from a statue in the Louvre.
像是赫得戈利亞 但不是宗教人士 差得遠呢 It's made like a Hodegetria, but it's not a religious person, far from it.
另一個 騎著動物的那個 And the other woman,the one astride the creature,
肯定是巴比倫時代著名的妓女 that was no one else but the great Whore of Babylon,
騎著公牛形態的尼姆羅德 riding on Nimrod in the form of a bull.
要是別人跟我講起來 If anyone else would've told me that story,
我肯定當成是瀆神的笑話 I would've seen it as a blasphemous joke,
把你自發的高潮 spiced up with a Biblical light
跟基督聯繫在一起 emanating from nothing less than a spontaneous orgasm.
仁慈的主啊 Goodness gracious.
你對聽者要求太高了 You demand a lot of your listener.
我發誓我對宗教一無所知 I promise you I'm as innocent in regards to the religious
當談到性的時候 as you are when it comes to sex.
耶穌在維納斯山的顯靈 The Transfiguration on the Venus Mount.
然後 你又得不到高潮了 And then later,you lost your orgasm altogether.
瓦格納 《萊茵河黃金》 Wagner. "Das Rheingold".
深入尼伯海姆 那麼糟糕嗎 The descent into Nibelheim.Was it that bad?
想象突然之間 Try to imagine that in one fell swoop,
你沒了閱讀的慾望 you lost all desire to read
你對書信的愛和激情也都消散了 and all your love and passion for books and letters.
我也不知道能不能想象出來 I don't even know if I can imagine that.
需要幫忙嗎 Can I help you?
在我之前的生命裡 But as so often before in my life,
經常有希望在神秘事件中萌生 a bit of hope sprang from a mystical event.
比如 Which was?
三片枯葉跳著奇怪的芭蕾 Three dead leaves performing a strange ballet.
那給了你希望？為什麼 That gave you hope?For what?
- 使我恢復了性慾 - 怎麼恢復 - For regaining my sexuality. - How?
使用力量 To claim it by force.
雖然我不斷嘗試 In spite of my tireless efforts,
我的下體始終沒有感覺 my cunt totally failed to respond.
實際上 我開始占據主動 But the fact that the initiative had shifted
對傑羅姆鼓舞很大 seemed to encourage Jerome greatly.
我承認 有一段時間 And I have to admit there came a time
我們在一起很快樂 when we had fun together.
我給你五塊錢 I'll give you a fiver.
嗯哼 Uh-huh.
只要你能把這個 If you can put this...
塞進你下面 up inside your cunt.
- 五塊錢 - 沒錯 - A fiver? - Right.
該死 Shit.
- 謝謝 - 不客氣 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
- 沒勺子嗎 - 沒有 - Didn't you get any spoons? - No, we didn't.
所以這故事的意義是什麼 So what does this tell us?
愛和性彼此沒有關係 That love and sex have nothing to do with each other, or...
甚至相互排斥 or that they decidedly work against one another?
最奇怪的是 那段時間 The most grotesque thing was that it was during that period,
我完全沒有性致 where every sexual sensation was denied me, a period,
與此同時 我也最有安全感和歸屬感 I must admit, of secure and restful domestic comfort.
我們還搬到一起住了 We had moved in together and so on,
就在那段時間 我懷孕了 that I became pregnant,
因為我沒及時吃藥 because I was careless about my birth control pills.
不管有意無意 Consciously or unconsciously,
我覺得做剖腹產很重要 it was important for me to have a Caesarean.
我還希望 自己的陰道能再活躍起來 I mean, I was hoping that my cunt was going to fucking work again,
而且我還覺得自然分娩 and I had a feeling that a haphazard birth
沒有作用 wouldn't make things better.
可能是我的幻覺 I may have been imagining things,
不過我躺在那 器械的聲音 but as I lay there,the noise from the instruments
在我聽來 像是小羊的叫聲 rang out in a chord like the one from the Little Flock.
就是那樣 我沒有恐懼 Yes. And it wasn't fear.
更像是噁心 More like a kind of disgust.
我發誓看到他笑了 I could've sworn I saw him laughing.
笑了嗎 A laughing son.
在《浮士德博士》中托馬斯·馬恩 In "Doctor Faustus",Thomas Mann describes
描述了諾亞之子漢姆 the birth of Noah's son Ham,
笑著降生的場景 who was laughing when he was born.
又一個惡魔的預兆 Another satanic omen.
我剛好給那無辜的孩子曲名馬塞爾 Incidentally, the innocent child was named Marcel after Mars,
基於羅馬戰神馬爾斯的名字 the Roman God of War.
做母親呢 And motherhood?
是不是母愛沒你想得那麼好 I assume maternal love didn't quite live up to its expectations.
我什麼都沒想 No, I didn't have any expectations.
母愛不是問題 And maternal love wasn't a problem.
只是每次我看著他的眼睛 It was just that each time I looked into the child's eyes,
都有一種被發現的失措感 I had this unsettling feeling of having been found out.
我知道說我的愛沒有回報很奇怪 It's probably a strange thing to say about a child...
因為他只是個嬰兒 that my love wasn't being returned.
可我就是這感覺 But it was my perception.
如果傑羅姆想從這繁重無比的體力活中 If Jerome had hoped for a break from what was for him
偷得一絲空閒 那是他痴心妄想 now mostly strenuous work,he could forget about it.
阿基里斯又要追逐烏龜了 Achilles was again chasing the tortoise.
- 填滿我所有的洞 - 我不行 喬 - Fill all my holes. - I can't, Joe.
抱歉 I'm sorry.
我會努力的 I'm trying.
- 能談談嗎 - 可以 - Can we talk a bit? - Of course.
我愛你 愛你的狂野 愛你的慾望 我愛你 I love you. I love your wildness and your desire. I love you, Joe.
當時我好像 At the moment,I don't seem to satisfy you
沒法滿足你的需求 in the way that I'd like to.
別沮喪 喬 Don't get upset, Joe.
我們還可以繼續性生活 It doesn't mean we won't continue with our sex life,
這對我很重要 which is very important to me.
非常重要 Very important to me.
你買了只老虎 When you buy a tiger, right,
就要喂它 you also have to feed it.
還要滿足它 對嗎 Um, satisfy it, right?
長話短說 Long story short.
我也有隻小老虎 I have a tiger on my hands.
- 你是說你承受不起 - 不是 - You mean I'm too much for you. - No.
你做自己就好 You're just the way you should be.
我只是想你是不是 I was just thinking if you would consider
可以自己滿足一下需求呢 that I get a little help with the feeding, that's all.
你是說我該找別人上床 You're saying I should have sex with others as well.
這麼說有點殘酷 喬 不過 That's a rather cruel way of putting it, Joe, but...
- 沒錯 - 沒錯 - But exact. - Exact.
我一直覺得 For a long time I'd been playing around with the idea
勾引男人用的打扮 that the concept of the fuck-me-now clothes
可以改進一下 could be improved.
你真美 You look nice.
於是就打扮成了鋼琴教師 And became the piano teacher.
- 你還好吧 - 不好 - You okay? - No.
- 什麼問題 - 我弄不明白車 - What's the matter? - Well, I'm such an idiot with cars.
根本不知道怎麼辦 幫幫我好嗎 I don't really know what to do.Do you mind helping me?
這怎麼能啟動 火花塞帽都沒了 Of course it won't work. The spark plug caps have been removed.
我拿掉的 不該這麼做嗎 Yes, I did that.Was that wrong?
這是我第一次 For the first time I had the pleasure
有了一輛八缸車 of having an eight-cylinder car.
八個火花塞帽 The possible combinations
和八個火花塞 of eight spark plug caps on eight spark plugs
有40320種組合 are 40,320,
如果我沒算錯的話 if I remember my math correctly.
可只有一種組合能發動汽車 And only one of these will make the car run,
這給了我充足的時間 which gave me all the time I needed.
貝多芬 他是不錯 Beethoven, huh?He was certainly very good,
可是 他寫不了賦格曲 but, you know,he couldn't write a fugue.
- 是嗎 - 那個 應該不能吧 - You think so? - Well, yeah, I think so.
應該說貝多芬 It would be more precise to say that Beethoven
革新了賦格曲 renewed the fugue.
但他十分有遠見 導致巴赫的死忠 That he was such a visionary that the old Bach purists,
都說他創作能力不行 they accused him of not mastering it.
怎麼樣 Good day?
關於鋼琴課 Not one word was ever spoken
我和傑羅姆一個字都沒談 between me and Jerome about my piano lessons.
我第一次收到 The first time the mysterious letters
神秘信件的時候 addressed to me arrived,
我害怕是那些我都忘記了姓名的人 I, of course, feared that they were love letters
寄來的情書 所以藏了起來 from someone I'd completely forgotten about and hid them,
讓傑羅姆看到會傷害他 so as not to hurt Jerome if he should see them.
但我收信的時候傑羅姆總會在場 But as Jerome was always somehow present when I would get the mail,
且信封經常是空的 and as the envelopes were always empty,
我懷疑事實上 I understood that the letters,in fact,
是傑羅姆寄來考驗我的 were sent by Jerome himself as a way of testing me.
我決定完全不去理會 My decision not to show them to him
他的擔心 was exactly the reaction he had feared,
但卻導致了他瘋狂的嫉妒 and it reaffirmed his insane jealousy
和無休止的胡思亂想 and his fantasies of the countless times
我想我是真的愛上鋼琴老師這個角色了 I would fall in love for real while being the piano teacher.
現在這部受難記 And now to reach the heart
到了核心部分 of your suffering Western Church,
我得向前跳三年 I have to jump ahead three years in the story
講講那次會面 我給它取名 and talk about my meeting with what I would call
"危險的人" "The Dangerous Men."
[危險的人]
我那段時間一個人陪著馬塞爾 I was alone with Marcel a lot during this period,
傑羅姆一直在外出差 as Jerome was traveling most of the time,
等他終於回了家 就天天數落我 and when he was finally home,he spent most of the time
不關心馬塞爾 accusing me of neglecting Marcel,
我覺得那只是藉口 which, in my opinion,
他是生氣我找了情人 was just a cover for his anger over my lovers.
婉轉點說 主動性群交 Despite my, to put it mildly,promiscuous initiatives,
不要說高潮 哪怕是丁點的滿足感 any sexual satisfaction,let alone orgasm,
都變得遙不可及了 was further away than ever before.
我一定要改變 I had to make a change.
而改變的關鍵居然一直 And somehow,the inspiration had been
就在我的窗下 right there beneath my window the whole time.
我打算做我以前從未做過 I'd planned to go where I would never before
只在夢中做過的事情 had dreamt of going.
例如 和跟我說不同語言的人做愛 For instance, to be with a man with whom I shared no spoken language.
想象兩人交合 卻不能交談 I could feel that it turned me on enormously
這種場景 to imagine a sexual situation
讓我無比性奮 in which verbal communication was impossible.
- 你好 - 你好 - Hello. - Hello.
我是托比亞斯 翻譯官 I'm Tobias, the interpreter.
我是喬 進來吧 Hello, I'm Joe. Come in.
聽說您精通非洲各國語言 I understand that you mastered the African languages.
有些基礎吧 I do have a basis.
需要我為您翻譯什麼 Who and what needs interpretation?
那個人 穿綠色夾克的 Um, that man.The one with the green jacket.
他說什麼語 What language is being spoken?
鬼才知道 Well, God knows. I...
我只知道他不說英語 All I know is that he doesn't speak English.
很有難度 It's quite difficult.
但我們盡力找到了一種方言 But, uh, we did manage to find a dialect,
還好我們都會說 of which we both had some knowledge.
嗯哼 Mm-hm.
你來嗎 You coming?
不 我就待這 你幫我傳達 No, I'll stay here,and the two of you communicate.
你去請他來和我做愛 You are to ask him if he wants to have sex with me.
- 做愛 - 沒錯 - Sex? - Mm-hmm.
好的 Yeah, um...
- 可以嗎 - 不好說 - Is it a go? - It's hard to say.
時間地點在這裡 但是 I've written down the time and place, but, um...
