太逗了 理查德 That's a good one, Richard.
说真的 你今天来干吗 No, but seriously, what brings you in today?
不 我是认真的 我想做个性病检查 No, I am-- I am serious. I would like a... an STD check.
怎么了 把小弟弟蹭到马桶盖上了吗 What, did you graze your penis against a toilet seat?
没有 我做爱了 No. I... I had sex.
-和什么做爱 -女性 - Sex with what? - Female.
女性什么 A female what?
女性人类啊 A female human.
我和这个女人不是很熟 And I-I don't know this woman very well,
也没戴套 and we didn't use a condom.
听着 理查德 我不太担心这个 Now, listen, Richard, I wouldn't worry so much.
人们现在都不会得性病了 People don't really get STDs anymore.
我会尽快拿回你的检查结果 按理说 We'll get your tests back soon, and I would tell you
我得告诉你等结果这段不能做爱 但是 not to have sex before then, but let's face it--
谁能连走两次狗屎运呢 lightning ain't gonna strike twice, is it?
有可能 It's possible.
不会的 No.
有件事挺奇怪的 Hey, here's something strange.
你上一下体重秤 Would you mind hopping up on that scale for a sec?
好 怎么了 我长胖了吗 Okay, why? Am I gaining weight?
我最近玩命工作 吃的很随便 I have been working like crazy, eating like crap.
完全没运动 所以 I haven't been exercising at all, really, so--
看看 Yeah, look at that.
你比去年这会矮了一寸 You are an inch shorter than you were this time last year.
兄弟 你缩啦 You're shrinking, my friend.
这怎么可能 How is that possible?
你刚说的 你生活很不健康 理查德 Well, you just told me. It's your unhealthy lifestyle, Richard.
骨矿密度下降了 It's a loss of mineral bone density.
-那我该怎么办 -我给你开点钙片 - So, what do I do? - I'm gonna put you on calcium supplements,
三周后回来复诊 and I'm gonna have you come back in about three weeks.
到时再见...看你还剩什么吧 I'll see you then... or whatever's left of you.
主题音乐取自：舒展你的脸Stretch Your Face
烟草Tobacco（美国电子嘻哈组合）2010年作品
出自专辑《疯子肉Maniac Meat》
第
四
季
第
七
集
硅
谷
埃利希 有好消息 So, Erlich, good news:
基南·菲尔德斯帕签了投资协议 Keenan Feldspar signed his term sheet,
我们现在正式开始 and we are now officially
讨论合同的细节了 negotiating the finer points of his deal.
太棒了 好戏才算开始 Fantastic! Well, now the real work begins.
为此我们想和你澄清一下相关安排 To that end, we would like to clarify our arrangement with you.
我们认为应当向你支付 We feel that a generous finder's fee
一笔慷慨的经纪费 will be more than satisfactory.
会议结束 This meeting is over.
这确实很慷慨 但我以为 This is very generous, but I-- I was under the impression
你们好像是要聘请我 that, um, I was going to be hired here,
而且我已经和很多人说你们聘了我 and I've actually told quite a few people that I was hired,
如果没有的话 看起来我好像是被解雇了 so if I wasn't, then it would look like I was fired.
没关系 That is fine.
不 劳里 No. Laurie...
优步 帕兰提尔和人利 I will not allow you to make the same mistake
还有我年轻时吃普利墨西哥烤肉 that Uber, Palantir, Zenefits,
犯了没用我的错误 我不会让你重蹈覆辙 and, in my earlier years, Chipotle made by not hiring me.
好吧 别聘我 All right, don't hire me.
但你能不能把经纪费分52期 But can you hack this finder's fee into 52 installments,
明年按周付给我 paid weekly over the course of the next year?
你是指 发工资吗 You mean... A salary?
这是你说的 我没说 Those are your words, not mine.
经纪费以及... The finder's fee and...
一万块辞退补偿费 10,000 to go away?
环顾布里姆-霍尔 You know, looking around at Bream-Hall,
我看到很多相似的东西 I see a lot of the same:
-同性 -两位合伙人刚好都是女性 - the same gender-- - Both partners happen to be female, Erlich.
观察力很强 你想说什么 Great catch. What's your point?
风投业性别失衡出奇的严重 There is a grotesque gender imbalance in the VC field right now.
我能帮你们把这股 I can help you navigate the toxicity
侵蚀你们领地的男性毒流引走 of this male culture which is encroaching on our feminist island.
比如 现在有个说法叫"直男癌说教" I mean, for instance, there's something called mansplaining?
-你们听说过吗 -我们知道 - Have you heard about this? - We know what mansplaining is.
"直男癌说教"是指男人居高临下地 Mansplaining is when a man will condescendingly explain
向女人解释她们早已知道的事 something to a woman that she already knows.
巴赫曼先生 我们还有工作要做 Mr. Bachman, we have work to do.
好吧 劳里 All right. Laurie...
只要一半的介绍费 我愿意留下来 half the finder's fee for me to stay.
我觉得就算出价再高 你们也找不到 I don't think that you'll find an associate, um...
有我这么优秀的记录的合伙人了 with my track record at a better price.
最终报价 你们要还是不要 It's my final offer. Take it or leave it.
我需要这个 I need this.
好吧 你周一来上班 Fine. You may start from Monday.
