一生中某些时期 For intense periods of our lives,
我们遭受着单恋的痛苦 we suffer the agony of unrequited love.
我们的悲哀往往伴着一种确信 Our sorrow is accompanied by a certainty
相信只要那个可望而不可及的人能回应我们笑容 that if only the elusive being would return our smiles,
与我们共进晚餐 甚至结为伴侣 人生便是极乐了 come for dinner or marry us, we would know bliss.
划时代的幸福似乎已经触手可得 Epochal happiness seems tantalizingly close,
如此真实 却终究化为了泡影 wholly real and yet maddeningly out of reach.
在这样的时刻 At such moments,
人们往往劝告我们放下心里那个人 we are often counseled to try to forget the beloved.
我们应该克制对他们的兴趣 We should – given their lack of interest –
尽量想想其他人其他事 try to think of someone or something else.
但这善意的劝告其实是一种误导 Yet this kindness is deeply misguided.
治愈爱情的方法 The cure for love does not lie
并非停止思念那个得不到的人 in ceasing to think of the fugitive lover,
而是要学着更深层更理性地思考 but in learning to think more intensely
他们究竟是怎样的人 and constructively about who they might really be.
近距离接触 From close up,
这世上每个人都不好对付 every human who has ever lived proves deeply challenging.
走近才发现 我们每个人都是试命题 We are all– at close quarters – trying propositions.
我们脾气暴躁 自负 虚伪 粗鲁 We are short-tempered, vain, deceitful, crass,
多愁善感 迷茫 冷血 过度情绪化甚至抓狂暴走 sentimental, woolly, cold, over-emotional and chaotic.
但究竟是什么阻止了我们看到这些 What prevents us from holding all this in mind
我们只是不够了解那个人 in relation to certain people is simply a lack of knowledge.
我们假设 基于一些吸引人的外在条件 We assume – on the basis of a few charming outside details-
我们热情追求的目标仿佛奇迹般地 that the target of our passion may miraculously
摆脱了人的劣根性 have escaped the fundamentals of the human condition.
但其实他们并没有 They haven’t.
只不过我们还没全面了解他们 We just haven’t got to know them properly.
也正是这一点让单恋变得分外强烈 This is what makes unrequited love so intense,
如此持久而又残酷 so long-lasting and vicious.
我们所爱的人通过阻止我们接近 By preventing us from properly growing close to them,
同时也防止了我们在宣泄中厌倦他们 the beloved also prevents us from tiring of them in the cathartic
得到解放 这便是单恋的馈赠 and liberating manner that is the gift of requited love.
使我们着迷的并非他们的吸引力 It isn’t their charms that are keeping us magnetized;
是我们缺乏对他们身上缺陷的了解 it is our lack of knowledge of their flaws.
治愈单恋的方法 The cure for unrequited love is,
结构上说 非常简单 in structure, therefore very simple.
我们必须更好地了解他们 We must get to know them better.
我们越了解他们 The more we discovered of them,
就越不会误以为他们能解决我们的所有问题 the less they would ever look like the solution to all our problems.
我们将发现他们在许多小的方面 We would discover the endless small ways
是令人厌烦的 in which they were irksome;
击中我们的事其实毫无意义 我们会知道 we’d get to know how stubborn; how critical;
他们有多么的固执 挑剔 how cold and how hurt by things
冷血甚至伤人 that strike us as meaningless they could be.
如果我们更深地了解他们 That is, if we got to know them better,
便会意识到他们和每个寻常的人一样 we’d realize how much they had in common with everyone else.
热情是禁不起过多暴露的 Passion can never withstand too much exposure
全面了解一个人 to the full reality of another person.
建立在他们身上的无限爱慕 The unbounded admiration on which
会被这些知识击溃 it is founded is destroyed by the knowledge
分享生活会难免带来这些问题 which a properly shared life inevitably brings.
单恋的残酷并非 The cruelty of unrequited love isn’t really
我们的爱没有得到回报 that we haven’t been loved back,
而是我们的希望 rather it’s that our hopes have been aroused
被一个永远无法让我们失望的人激发了 by someone who can never disappoint us,
我们将会一直相信他们 someone who we will have to keep believing in
因为我们不知道全面的了解能带来解脱 because we lack the knowledge that would set us free.
缺乏直接的治愈方法 我们必须 We must, in the absence of a direct cure,
尝试一种想象的手段 undertake an imaginative one.
即使没有具体的细节 我们也必须接受 We must accept, without quite knowing the details,
事实最终证明 that they would, of course,
他们必定是烦人的 eventually prove decisively irritating.
每个人都是这样 Everyone does.
我们不得不相信 We have to believe this
不是因为我们恰好了解他们 not because we know it exactly of them,
而是因为 本质上 他们是人 but because they are – in the end – human
我们真的这个黑暗面 and we know this dark but deeply cheering fact
因为世上每个人都证实了这一点 about everyone who has ever lived.
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