Previously
on "Vanderpump Rules"...
- I'm engaged!
- I'll be real, like, I'm ----ing cautious about it.
- I think the death of his dad
really was a wake-up call for him.
- I just don't want that to be the reason
why he's doing the things that he's doing.
- With our talents combined,
we will have the best birthday party
that ever ----ing happened.
- Ariana is still one of my best friends.
Like, I don't really know where I stand, I guess.
- Queen of ----ing birthdays.
- Stassi's new "beau." I love that.
You seem much happier.
- I'm so happy.
- She shouldn't be wearing those shorts.
They're not very flattering.
- I'm coming after this mother----er.
- I am not willing to work in a place that it's tolerated.
- Yes.
- I have to--
- I have to stand in defense of the women that you've insulted.
- No frickin' way.
♪ ♪
- ♪ You know that it's our time ♪
♪ These are the best days of our lives ♪
♪ Just raise your glasses high ♪
♪ This one's for you tonight ♪
- ♪ It's the feeling that you give me ♪
♪ Every time that you are with me ♪
- Do you think I could eat
one of these biscuits with my tea?
- Yeah.
- They're all organic and human-grade food.
Oh, my God, you grew a whisker.
- It's actually not bad.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Perfect timing; we're just putting on our tattoos.
- Trouble's here. - Oh, yeah.
- You seem taller today.
Maybe I'm just, like, extra short.
Okay.
Guys?
Unfortunately, Yulin starts again today.
The situation's radically improved,
but it's still going on.
One of our missions at the Vanderpump Dog Foundation
has been to stop the Yulin dog meat festival,
where they torture and eat these poor, innocent puppies.
We're hoping that this campaign
with "Stop the Torture,"
it will really kind of garner some kind of attention.
So we need all the dog lovers
on the planet
to take their picture with this tattoo,
post it on social media, and spread the word.
Even Kristen Doute.
- It might be the day for you to adopt a dog.
- One that needs a home.
- I need to join this little club here.
- You need one that needs a home.
- Yeah, I'd like something like this.
- You want a Gordo, is what you want.
I talked to Sandoval yesterday.
I guess Lisa talked to James and let him go, I guess.
- About ----ing time.
The Sur goddesses are shining down on me.
- Now we can go to dinner at Sur a hell of a lot more.
- Bye, bitch.
Well, that's a blessing.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- Hello, sir. - Hey, buddy.
- Kristen, congratulations.
You ----ed my sh-- up yet again.
Let's go get tattoos.
But I'm not gonna miss the dog event.
I am not gonna stop until I get my job back,
until I get back in good graces.
All I can do right now is just to try.
- Sometimes it takes something like this
for you to realize, "Okay, I need to wake up."
- I have zero--like, I do not feel bad for that kid at all.
Just because you show up to a charity event
with an adorable puppy
doesn't make you a good person.
Charles Manson had dogs.
- I have a happy hour, I guess, date,
so I got to sneak out early.
- Are you going with Adam again?
Are you, like, dating?
Are you not dating?
- We've kissed a couple times.
I mean, we're not gonna be in a relationship.
- I honestly don't know
what Adam's getting out of this.
I would just be very, very, very careful.
Scheana really one has, like, one speed,
and it's, like, psycho stalker girlfriend.
- And you want to be single for a while.
- Yeah.
- I'm always like, "I think Scheana really likes him,"
but I get what you're saying about--
- No, and I do. I care about him so much.
Like, I love him to death.
I know it--I don't know. Whatever. It's weird.
Okay, wish me luck.
- Come on. Come on.
♪ ♪
- Are you getting excited,
or are you still, like, freaking out?
- I think that now that, like, the location is finally done,
I'm getting more excited, but I'm still stressed out.
- Yeah, I'm stressed out about ----ing James.
I feel really bad being like,
"Hey, I know you really wanted to come to my birthday party
and I invited you, but, like, now you can't."