好的 是这周一吗 Okay. Ooh, this Monday?
没问题 当然啦 That's fine. Of course.
那是什么 What's that?
SonicWall公司的SonicPoint ACe SonicWall SonicPoint ACe...
配备TZ600防火墙 paired with the TZ600.
顶级防火墙保护 Top-of-the-line firewall protection,
内置防入侵 SSL解密和检测 built-in intrusion prevention, SSL decryption and inspection,
应用控制 还有内容过滤 application control, and content filtering.
你就说新路由器不行吗 Saying new router would be so much quicker.
迪尼希 出于对爱情 Dinesh, the one good thing
你跟那个网络恐怖分子 that came out of you slapping your body
羞耻的互啪行为 带给我们唯一的好处 against that cyberterrorist in a vulgar parody of the act of love
就是我们终于有个真正安全的网络了 is that we finally have a network with real security value.
我们怎么用得上那个 米娅在联邦监狱里 Why would we need it? Mia is in a federal facility
连不上互联网的 with no access to the Internet.
对 她还从没表现出 Right, and she has never shown
破坏网络架构的倾向呢 a proclivity for getting around infrastructure.
你们看到了吗 我们才上线了两周 Did you see this? We've only been live for two weeks,
就跻身互利应用商店的前500名了 and we just cracked the top 500 in the Hooli app store.
可不是嘛 排名第499呢 Oh, look at that. Ranked 499.
还是工具类的排名 Of utilities.
下面的手机类 下面的存储类 Yeah, subgroup mobile, subgroup storage.
但总的来说 True, but overall,
我们肯定是互利应用商店的前3万了 we're firmly in the top 30,000 Hooli phone apps.
我们或许还没变成病毒应用 I mean, we may not be a global epidemic yet,
但终于不用再自己跟自己玩了 but... we've leapt from bat saliva to humans
还斩获了几个死忠粉呢 and-- and we've just killed our first few villagers.
这是热的 这又是热的 This warm. This warm.
这也是热的 This warm.
-这还是热的 -我知道了 杨建 - This warm. - I get it, Jian-Yang!
冰箱坏了 The refrigerator is broken.
冰激凌都化了 The ice cream is melting.
让我猜猜 是因为冰激凌热了吗 Let me guess. Is it because it's warm?
-是 -很好 我会叫人维修的 - Yes. - Fine, I'll call the repairman,
他会尽快赶来修好冰箱的 and he'll come here and fix it posthaste.
不 我想要一个新冰箱 更智能的 No, I want a new fridge, a smarter fridge...
就像这个 like this.
一万四美金 买一台智能冰箱 Fourteen thousand dollars for a smart fridge?
我不像你 我要挣钱养活自己 Unlike you, I now work for a living.
我才不要在冰箱上花那么多钱 I'm not gonna drop that kind of dough on a fridge.
我已经下单了 给我自己买的 I ordered it already. I buy it for myself.
那你还跟我说这事干嘛 Then why are you talking to me about it?
好让你堵心啊 To make you feel bad,
因为你又肥又没钱 because you are fat and poor.
-我是埃利希 -巴赫曼 我是爱德·陈 - Go for Erlich. - E. Bachman! E. Chen.
收到你的消息了 你去了布里姆-霍尔啊 Got your message. Bream-Hall, huh?
没错 今天开始上班 Yes, starting today.
我希望这不会让我们的关系变紧张 I hope that this doesn't create any tension between us,
毕竟我们现在是竞争者了 us now being competitors and all.
绝对不会 None-zo.
既然说到这了 我们这里有人是 Hey, while I have you, some of the boys are part
勇士队的股东 of the ownership group of the Warriors.
有张多余的甲骨文球馆的票 We have an extra spot on the floor at Oracle Arena.
你喜欢篮球吗 You a hoops guy?
抱歉 你刚刚信号不好 Sorry, you broke up.
你能再说一遍吗 Could you, uh, could you say that again?
有张多余的甲骨文球馆的票 We have an extra spot on the floor tonight at Oracle Arena.
你看篮球吗 You a hoops guy?
哪个风投界的热血美国男人不是呢 What red-blooded American male in the VC boys' club isn't?
很好 我会把具体信息发给你 Okay. Cool. I'll text you the deets.
再见 哥们儿 Later, man.
伙计们 我刚进风投界一天 Well, boys, I've been in the VC game for just one day,
就已经得到勇士队比赛的前场座位了 and already I have floor seats to watch the Warriors.
-但是你不喜欢篮球 -我承认 - But you hate basketball. - I'll concede that spending all
总是跟你们这群干瘦的程序猿同处一室 my time inside of a house with you scrawny code jockeys,
缩水惊人的亨德里克斯 the Incredible Shrinking Hendricks,
还有不管贾里德他妈的是什么 and whatever the fuck Jared is here...
可能让我的男子气概 ...may have blunted my conventional masculinity
减弱了一点 但气概还是有的 a hair, but it's always been there.
那就找机会跟斯蒂芬·库里来张自拍吧 Well, try and get a selfie with Steph Curry.
我会的 如果她在的话 I will, assuming she's there.
贾里德 看看这封邮件 Jared, um, look at this e-mail here.
"理查德 我最近发现你的空间拯救者应用 "Dear Richard, I recently became aware of your Space Saver app.
我认为你的应用可能侵犯了本人的技术专利 I think your app may infringe upon my own patented technology.
