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有个关于 Here's a little story I'd like to tell...
三个麻吉首次共度 圣诞节的小故事 ...about three best friends and their first Noel.
故事始于2001年的圣诞夜 It begins right before Christmas 2001...
有位名叫伊森的年轻人成为孤儿 ...when a young man named Ethan became an orphan.
他的父母不幸双亡 His mama and papa both tragically gone...
对他而言 圣诞节就此成了黑白 ...it seemed for him Christmas had sung its swan song.
当他在圣诞夜里独坐 As he sat alone on Christmas Eve...
他朋友前来强迫他离开 ...his friends came over and forced him to leave.
为了让伊森走出丧亲之痛 They had to get Ethan out of his funk...
他们一起去酒吧，喝得烂醉 ...so they went to a bar and they got his ass drunk.
在悲伤与泪水过后 终于情况好转，于是他们说 With tears and with sadness they started to mend. Then they said:
不能再哭了 这悲惨的气氛就此结束 No more crying. This sad shit must end.
圣诞节本来是家人团聚 现在变成麻吉聚首的时刻 Christmas was about family, but now it's about friends.
因此有了新的传统 Thus began a new tradition.
圣诞节成了朋友瞎混的时间 找乐子变成唯一的目的 The friends hung on Christmas and fun was their mission.
谁是圣诞节最坏的混蛋？ Who's the baddest motherfucker on Christmas day?
（全世界最小的弟弟） - Get in there. - Aww!
原来你知道 You knew.
- 惊喜吧！ - 这是什么？ - Boom! - What is it?
这东西一次 可放进一百首歌曲 That shit holds a hundred songs at one time.
我下载了大卫马修的新歌 I got the new Dave Matthews downloaded.
太棒了，瑞奇马丁 - Oh, yeah. Ricky Martin. - Oh!
那家伙超杀 That guy slays ass.
他们一起狂欢 什么事情都敢做 They chilled with each other, did all sorts of stuff.
他们狂喝瞎搞 They drank many drinks, they fucked shit up.
点燃他的小弟弟 Light his dick.
Unh!
但在2008年决定性的夜晚 Then one fateful night, 2008...
他们发现圣诞节原来不仅如此 ...they realized that Christmas can be even more great.
在圣诞夜里，他们见到奇景 That eve at the bar, they saw quite a sight.
遇上寻欢的一群人 准备疯狂一夜 Fellow seekers ofjoy having one crazy night.
其中有个女人艳惊全场 And there was a woman, so pretty to all.
于是他们鼓起勇气开口 They worked up the courage, proceeded to call.
- 冒昧打搅 - 伊森开口而她惊而转身 - Excuse me. - Ethan said. And she turned with a fright.
你们之前在哪里狂欢？ Where were you guys partying earlier tonight?
一个棒到无法用言语形容的地方 At a place so great words cannot describe...
有喝不完的酒 ...with so many drinks for one to imbibe.
嗑到挂的药 With so many drugs, I can't believe I survived.
真的假的… What the fuck...
伊森开口问 Ethan asked.
是什么派对来着？ ...is this party called?
怎么，你没听过？ Why, you haven't heard?
胡桃钳派对 It's the Nutcracker Ball.
他们到处打听但没人听过 They asked all around, but to no avail.
这么屌的派对在哪？ Where was this great party, this whitest of whales?
年复一年，他们再接再厉 And though year upon year they tried and they failed...
从没喊累、从没放弃 ...they never did tire, they never did bail.
但时间一久 玩心逐渐消融 But over time, the fun did wane.
一位成家、一位成名 One friend had a family, the other had fame.
经过这些年 他的伙伴都长大了 As the years passed, his boys, they grew up.
但似乎我们的小伊森 仍旧不上不下 But it seems our boy Ethan is just a little bit stuck.
（今年圣诞夜）
来点吗，老兄？ 不需要？ What's up, buddy? No?
好吧，有人要吃吗？ All right. You guys want any of this?
- 不，谢谢你 - 好的 - No, thank you. - Cool.
继续，来吧 Keep it moving. There you go.
好的，很好 Yes, good.
不，等一下 你要干嘛？ Wait. No, no, no. What are you doing?
没有人要吃鲔鱼 所以我想… No one was eating this tuna, so I thought...
小精灵，决定权不在你身上 No, no, no. You don't get to make those executive decisions, elf.
你几岁了？ How old are you?
- 33 - 33 - Thirty-three. - Thirty-three. Heh, heh.
33岁了还当小精灵 Thirty-three years old, and you're an elf.
但你连怎么当小精灵都不会 And you don't even know how to be an elf.
让我看看精灵的表情 Show me the elf face.
Uh...
要开心、热情洋溢 It's happy. It's eager.
外加古怪些 More whimsical.
再怪点、表情稍稍坚决点 Whimsy. Determined, though.
- 没错，就是这样 - 就是这样 - There you go! That's it! - That was it.
难怪你盘子里的东西 没有人拿 That's why you're coming back here with a full tray.
我调你去衣物间 这是你最后的机会 I'm gonna move you to coat check. This is your last chance.
我要你一直保持 小精灵的开心表情 And the whole time, I wanna see that elf face.
- 好 - 现在就开始 - Okay. - Starting now.
去 Go.
快去 Go.
这两件挂一起 等一下，还有号码 These two are together. No, gotta take the ticket.
嗨，您一个人吗？ Hi. Just you, sir?
太好了，这是您的号码 别搞丢了 Great. This is your ticket. Please try not to lose it.
这外套非常昂贵，请小心存放 This is a very expensive coat, so take care of it.
先生，没问题 Absolutely, sir.
拿去，号码 好，还有这个 Here, ticket. Okay, this one.
没错 Yeah.
太好了 Yeah. Great.
嗨，您好，圣诞快乐 Hi. Merry Christmas, sir.
♪ The cold wind is blowing And the streets are getting dark ♪
♪ I'm writing you a letter And I don't know where to start ♪
♪ The bells will be ringing St. John the Divine ♪
♪ I get a little lonely Every year around this time ♪
嘿，你在干嘛？ Hey, what are you doing?
没事 Huh? Nothing.
马上回来 I'm gonna be right back.
你上哪去？ Now, where are you going?
我生病了 I'm sick. Sick.
Whoa!
♪ I've gotta know ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Where do lonely hearts go? ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
恭喜，你即将拥有你 此生中最棒的一个夜晚 You're about to have the best night of your life.
你会学到珍贵的经验 感受圣诞节的欢乐 You will learn valuable lessons, be filled with Christmas cheer...
甚至有机会赢得佳人 ...and probably get laid.
晚上10点会通知派对的地点 We will release the location of our party at 10 p.m.
祝你圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
（蛋酒）
♪ Tell me, I gotta know ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
♪ Where do lonely hearts go? ♪
♪ Nobody ought to be Alone on Christmas ♪
妈，我知道，很抱歉 我得留在这里努力工作 Yeah, I know, Ma. I'm sorry, but I have to stay here and work hard.
不然你认为我 这季的成绩怎么来的？ How you think I'm having such an amazing season?
我也爱你，圣诞节快乐 I love you too. Merry Christmas.
再见 Bye.
♪ Tell me, I gotta know ♪♪
各位好吗？ What's up, fellas? How's it going, man?
你好，宝贝，圣诞快乐 Good to see you, baby. Merry Christmas.
你要拍照？好吧，来拍 You wanna take a picture, man? Let's do it.
放着就好 Just leave it!
如果你不是基督徒 那你是什么？ If you're not Christian, what are you?
我是犹太人 I'm Jewish.
所以你才长得不一样吗？ Is that why you look different?
你刚说什么？再说一次 What was that? Come again.
你长得很古怪 You just look funny.
我长得古怪？ I look funny?
你们看过《TheShining》吗？ You ever see The Shining?
- 艾萨克？ - 是的！ - Isaac? - Yo!
你跟她们说什么？ What are you telling them?
我正在跟你可爱的女儿聊天 I'm just talking to your lovely daughters...
把她们当大人看 ...as though they are adults.
就认知心里层面 如果把孩子当大人看 From a cognitive level, if you speak to kids like they're adults...
容易激发他们的好奇心 能打开孩子的视野 ...it will make them more curious, it will open up their minds to more things.
- 他一定会是个好父亲 - 没错 - He's gonna be a great father. - Yeah.
真希望我有跟你一样美丽的女儿 I just hope we have kids as beautiful as you girls.
很抱歉 - Ow! - I'm sorry.
甜心，到厨房来帮妈妈的忙 Sweeties, just come help Mommy in the kitchen.
- 还好吗？要不要抱抱？ - 没关系 - Are you okay? You want a hug? - That's okay.
好的 Okay.
- 老天，我太糟糕了 - 你才不会 - Gosh, I am such a fucking piece of shit. - No, you're not at all.
我是个很烂的母亲 我一定很糟糕 I'm the worst mom. I'm gonna be terrible.
不会，别这么说 No. Don't say that.
要是我搞砸了怎么办？ What if I screw this up?
你不会，研究显示你的母性 最后一个月会显现 You won't. Studies show your maternal instincts really kick in in the last month.
我知道，抱歉 我太紧张了 I know. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous.
没关系，我好爱你 - It's fine. I love you so much. Okay? - I love you too.
我也爱你
贝兹，看谁来了 Bets, look who it is.
伊森！ Ethan!
圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas.
老天，你肚子好大！ Oh, my God! You look so big!
- 才不会 - 不会吗？ - No. - No?
你认识的怀孕女人不多吧？ You don't know a lot of pregnant women, do you?
- 我是指宝宝 - 没关系，我的确很巨大 - I meant the baby. - No, I look really big.
你看起来很棒，宝宝可能挤在 You look great, and the baby's probably cramped...
- 你紧实的身体里 - 谢谢你，够了 - ...inside of your small, fit body. - Thank you. No, that's enough.
- 嘴巴闭上，没事，都很好 - 抱歉，我不知道该怎么说 - Just shut up. It's all good. It's fine. - I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.
她很美 She looks beautiful.
- 要喝点饮料？ - 当然好 - You want a drink? - Sure.
亲爱的，你要喝点吗？ - Do you want a drink, honey? - I'm okay right now.
先不用
真的？ Really?
是的，我还在待命 脑袋得保持清醒 Yeah. I'm kind of on call. Gotta keep my head on straight.
- 但你今晚会喝吧？ - 当然会 - But you're gonna drink tonight? - Yeah. For sure.
- 因为我已经醉了 - 看得出来 - Because I'm already kind of drunk. - I can tell.
- 一定是克里斯来了 - 没错 - That's Chris. - Yeah.
各位，看谁来了！ Everybody, look who it is!
圣诞节快乐、宽札节快乐 光明节快乐 Merry Christmas, blessed Kwanzaa, happy Hanukkah!
老兄，最近好吗？ Hey, man. How's it going?
瞧瞧这个，我的老天！ Whoa! Look at this! Oh, my God!
不从正面看 还真看不出你怀孕了呢 I couldn't even tell you were pregnant till I saw you from the side.
你真的很娇小！ Look how tiny you are!
说得真贴切 That's so nice of you to say.
对怀孕女人就该这么说 That is how you talk to a pregnant woman.
真是了不起 这一季表现非常棒，恭喜 It's amazing. You've had the season of a lifetime. Congratulations, man.
- 恭喜 - 谢了，老兄 - Congrats. - Thanks, man.
我用新的健身方法 新的原始人饮食法 Got a new workout, new diet, new paleo thing I've been doing.
我听过，有效吗？ I've heard about that. And it works?
简直是重塑，要是你看到 我没穿衣服时，绝对吓一跳 It rips you up. If you see me naked, it'll blow your mind.
我想看看 I'd love to.
♪ Five golden rings ♪
开始唱 Kick ass.
♪ Four calling birds ♪
♪ Three French hens ♪
♪ Two turtle doves ♪
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
真不敢相信 今年又要这么做 Really can't believe we're doing this again this year.
老实说，几年前我就玩完了 I was done a few years ago, to be totally honest.
但我们就像永远都在玩 不给糖就捣蛋的小孩 We're like those kids who won't stop trick-or-treating.
但那种人到你门前 你就会说 Eventually, they come to your door, you're like, "Eh."
-〝糖不是给你的〞 - 没错 - "No candy for you." - No.
〝小子，别再玩了〞 "Pack it in, kid."
- 但就这样了，最后一次圣诞狂欢 - 最后一次是吧？ - But this is it. This is the last Christmas. - Last time. Right?
- 他能接受吗？ - 我想可以 - Is he cool with it? - Yeah, I think so.
他现在似乎很开心 He looks happy right now, right?
我的意思是 我们在纵容他 I'm just saying, we're enabling him at this point.
我们不是在帮他 解决他自己的问题 We're not helping him get over his own problems.
在心理层面来说 这样子不好 On a psychological level, that's not good.
我已经决定 I've made a decision.
作为今晚的圣诞节礼物 我来保护他 For a Christmas present tonight, I'm gonna take him under my wing.
我来帮他 帮他脱离这个状态 I'm gonna help him and get him out of this rut.
这是十年来我们一直逃避的话题 It's a conversation we've been avoiding for 10 years, actually.
我知道 I know.
简单扼要就好 Just do it easy.
我会全力以赴 I'm going all in.
- 别太用力 - 全力以赴 - Don't go all in. - Balls and all.
♪ And a partridge in a pear tree ♪
♪ On the eighth... ♪♪
玩得开心点 Have fun.
好好照顾我丈夫 我喜欢他 Take good care of my husband, all right? I like him.
会的 We will.
对了，贝兹 帮我跟黛安娜打招呼 Hey, Bets, tell Diana I said hello.
最好是 Yeah, no.
算了，圣诞快乐 - No, no. Merry Christmas. - Mwah.
再见 Bye-bye.
- 恭喜 - 很高兴见到你 - Congratulations. - Mwah. Good to see you.
- 公园里最幸运的男人 - 我的确是，再见 - Luckiest guy in the Park. - I sure am. Bye.
可以先跟你简短说几句话？ Can I talk to you for a second real quick?
怎么了？ 不是现在玩送礼物吧？ What? We're not doing gifts now, are we?
不，是明天 但我相信你今晚需要这个 No, we're doing them tomorrow, but this one I'm pretty sure you'll want tonight.
- 这是什么？ - 整个怀孕期间 - What is it? - You have been such a rock...
你真的很体贴 ...throughout this whole pregnancy.
你就像是我的巨石强森 You're like my Dwayne Johnson.
谢谢你 Thank you.
现在圣诞节到了 我们几乎快成功了 It's Christmas now, and we've almost made it...
这是你应得的 圣诞节快乐 ...and you deserve this. So Merry Christmas.
是古龙水吗？ Is it cologne?
不是 No.
我的老天！ Holy shit!
这是全世界各种毒品 It's every single drug in the whole world.
你干嘛给我这个？ Why are you giving this to me?
你一直照顾我跟宝宝 You've been so focused on me and the baby...
今晚我觉得 你该照顾你自己一下 ...and tonight I think you should just focus on yourself.
去外头好好疯一下 Go out there, get fucking wild, you know?
这是古柯碱吗？ 我大概11年没碰了吧 Is this cocaine? I haven't done cocaine for 11 years, I don't think.
没人碰过吧 No one has, I don't think.
真是太了不起了 你哪里弄来的？ That's amazing. Where did you get all this shit?
- 克雷格分类广告 - 从克雷格分类广告弄来的？ - Craigslist. - You got it from Craigslist?
我打〝纽约药头〞 然后按搜寻 I just typed in the search "NYC drugs."
你真的很厉害 Really resourceful of you.
这是你们最后一次圣诞节聚会 好好疯狂一下吧 It's your last Christmas together, so have fun. Enjoy it.
- 真是谢谢你 - 我爱你 - Thank you so much. - Yeah. I love you.
太棒了，我身上有电话 This is so great. I'll have my phone with me.
我应该会很早回家 我爱你 I'll be home pretty early, I think. Okay. I love you.
什么？ What?
这是什么鬼？ What the fuck is this?
这是红牛礼车，各位 This is the Red Bull Limousine, fellas.
我现在是红牛代言人 You are now looking at the face and body of Red Bull.
恭喜，老兄 - Wow! Congratulations, man! - Huh? Right?
是吧？既然是最后一次过圣诞节 就该过得有质感一点 Since this is our final Christmas, I figured we could do it in class.
没错，这才叫做过圣诞节 Seriously, this is what the spirit of Christmas is all about.
有钱的运动选手终于 得到梦寐以求的公司礼车 A rich athlete finally getting the corporate limo that he always wanted.
- 没错！ - 我也这么认为 - Exactly! - I think so.
走吧，上车 你们得见识一下 Let's go, get in. You gotta see this. Come on.
超酷！ Cool!
各位，这是红牛礼车 Yo, it's the Red Bull Limo, guys!
好了 All right.
各位好吗？ Yo! What's up, everybody? This your man, C-Rob.
我是你们的西罗
我们现在在红牛礼车里 We in the Red Bull Limo.
里面有各种香槟、白兰地 And we Dom P'in it, we have Cristal in it, Hennythuggin' it...
还有红牛！ ...and we got Red Bull!
而我正在使用 Sony Xperia Ultra手机录影 I'm capturing this on my Sony Xperia Ultra phone.
无论在任何灯光下 画质一样清晰，对吧？ No matter what the light, the picture's right. All right?
你们的克里斯罗伯 就要来了 This your man, Chris Rob, coming at you.
现在，再见了 What happening? Peace!
再见！ - Peace! - Wow.
上传 And Internet.
- 他的社群网站经营得很夸张 - 即时 - His social media game is crazy. - On point.
- 真的即时，没错 - 即时 - Really on point, yeah. - On point.
可能已经有五百万人看过了 Five million people probably just saw that.
嗨 Hey there.
抱歉打搅你们休息聚会 Didn't wanna interrupt while you guys were rolling back there.
很棒的影片，我刚才看了 Great video, by the way. I just watched it.
还真快 That was fast.
我是乔许亚 今晚红牛赞助的司机 My name's Joshua. I'm gonna be your Red Bull-provided driver for the evening.
第一站：洛克斐勒中心，是吗？ First stop: Rockefeller Center, right?