- I just wonder, like, what is he thinking
when he does stuff like what he said about Jax and Faith?
What is he thinking when he goes and calls Katie fat?
- Half the time, he doesn't even ----ing remember it.
- Hi.
- Um...
Let's just sit up here.
How are you doing?
- Good.
- Not a sip. - Good.
I'm really busy,
but I'm actually going to meet with your mother.
- What are you going to tell her?
- I'm going to tell her
that you need support from her, quite frankly.
When I first met James, he was only 20,
and his parents asked me to give him a job.
So you're doing your job properly?
- Yes, Peter is making it very clear
that these need to be extra polished.
- I thought he was destined for kind of great success.
You've got to have a major, major shift in your attitude.
I actually almost feel like
this is a personal failure.
Sometimes I shouldn't be as involved,
but you can't help it.
- I'm gonna work this out, Lisa.
I'm gonna change my ways. I'm gonna--
- It's for your benefit.
- 100%. I know. I know.
- It's time to grow up.
- Yes, absolutely.
- All right. - Thank you, Lisa.
Come here, Bandit.
- Now my stomach hurts.
So is Raquel gonna come?
- Yeah, I know you're friends with her
and all that stuff, so...
- Yeah.
Hey, James.
Can we talk to you for a second?
- Sure.
So...
About the party on Saturday.
- There are people who are gonna be at the party
who don't feel comfortable with you being there
given past interactions.
- So you're disinviting me.
- This is not her fault.
This is--I'll take--
- Katie just got me ----ing fired.
- No, you got yourself fired.
- Yeah, I get that, but she also helped.
- But if Katie can't even be with you at her workplace
and Brittany can't be with you at her workplace,
why would I put them in--
- It's her birthday, too, though.
Ariana's been a close friend, you know?
I just think it's really sucky
that now she's joining forces with Stassi,
you know, that she can't include me in that.
I thought she was more of a leader.
- I want you to be able to come, but I just know
that they don't feel comfortable.
- But now I guess she's a follower.
- It--it sucks.
- I get it. Are we done?
- Yeah. - Cool.
- Okay.
- Raquel.
♪ ♪
- ♪ La la, la la la la ♪
♪ La, la la la la ♪
- Hello. - Hi.
- Hi, ladies.
- We have appointments for the booty smoothie.
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm just wondering what it is.
- Don't worry about it.
You'll like it. It's sweet.
- Okay.
The booty smoothie
is one of my most favorite things.
- It's a facial for the bum area
that we're going to be doing for you.
- A female booty goes through a lot.
We're sitting on toilet seats.
We're getting banged from behind.
Like, it takes a beating.
So they exfoliate it.
You put steam on it to open those pores.
Any bumpies that you got, it gets rid of.
- It does stimulate collagen,
so it will help with cellulite in that way.
- Oh, that's good.
My dude is an ass man.
He's also a vagina man and a tit man.
He's just a man.
- All right, ladies, how do your bums feel?
- Mine feels ready to get some play.
- It's a baby's bottom. - Thank you so much.
- All right. Okay, ladies.
You guys can get dressed. - Okay.
- You look so pretty right now. - You do too.
- I was just looking at you. I'm like, "Oh, my gosh.
She looks really pretty in white."
- You're gonna be a ----ing bride!
That's so crazy.
Has anybody said anything to you
about, like, if you're worried?
- If I'm worried about, like, Jax?
- Yeah.
- I've just heard, like, a couple people express--
like, Sandoval and Ariana were talking about how--
you know, his track record is something
that shouldn't be ignored.
And he's on this, you know, he's-lost-his-dad trip.
- He's very much on this, like, dad kick right now,
and he's emotional about it, 'cause it's so recent.
When that wears off, like--
- Is he gonna go back into his old ways?
- I think it's changed him.
I'm not like, just 'cause we're engaged,
that I'm, like, looking past everything that he's ever done,
'cause that's not what I'm doing at all.
