您好，斯圖亞特·普萊斯醫生診所 (voice-mail) Hi, you've reached the office of Dr. Stuart Price.
診所將停業至本月24日，敬請留意 Please note the office will be closed until the 24th.
如果病情緊急，請… If this is an emergency, please try...
嗨！我是斯圖亞特·普萊斯醫生，我要結婚了 (voice-mail) Hi! This is Dr. Stu Price. I'm getting married.
所以我要出國兩周 So I'll be out of the country for 2 weeks.
我不確定到時手機有沒有信號 I'm not sure if I'll have cell service.
如果有牙科急癥… If this is a dental emergency...
沒人接 Nothing.
(泰語) (speaking in Thai)
爸，別再抱怨了，有用嗎？！ Daddy, please! You're not helping!
我看著斯圖的眼睛 他一點兒也不像個男人 I looked into his eyes. Not the eyes of a man.
他就是個懦夫 The eyes of a coward.
(泰語) (speaking in Thai again)
不好意思！ Excuse me!
- 菲爾 - 特蕾西！ - Bill! - Tracy!
- 對不起！ - 你們他媽的死哪兒去了? - I'm sorry! - Where the hell are you?
我們又喝高了！ It happened again!
別嚇我！ Don't say that, please!
不，這次我們真的搞砸了 No this time we really fucked up.
說真格的，你們幾個是不是腦子進水了？ Seriously! What is wrong with you three?
對不起，特蕾西，我不知從何說起 So much Trace, I don't even know where to begin.
天哪！到底有多糟糕？ Oh god! How bad?
- 難道，要取消婚禮？ - 差不多… - Like, no wedding bad? - Yeah...
可能更糟一些 a little worse than that.
《宿醉 2》 THE HANGOVER PART II
（一周前） ONE WEEK EARLIER
嗯哼 Uh, huh.
- 你真得多用用牙線了 - 去你的，我要是願意用牙線還跑你這兒幹嘛 - You really need to floss more. - Fuck that! That's why I come here.
- 那你來勤點啊，兩年一次也忒兒少了 - 幹嘛？你想榨光我的錢啊 - Then you should come more than once every two years! - Why? So you can bleed me of all my money?
菲爾，我從你那兒一個子兒也沒收過 I never charge you a dime, Phil!
- 嘿，你這麻醉的玩意怎麼用？ - 呃，別亂碰 - Hey, how do I work the nitrous? - Ah, you don't actually.
拜託，就試一下！ Come on! Just one hit!
你的補牙正常 還哪兒有問題？ Fillings look pretty good. Any other problems?
有問題，你非要到泰國結婚 Yeah, actually. You're getting married in Thailand.
首先，我們得坐飛機 光路費，就得2000美元 For starters, that's flights for me and Steph. That's two grand right there.
孩子得我岳母看著我心裏怕怕的 Then my mother in laws watching the kids. So now she's got this whole new thing over my head.
再說了，光路上就需要5天時間 Plus, takes five days to get there.
你就扯吧，是16個小時 再說那地方挺美的 It's a 16 hour flight. And it's beautiful when you get there.
- 有夠麻煩的 - 是有點遠 - Whatever, it's a hassle! - It is kinda far.
勞拉用了一周也沒倒過時差來 Lauren's been there a week and she's still jet lagged.
但那是她父母的故鄉，這對他們很重要 But it's where her parents are from and it means a lot to them.
誰他媽的管她父母！ 何況他爸那麼煩你 Who gives a shit about her parents! Her dad hates you!
他不煩我，他只是沒跟我說過話… He doesn't hate me! He's just never spoken to me...
…文化差異嘛 ...I think it's a cultural thing.
你幹嘛不能像上次一樣在拉斯維加斯結婚，麻煩少多了 Why can't you just get married in Vegas like you did the last time. It's so much easier.
你幹嘛就不能替我高興呢？ Why can't you just be excited for me?
我要結婚了！ This is my wedding!
- 你很高興，是嗎？ - 當然 - You're really happy, huh? - I really am.
好吧… Alright...
…我也替你高興 ...I'm happy too.
- 謝謝！ - 應該挺有趣的 - Thank you! - Gonna be fun.
菲爾，把處方本還給我 Phil. Put the prescription pad back.
- 謝了，你知道這是犯罪，嗯？ - 滾犢子 - Thank you. You know that's a felony right? - Fuck you, man!
- 你是不是把它放你褲襠裏了？ - 是 - Was this right up against your scrotum? - Yep.
- 噢，老天，我剛發現 - 什麼? - Oh my god, I just realized. - What?
- 我忘了更新我的護照了 - 哦，不… - I forgot to renew my passport! - Oh no...
好消息是，我上周已經幫你更新了 就放在廚房的抽屜裏 Good thing I did it last week. It's in the kitchen drawer.
- 你真好！ - 嘿！誰讓咱倆是兩口子呢 - You're the best! - Hey! We're a team!
你是個好人，一個純粹的好人！ You're a good guy. Like a really good guy!
謝謝 Thank you!
- 所以，我求你件事，你別生氣啊 - 生氣？是什麼事？ - So I know you're not gonna get mad. - Mad? What, mad at what?
艾倫知道我們要去泰國 參加斯圖的婚禮了 Alan found out that we're going to Thailand for Stu's wedding.
- 然後? - 他傷透心了，你們幾個就像他的家人一樣 - So? - So he's heart broken Doug. You guys are like his family!
不，不，你家人才是他的家人 No. Your family is like his family.
艾倫每天嘴裏都是你們三個 All Alan talks about is the three of you.
- 還有維加斯的那個週末 - 等等… - And that weekend. - Wait a second...
- 是不是他給我電話 打了又掛，掛了又打，不說話 - 他難過的時候會這麼做 - Is he the one who keeps calling and hanging up? - He does that when he's upset.
他不明白為什麼斯圖沒請他 He doesn't understand why he's not invited.
你能跟斯圖說說嗎？就當為了我 Could you just run it by Stu? Just run it by him.
行不… For me...
死都不行，絕對不行 No fucking way! Absolutely not!
拜託，斯圖，艾倫很想去 Come on Stu, it's killing him.
說實話，你們倆我都不想請 Honestly, the two of you were barely invited.
我理解，真的 但是，你要知道 I get it. I really do. It's just, you know what...
艾倫把你當他最好的朋友之一 Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
我把艾倫當瘋子 I consider Alan to be insane.
斯圖，你就讓他去吧！ 說好了他捅了簍子由他賠 Stu, throw him a bone! We've already said he's got to pay for everything he eats and everything he breaks.
我們想法讓你未來岳父掏錢搞單身漢派對 You know what. We should see if we can squeeze the old man to cover the bachelor party.
- 這主意不錯 - 我很高興你提起這事兒 - That's good. - I'm glad you brought that up.
- 因為，這頓飯就是我的單身派對 - 什麼？ - Because... this is the bachelor party! - What?
- 你說什麼? - 是的，這就是我單身早午餐派對！ - What are you talking about? - Yeah, it's my bachelor brunch!
夥計們，放開點兒，多來點兒碎巧克力煎餅……再讓服務員來個膝舞… Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes... a lap dance from the waitress...
純屬扯淡！斯圖 你不能連單身派對都不搞 That's bullshit! You can't just skip out of a bachelor party, Stu.
看見沒，我在橘子汁上蓋了紙巾 You see that? That's orange juice with a napkin on top.
知道為什麼嗎？就是為了防止有人給我下藥 Do you know why? So nobody roofies me.
我怎麼會拒絕在單身派對上吃香瓜呢？ Why I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party?
- 斯圖，你是不是有點反應過度？ - 不，沒有 - C'mon Stu. Don't you think you're over reacting? - No, I don't.
拉斯維加斯那次，我還沒緩過來呢 I'm still putting the pieces of my broken psyche back together.
是勞拉的出現才讓我逐漸恢復過來 為了勞拉，我不能再搞砸了 And you know what the glue is? Lauren! I'm not doing anything to screw that up.
- 切，要不是因為我們 你能和勞拉在一起嘛 - 那又怎麼樣 - Oh, please. You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us. - Oh, this'll be good.
斯圖，仔細想想吧 Stu, think about it!
因此你才甩了梅麗莎, 兩年後，遇到你的真命天女 You ended up ditching Melissa, and two years later you met your true soul mate.
如果不是因為拉斯維加斯那次 你就跟那個婊子結婚了 You take Vegas out of that equation, you would have married a cunt.
別大驚小怪的，這是個單身派對 Oh that's ok. I'm allowed to say it. It's a bachelor party.
乾杯，各位 Drink up everybody.
噢，等等，我忘了這兒沒有酒！因為這是他媽的茶餐廳！ Oh wait, there's no alcohol! I forgot we're at a fuckin IHOP!
不管怎樣，這是我的最終決定 所以…說句祝詞吧？ Well it's my decision and it's final, so...how bout a toast?
滾犢子的，我走了 This sucks. I'm gonna wait in the car.
- 拜託，菲爾，你去哪兒？ - 道格，我真是不知道他怎麼想的 - C'mon Phil, where you going? - Doug, Doug, I just don't get it!
他要去泰國結婚，好極了！ 他考慮過我們嗎？ He's getting married in Thailand! That's great for him, but what about us?
你太自私了，我們走，寶貝… You're selfish! Come on, sweetheart...
我都替你害臊！ Shame on you!
別擔心，斯圖，你的決定我支持 Don't worry Stu. I will stand up for you no matter what.
謝謝 Thank you.
求你讓艾倫參加你的婚禮吧 But you gotta help me out with this Alan thing.
夥計們，你們能來，我真高興… Guys, I can't tell you how much this means...
自從聽說婚禮這事兒，艾倫一直在等著 Alan's been waiting for the invite ever since he got word of the wedding.
- 我相信 - 是啊 - I'm sure he has. - Yeah.
他整日整日地站在郵箱旁邊 Been standing outside by the mailbox every day.
- 難為他了 - 是啊 - Well that's tough. - Yeah.
我想他對上次維加斯之行還念念不忘 I uh, I'm not sure he ever left Vegas.
參加婚禮對他很重要 He really needs this.
什麼事? What?
寶貝，是我，爸爸！ 斯圖他們來了！慢慢走進去 Sweetie, papa! You have visitors! Go in slowly.
給他點兒時間去適應 Give him a chance to acclimate.
- 嘿，艾倫！ - 嘿，夥計們！嘿，菲爾！ - Hey, Alan! - Hey, guys! Hey, Phil!
嘿，夥計！ Hey, bud!
- 你們要進來嗎? - 好，當然 - You guys wanna come in? - Sure. Absolutely.
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
- 嘿，斯圖 - 好啦，那我們中場休息時再見… - Hey, Stu! - Ok. See you on the court in half...
- 艾倫，你的房間很有品嘛！ - 謝謝，菲爾！我老爸幫我付房租 - Pretty cool room, Alan! - Thanks, Phil! My dad pays my rent.
艾倫，搞什麼！你怎麼能留著這些照片 Alan, what the fuck! You were supposed to delete these!
你發過誓要刪掉的！ You made a promise!
哇哦，哇哦！ Whoa, whoa, whoa!
見鬼的？這讓我很不爽 你不能留著這些照片 What the hell? I'm not cool with this at all. You can't have these.
放輕鬆，斯圖！不會有人來我這兒的 Relax, Stu! Nobody ever comes in here.
- 你踐踏了我對你的信任！ - 媽，午餐我不吃了，你來拿走！ - A total violation of trust! - Mother I'm done with my lunch. It's just sitting here!
對不起，寶貝，我馬上來 I'm sorry, honey. I'll be right up.
- 真不敢相信，你們來看我，棒極了 - 等等！ - I can't believe you guys stopped by. This is really cool. - Wait a second!
- 艾倫，這個是周先生? - 是啊，我們還有聯繫呢 - Al, is that Mr. Chow? - Yeah. We still keep in touch.
斯圖，看 Stu!
周，那個綁架我們的周？ Chow, the guy that kidnapped us?
他沒綁架我們，他綁架了黑人道格 He didn't kidnap us. He kidnapped Black Doug.
想起來沒？那只不過是個誤會 Remember? It was a whole big misunderstanding.
他挺不錯的 He's actually quite charming.
- 艾倫，他是個罪犯 - 抱歉打擾你們！ - Alan, he's a criminal. - Excuse me, boys!
- 嗨，琳達！ - 嗨，道格！ - Hi, Linda! - Hi, Dougie!
我是不是不能吃甜點了 怎麼我沒接到通知 I guess we don't do desert anymore. I didn't get that memo.
對不起，寶貝，我馬上去拿 I'm sorry, darling. I'll be right back.
拿個蛋糕你能死啊？ Would a cupcake kill you?
- 我覺得，這真不是個好主意 - 艾倫，我們有個驚喜帶給你 - You know, I don't think this was a good idea. - Alan, we have a little surprise for you.
斯圖想邀請你參加他的婚禮 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- 當然，如果你有事兒就算了 - 斯圖！ - Well only if you're not busy. - Stu!
也許喬納斯兄弟巡演到這裏呢 Well maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.