如果你的日程安排允许 If your schedule permits,
我希望能尽快与你讨论此事 I would love to discuss this with you as soon as possible.
此致敬礼 斯图尔特·伯克" Sincerely, Stewart Burke."
我们不是搞定了专利的事吗 I thought we handled that patent stuff. We own it, right?
是的 我会给他写封 Yeah. I'll-- I'll send him
言辞强硬的警告信 a harshly worded cease-and-desist letter.
其实... Actually, uh...
他的工作地址就在山景城的一座民宅 his work address is some house in Mountain View.
他可能也是像我们这样在车库里创业的 He's probably just working out of his garage, just like us.
要不我就过去跟他说说我们的应用 Why don't I go over there, walk him through the app,
程序员之间的沟通 我相信会没事的 you know, coder to coder. I'm sure it'll be fine.
你心可真大 You've got a big heart.
可能只看起来大 因为他的其它部位在缩水 Or maybe it just seems big 'cause the rest of him is shrinking.
你好 我是理查德·亨德里克斯 Hi. Richard Hendricks.
我们通过邮件联系过 We exchanged e-mails?
-没有 -你是...斯图尔特·伯克吗 - No. - Are-- are you Stewart Burke?
-不是 -抱歉 斯图尔特·伯克住这吗 - No. - I'm sorry. Does Stewart Burke live here?
是的 Yeah.
好的 他在吗 我能跟他谈谈吗 Okay. Is he in? Can I speak with him?
爷爷 有人找你 Grandpa! Some guy's here!
我孙子是个软件专家 My grandson is the software expert.
我连电脑和烤面包机都分不清 I couldn't tell a computer from a toaster.
那么 你不是程序员 Oh. So, you're not a coder?
不 一点不沾边 我是个律师 Oh no, not at all. I am an attorney.
我从医疗行业开始 I started out in the medical field,
先后涉足了汽车行业和音乐产业 then in the auto industry, and then the music business.
这些人你都你代理过吗 Did you represent all these people?
不 我起诉过他们 No, I sued them.
看 那是我跟史提夫·汪达 Look, that's me with Stevie Wonder.
他可没预"见"到 He never saw it coming.
-听懂了吗 -是的 因为他是瞎子 - You get it? - Uh, yes, because he's blind.
好 Right.
抱歉 我不明白这跟... I'm sorry. I don't know what this... has to do with--
看到这个了吗 You see this?
这是我在一次版权拍卖会买的歌 This is a song I bought at a copyright auction.
它是首老式墨西哥街头音乐作品 It's an old mariachi number
没让我花多少钱 that had cost me practically nothing
却已经让我赚了两座房子 and so far has bought me two houses
还让我那乡下来的傻孙子上了六年爱默生学院 and put my village idiot grandson through six years of Emerson.
都是因为这首《爱情之歌》 Oh. All that from "Cancion de Amores"?
这首歌很流行吗 Was it a popular song?
不 我用这首歌的版权 No. I used the copyright on this song
来起诉各种歌曲的作者 to sue writers of all kinds of songs.
不管怎样 那些作者通常会和解 赔我钱 Anyway, the writers usually settle, pay me off,
或者给我他们歌曲的一部分权益 or give me a chunk of their song.
多亏了这首《爱情之歌》 Thanks to "Cancion de Amores" here,
我现在拥有卡翠娜与波浪乐团的 I now own 10 percent of
英国新浪潮摇滚团体1985年冠军曲目
《走在阳光下》的10%版权 Katrina and the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine."
本集片尾选用了这首歌的拉丁语版本
可经典了 It's a classic!
等到下个月它在超级碗上 And when it runs next month
马自达的广告里播放时 就等着数钱吧 on Mazda's new Super Bowl spot, I print money.
但遗憾的是 所有好音乐的版权都失效了 But sadly, all the good music copyrights are gone.
这...是很遗憾 That is... so sad.
所以我转移到了科技行业 And that's why I moved into tech.
现在 我起诉你这样的人 And now, I sue people like you.
什么 What?
所以他是用专利碰瓷的 So, he's a patent troll?
对 比如从失败初创公司的拍卖会上 Yep, as like in buy a ton of super-broad IP
买下各个领域的无数专利 from failed startups at auction,
然后威胁侵权人提起诉讼 and then threaten litigation against accused infringers,
比如你们 i.e., you.
伯克要多少钱 So, uh, how much is Burke asking for?
两万美金 Twenty thousand dollars.
那还便宜你了啊 Ah, you're getting off easy.
不 他的专利包括 Well, no. Look, his patent covers...
"在网络上储存媒体文件" "Storage of media files on a network."
这是不具可实施性的 I mean, that cannot be enforceable.
很可能不具备 It's probably not...
但是要弄清楚 你得跟他上法庭打官司 But to find out, you're gonna have to fight him in court.
找一个好的诉讼律师 我们至少要花 For a good litigator, we're talking at least...
几十万 a couple hundred grand.
给他两万算了 理查德 Just pay him the 20 grand, Richard.
我可以想点办法 I could get creative
从梅尔彻那笔生意里拿点钱出来 and take some money out of the Melcher deal.
这不就行了 There you go.
不 我们需要这笔钱 No, we need that money.
这是勒索 他是个骗子 This is a shakedown. He's a crook.