It's just, I see the change so much,
and we've never been this happy.
It's really hurtful
hearing that Tom and Ariana are talking like this.
It's almost like we just started dating again.
It feels like a brand-new relationship.
They were just helping us celebrate our engagement.
Everybody was happy for us.
And then I hear this.
'Cause even last year, like,
I didn't really have his back that much--
- You were angry. - Yeah, I was so angry.
And I knew that what all my friends were saying is true.
But I feel like there's just such a change that I've seen.
And, like... - It's amazing.
- He's my fiancé now,
and he's gonna be my real family.
That's how I think of it: like, he's my family.
I mean, I'm just gonna follow my heart.
I'm concerned about James.
- Don't take his Tuesday. Please.
You're his mother figure.
- No, you're his mother figure.
♪ This time
we'll get it right ♪
♪ This time ♪
♪ We'll get it right this time ♪
- Hey. - Hi.
- Yes.
Hi. - Got some bread.
- Wait, I'm so hungry.
I haven't eaten anything all day long.
- I'm starving.
I thought this Italian thing
would bring back some fun memories.
- Now we can piss orange all over again
with Aperol Spritzes.
Beau and I went to Europe. It was so sweet.
He literally, like, surprised me
by taking me to, like, so many different cemeteries.
Tombs everywhere.
You're such a good boyfriend.
- It was, like, really thoughtful.
The cheese is not gonna taste the same
as it did in Italy.
- It's just sh--.
- Everything here is sh--.
Oh, my God, we're ----ing weird.
Beau is so different from Patrick.
He doesn't use a bunch of words I don't know
to be condescending.
- You have a unique ability to, like, galvanize people.
You have to treat every relationship,
like, myopically.
- I'm sorry, Patrick.
I hope I'm not viewing this myopically,
but I just feel so galvanized by this new relationship,
you ----ing dick.
I'm turning 30.
- It's all downhill.
- Listen, I'm excited about being 30,
because I feel like I'm now, like, a woman.
Turning 30, it's a milestone, you know?
And, honestly, I just feel really proud.
I love you.
- Te amo. - Te amo.
I have a great relationship now,
and I have all of these great friends.
Like, 23-year-old Stassi
def wasn't grateful for anything.
Everyone, shut the up!
This is my ----ing birthday!
Now I just feel thankful.
I'm a ----ing adult.
I feel supes grown up now.
- ♪ I think I like it ♪
♪ I think I like it ♪
- Oh, it's cute.
- It's a daybed, not a night bed.
Can you only sleep on it in the daytime?
- We can try it out.
I'm gonna take a quick shower.
You're welcome to join me.
Thanks.
- Yes, I am attracted to Adam.
But, like, he tells me all the time
he doesn't want a relationship.
I'll leave the door open just in case.
- No, it'd be bad news.
- I would definitely take it a step further,
but Adam doesn't give me sex.
- Can you turn the air conditioning on
a little bit?
- I'm gonna set it to 69 degrees.
- Oh!
- Nice, nice.
- I'm sweating my ass off.
- Um, if you're hot,
you could always take your shirt off.
That doesn't mean I don't like to flirt with him.
We should probably eat something.
Um...
I mean, he's hot as ,
and, like, maybe one time he'll say yes.
But I do have a burrito, if you want it.
- Please. - Okay.
- That'll be my pay
for putting together your daybed.
- Oh, I was gonna pay you better than that,
but if that's all you want, you're a ----ing cheap date.
He makes my vagina dance.
- Hey, do you know any details for tomorrow at all?
- Um, I think the party is at 8:00.
So, I mean, I just assumed we'd go together, right?
- I don't know anything about it.
- Um, well, it's winter theme.
Like...
- Like, do you watch "Game of Thrones"?
- Yes.
- That's, like, the inspiration.
- White Walker kind of thing. - Yes.
I think that's what Katie said she's going as.
- You don't watch "Game of Thrones."