說實話 我也不知道 Honestly, I wouldn't like to take responsibility
該怎麼跟他措辭 這方面 for the precise wording in this case, which I think,
剛好算是 uh, accidentally may belong
我知識的一個灰色領域吧 to a grey zone in my profession.
地址是一家便宜的旅店 It was the address of a cheap hotel.
怎麼有兩個 Why were there two?
我也這麼想的 My words exactly.
N帶了他弟弟一起 Apparently, N had brought his brother along.
他生什麼氣 Why was he so angry?
他們之間有點恩怨 Clearly, it was something personal between them,
後來我才知道雙管齊下 but later I heard that performing a sandwich
是很敏感的事 requires great sensitivity,since the men apparently
因為他們能互相感覺到 can feel each other through the tissue.
兩個黑人在樓梯上 I imagine the quarrel had already started on the stairs
就一直爭論 and that one or the other party had laid claim
哪個洞歸誰 to one or the other of my holes
但是意見不統一 in conflict with his Negro brother's interests.
你不該那麼說 You shouldn't use that word.
這樣政治不正確 It's not what you call politically correct.
黑人 Negro.
不好意思 但在我的圈子裡 Well, excuse me,but in my circles,
大家都推崇實事求是 it's always been a mark of honor to call a spade a spade.
每禁止一個詞 Each time a word becomes prohibited,
都是在動搖民主的基石 you remove a stone from the democratic foundation.
面對難題 使用禁言的方法 Society demonstrates its impotence in the face of a concrete problem
是社會無能的表現 by removing words from the language.
焚燒書籍對於現代社會什麼用也沒有 The book burners have nothing on modern society.
社會應該宣揚的是 I think society would claim
強調政治正確的表達方式 that politically correctness is a very precise expression
是對少數群體的關注 of democratic concern for minorities.
我覺得社會跟人民一樣懦弱 And I say that society is as cowardly as the people in it
而人民太蠢 不配擁有民主 who, in my opinion, are also too stupid for democracy.
我理解 但完全不同意 I understand your point,but I totally disagree.
我不懷疑人類的品質 I have no doubt in the human qualities.
人類的品質只有這一個 The human qualities can be expressed in one word:
虛偽 hypocrisy.
我們推崇陽奉陰違的人 We elevate those who say right but mean wrong,
卻嘲笑忠言逆耳的人 and mock those who say wrong but mean right.
社會的基礎不該是憎惡 Society is based on hate.
應該是原諒 It should be based on forgiveness.
憎惡是最低級的 Hatred is rudimentary.
人應該學會原諒劊子手 One should be able to forgive one's executioner.
我還可以告訴你 By the way, I can assure you
說黑人沒法讓自己性奮的女人都在說謊 that women who claim that Negros don't turn them on are lying.
他們滿足你了嗎 So, did they satisfy you?
那些黑 黑人 Those Ne... Negros.
沒有 但他們給我展示了異國風情 No, but they showed me that there was a world far from mine
讓我想去探索 I had to explore.
去異國 也許是地球那頭 And there, or perhaps on the other side
找回我的生活 get my life back.
你是誰 Who are you?
我知道你是做什麼的 I know what you do.
我想成為你的客戶 I'd like to be one of the women you see.
我沒興趣 That's of no interest.
女士 Madame.
公主 我特意強調了五天 Princess,I specifically said five days,
現在還不到時候呢 and five days haven't gone yet.
所以 你還是走吧 不好意思 So, you'll have to leave.Sorry.
你怎麼還在這 You still here?
我 I, uh...
我覺得你不適合這個 I don't think this is for you.
要不我們做個小測試 Shall we conduct a small test?
站起來吧 Stand up.
請你坐著 Sit down, please.
我只是想讓你坐著 完全放鬆 I just want you to sit completely relaxed
而我要打你的臉 while I hit you in the face.
沒別的 Nothing special.
就是 就是扇一巴掌 It's just a...it's just a slap.
準備好了嗎 You ready?
好了 I'm ready.
不要 No!
看吧 See?
好神秘 How mysterious.
你要給出個合理的解釋嗎 Will you give me a reasonable explanation now,
還是接著講 or shall we wait?
我沒法給你解釋 I can't give you an explanation
更談不上合理 and certainly not a reasonable one.
傳言他是幹什麼的 What exactly were the rumors about him?
- 他很暴力 - 這能讓人性奮嗎 - That he was violent. - How can that be exciting?
想想我的過去 I think the easiest way to understand it
就不難理解了吧 is to refer to my rebellious nature.
K的行當是我極為反對的 This business of K's was something I was completely against.
我求助於他 是走投無路 So, the fact that I was now contacting him
孤注一擲 was a last, desperate attempt
想要喚醒自己的身體 to rehabilitate my sexuality.
K的行當是關鍵 The system was the overriding factor with K.
暴力的行當嗎 A system of violence?
是你選的 Well, you were the one
受難的天主教會 who insisted on the Western Church, right?
而且我記得 And I... I seem to remember
崇尚追求磨難不僅僅是暴力 that the systematic approach to the crucifixion
更有施虐傾向 is of a violent and not to say sadistic nature.
是啊 天主教有著崇尚暴力的系統 Oh yes, the Passion of Christ is full of systematic violence.
悲傷之路 耶穌行刑前走過的路 The Via Dolorosa,the Nine Stations of the Cross,
以及39次鞭笞 and the 39 lashes.
我有點生氣了 You are beginning to irritate me.
我來告訴你規矩 Let me tell you the rules, then.
第一條規矩 我不跟你上床 The first rule is that I don't fuck you,
不要跟我亂糾纏 and there isn't any discussions about that.
那你能得到什麼 Then, what do you get out of it?
那是我的事 請你別再問了 That's my business, and I don't mean to mention it again.
第二條規矩 沒有安全詞 The second rule is that we have no safe word,
就是說你跟我進去 meaning that if you,uh, go inside with me,
不管你說什麼 there is nothing that you can say
我做的事 都不會停下來 that will make me stop any plan or procedure.
你要自帶皮頭的馬鞭 You must bring a brown,used leather riding crop.
別去成人用品店買 And not one from a shop selling sex toys.
這不是在玩 It's not a masquerade.
第三條 Third rule...
我放你進去前 你都要坐在這 If I choose to let you in,you have to be sitting out here.
也就是說 時間不事先通知你 In other words, you...you won't know when.
只告訴你是在下午兩點到六點 Only that it would be some time between 2:00 and 6:00 at night.
我不能待那麼晚 I can't stay here that late.
我的保姆靠不住 我不能撇下孩子 My babysitter's not reliable,and I can't leave my child.
你都不知道我叫什麼 You don't even know my name!
我不感興趣 I'm not interested in your name.
你在這就叫 Here, your name is...
費多 Fido.
需要些什麼 Can I help you?
我想買馬鞭 I'd like to buy a riding crop.
- 做什麼用 - 給我的馬用 - For what? - For my horse.
我懂 哪種馬 Yes, I understand that part.What kind of horse?
不是很大的馬 Well, it's not very big.
不 是盛裝舞步用還是跳欄用 No, I just meant is the whip for dressage or for jumping?
呃 Um...
我不知道 I don't know.
這個是盛裝舞步用的 This is a dressage whip.
那跳欄用的呢 Well, it's probably for jumping, then.
好的 這個 Okay. Like this?
- 這個被用過嗎 - 沒 - Is it used? - No.
是有用過的馬鞭 比這要便宜些 We do have used whips,but these are not that expensive.
我寧願要用過的 I prefer a used one.
好的 Okay.
馬塞爾醒了 Marcel’s awake.
想跟媽媽說再見嗎 Do you want to say goodbye to your mom?
再見 Goodbye.
費多 Fido...
大衣給我吧 I'll take your coat.
請把頭髮盤起來 I'd like you to have your hair up.
用這個吧 You can use this.
以防我突然需要打你耳光 Just in case it becomes necessary for me to hit you in the face.
衣服要脫嗎 Should I take my clothes off?
你幹什麼 什麼時候乾 要聽我的 I'll tell you what to do and when.
坐下吧 You may sit down.
把手給我 Give me your hand.
我想看看這個結打在你手腕上怎麼樣 I wanna see what this knot looks like on your wrist.
好了 Okay.
站起來吧 You may get up.
- 趴在這 - 怎麼趴 - Now you may bend down. - How?
到椅子那 Approach the chair.
彎下腰 Now bend from the hips.
看前面 看前面 頭抬起來 Look forward. Look forward.With your head up.
抬起來 一直看前面 Head up.Keep looking forward.
看前面 Keep looking forward.
站起來吧 You may stand up.
還是用沙發吧 We have to use the couch.
這邊 Come this way.
放鬆 放鬆 Take it easy. Take it easy.
趴下去 Bend over.
胳膊伸直 Lay your arms out straight.
放鬆 放鬆 Take it easy. Take it easy.
手伸直 Bring your hands out straight.
合掌 Palms facing each other.
放鬆 Take it easy.
下次不要穿內褲 Next time, don't wear knickers.
你的屁股不夠高 Your ass is not high enough.
今天恐怕不行了 I don't think we can do this today.
什麼 What?
你周四再來吧 I'd like to see you again on Thursday.
怎麼回事 What's wrong?
周四過來再看看吧 I think we should see how it goes on Thursday.
你好 我現在不方便接電話 Hi, I can't come to the phone right now.
請留言 Please, leave a message.
我是馬塞爾的母親 Yes, this is Marcel’s mother again.
已經一點半了 不是約好了嗎 It's now 1:30.We had an agreement.
收到留言趕緊過來 I hope you get this message and come as quickly as you can.
馬塞爾在睡覺 Ah, Marcel is sleeping.
我得走了 Uh... I have to go now.
身子抬起來 Raise yourself up.
再抬高點 Even further.
好多了 Better.
也強多了 強多了 Also so much better.So much better.
我要鞭打你12下 I am now going to hit you 12 times,
你怎麼喊都不停 no matter how much you scream
因為沒人聽得到你 'cause no one can hear you down here.
不是 不是這樣的 That's, uh, that's not how it goes.
一般我不打下去 客戶不會喊 Most people don't scream until I hit them.
好了 That's it.
- 謝謝 - 不客氣 - Thank you. - You're very welcome.
喂 你還在聽麼 Hello? Are you there?
太奇怪了 It's just all so very strange.
沒錯 實在是太奇怪了 Yes. Very, very strange.
因為第二次我濕了 毫無疑問 Because I was wetter the second time.There's no doubt about it.
我不知道性取向從何而來 I don't know where we get our sexuality from
也不知道施受虐從何而來 or where tendencies of this kind come from.
也許是童年埋下的變態心理 Probably a perversion created in our childhood
一直沒顯露出來 that never manifested itself before.
巧的是 弗洛伊德認為恰恰相反 Well, oddly enough,Freud says the opposite.
他討論過童年時期的多種變態心理 He talks about the polymorphic perversion of a child,
即使是孩子 也存在著各種變態心理 meaning that in a child,all kinds of perversions exist.
而我們的童年 就是在磨滅 And then we use the childhood to diminish
和消除這些心理 or remove some of them.
孩子有多種性取向 Basically, a child is sexually polymorphic,
而對嬰兒來說 一切皆是性 and everything is sexuality in an infant.
可是我感覺很奇怪 And yet it was deeply bizarre
趴在那裡 尤其是有趴在那的慾望 to lie there and especially to want to lie there.
我感覺我無敵了 I felt invincible.
但更像一個盆栽 But mostly,I felt like a potted plant.
盆栽 Potted plant?
沒錯 因為他不斷地檢查我下體的愛液 Yes, because he was constantly checking my cunt juice.
就像老婦人檢查盆栽需不需要澆水那樣 The way old ladies check their potted plant to see if they need watering.
可是面對沒體驗過的痛苦 It is an interesting point that you actually lubricated
你居然也有了反應 in expectation for a pain that you hadn't experienced.
即使知道不會做愛 Your body prepared itself for an intercourse
你的身體還是做好了準備 that you knew wouldn't happen.
那種情緒只能是性奮 I can only describe the mood as sexual.
儘管K長得不算成熟 Despite K's immature appearance,
但他的手法十分專業 his methods were surprisingly refined.