不，那個週末恰好他們在羅利 （北卡羅那州首府） Nope. They're in Raleigh-Durham that weekend.
你真願意讓我去，斯圖？ 真的嗎？ Are you really being serious, Stu? You're inviting me?
是，幹嘛不呢？應該挺有趣的，是吧？ Yeah why not? It's gonna be fun, right?
- 菲爾，你去嗎? - 當然了！ - Phil, are you going? - Of course!
那我們全體歸隊了 Then it will be fun.
你瘋了嗎？ What the fuck are you doing, man?
這是我的疫苗，最後一支 It's my immunizations. It's the last day I can do it.
這必須由有執照的護士來做 That's supposed to be done by a registered nurse.
我是護士，無照而已 I'm a nurse. Just not registered.
斯圖，看這個！ 因為你我才買的！ Stu, look at this! I bought this cause I thought of you!
- 嘿，他在那兒！ - 嘿，斯圖！ - Hey, there he is! - Hey, Stu!
- 泰迪，怎麼樣？最近好嗎？ - 挺好 - Teddy! What's up? How are ya? - Hey Stu.
- 喂，他是誰，斯圖？ - 這位是泰迪，勞拉的弟弟 - Alright. Who's this guy, Stu? - This is Teddy. Lauren's little brother.
斯坦福大學的，醫學預科 這是菲爾，艾倫和道格 Goes to Stanford. Pre-med. This is Phil, Alan and Doug.
嘿，很高興認識你 Hey, nice to meet you, man!
哇哦，斯坦福？你多大？ Wow, Stanford? How old are you?
- 17，天才兒童 - 其實是16 - He's 17. Kind of a genius. - Actually, I'm 16.
我不是天才，只是我老爸 讓我參加入學考試比較早而已 I'm not a genius. My dad just had me take the entrance exams early.
因為你是天才嘛 Because you're a genius.
- 那你現在已經是醫生了？ - 不，還不是，預科而已 - So what are you, a doctor? - No, not yet. I'm premed.
- 你聽說過《天才小醫生》嗎？（美劇） - 嗯 - Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser? - Yeah.
- 原來他是個「同志」 - 艾倫 - Well, he turned out to be a gay. - Alan.
是真的，我在青少年雜誌上讀到的 It's true, I read it in Teen People.
好了…我要去買本書之類的 你們需要什麼嗎？ Right, ok... well I'm gonna grab a book or something for the plane. You guys want anything?
- 不，謝謝 - 能幫我帶一小瓶水嗎？ - No, thanks. I'm good. - I would actually love a small water.
沒問題 Cool.
- 你發什麼瘋，他才16歲而已 - 就是，艾倫，你正常點 - What's the matter with you. He's 16 years old. - Yeah, Alan. Take it easy!
我不太明白，他是送了我們就離開還是怎樣？ I'm a little confused. Is he here just to see us off or what. How does this work?
- 什麼怎樣？ - 他要跟我們一起去參加婚禮？ - How does what work? - Is that person coming to the wedding?
是的，我新娘的弟弟去參加婚禮你有問題嗎？ Yes Alan. My brides little brother is coming to the wedding. Is that ok with you?
有，你就不能提前告訴我一下嘛 Well, it's the first time I've heard of it. You could have paged me.
別大驚小怪，沒事的 Don't over react. It's gonna be fine.
- 嘿，我能坐這兒嗎？ - 只有狼群能坐，你找其他位置吧 - Hey. Mind if I sit? - Wolf pack only. Find another chair.
- 什麼狼群，艾倫，別鬧了 - 沒關係，我找其他… - There's no wolfpack, Alan. C'mon. - It's no problem. I'll find...
- 泰迪，別聽他的，你就坐這裏 - 小心點，這是我的… - Teddy, don't be ridiculous! You're sitting here! - Careful, that's a Louis...
LV包！ That is a Louis Vuitton!
- 這個頸枕不錯！ - 謝謝！你要用可以借你 - That's a nice neck roll! - Thanks! You can use it if you want.
好 Ok.
The Downeaster 'Alexa'" by Billy Joel playing
寶貝！ Baby!
這裏真是佈置得太好了！謝謝您！ This is so absolutely beautiful! Thank you much!
當然 Of course.
你一定挺高興的不久你家裏就有2個醫生了 Between Teddy and me, you must be pretty excited. Pretty soon you'll have 2 doctors in the family.
你得知道，在我的國家 看牙的可算不上醫生 You have to realize that in my country we don't consider dentists to be real doctors.
爸… Dad...
哦 Ok.
我要去找泰迪了，談談今晚他的獨奏 Anyway I have to go and talk to Teddy about his cello performance tonight.
哎喲！ Ouch!
對不起… I'm so sorry...
你老爸未免太寵你弟弟了 Your dad's kind of obsessed with your brother, isn't he?
泰迪是我老爸最寶貴的財產了 一直這樣 Teddy is my dad's prize possession. It's always been that way.
他慢慢會喜歡你的，好吧? He'll warm up, I promise! Okay?
爸爸，你可以發傳真到酒店 我到禮賓部去取 You can just fax it over to me. I'll pick it up at the concierge.
謝謝，爸爸！再見！ Thanks, papa! Bye bye!
我老爸電話，我是個啃老族 That was my dad. I'm a stay at home son.
我們剛才在討論結婚禮物 他會送份大禮 We were discussing your wedding gift. He's sparing no expense.
噢…不必那麼破費了 Oh... That's so unnecessary.
我一直在打聽，既然這裏是個漁村 I've been meaning to ask someone. I notice this is a fishing village.
那島上有沒有「海滋客」（美國連鎖海鮮快餐店） Is there a Long John Silver's on the island?
對不起，這裏沒有 You know. No, I don't think so. I'm so sorry.
但是，我們這裏有非常新鮮的海鮮 But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood.
- 比「海滋客」還好? - 當然 - Better than Long John's? - Yes.
- 我得親自去評判一下，你們好好享受 - 你也是 - I'll be the judge of that. Enjoy your evening. - You too. Ok.
哇哦！ All right!
謝謝，泰迪！ Thank you, Teddy!
才華橫溢的音樂家！ The hands of a brilliant musician!
未來出色的外科醫生 And one day, a great surgeon.
我承認… I admit it...
當我第一次見到斯圖，我不太滿意 When I first met Stu, I was not quite sold.
他缺乏魅力，智力平庸，沒有想像力 He seemed unattractive. He lacked intelligence and imagination.
他沒有男人身上的火花 He was missing the spark you look for in a man.
但是，當我注視他的雙眼 But then I looked into Stu's eyes.
他讓我想起了我的弟弟，常勇 It reminded me of my sweet brother, Chai Yo.
在座的各位也許不知道常勇在學習帆船，住在癡呆老人院 For those who do not know, Chai Yo is learning the sailboat and lives in a group home.
常勇喜歡「Khao」(泰語） But Chai Yo loves "khao" .
我就意識到，斯圖就是「Khao」 And that's when I realized, Stu is "khao".
什麼是「Khao」？ What is "khao"?
「Khao」是一種泡在溫水裏的軟白米 "Khao" is soft white rice in luke warm water.
沒有味道 It has no taste.
我們用它喂嬰兒和非常老的老人 We feed it to small baby and uh, very old people.
誰吃了都能消化 It is nourishment that everyone can digest.
這個世界需要「khao」 就像這個世界需要斯圖 The world needs "khao", just as the world needs people like Stu.
敬我的寶貝女兒和斯圖！恭喜你們！ To my sweet daughter and Stu! Congratulations!
乾杯！ Cheers!
下面，泰迪你來說幾句 And now I believe that Teddy has something to say.
你坐下，我來 坐下，聽見沒！ Sit down! I got this. Sit down, boy!
先生，你…你剛才講得很好 That was a.. a great speech, sir!
我喜歡你把斯圖比做米飯 I like the comparison between Stu and rice.
我也有幾句話要講 I've also prepared a few words.
嘿，大家好，給大家講幾個有趣的事實 Hey everybody. Here's some fun facts.
泰國的人口是6300萬 The population in Thailand is 63 million people.
是懷俄明州的兩倍 It is twice the size of Wyoming.
主要出口物是紡織品，鞋子和大米 It's chief exports are textiles, footwear and rice.
每年大約有13000人死於車禍 Each year approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand.
- 泰國的氣候是… - 艾倫！ - The climate in Thailand... - Alan!
- 你幹嘛不直接讀最後一張 - 好的！ - Why don't you skip to the last card there, buddy. - Okay. Sorry!
你們沒有人比我更瞭解斯圖 None of you know Stu like I do.
不是你…不是你…不是你… Not you... not you... not you...
沒人比我更瞭解斯圖 Not nobody knows Stu like I do.
沒有人！ No one!
我不能告訴你們我跟斯圖經歷了些什麼 因為我們有君子協議 I can't even tell you what we've been through cause we made a pact.
歃血之盟 More important than blood.
但是我能告訴你們 這不是斯圖的頭婚 What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage.
在幾年前，有個拉斯維加斯的妓女 There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago.
你給我坐下… Sit down...
- 夠了！那些都會過去的！ - 好的，謝謝，菲爾！ - Enough! He'll get over it! - Okay. Thanks, Phil!
傻臉了吧！ In your face!
就料到你爸爸會那樣挖苦我 Well that was exactly as painful as I expected it to be.
對不起… Sorry...
- 哦，大米布丁！幹嘛呢？ - 哈哈，很搞笑嗎？！ - Oh, rice pudding! What are you doing? - HaHa. Very funny!
乖一點，菲爾！他今晚特別感性 Be nice, Phil! He's extra sensitive tonight.
有什麼呢！你搶走了他女兒 他恨你很正常 Get over it! He's your father in law. He's supposed to hate you.
走，咱們老爺們兒出去喝一杯 Come have a drink with me and the guys.
不了…我累了 我們打算上樓休息去了 You know... I'm really exhausted. We're just gonna go upstairs and crash.
別掃興，我剛求了那個經理 他允許我們在海灘上生個火 C'mon, I just spoke with the manager. He's gonna let us have a bonfire on the beach.
聽起來不錯！ That sounds fun!
- 嗯…我還是算了 - 人家累了！ - Nyah... I'm good. - He's tired!
斯圖，你就去陪他們喝幾杯了 Stu, one drink with your friends who came all this way.
- 我只想跟你多待會兒！ - 去吧！帶上泰迪 - I just wanna hang out with you! - Oh c'mon. Just go! And do me a favor.
就當是幫我的忙 他一直挺悶的 Take Teddy with you. He never gets to have any fun.
好主意，帶上泰迪 That is a great idea. Bring the kid.
- 好吧，只喝一杯！ - 棒極了 - Alright. One drink! - Perfect.
- 再見 - 好好玩！ - See you later. - Have fun!
- 你帶鑰匙了嗎? - 帶了！ - You have the key? - Yep, got it right here!
我20分鐘後就上去！ I'll see you in 20 minutes!
我叔叔羅傑告訴我 他見過一隻得白化病的北極熊 My uncle Roger said that he once saw an albino polar bear.
是嗎？北極熊本來就是白的 他怎麼知道它得白化病了？ Really? Polar bears are white. How would he know if it's an albino?
那只北極熊原來是黑的 This one was black.
你有沒有想過那不是北極熊就是只黑熊？ Did you ever think maybe it was just a black bear?
隨便了… Whatever...
來一瓶，美國啤酒 Ok. Here we go. American beer.
- 原裝的！ - 謝謝，不錯！ - Sealed bottle! - Thank you. Alright!
- 我還沒到飲酒的年齡 - 沒錯，這違法 - I'm not really old enough to drink. - Yeah, it's illegal.
要是有人舉報，你就慘了 Would be a shame if somebody reported you.
誰舉報啊，別理他 喝一瓶，泰迪 Nobody's reporting anybody. It's fine Teddy. Have a little fun.
小心！ Careful!
這是什麼？棉花糖？ 想法不錯！ What is this? Instant marshmallows? Nice touch!
- 艾倫拿來的 - 好主意，艾倫！ - That was Alan's idea. - Good thinking, Al!
我得向你坦白…這地方真是天堂，斯圖！ You know... I gotta hand it to you, Stu! This place is paradise.
不錯，是吧? Not bad, right?
我真不敢相信自己這麼說 不過，我還真有點嫉妒你 And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually jealous of you.
- 勞拉是個天使 - 嗯，她確實很棒 - I mean, Lauren is an angel. - Yeah, she really is amazing.
哇，你們什麼時候嘴這麼甜 Wow, you guys are sweet.
咪咪雖然不大，但是，很挺 Not big breasts on her. But still, solid rack for an Asian.
- 不好意思讓你聽見，泰迪，這是事實 - 沒關係 - Sorry, Teddy, but it's true. - That's ok.
這麼說哥們的媳婦，太不合適了 That is just wildly inappropriate.
不過…真的很感謝你們能來 艾倫你也是 And yet... I'm really glad you're here. All you guys. Even you Alan.
這對我很重要，謝謝 It means a lot that you made the trip. Thank you.
- 我們一直都挺你 - 是的！ - Wouldn't have missed it buddy. - Great!