- I don't. I know.
Remember we had this discussion?
You said it was, like, my only flaw.
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
- I've got to do
black-and-white curtains out there,
banquette seating.
This is great.
I am so ready for Tom Tom to open.
We are so far behind schedule.
We've got to do the marble shelf there.
There's always so many unforeseen hurdles
you have to jump over.
I know we're, like, moving, you know,
as quickly as we can, but it's weeks away.
But we've got a deadline. I want to stick to it.
♪ ♪
Hey.
- Sit down.
All right, yeah.
Um, hey, you look great.
- I'm nine months sober.
- And I can see that.
- Biggest change of my life.
It's something to be so proud of.
- Thank you.
- I just wanted to see you
because I'm concerned about James.
He has this unbelievable disrespect for women.
- Okay, I need to stop you there.
I get that there's this whole movement of women,
but when women come at my son, where does James go to?
- He's drinking way too much.
- This is not what we're talking about right now.
- They're both coupled together,
because when he's sober, he's a different person.
- No, I understand that, but the point is,
if women are attacking him, how does he defend himself?
- Not like that.
- People provoke him, Lisa!
And he's 26 years old.
- Let me tell you he's lost his job.
- You fired him.
- Yeah.
How can I have him--
Jacque, how can I have him in the business--
What did he do at work?
- You know, he's going, "You're a slut.
You're a ----ing whore. you."
Because let me tell you something.
If nobody sets him off, he's not gonna set himself off.
- If you're defending his actions,
then it's not gonna help him.
- I'm not defending his actions.
I'm trying to understand them humbly.
- I don't have to be here. I don't have to be here.
I can wash my hands of him,
and I actually don't want to do that.
I want you to understand that. - Thank you.
- I do think he should be in therapy
and he should be talking to people
and learning to deal with controlling his anger.
That's the first thing, I think.
Then you need to say to him,
"You never speak to a woman the way you have been"--
you've got to change that in him.
- I'm working up the nerve
to be able to have balls towards him,
because I made so many mistakes,
and I was so ashamed as a mother.
So I allowed even him to speak to me.
And things will change.
- Well, there's the key.
I think Jacque's being incredibly honest
saying that she made mistakes,
and for that, I have a lot of admiration.
There's no perfect parent, but a sober parent
is gonna make a lot wiser decisions.
- Now I'm gonna ask you something.
- Yeah.
- Can he please just have--
just give him the Tuesday night.
Lisa, if you take everything away from him,
I--that scares me.
It's a lot at once.
It is just pounding somebody while they're already down.
Don't do it. Don't take his Tuesday.
Please.
For me. For me.
Please.
You can't. Lisa, you can't.
Well, right now, I cannot put him in Sur
with the way he's spoken to some of the girls.
.
You're his mother figure.
- No, you're his mother figure.
I need you to be strong for your son.
- 30s are the best. You mature.
You start thinking about the rest of your life,
so the little meltdowns, that sh-- don't matter as much.
- Oh, my God, so I'm not gonna be able
to have meltdowns anymore.
- No.
["The Twelve Days
of Christmas"]
♪ ♪
- It's just like happiness in here.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Welcome to Almost Christmas.
- We're having a birthday party for her,
and it's a winter theme.
- The winter wonderland ice queen, fierce.
- Ariana and I both love a good theme,
and now our friends don't have to choose
which birthday party they want to go to.
Stress free and fun as sh--.
Whoa!
- Oh, my gosh. - That's creepy.
- It's not my birthday unless there's something creepy.
- I like--the one in the middle is pretty good.
- I love the one in the middle.
- And then you choose either the one on the right
or the one on the far-- - I'm sorry.
There's some reason that I just really like
the one with the silver.
I just--he feels like my man.
I love them.
- And, like, a tree or something.
- Yeah. - That's a fun one.
- So we're gonna do that one too.
- Sure.
- Yes, we do. - See, that is 30.