就在我们的应用有所突破的时候 And right when our app was getting off the ground.
他就是这么找到你们的 That's how he found you.
你们刚进应用榜 Guys just landed on the app store
-前500 对吧 -对 - top 500 list, right? - Yeah.
所以伯克从排名的最末开始 So, Burke starts at the bottom of those lists
一直往上找 and works his way up.
他得到的和解越多 The more settlements he gets,
他的案子就越有说服力 the stronger his case.
你们排名越靠前 他要的钱就越多 The higher you are on the list, the more money he asks for.
有点像软饼干 It's like-- it's like limp biscuit.
他也起诉他们了 He sued those guys too?
没有起诉那个乐队 Not the band.
是这个乐队的名字 The thing the band is named after.
软饼干是一项古老的兄弟会仪式 Limp biscuit's an old frat ritual,
兄弟会成员围成一圈 where all the brothers race to
对着饼干撸管 stroke one out onto a biscuit,
最后一个撸出来的人得吃掉 and then the last guy to nut has to eat it.
对 有时候是用小麦薄饼 Right. Sometimes it's a Wheat Thin.
理奇 我理解 Look, Richie, I get it.
在自己兄弟面前 It's embarrassing to pull your pud
打飞机是很尴尬 in front of the whole pledge class.
给他钱算了 Just pay the guy.
或许 Or...
或许我们可以说服所有兄弟们 maybe... we convince the entire pledge class
干脆不要玩这个游戏 to not play the game at all in the first place.
要是能就好了 If only.
这肯定是新冰箱了 This must be the new fridge.
-你喜欢吗 -看 它有屏幕 - You like this? - Look, it has a screen
你可以看到里面的食品 so you can see all the food that's inside.
跟那个差不多 Kind of like that one?
这个可有个应用 This one has an app,
你能在你的手机上看到里面的食物 so you can actually watch the food on your phone.
它只需 All it needs to do
把我该死的啤酒冰好即可 is keep my fucking beer cold.
你的啤酒快要没了 You're running low on beer.
去死吧 Fuck you.
你忘记扫描条形码了吗 Did you forget to scan that bar code?
是 我忘了 故意的 Yes, I did... on purpose.
有了 There we go.
它会说话就够糟糕的了 It's bad enough it has to talk.
它还需要发出"啊"这样的假声吗 Does it need fake vocal ticks like, "Ah"?
这让他听起来更像人类 Well, it just makes it sound more human.
人类是狗屎 Humans are shit.
这东西在解决根本不存在的问题 This thing is addressing problems that don't exist.
这是问题解决主义的糟粕 It's solutionism at its worst.
我们把原本很了不起的机器做得愚蠢了 We are dumbing down machines that are inherently superior.
你还给你的服务器取了个人名 Whatever. You gave your server a human name.
你叫它安东 You named it Anton.
是 但安东不会叫我 Yeah, but Anton doesn't call me anything.
他严格做完他的工作后就静静地坐着 He grimly does his work, then he sits motionless
直到又开始工作 till it's time to work again.
我们都可以向他学习一下 We could all take a page from his book.
这个酸奶过期了 That yogurt is expired.
看到了吗 这个本会害了我 See? This could've killed me.
现在我可以把它给埃利希 Now I can give it to Erlich.
我不确定你在干什么 I'm not quite sure what you're doing.
有什么需要我帮助的吗 Is there something I can help you with?
是的 我他妈怎样才能把你关了 Yeah, how do I shut you the fuck up?
有人今天过得不开心吗 Is somebody having a rough day?
是那个混蛋设的密码保护吗 Did that fucker password-protect the settings?
他的冰箱他做主 His fridge, his rules.
操 Fuck.
老兄 有人说今晚在场边给我留了位置 My man, I was told I had a spot on the floor tonight,
但看来我可耻得来早了 but it seems that I've committed the cardinal sin of being early.
这个比赛什么时候开始 What time does the game actually start?
马上 It's about to.
等等 他说的"场边的位置" Wait. When he said, "a spot on the floor,"
他说的是...在场边准备上场比赛吗 did he mean... on the floor?
我又没和你们一起聊天 I wasn't a part of the conversation.
快点 老兄 让我们见识下你的本事 Come on, baby, come on! Come on, bring it! Unh!
那我绝对做不到 I cannot do that.
好了 你们队穿着上衣 All right, you guys go shirts.
我们队光上身 We'll go skins.
那个打死我也不会做 And I can definitely not do that.
绝不会 Will not.
别让他越过你 Don't let him drive on you.
又来 All day.
埃利希 你到哪里了 伙计 Yo, Erlich. Where you at, dawg?
怎么了 怎么了 Yo, what up, what up, what up?
有个怂货把糖倒进我油箱里了 Which one of you pussies, uh, put sugar in my gas tank
就为了阻止我主宰你们的比赛 to prevent me from housing you on the hardwood?
-什么 -对 我的车发动不了 - What? - Yeah, my car won't start.
这真他妈操蛋 It's a real fucked situation,
看来我不得不 so I guess I'll have to
错过这个一生只有一次的机会 miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to--
我们每周二都打球 We play every Tuesday.
我们下周见 老兄 I'll see you next week, bro-seph.
让我上场 我上场 换人 Let me get in. Let me get in. Let me get in.