- 太棒了，谢谢你，乔许 - 升起隔板 - Great, thank you, Josh. - Raise partition.
幸会，乔许 Nice meeting you, Josh.
我做太多打招呼的手势 I'm doing the hang-loose thing too much.
好的，需要再叫你 好了 Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll call you. There we go.
你们看看贝兹给我什么 Check out what Betsy gave me.
一堆药，我们吃一点点魔菇 It's a bunch of drugs. We eat a little 'shrooms...
就会开始晕眩 这些灯光就会变得灿烂 ...to kind of trip out a little bit, look at the lights, all the sparkly lights.
先喝香槟吧 Let's start with the champagne.
当然好 Yeah, sure, yeah. Yeah!
朝着窗户 Aim it out the window, aim it out the window! Oh!
♪ You know you wanna get down ♪
♪ Get on down ♪♪
- 小伊，最近过得如何？ - 很好 - So, what's up, E? How's life, man? - Life is good!
- 是吗？ - 是的，兄弟 - Yeah? - Yeah, dude.
你的音乐创作如何？ 有什么现场表演吗？ How's the music going? Any gigs coming up?
不到现场演出 讲现场演出有点夸张了 Not gigs, but gigs are overrated, dude.
大家现在几乎都拿着手机不放 People are just on their phones the whole time.
- 你懂我说的意思吗？ - 完全同意 - You know what I mean? - Totally, yeah.
我现在做的 The thing I'm working on now...
你真的要从头听到尾 是一种概念音乐 ...you really have to listen to it start to finish. It's a concept album.
什么概念？ What's the concept?
我还在创作这一部分 I'm still conceptualizing that part of it...
- 但都是关于你所熟知的人 - 西罗，能请你签名吗？ - ...but it's all about who you know... - C-Rob, will you sign this?
- 主要是这样 - 等等 - ...more than anything. - Wait up, wait up.
你们好吗？圣诞节快乐 How's it going? Hey, merry Christmas.
- 照片炸弹！ - 好了，给你 - Photobomb! - There you go. All right.
真的假的？ That just happens now?
大家喜欢西罗 - People love C-Rob. - Wow.
黛安娜呢？ 你跟她聊过？ So how about Diana? You talk to her?
进展的如何？ How's things going with that?
要是放弃她就太可惜了 Hate to see that one get away, you know?
- 仍旧是过去式 - 结束了，别担心 - It's still over. - It's over. Don't worry about it.
没关系，谁都没错 就是分开而已 But it's okay. It's no one's fault, really. We just drifted apart.
圣诞树到了！ 这事下次再说吧？ Look, we're at the tree! Why don't we talk about it another time?
- 什么？ - 现在别谈这事 - What? - Not now, man.
Wow.
各位 Gentlemen...
14年前的今晚 诞生了一个传统 ...14 years ago to this very night, a tradition was born.
那年有个喝醉的混球 开车撞死了我父母 That year some drunk, fucking asshole hit my parents with a car.
那年圣诞节，我没有家人 So that Christmas, I didn't have any family to be with...
但有你们陪我 ...but you guys were there for me.
但今晚！ But tonight!
今晚不一样 Tonight's different.
我们一致同意结束这个传统 We have mutually decided to end this tradition.
艾萨克就要有个宝宝 Isaac's about to have a baby.
克里斯太出名 不能再跟我们在街头厮混 And Chris is just too fucking famous to hang out with us anymore.
但各位，今天稍早 But, guys, earlier today...
我亲眼目睹了真正的圣诞节奇蹟 ...I witnessed a real-life Christmas miracle.
- 你哪里弄来的？ - 老天！这些是真的吗？ - Where the fuck did you get those? - Holy shit! Are those real?
是真的！ They are fucking real!
哪里弄来的？ Where did they come from?
这不重要！ 这是圣诞节奇蹟！ It doesn't matter! It's a fucking Christmas miracle!
你杀人抢来的？ You killed somebody for those?
不，我偷来的 No, I stole them.
太棒了！真了不起！ That's awesome! What a blowout!
是胡桃钳舞会！ It is the Nutcracker Ball!
太棒了 Yes!
我打了入场券上的电话 So I called the number on these tickets.
要到晚上10点才会公布地点 They don't give out the address till 10.
还有好几个小时能够 尽量完成其他的圣诞节传统！ So that gives us several hours to hit as many Christmas traditions as possible!
就这么办吧 Let's do it.
这会是我们生命中最棒的一晚！ And it's gonna be the best fucking night of our lives!
我太激动了，太棒了 I'm so psyched, man. Awesome.
也许会变成新的圣诞节传统 Maybe it'll be the new Christmas tradition.
应该不会有新的传统了吧 I don't know if we're really replacing this with another tradition.
开玩笑的，艾萨克 相信我 That was a joke, Isaac. Give me some credit.
真的是开玩笑的 要结束我没问题 Obviously, that was a joke. I am totally cool with it.
他真的是开玩笑 Obviously, he's joking.
- 绝对是 - 各位，我有毛衣 - Definitely. - Gentlemen, I got the sweaters.
这件给你 This one's for you.
- 这件给你 - 非常好 - This is for you. - Nice.
来吧 Let's do this!
来吧，他去哪里？ - Let's do it. Hey, where'd he go? - Ha, ha, ha.
（红牛）
♪ We got ya, we got ya, we got ya ♪
♪ And I always find Yeah, I always find something wrong ♪
♪ You been putting up with my shit Just way too long ♪
♪ I'm so gifted at finding What I don't like the most ♪
♪ So I think it's time For us to have a toast ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the douchebags ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the assholes ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the scumbags ♪
♪ Every one of them that I know ♪
♪ Let's have a toast For the jerk-offs ♪
♪ That'll never take work off ♪
♪ Baby, I got a plan ♪
♪ Run away as fast as you can ♪
♪ Run away as fast as you can ♪♪
汤来了！ - Soup's on! - Yay.
嗨，杜汪，你好吗？ Hey, Thuwan! How's it going, my man?
圣诞节到了，我们没喝到 蛋酒汤之前都不算是圣诞节 Now it's Christmas. It's not Christmas till we eat egg drop soup.
让我回到从前 你打给谁？ It brings me back. Who are you calling right now?
- 打给我兄弟，汤米欧文斯 - 你打给汤米欧文斯？ - Calling my man Tommy Owens. - You're calling Tommy Owens?
- 谁是汤米欧文斯？ - 他是联盟里最厉害的球员 - Who's Tommy Owens? - He's the best player in the league.
- 汤米！ - 西钱，你好吗？ - Tommy! - C-Money, what's up, my man?
圣诞节快乐 Merry Christmas. Heh-heh-heh.
帮我打个招呼 Tell him hi.
轩尼诗 Hennessy.
我们要去胡桃钳舞会 我帮我的人弄到票了 We going to the Nutcracker Ball. I got tickets for my boys.
我们在派对名单上 I got us on the list for the party...
会后派对、会前派对 每个派对都有 ...the after-party, the before-party, every party.
恭喜你，宝贝，你红了 Congrats, baby, you coming up big time.
我们不都这样！ What we do, baby. That's what we do!
叫他带点货来 Tell him to bring some green with him.
西钱，既然现在在电话上 Oh. Hey, yo, C-Money, while I got you on the phone...
我很不想问 但你能弄点大麻来吗？ ...I hate to even ask, but you think maybe you could bring us some weed?
当然，我拿得到大麻 宝贝，你也知道我是谁吧 Yeah, I can get weed. Look who you're talking to, baby.
- 拜托，我是克里斯钱 - 抽两口！ - Come on. It's Chris Money. - Smoke it up!
胡桃钳舞会见，拿半磅给你 I'll see you at the Nutcracker Ball. I'll bring you a half a pound...
我们好好玩玩 爱你 ...and we gonna roll. Much love.
就这样，克里斯要挂了 再见 One. Chris love out. Peace.
盒子里面有多少大麻？ How much weed you got in that box?
不知道，看一下吧？ I don't know. Why don't we check?
看看吧，小子 Check it out, playa.
有人打来，因为我有大麻烟 Someone call Snoop D-O-double gezzank, because I got the reefers.
你只有一根？ You have one joint?
这些药她不懂 这些都只有一点点 She doesn't know that much about drugs. The proportions of this shit is all off.
老兄，我们得弄些大麻 Dude, we need to get some weed.
别搞错重点了 Can we just not get derailed here?
今晚无关明星球员 跟他要的大麻 This is not about some famous athlete and his weed.
是我们三个 最后一次的圣诞节聚会 This is about the three of us. This is our last Christmas together.
这是事关明星球员 跟他要的大麻 It is about a famous athlete and his weed.
我在这家伙的球队里六年 他终于认识我 I've been on this dude's team for six years and he finally knows who I am.
如果我能拿大麻给他 If I can deliver this weed...
我们就能跟汤米欧文斯 混一整个晚上！ ...we could smoke with Tommy Owens and hang with him all night!
我想跟汤米欧文斯一起抽大麻 I'd love to smoke weed with Tommy Owens.
你看吧？ 他想跟汤米一起抽大麻 See? He wants to smoke with Tommy, right?
好，好 Okay. Okay.
哪里弄得到大麻？ - Where do we get some weed from? - Uh...
可以打给格林先生 We could call Mr. Green.
为何又跑到高校外来？ Why are we outside our high school again?
因为他是个药头 而且非常疑神疑鬼 Because he's a fucking drug-dealer and he's suspicious...
除非他之前在校外见过你 否则根本不会跟你碰面 ...and he doesn't meet you unless he's met you there before.
不是我们的老高中 就是这家伙的老妈家里 So it's either our old high school or this guy's mom's house.
不可能 That's not happening.
我知道，所以是这里 I know. So it's here.
该死，你的吗？ Shit. Is that you?
不是我的 It's not mine.
- 不 - 老天 - No. - Oh, shit.
之前就有了 That was there before.
现在还有公共电话？ Do they even make payphones anymore?
别碰，大家拿来擦屁股的 Don't touch it. People wipe their butts on those.
你这么跟他通话 This is how you gotta talk to him.
别接！ Don't pick up! Oh!
哈罗！我是1998 Hello! 1998 speaking.
太恶心了 That's gross.
Oh.
好，我看到你了，谢了 他在那里 Yeah, I see you. Okay. Thanks. He's right there.
过去，去拿大麻 Go ahead. Go get the weed.
我不去，你去 I'm not going. You're going.
- 去拿吧，快点，别耍孬了 - 是你要的大麻！ - Just get it. Come on, don't be a baby. - It's your weed!
该死 Shit.
只有我这么觉得吗 他变了，对吗？ Is it just me? He's changed a little bit, right?
是，没错 他似乎很在乎自己的名气 Uh, yeah, he seems like he's excited about his fame.
我们有责任让他不忘本吧 I think it's our job to sort of just keep him in check.
有时候，你觉得 劝朋友好像很容易 Sometimes, you think it's easy to tell your friend something...
但实际上要当面说出时 ...and it's actually hard to tell them that thing...
要说出真相 ...once you're confronted with the actual moment...
又变得难以启齿 ...that you would maybe tell them that thing.
你懂我说的吗？ You know what I mean?
格林先生！ 你好吗？ Mr. Green! What's up, man?
晚安 Good evening.
你好吗？能见到你真好 How you doing? It's good to see you.
很高兴圣诞节你还营业 I'm glad you open on Christmas. Whoo.
很多人圣诞节的时候需要我 A lot of people need me on Christmas, you know.
老实说节日不好过 It's a tough holiday.
我认识你 I know you.
是的 Yeah.
我跟我朋友高中的时候 你卖过大麻给我们 You used to sell weed to me and my friends when we were in high school.
没错，很疯狂 Yeah, that's crazy.
你要什么？ So, what do you want?
你的上等货 就那些草 Your best shit, man. That chronic, that drow, that...
没错，那类的 Yeah, yeah! Some of that.
看见你们仍然一起混 一起抽大麻，真的不错 It's good to see you kids still hanging out and smoking up.
让我很骄傲 Makes me proud.
谢了，我们只是想持续作梦 Thanks, man. We're just kind of trying to keep the dream alive, you know?
但这不是我们要的 是我的好朋友要的 But this is not for us. This is for a good friend of mine.
汤米欧文斯 弥赛亚队四分卫 Tommy Owens. Quarterback. The Messiah.
你知道吗？就我看来 You know what? As far as I'm concerned...
只有一个弥赛亚 ...there's only one Messiah.
我们的救世主，耶稣基督 Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
这个名字不容亵渎的 So that name's a little blasphemous.
是 Yeah.
圣诞节大麻礼 The Weed of Christmas Present.
我是球员，不能吸毒 所以我不能抽的 I'm an athlete, so drug-free body. Drug-free zone. No smoking.
你帮别人买 自己不试过吗？ You buying that for somebody and you're not gonna test it?
有可能是牛至 That could be oregano.
- 什么牛？ - 牛至 - Orega-what? - Oregano.
如何？ So...
应该会不一样吗？ Something special supposed to happen?
已经发生了 It just did.
你已经接受礼物了 You're in the present.
什么？也许我已经开始嗨了 我不知道… What? Maybe I'm high or something, man, I don't...
也许你已经接受礼物了 Or maybe you're in the present.
圣诞节大麻礼 The Weed of Christmas Present.
这么说来，所有的大麻 不都是圣诞节大麻礼？ Well, with that logic, isn't all weed the weed of Christmas present?
只有在圣诞节的才算 Only on Christmas, kid.
总之，一百块美金 Anyway, that'll be a hundred bucks.
好的，我给你一百块 Oh. All right. I'll get your hundreds.
如果你们晚点没事 就到我举办的派对来 If you guys ain't doing nothing later, you should stop by this party I'm throwing.
非常热闹的庆祝会 It's a hell of a bash.
真的？ Heh-heh. You serious?
不在我车子里 It's not in my car.
真正的派对 It's a real party.
我们有别的派对要参加 很抱歉，但感谢邀请 Uh, we already got invited to something. Sorry. But thank you for the invite.
没关系，不伤感情的 That's no problem. My feelings aren't hurt. Not really.
跟艾萨克说〝两小时后见〞 Tell Isaac, "I'll see you in a couple hours."
什么？ What?
告诉艾萨克 我两小时后见他 Tell Isaac I'll see him in a couple hours.
他怎么突然就成名了？ How did he get so good all of a sudden?
不知道 I don't know.
来了 Oh. Here we go. Here we go.
真是超诡异的经历 That shit was the weirdest fucking experience of my life, dude.
- 是吗？ - 但我买到大麻了 - Really? - But I got the weed.
非常好 Nice.
走吧，去卡拉OK大搞一场 Come on, let's go tear this fucking karaoke down.
让那些婊子知道 冰冻组大驾光临！ Let them bitches know the Ice Crew in the building!
走吧，宝贝 Let's do it, baby.
- 舞步你练好了吗？ - 我没间断过 - Did you practice the moves? - Oh, I've been practicing.
嘿！ Hey!
快乐脚、快乐脚 Whoa. Happy feet, happy feet.
跳吧 Show them, huh! Unh! Unh! Unh!
♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪
♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪
♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪
♪ And Santa's putting toys Under Christmas trees ♪
♪ Decorate the house With lights at night ♪
♪ Snow on the ground Snow white so bright ♪
♪ In the fireplace is the yule log ♪
♪ Beneath the mistletoe Is where we're drinkin' eggnog ♪
♪ The rhymes that you hear Are the rhymes of Darryl's ♪
♪ But each and every year We bust Christmas carols ♪
拿出我的婚前协议书 Got my prenup.
磨菇开始发挥功效了 I think the 'shrooms are kicking in.
♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪
♪ I'm chilling and cooling Like a snowman ♪
♪ So open your eyes, lend us an ear We want to say ♪
♪ Merry Christmas And a Happy New Year ♪
各位好吗？ 我们是冰冻小组！ Yo, what's up? We're the Ice Crew!
只有一件事要说！ We just got one thing to say!
喝点红牛！ Drink some damn Red Bull. Hell, yeah!
真的开始了 It's happening.
- 你感觉还好吗？ - 是的 - You feel good? - Yeah.
伊森，黛安娜来了 Ethan, it's Diana!
- 嗨 - 你好吗？ - Hi. - What's up?
克里斯，我想跟你打招呼 但你身边都是粉丝 Chris, I wanna say hi to you, but you're surrounded by fans!
我知道，很疯狂 跟伊森打个招呼吧 I know. It's crazy! Say hey to Ethan!
他真的很好 He looks really great!
我们到外面拍照上传到Instagram 我的社群网站经营得超即时 Let's go outside and Instagram. My social media game is on point!
- 这家伙现在真的很红 - 是的 - That guy's really famous now. - Yeah.
超级红 Super famous.
见到你们真好！ - So good seeing you guys! - Hey!
圣诞节快乐 你们怎么会跑到这里来？ Merry Christmas. What are you guys doing here?
这里是圣诞节 唯一还开着的卡拉OK店 It's the only karaoke place that's open on Christmas.
没错，是我们的传统 Yeah, it's our tradition.
我该想到你们会来 I should've remembered that you guys come here.
但《Run–DMC》乐团 终于能看见了 But Run-DMC, I got to see it! Finally.
- 你喜欢吗？ - 太棒了 - You liked it? - It was awesome.
你们错过了 This is what you guys missed.
她唱麦莉希拉的歌 She did Miley Cyrus.
《Wrecking Ball》唱超好 非常了不起 She destroyed Wrecking Ball. It was amazing.
- 你还喜欢那首歌 - 大家都喜欢 - You still like that song. - Everybody does.
适合哭、适合运动 还适合开派对 You can cry to it. You can run to it. You can party to it.
- 历久不衰！ - 你们过得如何？ - Timeless! - What are you guys doing?
今晚真的很开心 We're having a really fun night, actually.
我们试着慢慢来，但非常开心 We're kind of going not too hard, but pretty hard.
算是… We're kind of just...
三个人最后一次的圣诞聚会！ It's our last night doing the Christmas!
- 划时代的结束 - 最后一年 - End of an era. - Last year. Last year.
但真的很开心 But it's been really fun, though.
当然，贝兹不到一个月 就要生了 Of course. Betsy's giving birth in a month.