You don't have to transport sh-- yourself anymore.
- Meet me out front, and we can set up this.
- Thank you so much. - You're welcome.
- Yo, I'm 30.
I'm finally in a healthy relationship.
I like my apartment.
I love my dogs.
- 30s are the best. You mature.
You start thinking about the rest of your life.
So the little meltdowns, that sh-- don't matter as much.
- Oh, my God, so I'm not gonna be able
to have meltdowns anymore.
- No.
- In the past,
my best friends, my loved ones,
my boyfriends all had to feel my wrath.
Do not ----ing say sh-- to me, bitch.
You left me!
You were selfish,
and you thought about your ----ing self!
- You are being a bitch.
It's my birthday.
But I am past my birthday meltdowns.
I think.
It should be cold in here,
because it's, like, Christmas time.
- Yeah, my eyebrows are sweating.
- My boobs are crying tears. - Yeah, same.
Should we just go settle up, then, and get the hell out?
I'm just carrying my shoes.
I'm like Britney Spears in a gas station.
♪ ♪
- This is like the Yellow Brick Road.
- I know.
- You can fly. Oh, you can do it.
Have another little drink. You're gonna feel better.
- Hi, Lisa. - Hey.
- I've got this little bird that flew in the house,
and he hit the window.
- Aw.
- He's almost flying.
I don't know why; it just seems
I was put on this Earth
to help every little wounded bird that comes my way.
Schwartz, if you could go into my black car outside,
all the bussers' shirts, they're all there.
And if you could give a count on each.
- Okay. - Just we'll have a quick talk.
- I can use the dining table, then?
- Yeah, just put them on each of the chairs.
Sandoval, I want to talk to you.
Oh.
Talking of broken birds,
you're the only person, really,
that kind of sees James
as somebody who's really struggling.
I just personally don't think that we should abandon him.
- I don't think he's ever had a lot of, like,
really close friends.
- Ooh! - Whoa.
- Bloody hell.
- Lisa's like Snow White.
You know, she can nurse a bird back to health
by holding it against her bosom.
Okay, you just got your mojo back.
♪ ♪
I really think he needs
some serious, intensive, you know, therapy.
And he needs his mother
to actually grab him by the scruff of the neck,
and I think with her and with me and with you,
maybe we could give him some hope, you know,
towards a better future.
If James could really change the way he treated people
and he still went on somewhere else
and had a huge, successful night,
I'd be okay with that,
because I want the best for him.
I really do.
Listen, I'm not gonna desert him.
I might not have him working for me,
but I'm not gonna desert him.
I like it, Schwartzy.
I like the shirt.
Do you like it? Do you like the color?
- I love it. - Take them with you.
Decide where you want to put the logo, the "TT."
You want it on the shoulder?
You want it here?
- Did you want to print it or get it embroidered?
- We just want to print it. - Okay, just checking.
- I need to know exactly how many there are.
- I got it right here, yeah. - Because I don't want--
- You have 54 teal shirts.
- I think I have 85. - I double-counted them.
Since I can remember, I've always loved math.
- Let me look. - Okay.
- For a while there, I was on the pre-med track.
It came very naturally to me.
It's 13 plus... - So that's 53 already.
- 13--I said 56.
- You have 54 teal shirts.
- I'm already up to 79.
- That can't be right. - Here's 80.
- I'm fallible, of course.
I've just always had a knack for numbers.
You're, like, 30% out.
You're not counting the money in this business, clearly.
- Ariana and Tom were saying that
they, like, didn't know if you were really gonna change.
- No, I'm like, "Dude, I was gonna ask you
"to be my best man, but you don't even support me.
Like, why the am I even having you there?"
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I need it ♪
♪ I want it ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Get ready to party ♪
- I'm so over these.
I'm like, "Not the freezer."
- Here. - Okay.
- I'm out of shape, man. - I know.
- It sucks.
- This is the perk
of ten years working in the service industry.