我把前端程序的漏洞都解决了 Hey, I squished those front-end bugs.
-网络安全问题你解决了吗 -没有 - Did you finish your networking issue? - Nope.
抱歉 密码错误 I'm sorry. Wrong password.
你一直坐在这里想黑杨建的密码 You're sitting here, trying to hack Jian-Yang's password
而不去做真正的工作吗 instead of doing your actual work?
祝你好运 这是由十位字母和数字组成 Well, good luck, it's a 10-digit alphanumeric.
十位 操 Ten digit? Fuck.
而且用你那运算速度低下的笔记本 And you have one underpowered laptop,
所以等你算出答案 要等 so you know, you should have the answer in...
9000年 9,000 years.
该出绝招了 Time to pull out the big gun.
也许你应该出补漏洞绝招 Well, maybe you should pull out the bug gun...
因为有网络安全漏洞 'cause of the network bug.
就比如你本应该去修复的漏洞 As in the bug you're supposed to be fixing.
如果编程赋予了你 If you were programmed to
幽默感 刚才的话一定会逗笑你 have a good sense of humor, you'd laugh at that.
抱歉 我没有找到"好幽默"牌雪糕 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see any Good Humor ice cream bars.
需要我把它们加到购物清单里吗 Shall I add them to your shopping list?
你知道吗 可以 You know what? Yeah.
"好幽默"牌冰糕 Good Humor ice cream bars
-已加入购物清单 -快来 - added to your shopping list. - Come on.
天啊 你敢相信吗 我一直在等 God. You believe this? I'm-- I'm still on hold.
-和谁 -微软云平台与服务 - With? - Microsoft Azure.
是的 我想让他们给个低点的云存储价位 Yeah, I-- I'm trying to negotiate a lower cloud storage rate
因为我们需要钱 将来如果 because we're gonna need it if,
或者现实点说肯定会发生 or more realistically when,
理查德终于决定付钱给那个专利碰瓷的 Richard finally decides to pay that patent troll.
我还在等他们接电话 I mean, I'm still on hold.
就好像他们根本不在乎小企业 It's like they don't even care about small businesses.
贾里德 他们就是不在乎小企业 Jared, they don't care about small businesses.
这就是为什么小企业得撒谎 That's why small businesses have to lie.
比如谷歌将他们第一栋楼叫做40号楼 Like, um, Google named their first building Building 40,
这样人们就会以为他们规模已经很大了 so that people would think they were already huge.
当我为第一家雇我的创业公司工作时 When I worked at my first startup,
我会把电话转给我的上级 I would transfer people to "My supervisor,"
然后我再自己重新接起电话 and then I'd just get back on the phone myself.
喂 你好 Yeah, hello.
不 我不会再等下去 No, no, I'm not gonna go on hold again.
实际上 我可以把电话转给我的上级吗 In fact, could I transfer you to my supervisor?
不 不行 我得去拉屎 No, no, no, I have to take a shit.
你就 努力模仿爱德·陈就行 Just, um... do your best Ed Chen impression.
稍等一下 One moment please.
什么事 我是爱德·钱伯斯 What's up? You got Ed Ch-- Chambers.
大家好 多谢你们能来 Hello, everybody. Thanks again for making it.
还有多谢'嬉笑机器人'的格斯提供场地 And thanks to Gus of Gigglybots for hosting.
不客气 No problem.
我叫理查德·亨德里克斯 '魔笛手'的 My name is, uh, Richard Hendricks, uh, of Pied Piper.
你是那个为盖文·贝尔森干活的人 You're the guys working for Gavin Belson.
之前与盖文·贝尔森合作 没错 Was working with Gavin Belson, yeah.
-那他不来吗 -不不 他不来 - So, he's not coming? - No. No, not at all.
但我要告诉大家 But I'll have you all know
即便没有盖文·贝尔森的任何参与 that without any involvement from Gavin Belson,
魔笛手 就跟你们的应用一样 Pied Piper, just like yourselves,
已经进入了互利应用商店的前五百位 has reached the Hooli app store's top 500 list,
你们大家都知道 and you guys are aware
在榜单上你们都排在我们前面 that you are all directly above us on the list,
这也就是为什么你们得知道有个专利碰瓷的 which is why you should know that a patent troll
名叫斯图尔特·伯克 最近要求我 named Stewart Burke has recently demanded
付给他两万美元授权费 that I pay a $20,000 licensing fee,
如果我付了 and if I pay,
他会盯上你们 让你们付更多钱 he's gonna come and ask you guys for more money.
他先从小人物开始 He starts with the little guy.
并不是说我个子小 我 Not that I'm little. I'm, uh...
我一点都不矮 I mean I'm not.
实际上我 I'm actually, uh...
高于平均身高 above average height.
这种事通过电邮讨论不就行了吗 Isn't this something that could have been done over e-mail?
也许吧 但听着 I mean, I guess, but-- look.
如果我们不阻止那家伙 If we don't stop this guy,
他将会不停地要更多的钱 he's gonna just keep asking for more and more money
直到有人再也付不起那笔钱为止 until someone is stuck with an unpayable bill.
这有点像传统的兄弟会游戏 It's kind of like that old fraternity game,
潮湿饼干 the limp biscuit.
抱歉 我没参加过兄弟会 那是什么游戏 Sorry, I wasn't in a fraternity. What is that?