没错，她就要生了 She's having a baby, yeah.
我们在办公室里会很想她的 We're gonna miss her at the office.
但她说你表现得非常好 But she said that you've been doing a very good job.
已经做好万全准备 That you're so prepared.
你读了所有的爸爸经 You've read every single book on being a dad since books were created.
要是我就吓坏了 I would be losing my shit right now.
你已经做好准备 有绝对的把握 That you're prepared, like over-prepared.
他很有把握 有所有数据统计 He's solid. He's got the stats.
很多像你这时期的男人都吓坏了 A lot of men in your position fucking freak out.
- 他们就离开了 - 闪人了 - They just leave. - And they take off.
- 这很普遍 - 真的，你们… - It's an epidemic. - It's true. Are you guys...
搞什么！你们还好吗？ What the fuck! Are you guys okay? Are you okay?
这里的灯光超刺眼 你们没事吧？ The lights in here fucking with you guys? Like a lot.
不会啊 Not really.
可能是刚刚跳舞的关系 I think moving around, maybe, from the dancing.
- 没错 - 我打给贝兹，马上回来 - Yeah. - I'm gonna call Betsy. I'll be right back.
- 好主意 - 很高兴见到你们，我… It's good to see you. I'll be... I'll be... I'll be...
打电话给她 Give her a call.
你们友情真坚定 You guys have a nice connection.
没错，他很体贴 Yeah, he's a sweetheart.
- 我去酒吧，拿点酒 - 不行！ - I'm gonna go to the bar, get more to drink. - No. No, no.
- 很高兴见到你 - 圣诞节快乐 - Nice to see you. - Merry Christmas.
你气色不错 You look good.
嗨 Hi.
嗨 Hi. Heh, heh.
好了 Okay.
振作点 Come on. Whoo!
魔菇效用发作了 还有大半夜没过 The 'shrooms are turning. You got a big night ahead of you.
试试看别的东西 Let's get something else going here.
古柯碱，能让我振奋些 Cocaine. That'll straighten me out.
快进入大脑里 让我有不同的感受 Get in my brain. Make me feel different.
没错 Yeah.
你好吗，弥赛亚？ 你好吗，白耶稣？ What's up, Messiah? How you doing, White Jesus? Ha, ha, ha.
我是西罗 Yo, check it out. It's C-Rob, man.
一切都很好 包在我身上 So everything's good. I got you.
货我弄到手了 I got the shit. I got the weed. I got the smoke.
我还在忙 再传简讯给你，行吗？ You know what? I'm tripping. I'm gonna just text you, all right?
说再见吗？ 再见，西罗要挂了 What happened to peace? Peace. C-Rob out.
克里斯混球罗伯斯？ Chris motherfucking Roberts.
我不是朱莉亚罗勃斯 - Well, I'm not Julia Roberts. - Ha-ha-ha.
但你真的很美 - But you are a pretty woman. - Ha-ha-ha.
糟糕！ Oh, shit! Boom.
我真的是超级粉丝 Dude, I am such a fan.
今晚在这里见到你 Meeting you here tonight...
真的让我的圣诞节好过很多 ...this is enough to make Christmas tolerable for me.
你不喜欢圣诞节？ Whoa. You don't like Christmas?
不，我讨厌圣诞节 No. I fucking hate Christmas.
抱歉我就像是鬼灵精 你这么喜欢圣诞节 Sorry to be like a Grinch. You're into it.
真的太了不起了 This is amazing.
我讨厌圣诞节的指数 就跟喜欢你的指数一样高 As much as I hate Christmas, that's how much I love you.
抱歉，我说太多了 - Wow. - Sorry. Heh. I'm being too much.
我好像是在黏着你 很抱歉 I'm jizzing all over you. I'm getting, like, jizzy. Sorry.
不，黏得好，我喜欢 No, no, no. Jizz all over me. I like that shit.
你可能想回到朋友那里去 You probably wanna go back to your friends.
管他什么朋友 Fuck my friends.
朋友来来去去 Friends come and go...
但粉丝是一辈子的 ...but fans, that's forever.
- 你很调皮 - 非常调皮 - You're naughty. - I'm very naughty.
我得让你学学圣诞节的教训 你这顽皮的小子 I'm gonna teach you a Christmas lesson, you naughty boy.
好 Okay.
真相会让你自由 The truth will set you free.
嘿 Hey, yo.
这现在的艾萨克 This is a message for future Isaac...
给未来艾萨克的留言 ...from current Isaac.
我要你听我说 And I have to tell you to listen to me...
因为我现在脑子很清楚 ...because right now I have clarity.
你不该生这个宝宝 You should not be having this fucking baby.
宝宝是个错误 This baby's a mistake.
宝宝会毁了你的生活 你也会毁了宝宝的生活 The baby will ruin your life. You'll ruin the baby's life!
然后宝宝会开始杀人 And then the baby will fucking murder people!
我不知道你现在搞什么 但甩掉这宝宝 I don't know what you do at this point, but get rid of this fucking baby!
放进袋子里，丢到别的地方！ Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere!
放进篮子里，然后推进河里！ Put it in a basket and push it down a fucking river!
去你的宝宝！ Fuck you, baby!
去你的小手臂 Fuck your baby-fucking little arms...
去你的小身体 去你的小腿腿 ...and your fucking chubby little baby-fucking legs!
去你的宝宝！去你的！笨蛋！ Fuck you, baby! Fuck you! Cunt!
Argh!
好了 Okay.
去你的 Fuck.
好好开心一下！ Have some fun! Yeah!
去开派对 Let's party!
- 艾萨克？ - 该死！是的！ - Isaac? - Fuck. Yeah.
嗨，莎拉，你好吗？ Hi, Sarah! Whaddup?
- 你还好吗？ - 很好 - How's it going? - All right.
好，很好 Good. Cool.
怎么了？你还好吗？ What's going on? You good?
你满身大汗 You're so sweaty.
这里好热，我好热 It's hot in here. I run hot.
我们有个传统得穿毛衣 We have this tradition where we wear sweaters.
显然我不常穿毛衣 I don't always wear a sweater, obviously.
我进到到室内后通常会脱掉 但我不想伤害我朋友的感受 When I'm inside I'd normally take it off. I think it would hurt my friends' feelings.
你说话好快，像个拍卖家 You're talking so fast, you sound like an auctioneer.
真好笑，卖了！ - That's funny. Sold! - Ha-ha.
- 这样有点可怕 - 抱歉，不是故意要吓你 - That was kind of scary. - Sorry. I don't mean to scare you...
- 才大声喊〝卖了〞 - 我的老天 - ...by going, "Sold!" - Oh, my God!
你不该提的 现在我满脑子都是这个字 Ha-ha-ha. You shouldn't have said it. Now it's all I can think about.
- 要喝点东西吗？ - 好啊 - You want a drink? - Okay. Sure.
我们喝点东西吧，我马上回来 Let's have a drink. I'll be right back.
谢了，艾萨克 Thanks, Isaac.
♪ Let's talk about sex ♪
贝兹说你问过我的状况 Betsy said you've been asking about me.
- 才没有 - 没错，是没有 - That's a lie. - It is. That's a lie. Heh, heh.
贝兹绝对只字未提 Betsy would never in a billion years say anything even remotely like that.
你家人还好吗？ How's your family?
你问候我的家人 You're asking about my family.
抱歉，我真不敢相信 你到底是谁？ Sorry, I can't believe it. Who are you?
我活该 I deserve that.
感谢你的问候 我家人很好 My family, thank you for asking, is fine.
通常圣诞夜你不都跟家人度过？ You usually stay with them on Christmas Eve, no?
没错，我是跟我家人一起过 但我得陪莎拉去个地方 Yeah, I'm staying with them, but I'm going to this thing with Sarah.
什么地方？ What is it?
她约会的家伙 让我们去个派对 Okay, she's dating this guy, and he got us into this party.
我知道是你一直想去的派对 And I know you've always wanted to go to it...
真的假的 你要去胡桃钳舞会？ Shit. Are you going to the Nutcracker Ball?
是的，很抱歉 Yeah. I'm sorry.
我们也要去 We're going too.
- 是吗？ - 很疯狂吧？ - You are? - Isn't that crazy?
真替你高兴 你最后一次圣诞节 I'm happy for you. Your last Christmas...
终于能参加 你梦寐以求的大型蠢派对 ...and you get to go to the big dumb party you've always wanted to go to.
你有携伴吗？ You bringing anyone?
参加蠢派对？ To the dumb party?
- 有男生跟你去？ - 我？ - Any guys? - Me?
有，我带两个 Yeah, I'm bringing these two guys...
正在约会的对象 ...that I'm kind of dating.
他们的大雕超雄伟 With really huge dicks.
超惊人 Who've got enormous, almost novelty-sized dicks.
我约会的女生 她的鲍鱼也很壮观 I've been seeing a girl with a huge vagina.
是吗？ Have you?
我不知道无敌之力是否匹配 I don't know if it really has the same impact.
我希望这年轻女孩的鲍鱼 I just hope that this nice young lady's vagina...
该不会连我的一半都不到 ...is not half as big as mine.
- 你的鲍鱼，我觉得… - 是最大的，我知道 - Your vagina. Woopidy-woopidy. - The biggest! I know.
- 你点的在这里 - 非常感谢你 - Here you go. - Thank you so much. Appreciate that.
- 记在你帐上了 - 好的 - It's on your tab. - Cool.
- 干杯！ - 干杯 - Cheers! - Cheers.
真的太开心了 This is so much fun!
好啤酒 Mm. Good beer.
听说啤酒能让你情绪稳定 真的很不错 They say beer mellows you out a bit, which is nice.
味道还蛮酷的，像是钱币 This is kind of cool-tasting. Tastes like pennies or something.
- 太诡异了，有铜的味道吗？ - 是啊 - Weird. It has a coppery flavor? - Yeah.
太奇怪，也许是伏特加的关系？ Bizarre. Maybe it's the vodka?
他们给你的应该是红梅丁尼 You know what? I think they gave you a Crantini.
你想过它们其实都来自 同样的丁尼家族吗？ You ever think maybe they're all part of the same Tini family?
马丁尼、红梅丁尼 Martini, Crantini.
- 只是我的怪想法 - 是很好笑 - It's just a funny idea, I thought. - I guess it's funny.
艾萨克，你流鼻血了 - Oh. Isaac. You have a bloody nose. - Huh?
- 我什么？ - 流鼻血 - I what? - Your nose is bleeding.
我流鼻血？ My nose is bleeding?
- 你感觉不到吗？ - 不会吧！ - Do you not feel that? - Oh, no!
惨了，超多血 It's fucked. There's a lot of blood.
不，我觉得鼻子有点痛 但没太多感觉，好奇怪 No, my nose is very tingly right now. And I actually don't feel much. That's so weird.
该死！ Holy fuck!
怎么了？ What?
你的血流到我的酒里吗？ Did you bleed in my drink?
没有 No.
艾萨克，你的血流进我的酒里！ You fucking bled in my drink, Isaac!
我老实招了 I'm gonna come clean.
我刚吸了古柯碱 所以才会流鼻血 I'm on a lot of cocaine right now. I think that's what made my nose bleed.
你吸古柯碱？ You're on fucking cocaine?
- 你喝很多吗？ - 是啊！ - Did you drink a lot of it? - Kind of!
- 很恶心吗？ - 超恶心的 - Is it that gross? - It's mega-gross.
我不是故意的 I didn't do it on purpose.
你真是个烂人 没资格当个父亲，再见！ You're a totally fucking fucked-up person. You should not be a father. Goodbye!
去你的！ Fuck you!
去你的，艾萨克！ Fuck you, Isaac!
抱歉，去你的！ I'm sorry. Fuck you!
不，去你的！ No, fuck you!
滚开！里面有人在炒饭呢！ Piss off! People are fucking in here!
0比11 - Zero, 11! - Ah!
好了，现在先拉个屎 Okay, now... Now, take a dump.
什么？ What?
嗨，各位，抱歉打搅 嗨，伊森 Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt. Hey, Ethan.
我们得走了，我快吓死 We need to get the fuck out of here. I'm losing my shit right now.
怎么回事？ What happened?
拜托，走吧 Please. I wanna go right now.
- 我随后跟上 - 谢谢你 - I'm right behind you. - Thank you.
- 抱歉 - 抱歉 - Sorry. - I'm sorry.
真糟糕 Yikes.
Uh...
我该走了 I guess that's my cue.
- 跟她说对不起 - 你不用说对不起 - Tell her I'm sorry. - You don't have to be sorry.
等会见了 I guess I'll see you later.
好，嘿 Okay. Oh. Hey, hey, hey.
这正是… This is...
省省吧，老兄 Come on, man.
- 伊森！ - 你有看见艾萨克吗？ - Ethan. - Have you seen Isaac?
别管艾萨克了，我刚刚在里面 上了个女粉丝 Forget Isaac. I just fame-fucked that hipster chick in the bathroom.
- 就是她吗？ - 没错 - So that's her? - Hell, yeah.
可以闪了吗？ Can we go?
- 你还好吗？ - 我很好，走吧！ - Are you okay? - I'm fine! Let's go.
过10点了 可以打派对的电话 It's after 10. We can call the party number now.
快打电话 Let's call! Let's call!
我来找地址 I'll get this address.
最好有用 This better fucking work.
如果你想要个快乐圣诞节 If you want your Christmas merry...
到格蓝与贝瑞街角 ...go to the corner of Grand and Berry.
好的 Okay.
麻烦到格蓝与贝瑞街角！ Grand and Berry, please!
听着，黛安娜也要去胡桃钳舞会 Listen, listen. Diana is also going to the Nutcracker Ball.
- 什么？ - 这太疯狂了吧？ - What? - How crazy is that, right?
她还蛮酷的，我想念她 She's cool. I miss her.
没错，你不该放手的，老兄 Yeah, you shouldn't have let her go, dude.
你该把她追回来，兄弟 我妈叫黛安娜 You should totally get her back, bro. My mom's named Diana.
是，谢了，不是我放手 Yeah, thanks. I didn't let her go.
- 是她离开我 - 你不想见她父母 - She left me. - You didn't wanna meet her parents...
从来不想，两年来不断找藉口 ...and you never did, and you just kept making excuses for two years.
我们的关系就全部归咎在 一件我不愿意做的事情上 She made the whole relationship about the one thing I didn't wanna do.
老兄，你搞砸了 艾萨克，你跟他说他搞砸了 Dude, you fucked up. Isaac, tell him, he fucked up.
- 你搞砸了，老兄 - 看吧？ - You fucked up, man. - See?
艾萨克，你还好吗？ Hey, Isaac. You okay?
不，我不好 No, I'm not.
古柯碱跟魔菇的交互反应很差 I think the cocaine and the mushrooms are reacting poorly.
我想我得平衡一下 And now I think I just got to balance it out.
可能再吃点魔菇 I got to make it that I'm more on mushrooms...
吃魔菇的时候还挺开心的 ...because I was having fun on mushrooms.
- 我有个计划 - 休息一下，喝罐红牛 - I have a plan. - Chill out. Have a Red Bull.
你也可以不要再嗑药了 You could also just stop doing drugs right now.
再吃一点魔菇 Like, much more mushrooms.
- 派对里你能冷静吧？ - 非常冷静 - Are you gonna be cool at this party? - Cool as fuck, G.
你一点都不冷静 No, you're not cool, G.
你像个疯子 只有右眼看起来正常 You look insane. Only your right eye is working.
派对里面有很多名人 There's gonna be a lot of famous people at this party...
我不想你搞砸了 ...and I don't want you to fuck it up.
你走进去像是个怪咖 You walk in there looking like a shit show...
我看起来很怪吗？ Do I look weird now?
没错，非常怪！ Yes! You look weird!
还是很怪 Still weird.
更怪！ Weirder!
- 他看起来很好 - 不，才没有 - He looks fine. - No, you don't!
你最好检查一下 免得… You need to fucking check yourself before...
免得… Before...
我挂掉？ - ...I wreck myself? - Ugh.
- 你是这意思吗？ - 没错 - Is that what you're saying? - Yes.
我挂掉前检查一下？ Chickity-check myself, before I wrickity-wreck myself?
要是你感受如何？ How does that make someone feel?
有人跟你说你可能会挂掉 To be told that they might wreck themselves.
你不会挂掉 You're not gonna wreck yourself.
你让他很难受，别理他了吧 You made him feel bad. Why don't you just leave him alone.
- 他不对劲，老兄 - 冷静点 - Look, he's not right, dude. - Gonna mellow out.
你何不抽点大麻冷静一点 Why don't you have some weed and mellow out.
- 大麻在你那里吗？ - 没有 - You got the weed? - No.
- 大麻在你那里吗？ - 没有 - You got the weed, dude? - No.
她偷走我的大麻 - She stole my fucking weed. - Ha-ha-ha.
我从后面上的时候 她偷翻我的夹克 She was rummaging through my jacket when I was hitting her from the back.
我就知道！ 她偷了我的大麻！ I knew it! She fucking took my weed!
你活该 That serves you right.
老兄，这不好笑！ 她偷了我的大麻！ Dude, it's not funny! She stole my fucking weed!
我最不想沦落在我妈房子外头 The last place I wanna be is outside my mom's house right now.
学校太远了 你妈住得比较近 School's far. Your mom lives close.
格林先生说他要多久才能过来？ How long did Mr. Green say he would be here in?
半小时 Half hour.
好，我们进去等 我冷死了 That's fine. Let's just go inside and wait. I'm freezing.
不，不能进去 我妈可能已经睡了 No, no, no. We're not going inside. My mom's probably asleep.
格林说半小时，事实上很有可能 我们会在这里杵个两小时 A half hour for Mr. Green could be like two hours of standing here.
那时候就冻死了 真的会死翘翘 We could be dead by then. We could literally die by then.
我妈不知道我在这里 别打这主意了，我们不上楼 Look, my mom doesn't know I'm here. So let it go. We're not going upstairs.
- 真的吗？你没告诉她？ - 没有 - Really? You didn't tell her? - No.
我告诉她我在费城 在甘斯渥特有间套房 I told her I was in Philly and I got a suite down at the Gansevoort.