- We know everyone,
and we have hookups on everything.
- So we can get hookups on everything.
This party has been a real group effort.
Kristen got the house.
Brittany got the bartenders and the bar.
Beau is helping to set up.
Everyone's doing their part.
And it's my 30th birthday,
which means that I don't have to do anything,
and everyone knows that.
- We got to make our crowns
to be the winter queens.
♪ ♪
- Oh, my God. - These are so dope.
- Love it.
- Stassi and I both have the same idea
of just being these bejeweled, beautiful ice queens.
- Same outfit, same hair, same makeup
so that neither of us out-hot each other.
- It wasn't the original goal to be twins.
- It was what I hoped for.
- I love ----ing this hair.
I want to live in this hair for the rest of my life.
- Brittany.
- It's the fiancé.
Can you take a five
and show me the room real quick?
- I'll be right back, Jeremy. Is that okay?
- That is next-level sh--.
♪ ♪
- This is what I'm gonna wear. I'll show you.
- Yeah, I want to see. - It's just the white jacket.
And then I got these. This is--
- You're so cute, so good. - Thank you.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
I also wanted you to know something real fast,
'cause I have to get to my makeup,
but, um...
I guess Ariana and Tom were saying
that they, like, didn't know if you were really gonna change
and saying that it might be
just 'cause of your dad right now
and it might not be forever.
Lala had told me about that, but I was like,
"I can't believe they would say that,"
'cause I thought they were happy.
- Especially Tom. - Exactly.
- It just kind of hurt my feelings a little.
- What right does Tom have to question me
on why I want to marry Brittany?
Do I question Ariana
on why she doesn't want to marry him?
'Cause apparently Tom Sandoval's and Ariana's
relationship is perfect.
I really feel like they're so butt-hurt
because she wants nothing to do with marriage
and he wants to get married.
Any time in life you see somebody doing better than you
or just doing well in life, you want to bring them down.
- That's true. That's true.
- I'm not gonna let anybody with me this summer.
- I know. You should just talk to Tom
and be like, "Tom, it hurts my feelings
"that you, as my best friend,
would say these things behind my back."
- Well, yeah, now I'm like, "Dude, I was gonna ask you
"to be my best man, but you don't even support me.
Like, why the am I even having you there?"
♪ ♪
What the ?
Come on in.
It's like the queen of London coming
to, like, visit the peasants in the old Tower.
You want to sit down?
Would you like a glass of water
or...something?
- No, I'm just literally just popping in.
- I know my couch is clean,
but I still wanted to put, like,
a tea towel down for her to sit on.
- Oh, Raquel is modeling.
- Yeah, after.
- That's kind of hard to understand.
If my partner was uninvited, I think I'd probably have
more loyalty and allegiance to my partner.
- Yeah, I'm not really mad about it, to be honest.
I've got bigger things to worry about.
- Right. I spoke to your mother.
- I heard, briefly. How did that go?
- I mean, I can see a vast difference in how she is.
- Very proud of her.
- Yeah, you should be.
- Yeah, took a while for me to say that.
I know she's my mum
and the respect should never fade,
but just seeing how hard it was
for, like, Harry and Dylan and me,
it was just like, you know, "When is this sh"
I'd come home from school,
and my mum would just end up drinking a bottle of wine.
It would eventually break out into fights.
So I ended up moving out at 18 years old,
and then my brothers were left to deal with it
for ----ing years.
- I don't think you being drunk is an option anymore.
I really don't.
- It's really not, Lisa.
It's really not, and it never will be.
Like, I hope to God you never see me drunk again.
- And...
you prefer it here, clearly.
- Yes.
- And living with that weirdo guy.
What you doing?
- I'll probably go to dinner.
I was going to see if you'd come with me.
- Uh, no. - Probably owe you a dinner.
- Not tonight. Not tonight.
My dad's actually staying with Paul right now.
- Just so my dad can get back on his feet and--
- Are you...
helping all your family out?