現在來乾一杯? Now. Can we have our one fucking beer, dad?
來，站起來！乾一杯 Alright. Toast! C'mon stand up guys.
湊過來，艾倫！ Come over here, Alan!
敬勞拉和斯圖！ To Lauren and Stu!
- 兄弟，你終於結婚了 - 沒錯 - You did it, buddy. - Sure did.
乾杯！ Cheers!
見鬼… What the hell...
什麼? What?
菲爾… Phil...
上次拉斯維加斯的狀況重現了 I think it happened again.
- 艾倫，你他媽都幹什麼了? - 我發誓，我什麼都沒干 - Alan, what the fuck did you do? - I didn't do anything. I swear to god.
你頭髮沒了 Your hair is gone.
不是這兒…往上摸 No, no... up.
我們這是在哪兒? Where the fuck are we?
菲爾，我好怕 Phil, I'm scared.
斯圖，快起來！出大事了 Stu, c'mon get up! We got a situation.
- 噢！ 他娘的！ - 這是哪兒? - Oh, holy shit! - Where are we?
- 老天，艾倫，你的頭 - 不，你的頭！ - Oh my god, Alan. Your head. - No your head!
- 我也禿了? - 斯圖，你別抓狂，一切都會好的 - Is it bald? - Stu, you're gonna freak out, but it's gonna be ok.
- 怎麼？我牙又沒了？ - 不，不是你的牙 - Why? Was it my teeth? - Nope, it's not your teeth.
- 你確定? - 是的 - Are you sure? - Yep.
你能看見我牙根嗎? Can you see the bottom?
噢，老天，靠！ Oh my god! What the fu...ck
對，試試，看能不能洗掉 That's good. Why don't you try to wash it off.
洗不掉，靠，這是真紋身！ It's not coming off. This is a real tattoo!
- 艾倫，你幹什麼了！你又給我下藥了？ - 我什麼也沒幹啊！ - Alan, what did you do! Did you Roofie me? - I didn't do anything!
斯圖，他真沒幹！ Stu, he swore to god!
到底咋回事? What happened?
快把它趕走！ Get it off of me!
- 靠? - 是隻猴子 - What the hell? - It's a monkey.
小臉真可愛，嗨，小猴子 What a cute little mask. Hi little monkey.
艾倫… Alan...
電話！艾倫，接電話！ Phone! Alan, go find the phone!
我接！ I got it!
- 道格，你在哪? - 我在泳池邊吃早飯 - Doug, where the hell are you? - I'm at breakfast. By the pool.
- 你們下來嗎? - 哦，謝天謝天，道格沒事 - You guys coming down or what? - Oh Jesus. Thank god. Doug's fine.
- 斯圖，道格沒事，在酒店 - 那我們怎麼在這鬼地方 - Stu, Doug's fine. He's at the resort. - Why aren't we at the resort.
怎麼了？你們在哪兒？ What's going on? Where are you guys?
不知道哪個城市的破旅館裏 I do not know, man! We woke up in some shit hole room in some city.
- 老天，到底哪個城市？ - 我不知道，道格！ - Oh god. What city? - I don't know, Doug!
反正沒出亞洲 Fuckin Asia-town.
- 我說了我不知道 - 這到底是哪兒? - I do not know, I told you. - Where are we?
- 嘿，斯圖 - 幹嘛? - Hey Stu. - What?
你來看 Check this out.
你見過這玩意兒嗎？ Ever seen anything like this?
- 啥玩意兒？- 小心，可能是蜘蛛網 - What is that? - Careful. Might be a spiders nest.
我被蜘蛛網粘住過 I've tangled with those before.
我不明白，兄弟 我們昨天不是一起喝酒嘛？你也喝了！ I don't get it man. We each had one beer last night, right? I mean you too!
- 是，但我提早離開了，有印象沒? - 我什麼也不記得了 - Yeah but I left early, remember? - I don't remember shit!
特蕾西不太舒服，我回去陪她了 Tracy wasn't feeling well. She came down to get me.
- 等下，泰迪和你們在一起嗎？ - 什麼泰迪？你指啥？ - Wait and second. Is Teddy with you guys? - Teddy? What? What are you talking about?
他不在房間，他們找他一上午了 He wasn't in his room. They've been looking for him all morning.
- 泰迪在斯坦福讀書，對吧? - 是，咋啦? - Teddy went to Stanford, right? - Yeah. Why?
靠！ Fuck!
- 我剛找到他的手指頭啦！ - 啥? - I just found his finger! - What?
- 我他媽的剛找到他的手指頭，道格！ - 菲爾，到底咋回事? - I just found his fucking finger, Doug! - Phil, what is going on?
行，行，行…我們先這麼著 Alright. Alright, alright... this is what we're gonna do.
你告訴大家，我們早起釣魚去了 You tell the girls that we woke up early and went on a fishing trip, ok. And that's where we are.
- 好 - 好，隨時再聯絡！ - Right. - Right, stay by the phone!
靠！ Shit!
我們有點小麻煩 Uh, we got a little bit of a problem.
你們看什麼呢? What is that?
不知道 We don't know.
- 是條蟲子嗎? - 是個蘑菇 - Is it a worm? - It's a mushroom.
是香菇 Yeah, shiitake.
小猴，嘗嘗！是香菇嗎？ Monkey, taste it! Is it shiitake?
- 他不明白你說啥的 - 你真嘗了 - He can't understand you. - He just did.
- 它為啥要扯它呢? - 可能餓了 - Why is he pulling on it? - He's probably hungry.
等等，這是不是… Wait a second. Is that...
搞什麼搞，讓猴子別扯我耳朵 What the fuck man. Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone.
周? Chow?
你們這群瘋子 You're fucking crazy.
這兒真他媽亮！艾倫 快把我太陽鏡拿來！ It's so fucking light in here! Alan, grab me my sunglasses!
- 見到你真好，萊斯利！ - 你也好，小寶寶 - It's great to see you, Leslie! - Nice to see you too my little popo.
周，你他媽咋會在這兒？ Chow, what the fuck are you doing here?
艾倫幾天前打電話約我來參加婚禮 Alan called me a few days ago and invited me to the wedding.
- 什麼? - 怎麼了，我有權帶客人來 - Excuse me? - What, he's my plus one.
不，你沒有，一個人餐費要200美元呢 You don't have plus one. It's $200 a plate.
哥們，別扯遠了 -周，發生什麼事了？ Guys, guys. Just focus, ok. -Chow, what happened?
你們發短信給我，說想開心一下 You guys texted me, said you're fucked up and looking to party.
我就開了船，帶你們到了曼谷 I picked you up on my boat and I brought you here to Bangkok.
賤人們，我們昨天可瘋狂了 But we had a sick night, bitches!
等一下，周，我們在曼谷? Wait a second Chow, we're in Bangkok?
哈哈，是啊，「上帝之城」 Holler, city of squalor.
- 你知道我怎麼有這個紋身的嗎? - 當然是從紋身專業人士那裏紋的啦！ - Do you know how I got this tattoo? - Uh, yeah from a fucking tattoo guy!
拜託，斯圖，用用你的大腦 Come on Stu, use that big Jewish brain.
猴子拿的是什麼？ What's the monkey holding?
- 是根手指頭！ - 斯圖，我有個壞消息 - That's a finger! - Stu, I got some bad news.
泰迪昨天和我們在一起 這是他的指頭 Teddy was with us last night. That's his finger.
- 泰迪死了? - 泰迪沒死！他昨晚和我們一起瘋呢！ - Teddy's dead? - Teddy's not dead! He partied with us all night!
- 那他在哪兒? - 你們什麼都不記得了? - Well then where is he? - Don't you remember anything?
- 不！ - 什麼都不記得，周 - No! - No, nothing, Chow.
那我給你們講講，好吧? Ok I explain it all, ok?
讓我先爽一爽，清醒下 Just let me do one bump, get my head straight. Come to papa.
太多了吧… That's a big...
你們準備好聽有史以來最瘋狂的故事… You ready for craziest fucking story ever...
周！ Chow!
周，你沒事吧? Hey Chow, you okay?
真是扯淡 You gotta be kidding me.
靠，他死了！ Fuck, he's dead!
- 救命！ - 斯圖！ - Help! - Stu!
- 救命！ - 斯圖，閉嘴！ - Help! - Stu, shut up!
- 快叫救護車！ - 閉嘴！他已經死了！ - Call an ambulance! - Shut up! He's dead!
如果有人來了 發現一具死屍和一堆毒品… Look if someone comes and finds a dead body and a pile of cocaine...
我們就等著在泰國把監牢坐穿吧 We're gonna spend the rest of our fucking lives in a Thai prison.
艾倫！求你別哭了！ Alan! Please don't cry!
行了，行了，容我考慮幾分鐘 Alright. Alright. I just need a second to figure this out.
（製冰機在15樓） ICE MACHINE LOCATED ON 15TH FLOOR.
這是個蠢主意！ Look, this is the worst idea, ever.
這是什麼鬼地方? What the fuck is this place?
曼谷是泰國的首都人口1200萬… Bangkok is the capital of Thailand. Its population is 12 million people...
艾倫，幫把手！ Alan, will you help!
- 電梯！ - 我來按！ - The elevator! - I'll get the button!
- 這猴子跟來幹嘛? - 猴子可聰明著呢！ - What the fuck is the deal with this monkey? - That monkey gets it!
- 快啊！ - 靠，不是吧 - Come on! - Fuck no!
停電了，我們走樓梯 The powers out. We gotta take the stairs.
- 靠！ - 走吧！ - Oh fuck! - Come on!
到了！ Here it is!
先放腳，我以前幹過 Feet first. I've done this before.
小心！ Careful!
- 斯圖！ - 什麼？ - Stu! - What?
- 我們還得找泰迪！ - 老天 - We still have to find Teddy! - Oh god.
屋頂！ （參見第一部，他們最終在屋頂找到失蹤的道格） The roof!
泰迪！（參見第一部，他們最終在屋頂找到失蹤的道格） Teddy!
- 你們找到他沒? - 沒有！ - You guys see him? - No!
他沒在這兒 He's not here.
我真不敢相信，又來一次 I can't believe this is happening again.
我們留下來找泰迪，你先回去吧 Ok, look. We'll handle this. You get back there.
你告訴他們，我們三個喝多了還在派對呢 You tell them that Alan and I got drunk with him, we're still partying.
- 明天就要婚禮了！ - 不！沒有泰迪我不回去！ - You gotta go get married! - No! Not going back without Teddy!
他是勞拉的弟弟，他丟了，而且受傷了 He's Lauren's little brother. He's lost, he's injured.
如果我搞砸了，我什麼都沒了 If I fuck this up, I have to lose everything.
好吧 Ok.
好 Alright.
- 艾倫，翻翻你的口袋！ - 幹嘛? - Alan, check your pockets! - What?
你知道的，可能會有昨晚的線索 You know the drill. C'mon there might be clues.
- 看看你的電話！通話記錄，短信 - 好主意！ - Check your phones! Numbers, texts. - That's a good idea!
- 我毫無線索，靠！ - 我有一條周的短信 - I got nothing. Fuck! - I got an text from Chow.
- 什麼時候? - 昨晚10點 - What time? - Uh, 10 o'clock last night.
- 他說什麼? - 「同志們，我就到了」 - What's it say? - "On my way, Niggahs"
哦， 弟兄們… 嗯…很復古 Oh, Niggahs... ok... hip hop.
我們死定了！ We are so... fucked!
嘿，菲爾！看後面是什麼！ Hey Phil! Look who's back!
我們得離開這兒了，你快曬傻了 We gotta get you out of the sun. You're too hot.
菲爾，我真覺得我們應該去美國領事館 Phil, I really think we should go to the American Consulate.
去幹嗎？說我們把一具死屍放到製冰機裏去了？ For what? To report a dead body we shoved into an ice machine?
那我們怎麼辦？在這兒繞圈子？ 這難道有用？ What are we gonna do? Keep walking around in circles? Cause that's real productive.
我一直都在想辦法 你跟我這是什麼態度 You know I'm trying to figure this thing out here and your attitude is not helping.
對不住了，這兒溫高100度 我們什麼也沒幹 I'm sorry. It's a 100 degrees and we don't have a plan.
除了給他買帽子和蘇打水 And all we've done is buy him hats and sodas.
- 不，這是芬達！ - 好，那你想怎麼幹，斯圖? -What, it's a bag of Fanta! - Alright, what do you want to do, Stu?
我不知道！ I don't know!
那你就別唧唧歪歪了 好像這全是我的錯 Well then stop yelling at me like it's my fuckin fault.
就是你的錯！ It is your fault!
我都說那個早午餐就當是單身派對算了 All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
靠！閉嘴！是道格！說話！ Shit! Shut up! It's Doug! Talk to me!
我剛和曼谷警察局通過電話了 他們找到泰迪了，他沒事 I just got off the phone with Bangkok PD. They've got him. He's ok.
真太好了！道格找到泰迪了 Oh thank god! Doug found him.
- 怎麼回事? - 他被拘留了 - What happened? - He got arrested.