你妈在圣诞节看见你 应该会很开心 I just think your mom would be happy to see you on Christmas.
我没说她看见我会不开心 I'm not saying she wouldn't be happy to see me, all right?
很多事情你不了解 There's just a lot you don't understand.
她只想拿我四处炫耀 All she wants to do is parade me around and show me off to people.
上次我回来 她逼我跟她去教堂 Last time I was here, she made me go to church with her...
签名、亲吻孩子 告诉所有人我的记录 ...and sign autographs, kiss babies, tell people all my stats...
以及我星期天都在干嘛 这些都太离谱 ...and what I did last Sunday. It's too much.
- 我有个问题 - 什么问题？ - I have a question. - What?
你妈还留着任天堂64吗？ Does your mother still have a Nintendo 64?
可能吧，她不会把我的东西丢掉 要干嘛？ Probably. She never throws my stuff away. Why?
没错，这才是你不想上楼的原因 Right. So that's why you don't wanna go upstairs...
因为玩〝黄金眼〞，你不想输 ...because you're gonna lose at "GoldenEye."
-〝黄金眼〞 -〝黄金眼〞 - "GoldenEye." - "GoldenEye."
好吧，比吧，就一场 Okay. Let's do it. One game.
所有人… Nobody touch shit.
都不准碰任何东西 Nobody touch nothing.
我喜欢摸东西 But I love touching things.
Shh-shh-shh.
好，快点 All right, go, go, go.
- 老兄，你的死讯怎么没说？ - 闭嘴 - Dude, did you die and not tell us? - Shut up.
真是了不起 It's amazing.
你赢这奖杯时，我也在 你铁定很骄傲吧 I was there when you won this. You must be so proud.
闭嘴，走了 Shut up and go.
- 你的卧房 - 闭嘴 - Ooh! Your bedroom. - Shut up.
老兄 Dude.
- 伊森 - 什么？ - Ethan. - What?
我找到你了 I found you.
- 你找到我？ - 你看看 - You found me? - Check you out.
（伊森米勒） Oh!
看看你，兄弟 Look at you, man.
记得我们第一次在派对认识？ 谁办的派对来着？ You remember when we all first met at the party? Whose fucking party was that?
- 乔丝琳罗露 - 乔丝琳罗露 - Jocelyn Larue. - Jocelyn Larue.
没错 Yeah, that's right.
记得警察来？ 我们得躲在浴室里 Remember the cops came? We had to hide in the bathroom.
整整三个小时 For three hours.
我好怕被抓因为你嗓门很大 I was afraid we were gonna get caught, because you were so fucking loud.
我记得你穿巴布马利的手染T恤 I remember you wore that Bob Marley tie-dye T-shirt...
我还问你有没有抽大麻？ ...and I asked you if you smoked weed?
我没抽大麻，我只是喜欢 巴布马利跟手染T恤 I didn't even smoke weed. I just liked Bob Marley and tie-dye.
我不知道那是一种暗示 I didn't get that was the vibe I was putting out there.
你应该染紫头发，穿斗蓬参加 You could have showed up with purple hair and a cloak.
那是我巫师装扮时期 That was my warlock phase.
- 那是嗑药时期 - 没错 - That was a dope phase. - Hell, yeah.
克里斯，我很惊讶你会 找我们聊天，我回头看时记得 I'm surprised you even talked to us, Chris. When I look back, I remember thinking:
〝这家伙是个运动选手 "This guy's a jock.
他跟个巫师跟假药头聊天〞 And he's talking to a warlock and a pretend pot-head."
没错 True.
要不是你们，我根本毕不了业 If it wasn't for y'all, I would have never made it through that school.
- 该死，等一下，暂停 - 不行暂停 - Shit. Wait, pause it. - No, no pause.
电话响了，你得暂停 The phone's buzzing. You have to pause it.
- 我帮你买大麻！ - 小声点 - I'm buying you weed! - Shh. Just keep it down!
游戏暂停，要是你开枪打死我 你就失去资格了 Pause the fucking game. If you shoot me right now, you forfeit.
老天，别吵醒我妈 Oh, my God, if my mom wakes up.
没错，是他 格林先生到了 Yeah, it's him. Mr. Green's here.
我才不要上那家伙的车 他吓死我了 I'm never getting in that dude's car again. He freaked me out.
Shh.
我去 I'll go.
你还能走路吗？ Can you even walk?
我都能飞了 I can fly.
警察，兄弟，你被捕了 Five-O, bro. You're busted.
- 你跟我开玩笑的吧？ - 没错，我开玩笑 - Are you fucking kidding me right now? - Yeah, I'm just kidding.
我的老天 - Holy shit, dude. - Heh, heh.
别这么吓人 Don't do that.
老兄，你好，好久不见 Oh, man. Hey, good seeing you, dude. Long time.
的确好久不见 It has been a long time.
- 的确很久了 - 我记得你 - Been a long time, yeah. - I remember you.
你现在的成就，让我非常骄傲 And you know I'm proud of what you've become.
丈夫、律师 Husband, lawyer...
准爸爸，真令人佩服 ...soon-to-be father. That's really impressive.
我才没时间照顾孩子 Me, I don't have time for kids.
你们都是我的孩子 - You're all my children. - Yeah.
你有把我当做你父亲过吗？ You ever think of me as a father figure?
没有 No.
把你的小手放到我手上 Put your tiny hand in mine.
没错 Yeah.
今天晚上不好过吧？ Rough night, huh?
有一点，你看得出来？ 有这么明显吗？ Little bit. Could you tell? Am I wearing it on my sleeve?
我嗑了不少药 I did a lot of drugs.
魔菇、胶囊，好多胶囊 我吃了好多胶囊 Mushrooms. Caps, too many caps. Ate a lot of the caps.
让我有点失控 And I just think it kind of made me freak out a little bit.
基本上让我很难平静下来 And basically, I'm kind of just having a hard time finding my place in all this.
放轻松 Relax.
现在是哪招？ What's happening right now?
只是看着你的灵魂 Just looking into your soul, man.
你看到什么？ What are you seeing?
你需要好一点的大麻 You need a nice mellow indica.
我有北加芽胞 I got a great north Cali bud...
可以抚慰身体 ...with a soothing body high...
而且可以非常清楚看见未来 ...and surprisingly accurate visions of the future.
好啊，你有什么都行 Yeah, sure. Whatever you got, bro.
绝对可以玩得很开心 Yeah. It's definitely a good time.
除非 Unless...
你有些无法言语的伤痛 ...you're dealing with some shit you can't come to terms with.
不，那不是我 那是别的家伙 No! That's not me! That's a different guy.
我的问题都跟药有关 我的情绪完全 I think all my issues are drug-related, and my emotional state is completely...
没有问题，兄弟 ...cool, bro.
先吸一口，看看你是否喜欢 Taste a little shot of this. See if you like it.
来吧 Come on.
我没事 我想药效过了就没事了 I'm good. I think I'll just ride the wave, my main man.
我相信你 I put my hands on you.
拿去 Take it.
轻轻吸一口 Just not too hard.
轻轻吸一口 Not too hard.
我们在哪里？ Where are we?
脱衣俱乐部 A strip club.
十八年后 Eighteen years in the future.
- 那是我太太？ - 是的 - Is that my wife? - Yeah.
你可能该跟她聊聊 You should probably talk to her.
我去点啤酒、顺便跳个舞 I'm gonna get a beer, maybe a dance.
酷 Cool.
嗨 Hi.
坐下，表演要开始了 Sit down. The show's about to start.
好的 Okay.
各位，接下来上场的是希艾拉！ Okay, fellas, let's hear it for Sierra!
Whoo!
她很棒吧？ Isn't she amazing?
她是谁？ Who is that?
我们美丽的宝贝女儿 It's our beautiful baby girl.
搞什么？ What the fuck?
用力跳，孩子！ 屁股翘起来 Whoo! Pop it, girl! Pop that P!
翘高 Pop it! Pop it!
你听见我说话没，小女孩？ 屁股抬高！ You hear me, young lady? Pop your pussy!
没关系，甜心！ 不需要翘高高！ It's okay, sweetie! You don't have to pop your pussy!
你看了所有的爸爸经 结果什么都没学到 You read all those books and you didn't learn shit!
你真是个很差劲的爸爸 You really shit the bed as a dad!
Unh!
加油，上、下、上、下 Here you go. Drip, drop. Drip, drop.
- 我知道 - 不要 - I know... - No!
看着我的手指 Look at my finger. Look at my finger.
给我一百块，赶快下车 You need to give me a hundred bucks and get the fuck out of my car right now.
好，拿去！ Okay! Here!
出去 Get out.
你在干嘛？ What are you doing?
我不知道怎么回事 走吧，快离开 I don't know what's happening. Let's go. Let's just bail.
手机关掉，你会吵醒她 Turn your phone off. You're gonna wake her up.
我搞不清楚怎么回事 我压根没听过这首歌 I don't know what's happening. I don't know this song.
- 关掉 - 哈罗？ - Turn it off. - Hello?
哈罗？ Hello?
嗨，妈，我是小西 Hey, Ma. It's Chrissy-poo!
我的天，克里斯！ Oh, my God! Chris!
嘿！ Hey.
老天，伊森！ Oh, my God! Ethan!
你们在干嘛？ What are you guys doing?
- 圣诞快乐！ - 给你一个大惊喜！ - Merry Christmas. - Surprise.
这简直… This is...
你们饿了吗？ 我去热点吃的 Are you hungry? I can heat up some food.
- 太好了！ - 不用 - Yeah. - No, no, no.
你肯定饿了 Yes, you are. Yes, you are.
甜心 Sweetheart.
- 你身上都是大麻的味道 - 才没有 - Oh, you smell like weed. - No.
艾萨克，还要再多一点肉饼吗？ - More meatloaf, Isaac? - Huh?
不用了 Um, no, I'm okay.
麻烦再来一点夏敦埃酒 Could I perhaps have some more chardonnay...
让我的药效消退一些 ...to wash down my medication, please?
当然 Of course.
谢谢你 Thank you.
伊森，你最近好吗？ So, Ethan, what's going on with you?
Uh...
还好，还不错 Not a lot. Just feeling good.
有对象了吗？ You got somebody special in your life?
还没 No.
他之前交往的女生 今天碰巧遇上了 There was a young lady that he used to date that he ran into today...
我觉得她很优质 ...that I thought was pretty damn awesome.
- 是吗？发生什么事？ - 很复杂 - Yeah? What happened? - It's a long story.
一点也不复杂，她想定下来 但他不肯见她父母 Not that long. She wanted to get serious, but he wouldn't meet her parents.
她想要搬进一起住 She wanted to move in...
你说你还没有准备好 ...and you said you weren't in the right head place for her to move in.
真是胡说八道 That's some straight-up bullshit.
妈，来击个掌 Give me some, Ma.
好、好、好 Okay, okay, okay.
现在是怎样 联合起来对付我？ What, are you guys ganging up on me now?
你喜欢这女孩吗？ You like this woman?
是啊，她很棒 Yeah, she's awesome...
但他忽略了一整个 过去所发生的事情 ...but there's a whole history here that he's brushing over.
你想要她回心转意？ You want her back?
当然想 Yeah. I do.
如果你想得到这女孩 你得为她努力 If you want this woman, you're gonna have to work for her.
但你非常幸运 因为刚好是圣诞节 But you happen to be very lucky, because it's Christmas.
圣诞节充满了魔力 And there's magic in the air at Christmas.
大家的心会敞开 想要原谅 People's hearts are open. People want to forgive.
想要爱 People want love.
我会利用这个时机 I'd take advantage of that shit.
找个机会牢牢抓住 - Find the opportunity, and seize it. - Thank you, Mrs. Roberts.
谢谢你，罗伯斯太太
我差点忘记 我还需要一些大头照 I almost forgot, I'm gonna need some more headshots.
（詹姆斯 滑动回话）
某个叫詹姆斯的大雕？ Huh. A dick from someone named James?
他名字出现在我手机上 一定是我认识的人，是哪位？ His name is on my phone, I must know him. Who is he?
（詹姆斯 你喜欢吗？）
我喜欢吗？ 这什么意思？ Do I like it? What does that mean?
也许是同事詹姆斯麦可佛利 Oh, man. Maybe it's James McFoley from work.
我的老天 Holy shit.
这家伙真是金箍棒 This guy's a grower and a shower.
（詹姆斯 现在更喜欢了吧？）
现在更喜欢？老天 这只雕够屌吧 Do I like it more now? Jesus. I mean, it's a dope dick.
（很屌的雕）
（谢了，想要吗？） 我想要吗？ Do I want it?
（我当然想拥有这么大的雕） 谁不想要这么大的雕？ Who wouldn't want a dick that looks like that?
（你想要来一口吗？）
我想来一口？老天 Do I wanna suck it? Oh, man.
Uh...
我得开始把姓氏都放进通讯录 I'm gonna start putting people's last names on my contacts.
（才不要 我这辈子没吃过雕肉）
（你没吃过雕肉？） No, I've never sucked a dick but, well, if I'm being totally honest with myself...
我没吃过雕肉 但要是老实说
（有一年夏令营，我摸过一个家伙 但就仅于此而已）
该死，我干嘛跟他说？ Damn it, why'd I tell him that?
这个詹姆斯太好聊了 我对他说太多 This James guy is just so easy to talk to. I told him too much.
（你说你没吃过雕肉 但今晚就能吃到了）
老天，别再聊了 Man, I guess that settles it.
艾萨克格林柏格今晚 第一次吃雕肉 Isaac Greenberg is sucking his first dick tonight.
他跟你提过他们用他的名字 来命名一个公园？ Did he tell you that they've named a park after him?
有个以你名字命名的公园？ You're gonna have a park named after you?
我向市政府申请，获得同意 I petitioned the city, I got the signatures...
现在布鲁克林有个小小游乐公园 ...and now there's gonna be the sweetest little playground in Brooklyn...
以他的名字命名 ...that's named after him.
公园不太好吧 里面有会有街友 The park is not that nice! There are crackheads and...
甜心，他们会处理掉 Sweetheart, they're gonna clean that up.
各位，我们该动身了 不然会错过派对 We should get ready to go, guys. We have to move. We're gonna miss the party.
- 没错 - 我把这些打包起来 - That's true. - Why don't I just wrap all of this up.
你们带到收容中心 You guys can take it down to the homeless shelter.
就在不远处 他们会很感激的 It's only a few blocks away. I'm sure they'd appreciate it.
妈，你说得没错 You're right, Mom.
你们真是太贴心了 谢谢你们过来 You boys are so sweet. Thank you for coming.
- 要帮我到厨房清理一下？ - 好 - Wanna help me in the kitchen? - Okay.
罗伯斯太太 非常感谢您招待的晚餐 Thanks so much for dinner, Mrs. Roberts.
别客气，甜心！ You're welcome, sweetheart!
老天，你搞什么？ Dude, what the fuck is going on with you?
- 你是同性恋吗？ - 不是！ - Are you gay? - No.
好奇而已？ Are you curious?
大家都好奇吧！ 但跟这有什么关系？ Everyone is! What does that have to do with this?
不知道，但你为何在看大雕？ I don't know. Why are you looking up dicks?
- 有人传雕图给我 - 有人传给你？ - Someone's sending me dicks. - Someone's sending you that?
你看，什么鬼对话 这家伙叫詹姆斯 Look, I'll show you. It's a fucking conversation. It's some guy named James.
非常有礼貌优雅的詹姆斯 传雕照给我 A very nice, eloquent man named James is sending me his penis.
还请我吃雕肉 And he wants me to suck on it.
我不知道该怎么办 吓死我了，我该怎么做？ I don't know what to do. I'm fucking freaking out. Do I do it? Should I do it?
这不是你的手机 This isn't your phone, man.
老兄，这不是你的手机！ Dude, this isn't your phone.
老天，这是莎拉的手机吗？ Oh, shit. Is this Sarah's phone?
- 不会吧 - 什么？ - Oh, no. - What?
她拿走我的手机 She has my phone.
没关系，我们认识她 可以拿回你的手机 It's okay, man. We know her. We can get your phone back.
我手机上有不好的东西 There's something bad on my phone.
明天你还会在附近吗？ You gonna be around tomorrow?
教会的人会很高兴见到你 还有你阿姨 Folks out at the church would love to see you. Aunt would too.
你知道我很忙 Um, you know I'm busy, so...
妈，我不想做那些事 I don't really like to do that stuff, Ma.
一下子而已 Won't take much time, Boo.
我知道，但明天一早飞机 I know. It's just I have an early flight...
我真的觉得很难过 得这么快就回去 ...and I really feel bad that I have to run back to work so fast.
但我事情超多 I just got so much stuff going on.
我现在是个名人了 I'm a celebrity now.
要在很多场合露面 忙不完的事情 I got appearances. I got all kinds of stuff I have to do, Ma.
我不能浪费时间 I can't just be lollygagging around...
见些老家伙 ...and meeting old people.
我爱你 I love you.
贝兹会从莎拉那里知道影片 Betsy is gonna get that tape from Sarah...
她会崩溃 ...and she's gonna freak the fuck out.
为何贝兹会拿到影片？ Why? Why would Betsy get the tape?
因为我古柯碱的血 流到她的杯子里 Because I put cocaine blood into her fucking drink.
没有人想喝古柯碱血 And no one wants to drink cocaine blood.
好，我打给她 Yeah. I'm gonna call her.
- 你怎么知道她的号码？ - 是你的手机号码 - How do you know her number? - It's your number.
我靠你了 I'm trusting you on this.
我根本搞不清楚这一切 我们在哪？ I don't understand what's happening. Where are we?
莎拉拿了你的手机 所以我打你的手机 Sarah has your phone. So I'm calling it.
我们现在在哪？ Where are we right now?
- 克里斯的家 - 搞什么？ - We're at Chris' house. - What the fuck?
你冷静一点，行吗？ You just stay calm, all right?
- 没事的 - 好的 - It'll be okay. - Oh, yeah.
好 Oh, yeah.
你喜欢吗？ You like that?
有个坏消息 Okay. Here's the bad news.
- 她没接电话 - 什么？ - She didn't pick up. - What?!