我觉得我们不需要讨论细节 I-I-- I don't think we need to get into--
就是大家站成一圈 冲着一块饼干打飞机 It's where guys stand in a circle and masturbate onto a cracker.
最后完成的人 得吃了它 And then the last guy... eats it.
什么 What?
-我重申下 -我真的不知道 - Again, I-- again-- - I don't really know
他为什么提起那个 超恶心 why he would mention that. It's super gross.
这就是为什么盖文·贝尔森不再跟你合作吗 Is this why Gavin Belson stopped working with you?
不 No.
我要说的重点是 The important thing is here,
我的律师已经起草了一份合作协议 my lawyer has actually drafted a partnership agreement.
不如你们先看下 说到底 Why don't you all just... Essentially, uh,
如果我们团结起来 每家拿出两万美元 we all band together and each contribute $20,000.
我们就能有充足的钱 We should have more than enough money
对那家伙的专利发起挑战 to mount a challenge against this guy's patent.
如果我们赢了 我们就取消这专利 And if we win, we dissolve the patent,
这样他就不能再用这个对付别人了 so that he can't do this to anyone else ever again.
因为说到底 Because in the end,
难道不该让这位专利碰瓷斯图尔特·伯克先生 shouldn't it be Mr. Stewart Burke, the patent troll,
吃下那块饼干吗 who is forced to eat the biscuit?
我很确定那算性骚扰 I'm pretty sure that's sexual assault.
对 谁都不应该被这样对待 Yeah, no one deserves that.
我知道 我就是打个比喻 I know. That-- that's all I'm saying.
我敢说那游戏肯定是编出来的 Look, I'm pretty sure it's even made up.
就像驴拳[一种性爱方式] Like, you know, like a donkey punch, you know?
再问一句 什么是驴拳 Again, what is a donkey punch?
-就是人们在... -别...别说了 - It's, uh, when guys-- - Just don't. Don't.
老吉 你这会儿忙吗 G-man, you busy at the moment?
很忙 我正要让安东去对付 Very. I'm about to set Anton loose
那个冰啤酒的话唠玩意 on that talking chrome beer coozy.
介意休息一会儿... So, care to take a breather and...
帮哥们我在旧车库顶装一个篮球架吗 help a pal throw a basketball hoop on the old garage?
你为什么会需要一个 Why would you need help
像我这样干瘦的程序猿帮忙呢 from a scrawny code jockey such as myself?
好吧 Fine.
我自己也完全能搞定 I'm perfectly capable of figuring it out myself.
我只需要... All I need is-- Ah!
我能借一下这锤子 May I borrow this hammer
来砸这些绚丽的钉子吗 to pound in these flamboyant little nails?
-那是螺丝 -是啊 不 我... - Those are screws. - Yeah, no, I...
背景音乐：填料Stuffing，
伍迪斯普蒂斯 WoodysProduce （音乐制作人、混音师和录音工程师）作品
我是贾里德·邓恩 Jared Dunn.
请等一下 我帮你转接 Yep, just a moment, please. I'll transfer you.
我是钱伯斯 Go for Chambers.
奈德 我就知道是你 Ned! I knew it was you.
那个娘炮贾里德让你等很久吗 Hey, did that pussy Jared keep you on hold long?
我每天都把那个混蛋的午餐吃掉 I eat that motherfucker's lunch every day.
不 我是真吃掉他的饭 你想怎样 No, man, I literally eat his food. What do you want?
不可能 Uh-uh, ain't gonna happen.
我们就出到那么高 基佬 That's as high as we go, homo.
下次聊 软蛋 Till next time, rook.
你看到了吗 他太棒了 I mean, did you see that? He's amazing.
-谁 -爱德·钱伯斯 - Who? - Ed Chambers.
他从微软云平台 He got Pied Piper
为'魔笛手'拿到了超低的云存储费 a great cloud storage rate from Azure,
他还搞到了好几货板的 and he's got the hookup on a couple of pallets
拉克罗斯柚子味气泡水 of pamplemousse LaCroix at,
用他的话说只花了让你蛋缩的低价 his words, an amaze-balls price.
干得漂亮 贾里德 Good job, Jared.
别恭喜我 恭喜爱德·钱伯斯 Well, I mean, don't congratulate me. Congratulate Ed Chambers.
-你就是爱德·钱伯斯 -我倒希望 但 - Ed Chambers is you. - Well, I wish, but--
先生们 你们都说不可能 Gentlemen. You all said that it couldn't be done,
不过看来一点也不矮的理查德爵士 but it appears as if Sir Richard the Not-Short
杀死了卑鄙的流氓 hath now slain the slimy troll.
斯图·伯克 我是理查德·亨德里克斯 Stu Burke. R. Hendricks.
我听说你打电话了 I got word that you called.
想必你和我的律师罗恩·拉弗兰先生谈过了 I assume you spoke with my attorney, Monsieur Ron Laflamme?
我的确和罗恩·拉弗兰谈过了 Yes, I did speak to Ron Laflamme.
请告诉我 他打给你说了些什么 What, pray tell, did he tell you when he called you?
实际上是我打给他的 Well, I called him, actually,
为了告诉他那八个 to tell him that the eight companies
你显然是打算联合起来对付我的公司 you apparently tried to organize against me
已经抢先联系我和解了 have reached out to me preemptively to settle.