他鞭打著我 我不斷扭動 As I twisted and turned while he was whipping me,
我發現他打的結非常聰明 I could feel how clever his knots were.
越掙扎越緊 If I fought them,they would get tighter,
如果放鬆 繩結也會松 and as I relaxed,it seemed they did, too.
嗯 Hmm.
就像貓捉老鼠 Like a cat playing with a mouse.
讓老鼠天真得以為還有機會逃走 Fooling it to believe it has a chance of escape
實則早已是囊中之物 and then attacking it again.
我不知道K用的是什麼結 I don't know what kind of knot K used,
我知道一種結受力之後會變緊 but I know of a knot that tightens when force is exerted
反之則會變松 叫做普魯斯科結 and vice versa.It's called a Prusik knot.
得名於一個叫普魯斯科的人 It's after a man called Prusik.
他是一個攀岩愛好者 He was a mountain climber,
他和一個朋友結伴攀岩 and he and a friend were out climbing
結果出事了 他朋友死了 and they had an accident,and his friend died.
他吊在半空中繩子上 And he ended up hanging at the end of a rope
根本爬不上去 with no possibility of getting up.
攀岩用繩是沒法用來攀爬的 You know, you can't climb up a mountain climber rope.
因為太細了 It's too thin.
不過他非常聰明 無路可退 But he was an intelligent man,and with his back to the wall,
更是激發了他 he was a genius.
他把鞋帶從靴子上取下來 And he took the shoelaces out of his boots
卷了兩圈綁到登山繩上 and made two loops and affixed them to the rope.
這樣不用力踩的時候 And he could move these up
繩結可以上移 when they weren't under tension.
然後他就可以踩在繩結上往上爬 And then he could step into them
並最終脫困 and climb the rope and save himself.
普魯斯科 Prusik.
我覺得這是你最無聊的題外話 I think this was one of your weakest digressions.
- 我能繼續講嗎 - 講吧 - May I continue? - Be my guest.
明天同樣帶15個小硬幣來 Tomorrow bring 15 small coins,all the same.
不能多也不能少 No more, no less.
我有時會送出聖誕禮物 I sometimes give a Christmas present.
但這個禮物你得自己完成 But uh, you have to do the work yourself.
我跟你說該怎麼做 I'm going to show you how to do it.
這個叫做血結 This is called a blood knot.
你需要在九根繩子上各系三個血結 You have to make nine ropes with three blood knots on each.
來做一個試試 Let me see you do it.
你自己決定每個結是卷四圈 五圈 You decide whether to make four, five, or six turns
還是六圈 on the various knots.
給我看看 Let me see.
沒問題 That's fine.
你在繩子頂端 If you... if you start with one knot
打了一個結後 at the top of the rope,
然後隔10公分和20公分 and then you have to put two more knots at a distance of...
再打兩個結 Well, between 10 and 20 centimeters to be exact,
但最重要的是 but the most important thing with blood knots
九根繩子上的血結要在不同位置 on the nine ropes is that they are placed differently
並交錯排列 and that they are staggered.
九尾鞭在船上經常被稱作 The cat-o-nine-tails is often called
“船長的女兒” the "Captain's Daughter"aboard ships.
血結很重要 The blood knot is important
因為是它們在刺激皮膚 because those are the ones that break the skin and not,
而很多人卻錯誤地以為是繩端 as erroneously thought,the end of the rope.
絞刑架的繩結也是血結的一種 有很多圈 A gallows knot is also a kind of a blood knot with many turns.
美國軍用標準是15圈 The American military standard demanded five to 15 turns,
繩結繞過罪犯的左耳 as it was the turns placed behind the left ear of the delinquent
當墜下的時候直接能把脖子折斷 that would break the neck of the condemned as he fell.
我來拿走 I'll take it from here.
喬 Joe?
在嗎 Hello?
馬塞爾 Marcel?
馬塞爾 Marcel.
- 你還喜歡我嗎 - 是的 - Are you fond of me still? - Yes.
比起其他人更喜歡我嗎 More fond of me than the others?
- 是嗎 - 對 - Yes? - Yes.
你今晚不會又想出去吧 You're not thinking of leaving again tonight, are you?
- 沒有 - 沒有嗎 - No. - No?
- 沒有 完全沒有 - 你確定嗎 - No, no. Not at all. - You sure?
我確定 Yeah.
你在對我撒謊嗎 喬 Are you lying to me, Joe?
- 沒有 - 誠實點 - No. - Be honest.
沒關係的 你他媽的說啊 It's all right.Just fucking say it.
不 我就想呆在這裡 No, I... I just want to be here.
為什麼 Why?
我不知道 I don't know.
如果你今晚再離開 If you leave tonight,
你這輩子就再也別想見到我或者馬塞爾 you'll never see me or Marcel ever again in your life.
你明白了嗎 You understand?
這是在說再見嗎 Is this goodbye?
你是在說再見嗎 Is that what you're saying?
馬塞爾 起來 Marcel, get up.
- 別這樣 - 你不就想這樣嗎 - Stop it. - Is that what you want?
現在你能看清他了 看著他 喬 Yeah, so you could see him.Look at him, Joe.
清醒點吧 喬 你不適合做母親 Let's face it,Joe, you're not a mother.
我們把他叫醒吧 Let's wake him up.
馬塞爾 小寶貝 跟我說 "媽媽再見" Marcel, baby boy.Say bye, Mom.
- 請把他放回去 - 你不就想要這樣嗎 - Please, put him... - Is this what you want?
聽到沒有 You see?
聽到沒有 他需要你 You see, he wants you.
過來 Come.
今天是聖誕節 他媽的聖誕節啊 It's Christmas.It's fucking Christmas.
這是怎麼回事 What is this?
今天這位女士需要再等一等 Today it's Madame who must wait.
女士 我非常抱歉 Madame, I'm very sorry,
不過有需要先跟費多說幾句話 but I have to have a few words with Fido first.
你今天的行為真心讓我失望 Your behavior is really upsetting me today.
我覺得應該送你回家 I really ought to send you home.
聖誕快樂 費多 Happy Christmas, Fido.
- 我想要你的雞巴 - 你說什麼 - I want your cock. - What did you say?
我想要你的雞巴 I want your cock.
不 不 不行 別這樣 No, you don't.No, you don't.
你今天到底怎麼了 What's the matter with you today?
鑒於今天是節日 再加上你今天的表現 On account of the holidays and your behavior today,
我用羅馬的刑罰 給你四十鞭 I'm going to give you the original Roman maximum
準備好了嗎 費多 of 40 lashes.Are you ready, Fido?
我準備好了 I'm ready.
一 One.
二 Two.
三 Three.
四 Four.
五 Five.
六 Six.
我看了K系繩結的手法 I'd seen through K's knot technique,
所以我能稍稍挪動身體 so I was able to loosen my position a bit
讓陰蒂 to move my pelvis and thereby stimulate
摩擦書的封面 my clitoris against the cover of the book.
四十 Forty.
你回家以後 傑羅姆和孩子都不見了嗎 And when you came home,Jerome and the child were gone?
之後我再也沒見過馬塞爾 I haven't seen Marcel since.
我討厭多愁善感 This sentimentality...I hate it.
- 為什麼 - 因為這是個謊言 - Why? - Because it's a lie.
你確定嗎 Are you sure?
傑羅姆知道他自己也不可能 Jerome understood that he couldn't prioritize
為了孩子改變自己的生活 his life according to a child either,
所以他把孩子給人寄養 so he put him in a foster home.
我跟孩子唯一的聯繫 My only contact to the boy is the thousand pounds
只有我每月存進他賬戶的一千英鎊 I put in his account every month.
匿名的 Anonymously.
作為贖罪 As a penance.
每當我離開時 Every time I leave,
我有種感覺 我回來時你就不見了 I have this feeling that when I return, you'll be gone.
我能聽到貓洞的門 And all I can hear is the cat flap,
來回擺動的聲音 swinging back and forth.
謝謝 我不知道這裡還有貓洞 Thank you. I didn't know you had a cat flap.
我以前養過貓 I used to have a cat,
所以我在朝著樓梯井的門上開了貓洞 so I have a cat flap in the door to the stairwell.
但貓怎麼出的去呢 But how did it get outside?
我沒考慮過 可能是從地下室吧 I never thought of that.I suppose through the basement.
問題是 The thing is...
每當有人朝街上開門時 Every time someone opens the door to the street,
貓洞就吱吱作響 the cat flap squeaks.
屋裡有很多股氣流 There's a lot of drafts in the house.
它還沒響呢 It hasn't squeaked yet.
不 並不是一直有人進進出出 No, there's not many people coming and going.
有點毛骨悚然 That's a bit creepy.
我喜歡 No, I like it.
能讓我平靜下來 It's... it's peaceful.
聽了這麼多傷心事 我能問一下安靜的鴨子是怎麼回事嗎 After all this sadness, may I ask what happened to the silent duck?
該死 安靜的鴨子 Oh, shit. The silent duck.
我完全忘記了 I'd forgotten all about it.
有天晚上的K One night K had been in what was for him
心情難得的好 an unusually good mood.
我不知道什麼原因 不過他沒怎麼用力打我 I don't know what caused it,but he didn't hit hard,
還開玩笑說要告訴我 and he joked that he would introduce me
什麼是"安靜的鴨子" to the concept of the silent duck.
簡直不敢想象"吵鬧的鴨子"是什麼樣的 One hardly dare imagine the quacking duck.
內心深處 Well, deep down,
K似乎是一個 little K seems to have been a jolly man
多才多藝的人 with versatile talents.
不過羅馬的鞭刑 But he got that bit about Roman punishment
他沒有研究明白 and the 40 lashes wrong.
儘管四十鞭確實是最高懲罰 Because it's true that the highest punishment
可需要分三次進行 was 40 lashes, but it had to be delivered in series of three.
這就是為什麼耶穌只受了三十九鞭 That's why Jesus only got 39 lashes
因為三十九是三的倍數 四十卻不是 because three goes into 39 but not into 40.
我不知道K是不是很享受 Well, I don't know about K being jolly.
他在施虐狂的位置上 His position as a sadist
也許並不是我們想象的那樣令人羡慕 wasn't perhaps as enviable as it might first appear.
表面上看 施虐狂是決策者 Superficially, the sadist acts as the decider.
但有一次我和一個妓女聊天 But I once had a conversation with a prostitute,
她嘗試過各種花樣 who had tried all the variations in her field.
所以對任何方式都不會感到驚喜 She wasn't surprised by anything.
她說只有受虐 And she admitted to have only masochists.
對她來說 受虐 Masochists, for her,
是最讓人感到被迫和忘恩負義的 were the most demanding and the most ungrateful.
首先 看透她們的想法 First, she were to deduce their desire
推測她們的慾望 by reading their thoughts,
然後是一成不變地施虐 then perform without any alteration from the norm,
不像其他客戶 and after which,unlike other clients
和有涵養的的施虐狂 and the most honorable sadists,for example,
你從未收到過任何感謝 you never received any thanks,
更別說禮物和花了 let alone gifts or flowers.
從此我再也沒有去過那裡 I never went in that direction again,
也沒有找過K或其他受虐狂 neither back to K or masochism.
但我找回了性高潮 But I took the orgasm with me.
你還沒有給我展示什麼是“惡意” You yet have to show me one single example of maliciousness.
我一直說到現在了 But that's all I'm doing!
如果你想曲解我的意思 It's as if you want to misunderstand me.
那你繼續給我卑鄙和自私的行為 You keep inventing complicated and false excuses
編造複雜和虛偽的藉口 for my despicable and selfish actions.
那時傑羅姆已經盡了最大努力 During the time when our relationship
但我們的關係還是每況愈下 was going downhill,Jerome really tried his best.
我給你買了禮物 I bought you something.
- 你給我買了禮物 - 我肯定你會喜歡 - You bought me something? - I'm sure you'll love it.
- 哇哦 是戒指 - 沒錯 - Wow, it's a ring. - Yeah.
太漂亮了 It's beautiful.
我根本不了解傑羅姆的收入來源 It was impossible for me to work out Jerome's income.