- 没事！ - 我咬到舌头！ - Everything's fine. - I bit my tongue.
那孩子需要上帝 That boy need Jesus.
他的确需要协助 He needs something.
没事的 It's gonna be okay, though.
你知道我会怎么做？我会打开 搜寻手机方位来找手机 You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna use Find My iPhone and find the phone.
正在下载，找到了，在城中 It's loading. There it is! It's in midtown.
你的手机在城中 没事的 - Your phone's in midtown. It's all good. - Ha-ha!
好了，没事 接下来呢 Okay. All right. So here's the thing.
我们去参加派对 因为莎拉会去参加派对 We're gonna go to the party, because Sarah's gonna go to the party.
各位，出发吧 Guys, let's go.
- 你注意安全 - 各位，保重 - You be safe. - Guys, be careful.
各位，走了！ Let's go, guys!
宝贝，等一下，我拿个袋子给你 等一下，你会需要袋子 Let me get you a bag. You're gonna need a bag. Wait up!
这家伙的雕超大 This guy's dick is off the charts.
嗨，我是你们的西罗 现在收容中心外 Yo, it's your man C-Rob coming at you live from outside the homeless shelter.
我们把火鸡送给街友 We delivering turkeys to homeless people...
这是个馈赠的季节 他们也会开心 ...because it's the giving season and they do be gobbling, you know what I mean?
如果你也正在过节 上我的西罗网站，标注无私的奉献 If you're in the season of giving, hit me up @Chrisrob11, hashtag "selfless giving."
记住要是没人知道 就不要行善了 And remember, it's not a good deed if no one knows about it.
又有一张雕照了，老兄！ - I got another dick, dude! - Uh, drink Red Bull.
喝罐红牛
老天，就是她！ Oh, shit. Look, man, it's her!
就是偷我大麻的超级性感粉丝 It's the super fan, sex maniac that stole my weed.
我们跟踪她 Come on, let's follow her.
我们不跟踪她，我们把食物送达 然后就去参加派对！ No, we're not gonna follow her. Let's just drop off the food and go to the party!
该死！她偷街友的钱！ Shit! Look! Now she's stealing from homeless people!
这样不对！ That's not right!
- 我得好好教训她 - 好吧 - Now, I'm going to teach her a lesson. - Okay.
嘿，你偷了我的大麻？ Hey! Did you steal my weed?
- 没有 - 刚刚看见你 - Uh, no. - We just saw you...
偷了街友的钱 而我的大麻又刚好不见 ...rob some homeless people and I'm missing my weed, so...
没错，我偷了你的大麻 You got me, I stole your weed.
但我不早就告诉过你 我是个鬼灵精 But I told you right away that I'm kind of a Grinch. Okay?
不爽就来找我 - Unh! - Ooh. Eat me, sheep.
你真是个鬼灵精 无名镇的镇长 You're an actual Grinch. You're like the mayor of Whoville.
我正在做件大事 I'm building a body of work.
跟随我圣诞英雄的脚步 I'm following in the path of my Christmas heroes:
鬼灵精、黏人强盗 《Die Hard》的汉斯格鲁伯 The Grinch, the Sticky Bandits, Hans Gruber from Die Hard.
我经过你身边 听见你正在谈论你的圣诞节计划 I walked by you and I heard you going on about your Christmas plans...
又是个足球明星 我就搜寻你的资料 ...and you're this football douche and I Google you...
结果中了！ 我假装是你的粉丝 Jackpot! I pretend to be a fan...
没错，我们炒饭 ...we have sex, yes.
然后我偷了你的大麻 And then I stole your weed.
现在是圣诞节 圣诞节不能偷别人东西 It's Christmas! You don't steal from people on Christmas.
大麻还给我 I just want my weed back.
你生气时还挺帅的 You're really cute when you get mad.
真可爱 That's cute.
我没想到我会喜欢你 This is the thing I didn't expect. To fucking like you, dude.
你真逗趣 You are so funny...
又帅又有才华 ...and talented, and handsome.
放轻松点，老兄！ And easy. My God, dude!
嘿！ Hey!
我绝对要抓到… I'm gonna fucking catch... Ah! Unh!
再见了，笨蛋！ Later, sucka!
她捉弄我！ She Home Alone'd me!
这些是小机器人？ Are these Micro Machines?
- 哇！ - 走吧 - Wow! - Let's go.
这女孩挺聪明的 Girl's a genius.
乔许，采油门，开车！ 我们得抓到那个女孩！ Josh, hit the gas! Go! We got to catch that girl!
开到街角右转！ 快点，追上她！ Go down to the corner and make a right! Hurry up, man! Chase her!
- 追谁？ - 那女孩偷了我的大麻，快点！ - Who? - The girl who stole my weed! Hurry up!
- 她偷了你的大麻？ - 是的 - She stole your weed? - Yeah.
那个婊子，我要杀了她 That fucking bitch. I'm gonna kill her.
快去抓她，宝贝！ Go get her, baby!
也不用这么快！ Not so fast!
各位，我的手机是那个方向！ Guys, my iPhone's that way!
我们得找到我的手机！ 是反方向，等一下！ We got to find my iPhone! It's the other direction! Wait!
慢点！ Slow down!
加速，别慢下来 你听我的，不准你慢下来！ Speed up! Don't slow down! If you're my guy, you won't slow down!
加速！ Hit the gas! Hit the gas!
快点 Let's go.
就是她！ There she is! There she is!
要抓到她了！ We got her! We got her!
红灯！ Red light, red light!
不，闯红灯 你是我的人吗？ No! You run that light! Are you my guy?
我是你的人 I'm your guy.
手给我 闯过红灯，宝贝！ Give me your hand! Go through that light, baby!
我搞砸了 Oh, I fucked up. I fucked up.
对不起 I'm sorry.
Unh! Oh!
- 我们还活着吗？ - 是的 - Are we alive? - Yeah.
瞧，那是雪橇 还是可以追上她 Look. Look, it's a sleigh. We can still get her.
别追了 直接去参加派对吧 No. Let's just go to the party, okay?
我们去坐雪橇！ We're going on a sleigh ride!
不，不要坐雪橇 No. We're not going on a sleigh ride.
快点，乔许亚！ Come on, Joshua!
（北极打烊了）
我要做前座！ Shotgun! Ha-ha-ha.
我要做前座！ Shotgun!
- 快点 - 你们知道这行不通吧 - Hurry up. - You guys know this can't possibly work.
当然行得通！ Of course it'll work!
- 去抓那只鬼灵精 - 去找我的手机！ - Let's get that Grinch! - Let's find my phone!
快走！ - Mush, motherfucker! - Whoa!
我卡住了！ I'm stuck!
我的手卡住了！ My hands are stuck!
不！ No, no, no!
该死！ Fuck!
糟了！ Shit, shit, shit!
Unh!
老兄！ Dude!
刚刚发生什么事情？ What happened just now?
他看起来没事 He's okay. He looks okay.
我们得走了，她往这边跑 要去找回大麻！ We have to go! She went this way! Let's go get this weed!
不，大麻就算了！ No. Forget about the weed, man.
我们不能分开 直接去参加派对吧 We're not gonna split up now. Let's go to the party.
不，你不了解，这真的很重要 是汤米要的大麻 No. You don't understand, man! It's really important! It's for Tommy.
不重要！ It's not important.
我们F线地铁见 I'll meet you at the F Train.
你相信这家伙变成这样？ You fucking believe this guy?
我的手机，很近了 我得走了 My phone! It's close! I got to go!
- 不，听我说 - 不，你听我说 - No. Listen to me. - No. You listen to me.
如果我死了 他们会在我丧礼播那段影片 If I die, they will play this video at my funeral!
- 好，你嗑药了！ - 对 - Okay! You're on drugs! - Yes!
- 脑袋不清楚 - 不清楚 - You're not making sense! - No!
- 相信我 - 好 - Trust me. - Okay.
我们要一起去参加派对 We're gonna stick together. And go to the party.
我们F线地铁见 I'll meet you at the F Train!
不，老兄，搞什么！ No! Dude! What the fuck!
这太疯狂了 This is crazy.
拜托，这怎么看？ Oh, come on. How does this fucking work?
搞不清楚 This is so confusing.
该死！ Fuck!
我看不清楚了 Ugh. My eyes aren't working.
什么混球发明了这东西？ What asshole invented this stupid thing?
- 嘿，打搅一下 - 嘿，老兄，你好吗？ - Hey, man. Excuse me. - Hey, dude. How's it going?
- 我叫艾萨克 - 嗨，艾萨克 - I'm Isaac. - Hi, Isaac.
不好意思打搅你 I hate to bug you.
我手机不见了，正在使用这程式 设法找到我的手机 I lost my phone, and I'm using this app to try to find it.
但我老是搞不清楚怎么用 I'm kind of having a hard time. It's confusing me a little bit.
你能帮我一下吗？ You think you can maybe help me out?
当然可以 帮我拿一下我的手杖 Sure, hold my cane for a second.
太棒了，没问题 我帮你拿一下手杖 Awesome. Sure, I'll hold your cane.
圣诞节快乐，艾萨克 Hey, Merry Christmas, Isaac.
你也圣诞快乐 Merry Christmas to you too, man.
谢谢 Thanks.
今晚真的太疯狂了 I've been having a pretty crazy night.
我要跟你说 我现在简直一团糟 I'm gonna level with you, I'm a little fucked up right now.
不会吧 - Heh-heh. No way. You don't say? - Yeah. Yeah.
真的
- 你叫什么名字？ - 史宾塞 - What's your name? - Spencer.
我家人在那边 That's my family over there.
嗨，我叫艾萨克，你好 Hi! I'm Isaac, nice to meet you.
- 你好吗？ - 嘿 - What's up, man? - Hey.
你养狗啊 You have dogs.
- 我能拍拍它们吗？ - 拍吧，它们很温驯 - Can I pet them? - Go ahead. They're fine.
- 谢谢你 - 不客气 - Thank you. - You're very welcome.
- 嗨，各位 - 艾萨克，你好吗？ - Hi, guys. - What's up, Isaac?
来拍拍我们 Come on and give us a pat.
老天，它们会说话 Oh my God, they talk! Ha-ha.
当然，所有的狗都会说话 Of course. All dogs can talk.
- 这里还有一只 - 好痒 - There's another one. - That tickles.
嗨，我爱你 Oh, hi. I love you.
伊萨克？ Isaac?
贝兹！ Betsy.
糟糕 Oh, shit.
嗨 Hi.
哇 Wow. Ha-ha-ha.
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
好了 Oh. Okay.
我绝对不会放掉你 I never wanna let go.
怎么了？ What's happening?
你跑到这里干嘛？ What are you doing here right now?
你跑进马槽布置场景里干嘛？ What were you doing in the nativity scene?
我跟史宾塞他们家人在一起 I was hanging out with Spencer and his family.
- 他们人真的很好 - 史宾塞？ - They're really beautiful people. - Spencer?
他们人很棒 而且家里是不同人种混血 They're great people. They're interracial.
亲爱的，你干嘛拿着手杖？ Why do you have the staff, honey?
现在到底怎么回事？ 我们在哪里？ What's happening right now? Where are we now?
这里是教堂，你记得吗？ This is the church. Do you remember?
- 你来参加教堂活动？ - 是的 - You're here for that? - Yes.
我告诉你你现在最好离开 And I'm just telling you right now that you need to go...
因为我家人正在付计程车钱 ...because my family is paying for the cab right now.
他们出现之前，你得速速离开 So you need to get out of here before they show up.
- 你家人也来了？ - 是的 - Your family is coming? - Yeah.
- 你从另一个方向离开 - 我该去哪里？ - So maybe go and run the other way. - Where should I go?
他们到达之前消失就是 快走 Just fucking go before they get here. Go.
我爱你，知道吗？ 我爱你 I love you. Okay? I love you.
- 好，我爱你，再见 - 好的，再见 - Okay. I love you. Bye. - All right, bye.
你非常贴心，再见 That's very sweet. Bye.
怎么又回来了？ 往那个方向走！ What are you coming back for? Just go that way!
我不知道要往… I don't know where...
不，别进教堂 No, no, no! Not inside the church.
快离开 Go, go, go.
快离开这里 Get the fuck out of here.
- 等一下，我认识他们，嗨！ - 嗨 - Wait. I know them. Hi! - Hi.
嗨！ Hi!
- 老天，瞧瞧你们 - 见到你真好 - Oh, my God! Look at you guys. - It's so good to see you!
帽子真可爱 What a hat.
你干脆一起来吧 一起来午夜弥撒 Why don't you come join us. Come on in for midnight mass.
不，这不太好 Oh, no. I don't think that's a good idea.
为什么不好？ Why not?
因为他今天晚上有个 朋友的聚会，是吧，艾萨克？ Because he's hanging out with his friends tonight. Right, Isaac?
- 我没看见其他人 - 我不知道他们现在人在哪里 - I don't see anybody. - I don't know where they are right now.
- 跟我们一起进来坐 - 我从没进过教堂 - Come sit with us. - I've never been in a church.
来吧 Come on.
好，是吗？ Okay. Yeah?
好，太棒了 回头里面见！ Yeah. Great! I'll see you in there!
我们一起做午夜弥撒 Let's go to midnight mass together.
好的，就照你说的 Okay. Yeah, if you say so.
帮我们留个位子 Save us a seat.
你现在情况有多糟糕？ How fucked up are you right now?
贝兹，我很好 我是你的巨石 I'm not fucked up at all, Betsy. I'm your rock.
你像是个裂开的巨石 You look like a crack rock.
我才没有，别这么说 你在生我的气？ I'm not. Don't say that. Are you mad at me?
- 没有，拜托你走好 - 我走得很好 - No, just walk normal, please. - I'm walking normal.
你才没有 No, you're not.
艾萨克，别放在那里 Don't put it there, Isaac. Okay.
不见了 And it's gone.
嗨，圣诞节快乐 Hi. Merry Christmas.
你要赋予尿尿生命吗？ Are you giving birth to piss?
老天，我只是小心 别尿到我的裤子 Oh, my God. I'm just trying not to shit my pants.
- 你的确该小心点 - 我该小心点？ - You should. - I should?
你直接尿了吧 为什么不行？ You should just do it. Why not?
我该尿在裤子里 I should just drop a deuce in my shorts.
尿啊 Just do it!
太棒了，又有两个 不在乎圣诞节的混球 That's great. Two more assholes that don't give a fuck about Christmas.
什么？ What?
你们在干嘛？ What are you guys doing?
圣诞老人趴，老兄！ Santa pub crawl, bro!
各位，圣诞老人 对很多人来说意义重大 Guys, Santa Claus is a very meaningful thing to a lot of people.
对很多孩子很重要！ A lot of children.
是这样子的，对于那些孩子来说 他们活在谎言里！ Here's the thing, man. For those kids, they're living a fucking lie!
是啊，残酷的现实 Yeah. Spoiler alert:
圣诞老公公不是这真的 你这充满敌意的小朋友 Santa's not real, you pricky infant.
这只是戏服而已！ This is a costume!
但当你穿上圣诞老公公的衣服 变成圣诞老公公 But when you put on that costume and you portray Santa Claus...
你就得表现他的价值 ...you're taking a solemn oath to represent certain values...
表现圣诞老公公的意义 ...that it represents!
你让我想起我有位 生气的小精灵 You know who you remind me of? One of my angry elves.
去你的，别叫我小精灵 Fuck! No. Look, don't call me an elf.
圣诞老公公，我骗他上钩了 I think you got him with that one, Santa.
去你的，〝别叫我小精灵〞 混球！ Fuck you, "don't call me an elf!" Motherfucker!
回去工作室 你是替我们卖命的，小精灵！ Get back to the workshop! You work for us, elf!
快滚回工作室去，小精灵！ - Go back to the workshop, elf! - Ha-ha-ha.
这小精灵在圣诞节 没有朋友一起过 This little elf has no friends on Christmas.
我朋友在那里 My friends are just down there.
在哪里？我们俩是朋友 穿着同样的衣服 Where are they? We're friends. We even dressed the same...
但你只有一个人 一个可怜虫 ...but you, you're all alone, just like a fucking dum-dum.
老天，要哭了吗？ Oh, my God. Are you gonna cry? Aw.
爸爸妈妈在圣诞节抛弃你了？ Did Mommy and Daddy leave you alone on Christmas?
该死！ Oh, shit!
这是教训你这么不尊重圣诞节 That's for disrespecting the spirit of Christmas!
去你的 Oh, fuck.
去你的 - Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Fuck you!
老兄，你是不是借题发挥 Man, this really feels like it's about something else here.
绝对不是，针对此事而已 It's about this and only this! Nothing else!
我觉得你的理智要蒸发了 I think you're sublimating, man.
我不想伤害你 I do not wanna hurt you, man.
不，我要揍他 他刚刚打了我一拳 No, no, no. I wanna hurt him. He sucker-punched me.
你们这些兄弟会人渣！ You fucking frat boys.
我是整形外科医生 I'm an orthopedic surgeon.
我是三年级老师 I teach third grade, bitch!
我培育国家未来的栋梁 I shape our nation's youth!
圣诞节到底怎么了？ What is with this holiday?
让大家脑袋都不清楚了 It just fucks with people's heads.
这对你很重要 This needs to be important to you.
- 手机响了 - 好 - It's ringing. - Okay.
嘿 Hey.
嘿！嗨！ Hey! Hi!
艾萨克拿了莎拉的手机吗？ Uh, does Isaac have Sarah's phone by any chance?
没错 Yeah, he has it.
- 他拿了手机 - 感谢老天 - He has it. - Thank God.
真是松一口气 So relax.
里面有很敏感的讯息 There is some very sensitive information on there.
里面有很敏感的讯息 手机上有什么？ It's incredibly sensitive. Wow, what's on the phone?
你不需要知道 You don't need to know.
派对如何？ 跟你想得一样蠢吗？ How's the party, huh? Is it as dumb as you thought it'd be?
事实上，非常棒 非常好玩 Actually, it's kind of amazing. It's really fun...
你该尽快来这里 ...and you should get here. Quickly.
什么？ What? Huh?
真的吗？ Really?
你要我去那里见你？ You want me to come there? To see you?