因为我很欣赏这一点 And because I appreciated that,
我给了他们一个非常合理的价格 I offered them a very, very reasonable rate.
理查德·亨德里克斯 操你 So, Richard Hendricks, fuck you.
好吧 对 Okay. Uh, yeah.
我明白 I understand.
你坚持如此吗 So, you're firm on that?
那再见 Well, bye then.
-你的联盟背叛了我们 -是的 - So, your coalition fucked us? - Yes.
现在我们得付两万美金了 So, now we have to pay the $20,000?
不完全对 因为他... Not exactly. Because he...
斯图说既然八个公司 Stu is saying that since all eight companies
都获得了专利授权 have now licensed the patent,
他针对我们的案子就变得更有优势 he has a stronger case against us,
所以他要更多的钱 so, um, he'd actually like m-more money.
-要多少 -三十万美金 - How much? - Three hundred thousand dollars.
是我们吃掉了小麦薄饼 对吧 So, we just ate the Wheat Thin, didn't we?
抱歉 我没看到小麦薄饼 I'm sorry. I didn't see any Wheat Thins.
我要加到购物清单上吗 Shall I add them to your shopping list?
好啊 Sure.
只希望梅尔彻还没听说这些 Well, let's hope that Melcher doesn't hear about all this.
你们不需要开这么多灯吧 You guys don't need all these lights on, do you?
需要 Yes, we do.
好了 这下应该没事了 没事了 Okay. Well, that should be fine. We should be fine.
会有什么事 Um, fine from what?
冰箱死不认输 That fridge is putting up a fight,
所以我得动用安东来试试了 so I'm gonna have to try something with Anton.
电网可能得承担点压力 没什么大事 Might put a little strain on the wiring, that's all.
我去车库了 I'll be in the garage.
我说 理查德 Hey, Richard, but you're not
你不会真的想闹上法庭吧 seriously gonna defend yourself in court, right?
拉瑞·弗莱恩特就上法庭了 Well, Larry Flynt did it.
沃尔特·雷利爵士也是 And Sir Walter Raleigh,
虽说他最后输了 还被公开斩首了 although he lost and was publicly beheaded.
但你也可以说 But you could argue that
最终胜利的还是他 在历史的法庭上赢了 he eventually won in the court of history.
我知道我们早该和解的 我都懂 好吗 I get it. I should've settled. Okay?
但我没和解 And I didn't.
而且你说得对 我八成会输 And you're right, I will probably lose,
但我不会束手就擒的 but I'm not going down without a fight.
我把和互利上法庭时候 And I've got all of Monahan's discovery
莫纳汉写的东西都找出来了 from the Hooli case right here,
从这里开始吧 so that's something.
老天 Oh my God.
这是我高中的东西 This is from high school.
这些都是我当时 These are all my notes
关于魔笛手初版的笔记 from the original build of Pied Piper 1.0,
那时的魔笛手还是个 back when it was just some
搜索音乐版权的破软件 stupid search app for music copyright...s.
等等 等等 Hold on. Hold on.
搞什么 What the fuck?
抱歉 大家没事吧 Sorry. Everybody okay?
我怎么知道 你个神经病 I don't know, you fucking maniac!
-会有事吗 -大约没事 - Are we? - Probably.
理查德 你这是要搞... Richard? What-- what are you up to?
高1米89吧 贾里德 About six foot two, Jared.
看起来专利碰瓷的见到我要倒霉了 Looks like I can slay that troll after all.
这是什么 What am I looking at?
你说你用《爱情之歌》的版权 Well, you said that you used "Cancion de Amores"
去告音乐家 to sue musicians,
宣称他们抄袭那首歌 claimed that they stole that song, right?
赚了两栋房子 给杰瑞米交四年大学学费 Bought two houses, put Jeremy through four years of college.
六年 就这样他还差着20学分 Six, and he's still 20 credits short.
不管怎样 他可能需要申请助学金了 Okay, well, he may want to consider financial aid,
因为你那首歌 because that little song there
本身就是抄袭了另一首乡村老歌 was itself stolen from an old country song
叫《我在哭泣》圆括号 用我的双眼 called "I'm Cryin'" parentheses "with my eyes."
写于1967年 比《爱情之歌》早整八年 from 1967, a full eight years before "Cancion de Amores."
我相信卡翠娜与波浪乐团得知他们免费给了你 And I'm pretty sure Katrina and the Waves would want to know
《走在阳光下》的一部分 会很感兴趣的 that they gave you a piece of "Walking on Sunshine" for nothing.
马自达没准得把整个超级碗广告都取消 Mazda may want to pull that whole Super Bowl spot.
-胡扯 -不不 不是胡扯 - Bullshit. - No, no, not bullshit.
这是计算机科学 Computer science.
你要是愿意 我们还可以上法庭 Yeah, and we can take it to court if you like,
看看他们信谁的 see who they believe:
是相信目前最先进 perhaps the most advanced
最成熟的模式匹配算法 and sophisticated pattern-matching algorithm
一个天才脑子有史以来的最佳产出 ever devised by a fucking genius
还是信某个曾告过史提夫·汪达的老混蛋 or some old asshole who once sued Stevie Wonder.
好了 说吧 你想要什么 你个小人 All right. What do you want, you little prick?