他有時腰纏萬貫有時又一貧如洗 Sometimes he had lots of money and other times none,
後來我明白也許 which I later thought perhaps
他的工作不是能見天日的那種 meant that his work was not entirely above board.
但是這次他已經全力以赴了 But this time he'd really gone all out.
- 這戒指一定很貴 - 是不便宜 - That must've been so expensive. - Well, it wasn't cheap.
- 真是巧奪天工 - 嗯 - Best craftsmanship. - Hmm.
我向你保證用了最好的工藝 I'll guarantee you that.
我們來玩遊戲吧 Let's play a game, then.
- 遊戲 - 嗯 起來 - A game? - Mm-hmm. Get up.
好的 Okay.
- 叫“灰姑娘”的遊戲 - 我沒聽過 - It's called "Cinderella". - I don't know it.
- 我教你 - 好的 - You will. - Okay.
- 行了 - 你不能碰它 - Right. - No, you don't touch it.
- 好了 - 你只能看著它 - Okay. - You just look at it.
準備好了嗎 Okay? Are you ready?
- 好了 - 預備 - Yes. - Steady.
預備 Steady.
- 開始 - 我操 喬 - Go. - Fuck! Joe!
加油 灰姑娘 Come on, Cinderella.
- 哦了個操 - 加油 繼續 - Oh, fuck. - Come on, come on.
喬 我勒個去 Joe! For fuck's sake.
- 快 - 灰姑娘 灰姑娘 - Move! - Cinderella, Cinderella!
我操 喬 你瘋了嗎 Fuck! Are you mad, Joe?
你他媽有病啊 我操 Are you fucking mad?Fuck! Fuck.
我可是花了7000英鎊啊 ￡7,000, Joe!
他找到了沒 Did he find it?
找到了 並把錢全部退了回來 Oh yes, and returned it and got all his money back.
這樣你還不能把這個遊戲稱作“惡意”嗎 So can you call this game anything other than malicious?
讓我再細想一下 Let me chew on that for a while.
你脖子上帶的是鑽石項鏈嗎 So it wasn't the diamond that you're wearing around your neck?
是的 但也是別人送我的禮物 No. But that was a gift, too.
老實說 But I have to be honest and say
我都不記得是誰送的了 I can't remember the person who gave it to me.
我一直對 I've always been in...in the theoretical way, of course,
鑽石和它們的切割工藝很感興趣 interested in diamonds and their cuts.
"brilliant"這個詞指的就是切割 The word "brilliant"refers to the cut.
鑽石就是這種石頭 Diamond is the stone.
如果我們用“天賜”這個詞 If we use the word "divine" in connection
將黃金分割與斐波那契聯繫起來 with the Golden Section and Fibonacci,
鑽石切割簡直就是 the brilliant cut is nothing less.
令人可怕的精細切割 It's a frighteningly refined cut.
有57個面 Fifty-seven facets.
光線從頂部平面照進去 The theory is that the light enters through the top plane,
某些語言中叫做“鏡面” which is called the table or in some languages the mirror,
通過鑽石所有面的折射 and then inside the diamond is refracted in all the facets
光線原路折回 and thrown out the same way,
形成絕對獨一無二的光照效應 creating a absolutely unique light effect.
因此被稱作鏡子 我不是很懂 So, it's called a mirror.I didn't know that.
你也有一面鏡子 You have a mirror, too.
沒錯 Yeah.
能映射出心境 對嗎 It's like a thought, isn't it?
[第七章 鏡子]
幾年以後 Some years later,
受虐的不良後果出現了 the bodily abuse began to have an effect.
一開始陰蒂偶爾出血 First, rare bleedings from my clitoris,
可是之後變得越來越頻繁 but then they became more and more frequent.
請進 Come in.
我真的很需要工資 But I really need my salary.
我明白 I know.
我也很樂意幫你 And I'd like to help you.
你聽說過關於你自己的流言了嗎 Have you heard any of the rumors about yourself?
他們說你每天晚上都會見男人 They say you see men every evening
然後一起過夜 and spend all night with them.
他們說無法信任你 所有人都這麼想 They say you can't be trusted,all of them.
他們為什麼會這麼說 Why do they say that?
我猜他們可能是害怕 I suppose they're afraid that I...
我會對她們的男人下手 I can't keep away from their men.
有道理 你能做到嗎 Right. And can you?
不能 No.
我跟一位心理學家聊過了 I've spoken with a psychologist.
他說你是成癮了 He says you're addicted,
但不是那種可以靠藥物戒除的癮 but that it's not the kind of addiction that can't be treated.
他們有幾個小組 They have some groups.
我知道這種小組 I know about these kinds of groups.
我跟心理學家沒有什麼好說的 I don't have anything to say to a psychologist.
我不是在建議你 我要求你立即治療 I'm not suggesting therapy.I'm demanding it.
即使你辭職 下份工作一樣會這麼要求 Even if you leave us,it'll be the same at your next job
下下份工作也一樣 and the one after that.
為什麼你不願意和心理學家談談 Why didn't you want to speak with a psychologist?
都是陳年往事了 我不喜歡他們 It's an old story.I just don't like them.
如果你堅持讓我理解你 Well, if you insist that I try to understand,
你應該把往事告訴我 then you have to tell me that story as well.
陳年往事 The old story.
好吧 Okay. Okay.
其實也不算陳年往事 It's not that old after all.
大約在我離開馬歇爾和傑羅姆的一年後 It was about a year after I'd lost Marcel and Jerome.
好了 Okay.
我以前總是忘記吃避孕藥 I'd been careless with my birth control pills before,
現在我根本不吃了 and now I just didn't use them.
是與馬歇爾的經歷 Didn't the whole experience with Marcel
讓你確定這輩子都不再要孩子嗎 convince you that there was no room for children in your life?
沒錯 That's right.
聽起來有些不可理解 I know it sounds incomprehensible,
實際上 是我對不吃避孕藥 but actually, it was because of my crippling fear
而懷孕感到太恐懼了 of becoming pregnant that I didn't take the pills.
你不可能理解的 It's probably impossible to understand.
不 我能理解 No, it makes sense to me.
你如此害怕懷孕 You were so afraid of getting pregnant
是因為你已經抑制了所有的可能性 that you repressed the possibility of it.
你甚至不去看裝藥的盒子 You couldn't even handle seeing the box of pills.
好了 Okay.
可以關了嗎 Would you turn it down?
你可以通過屏幕看到你的孩子 If you look at the screen you can see your child,
但我不能告訴你胎兒性別 but I can't tell you the gender yet.
我才不關心什麼性別 I don't give a shit about the gender.
我想墮胎 I want it removed.
好的 你才懷孕十一周 Okay. Uh, you're in week eleven.
墮胎在法律上沒有問題 So legally, there are no barriers for an abortion.
我知道了 把孩子打掉吧 Yes, I know that.Just remove it.
好的 我們有一些程序要走 Well, we have some procedures to follow.
沒啥好說的 There's nothing more to talk about.
我要把孩子打掉 我想墮胎 I can have it removed.I want it removed.
這事很重大 別這麼匆忙決定 It is a very big decision,best not made in haste.
你沒聽懂我剛才說了什麼嗎 Didn't you understand what I just said?
在辦理墮胎程序之前 Okay, there's an informative consultation
你需要找心理學家咨詢 with our psychologist before you can have the procedure.
你還沒有填表 You didn't really fill out the form.
也許是你沒時間 Maybe you didn't have time,
但我還是要問幾個問題 uh, so I will need to ask a few more questions.
目前你生活中最重要的事是什麼 What's the most important thing in your life right now?
比如家庭 朋友等等 It could be many things,your family, your friends, your...
目前我最重要的事就是 The most important thing for me right now
去做墮胎手術 is to get an abortion.
沒錯 這就是我們要一起解決的問題 Yes. Well, that's what we're going to resolve together.
我需要些信息 I need some information.
你愛孩子的父親嗎 Do you love the father?
不關你的事 That's none of your business.
對你的情況有個大致了解 Well, it is my business because I'm here to form
是我的事情 an impression of your circumstances.
這是我的工作 That's my job.
你是想讓我回答 Okay, so what would you most like me
孩子父親的事還是他媽的墮胎手術的事 to answer about the father in order to get the fucking abortion?
我愛不愛他又怎樣 That I love him,or that I don't love him?
我甚至不知道孩子父親是誰 就因為我搞了無數男人 Or that I... I don't know him because I fuck tons of men?
你在醫生檢查時 I, uh, see that you were emotional
情緒過激了 during the doctor's examination.
我認為你才是過激了 I think you're emotional.
聽好 這就是信息咨詢 Please, listen. This is what we call an informative consultation.
我為什麼要接受這個 What is it I need to be informed of?
你們又不能把流掉的孩子塞回肚子裡面 That you can't stuff the kid back inside?
我已經了解了 I already know that.
我需要確認 I just need to be certain
你是否完全堅信你的選擇 that you're completely sure about your choice,
根據你的行為 以我專業眼光看來 and my professional opinion based on your behavior
顯然你在動搖 is that clearly you're not.
我已經堅定得不能再堅定了 I've never been more sure in my life.
我現在就要墮胎 I want that fetus out right now.
根據目前的對話 出於專業考慮 And as a professional, I cannot defend recommending an abortion
我對墮胎手術持保留意見 based on this conversation.
我已經有過一個孩子了 我知道該怎麼做 I've already had a kid!I know what I want!
去你媽的 Fuck you.
有很多方式來墮胎 There were,of course, many ways to do it.
但我還是得遵循通常的醫療程序 But I had chosen to follow the common medical procedure
我以前學醫時學過 I had learnt while studying medicine,
對我來說尤為重要 as it was of great importance for me
直接把胎兒取出來 to get the fetus out straight away rather than wait for it
總比幾天后等他流出來好 to be expelled a couple of days later.
顯然 最痛苦的部分就是 Clearly, the most painful part
將子宮頸逐漸撐開 would be the gradual opening of the cervix,
正常情況下都是麻醉後做的 which otherwise was always done under anesthesia.
說話啊 小丑 Say something, Pierrot.
什麼意思 What do you mean?
你總是有很多聰明的理論要說 Well, you always have so many clever things to say.
我為你感到遺憾 Well, I... I feel bad for you
你不得不承受了那麼多痛苦 that you had to cause yourself so much pain.
但是對於墮胎我還是完全無法理解 But the... the abortion is completely understandable.
你只是簡單地以為 You simply thought the child
孩子的生命毫無意義 wouldn't have a life worth living, so...
沒錯 但只是針對墮胎本身 Yeah, but the abortion in itself.
- 墮胎不是謀殺 - 得了吧 - Abortion is not murder. - Oh, come on.
不要為我虛假的陳詞濫調辯解 Don't fall back on false cliches just for my sake.
我再問一遍 你對墮胎持什麼意見 I ask again,what about the abortion?
我沒有意見 I have no comment.
我是墮胎權利的支持者 I'm a big proponent for abortion rights,
但這是絕對的女性領域 but this is 100% female territory.
我不相信男人能理解 I don't believe a man can ever comprehend
這種狀態或痛苦 the situation or the pain.
說到方法 我想還是盡量少提及為好 And when it comes to the method,I think the less said, the better.
你提到了兩種有趣的觀點 Those are two very interesting points of view.
第一 你說作為男人 First, you say that as a man,
你無法理解女人墮胎 you can't understand a woman's feelings
所承受的痛苦 with regard to abortion.
這有點類似於你說你不理解 Well, that's a bit like saying that I couldn't understand
地震的受難者 因為他們是中國人 the victims of earthquakes because they were Chinese.
我認為我們應該能在 I thought we agreed that empathy
最基本的人道主義上達成共識 was the foundation of all humanism.
但我明白 男人可以很方便的 But I can see that it's very convenient for men
把墮胎的所有問題拋給女人 to leave all that abortion stuff to women.
包括所有的瑣事 That way they don't have to deal with the guilt
他們這樣做完全沒有內疚感 and all of the small stuff.
但你另一個觀點更加惹怒了我 But your other remark provokes me even more.
你認為方法不值得討論 You think my method is not worth discussing?