- 拘留? 因為什麼? - 違反公共秩序 - Arrested? For what? - Disorderly conduct.
- 真的? - 嗯！他沒事就行 - Seriously? - Yeah! He's ok though.
他們會放了他，你們什麼也別問 就當沒這回事 They'll release him to you. No questions asked. No one has to know.
他被關在RATRA Wang警察局 He's at the Ratra Wang police station.
好，我們到那了再給你電話 Ok. I'll call you when we get there.
泰迪在局子裏，沒啥事 我們趕快找個出租車 Teddy's in jail, but he's fine. We gotta get a cab.
- 好！ - 好！ - Ok! - Alright!
- 是，我這兒有他的記錄 - 好的 - Yes, I have his paperwork here. - Okay.
- 手續都辦好了 - 聽起來不錯 - He has been treated. - Sounds good.
好了，他們已經去帶他了 We're good. They've processed him for release.
他們把他跟喝多的人關在一起所以沒啥事 They put him in the drunk tank. He's fine.
16歲就在局子裏蹲一夜，你能想像嗎？ Sixteen years old and spent a night in jail. Can you imagine?
哈哈！我們愛派對 Haha! We love to party.
來了！ Here we go!
- 這老頭兒是誰? - 泰迪啊 - Wait who's this fuckin guy? - Teddy Sisay.
不，不，長官，人不對！ No, no, no, no. That's the wrong guy! Sir!
不好意思，長官，你們帶來的人不對 這不是泰迪！ Excuse me.. I'm sorry. Officer. You brought the wrong guy. That's not Teddy!
他就是泰迪！ 我們有他的身份證，錢包啥的！ Of course it is! We have his ID's and everything!
我們逮捕他的時候，在他口袋裏發現的 These were in his pocket when we made the arrest.
在他口袋裏? They were in his pocket?
對不起，先生！這些東西怎麼在您這兒？ Excuse me, sir! How did you get this stuff?
聽見了嗎? Hello?
泰迪是啞巴，我們跟他說英語，泰語 中文…他啥也不說 Teddy doesn't speak. We tried English, Thai, Chinese... Nothing.
我來問你件事 Let me ask you something.
你看這老頭像是在加州倍力健身俱樂部健過身的嗎？ Does he look like he works out at Bally Total Fitness in Palo Alto, California?
聽著，老子拘人無數，不可能什麼都驗 Look. We arrest a lot of people. We cannot analyze everything.
- 那你讓我們怎麼處理這老頭兒？ - 不關我事兒！ - What do you expect us to do with this guy? - Not my problem!
嘿，兄弟們，我覺得他認識我們 你好啊 Hey guys, I think he knows us. Hi. Hello.
你知道我們的朋友泰迪在哪嗎？他不見了！ Do you know where our friend is, Teddy? He's missing!
- 斯圖，別費勁兒了，沒用 - 他一定知道些什麼！ - Stu, forget it. The guys worthless. - He knows something!
他穿著泰迪的運動衫呢 He's wearing Teddy's sweatshirt.
也許他只是不明白，我來表演給你看 就像猜字謎，看 Maybe he just doesn't understand. I'll act it out. Yeah, like charades. Watch.
- 兩個詞 - 是電影嗎? - Two words. - Is it a movie?
不是讓你猜，艾倫！ This is not for you, Alan!
- 美國少年…在亞洲 - 賈登·史密斯的《功夫夢》 - American teenager... in Asia. - Karate Kid, with Jaden Smith.
你都說出來了，太簡單了 It's easy cause you're talking to him.
斯圖，你這是浪費時間！ 我們就把他擱這兒吧 Stu, it's a waste of time! Just leave this fucking guy here.
我有發現，在泰國有50萬僧侶 Here's something. There are 500 thousand monks living in Thailand.
其中會有不少人，從八歲開始禁言 It is not uncommon for some monks to take a vow of silence, at the age of eight.
原來如此 There you go.
- 信封裏還有什麼? - 沒了，空了 - Anything else in that envelope? - Nah, it's empty.
哇，等下，曼谷白獅子酒吧的卡片？ Woah, hang on. A drink card from White Lion bar in Bangkok?
值得跑一趟 Worth a shot.
老天爺！我們來對地方了嗎？ Jesus christ! Is this the right street?
上面是這麼寫的 That's what it says.
- 哇哦！就是這兒，白獅子酒吧！ - 靠，這地方怎麼了? - Whoa! This is the White Lion! - What the fuck happened here?
見鬼！ Holy shit!
(泰語) (yelling in Thai)
- 走… - 我們應該… - Let's... - We should probably...
小心 That's ok.
他們幹嘛這麼對我們? What the fuck is going on here?
- 哇哦，兄弟們，看！ - 見鬼！你看，斯圖！ - Whoa, guys. Check it out! - Holy shit! Stu, look!
那是我，進去，進去！ 眼力不錯，艾倫！ That's my face. Go, go go! Nice work, Alan!
- 有人嗎? - 馬上就來！ - Hello? - Be with you in a minute!
- 打擾了 - 哦，真是貴客啊！ - Excuse me. - Oh, look who it is!
- 你感覺如何? - 什麼感覺如何? - So what do ya think? - What, I'm sorry?
- 紋身，你喜歡嗎? - 呃，我恨這個紋身 - The tattoo. You love it? - Uh, no. Actually, I hate it.
- 恕不退款，快滾吧！ - 等一下！ - No refunds. Get the fuck out! - Wait a second!
看店內提示！ Read the sign!
恕不退款，快滾吧 NO REFUNDS. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
我們沒想退款，就想問幾個問題 We don't want any refunds. We just have a couple of questions.
我們想知道昨天發生什麼事了 We're trying to figure out what went down last night.
發生什麼？你們去外面看看 外面塌了一半 What went down? Take a look at what you did outside. Half the neighborhood went down.
- 那是我們幹的? - 你們幾個不記得昨晚在白獅子酒吧鬥毆？ - We did that? - You don't remember getting into a bar fight at the White Lion?
- 引起了一場大暴動？ - 兄弟，我們什麼都不記得了 - Starting a full on fuckin riot? - Sir, we don't remember anything.
蒼天啊… Oh boy...
你們看看！ Check this out!
見鬼！ Oh shit!
警察去死！ Fuck the Police!
是泰迪！他跟我們在一起！ There's Teddy! He was with us!
老天！ Jesus christ!
那時警察就來了，不少人頭破血流 That's when the cops arrived and started cracking skulls.
我讓你們藏到這裏 I took you guys and hid you in the shop here.
然後你就決定弄個紋身 哭得像個娘們兒 Then you decided to get a tattoo. You cried like a little bitch.
這小孩才他媽的9歲，蛋蛋是你的兩倍 This kid is fucking nine years old. He's got balls twice your size.
- 讓他們看看, Nao！ - 不，不，我們不看了 - Show him your balls, Nao! - No, no, no. That's ok.
聽著，我們想找我們的朋友泰迪你看見他了嗎？ Listen, we're looking for our friend Teddy. Have you seen him?
昨晚後就沒見了怎麼了？ Not since last night. Why? What happened?
我明天就要和他姐結婚 可我把他弄丟了 Yeah, I'm supposed to marry his sister tomorrow and we kinda lost him.
- 哦，那我沒轍，你認命吧！ - 什麼認命? - Oh well. Then fuck it! - What do you mean, fuck it?
在曼谷丟了的人，是找不到的 Bangkok has him now and she'll never let him go.
聽到了嗎？這就是你想要的？你高興了吧？ - You hear that, huh? Is this what you wanted? You happy now?
你這是浪費時間僧侶對他們的誓言是非常認真的 You're wasting your time. These monks take their vow shit seriously.
看這個，這是清邁寺的標誌 出城你們就能找到 Look at this. That's the sign of the Chang Mai Monastery, just outside of town.
也許那裏有人可以讓他說話 Maybe somebody over there can get him to talk.
好，我們再來回顧一下？ 你從哪拿的啤酒？ - Ok, can we just go over this one more time? You got the beer from...
- 從酒店的酒吧，他們給了我一箱 - 對 - The hotel bar. They gave me a sealed case. - Right.
- 那是誰給你的? - 酒吧服務員 - But, who gave it to you? - The bartender.
然後你拿出來，我打開的 And then you brought em out and I opened them.
而且道格喝了也沒事 所以不是酒的問題 Yeah and Doug had one and he was fine so it's not the beer.
- 那到底是怎麼回事? - 不知道啊！ - So what the hell happened? - I have no idea!
嘿，兄弟們，快看 他下面有反應了 Hey guys. Check it out. He's got a Chinese boner.
艾倫，別鬧了！停下來！ Alan, come on! Cut it out!
- 瘋子！ - 別停下來，小猴，繼續 - That is so wrong! - Don't stop monkey, keep doing it.
當猴子玩大雕時，比甚麼都好笑 When a monkey nibbles on a penis it's funny in any language!
繼續！ Keep doing it!
好了，謝謝！ Alright, thank you!
再見香農！ 再見小韋恩！ Bye Shannon! Bye Little Wayne!
哇，真美！ Wow! So beautiful!
這是哪兒， PF Chang's?（美國連鎖中餐館） What is this, a PF Chang's?
哦，他們在沉思 Ah, they're meditating.
- 真是寧靜的人們！ - 可不 - Such a peaceful people! - Yeah.
- 敲門了！你們好！ - 艾倫！講點禮貌！ - Knock, knock! Hello! - Alan! Show some respect!
- 不必起來，兄弟們 - 我們把你們同伴帶回來了 - Don't get up guys. - We brought one of your guys back.
他很不錯，很酷 He's really funny. He's really nice and cool.
嗨，你好，你是管事的？ Hi, how you doing. You the one in charge?
- 抱歉…哇…等等！ - 別打了！冷靜點！ - Excuse me... ow... Wait! - Stop it! Calm down!
對了，我們是因為說話才挨打的 Hold on. It's because we're talking.
混蛋！啊！住手！ God damn it! Oh! Stop!
是我！ Wait it's me!
我知道了 Oh I get it.
不說話！不說話！好吧… No talk! No talk! Shh.. Ok...
好吧 Ok.
昨天晚上，你們爬牆進到我們寺裏 Late last night, you climbed the walls of our monastery.
大聲嚷嚷著什麼愛情，婚姻 生命的意義 Shouting out questions about love, marriage and the meaning of life.
可憐的韓長老正一個人在花園裏沉思 Poor brother Han was meditating alone in the garden.
- 你們劫持了他 - 喔，老天！ - And you took him. - Oh my god!
- 我們綁架了一個僧人 - 我們昨晚在另一個世界裏 - We kidnapped a monk. - We live an alternative life style.
我們很抱歉，我們昨天喝傻了 We are so sorry about that, but we weren't ourselves last night.
是啊，昨天發生的事情確實失控了 現在我們的朋友受傷了而且不見了 Yep, things kinda spun outta control a little bit. But there's a boy who's missing and hurt.
你能幫忙問問我朋友在哪兒嗎？ Can you find out if he knows where our friend is?
韓長老很多年前就發誓禁言了 Brother Han took a vow of silence many years ago.
我也沒有辦法 It would be useless to try.
那是不是能讓他拿筆寫下來？ Well maybe he can write down what happened, on a piece of paper?
不，菲爾，這樣做會被認為是作弊 對不對，住持大人 Actually Phil, that would be cheating. Isn't that right, Grand Wizard.
- 艾倫！ - 這位胖施主說的對 - Alan! - I'm afraid fatty is right.
聽到了吧?…你叫我啥? See?... What?
我們沒有人知道韓長老在想什麼 None of us will ever know what brother Han knows.
哦，好吧，說的這麼虔誠 不過就是群禿驢，走，我們走 Oh, alright. Well, so much for holy people. Bunch of bald assholes. C'mon, let's go.
嘿，知道嗎？！順便說一下！ 在你們放孫悟空出來打人之前… Hey you know what! FYI! You may want to put some signs up that say no talking...
- …不如貼個禁止說話的招牌 - 是，我們被打慘了 - ...before you unleash your dragon. - Yeah, that was a little rough.
不用「謝謝」我們把他送回來了 And "your welcome" for bringing him back safe.
- 我們可是把他從局子裏搞出來的 - 我們先前是挾持了他嘛 - You know we found him in the drunk tank. - Yeah well we did take him in the first place.
- 兄弟們，我們走 - 等等！ - C'mon guys, let's go. - Wait!
佛語有云：汝所經之諸事，必深藏於記憶 The Buddha teach, every memory lives somewhere deep within.
也許你們幾個可以試試靜思 Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation.
- 你聽懂他說什麼了嗎? - 嗯，大概三分之二 - Did you understand a word he just said? - Yeah, yeah. About two thirds.
他說沉思什麼的？ He said something about the Garden of Meditation?
不，他就是沉思太多，所以在這兒放屁 No, he said he's farting because of his medication.
看什麼看 I get that.
這是浪費時間，我什麼都不記得，你呢？ It's a waste of time. I don't remember anything. Do you?
不，我也沒有，艾倫？ No. I got nothing. Alan?
艾倫！ Alan!