没错，快点 That's what I'm saying. Come on!
你又开始喜欢他了？ Do you like him again?
我们现在可以 Can we not have that conversation...
- 不谈这话题吗？ - 我只是随便问问 - ...right now? - I'm just saying.
好 Okay.
好，回头见了 Okay. We'll see you soon.
求祢今天赏给我们日用的食粮 Give us this day our daily bread
求祢宽恕我们的罪过 And forgive us our trespasses
Shh, shh, shh.
- 我在祷告 - 那是犹太人的教仪 - I'm praying. - I think that's a Jewish thing.
- 我不能在这里做？ - 不行 - I can't do that here? - No.
是同样的上帝 - It's the same God. - Uh-uh.
我做到了 I did it.
大家在干嘛？ What's everyone doing?
坐下 Sit. Sit.
坐下 Sit down.
- 太酷了 - 小声点 - This is so cool. - Shh, whisper.
- 我们不该参与吗？ - 不需要 - Are we supposed to participate? - No.
哈雷路亚！ Hallelu!
不是那种教堂 No. Not that kind of church.
不是吗？ No?
你是我的巨石对吧？ 你能当我的巨石吗？ You're my rock, right? Can you be my rock?
因为你此时像个奇怪的小石头 Because you're acting like a weird pebble.
好，我想我可以 Okay. I think I'm good.
当个巨石 Be a rock.
去你的 Fuck you.
这小孩有什么毛病？ What's up with this fucking kid over here?
什么？ What?
这小孩在干嘛？ What's this kid doing?
你看那边 Look over there.
别看这里，小子 Look away, dude. Look away.
别看了 - Hsss! - Stop.
别吓那个孩子 Please don't hiss at a kid.
他嘲笑我 He's fucking with me.
他根本没跟你说话 I don't think he's talking to you at all.
那家伙是谁？ Who's that guy?
那个家伙？ What guy?
- 十字架上的那家伙 - 耶稣！ - The guy on the cross. - Jesus.
- 喔，耶稣 - 别说话 - Oh, Jesus. - Stop it.
耶稣基督 Oh, Jesus Christ.
- 他们认为我们这么对他？ - 是的 - Is that what they think we did to him? - Yeah.
- 你看得出来我是犹太人吗？ - 可以 - Can you tell I'm Jewish? - Yes.
- 如何分辨？ - 你的毛衣 - How? - Your fucking sweater.
- 抱歉 - 艾萨克，别说话 - I'm sorry. - Isaac, stop talking.
♪ O Holy Night ♪♪
艾萨克，你在干嘛？ 别吐出来 你胆敢在这里吐 Isaac, what are you doing? Don't throw up. Don't you throw up here.
吞下去 Swallow it like a girl would.
吞下去 Swallow it.
吞了吗？ 让我看你嘴巴 Did you do it? Let me see your mouth.
别吐在我身上 - Ugh. - Don't throw up on me.
呕吐袋在哪里？ - Where's the barf bag? - There's no barf bags.
没有呕吐袋！
住手，艾萨克！ Stop it! No, stop it, Isaac!
我的耶稣老天 Jesus fucking Christ.
- 他吐了 - 是的 - He just threw up. - Yeah.
我的耶稣 Oh, Jesus, fuck me. Oh...
- 还在吐吗？ - 还在吐 - Is it still happening? - It's still happening a little.
我们没杀死耶稣！ We did not kill Jesus!
不是我们做的！ We did not do that!
你这鬼灵精 把大麻还我 Give me my weed, you Grinch!
该死！ Shit!
快还来！ Come on!
该死！ Fuck!
你到底想干嘛？ What the fuck are you doing?
不，是你想干嘛吧？ No, what are you doing, man?
你有朋友想跟你一起过圣诞节 You have friends who want to spend the holidays with you.
非常走运，你知道吗 You're lucky you have that.
你应该心存感激的 免得到时候失去而后悔莫及 You need to appreciate that before you lose them.
那才是你圣诞节该学到的 所以我才拿走这个 That's your Christmas lesson. That's why I'm taking this shit.
我孩子汉斯格鲁伯 就是这么死的 My boy Hans Gruber died like this.
不！ No!
搞什么？ What the hell?
- 救命！ - 艾萨克 - Help. - Isaac.
- 你在干嘛，老兄？ - 感谢老天 - What you doing, man? - Thank God.
老兄，我们得赶去派对 否则我铁定会离婚 Dude, we've got to get to this party or I'm gonna get fucking divorced.
帮帮我 这东西怎么弄？ Help me. How does this thing work?
用你的地铁卡，这边走 You got to use your MetroCard. Go this way.
- 快刷 - 等一下 - Do it, do it, do it. - Wait.
好，过去 All right. Go.
拿回大麻了吗？ Did you get the weed back?
事情变得很诡异 我不想说了 Shit got weird. I don't wanna talk about it.
拿回你的手机了吗？ Did you get your phone back?
还没，说来话长 你看，嘿！ No. Not at all. That's a long story. Look. Hey.
老天，你怎么了？ Oh, shit! What the fuck happened to you?
我被两个圣诞老公公揍 I got beat up by a couple of Santa Clauses.
你被揍？ You got beat up?
该死，什么时候的事？ Fuck. When?
什么时候？就在你们 丢下我离开不久啊 When? You know, a little bit after you guys ran off without me.
但他们干嘛要打你？ But why did they beat you up?
我不知道他们为何要打我！ I don't know why they beat me up!
他们抢你？ 拿走入场券了吗？ Did they mug you? Did they take the tickets?
不，他们没拿走入场券！ No, they didn't take the fucking tickets!
那他们干嘛这么做？ Then why would they do it?
不知道 I don't know.
你不知道？ 他们说了什么？ You don't know? Did they say anything?
就只是两个醉汉而已！ They're just a couple of drunk assholes!
要是你们没有丢下我 就不会发生这件事 Look, it wouldn't have happened if you guys didn't bail on me.
搞什么？ What the fuck is that?
现在别争论，别吵架！ Don't do this now. Please don't do this now!
你怎么了？ 为什么跟我们生气？ So what's up with you, man? Why are you mad at us?
只要你发生不好的事情 为什么都怪在我们头上？ Why you blame everything bad that happens to you on us?
我只是说这是我们 最后一次一起过圣诞节 I'm just saying this is the last chance we get to do this...
而你们却只顾着自己 ...and you guys are so wrapped up in your own shit...
一点都不在乎圣诞节 ...you don't really care about Christmas.
这话什么意思？ What does that even mean?
克里斯，你上回 看手机是什么时候？ When was the last time you checked your phone, Chris?
你确定你的名人朋友 Are you sure one of your famous friends...
不是叫你替他们跑跑腿？ ...isn't trying to get a hold of you asking you to fetch him something?
你之前不是很讨厌这种人 You used to hate guys like that.
我懂，我成功了 交了新朋友而你嫉妒 I get it. I get some success. I get some new friends and you're jealous.
看看你，你成功了？ Look at you. So you're a success?
你要讨论你的新成就？ You want to talk about your new found success?
我不想讨论 I don't need to talk about it.
你以为你两个最好的朋友 看不出来吗？ You don't think your two best friends see through that shit?
看出来什么？说明白 你看见什么，艾萨克？ See through what? Let's talk about it. What do you see, Isaac?
我什么都没看见 我不明白 I don't see anything. I don't see through anything.
你已经34岁了 You're 34 years old.
大部分的职业运动员 这年纪早就退休了 Most professional athletes retire right now...
但你却如日中天 怎么可能？ ...but you just got good. How is that?
练习 Practice.
我跟说过，新饮食 新的养生法 I told you. It was a new diet. A new regimen.
新的养生法？ 这是你的说词？ A new regimen? That's what you call it?
没错，就是我的说词 不然你怎么说？ Yeah, that's what I call it. What you call it?
我说是在你屁股上打针 I think I call it putting a needle in your ass. That's what I call it.
好，我承认 Okay. Fine.
我是在施打类固醇，又如何？ I'm on steroids, now what?
新闻报导：大家都服用类固醇 Newsflash: Everybody's on steroids!
你作弊 You're a cheater.
至少我为我的理想奋斗 At least I'm doing something with my life.
你呢？就这么坐着浪费生命 What about you? Sitting around wasting your fucking life away.
没女朋友、没有钱 No girlfriend, no money.
拜托，你的音乐没人听过 Dude, you make music that people have never heard.
这是我这辈子 看过最悲惨的事情 It's the saddest shit I've ever seen in my life!
你是认真的吗？ Are you fucking serious right now?
是！你得振作 告诉他，艾萨克 Yeah! You need to get your fucking life together. Tell him, Isaac.
你闭嘴！ 你简直毁了我的行程 You shut up! You're ruining my trip!
真是够了 It's really fucked up.
去你的 要参加我人生最棒的派对 Fuck this! Going to the best party of my life...
我才不穿这个道貌岸然的假毛衣 ...and I'm not wearing some pseudo-racist, fake-ass acrylic sweater!
- 毛衣别脱掉！ - 我就是要脱！ - Don't take off that sweater! - I'm taking the sweater off!
- 别脱掉毛衣 - 毛衣穿回去 - Don't take off the sweater. - Put the fucking sweater back on!
我就是要把毛衣脱掉 I'm taking the fucking sweater off!
蠢毙了 Stupid.
（食物超市）
有什么需要效劳？ May I help you?
Uh...
我有这些入场券 I have, uh, these tickets.
跟我来 Come with me.
快过来 Come on.
进去 Get in there.
能帮你们挂外套吗，各位？ May I take your coats, gentlemen?
上车！ All aboard!
♪ Everybody get down ♪♪
我去找欧文斯 I'm going to find Owens.
我得找到我的手机 Gonna find my phone.
我要去找黛安娜 I'm gonna go find Diana.
嗨，弥赛亚 现场的白耶稣 Oh, shit, Messiah, White Jesus in the building.
你好，西钱 C-Money in the hizzle.
- 你好吗 - 你终于来了 - Yo, man. - I see you made it.
我没办法帮你带大麻 事情有变化，你了吗？ I wasn't able to get the weed, man. Shit fell apart. You know what I mean?
我都忘记有问你 要来点大麻？ I forgot I even asked you. You want some weed?
抽点大麻吧 Have some weed.
但是…好吧 But... All right.
你有一堆大麻？ You got a whole fucking dump truck of weed?
让你玩到挂 Dro fo' sho'. Ha-ha-ha.
- 就是这里了？ - 没错，就是这里，宝贝 - So this it, huh? - Oh, this is it, baby.
胡桃钳舞会！ The Nutcracker Ball!
太棒了 Yeah!
紧急情况！ Having an emergency!
- 我的老天 - 莎拉！ - Oh, my God. - Oh. Sarah!
莎拉！ Sarah!
你开什么玩笑？ Are you fucking kidding me?
放开我！ 搞什么？ Get off of me! What the fuck, dude?
抱歉，我太高兴了！ I'm sorry! I'm just happy!
- 你满身汗 - 我知道，我很热，刚吃摇头丸 - You're so fucking sweaty. - I know. It's warm and I'm on Molly.
- 老天，这是我的手机吗？ - 这是你的手机，你有我的吗？ - Oh, my God! Is that my phone? - It is. Do you have my phone?
- 你的手机拿回去吧 - 长得一样 - Take your piece-of-shit phone back. - It's the same phone.
所以才会搞混 That's why we got them mixed up.
- 这里有很严重的资料 - 我知道 - But this has some serious shit on it. - I know.
等一下，你没看吧？ Wait. You didn't look at it, did you?
你没看我手机吧？ You didn't look at any shit on my phone, did you?
- 没有 - 很好 - No. - Good.
你没看我的手机吧？ You didn't look at anything on my phone, did you?
我只是想要告诉你 I just wanna tell you...
干得好 ...good job.
你看了我的手机 You did fucking look at my phone.
我不想，但讯息一直传进来 I didn't want to. The texts just were coming in.
你这人怎么回事？ What is the matter with you?
都试一堆美丽的雕照 超级大雕 All these gorgeous dick pics. A-plus dick pics.
- 真的很了不起 - 等等，真的？ - That's a boss hog. - Wait a second, really?
他雕不雄伟的时候 已经是我雄伟雕的两倍大 That dick soft is like two of my dicks hard.
你觉得 Do you think, like, it would be...?
我能处理吗？ Do you think I could, like, handle it?
我一度以为他要我处理 There was a moment where I thought he was wanting me to handle it...
然后我仔细想想 ...and I had to wrap my head around it for a second, and I thought to myself:
〝你知道吗？你出手 铁定能搞定那的坏家伙〞 "You know what? You hunker down, you could take that bad boy."
- 真的？ - 是的 - Really? - Yeah.
那个叫詹姆斯的家伙 他的雕真的很棒 That guy James, whoever James is, he's got a fantastic cock on him.
有人谈到〝雕〞吗？ Yo! Did somebody say "cock"?
你好吗？ Ha-ha-ha. What's up?
- 嘿 - 你们在讨论什么？ - Hey. - What are you guys talking about?
- 没什么 - 你好吗？兄弟，我是詹姆斯 - Nothing. - Hey, what's up, bro? I'm James.
- 我是艾萨克 - 你不需要见他 - I'm Isaac. - You don't need to meet him.
原来是你的雕！ That's your dick.
- 糟糕！ - 我就是拿这电话的人！ - Oh, shit! - I'm the guy who had the phone!
- 你见过我的雕？ - 看过吗？老天！ - You saw my dick? - Did I ever! Oh, my God!
他差点要吃我的雕肉 He almost sucked my dick.
如果我知道是你 我绝对肯，也许肯 I would have if I'd known it was you, maybe.
糟糕，你们俩是一对吗？ Oh, shit! Are you guys a couple?
- 不，我们只是朋友 - 我是第三者吗？ - No, no. We're friends. - Am I the third wheel?
不，你是第一者 No, no. You're the first wheel.
- 我是第三者？ - 绝对不是 - Am I the third wheel? - Not at all.
老实说，我整晚跟另外两个男人 在一起，跟他们争吵 I was with two other guys and now I'm in a fight...
是吗？另外两个男人？ Oh, really? Two other guys?
我喜欢跟另外两个男人瞎混 I'd love to hang out with two other people.
这是下挑战书吗？ Is that a challenge?
也许是 It might be! Yeah.
不知道我要从谁开始 但我绝对清楚最后落在谁手上 I don't know who I'm gonna start with, but I know who I'm gonna end with.
何不就现在开始吧 Well, let's get started right now!
- 你们想要跳舞吗？ - 我喜欢跳舞 - You guys wanna dance? - I would love to dance.
- 我喜欢跳舞 - 你想要跳舞？ - I would love to dance. - You wanna dance?
去跳舞吧 来吧，艾萨克！ Let's do it! Come on, Isaac!
老天，太棒了 简直就是天堂 Oh, my God. This is so nice! This is the best!
真开心！ What a turn of events!
怎么了？ What?
我的老天！ Holy fucking shit!
你是麦莉希拉 You're Miley Cyrus.
是的 Yeah.
不，你不了解 No, you don't understand.
我正在找个我喜欢的女孩 但她超爱你 I was just looking for this girl that I love, and she loves you.
老天，我有一次跟两个粉丝搞过 但感觉超级诡异 Oh, God, no. I did that with two fans one time. It got super awkward.
我不是这意思，抱歉 你不了解，不过也不错 That's not what I meant. Sorry, you don't understand. That'd be awesome...
但不是这意思 But, no, I just mean...
这一定是圣诞节的奇蹟 因为她一直谈论你 This has gotta be some kind of Christmas miracle, because she talks about you...
跟你的歌曲 ...and your song a lot.
我喜欢这个女孩，我今晚才明白 她是我这辈子的最爱 And I love this girl. I'm starting to realize, tonight, she's the love of my life.
我希望今晚是我跟她的特别夜晚 And I wanted tonight to be sort of a special night for me and her.
- 今天既然你在这里 - 你今晚想要求婚？ - Now you're here and... - You want to propose tonight?
老天，太浪漫了 这是我听过最美好的事情 Oh, my God! That is so romantic. That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard.
我只是觉得 你可以为她唱首歌 I mean, I was just thinking you could like dedicate a song to her.
拜托？你得求婚！ What? You gotta propose.
拜托，今晚是圣诞节 搞大一点吧 Come on! It's Christmas. It's like, go big or go fucking home!
你爱这女孩吧 你不是说你爱她？ I mean, you love this girl. You say you love her, right?
是，但我不知道 今晚是否时机恰当… Yeah. But I don't know if tonight's the right time for...
老天，你是那种 老是找藉口的男人吗？ Oh, God. Are you one of those guys that are always making up excuses?
我恨透这种男人 I fucking hate those kind of guys.
不，麦莉希拉 我不是那种人 No, Miley Cyrus, I'm not one of those guys.
好，别当个胆小鬼 跟她求婚！ All right, then don't be a pussy! You got to propose to her!
空气里弥漫着奇蹟 大家都想恋爱 There's all this magic in the air, people want to fall in love.
好，我会求婚！ Okay. Okay. Then I will.
如果看得到预兆 这就是了！ This is a sign if I've ever seen a sign.
- 一定会超棒的 - 我会求婚！ - It's gonna be fucking awesome. - I'm gonna propose!
你来求婚，我来帮你 Yeah, you're gonna propose. And I'm gonna help you out.
我们准备求婚！ 老天，我们要准备求婚！ We're gonna propose! Oh, my God! We're gonna propose!
我们要准备求婚！ 太好了 - We're gonna propose! Okay! - Uh-huh.
麦莉希拉，这是别人为我 做过最棒的事情 Miley Cyrus, this is the nicest thing that anyone's ever done for me!
你别再叫我麦莉希拉 You gotta stop calling me Miley Cyrus.
- 我该叫你什么？ - 汉娜 - What should I call you? - Hannah.
开玩笑，我喝醉了 来吧 Just kidding. I'm drunk. Let's do this thing!
- 你好吗？ - 嘿，克里斯 - What's up, man? - Hey, Chris.
- 嘿，你好 - 嘿，你好吗，老K？ - Yeah, what up, boy? - Hey, what's up, K?
嘿，跑腿男 你的跑腿男 Hey, Reverend Run, man. It's your boy, Reverend Run.