不要說我 更別說一個懷孕的年輕女孩 What enjoyment would I,or let alone a young pregnant girl,
在聽到關於在診所或其他方式 have from hearing all the lurid details
墮胎的那些聳人聽聞的細節後會有什麼感覺 about how a fetus is removed in a clinic or any other way?
好吧 我們回到 Well, then,we're back at the discussion
關於人類吃動物的討論 about eating something that was once alive.
你真的以為墮胎 Do you really think abortion is so repugnant
和人類要吃動物就必須殺掉它們的理論 if you believe that we should know
互相矛盾嗎 how animals are slaughtered in order to eat them?
這是我們必須接受的事實 Well, that's a fact we have to live with,
即使我們選擇性忽視 even if we try to repress it.
就像墮胎 Just as we do with abortion.
你聽起來就像德克薩斯的反墮胎者 Well, you sound like a pro-lifer from Texas.
我可不這麼認為 I don't think so.
首先 我和你一樣認為墮胎是合法的 First of all, I'm just as much a pro-choice as you are.
但原則上 But on principle,
我相信摧毀人類生命是禁忌 I believe that taboos are damaging for human beings.
這是你相對容易接受的立場 That's a relatively easy stance for you to take.
人們對終止妊娠有誤解 One that can be misconstrued as a...
而形成爭論 as an argument against pregnancy termination.
我不想去貶低什麼 I don't want to belittle anything,
但我覺得你的墮胎 but I can't see your abortion as anything but a...
是個有趣的問題 luxury problem.
有趣的問題 A luxury problem?
真正嚴肅的墮胎 The really serious,serious abortions,
可以拯救生命的那種 遠離我們的社會領域 the ones that save lives,far from our social spheres,
你不會涉及到它們因為你 you can't endanger them just because you
堅持要展示那些血腥的細節 provocatively insist on showing the gory details.
想想數百萬受迫害的女性 Consider all the millions of repressed women,
強姦 亂倫和饑餓的受害者 the victims of rape and incest, hunger.
也許多虧了墮胎 All those who, maybe thanks to an abortion,
才獲得了新生 have regained a new life,
也許墮胎避免了一個孩子生下來就餓死 maybe saved a child from starving to death.
你不能去責備他們 因為這是開放性原則 You can't harm them just because of some principle of openness.
幸運的是 我第一次嘗試就把胎兒順著頭取了出來 Luckily, I was able to get the head of the fetus out on the first try,
這種概率極低 but it rarely goes like that.
在12周的時候 胎兒頭部的直徑 In the 12th week,the diameter of the head
只有1.2公分多一點 is a little more than 1.2 centimeters.
因此 一種引人關注的工具 Therefore,a very impressive instrument
在醫學界發展開來 has been developed by the medical community.
這種工具叫堅果鉗 The nutcracker is an instrument
可以用它把胎兒從子宮中完整地取出來 that we use to get the fetus out of the uterus completely.
我們穿過擴張的宮頸通道 We enter it into and through the dilated cervical channel
找到胎兒頭部的位置 and position it around the head of the fetus,
就像夾堅果一樣夾住它 and you crack it like a nut,
然後往外拉 胎兒就出來了 and then you pull out the fetus,and there you have it.
這就是所謂的堅果鉗 That is the so-called nutcracker.
這不是我要知道的事情 This is not something I need to know.
哦 我希望你在聽了這個後 Oh, I hope you're not going
不要開始反對墮胎 to be an opponent of abortion based on that.
沒有 但你有沒有想過 No, but you have to think of the outrage
這種學科會在社會上激起義憤 this knowledge would create in society.
你是說人們已經蠢到 So, you're saying that people in general are too stupid
在合理的基礎上都不知道怎麼做決定了嗎 to make decisions on an informed basis.
這可是一個小時之前才從某個 And that coming from a man who only an hour ago sermonized
對人性有信仰的男人口中說出來的 about his belief in human qualities.
你把事情簡化了 No, you... you're simplifying things.
你不能這麼看 You can't look at it like that.
看到你情緒突然激動很有趣 It's funny to see you so emotional suddenly.
現在看來 在和心理學家會面時 Looking back,it rankles me a bit
我沒有表現出冷靜和鎮定 that I didn't just show up all calm and collected
這讓我有些後悔 at the appointment with the psychologist
這樣我就可以在全身麻醉下做墮胎手術了 and have my abortion under full anesthesia.
事實是 當你在全身麻醉狀態下時 The fact is that when you're completely under,
胎兒也沒有任何感覺 the fetus doesn't feel anything either,
反之 我的行為 導致了疼痛 whereas my action, of course,caused pain,
這取決於你認為 depending on how much consciousness
12周大的胎兒能有多少意識 you want to ascribe to a fetus about 12 weeks old.
提到這個話題我有點緊張 I'm a bit nervous about bringing that subject up,
就像世界上絕大多數的流產一樣 as most of the abortions in the world,
由於藥物匱乏 due to lack of resources,
只能局部麻醉 甚至不用麻醉 occur just under local anesthesia or none.
你真是個細心的人 Well, you're a careful man.
不管我們談不談論墮胎 你都不能逃離死亡 Whether we talk about abortion or not, you can't escape death,
我的孩子可能會成為一個健康的人 and my fetus could have turned out to be a fine human being,
但最終還是會死亡 but one that would also eventually die.
縈繞在我腦海中具有諷刺意味的細節 What haunts me is the ironic detail
就是父親和我都是蝸牛收集者 that my father and I were snail-gatherers.
我們對地球上的小生物充滿了憐憫之心 We had the deepest compassion,not to say sentimentality,
而不是多愁善感 about the smallest living things on the planet
我們通過拯救蝸牛證明自己 which we demonstrated by saving snails,
順便說下 它們和我的胎兒大小相似 often, by the way,the same size as my fetus,
都在必然通往死亡的道路上 from certain death on the path.
我們拯救蝸牛的時候最好不被對方看到 We did that only when the other one wasn't watching,
否則會有點尷尬 as it was a bit embarrassing.
你在撿蝸牛嗎 Are you picking up snails?
沒有 No.
你確定不是在撿蝸牛 Are you sure you weren't picking up snails?
- 沒有 - 確定嗎 - Yeah. - You're sure?
確定 Yeah.
- 我們能偏離一下主題嗎 - 好的 請 - Shall we drop the subject? - Yes, please.
你確定真的不想參觀一下 Are you sure you don't want a little tour
器官捐贈者在器官移除後 of the technical details
的技術細節嗎 of removal of organs for organ donations?
不 謝謝 不用了 No, thank you. I'm fine.
我們講到哪了 Where were we?
我想是講到你的老闆把你送去看心理醫生 I think something about your boss sending you to see a psychologist.
是的 沒錯 Yes, that's right.
- 我的名字是喬 - 你好 喬 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe.
- 我是一個性癮者 - 性饑渴 - And I'm a nymphomaniac. - Sex addict.
我的名字叫喬 我是一個性癮者 My name is Joe,and I'm a nymphomaniac.
我們管那叫性饑渴 這裡的所有人都是 We say sex addict.Here, everyone's the same.
芮妮 上次你告訴我們你有個計劃 Renee, last time you told us you had a plan.
進展得怎麼樣了 How did it go?
我想試試新東西 但沒什麼用 I thought of trying something new,as nothing had helped.
我想如果我加大藥量 I thought if I overdosed...
換句話說 如果我的做法 in other words,if I did the exact opposite
跟我來這裡的目的截然相反 of what we are trying to do here,
我可能會好過些 then I could get well.
你是指性慾恢復正常 You mean function normally.
我為此進行了精心準備 I had prepared the whole thing very carefully.
每到週末就把丈夫打發走 Sent my husband away for the weekend
專心照顧孩子 and had the children taken care of.
那是在一個周六 It was to happen on the Saturday.
我登記完這一個月的電話號碼 I had... I had collected phone numbers for a whole month,
然後回到了煤堆前 and then back in the coal.
他們幹了我三個小時 They fucked me for three hours.
你有什麼感覺 And how did you feel about that?
在那之後我一直感覺很糟糕 我感到羞恥 Well, I never feel good afterwards.I feel ashamed.
但跟你的性癮聯繫起來 But in relation to...to your addiction,
你感覺到癥狀有所減輕嗎 do you feel relieved like you thought you would?
沒有 No.
我該怎麼辦 我已經準備好了必要的一切 What should I do? I'm ready to do what's necessary.
性愛成癮與毒品或酒精成癮 Sex addiction is very different from,
截然不同 say, abuse of drugs or alcohol
因為你的身體完全不需要那些東西 because you don't actually need either of those things.
你可以通過戒毒或戒酒 These addictions can be completely removed
把毒癮或酒癮完全戒掉 當然這也很不容易 by removing the drug or the alcohol,not that that's easy.
但性癮的不同之處在於 But the difference with sex addiction
性慾是每個人 is that everyone has a sexuality
與生俱來的 that's an integral part of their personality.
如果一個人想消滅性慾 If one could imagine exterminating sexuality,
那他就得遠離人群 then you'd be left with a severely reduced person
因為性慾也包含了 because... because sexuality also includes tenderness,
溫柔地接觸及團結其他人 contact, solidarity with others,
完全無法想象人能脫離了性慾而活著 which would be hard to imagine anyone living without on some level.
你的意思是 即使性慾毀了一切 What you're saying is that no one can remove their sexuality,
也沒人能夠克制自己的性慾嗎 even though it's destroying everything for them.
我不能說完全沒有 I wouldn't say no one,
但是至多百萬分之一的可能 but let's say, at most,one in a million
有人可以毫無性慾地活著 manage to live a life without sexuality.
但你的治療不能建立在這這百萬分之一的可能性上 But you can't be basing your therapy on that one in a million.
沒錯 第一也是最重要的一點 No. The first and most important step
是移除誘惑並減少接觸 is to remove incentive and to reduce exposure.
你需要先弄清楚 You have to ask yourself
你容易受到什麼的誘惑 what kind of incentives you have and then make it difficult
讓接觸誘惑變得困難 for yourself to come into contact with them.
排除一切可能讓你聯想到性的東西 Basically, anything that makes you think about sex.
停下來 Stop it.
喬有些東西想跟大家分享 Joe has something she'd like to share.
- 我的名字叫喬 - 你好 喬 - My name is Joe. - Hi, Joe.
我性饑渴 And I'm a sex addict,
但我已經三個星期零五天沒有性交了 but I haven't had sex for three weeks and five days.
告訴我們你是怎麼做到的 喬 Tell us how you did it, Joe.
- 你帶了筆記嗎 - 是的 - You brought notes? - Yes.
親愛的諸位 不要以為這很容易 Dear everyone,don't think it's been easy,
不過我明白我們是一樣的 but I understand now that we are all alike.
- 你沒事吧 喬 - 沒事 - Are you okay, Joe? - Yes, yes.
你需要喝杯水嗎 Would you like a glass of water?
謝謝 Thank you.
要不下次再分享吧 Would you rather share another time?
不 我想這次就說 No, I'd like to speak.
親愛的諸位 不要以為這很容易 Dear everyone,don't think it's been easy,
不過我現在意識到 but I understand now
我們並不一樣 也永遠不可能一樣 that we're not and never will be alike.
我跟你們不一樣 為了存在感而性交 I'm not like you,who fucks to be validated
很容易戒掉性癮 and might just as well give up putting cocks inside you.
很久以前即使有人隨便跟你做愛 You already got your bloody kick a long time ago
你都會得到極大的快感 when it turned out that someone was even bothered to fuck you.
我跟你也不一樣 And I'm not like you.
你就一直吃到死吧 Eat yourself to death if you want.
我才不會同情你 I have no pity for you.
你只是想被塞滿 All you want is to be filled up,
不管是男人還是成堆噁心的糞便 and whether it's by a man or by tons of disgusting slop
對你來說沒有區別 makes no difference,
因為你只是想徹底填滿你的空虛 because it's all just a pathetic attempt
隱藏你的自私自利 自我憎惡 at filling out your own resounding emptiness
實在是太可悲了 and hiding your ridiculous egocentric self-loathing.
我當然也跟你不一樣 And I'm definitely not like you.