「汝所經之諸事，必深藏於記憶」 "Every memory lives somewhere deep within"
- 寶貝 - 什麼事? - Sweetie. - What?
斯圖他們來了！ You have visitors.
- 嘿，艾倫！ - 嘿，夥計們！ - Hey, Alan! - Hey, guys!
- 嘿，菲爾 - 嘿，夥計！ - Hey, Phil. - Hey buddy!
斯圖想邀請你參加他的婚禮 Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.
- 你真願意讓我去，斯圖？ - 是，幹嘛不呢？應該挺有趣的 - Is this true, Stuart? - Yeah, why not. It'll be fun.
你瘋了嗎！ Fuck!
- 敬勞拉和斯圖！ - 乾杯！ - For Lauren and Stu! - Cheers!
- 周！ - 賤人們，我們昨天可瘋狂了！ - Chow! - We had a sick night bitches!
靠，艾倫你幹啥！ Alan, what the fuck!
那個人要來參加婚禮？ Is that person coming to the wedding?
- 什麼狼群 - 艾倫，艾倫，別鬧了！ - There is no wolfpack. - Alan, Alan, don't do that!
最後… And finally...
三個最要好的朋友 The three best friends anyone could have.
警察去死！ Fuck the Police!
我知道我們該去哪兒啦 I know where to go.
- 是這地方嗎，艾倫? - 就是這兒 - What do you think, Alan? - This is the place.
走，我們進去 C'mon. Let's go.
我怎麼不記得來過這裏！ I don't remember any of this!
- 我也不記得，艾倫，你確定是這地方嗎 ？ - 沒錯，就是這兒 - Yeah Alan, you sure this is the place? - Yeah, pretty sure.
羅絲！海茉莉！ Rose! Harmony!
他到底來不來？我已經等了他一天了 Is he coming or what? I've been waiting all day for him.
- 對不起，等誰？ - 周，那個賤人！ - I'm sorry. Waiting for who? - Chow, that dick ass fuck!
- 什麼?出什麼事了？ - 沒事，沒事 - Why? What's wrong? - Nothings wrong.
好，來，你們看 我給他帶了什麼，哈 Ok, good. Look at this. Look what I bring for him. Check it out, huh.
- 不，不！ - 6000美元 - No, no! - $ 6,000 American.
哇，看起來好像真傢伙！ Wow looks so real!
對不起！ Sorry!
- 艾倫，你他媽搞什麼！ - 沒事兒，這槍比較靈敏 - Alan, what the fuck! - It's ok. The gun, it's very sensitive.
沒人受傷吧? Everybody ok?
沒事就趕快開始幹活！ 來，音樂！ Ok, then get the fuck back to work! Come on. Music, please!
我的6000塊錢呢？ Where is my 6,000 dollars?
6,000塊? 不，不，不 這是周要的，跟我們沒關係 6,000? No, no, no. This is Chow's deal. We got nothing to do with that.
真他媽不敢相信 Un-fucking believable.
那個賤人，要是讓我再看見他 讓他好好嘗嘗這槍的味道 This guy, if he backs out again, the shits gonna catch up with him.
他在這裏結了不少梁子 你們也別想劃清關係 He's made a lot of enemies in this town, and now they're gonna be your enemies.
這不公平！ That's not fair!
聽著，我們在找個孩子 Ok listen. We're just looking for a little kid.
- 2000美元 - 什麼！ - 2,000 dollars. - What!
我不知道，這可能還不夠 你想要多大的孩子？ I don't know, maybe more. How young you want this kid to be?
不，不！你沒聽明白我們在找我們的朋友…16歲 No, no! Sorry, you misunderstood. We're looking for our friend... 16 years old.
- 泰迪 - 泰迪? - Teddy. - Teddy?
- 他昨晚不是還和你們在一起 - 是嗎? - Yeah he was here with you guys last night. - He was?
那你知道他有沒有和我們一起走？ Do you know if he left with us?
我不知道，你們昨天整晚都在那個角落和卡米在一起 I don't know. You were in the corner all night with Kimmy.
- 我沒看見你們離開 - 卡米? - I didn't see you leave. - Kimmy?
- 她在嗎? - 她剛來上班，在後台呢 - Is she here? - Yes, she's in the back. She just came for her shit.
你們去找她吧 Go and talk to her.
聽著，我們為所發生的一切表示抱歉 Alright, listen. I'm sorry about everything that happened.
你聽好了，記住我跟你說的話 Listen to me, ok? Pay attention to what I'm going to talk to you know.
當你看見周，告訴他薩米爾跟他說「你好」 When you see Chow, you tell him Samir says "Hello".
好！ Okay!
記住，說的要像這樣！ 「你好」像是諷刺，恐嚇 But do it like that, ok! "Hello" like threatening. Like, ironic.
- 「你好」 - 好！ - "Hellooo" - Okay!
滾開！快滾開！ Go away! Go away!
我當然記得泰迪，他請所有人喝酒 Of course I remember him. He was buying shots for everyone.
好孩子！他父母一定特驕傲 Nice kid! His parents must be so proud.
可不是 You have no idea.
好，你記得我們離開時他有沒有一起？ Ok, so do you remember if he left with us?
是啊，你們一起離開的 怎麼你怎麼好像連我都不記得了 Yeah, you were all leaving together, but you almost forgot this one right here.
是不是，超級明星？ Right, super star?
你昨晚一直跟著我，像個哈巴狗 This one was following me around like a little puppy dog. All night.
說你愛上我了，要我跟你結婚 Saying he'd fallen in love with me. Asked me to marry him.
經典款的斯圖！ Classic Stu!
- 我們沒結婚吧? - 當然沒有！ - We didn't get married, did we? - Course not!
我們只是在酒窖裏尋了些樂子 We just had some fun in the Chardonnay room.
- 尋什麼樂子? - 我們還是先打聽泰迪的事吧 - What happens in the Chardonnay room? - Let's just stay on task.
我為他跳舞，他挑逗我，我們做愛了 I danced for him. He tickled me. We had sex.
- 靠！ - 沒關係，你還沒結婚呢 - Fuck! - It's ok. You're not married yet.
- 不是大事 - 這是背叛！ - No big deal. - It's cheating!
沒有冒犯你的意思，你是一個可愛的女士 No offense to you. You're a lovely woman.
這是對我道德準則的踐踏 It's a violation of my moral code.
別難過，斯圖，你挺享受的 你哭著，說你有多喜歡 Don't be sad. Stu you loved it. You were crying, saying how special it was.
- 等等，你說，他哭了? - 真是個小寶寶，還哭呢 - Wait! I'm sorry. He was crying? - What a baby. He was crying.
你們應該看看他當時的樣子 屁股扭扭的，性感極了 You should have seen him. He was so sexy. The way he moved around.
我不得不讓他悠著點，讓我別那麼快洩了 I had to ask him to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick.
- 洩了？什麼洩了? - 哦，你知道的，我的精液 - Load? What load? - Oh, you know... My sperms.
你英文也太差了，我想你是指我的精液吧！ I think your English is off. You're talking about my sperm!
- 你從哪來的精液? - 從我的那地方啊！ - Where would your sperm come from? - From my balls!
- 等等！你說什麼！ - 等等…難道你是… - Hold on! Back up! - Wait... Are you...
嘿，親愛的，這可是曼谷 Hey. You're in Bangkok, sweetie.
- 曼谷可不是個名字 - 噢！ - There's a reason they don't call it "Bang-cunt". - Oh!
- 老天啊！ - 哇 - Oh god! - Wow.
我不明白，這是魔術表演嗎？ I don't get it. Is this a magic show?
別糾結了，斯圖，我們都很開心 同時到了高潮 Come on, Stu, it was beautiful. We climaxed at the same time.
那怎麼可能? How's that work?
我射到你身體裏，你射到了地上 Shoot my load into you. Shoot your load on the floor.
- 是啊！ - 你毀了我，毀了我的菊花 - Ok! - You ruined me. Ruined bottom.
老天啊！ Oh god!
- 斯圖！這也不是世界末日 - 對不起，到底怎麼回事 - Stu! It's not the end of the world. - Sorry, but I'm so confused.
我跟一個有胸部的男人…做愛了 I made love to a man... with boobies.
聽著，我發誓，沒人會發現這事的 Listen. I promise you no ones ever gonna find out about this.
但是我們幾個不都發現了 But we found out about it.
那就都忘了，就這麼辦！ And then we forget. That's what we do!
我幹過那麼多蠢事，我還不是都忘了 I do so much fucked up shit. And I just forget about it.
- 是嗎? - 是啊！忘了，就什麼事都沒有了 - Yeah? - Yeah! Just forget! It goes away!
可能有點難，但是總會過去的 That might be harder to go away, but in time it'll happen.
行，那我就忘了它 I certainly do. Just gonna forget about it.
- 從沒發生過 - 好極了！ - Never happened. - Great!
電話！電話！誰的電話？接啊！ Phone! Phone! Who is it? Answer!
勞拉的爸爸，他又來逼我了… Lauren's dad. He just reminded me...
- 接啊！ - 我做不到 - Answer it! - I can't.
等等！他可能知道泰迪的下落 我們可以試試 What! He might know something about Teddy. C'mon we still have a shot here.
整理頭緒，面對現實，斯圖！ Get your head back into the fucking game, Stu!
你好? Hello?
誰會在婚禮前花整天去釣魚呢？ Who takes an all day fishing trip the day before a wedding?
- 嗯，確實有點傻 - 讓泰迪接電話 - Yeah, I guess that is kinda stupid. - Put Teddy on the phone.
- 泰迪暈船了 - 暈船? - Teddy's seasick actually. - Seasick?
- 泰迪從9歲起就是候補海軍了 - 那還真奇怪了，他吐的到處都是 - Teddy's been a Maritime cadet since he was nine. - That's weird, cause he's puking everywhere.
我要告訴你些你不知道的事情 I'm gonna tell you something that you do not know.
- 我不喜歡你 - 哦，這我早知道了 - I don't like you. - Yeah,I knew that already.
我女兒選擇你，那是她的事 If my daughter chooses you, that's her problem.
您是？？ 嘿，我是菲爾·維尼克 This is ??. Hey it's Phil Winnick!
對不起，我們一直在跟馬林魚周旋，我想說… Listen, I apologize. We've been reelin in some crazy Marlin and I just wanna say...
菲爾！ Phil!
- 老天！ - 菲爾！ - Jesus! - Phil!
靠！ Fuck me!
- 把猴子還給我們！ - 什麼猴子？找你們自己的猴子去！ - Give us back our monkey! - What monkey? Get your own monkey!
別裝了，賤人，就是你抱的那隻！ Come on, you asshole, the fucking monkey!
還給我！ Come on!
艾倫，你幹嘛！他可拿槍對著我們呢！ Anytime, Alan. He's pointing a gun at us!
這是我們的猴子！ This is our monkey!
沒有人會為了一隻猴子去死！ No one's getting shot over a fucking monkey!
快還給他，現在！ Hand him over, now!
老天，我才不想還呢 God, I've never given him no monkeys.
來，來… No, no ...
菲爾，你看，猴子的頭盔上有個香蕉 我想他們確實是主人 Hey Phil, check it out. He's got a banana on his helmet. He's the real deal.
你們知道發生什麼事情了嗎? What the fuck's happening?
等等！這是怎麼回事？ 你們知道我朋友在哪兒嗎？ Hold on! How did this happen? Do you know where our friend is?
- 16歲的，亞洲男孩 - (俄語) - Yeah. Sixteen years old. Asian kid. - (says something in Russian?)
不，我不明白你說什麼，我不明白！ No, I don't understand what you said! No, I didn't understand!
他說什麼? What'd he say?
他說操你和你的問題！ He said fuck you and your questions!
- 哦，我的胳膊！ - 菲爾，你沒事吧? - Oh, my arm! - Philip, are you okay?
我中槍了！靠！靠！ Oh I got shot! Fuck! Fuck this!
沒事，菲爾！沒事的！ It's alright, Phil! It's alright!
我們會搞明白怎麼回事而且把猴子追回來 We'll figure this out and get the monkey back, I promise.
誰他媽的關心那隻猴子！ Who gives a fuck about the monkey!
- 到底他媽的發生什麼事情了? - 斯圖，我會不會死？你是個醫生 - What the fuck is going on? - Stu, am I gonna be ok? You're a doctor.
我不知道，讓我看看！ I don't know, let me look!
怎麼了? What?
別看！ Don't look at it!
斯圖爾特·普萊斯！ 你給我滾回來 Stuart Price! Get your ass back over here!
- 你中槍了！ - 我知道！ - You got shot! - I know!
- 哇，你出來了? - 是，我沒事 - Whoa, you all right? - Yeah, I'm ok.
子彈只是擦過我的胳膊，縫了8針 Actually, bullet just grazed my arm. Eight stitches.
只花了6塊錢，不可思議吧？ Only cost six dollars. How is that even possible?
發生的所有一切都不可思議呢 How's any of this even possible?
要是當時往左站一英尺，我就死了 If I was a foot to my left, Stu, I'd be dead.
我們到底怎麼辦？ What are we gonna do?