什么意思？ What that supposed to mean?
嘿，弥赛亚 好好看一下 Hey, Messiah. Check this shit out, dude.
- 拜托，是你吗？ - 搞什么？ - Oh, shit. Is that you? - The fuck is that?
不是，只是喜愿基金会做慈善而已 Nah, it was a Make-A-Wish thing, man.
两个有克隆氏症的孩子 希望我跟他们一起唱歌 Those two kids have Crohn's disease. It was their wish to do karaoke with me.
老天，你简直跟他们一样 变成白人了 Man, damn dog, you look just as white as they do.
- 你是哪一个？ - 看看他们穿的毛衣！ - Yeah, which one are you? - Look at that sweater!
我跟上你了！ I got you! I got you! I got you!
老天！ Oh, man!
- 太棒了 - 太棒了 - Yeah! - Yeah.
- 你超会跳舞，老兄 - 谢了 - You're a great dancer, man. - Oh, thanks, dude.
非常感谢，我吃了摇头丸 现在正在兴头上 Appreciate it. I'm pretty high on Molly right now.
我也很开心 I'm high too. I'm high too.
- 我很喜欢你的胡子 - 谢了，老兄 - I am digging this beard. - Thanks, man.
- 地毯跟窗帘搭配吗？ - 是的，非常多 - Yo, carpet match the drapes? - Yeah, I got a big bush.
我上下都多毛 - Ha-ha-ha. - My carpet matches my drapes.
老天，这家伙，简直是大猩猩 Yeah. Look at this guy! He's furry all over! Ha-ha.
非常好！ Whoo! Nice!
你得离开了 你简直是雕的栅栏 You need to get the fuck out of here. You're being a huge Cockblock.
我才不是 I'm not being a Cockblock.
- 你是 - 你在胡说什么？ - Yes, you are! - What the fuck are you talking about?
我不觉得我拦得住他的雕 得要十个人才能完成这件事 I don't think I could block this guy's cock. It'd take ten men to block that thing.
- 圣诞快乐，纽约市！ - 老天，麦莉在这里？ - Merry Christmas, New York City! - Oh, no. Miley's here?
麦莉希拉？ Miley Cyrus?
抓牢你的心，捆绑我们俩 却徒劳无功 ♪ We clawed, we chained Our hearts in vain ♪
突然一切变调 ♪ We jumped ♪
不曾了解原因 ♪ Never asking why ♪
- 太棒了！ - 太酷了！ - This is great! - This is so cool.
黛安娜在哪里？ 这是我们的歌 Where's Diana? This is, like, our song.
无法否认我们的爱依然存在 ♪ A love no one could deny ♪
好了，各位 接下来交给我的朋友 All right, everybody, give it up to my friend.
你叫什么名字来着？ What the fuck is your name again?
- 伊森 - 伊森！ - Ethan. - Ethan!
千万别说要离开 ♪ Don't you ever say I just walked away ♪
我永远都需要你 ♪ I will always want you ♪
我忘词了 ♪ I forgot these words ♪
没关系 ♪ Doesn't matter though ♪
我永远需要你 ♪ I will always want you ♪
失控的冲击像颗拆墙的铁球 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
我从未如此剧烈的直击爱情 ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
试着拆掉你的防卫 ♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪
而你只试着将我击溃 ♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
就是你 ♪ Yeah, you ♪
将我击溃 ♪ You wreck me ♪
是的 Yeah!
黛安娜 Diana...
老兄，你能靠边闪吗？ Yo, dude, can you move?
戴红帽的，走开 是的，谢谢 In the red. Move. Yeah, thanks.
黛安娜 Diana...
听着，我知道 虽然我们分手了 ...listen, I know we're not really even going out anymore...
是因为我不愿意承诺 ...and that's because I wouldn't commit.
- 这太疯狂了 - 但我准备用心承诺 - This is crazy. - But I'm ready to commit. Hard.
我准备承诺 ♪ I'm ready to commit ♪
就像是拆墙的铁球 Hard like a wrecking ball.
你是我生命里最美好的 You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, girl.
让我笑、超酷 而且蛮不在乎 You make me laugh. You're cool as hell. You don't take any shit.
都不在乎 ♪ None of his shit ♪
你比我还聪明 You're smarter than I am.
- 我可能不值得拥有你 - 太浪漫了 - You're probably better than I deserve. - This is so romantic.
但如果不勇敢就回家去 对吧，麦莉？ But go big or go home. Right, Miley?
别退缩，小伊 No, E.
不勇敢就回家去 ♪ Go big or go home ♪
当我让你离开是我不对 When I let you go, that was just me fucking up...
但我再也不会让你离开 再也不会了 ...but I don't wanna ever let you go again. Not now, not ever.
绝对不会在伟大的圣诞节让你离开 And definitely not on fucking Christmas!
伟大的圣诞节 ♪ On fucking Christmas ♪
黛安娜，就是现在 So this is it, Diana.
- 人生只有一次，兄弟 - 别鼓励他，詹姆斯 - Only live once, bro! - Stop encouraging him, James.
你愿意嫁给我吗？ Will you marry me?
Aw.
答应啊 Say yes. Yes.
- 好 - 太棒了！ - Yes. - Yeah!
- 太棒了 - 太棒了 - Fuck! - Yes!
失控的冲击像颗拆墙的铁球 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
我从未如此剧烈的直击爱情 ♪ I never hit so hard in love ♪
试着拆掉你的防卫 ♪ All I wanted Was to break your walls ♪
而你只试着将我击溃 ♪ All you ever did was wreck me ♪
失控的冲击像颗拆墙的铁球 ♪ I came in like a wrecking ball ♪
我得赶快去找我朋友 失陪了 Okay, I gotta go find my friend real fast. Excuse me.
我闭上眼然后击垮一切 独自蜷缩在烈焰与崩塌之中 ♪ I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall ♪
我马上回来 I'm gonna be right back.
你们保持冷静 Y'all stay black.
- 嘿 - 什么事？ - Hey. - Yeah?
这么浪漫的事情让我欲火焚身 All this romance is getting me really hot.
你想回饭店房间去吗？ You wanna go back to the hotel room?
我想你有可能是个同性恋 Hey, I feel like you might be gay.
- 我现在还不是 - 好吧 - Not right now, I'm not. - Okay.
- 好的 - 好 - All right. - Okay.
我的老天 Oh, my fucking God! Oh, my God!
我的老天 这是我们俩一生中最棒的夜晚 Oh, my God! This is the greatest night of our lives!
- 太疯狂了 - 的确是吧？ - That was crazy. - That's so crazy, right?
抱歉，没有戒指 我保证会买戒指给你 Listen, I'm sorry about the ring. I'll get you a ring, I promise.
明天可以去买 We can do that tomorrow.
不，伊森 我不会嫁给你 No, Ethan, I'm not going to marry you.
什么意思？ What do you mean?
我们根本没在一起 We're not even together.
我们三个月没说过任何话 I haven't even spoken to you in, like, three months!
没错，我在台上说了 Yes, I addressed that in the speech.
我知道，然后你出现在这里 当着好几百个人面前 I know, and then you show up here and you propose to me...
跟我求婚 ...in front of hundreds and hundreds of people.
太疯狂了 That's crazy.
等一下，对不起 我们不结婚？你拒绝？ Wait, I'm sorry. We're not getting married? This is a no?
没错，我拒绝 No! It's a no! No!
我非常遗憾你目前经历太多事情 I'm so sorry that you're clearly going through a lot right now.
很遗憾你朋友不想再跟你 一起共度圣诞节 I'm sorry that your friends don't wanna hang out with you on Christmas.
我了解你很难接受 I understand that that's hard for you.
但这不是你把我 当生命线抓住的理由 That is not a reason for you to grab onto me like I'm your lifeline!
那你干嘛答应？ Why'd you say yes?
我答应是因为大家都看着我 I said yes because everybody was looking at me.
我答应是因为麦莉 想要我答应！ I said yes, because Miley clearly wanted me to say yes!
我不希望麦莉以为我 讨厌爱情！ And I didn't want Miley to think that I hated love!
这能体会 That's understandable.
我也不想 I wouldn't want that either.
听着 Okay, look, I...
我只是以为这是你希望我做的 I was really just trying to do what I thought you wanted me to do...
而且因为我爱你 ...and that's because I love you.
已经三个月了 但我并没有停止爱你 It's been three months, I haven't stopped.
我不会停下来 I'm not gonna stop.
我不是你的答案 I'm not your answer...
至少现在不是，伊森 ...right now, Ethan.
等一下，别这样 我们可以谈谈？ Wait, wait. No, no. Can we talk?
老天！嗨！ Oh, my God! Hi!
- 你是汤米欧文斯！ - 是的，谢谢你 - You're Tommy Owens! - Yeah, yeah, thank you.
你就是弥赛亚！ You're the Messiah!
真的是你弥赛亚！ 去年你拯救我的梦幻团队！ You really are the Messiah! You saved my fantasy team last year, bro!
- 我是你的超级粉丝 - 好的，很高兴知道你是 - I'm a huge fan of yours. - All right, that's good to know.
晚安 You have a good night.
- 你好高大 - 幸会，老兄 - You're big in real life. - Pleasure, man.
你能帮个忙吗？ Look, can you help me out?
我们有个共同的朋友，克里斯 We have a friend in common. Chris.
- 我在找我朋友伊森 - 糟糕 - I'm looking for my buddy Ethan. - Oh, shit.
- 嘿！ - 抱歉！ - Hey! - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
对不起 I'm sorry, I got it. I got it.
Unh!
不 Oh, no.
- 抱歉 - 你没事吧？ - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - Are you okay?
这是玻璃，你干嘛捡？ Hey, it's glass, man. Why you picking it up?
我只是想帮忙而已 I'm just trying to help out, man.
- 快点 - 糟糕 - Come on. - Oh, shit!
我的老天！ Holy shit!
对不起！ I'm sorry!
犹太人把弥赛亚钉在墙上 - Ah! - The Jewish guy crucified the Messiah!
就是那个跳舞的犹太佬 It was rabbi-dancing motherfucker!
又来了 - Ah! - It's happening again.
伊森！黛安娜！ Ethan! Ethan! Diana!
恭喜！ Congratulations!
- 不，别恭喜我了 - 什么？怎么回事？ - No! Stop congratulating me! - What? What happened?
去找伊森聊聊吧 Just go talk to Ethan.
糟了 Shit.
我很抱歉，他不会有事 I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I think he's gonna be fine.
拜托，打他！ Please, punch him in the face!
我以为弥赛亚充满宽恕！ I thought the Messiah preached forgiveness!
看着我，混球 你有什么毛病？ Look at me, asshole. What the fuck wrong with you?
- 你是哪根葱？ - 他是我朋友！ - Who the fuck are you? - Hey. He's my friend!
退后，老兄！ Back off, man!
聪明点就退后 Yo! Back the fuck up, all right?
怎么来真的？ 有种打打看 Oh, shit just got real, huh? Yeah, go ahead and punch him, man.
八卦新闻一定超爱 TMZ will love that shit.
我有全世界最大的手机 I got the biggest motherfucking phone on the planet.
你的行为10分钟内就能直播 And your ass will be trending in 10 minutes.
这里谁有跟我的帐号？ Who in here follow Chrisrob11?
手放下 Put your fucking hands down!
- 他的社群网站经营得很夸张 - 非常夸张 - His social media game is crazy! - Crazy!
快跑 Run.
快离开，不！ Go, go. Get out. No! No!
太好了！ Yeah! Ha-ha.
- 不 - 我是律师 - No, no! - I'm a lawyer! I'm a lawyer!
- 奇蹟的夜晚，是吧？ - 老天，吓我一跳 - Magical night, isn't it? - Jesus. You scared me.
格林先生 Mr. Green.
今晚你可真是无处不在 Man, you're everywhere tonight.
我都在这个派对结束每个圣诞节 I end every Christmas at this party.
什么意思？ 你怎么进来的？ What do you mean? How do you get in?
这是我的派对 It's my party.
什么？ What?
大概20年前 About 20 years ago...
我读了《The Great Gatsby》 ...I read The Great Gatsby.
我超喜欢这本书 I love that book.
电影还好，3D让我头痛 Movie's all right, 3D gives me a headache...
但我很喜欢李奥 ...but I'm a sucker for Leo.
所以这家伙 So this guy...
举办这些派对 但没有人知道他的身份 ...he throws all these parties and nobody knows who he is.
我想〝这太酷了〞 I thought, "Wow, that's pretty fucking cool."
我亲戚赖瑞在布鲁克林 拥有这间大的仓库 My cousin Larry's got this giant warehouse in Brooklyn...
反正我圣诞节也没休息 干嘛不来搞一个 ...figured I'm working on Christmas anyway, so I should do it too.
一开始规模很小 We started out pretty small.
只有潘趣酒跟一些雪橇铃铛 Just a punch bowl and some sleigh bells...
但每年越办越大 今年我们加了火车 ...and it gets bigger and bigger every year. This year we added that train.
- 加上通过隧道的灯 - 是的 - Through the trippy tunnel of lights. - Yeah.
- 进场的方式超屌吧？ - 是的 - Cool way to enter a party, right? - Yeah.
你觉得麦莉如何？ Hey, what'd you think of Miley?
她很棒 Yeah, she was great. She was great.
伊森，你跟我很清楚 麦莉非常完美 Ethan, you and I both know, Miley was flawless.
你有心事 Something's bugging you.
你的朋友 他们不会离开你 Your friends, they ain't gonna leave you.
他们需要你 They need you, kid.
你怎么知道？ How do you know about that?
抽一口吧 Smoke this.
不，我还好 现在会大麻让我失控 Nah, I'm good, man. Weed makes me paranoid now.
这是生命手杖 This is the staff of life.
好吧 Okay. Heh, heh, heh.
你现在让我觉得怪怪的 You're making me a little uncomfortable.
有人说我安静时 会让人害怕 I've been told my quiet intensity has that effect on people.
但有时候 But sometimes...
感觉不舒服是件好事 ...being uncomfortable can be a good thing.
管他的，谢了 Fuck it. Thanks.
♪ Silent Night ♪
♪ Holy Night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
- 嘿 - 嘿，老兄 - Hey. - Hey, man.
- 什么事，老兄？ - 你们怎么来了？ - Sup, dude? - What are you guys doing here?
我们只是想你需要人陪一下 We just thought maybe you'd wanna hang out.
来点人气 Some company or something.
- 只是来打声招呼 - 好，打声招呼 - Just say what's up. - Yeah, just say what's up.
酷 That's cool.
我在收拾行李 I'm packing all this shit up.
老家伙东西都很多 你们还记得吧 Old people have so much stuff. You guys remember that.
总是有些东西得丢掉 You have to throw things away in life.
没错 For sure.
- 要玩任天堂吗？ - 好，任天堂64？ - Play some Nintendo? - Yeah, N64?
我只想休息一下 I think I'm just gonna chill here.
我很感谢你们过来 但我想我还是… I appreciate you guys coming over, but I think I'm just gonna...
不行，不行 今天是圣诞节 No, man. Fuck that, dude. It's Christmas.
不准你一个人在家 我们出去走走 You can't be alone. Let's hang out.
去我妈那里，去玩〝黄金眼〞 Go to my mom's house. Play some "GoldenEye."
走吧，我还带了威士忌 Come on. Look, I got some whiskey.
我从我哥那里偷些草来 放进这管子里 I stole some hash from my brother. Rolled it in this doobie.
我们好好放松一下 We get pretty fucked up. Heh, heh.
我很抱歉 I'm sorry.
- 没关系 - 没事 - No. It's cool. - It's all good.
没事的 It's okay, man.
我好想他们 I just miss them.
我们也想他们 We miss them too.
是的 Yeah, man.
但你知道吗？ But you know what?
我们是你新的家人 We're your new family now.
我当你爸爸 克里斯当你妈妈 I'll be your daddy, Chris'll be your mommy.
不，我当爸爸 你当妈妈 No, I'm gonna be the daddy, you be the mom.
你们真是好朋友 You guys are good friends.
你随时需要我们 我们都在 We'll be here whenever you need us, man.
一直都在你身边 Always, man.
永远在你身边 Yeah, always there for you, bro.
你不能在这里抽 You can't smoke that in here.
你不能在里面抽 You can't smoke that in here.
我还以为现在可以了 Figure we can now.
- 是啊 - 是啊 - Yeah. - Yeah.
- 太疯狂了 - 有什么好藏的？ - Fuck, that's crazy. - What we hiding this for?
抽一口 Take a hit, dude.
像在家一样无拘无束 A little bit for the homeys.
外面也很冷 It's so cold outside too.
我们该去 洛克斐勒中心的圣诞树那里 We should go to Christmas Tree at Rockefeller Center.
- 没错 - 好主意 - Ho-ho. Yes. - That's a good idea.
然后我们去玩具公司 Then we go to FAO Schwarz...
在钢琴上跳舞！ We dance on the piano!
- 就像《Big》的汤姆汉克 - 像《Heart and Soul》一样 - Like Tom Hanks in Big. - "Heart and Soul."
然后去吃中国菜 因为我超嗨 Then we eat Chinese food, because I'm fucking high.
然后去中国餐馆旁边的 卡拉OK店 And then go to the karaoke spot right by the Chinese food place.
太好了 - That's a fucking good idea. - Heh, heh, heh.
真是美好的夜晚 It's a dope night.
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪♪
真的很感人 That was fucking touching, yo.
这是你一辈子的家人 Those are some ride-or-die homeys you got there.
好好珍惜 Cherish that shit.
现在都不同了 It's all different now.
那些人不需要我了 Those guys don't need me anymore.
是吗？听着 Oh, yeah? Listen.
我们需要他 不能丢下他就走了！ We need him! We're not leaving without him!
他是我全世界最好的朋友 我不能把他丢在这里 He's my best friend in the whole world. I can't leave him here.
别被这些红鼻子骗了 这些人是狠角色 Don't let the red noses fool you, these fuckers are tough.
我跑进去，你爬窗户如何？ What if I run in, and you try to climb in a window?
你抬我上去，就能绕过他们 Maybe if you boost me up we can get around them.