你所謂的感情共鳴完全是謊言 That empathy you claim is a lie
你只不過是這個社會的道德警察 because all you are is society's morality police,
你的工作就是為了把我的淫蕩徹徹底底清除掉 whose duty is to erase my obscenity from the surface of the Earth,
這樣資產階級就不會覺得噁心 so that the bourgeoisie won't feel sick.
我跟你們不一樣 I'm not like you.
我是個性癮者 我喜愛作為性癮者的自己 I am a nymphomaniac,and I love myself for being one,
不過最重要的是 我愛我的陰道 but above all, I love my cunt
以及我骯髒下流的性慾 and my filthy, dirty lust.
剛剛發生了什麼事 What just happened?
我沒聽明白燒車子那部分 I didn't get that,with the car that burned.
不好意思 No, I'm sorry.
我只是太急著開始講故事的最後一章 I was just in too much of a hurry to get to the last chapter.
天快要亮了 It's dawning.
你怎麼知道 How can you tell?
黑夜的顏色已經變淡了 Oh, it's...it's just a slight coloring.
這個時間點我經常站在這裡 I know because I've stood here so often at this time.
你可以說我有一種別人都不具備的 You could say I've developed an ability
分辨黎明的能力 to see dawn before everyone else.
這樣你就會懂得 Then you understand what I mean when I say
這時候我故事裡突然出現的黎明之光了 that twilight suddenly appeared at this point in my story.
我意識到這個社會容不下我 I understood that society had no room for me,
我也容不下這個社會 從來沒有 and I had no room for society and never had.
如果我早意識到這一點 It would've been much, much easier
事情就簡單多了 to have realized that earlier on,
突然間 but suddenly,
我的認知出現了戲劇性的轉折 my senses unfolded dramatically.
從社會的陽光面 To go from the respectable daylight side of society
轉向陰暗面 to the shady, nocturnal side
就像在戰爭中轉投敵方 was like changing sides in a war.
你選擇忘卻舊事 You put your old army behind you,
但下一秒 你就會被新的一切吞噬 and suddenly, the next second,you're swallowed by the new one.
沒有中間位置可以選擇 There's no in between.
我覺得像和尚一樣布置房間 I'm sure it was quite natural for you
對你來說是件非常正常的事 to furnish your room as a monk's cell,
不過這對於我給故事的章節起名 but as an inspiration for this story, chapter headings
很難有什麼啟發 hasn't been easy.
已經沒有什麼我能用的東西了 There's simply nothing left for me to use.
我對此感到抱歉 Well, I'm sorry about that.
不過如果可以的話 我能給你個建議 But if I may,I can give you a tip.
請說 Yes, please.
要知道我大部分時間都在跟文字打交道 You know, I occupy myself mostly with texts,
可是有些時候文字顯得如此 but sometimes the text can seem so...
如此蒼白 如此深不可測的蒼白 so empty, so unfathomably empty.
儘管可能是最著名的作家最精彩的一段話 It could be the best text by the most famous author.
這可以通過改變你看問題的角度來解決 The solution might be to change your point of view.
我不懂你的意思 I don't get that.
太熟悉了反而容易視而不見 Things hide when they become familiar.
可是如果你能換個角度看 But if you look at them from another angle,
你有可能會有新的發現 they might take on a new meaning.
你說的沒錯 You're right.
這個剛剛只是我丟茶杯留下的污跡 Before this was just the stain from the tea I threw.
你覺得它還像什麼呢 Can you see what it could be?
一把左輪手槍 A revolver!
不 左輪手槍有一個轉輪 No, a revolver has a drum that revolves.
這是一把手槍 It's a pistol.
你能看得出是什麼型號嗎 Can you see what kind it could be?
我記得文獻裡沒見過這樣的東西 No, I don't remember anything like that from my literature.
我倒是讀過 Oh, but it's something I can remember from mine.
- 伊安·弗萊明 - 沒聽說過 - Ian Fleming. - Not familiar.
要是這也沒讀過 也算是枉讀書了 If you haven't read that,you haven't read anything at all.
稍作聯想 它可以是 This could be,with a little imagination,
一把瓦爾特PPK自動手槍 a Walther PPK automatic,
就跟在邦德第一把槍"貝雷塔"卡殼後 the same gun that was issued to Bond,
再配給他的那把一樣 after his preferred pistol,the Beretta, had jammed.
這東西對你有用嗎 Is that something you can use?
是的 Oh, yes, it is.
[第八章 槍]
是我拋棄了社會還是社會拋棄了我 我也說不清 Whether I left society or it left me, I cannot say.
兩種說法都有道理 I suppose you could make an argument for both sides.
我準備去找一份 I was on my way to the shady side
幫人追債的工作 討債的方式 of the debt collecting business,which, among other things,
並不磊落 比如燒掉別人的車 involves stuff like burning people's cars.
我早就知道有L這個人 I had for a long time known about this man, L.
你好 我叫喬 Hi, my name is Joe.
我知道 進來吧 I know that. Come in.
我在找工作 I'm looking for a job.
我之前在辦公室裡工作 I've been working in an office,
但是一直都做不太好 and I was never really good at it.
我懂 不過 你想說什麼 I can understand that.I mean, what's the point?
我不時在想你什麼時候會出現 I've thought of you now and then and wondered when you'd show up.
我的生活方式相對有些奢侈 My lifestyle is relatively expensive,
我還需要有點時間做兼職 and I need a fair amount of free time for a sideline.
我明白了 Of course.I already know that.
我相信我擁有一些特質 I believe I possess some qualifications
我做事還不擇手段 and that I'm rather unscrupulous.
我了解你的特質都很優秀 I know all about your qualifications and they're excellent.
你來這裡已經證明了你很肆意妄為 And you have already proven you are unscrupulous by coming here.
我建議我幫你 I would suggest that you start your own little business
你自己乾 with my help.
我知道你閱男人無數 I understand you possess a great deal of insight
一眼就能看穿 about a rather broad spectrum of men.
這點應該好好利用 This could be, or should be,capitalized on.
告訴我該怎麼做 What should I do?
我這間小公司 I facilitate certain assignments for my humble firm
做的是債務收繳業務 as part of a debt collection business.
換句話說 我需要一個分包商 In other words,I need subcontractors
在我的客戶對人不滿時 who can put moderate pressure on individuals,
給那人施加壓力 不論客戶對錯 with whom my clients rightly or wrongly have a bone to pick.
- 明白嗎 - 就是敲詐勒索 - Understand? - Extortion.
不 不 不 No. No, no, no, no.
我更喜歡稱之為討債 I always prefer the term "debt collection."
-好的 -我不會去判斷 - Yeah. - I refrain from judging
客戶的意願是不是合法 whether my clients' wishes are legitimate or otherwise,
這一準則我建議你也要遵守 a point of view I strongly recommend you follow.
我還是不知道該怎麼做 I'm still unsure of what it is I should do.
你需要帶兩個混混 Well, you'll need two thugs,
我可以幫你挑兩個好的 and I can think of two good ones.
他們都經驗豐富 可以教你怎麼做 They both have a lot of experience and can show you the ropes.
很有趣 That's interesting.
一點都沒趣 It's not at all interesting.
最有趣的事就是 Most interesting thing about it was
我就如此輕易地投身於犯罪的泥潭 how easily I dedicated myself to crime.
我最主要的特長 My main qualification, of course,
就是和男人交歡的豐富經驗 was my considerable experience with men and sex.
有時還要用到一些更專業的技巧 But even my more specialized skills came in handy.
不 不是這樣的 No, now this is not how it goes.
沒打下去之前不能喊的 You have to wait until you're hit.
給我推薦的兩名幫手還不錯 The two helpers that I had recommended were okay,
但他們更傾向於模式化的套路 but they were predisposed to a rather repetitive technique,
就是用鐵棍造成 which consisted of creating as much havoc as possible
盡可能多的破壞 with a pair of iron bars.
看來打爛東西對你沒什麼用 Destroying your things doesn't seem to have much effect on you.
值得一提的是 The only thing worth mentioning
從我成為收藏家第一年起 from my first years as a collector
我的頭腦就異常清醒 was the story of an unusually sober-minded,
理由有些牽強 and for that reason vulnerable, man.
我威脅將這些醜事公開 The dirt I threatened to go public with
用的就是我的殺手■：性 was normally within my core competence: sex.
但有一次 這個男人 我讀不懂他的性需求 But for once, here was a man I was unable to read sexually,
於是我變得很執著 so I became persistent.
把他綁到椅子上 Tie him to the chair.
別傷害他 Don't hurt him.
我找不到你的弱點 I can't find a stain on you,
但經驗告訴我 人無完人 but my experience tells me that no man is spotless.
幸好你身上有個部位能測謊 Luckily, you're equipped with a very reliable truth detector.
我給你講幾個故事 I'm going to tell you a few stories.
你聽著就行 All you have to do is listen.
你正在酒吧裡看著一對夫婦… You're in a bar watching a couple...
我給他講各種虛構的 I now meticulously went through the catalogue
有些變態的故事 of sexual deviations in fictional form.
比如性虐待 Stories about sado-masochism,
戀物癖 同性戀 能講的我都講了 fetishism, homosexuality,you name it.
但他還是沒反應 But he didn't react.
快要放棄的時候 我說了一句 And I'd almost given up when I said...
回家的路上 你路過一個公園 On your way home,you walk through the park.
忽然你停下了腳步 And something makes you stop.
你聽見了什麼東西 You hear something.
沒錯 就是它 Yes, that's it.
你聽見孩子們在操場上玩 You can hear the children in the playground.
你找了一張長凳坐下 看他們玩 You sit on a bench nearby and watch them play.
有個穿短褲的小男孩 There's a little boy in shorts.
在沙坑裡玩耍 He's playing in the sandpit.
他的藍眼睛注視著你 He looks at you with his blue eyes.
他對你微笑 He smiles at you.
並向你走了過來 I think he comes to you.
他坐在你的大腿上 抬頭看著你 He sits on your lap and looks up at your face.
他說他想跟你回家 He says he'd like to come home with you.
回到家 At home,
你們都沒忍住把衣服都脫光了 you can't fight the idea of being naked together.
他爬到你身上 He crawls all over you.
你勃起了 You get an erection.
不要再講了 Won't you please stop?
他趴在地上 He lies on his stomach.
你脫下了他的褲子 You pull down his pants.
我還錢 I'll pay!
你幹了什麼 You did what?
我給他口交了 I gave him a blowjob.
- 什麼 給那隻豬 - 我很同情他 - Why? That pig! - I took pity on him.
同情 Pity?
沒錯 因為我毀了他的生活 Yes. I had just destroyed his life.
沒人知道他的秘密 也許連他自己都不知道 Nobody knew his secret,most probably not even himself.
他滿懷羞愧地坐在那裡 He sat there with the shame.
給他口交 也算是向他道歉吧 I suppose I sucked him off as a kind of apology.
難以置信 That's unbelievable.
不 這是一個成功抑制了 No, listen to me.This is a man who'd succeeded
自己慾望的男人 in repressing his own desire,
一直沒有向慾望屈服 直到我把它逼出來 who had never before given into it,right up until I forced it out.
他的生活充滿了克制 He had lived a life full of denial
同時也沒有傷害過任何人 and had never hurt a soul.
我覺得這是值得讚賞的 I think that's laudable.
無論怎樣 No matter how much I try,
我都覺得戀童癖沒什麼好讚賞的 I can't find anything laudable in pedophilia.
那是因為你總想著真的傷害了孩子的人 That's because you think about the perhaps five percent
也許只有5% who actually hurt children.
而其餘的95%從來沒有實踐過 The remaining 95 percent never live out their fantasies.
想想他們的痛苦 Think about their suffering.
性慾是人類最強的原動力 Sexuality is the strongest force in human beings.
生來就有不被認可的性向肯定無比痛苦 To be born with a forbidden sexuality must be agonizing.
有戀童癖的人以自己的慾望為恥 The pedophile who manages to get through life
羞愧地度過一生 with the shame of his desire
一生不曾縱欲 這不值得讚賞嗎 while never acting on it,deserves a bloody medal.
有位叫托馬斯·曼的作家說過 The writer Thomas Mann said somewhere
克制誘惑並不是罪孽 that a temptation resisted
而是道德考驗 is not a sin but a test of virtue.