對不起，兄弟們，這不是計劃範圍內的 I'm sorry guys. This wasn't part of the plan.
- 什麼計劃，艾倫? - 我已經說太多了 - What plan, Alan? - I've said too much already.
艾倫！什麼計劃? Alan! What plan?
- 都是泰迪的錯 - 你到底說什麼，艾倫? - It's all Teddy's fault. - What are you talking about, Alan?
他為什麼非和我們在一起！ 他不是我們狼群的成員！ Why is he even here? He's not part of the wolf pack!
- 艾倫，你到底幹了什麼? - 不是我的錯！ - Alan, what did you do? - It's not my fault!
泰迪不該把他那包拿出來和大家分享 Teddy shouldn't have been sharing from his bag.
- 那一包什麼? - 棉花糖 - What bag? - The marshmallows.
我給泰迪特地準備了一包 I had a separate bag just for Teddy.
但是晚上太黑，本來就分不太清楚了 But it was dark and it was hard to keep track.
然後，你又差點兒坐上去 我就完全分不清楚了 And then, you almost sat on em. I couldn't tell which was which.
- 這是犯罪！ - 你對那些棉花糖做了什麼，艾倫？ - It was mayhem! - What did you do to the marshmallows, Alan?
艾倫，說話？ Alan, what did you do?
不是很明顯的嗎? Isn't it obvious?
我往裏面加了肌肉鬆弛劑和我的多動癥藥 I spiked them with muscle relaxers. And plus my ADHD medication.
- 什麼? - 你又給我們下藥?！ - What? - You drugged us again?!
不是你們！我只是想把泰迪弄暈 讓我們四個好好玩兒 Not you! I just wanted to knock out Teddy for a little while so we could finally enjoy the weekend.
好好玩？艾倫，你告訴我你什麼都沒做的！ Enjoy the weekend? Alan, you told me that you didn't do anything!
艾倫，你可是發了誓的！ Alan, you swore to god!
我只是想我們幾個在一起就像以前一樣 I just wanted things to stay the same.
你看看我的臉！你毀了我一生！ Like at my face! You ruined my life!
你不是我朋友！ You're not my friend!
別這麼說，菲爾！你是認真的？回美國也不是？ Don't say that, Phil! You're serious? Even in America?
- 是的！ - 老天啊！別這麼說，菲爾！ - Yes! - Oh God! Don't say that, Phil!
- 別哭，艾倫！ - 你是魔鬼！ - Don't start crying, Alan! - You're the bearded devil!
你很喜歡的！我把棉花糖給你時 你還衝著我笑 You liked it! You smiled at me when I handed you the bag with marshmallows.
那是因為我喜歡棉花糖，你這個瘋子！ Because I like marshmallows, you fucking psycho!
嘿！哇哦！別打了！ Hey! Whoa! Hold on!
夠了！ Enough!
- 為什麼，艾倫？為什麼？ - 斯圖！ - Why, Alan? Why? - Stu!
因為我們三個是最好的朋友，記得嗎？ Because we're the three best friends, remember?
記得嗎？ Remember?
斯圖，算了… Stu, that's enough...
兄弟們，現在不是內訌的時候我們要團結 Guys, we can't fall apart now. We gotta stick together.
- 艾倫，你肚子上寫了什麼? - 什麼？嗯？ - Alan, what's that written on your belly? - What? Huh?
樂華酒店，週六下午6點 Lebua Hotel, Saturday six pm.
- 你自己寫的? - 不是！ - You write that? - No!
靠，就差20分鐘6點了 Shit, that's in 20 minutes.
英國怎麼樣，菲爾？在那兒我們是朋友嗎？ What about England, Phil? Will we still be friends there?
艾倫，我告訴你了，我是一時氣急了 我們還是朋友，到哪兒都是 Alan, I already told you. It was in the heat of the moment. We're still friends. All over the world.
- 即使在大英帝國? - 是的 - Even Great Britain? - Yeah.
你呢，斯圖? What about you, Stu?
再說吧 We'll see.
先生們，跟我走 Gentlemen, follow me.
他們來了 Here you go.
哇，來的正是時候！坐吧 Well. About time! Sit down.
來，坐吧 Come on, sit.
哇，你們看起來跟狗屎一樣 Wow, you guys look like shit.
- 嗯，我們認識你嗎? - 嘿！ - Uh, do we know you? - Hey!
摘掉你的帽子，看在上帝的份上 你是在酒店裏呢，快 Take off your fuckin hat. You're in a restaurant for christs sake. C'mon.
好，聽著，我們對為什麼來這裏一無所知 Ok, listen. We have no clue what's going on here.
知道嗎，他們這裏賣的威士忌是假的 You know, they sell a Plum whiskey here, it's fuckin unreal.
真的，喝起來像狗屎一樣 不過你們已經像狗屎一樣了 Seriously, it will absolutely fuck you up! Oh, I'm sorry. You guys already got fucked up, didn't you.
- 嗯，聽著，我有點迷惑，你怎麼… - 你知道嗎？我也有點迷惑！ - Uh, listen, I'm a little confused. How did you... - You know what? I am a little fuckin confused!
周在哪裏？賬號和密碼在哪兒？ Where's Chow? With the fuckin account code and the fuckin password!
我們不知道什麼密碼 我們只是來找個朋友 We don't know anything about any codes. We're just trying to find our friend.
- 泰迪? - 是的！泰迪！你看見他了嗎？ - Teddy? - Yes! Teddy! Have you seen?
嗯，讓我看看… Hmm, let's see...
這是泰迪！ There's Teddy!
狗屎的！是昨天晚上照的 Holy shit! It's from last night.
- 你是誰? - 我是個商人 - Who are you? - I'm a businessman.
我給你的朋友周投資了一大筆錢 And I've invested a large chunk of capital in your friend Chow.
作為回報，他應該在5分鐘前 And in return, he was supposed to transfer my profits electronically.
把我的錢打給我 About five fuckin minutes ago.
所以昨晚，我們綁了泰迪作為保證 So last night, we took Teddy as insurance.
- 噢，上帝，他沒事吧? - 噢，上帝，我還沒說完話呢 - Oh my god! Is he okay? - Oh my god, I wasn't done talking.
你告訴周，明早8點，在這個酒店的天台… You tell Chow, that we are having breakfast on the roof of this hotel...
…和我一起吃早飯 ...tomorrow morning at eight am.
如果他完成交易，你們就得到泰迪 Or if he makes the transfer, you will get Teddy.
如果沒有，你知道… 這可是曼谷 If not well then hey, you know... it's Bangkok.
趕快滾吧 That's your cue to get the fuck out of here.
嘿，知道嗎？把你的帽子留下 Hey, you know what? Leave the hat.
艾倫，放下帽子 Alan leave the hat.
好孩子 Atta boy.
我們死定了！周死了，我們怎麼辦？ We're fucked! Chow's dead. What do we do now?
這人才不管周是死是活，斯圖 他只想知道賬號和密碼 The guy doesn't give a shit about Chow, Stu. This whole things about a fucking bank account.
我們先回酒店在周的屍體上找找 Let's just go back to the hotel. We'll search Chow's body.
希望密碼在他的錢包裏或其它地方 Hopefully the password's in his wallet or something.
- 如果找不到呢? - 他會殺了泰迪 - And what if it isn't? - He's gonna kill Teddy.
放鬆點，到明早8點還有很長時間 我們能想到辦法的 Just relax. We have until 8am tomorrow to figure it out.
先搶我猴子，又搶我帽子 今天可真糟糕 First the monkey and now my hat. How much worse can this day get.
上帝啊！ Jesus christ!
我們住在艾倫的小鎮裏 他讓我們的生活跌到了谷底 Well we're livin here in Alan town. And he's drivin our lives into the ground.
我們醒來的時，既沒用，也喝醉了 When we woke up we were wasted and drunk.
菲爾中了槍，我們被和尚打 Phil got shot. We got beaten by a monk.
我以前的生活很好，很開心 I was happy, and my life was good.
像一名普通牙醫那樣準備結婚 Getting married like a dentist should.
用竹籤烤棉花糖吃 Roasting marshmallows on a stick.
被一個有雞雞的女孩爆菊… I got fucked in the ass... by a girl with a dick.
歐耶，我記得這個 Oh yeah, I will remember that.
我們住在艾倫的小鎮裏 And we're livin in Alan town.
到處都是水 There's water everywhere.
沒電，冰都化了嘛 Yeah it's cause it melted, Stu. The fuckin powers out.
因為供電不足 With an inadequate electrical grid, serving millions of people
曼谷每年停電1500小時 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
真格的，艾倫，閉嘴！ Seriously, Alan. That's enough!
閃開！ Out of the way!
我們來打開 We got it.
哦，上帝！ Oh my god!
周，冷靜點！ Chow, calm down!
- 你們想凍死我? - 不，不！ - You put the chill on me? - No, no!
沒事了 It's okay.
放輕鬆！ Relax!
是我們，別激動，深呼吸！ It's just us. Breathe!
我好冷啊 It was so cold.
- 我們想法讓你暖和起來 - 我好冷啊！ - We're gonna warm you up. - I was so cold!
- 你挺過來了，哥們，你挺過來了 - 我挺過來了 - You did good, buddy. You did good. - I did good.
感覺好點了嗎? Feelin better?
- 怎樣，你暖和些了嗎？ - 我不知道 - Alright, you warm enough? - I don't know.
你來摸摸我的五臟六腑然後告訴我 Come feel my bowels and tell me.
我被關在製冰機裏一整天！ I've been locked in a fuckin ice box all day!
嘿，艾倫，如果你想要我的太陽鏡… Hey Alan, if you want my sunglasses...
…跟我說就行，沒必要殺了我 ...just ask Chow. You don't have to kill me.
周，沒人想殺你，你當時已經死了 沒有脈搏 Chow, nobody killed you. You were already dead. You didn't have a pulse.
哦，你以前沒學心肺復甦嗎？ Oh, you never do blow before?
有時候你的心臟停跳了…然後又開始跳了 Sometimes your heart stop... start up again.
- 好好學習吧！ - 聽著，真對不起，我們這一天也過得很糟糕 - Read a book! - Look I'm sorry. We're having a bad day.
哦，你過得糟糕！你死了嗎？ Oh, you're having a bad day! Did you die?
- 我中槍了！ - 那你死了嗎? - I got shot! - But did you die?
周，有人告訴我們你有銀行密碼什麼的… Chow, some guy told us that you got a bank code or something...
…如果我們明早不給他 ...and if we don't bring it to him first think in the morning...
…他就殺了泰迪 ...he's gonna kill Teddy.
誰，金斯利？他無害的，別擔心我有他要的東西 Who, Kingsley? He harmless. Don't worry. I got the bank codes.
好！那我們就明早8點給他 -他到底他媽的是誰啊？ Great! Alright, we gotta meet him at 8am. -Who is that fuckin guy, anyway?
- 我的一個投資商了 - 嗯，投資什麼生意？ - An investor in my business. - Yeah, what business is that?
這個生意就是「關你屁事」，知道了吧！ It's called "not your business" ok!
- 哦，猴子在哪裏? - 猴子… - Oh, where's the monkey? - The monkey...
我把銀行賬號和密碼都放在它背心裏了 它在哪？ Yeah I put the account number and password in his vest. Where is he?
- 你為什麼放那兒? - 小白臉，為了安全啊 - Why would you do that? - Safe keeping, pretty boy.
你知道多少人盯著我嗎，美國聯邦調查局，曼谷警察局，國際刑警組織，哥倫比亞… I got a lotta heat on my ass. I got FBI, Bangkok PD, Interpol, MSNBC...
那隻小猴子昨晚和我一起吸毒… That little monkey snorting coke with me all night...
當我看斯圖和那個人妖親熱時幫我脫衣服 Jerkin me off while I watched Stu make fuckin lady boy.
- 它能去哪兒 - 周，猴子不在我們這裏 - He not going anywhere. - We don't have the monkey, Chow.
嗯，俄羅斯歹徒搶走了它 Oh, some Russian thugs took him from us.
你們這些白癡！ Oh you fucking guys!
好了，沒問題，我們只要把它搶回來就行了 Okay. No problem. We just have to get him back.
- 去哪兒搶? - 從我們剛開始搶它的地方搶 - From where? - From the same place we took him from.
它不是只普通的猴子 This monkey isn't just normal monkey.
夜裏，他就是猴子跑腿 Every night, monkey drug mule.
他送毒品給買家… He take coke to buyer...
然後拿錢給毒販子，它就是個中間人 And deliver cash to dealer. He is middle man.
毒販子不用直接交易 Dealer never handle drug directly.
就沒什麼把柄 He clean.
- 糟糕透了 - 什麼糟糕，你懂什麼，這主意太天才了 - That's terrible. - Not terrible. What he talking about. Fucking genius.
你見過猴子坐牢的嗎？ You ever see monkey go to jail?
我們招呼猴子過來做生意，等它過來了 搶了它的背心，就這樣 We just take the monkey for deal, he come close, we take his vest. That's that.
- 順便也買點毒品, 你知道的…爽一爽 - 不，別再爽了，周 - We get some blow too, you know... bump. - No, no more bumps, Chow.