我抬不了你，你太重了 No, I can't boost you, you're too heavy, man.
我们需要我们的朋友 绝对不会丢下他！ We need our friend and we'll never leave him behind!
- 麋鹿，把他交出来 - 嗨！ - Hand him over, reindeer! - Yo!
我来处理，你去 I'll charge and you go.
- 他在那里！ - 嘿！ - There he is! - Hey!
感谢老天，我们到处找你！ Thank God, we've been looking everywhere for you!
鲁道夫修理我们！ Rudolph is kicking our ass!
- 我在这里！ - 下来吧，我们走了 - I'm here! - Get down here so we can go!
我马上下去 Here I come!
快过来 Come around!
我拿到你的鼻子！ - I'm fucking... I got your nose! - Yikes.
我拿到你的鼻子，混球！ I got your nose, asshole!
鲁道夫，怎么样？ How about that, Rudolph? Huh?
- 谢谢你，格林先生 - 不客气 - Thanks, Mr. Green. - You're welcome.
你干了件蠢事 It was a pretty dumb thing you did.
我知道，我脑袋不清楚 I know. I didn't think it through at all.
我看见她在酒吧 I just saw her at the bar and just...
不知道，我真的喜欢她 I don't know man, I really, really like this girl.
我忍不住 I can't help it.
我很怕一个人 接着就做出蠢事 I was scared of being alone and did some stupid shit.
交往两年后，她只是要你做些 I think she just wanted you to do...
一般正常男友都会做的事情 ...some normal shit that boyfriends do after two years of dating.
我不正常，你很清楚 我不正常 But I'm not normal. You know this. I'm not normal.
一堆不正常的事 都发生在我身上 Bunch of abnormal shit happened to me.
不知道，也许只是藉口 Or, I don't know, maybe that's just an excuse.
我很会找藉口 I guess I'm pretty good at making excuses.
- 是的 - 一直都是 - Yeah. - All the time.
要是能靠这赚钱 你铁定削翻了 If you get paid for that you'd be really successful.
你干嘛不跟我说？ Why didn't you tell me?
很难启齿 You know, it's hard to tell someone.
你找藉口有其原因 You have a good reason to be making excuses.
会毁了你的生活 It's just kind of ruining your life.
越老越难维持友谊 It's harder to stay friends with people when you're older.
你自己有太多事情 You have so much of your own shit going on.
我们得更努力 We'll just have to try harder.
这很重要 It's important, you know?
拜托 - Come on. - Heh, heh, heh.
我真的爱你们 I really love you.
我很爱你们 I love you a lot.
谢了，老兄 Thanks, man.
糟糕 Oh, no.
- 惨了 - 怎么回事？ - Oh, no. - What's up?
96通未接电话 I have 96 missed calls.
死定了 - Ha-ha-ha. - Holy shit.
- 肯定是贝兹要生了 - 才不是 - Oh, no, Betsy's gone into labor, I bet. - No.
不然她干嘛打这么多通电话？ 又打来了 Why the fuck would she call that many times? Oh, no, she's calling again.
喂？ Hello?
喂？是的，好 Hello? Yes. All right.
好的，很好 All right. That's fine.
我尽快到达，别担心 Uh, I will be right there. As fast as I can. Don't worry.
贝兹要生了 Betsy's going into fucking labor.
- 什么？ - 什么？ - What? - Ah!
不会吧！ Oh, no! Oh, no!
- 快点！ - 不会吧 - Come on! - Oh, no!
这里叫不到计程车 We'll never get a fucking cab over here!
等等，你看！ Wait, look!
格林先生的车！ 圣诞节奇蹟！ It's Mr. Green's car! It's a Christmas miracle!
- 艾萨克，你能开吗？ - 可以 - Isaac, can you drive? - Yeah!
不，我开玩笑的 我来开 No, no, no, I'm kidding! I'll drive!
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ The church bells in town ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ Are ringing a song ♪
我想我终于够资格了吧 I believe I finally earned these.
♪ What a happy sound ♪
♪ Baby, please come home ♪
没关系，我抓住你了 - Come on. I got you. I got you. - Unh. Unh.
好了，没关系 No, no, no. There you go. There you go.
别挡路！ Get out of the way!
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ Pretty lights on the tree ♪
她在哪里？ Where is she? Where is she?
♪ I'm watching them shine ♪♪
辛蒂，她在哪里？ 没事吧？ Cindy? Where is she? Is everything okay?
没事，还没生 It's okay. Nothing happened.
虚惊一场而已 It was a false alarm.
老天！ Oh, God.
虚惊一场！ False alarm.
贝兹？ Betsy.
感谢老天，真的很抱歉 Thank God. I'm so sorry.
你上哪去了？ Where were you?
我犯了个错 犯了个大错 - I made a mistake. I made a huge mistake. - I called you.
我打给你
- 我不小心跟莎拉交换了电话 - 在公司？ - I switched phones with Sarah. - From work?
说来话长 It's a long story.
算了，我只是要告诉你 It doesn't matter. I just need to tell you something. Okay?
好 Okay.
我要跟你坦白 I'm gonna come clean with you.
你给我的那些药 Those drugs you gave me...
让我神游 ...they sent me on a spirit quest.
就像是奥利佛史东的电影 或是《YoungGuns》那类型的状况 You know, like a spirit quest in an Oliver Stone movie or Young Guns.
当发生这一切，我才惊觉 And when that happened I kind of realized...
也许我一直对你跟对我自己说谎 ...that maybe I've been lying to, maybe, myself and you...
隐藏我真实的感受 ...about how I really feel about some stuff.
我要给你看这个 I'm just gonna show you this.
- 你看一下 - 好的 - Just watch this. - Okay.
宝宝真是差劲的选择 我根本没准备好 This baby is a bad fucking call. I'm not ready for it!
我们得负起责任 而且我得说 We got to do this responsible thing and I got to say...
我们不该生下宝宝 ...that we should not be having this baby!
要甩掉宝宝！ Get rid of this fucking baby!
放进袋子里丢掉 - Put it in a bag and leave it somewhere! - Heh, heh, heh.
或是放进篮子里推入河里 Put it in a basket and push it down a fucking river!
- 你在笑吗？ - 这超好笑 - Are you laughing? - This is hilarious.
- 笨蛋！ - 你叫宝宝笨蛋？ - Cunt! - Did you just call our baby a cunt?
我压根不记得 I forgot about that.
老实说，我看不下去了 Honestly... Okay, I can't watch anymore.
但老实说，我倒是轻松点了 But honestly, I'm a little relieved.
- 是吗？ - 你说笑吗？ - You are? - Are you kidding me.
有时候跟你比起来 我真是个蠢混蛋 I feel like such a dumb asshole compared to you sometimes.
都是谎言，都是假装的 因为我吓坏了 It's all been a lie. It's all been a front, because I'm fucking freaking out.
只是为了掩饰事实上我一无所知 It's all just been to compensate for the fact that I don't know anything.
很好，你需要个出口 - This is good. You need to let it out. - This is good?
这样很好吗？
是的，你不需要隐藏 Yes. You need to not bottle it up.
我们之中总有个要冷静 One of us has to be not freaking out.
- 事实上，我可以 - 真的吗？ - I'm actually okay. - Really?
突然我想到你说的一切 All of a sudden I was just thinking about everything you've been saying...
我们多么坚强、又多么有把握 ...about how strong we are and how we can handle it.
让我感觉好多了 And that made me feel better.
真的？ Really?
我真的觉得我行的 Yeah. I really feel like I can do this.
看着我 Look at me.
- 我是你的巨石 - 你是我的巨石？ - I'm your rock. - You're my rock?
我才是巨石强森 I'm Dwayne.
我可以跟杜恩巨石强森上床 I get to have sex with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.
我爱你，艾萨克 I love you, Isaac.
我爱你，小龙 I love you, dragon.
贝兹 Betsy.
你刚说〝小龙贝兹〞？ Did you say "Dragon Betsy"?
我现在要坦白 I'm gonna keep being honest.
我现在仍旧要说老实话 你看起来像只恐龙 I'm tripping my fucking balls off still, and you look like a dragon right now.
- 是吗？ - 是的 - I do? - Yeah.
可怕吗？ - Ah! - Ha-ha-ha. Is that scary?
有点威胁性 It's intense.
算了，走吧？ 走了吧 Let's just go. Can we just go? Let's just go.
♪ Bells will be ringing ♪
很棒 That's nice.
♪ Oh, what a Christmas ♪
♪ To have the blues ♪
这是什么？ What is it?
♪ My baby's home ♪
（世界上最棒老爸）
要告诉我不容易 Couldn't have been easy to tell me that.
要告诉全世界也不容易 It's not gonna be easy to tell the world either.
看来公园没有了 Guess we gonna lose the park, huh?
管他什么公园 没什么了不起 Fuck that park. It got crackheads.
祷告吧，小子 Say the grace, boy.
是的，女士 Yes, ma'am.
天父，感谢祢赐给我们 今天的食物 Heavenly Father, thank you for this food we're about to receive.
感谢祢赐予我母亲 Thank you for my momma.
感谢祢赐予我朋友跟他们的家人 Thank you for my friends and their families.
♪ Please, come home for Christmas ♪
♪ If not for Christmas ♪
♪ By New Year's night ♪
♪ Friends and relations ♪
♪ Send salutations ♪♪
- 嗨 - 真的吗？ - Hi. - Really?
又要来跟我求婚了吗？ Are you gonna propose to me again?
- 不是 - 你确定吗？ - No. - Are you sure?
我只想跟你聊聊 I just wanted to talk to you.
我想告诉你 And I have something to tell you...
如果没关系的话 我想在圣诞节说 ...and I wanna tell it on Christmas. If that's all right? So...
等不及了，如果你能出来一下 我们聊聊 ...it can't wait. Can you just come out here for a sec and we'll talk...
我就离开，我保证 ...and then I'll go. I promise.
好 Okay. Fine.
什么事？ What?
首先，昨晚的事情我很抱歉 First of all, I'm sorry about last night.
- 我知道很蠢 - 是的 - I know that was stupid. - Yeah.
And...
我不见你父母亲 是件超蠢的事情 And it was totally crazy that I wouldn't meet your parents.
我真的非常… That was just me being really...
是，我同意 Yeah. I agree with that.
我想我大概是 But I guess I was...
害怕吧 ...I don't know, scared...
因为过去10年克里斯跟艾萨克 一直都是我的家人 ...because Chris and Isaac have been my family for the last 10 years...
所以我不想见你的家人 ...so I didn't wanna meet your family...
因为这一切都会改变 ...because that would change everything.
但一切都不同了，是吧？ 我们都长大 But everything changes, right? We all grow up...
这也是件好事 我也想长大 ...and that's a good thing, I wanna grow up. I do.
我想跟你一起长大 I wanna grow up with you.
我想要个家庭 And I do wanna have a family...
而不是两个大男生 ...other than two dudes.
我想要的家庭 But I want that family to...
是要有你在里面 I want it to be you.
可能比求婚还更糟糕 Which is probably worse than proposing...
因为我们在讨论 要你怀我的孩子 ...because now we're talking about you bearing my children.
是，很多改变 Yeah. It's a lot.
假装我说对了 要是你愿意的话 But just pretend I'm saying it right, if you could.
从现在起，我宁愿当个 I'd rather be the guy, from now on...
说太多，而不是沉默寡言的人 ...who says too much than not enough.
如果要诚实的话 我也该跟你道歉 If we're being honest, I should apologize to you also...
一直留意你的行踪 ...for stalking you, a little bit.
我很清楚昨天晚上 你会去那家酒吧 I knew that you were gonna be at that bar last night.
你假装是个巧合 You pretended like that was just coincidence.
没错 I did. And also...
既然我们双方都要求诚实 ...if we're confessing things...
我的确向贝兹问过你 ...I do ask Betsy about you.
一直问 Kind of all the time.
她都没说 She doesn't let on.
我知道，因为她是我朋友 I know. Because she's my friend.
每次看见她 我都问你的状况 I ask her about you every time I see her.
我知道 Oh, I know.
- 是啊 - 你每次问，她都会告诉我 - Yeah. - She tells me every time you ask.
她没告诉我 你问过我的状况 - She doesn't tell me that you ask her. - She's a girl. That's how it works.
她是女生 事实就是这样
我能进去吗？ Can I come in?
进来这里？ In here?
- 这是我父母的房子 - 我知道 - This is my parents' house. - I know.
我以为你从不拜访家长的 I thought that you didn't do parents.
我会拜访你的家长 - I'll do your parents. - Oh.
真好 Wow. Nice.
别模仿我爸的公狗式 他膝盖不好 Don't do my dad doggy-style. He's got very bad knees.
他现在年纪大了 - Ha-ha-ha. - He's an old man now.
好吧 All right.
- 嘿 - 什么事 - Hey. - Yo.
我想亲你 I kind of wanna kiss you...
但不是因为我说 我想拜访你的父母 ...but maybe not so soon after saying I would do your parents.
♪ No more sorrow ♪
♪ No grief and no pain ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll be happy ♪
♪ Happy once again ♪
来跟我爸妈搞一下吧 Come have sex with my mother and my father.
你说〝来搞一下〞 I thought you were saying, "Come have sex."
跟我父母亲 - With my mother and also my father. - Heh.
（一年后）
♪ No more sorrow ♪
♪ No grief and no pain ♪
♪ 'Cause I'll be happy ♪
♪ Christmas, once again ♪♪
她睡不着 She won't sleep.
- 我们试试好吗？ - 你确定吗？ - Can we try? - Are you sure?
上场了，来吧 Showtime. Let's do it.
谢谢你 Thank you.
嗨，小甜心 Hey, sweetie.
你最棒了 This is the best.
过来，小甜心 Come here, little sweetie. Come here.
过来，小甜心 Come here, sweetie.
看看这些是谁啊？ Look who it is. Who are these guys?
来瞧瞧 Look at that.
这些人是谁？ Who are these guys here?
- 我们来吧？ - 好，来吧 - Should we do it? - Yeah, do it.
♪ It's Christmas time In Hollis, Queens ♪
♪ Mom's cooking chicken And collard greens ♪
♪ Rice and stuffing Macaroni and cheese ♪
♪ And Santa's putting gifts Under Christmas trees ♪
♪ My name's DMC With the mic in my hand ♪
♪ I'm chilling and cooling Just like a snowman ♪
♪ So open your eyes, lend us an ear ♪
♪ We want to say ♪
♪ Merry Christmas And Happy New Year ♪♪
很棒 That's good. Wow.
（剧终） The end.
这圣诞故事好听吗？ How was that for a Christmas story?
非常棒！ That was nice!
很棒吧！ That was some shit!
人生总有不如意！ Shit happened! Things went down!
人生的课程都需要学习 Lessons were learned.
朋友很重要 但关系会进化 Friends are important, but relationships evolve.
我很高兴伊森跟黛安娜 有情人终成眷属 I'm so glad Ethan and Diana ended up together.
我希望他让她怀孕 I hope he get her pregnant.
现在要特别夸奖我的孩子 I'd like to give a special shout-out to my seed...
圣诞节又大成功 ...for killing it again this Christmas.
我最棒的一次！ Ha-ha-ha! Best I ever did it!
是的，老爸，谢了 Shit, Pop. Thanks.
感谢你有注意到 Thanks for noticing.
现在，庆功宴开始吧！ Right now, let the after-party begin!
凯文凯夫DJ！ DJ Kevy Kev!
音乐乔落去！ Let's turn it up!
大声播放！各位！ Turn it up, now! Holla!
（圣诞老公公混音专辑）
♪ It's time to dip dive dip, You might break your hip ♪
♪ To the sound that's legit I've come to make a hit ♪
♪ I usually bust scratches With my brother C.L. Smooth ♪
♪ But I decided to get wreck On this groove ♪
♪ As I provide the slide You're going on a ride ♪
♪ I know the weather's nice There's no need to play the outside ♪
♪ Guess who's on the flyer The man of your desire ♪
♪ Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth All the honey dips admire ♪
♪ Beats are rough and rugged Pete Rock is the creator ♪
♪ Now I'm busting raps While switching cross-faders ♪
♪ Making sure my sound hits From here to Grenada ♪
♪ Honey gave me skins, man I told her friends I ate her ♪
♪ But wait up I save this subject for later ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ I'm addicted like a stoag Not into vogue ♪
♪ Yo, Pete, there's a girl on the phone ♪
♪ Tell her to hold 'cause I'm busy Kickin' rhymes to the rhythm ♪
♪ Fortified with soul 'Cause that's what I give 'em ♪
♪ Honeys form a line 'Cause I always seem to capture ♪
♪ Beats made of rupture Rhymes made of rapture ♪
♪ Far from illiterate Always seem to get a hit ♪
♪ If you try to step to this Don't even consider it ♪
♪Skins when I want 'em But only when I eat 'em ♪
♪ To set the record straight I'll be damned if eat 'em ♪
♪ Call me Pete Rock I make the girls flock ♪
♪ And if you want a beat like this I got them in stock ♪
♪ So flow with the flow Because you know I'm good to go ♪
♪ As I proceed to get wreck On your stereo ♪
♪ Not an imitator Just a crowd motivator ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ C.L. Smooth cut it up like this ♪
♪ Now, I'm a take a try And get a piece of the pie ♪
♪ If they give me one sec To get some wreck ♪
♪ Never filled with anger A good body banger ♪
♪If you try to step to this You'll get hung on my hanger ♪
♪ Before I say goodbye Suckers gave a good try ♪
♪ But point blank You just can't see this ♪
♪ My word is beneficial Pete Rock is the issue ♪
♪ And I know you know my style Is official ♪
♪ - I might give a scratch - Yes, cousin ♪
♪ - Or I might kick a verse - No question ♪
♪ Either one, can't be seen Honeys call me tall and lean ♪
♪ And if you get to stick around I'll show you what I mean ♪
♪ Not an imitator Just a crowd motivator ♪
♪ But it's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ It's time to get wreck With the creator ♪
♪ Get wreck with the creator ♪
♪ The creator ♪
♪ C.L. Smooth, get busy ♪
♪ 'Tis the season ♪
♪ There is a reason ♪
♪ For us to see ♪♪