那個作家也有戀童癖？ Wasn't there something about that writer and boys?
有人這麼說 Yeah, so they say.
我想他處理的方式就是寫出來 I suppose he dealt with it by writing them out.
他還得過諾貝爾文學獎 And he got a medal, a Nobel Prize.
不過你沒法同情他們 But there was another reason for my sympathy,
應該還有其他原因 which you find so mysterious.
我看到這個男人跟我承受著同樣的痛苦 I saw a man who was carrying the same cross as myself.
是孤獨 Loneliness.
我們都是性的棄兒 We were both sexual outcasts.
不管怎樣 幾年過去了 In any case,some years passed,
生意不斷做大 during which my business grew,
我匿名存給馬塞爾的錢越來越多 enabling me to step up my anonymous deposits to Marcel.
你做得很好 Your business is doing great.
我交待的任務你都能出色地完成 You complete all the jobs I give you to perfection.
客戶也都對你讚不絕口 只是… And I hear only words of praise from your other clients, but...
- 只是什麼 - 我們也不年輕了 - But what? - We aren't getting any younger.
那是當然的 No, that's for sure.
你也是時候要考慮 I think you're getting to that age
給自己找個接班人了 where you have to start thinking about a successor.
我他媽不需要接班人 Oh, I don't need a fucking successor.
聽我說 Listen.
即使是犯罪 也絕不能含糊 A person should take their crime seriously.
你需要一個得力助手 You need someone to be your right hand,
一個能幫到你的人 一位繼承人 someone to help you.A crown princess.
通常的做法是看哪位同行 The normal process is to find out
在吸毒或是在坐牢 what colleagues are in prison,or are drug addicts,
沒有辦法履行父母的職責 and thereby unable to fulfill their roles as parents.
找到他們孩子打球的地方 Then, you find out where their kids play football,
然後下手 and you get involved.
無論他們幹什麼壞事 You cheer them on for a couple of years,
你都要鼓勵 乾的事越壞越好 no matter how bad they are.Actually, the worse, the better.
慢慢的 你就取代了他們父母的角色 That way, gradually, you take on the role of the parent
到最後 他會對你忠心耿耿 until, in the end,you have a loyal helper
為你赴湯蹈火 that will walk through fire for you.
甚至願意替你坐牢 Even do time for you.
聽上去像是個圈套 It sounds like a kind of an entrapment you're suggesting.
- 一個令人厭惡的圈套 - 怎麼叫都行 - An unsavory entrapment. - Call it what you want,
相信你也知道 良好的引導很重要 but if you believe at all in the effects of good parenting,
所以有了你陪著 that kid will have much greater opportunities with you
他們肯定能變得更好 as a mentor than without.
我很器重你 And since I like you,
因此一直在幫你物色合適的人選 I've been looking around for a suitable subject.
她今年15歲 來自一個慣犯家庭 She's 15 years old from a family of hardened criminals,
她也經歷過許多事 and she's been through a lot.
前幾年她進了收容所 Last couple of years she's been institutionalized.
父親在坐牢 母親死於吸毒過量 Her father's in prison and her mother died of an overdose.
不過她是個聰明的女孩 She's a smart girl.
她不玩橄欖球 And although she doesn't play football,
她打籃球 非常投入 she does play basketball very badly.
因為孤單 她選擇了集體活動 She's chosen a team sport because she's lonely.
最重要的是 I saved the best part for last.
她的右耳有點畸形 Her right ear is slightly deformed,
她感到十分羞愧 which she is very ashamed of,
這也使得她更加孤僻 and of course, this serves to isolate her even more.
因此只要稍微給她一點 It makes her an easy target for even the slightest bit
關注或是同情就能卸下她的心防 of attention or sign of empathy from you.
儘管我很反對 但L還是說服了我 Despite my protests,the clever L somehow talked me
去看一看P into actually having a look at P.
我越看這個畸形耳朵的姑娘 The longer I watched the poor girl with the deformed ear,
就越覺得這個計劃噁心 the more repulsive I found the whole plan.
不過L仿佛能預言 But as if L had foreseen this,
見到P使我心生憐憫 感慨萬千 the meeting with P filled me with pity and emotion.
我發現自己 And without wanting to,
情不自禁地 每週末 I found myself,weekend after weekend,
都來給她加油 at her games supporting the poor player.
- 謝謝你給我加油 - 不用客氣 - Thanks for cheering me on. - You're welcome.
今天你真的打得很好 You played really well today.
- 不 不是的 - 是真的 - No, I didn't. - You did.
最近你確實進步了許多 You really improved yourself lately.
十六歲生日 祝賀 Sixteen years. Congratulations.
- 謝謝 - 不客氣 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
我很驕傲地向P介紹了 I was proud to introduce P
我父親的志趣以及他的世界 to my father's passion and his world.
實際上 It's actually...
在冬天裡我們看到的是樹的靈魂 the souls of the trees that we see in the winter.
我覺得像人的靈魂 I think they look like human souls.
你說得對 Yeah, you're right.
確實像人的靈魂 They do look like human souls.
扭曲的靈魂 正常的靈魂 Twisted souls, regular souls,
瘋狂的靈魂 crazy souls,
全取決於人選擇要過怎樣的生活 all depending on the kind of lives human beings lead.
那肯定是21號 威廉姆森小姐 Then that must be Miss Williamson from number 21.
這樣說威廉姆森小姐可不太好 That's not a very nice thing to say about Miss Williamson.
但她總是生氣 她腹部有個怪物 But she's always angry.She has a monster in her belly.
沒錯 她腹部是有潰瘍 Well, she does have an ulcer in her belly
我已經給她治了15年了 that I've been treating for the last 15 years.
我確信接下來幾天 And sure enough,one of the following days
父親還會帶我到樹林裡玩 my dad dragged me into the woods again.
我找到了我的樹 我的靈魂之樹 I found my tree.My soul tree.
但不是那棵 選那棵我會死的 And no, it's not that one, okay,cause then I would be dead.
這就是我的樹 This is my tree.
- 這不是白蠟樹 - 沒錯 這是一棵橡樹 - It's not an ash tree. - No, it's an oak tree.
他有兩支樹幹 It has two trunks.
是不是很棒 Yeah, isn't it great?
它分別向湖水及森林展示著它的兩個面 It shows itself to both sides,the lake and the forest.
爸爸 樹怎麼會長兩支樹幹 But, Dad, how does a tree get two trunks?
通常的原因就是當它還是小樹的時候 The most common reason is that the top broke
樹幹頂部被破壞了 when it was very young.
那麼爸爸你頭上也被打破過 That means that you've been broken once.
是嗎 爸爸 Have you, Dad?
看來還是找到你的靈魂樹 It seems that it can be rather revealing...
有啟示作用 to find your soul tree.
我父親找到了他的靈魂之樹 可是我還沒找到我的 My father found his soul tree,but I've never found mine.
"當你看到它的時候 你就會知道了" 他是這麼說的 "You will know it when you see it,"is what he said.
廚房和餐廳在這 到這邊來 Kitchen and dining room.And in here...
P成年以後 When P reached the age of maturity
我成為了她的導師 and I became her personal adviser,
我讓她搬來跟我住 I asked her to move in with me.
我從未見你把頭髮扎起來 Let me see you with your hair up.
真漂亮 You're so pretty.
我好久以來沒有過性生活 All this time all my sexual activity had stopped.
以前的肉虐給我的下體造成了很大傷害 My groin was one big sore from my abuse that wouldn't heal,
連手淫都無法進行 and made even masturbation impossible.
我體驗到了脫癮綜合症 I experienced definite abstinence symptoms...
發燒 痙攣 fever and cramps.
喬 你怎麼了 Joe, what's going on?
- 小心 - 得把碎玻璃撿起來 - Careful. - We need to clear this up.
有時候我就會這樣子 I just get this sometimes.
沒事 沒事的 It's okay. It's okay.
你想回到床上嗎 Do you want to go back to bed?
是的 沒錯 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
我愛你 喬 I love you, Joe.
我也愛你 I love you, too.
我指的不是那種意思 I don't mean it in that way.
快點吧 不早了 你也該休息了 Come on, it's late.You should go back to bed.
晚安 Good night.
也許她是真的愛你 Perhaps she really loved you.
他年紀還是太小了 She was so very young.
也許她也在兩歲時就開始玩弄自己的陰部 Maybe she, too, discovered her cunt at the age of two.
說不定還更早呢 Maybe earlier.
我沒法接受 I couldn't accept it.
也許是因為你也希望這是真的 Perhaps because you really wanted it to be true.
也許吧 Perhaps I hoped it.
跟P的故事真感人 It's very touching,all this about P.
那你就大錯特錯了 Then you've probably misunderstood the whole thing.
故事要不要就此結束 Shall we get the story over and done with?
別 Don't.
我想要看看你 I wanna see you.
- 不要 - 為什麼 - Don't. - Why?
- 不行 - 為什麼 - Please, don't. - Why not?
不 不行 我那裡有傷口 No. No, I have a wound.
- 我那裡有傷口 - 沒關係 - I have a wound. - It doesn't matter.
- 不 你不懂 - 我的耳朵也有 - No, you don't understand. - I have that thing with my ear.
我真是無地自容 I'm so ashamed.
你喜歡我嗎 Do you like me?
你真美 You're so beautiful.
有件事我不明白 There's one thing I don't understand.
她知道你是做什麼的嗎 Did she know what you did for a living?
P非常謹慎 是個少言寡語的姑娘 P was very discreet and a girl of few words.
奇怪的是 雖然我工作時間很詭異 Oddly, although I worked strange hours,
她從不過問我的工作 she never asked about my work.
但是有天她問我 But one day she had a question.
喬 Joe.
你為什麼來看我的籃球比賽 Why did you start coming to my basketball matches?
這不是巧合 對嗎 It wasn't a coincidence, was it?
不 不是巧合 No, it wasn't a coincidence.
我沒告訴你 是因為我… I didn't tell you because I...
我以為你會不高興 I thought you'd be upset...
你會生我的氣 and that you'd get angry at me.
我不會生氣的 I won't get angry.
我的工作 What I do...
我的工作不同尋常 My job isn't a normal job.
是違法的 It's not legal.
我家就沒人幹過合法的事 No one in my family does anything legal.
一個照顧過我生意的男人 建議我來看你的比賽 A man that's helped me in my business suggested that I watched you.
原本的計劃是 我看你打球 The plan was that I...I should look at you
看看有朝一日 能不能在工作上用到你 to see whether one day I could use you in my work.
我該和你交朋友 I should make friends with you
因為我知道你父母雙亡 because I knew you didn't have a mother or a father.
那有什麼關係 What's wrong with that?
你沒看到這個計劃有多邪惡嗎 Don't you see how evil that plan was?
- 我覺得自己很討厭 - 別這麼想 - I felt terrible. - You shouldn't have.
為什麼不 Why not?
因為如果你沒那麼做 Because if you hadn't...
我們永遠不會相遇 we'd never have met.
下次去工作帶上我 I'd like to go with you to work next time.
不行 No.
你會考慮嗎 Will you think about it?
- 不會 - 考慮下吧 - No. - Yes.
她不允許別人拒絕她 She didn't take no for an answer.
是的 沒錯 No, of course not.
海浪怎能停留在沙灘上 How do you keep a wave upon the sand?
在愛的掙扎中 我太弱了 不是她的對手 And in the throes of love,I was weak and no match for her.
我再來自作聰明一回 With the risk of being too clever for myself,
社會遺傳是不可辨駁的事實 social inheritance is an irrefutable fact.
要說到街頭法則 P肯定非常熟悉 If anyone knew about the laws of the street, it must've been P.
這話說的對極了 You're more right than you know.
- 讓我一槍崩了這人渣 - 不 不行 - Let's shoot the fucker. - No, no!
放手 放手 Stop! Stop!
幹這行不用槍 We don't use firearms.
- 把槍給我 - 別人也有槍 - I'd like to have the gun. - The others have weapons, too.
這我不知道 Well, I didn't know that,
但無論如何 你不能拿槍 but in any case,you're not to have one.