太荒唐了 This is ridiculous.
斯圖，周先生不會吹口哨，你來 Stu, Mr. Chow can't whistle. Shake your monkey.
好，他聽見了 Alright, here we go.
來了！ Come on!
我們昨晚為什麼把猴子偷走？ How did we wind up with the monkey last night anyway?
我需要買些毒品，艾倫又覺得它很可愛… I needed some blow and Alan thought he was cute...
…所以了！ ...so we stole him!
真笨！ So stupid!
斯圖，準備搶它的背心了? Stu, ready to grab vest?
- 好的，我就直接抓住它就行? - 是，快，快 - Okay. I just grab it? - Yeah, just do it. Just do it.
- 嘿，小猴子 - 艾倫，安靜點 - Hey, little monkey. - Alan, be quiet.
- 靠！ - 我們得快跑，現在！ - Fuck! - We gotta go, right now!
- 把猴子拉進車裏！ - 我在用力！ - Pull that fuckin monkey in! - I'm trying!
媽的！ Shit!
- 斯圖，快把猴子弄到車裏！ - 它不放手啊！ - Get that monkey in here, Stu! - He won't let go!
斯圖，快進到車裏！快！ Stu, get back in the car! Right now!
慢一點！我在盡力！ I'm trying! Slow down!
它太有勁兒了！ He's so strong!
放手，你這該死的猴子！ Let go you fuckin monkey!
- 小心！ - 哦，靠！恰好擠過去！ - Look out! - Oh shit! Tight squeeze!
我抓住它了！ I got him!
- 密碼在哪兒，周？ - 找找它的小背心 - Where's the code, Chow? - Check his little vest.
- 找到沒，艾倫? - 嗯，我找到個… - Got it, Alan? - Yes, I got a .
- 開慢點，周！ - 坐穩了，夥計們 - Slow down Chow! - Hold on, J-Birds.
他媽的！ Holy Shit!
別擔心，哥擅長這個！ Don't worry. I got this shit!
豬啊！ Pig!
哦，上帝 Oh, my word.
對不起，斯圖！我的錯！ Sorry, Stu! My bad!
噢，該死的！ Oh, shit!
臥倒！ Get down!
靠！ What the fuck!
哦，不，他打中了猴子 Oh no! He shot the monkey!
他們打中了猴子 They shot the monkey.
我束手無策了 I'm at my wits end.
他從後面追上來了 He's coming back around.
小心！ Look out!
- 靠！ - 哦，不… - Holy fuck! - Oh no...
- 大家都沒事吧? - 沒事 - Everyone alright? - Yeah.
我現在「雞動」了！ I have such an erection right now!
你說真的? Are you for real?
他們會好好照顧你的，好吧 They're gonna take good care of you here, ok ?
什麼意思? What's that?
哦，香煙，我這兒有，給你 Oh, yeah. Cigarettes. Got em right here. Here you go.
給你點上 Right here.
深吸一口，好的 Deep breathe. Good.
吸進去 Soak it in.
把煙吸到你的小肺裏，就這樣 Breathe the smoke into your tiny little lungs. There you go.
有趣的是，我一直對抽煙沒好感，但是… It's funny. I've never been much of a smoker, but...
你抽煙的樣子可真酷啊 Boy does it look cool on you.
艾倫，快！我們要走了！ Alan, c'mon! Let's go!
我會想你的，小猴 I'll miss you, monkey.
你要是會用Skype就好了（Skype：聊天軟體） I wish monkeys could Skype.
也許有一天… Maybe one day...
快！上車！ Come on! Get in!
你們就這麼鎮靜？ Are you guys seriously this calm?
放輕鬆，斯圖，只是個普通交易罷了 Relax, Stuart. It's classic switcheroo.
我給錢，他交人 I give him money, he gives us Teddy.
你就從沒遇到過事情不這麼順利的，周？ You ever do anything that doesn't end up in a standoff, Chow?
我是個國際罪犯，事情都是這麼發展的 I'm an international criminal. It always ends like this.
我就是在這過程中遇到我老婆的 I met my wife at one of these things.
- 你有老婆? - 是啊，我們結婚15年了 - You got a wife? - Yeah, we married 15 years.
怎麼了，我長得不夠帥？連老婆都討不上？ What, I not good looking enough for woman?
不，你挺好的 No, that's cool.
上陣了！ Let's do this!
- 歡迎光臨塔俱樂部 - 唧唧歪歪的，誰在乎 - Welcome to the Tower Club. - Blah blah blah, who cares.
停下來！讓我先過 Stop! Chow crossing.
- 嘿，金斯利！ - 哦，哦 - Hey, Kingsley! - Well, well.
你的光頭還那麼亮啊！ Propecia looking nice!
你最近一直在健身嗎? You been hitting the gym?
是啊，你連這都注意到了，周 Yes I am actually. Thank you for noticing, Chow.
嘿，夥計們，來坐吧 Hey, guys. Have a seat.
- 泰迪在哪裏? - 他在樓下我車裏等著 - Where's Teddy? - He's waiting downstairs in my car.
交易完我就讓人帶他上來 Send him up when the transfer is complete.
跟你說吧，你再給我5萬，泰迪我就不要了 Tell you what. Give me extra 50 grand, you keep Teddy.
我還把那個胖子免費送給你 And I throw in this other fat fuck for free.
- 周…周… - 我們能快點嘛！ - Chow.. Chow... - Could we move this along!
艾倫，賬號，給我 Alan, account number. Come on, come on.
8-1-4, K as in knife, 2-3-9-8. 8-1-4, K, 2-3-9-8.
- 密碼? - 「胡扯1」 - Password? - "baloney1"
你的密碼是 「胡扯1」? Your password is "baloney1" ?
我以前只是用「胡扯」 但銀行非讓加個數字 Well it used to be just "baloney" but now they make you add number.
煩死人了 Fuckin annoying.
- 就這麼簡單 - 塔噠！ - And it's that easy. - Ta dah!
哦，看，你賺了 Oh look. You sunk my battleship.
- 好了吧，能把泰迪帶來了嗎？ - 好，把他帶上來 - Great, now can we please have Teddy? - Yeah. Bring him up.
看見了吧，我們去參加你的婚禮 開心一下，我去玩女人 See. We go to your wedding. We have fun. I bust a nut.
我們把人找回來了，斯圖，終於結束了！ We did it, Stu. It's over!
曼谷警察！所有人都趴下！ This is Bangkok police! Everybody down!
哦，混蛋！ Oh, nuts!
金斯利，你他媽的是警察？ Kingsley, you're fucking Five-O?
抓住你了，萊斯利！ Gotcha, Leslie!
把他帶走 Get him outta here.
走，快走吧！ Go! Just do it! Go!
怎麼搞的… How the fuck...
薩米爾，你就因為6000塊錢出賣我？你這個阿拉伯土人！ Samir, you fucked me over six grand? You camel jockey!
你吐我? You spit on me?
這次6000，上次8000 這不是錢的問題，這是原則！ Six grand this time, eight grand last time. It's not the money, man, it's the principle!
原則？黑鬼，拜託了！別裝得像個正經人 Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
敢叫我黑鬼…少叫我黑鬼！ Call me nigga... don't call me "nigga"!
- 把他們抓起來，混球！ - 他就是個人渣 - Put em in, motherfucker! - He's an asshole, man.
你們沒事吧? You guys ok?
- 到底怎麼回事? - 國際刑警，彼得森警探 - What the fucks going on? - Detective Inspector Peters, Interpol.
- 你是個警察? - 是的 - You're a cop? - Yes.
這個行動計劃已經好幾周了 This sting operation has been in place for weeks.
薩米爾告訴我們，你們的朋友失蹤了… When Samir told us that your friend was lost...
我們就利用這個信息引周出來，對不起 We took advantage of that information. I'm sorry.
- 那現在能讓泰迪上來了嗎? - 不，艾倫，他不知道泰迪在哪裏！ - So can Teddy come out of the car now? - No, Alan, Teddy's not in the fuckin car!
他們沒有抓住泰迪，一直都沒有 They don't have him. They never had him.
他們只是利用我們找周 泰迪只是他們的餌 They just needed us to bring them Chow. They used Teddy as bait.
- 你們完全都沒有線索嗎? - 沒有，我們能找的地方都找過了 - Do you have any leads at all? - No. We've checked everywhere.
沒人看見他，對不起 No one has seen him. I'm sorry.
如果你們到現在還沒找到他 我怕是兇多吉少了 If you haven't found him by now, I'm afraid Bangkok has him.
為什麼他們老這麼說？ Why do people keep saying that?
斯圖…不能再拖下去了 Stu... It's time.
菲爾… Phill...
- 對不起 - 求你別說這個 -I'm sorry. - Don't say that. Please.
- 不，這次我們真的搞砸了 - 天哪！到底有多糟糕？ - No this time we really fucked up. - Oh god! How bad?
難道，要取消婚禮？ Like, no wedding bad?
差不多…可能更糟一些！ Yeah... a little worse than that!
你看，這麼說怎麼樣？ 他掉下漁船，溺水了 Ok, how about this? He fell off the fishing boat and drowned.
不行 No.
好，那說他被車給撞了 Ok, I got it. Teddy was hit by a truck.
- 艾倫！ - 幹嘛啊，菲爾，我正忙著呢 ！ - Alan! - Not a good time, Phil. Kinda busy!
這裏每年多少人被車撞死？ How many people get run over here?
- 一年1200以上，菲爾 - 好極了！ - Over 1200 a year, Phil. - Perfect!
他的屍體被撞得無法辨認，就這麼定了 His body was too mangled to recover. Case closed.
能給我加點冰嗎？ Can I get more ice, please?
我不打算對勞拉撒謊 I'm not gonna lie to Lauren.
- 斯圖，你想結婚還是不想？ - 看看我都幹了些什麼啊，菲爾 - Stu, do you want this or not? - Look at what I've done, Phil. What I do.
我有召妓的缺點 各種妓女，很顯然 I have a weakness for prostitutes. All kinds, apparently.
- 我內心有個魔鬼！ - 那又怎樣? - I have a demon in me! - So what?
泰迪死了，我仍然可以救勞拉 Teddy's gone, but I can still save Lauren.
只要她的生活裏沒有我 Just let her live her life without me.
斯圖！ Stu!
我要給道格打電話，告訴他我不回去了 I want you to call Doug and tell him I'm never coming back.
遠離這失敗的人生 Gettin off the hamster wheel.
我以後就呆在曼谷了 我想我是屬於這裏的 Gonna stay here in Bangkok. I think I belong here.
開一個小牙醫診所 Open up a little dentists office.
洗洗牙，安心過日子 Deep cleanings, with a happy ending.
你確定? You sure about this?
嘿，搞什麼鬼！ Hey, what the crud!
停電了，艾倫 Powers out, Alan.
- 菲爾！ - 道格 - Phil! - Doug.
- 我需要答案，哥們 - 我知道… - I need answers, man. - I know...
道格，你在和誰說話？ Doug, who are you talking to?
- 什麼? - 給我電話！ - What? - Give me the phone!
勞拉，不！這是私人電話… Lauren, no! That's a private...
是誰? Who is this?
- 勞拉? - 菲爾？告訴我怎麼回事，馬上！ - Lauren? - Phil? Tell me what's going on, right now!
我們把你弟弟丟了 We lost your little brother.
- 什麼? - 他在曼谷下落不明 - What? - Bangkok has him now.
得走樓梯 You gotta take the stairs.
你們在曼谷? You're in Bangkok?
呃，是個指頭！ Ooh, that's a finger!
讓斯圖接電話！ Put Stu on the phone!
曼谷每年停電1500小時 Bangkok experiences 1500 power outages per year.
斯圖現在不想和任何人說話 Stu really doesn't want to talk to anybody.
到處是水，停電了 - Water everywhere. Powers out.
拜託，斯圖，用用你的大腦 Come on, Stu, use that big Jewish brain
菲爾！給我電話！ Phil! Give me the phone!
- 勞拉的電話！沒事！我來搞定！ - 我知道是勞拉！ - It's Lauren! I got it! I'm handling it! - I know.!
- 給我電話… - 我能搞定，斯圖！ - Give me the fuckin... - I can handle it, Stu!
她會傷透你的心的！ She's gonna break your heart!
親愛的，寶貝，是我，對不起啊！ Honey, sweetheart, it's me! I'm so sorry!
斯圖？到底怎麼回事？泰迪丟了？ Stu? What the hell is going on? What does he mean you lost Teddy?
什麼？菲爾這麼告訴你的？ 不，不，我們跟泰迪約錯地方了 What? Is that what Phil said? No no no. We misplaced, Teddy.
但是沒事，我們正往酒店趕很快就能見到你了！ But we're all good now. We heading back to the hotel. We're gonna see you soon!
我愛你！我得掛了，馬上回去，再見 I love you so much! And I gotta go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.
斯圖！ Stu!
- 斯圖！ - 上帝！ - Stu! - God!
出租車！ Taxi!
跟上，艾倫！ Come on, Alan!
嘿，能給我們講講你想起什麼了嗎！ Hey, you mind filling us in!