更正一点 先生 Correction, sir.
我是大人 I am a big prick.
你好 我的冷朋友 Hello, my cold friend.
你好 Hello?
食我大鸟 杨建 Suck it, Jian-Yang.
你攻击破坏了我的冰箱 You attack and destroy my refrigerator?
还把我名字拼错了 And you misspell my name.
是的 我不得不超频了安东 I did. I had to overclock Anton,
不过最后成功在12小时内硬算出了 but I was able to brute-force the backdoor password
那块傻逼玩意的后门密码 to that chrome piece of shit in under 12 hours.
我还加了一点视觉效果 And I added a little visual flair.
食我大鸟 杨建 Suck it, Jian-Yang.
-怎么样 -他信了 完全信了 - So? - So... he bought it. Hook, line and sinker.
他觉得搜索结果是真的 Yeah, he thinks the search results are real.
你碰瓷了职业碰瓷者 You trolled the troll.
没错 没错 他一开始没信 Yeah, yeah, for a second there, he wasn't buying it,
然后我就开始大说特说技术细节 and then I just started babbling on about tech specs
直到把他听呆了 until his eyes glazed over.
现在 我们拥有了 Well, as a result, we now have
专利的永久免费使用权 a perpetual royalty-free license for the patent.
-太好了 -看到了没 我坚守信念 - Yes! - See? I stuck to my guns and as a result,
最终我们省下了本来用于和解的两万美金 we now have 20 grand we would have otherwise lost
如果我听了你们这些软蛋的建议 钱就没了 if I had listened to you delicate little snowflakes and settled.
对吗 两万 Yeah? Twenty grand.
这下我要射到桶子里 你们都得喝下去 Yeah, so let me cum into a bucket and have you all drink it.
理查德 我能和你说句话吗 Richard? Could I have a-- a moment?
对不起我不该那么说 Sorry about that.
那句话一说出口我就后悔了 I-I-I-- I regretted it the second it came out of my mouth.
理查德 没错 但是 Richard. Well, yes, but...
-给你 -这是什么 - Here. - What's this?
这是罗恩·拉弗兰梅 that is a bill from Ron Laflamme
帮你起草那些公司 for the paperwork he had to do
合作协议的账单 to put your coalition of companies together.
2.2万美金 Twenty-two thousand dollars?
对 是在标准价格区间的最高位 Yeah. It's at the high end of standard.
那我们本可以省一点钱 如果就直接 So, it would've cost us slightly less if we'd have just...
付钱给碰瓷的 没错 Paid the troll? Well, that's true,
但尊严有价格吗 but can you put a price on dignity?
很显然我刚刚标上了价格 Apparently, I just did.
帮我个忙 别告诉大家 Do me a favor and don't tell the guys.
-好的 我绝对保密 -谢谢 - Yeah. You have my utmost discretion. - Thank you.
说起这个 理查德 有件事要告诉你 Speaking of, Richard, I need to tell you something.
我解雇了爱德·钱伯斯 I had to let Ed Chambers go.
-谁 -我虚构的上级 - Who? - My fictional supervisor.
他向拉克罗斯的销售员 He bragged to a sales rep
吹嘘睡了最高法院大法官 at LaCroix about doing it
索尼娅·索托马约尔 to Sonia Sotomayor,
所以我让爱德走了 so Ed is no longer with us.
我相信不会有多大影响 I'm sure we can manage.
其实他从来没真正和我们合作过 He also was never actually with us.
-对 -因为他不是真的人 - Right. - 'Cause he was never real.
眼不见心不烦 Out of sight, out of mind.
-也不存在于真实世界 -算是吧 - And out of reality. - Yeah, well.
爱德·钱伯斯 Ed Chambers.
别关 不要 不要 Don't hit-- No, no, no, no! Oh!
操 Fuck!
这些人大多都不像个男人 Yeah, a lot of these guys aren't man enough
不敢在全女性领导的风投公司工作 to work for an all-female led VC firm,
我不一样 but not me.
我相信女性即未来 I believe that the future is female.
不同意的人都可以来食我大鸟 And anyone who says otherwise can suck my fat dick.
巴赫曼 计分板 Bachman, scoreboard.
计分板 操 该死 Scoreboard. Fuck. Shit.
刚刚谁投的 Who made that one through the--
那是三分球 傻缺 It was a three-pointer, dumbass!
三分球 我们在欧洲吗 Three-pointer? What, are we in Europe?
传球 Pass!
-他在耍我吗 -快投 - Is he fucking with me? - Shoot it!
导演：杰米·巴比特
编剧：安德鲁·劳
片尾曲：走在阳光下 Walking On Sunshine
我曾认为你也是爱我的，亲爱的，现在我已确信
马力亚奇拉斯塔雷尔MARIACHI LA ESTRELLA & 埃利奥 阿马斯Elio Armas 合作作品
原曲由卡翠娜与波浪乐团Katrina & the Waves演唱
我已经等不及了，当你敲我家的门
是这只英国新浪潮摇滚团体1985年冠军曲目，翻唱版本无数
就是那位专利碰瓷老者提到的那首大金曲。
此处选用的是拉丁版本。
如今，每当我去门口取信，都按耐不住心中的激动
因为我已等不及你给我写信说你要回来了
此时我漫步在阳光之中
我漫步在阳光之中
一切感觉如此美好