槍並不危險 But guns aren't dangerous.
關鍵看你怎麼用 It depends on how you use them.
沒錯 Yes, exactly.
我不會衝他開槍的 I wasn't going to shoot him.
我們這樣根本要不到他的錢 We wouldn't have gotten any money out of him that way.
能把槍給我嗎 Can I have the gun?
謝謝你 Thank you.
你真討厭 You're evil.
在那之後 機緣巧合 And now I'm afraid one of those coincidences
我遇到了件麻煩事 遇到了一個特別的人 you have such a hard time with occurred with a very special person.
P負責帶我們去找欠債的人 It was P's job to take us to the debtors,
直到我看見門牌 so until I saw the name on the door,
我才知道那是誰家 I had no idea whose house we were at.
這個是銀白棲的樹葉 This is Acer siccharium.
- 是銀白槭 - 銀白槭 沒錯 - Saccharinum. - Saccharinum, yeah, that.
我說的就是那個 I said that.
[傑羅姆·莫里斯]
你確定是這裡嗎 Are you sure this is the right place?
是的 Yeah.
我在想 也許這次該你自己獨自處理了 I was thinking maybe it's time for you to do this one on your own.
真的嗎 Yeah?
- 謝謝你 喬 - 我不想弄壞東西 - Thank you, Joe. - I don't want anything destroyed,
也不想任何人受傷 and I don't want anybody hurt.
好嗎 你就進去給他提個合理的付款方案 Okay? You just show yourself and offer him a reasonable payment plan.
那好吧 我就按你說的辦 If you say so, of course that's how I'll do it.
再見傑羅姆時的感情是不是愛 Whether the feeling when I saw Jerome again was love,
我也說不清 I couldn't say.
但的確有這麼種感情 But it was a feeling...
強到我無法控制 and far stronger than I liked.
我穿過小巷走回家 I was actually walking home through the alley here.
兩個截然不同的社區 Your two neighborhoods are totally different,
卻相隔如此之近 從傑羅姆家 but still so close together that the shortest route
到市中心的捷徑就是穿過這條小巷 from Jerome's house towards the center was through the alley.
我回來了 Hello!
- 怎麼樣 - 棒極了 - How did it go? - Brilliant.
非常好 Yeah, really well.
聽你的 我提了個合理的付款方案 I made a reasonable payment plan like you told me to.
- 他什麼樣 - 很害怕 - How did he look? - Scared.
他看起來多大年紀 How old did he look?
我不知道 挺老的吧 I don't know. Ancient?
傑羅姆要分六次付完欠款 Jerome was to pay off his debt in six payments.
每次P去傑羅姆家收錢 Every time P went to Jerome to collect,
我都煩躁不安的走來走去 直到她回家 I'd pace around restlessly until she was back home again.
我甚至把母親玩接龍的舊撲克牌找出來 I even had to find my mother's sad old solitaire cards
只為了打發時間 in order to make the hours pass.
每到晚上 我就越來越擔心 Each night I was less reassured
她還會不會回家 by her coming home than the night before.
我不願想是怕她愛上別人 The question of whether jealousy is the fear of sharing
還是怕失去她 才產生的嫉妒情緒 or the fear of losing was of little interest to me.
但沒錯 這種負面情緒 But yes, it was a fact that this unworthy feeling
我壓抑了許久 那時卻無法克制 I had managed to suppress for so long was creeping up on me.
她最後一次去收賬的那個晚上 The evening she was to collect the final payment,
沒有吻我 she didn't kiss me.
我想可能是忘記了 I took it to be forgetfulness,
但幾小時過去了 她沒回來 but the hours passed,and she didn't return.
每次我看到車燈 都以為是有人開車送P回來 Every time I saw car lights,I thought it was P being driven home.
第二條早晨我出城 So the next morning I took a trip
繞著山坡轉了幾圈 to the round hills just outside of town
中午12點的時候我回到學校課堂 that I visited with my school class when I was 12,
象徵性地說了告別 to say a symbolic goodbye.
我決定遠走高飛 I had decided to flee.
我沒法和他們倆待在一個鎮子上 I couldn't stay in this town with her and him.
我像個懦夫一般 逃去了南方 I had cowardly made a plan to escape and head south.
好像北方太過寒冷 Like from some ice age
我沒有勇氣面對 I didn't have the guts to turn around and face.
離別很悲傷 又莫名的覺得不滿足 But the goodbye was sad and strangely unfulfilling.
有什麼東西在召喚我 要我去山裡尋找 And something called me on to seek further up the mountain.
獨裁者犯了謀殺罪 I understand dictators who commit murder.
比如希特勒 歸結起來 What was Hitler,when it all boils down,
絕對不是社會給了他們自由的韁繩 other than a man to whom society gave free reins?
那就是我們都忽視了的一點 Well, that was just what we were missing.
你理解種族主義者 喜歡戀童癖者 You understand racists,you have a soft spot for pedophiles,
當到了終點線 and, of course,now at the finishing line,
你必須對歷史上的 you have to sympathize
一大批劊子手錶示同情 with the greatest mass murderers of history.
我是說 What I mean is...
都說取人性命很難 It's said to be difficult to take someone's life.
要我說放下屠刀更難 I would've said that it's more difficult not to
作為獨裁者或我 when, as a dictator or as me,
你已經一無所有了 you've nothing to lose.
對人類而言 For a human being,
殺戮是最自然不過的本性 killing is the most natural thing in the world.
我們生來如此 We're created for it.
對極了 Wonderful.
別 快下來 No, get off!
拉我起來 Fireman's grip.
請填滿我吧 Fill all my holes, please.
我現在也不知道為什麼會放空槍 I still don't know why the gun didn't work.
我之前檢查過 彈夾裡是有子彈的 I did check to make sure that there were bullets in the magazine.
就是出了故障 It simply malfunctioned.
就像邦德的貝瑞塔手槍一樣 Just like Bond's Beretta.
我想我知道原因 即使你的 I think I know enough to say that even if you had rounds
瓦爾特PPK彈夾裡有子彈 in the magazine of the Walther PPK,
你也得先打開保險栓 if you'd taken off the safety,
不然你怎麼扣扳機也開不了火 you cannot shoot until you've racked the gun.
你得先拉開 You pull and release
再鬆開這個滑動裝置 the sliding mechanism.
P沒拉開保險是因為 正如她所說 And P hadn't done it because as she said,
她根本沒想要那人的命 she had no intention of shooting the man.
我沒看過邦德 但我猜有關他的書 I don't know about Bond,but I assume it has to be apparent
或電影裡肯定提到過 from his books and his films
半自動手槍都得先拉開保險 that you have to rack an automatic pistol.
原來如此 就是這樣 Of course, you're right.
我在電影裡見過上千次 I've seen it in films a thousand times.
天亮了 It's morning.
- 雪停了 - 太陽出來了嗎 - The snow is gone. - So the sun must be up?
是的 太陽出來了 Yes, there is sun.
你怎麼看到的 How can you see it?
陽光直接照不進這條胡同 This alley's located so that you never get direct sunlight here,
我是通過另一邊建築的反光看到的 but I can see a small reflection on the building on the other side.
我一直不知道為什麼會有那塊光斑 I've never managed to figure out where it comes from.
一定是高塔和大廈上的窗戶 It must be some interplay between windows and towers
玩的什麼把戲 and high buildings.
面積不大 但我這只有這點陽光 It's not much, but it's the sun you get here at my place.
很美 It's beautiful.
一開始 In the beginning,
你說你唯一的罪 you said that your only sin
就是想看更多的日落 was that you asked more of the sunset.
我想 這意味著 你想從生活中索取更多對你有利的事 Meaning, I suppose, that you wanted more from life than was good for you.
你作為一個人 索求你的權利 You were a human being demanding your right,
不僅如此 and more than that,
你作為一個女人 索求女人的權利 you were a woman demanding her right.
這樣一切就能一筆勾銷了嗎 Does that pardon everything?
你覺得如果是兩個男人在火車上尋找艷遇 Do you think if two men were to walk down a train looking for women,
會引人注意嗎 do you think anybody would have raised an eyebrow,
或者一個男人過著你這樣的生活 or if a man had led the life you had?
如果你是個男人 H夫人的故事 And the story about Mrs. H. would've been extremely banal
變得索然無味 if you'd been a man.
你的戰利品就會是女人 And your conquest would have been a woman.
當一個男人因為慾望離開他的孩子們 When a man leaves his children because of desire,
我們聳聳肩不以為然 但你是個女人 we accept it with a shrug,but you as a woman,
你必須承擔罪責 you had to take on a guilt,
永遠無法釋懷的負罪感 a burden of guilt that could never be alleviated.
你的墮胎是合法的 但更重要的 Your abortion was legal,but more than anything else,
是你對自身的一種懲罰 it was a punishment you inflicted upon yourself.
總而言之 所有的責難和罪過 And all in all,all the blame and guilt
積年累月的背負在你身上 that piled up over the years became too much for you,
你終於不堪重負 and you reacted aggressively,
甚至像個男人 奮起反擊 almost like a man, I have to say,and you fought back.
你對一直壓迫和殘害 You fought back against the gender
你和幾十億女性的性別歧視奮起反抗 that had been oppressing and mutilating and killing you
以宗教或者道德的名義 and billions of women in the name of religion or ethics,
或許上帝才知道 or God knows what.
可我想殺人 But I wanted to kill a human being.
但你並沒有殺人 But you didn't.
因為突如其來的意外 Because of a chance event.
你所謂的意外 You call it a chance event,
其實是潛意識的牴觸 I call it subconscious resistance.
表面上你想殺人 On the surface you wanted to kill,
但內心深處你歌頌人類的價值 but deep down, you celebrated human worth
於是你故意去遺忘 in a veil of forgetfulness
本該知道的如何拉開槍栓 draped itself over your knowledge of how to rack a gun.
雖然你的話像極了 Although all this sounds frighteningly close
這個時代的陳詞濫調 to the cliches of our times...
雖然我很想反駁你的觀點 and I'm predisposed to knock holes in your arguments...
但我太累了 I'm too tired.
那好吧 Well, that's good.
你為什麼不躺下 Why don't you lay down?
好的 Yes.
這樣說吧 講述我的故事 Let me just say that telling my story
不管是你讓我講 還是你允許我講 as you insisted, or permitted,
都令我如釋重負 has put me at ease.
此時此刻 我很清楚我的性癮 At this moment,my addiction is very clear to me.
我決定好了 And I've come to a decision.
即使一百萬人中只有一個 像那個將信將疑的心理醫生說的 Even though only one in a million,as my dubious therapist said,
可以成功地從精神上 succeed in mentally,
身體上 bodily,
從內心深處 and in her heart
擺脫性慾 ridding herself of her sexuality...
那就是我的目標 this is now my goal.
但這樣的生活值得嗎 But is that a life worth living?
只有這樣我才能活下去 It's the only way I can live it.
不管路途多麼艱險 I will stand up against all odds...
就像山上那棵奇形怪狀的樹 just like a deformed tree on a hill.
我會用我全部的執著 I will muster all of my stubbornness...
全部的力量 my strength...
像男人一樣的攻擊性 my masculine aggression.
但最重要的是 我想感謝你 But most of all I want to say thanks
我的新朋友 也許是第一個朋友 to my new and maybe first friend.
謝謝你 塞利格曼 Thank you, Seligman...
把這些事都說出來 我感覺舒暢多了 who perhaps is happy when all is said and done.
無論如何 我很開心 I'm happy at any rate
槍沒有響 that the shot didn't go off
我沒變成殺人凶手 and made me a murderer.
我現在想睡覺了 If I may, I'd like to sleep now.
保證不會有人打擾你 I'll make sure you won't be disturbed.
當你睡醒的時候 And when you wake up,maybe we could
我們可以討論下你的未來 discuss your future if you'd like.
在你開始新生活後 In your new life,
你會考慮找尋找的兒子嗎 would you consider seeking out your son?
可能吧 It's possible.
晚安 喬 Good night, Joe.
晚安 塞利格曼 Good night, Seligman.
不要 No!
可你睡過成千上萬個男人了 But you,you fucked thousands of men.