好，記得我們醒來的時候，停電了 Ok, now when we woke up, the power was out.
你在哪裏發現了泰迪的指頭？ And you found Teddy's finger in what?
- 在一灘水裏 - 但那剛開始並不是水 - In a pool of water. - But it didn't start out as water.
對啊，是冰 No, it was ice.
沒錯！泰迪是從製冰機裏拿的冰… Exactly! Teddy got ice from the machine...
…然後回到房間，把指頭放到冰裏，然後睡著了 ...came back to the room. Put his finger on ice and fell asleep.
你試想一下，如果你醒來… Now what do you do if you wake up...
…發現你的指頭飄在一碗水裏你會怎麼做？ ...and you find your finger floating in a bowl of melted ice?
我會去取更多的冰，斯圖…去15樓取冰！ I'd get more ice, Stu... on the 15th fuckin floor!
是的！泰迪坐上電梯，忽然停電了… Yes! Teddy goes up, the power goes out...
- 狗屎的！原來是這樣！ - 他在製冰機裏 - Holy shit! Of course! - He's at the ice machine.
艾倫，不對！ Alan, no!
電梯在10樓！ It's on ten!
先生，電梯是不是卡住了? - Sir, is the elevator stuck? - ??.
- 快！ - 跑，跑！ - C'mon! - Go, go, go!
嘿，泰迪！ Hey, Teddy!
小心，小心！ Look out, look out!
- 泰迪！ - 你沒事吧！ - Teddy! - You're ok!
泰迪，你沒事吧？你沒事吧，哥們？ Teddy, you okay? You ok, man?
- 我在哪裏? - 你在電梯裏，曼谷的電梯裏 - Where am I? - You're in an elevator, in the middle of Bangkok.
我們馬上帶你走，一切都會好的 But we're gonna get you outta here. It's gonna be fine.
嘿，斯圖，紋身不錯 Hey Stu, nice tattoo.
謝謝，哥們 Thanks, man.
好了，把他弄出來！快！ Alright, let's do this! C'mon, c'mon!
告訴他我們找到泰迪了，是，我知道 -我們這就回去，好的，再見！ Tell him we found him. Yeah, I know. But we're on our way. Ok, bye!
好了，客人陸續都到了，人們開始問咋回事 -但我們還能趕到！ Alright, guests are arriving, people starting to ask questions, but we can still pull this off!
- 怎麼回去? - 我不知道，坐計程車? - How? - I don't know, with a taxi?
- 用周的快艇 - 什麼? - Chow's speed boat. - What?
我最後記得的是，我們從周的快艇上下來 Last think I remember, was getting off Chow's speed boat.
- 周有個快艇? - 叫「完美人生」 - Chow has a speed boat? - "The Perfect Life".
走！ C'mon!
斯圖，把繩子解開 Stu, get that back line.
跳得好，菲爾！ Good jump, Phil!
- 你沒問題吧? - 沒問題 - You alright? - Yeah.
你確定你會開快艇？ - You sure you know how to drive this thing?
拜託，我可是行家，我當然知道 Please, I was raised in a yacht club. I know what I'm doing.
你知道我們往哪兒開嗎？ You know where we're going?
交給船長我來解決吧！ Leave it to the Captain!
哦，別裝逼了，艾倫！ Oh fuck you, Alan!
你到底知不知道往哪兒開，船長？ Do you know where we're going, Captain?
非常確定，菜鳥！ 我們向南行駛 Affirmative cadet! We're going south.
- 我們在泰國灣 - 好的 - We're in the Gulf of Thailand. - Good.
嘿！你沒事吧？ Hey! You okay?
- 好一些了 - 那就好 - Feeling a little better. - Alright!
聽著，泰迪，真的對不起！ 我們也不想發生這些事情 Listen Teddy. I'm really sorry! We didn't mean for any of this to happen.
挺有趣的，雖然我什麼都不記得，但是…我起來的時候，我覺得挺高興的 It's funny. I can't remember anything but... when I woke up, I was kinda happy.
耶！ Yeah!
順便問一句…你知道我的指頭在哪兒嗎？ By the way... Do you have any idea where my finger is?
知道，我們把它給了一隻販毒的猴子 Yeah, we gave it to a drug dealing monkey.
曼谷… Bangkok...
是啊…他媽的曼谷！ Yeah, right... fuckin Bangkok!
對不起，婚禮取消了！ I apologize. There will be no wedding!
他在路上了，很快就到… He is on his way. He will be here...
請大家去酒吧休息吧 我們要清理這個會場了 Please, if you will all move to the bar. We are going to clear this area.
謝謝！ Please!
我跟你說了，我跟他通了電話，他馬上到 I'm telling you, I spoke to him. He's coming.
看！他們來了！ Look! There they are!
斯圖！ Stu!
- 艾倫，那裏沒碼頭 - 坐穩了！ - Alan, there's no dock. - Just hang on!
- 艾倫，這一點都不好玩！轉一下方向！ - 坐穩了！ - Alan, it's not funny! Turn the boat! - Hang on!
- 是艾倫在開船嗎? - 什麼? - Is that Alan driving the boat? - What?
呃，我們應該往後退幾步 Uh, we should probably move back a little bit.
噢，上帝！ Oh my god!
轉個彎！ Turn the boat!
大家都往後退 Everyone back up a little bit here.
先生，在事情變好之前，總有點糟糕 Sir, it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
嗨！大家好！ Hi! Hi everybody!
出場比我們預計的要火爆 不好意思弄壞了草坪 Came in a little hotter than we planned. I'm sorry we trenched the lawn here.
沒事，都能修護，別擔心 Totally fixable. A little bit of sod, it'll be fine.
- 寶貝！ - 哦，上帝！ - Baby! - Oh my god!
見到你我真高興！ I'm so happy to see you!
- 泰迪！來爸爸這裏 - 嗨，老爸！ - Teddy! Teddy here. - Hi, Dad!
- 你還好嗎? - 嗯，我沒事 - You alright? - Yeah, ok.
- 你的手！ - 我知道 - Your hand! - I know.
出了點小意外，我沒事 We had an accident. I'm ok.
都是你的錯！ This is your fault!
- 爸 - 他說得對，我不夠坦誠 - Dad. - He's right. I have not been completely honest.
- 斯圖？別說了 - 嗯? - Stu? Don't do this. -Yeah?
謝謝，菲爾，但我得說出來 Thanks, Phil, but gonna do it.
你說我是個笑柄，但我不是 You said I'm a joke.Well I'm not.
我不是什麼怪怪的，乳狀的，米做的 爛爛的，喂小孩和老人的東西! I'm not some weird, milky, ricy, watery that you feed to infants and old people, ok!
如果你加點辣椒粉的話我還有可能是！ Maybe I would be if you added some cayenne pepper!
我也希望我是個無聊的牙醫… I wish I was a boring dentist...
…過著無聊的生活，有一堆無聊的朋友… ...who had a boring life and boring friends...
…但我不是 ... but I don't and I'm not.
我是這個怪異狼群的一員 I'm actually part of this weird wolf pack.
不是怪異，是酷！而且不收會費 It's not weird. It's pretty cool actually. No membership fees.
我聽夠了，你給我過來 I've had enough of this. Come here.
哇哦！告訴你 Whoa! Here's the deal man.
我有黑暗的一面！ - I got a dark side!
我心裏住著貞子！ There's a demon in me!
是真的，他身體裏有精子 It's true, he has semen in him.
我說的是貞子 I said demon.
- 但你身體裏確實有精子，不是嗎？ - 不一回事，但是謝謝，艾倫 - But you also have semen in you, remember? - Not relevant, but thank you, Alan.
我要說的是，我身體裏的貞子 把我帶到了一些很危險的地方 The point is, this demon takes me to some pretty weird places.
我們在曼谷丟了泰迪兩天 We lost Teddy for two days in Bangkok.
但是同樣的貞子，讓我們找到了他 把他帶回來 But that same demon took us to hell and back to find him.
我們戰勝了曼谷，我們贏了 We took on Bangkok and we won.
如果你問，我會說這感覺棒極了！ Now that's pretty fuckin cool if you ask me!
我愛你的女兒，我要和她結婚 I love your daughter, and I'm gonna marry her.
- 除非你不願意? - 我願意 - Unless you have any problem with that? - I'm good.
但是，如果我們可以得到你TMD祝福… But all that said, it would actually mean a great deal to both of us...
…將對我們意義重大！ ...if we could just get your mother fucking blessing!
嘿，艾倫… Hey, Alan...
- 你的光頭挺酷的 - 謝謝你，菲爾 - That looks pretty cool shaved. - Thanks, Phil.
你也應該把你的剃了 You should shave your head too.
- 為什麼我要那麼做? - 那樣我們看上去就像雙胞胎 - Why would I do that? - Well than we would look exactly alike.
- 好好照顧我女兒，斯圖 - 我會的 - Take good care of my daughter, Stu. - I will.
非常抱歉我們差點用那艘船撞死大家 I'm sorry we almost killed everyone with the boat.
只要你在這裏就行了 Just happy you're here.
也別擔心紋身，我一回洛杉磯就洗掉它 And don't worry about the tattoo. I'm gonna have it lasered as soon as we're home in LA.
- 沒關係，我能適應它的 - 真的嗎? - That's ok. I can get used to it. - Really?
但是現在，我們還是換個位置吧? But for now, let's switch sides?
- 哦，好吧 - 謝謝 - Yeah, ok. - Thank you.
好多了 Much better.
親愛的家人和朋友，我代表斯圖和勞拉… Dear family and friends. On behalf of Stu and Lauren...
…歡迎你們，來參加婚禮 ...I welcome all of you, to this marriage celebration.
今天我們在這裏… We are here today to...
嘿，哥們，你能停一下嗎 Hey buddy. Can you hold on for a second.
謝謝 Thank you.
大家好？各位 Hello? Hi everyone!
我叫艾倫·加納 My name's Alan Garner.
我要感謝亞洲人民讓我們站在你們的土地上 I want to thank the Asiatic people for allowing us in your land.
我想說的是，嗯，我真的很高興在這裏… I wanted to say that, um, I'm really happy to be here...
…我有一份結婚禮物要送給勞拉和斯圖 ...and I have a wedding gift to present to Lauren and Stu.
它代表我此刻的心情… And um, a lot of thought has gone into this...
…我希望你們大家能和我一樣喜歡 ...and I hope that you appreciate it as much as I did, or going to.
好了，大伙！ Okay, guys!
哦，靠！ Oh, fuck!
艾倫！ Alan!
這TMD是怎麼回事? What the fuck?
- 你覺得怎麼樣? - 真是棒透了！你怎麼做到的? - So what do ya think? - That's insane! How did you do that?
我爸打了很多電話 My dad had to make a lot of calls.
我告訴邁克（拳王泰森）你必須來 這是給我第三好的朋友 I told Mike that you gotta do it. It's for my third best friend.
艾倫，太棒了！ 我愛這個！太謝謝你了！ Alan, it's amazing! I love it! Thank you so much!
我們只有今晚能和他在一起 他不能一直和我們在一起的 We only have him for tonight. We don't have him permanently.
我理解！ Understood!
- 你總在公共場合演講，艾倫? - 我哪有?? - You do a lot of public speaking, Alan? - I barely ??
邁克，你真是太棒了，真的，難以置信 Mike, you were great. It's true, that was incredible.
謝謝你們，這對我意義重大，真的！ Thanks, guys. That means a lot, really!
還有，你TMD必須把這紋身洗掉 By the way, you really need to remove that fuckin tattoo from your face!
是！當然！ Yeah! On it!
很抱歉在最後一刻改變了節目，邁克 Sorry about the last minute change up to the performance, Mike.
- 沒關係，艾倫 - 你在說什麼？ - Don't worry, Alan. - What are you talking about?
他原本應該唱喬納斯兄弟的「燒起來」… Well he was originally supposed to sing "Burning Up" by the Jonas Brothers...
…可是我記得你不喜歡獨立搖滾 ...but then I remembered you don't like indie rock.
嘿，兄弟們，說了你們也不信 Hey guys. You're not gonna believe this.
- 那是你的電話? - 是啊 - Is that your phone? - Yeah.
那你怎麼沒給我們打電話? How come you never tried calling us?
這兩天都沒電關機了 It's been dead for two days.
我充電後，發現了這些照片 But I recharged it and found all these photos.
什麼? What?
- TMD！ - 嗯，有些可是很黃很暴力的 - Shit! - Yeah, some of it's pretty messed up.
- 棒極了，我們看看 - 哇哦，哇哦！ - Awesome, let's check em out. - Whoa, whoa, whoa!
這東西不需要看了！ No one needs to see this stuff!
別扯了！兄弟，我是邁克·泰森 我什麼都見過！ C'mon man! I'm Mike Tyson. I've seen everything!
有什麼關係 - It'll be fine. - (mumbles something)
- 好吧，我們只看一次 - 然後就刪了，不會有事的 - Alright, we look at it once. - And then we delete them. It's gonna be ok.
- 噢，噢！ - 操蛋啊！ - Oh, ooh! - Mother fucker!