- Yes.
Yeah, why wouldn't I, you know?
- The one redeeming quality
that James Kennedy has
is the way he has stepped up to help his family.
And at 26 years old, that's quite a big responsibility.
You know, the way you come across now
is very likeable, decent, humble human being.
That's gonna get you a lot further
than being an arrogant, obnoxious, rude,
aggressive little prick.
- I don't want to be that guy, Lisa.
I really don't.
Like, I know what I said was wrong,
and, you know, I can't be acting like that ever again.
- I'm not gonna give up on you. You know that.
- I know. Thank you so much for caring.
I mean, it means the world to me.
- You're talking negatively about my relationship.
- I was just a little concerned.
- I don't need to explain any of this to you.
This is between Brittany and I.
♪ ♪
- There.
- Okay, that feels great. - Perfect. Yeah.
- Bubba, holy sh--, you look hot.
You kind of look scary hot.
- Yes! - I'm some kind of warrior.
- What if we conceive a baby in these outfits?
- Oh, that's ----ed up.
- Whoo! Workout.
- Ooh, hello.
I didn't even recognize you.
Hi. You look gorgeous.
You look like a sexy little slutty snow bunny,
and I love it.
- Thanks.
- Oh, yeah, no, you look good too.
- Hello, other birthday girl. - Hello.
- You look gorgeous. - Thank you.
- Oh, my God, you're like a Victoria's Secret angel.
- You look like me and Ariana.
It's, like, kind of really trippy.
These costumes are great.
Katie showed up as a winter warrior princess.
Tom Schwartz is a bath salts elf.
And then Scheana showed up as Stassi.
Yeah, that's wild.
♪ ♪
Mom, y'all look so good.
Holy sh--.
That's my dog's blanket.
- Hi!
♪ ♪
- Give me a spin. Give me a spin.
Tom, you look amazing. - Thank you.
This whole costume was built
around this custom-made headpiece.
But then once I found that white fur jacket,
the outfit just sort of magically came together.
I'm the Duke of the North.
- No.
- Oh, you're just-- oh, you fell.
- I'm just someone who fell hiking on snow.
- I thought we had a thing with the bath salts.
- Well, we could say that too.
- We'll do some more later.
- A bath salt hiker. - Yeah.
- Listen, everyone!
It's about to get really cold.
You might know them as Stassi and Ariana,
but tonight they're Stariana.
♪ ♪
- It's so frigid up here.
.
And now I need a cocktail.
♪ ♪
- Cheers.
- Happy birthday. - Happy birthday.
- ----ing ice queens. - I love it.
- Butt shot! - Butt shot!
- Okay, okay, okay!
We got a butt shot!
- I heard about Stassi's ass shot tragedy.
- Come with the assist and put this in the butt.
- This is annoying. Honestly, stop.
- And I told her
that this year, she was going to have a redo.
- Just lie down.
- She goes across.
- Wait. - I got you, girl.
- Oh, my God. - Wheelbarrows!
- That's a real butt shot. - Whoo!
- Yes! There we go.
- We all have our strengths.
- You know, like, dip it into my mouth?
- Oh, my God, do it.
Yeah.
- It is so refreshing to see Stassi
being the little freak weirdo that she is.
Last year, she couldn't be that,
because Patrick couldn't know that's who she was.
But Beau loves that sh--,
and he loves her all the more for it.
both: It's our ----ing birthday!
- You guys practiced that. I know you did.
God.
- Never in my life did I think
Ariana Maddox would be this into Stassi Schroeder.
- I don't know when my nipples are coming out.
- ----ing weird.
both: Hi! - Oh, my God.
- Your bestie's over there.
- Raquel.
She wants to say hi, maybe go get some tea tomorrow.
off.
- My God, she's here! Hi!
- Happy birthday. - Thank you!
I didn't think I was gonna see you tonight.
Thanks for coming. - I wanted to come, so...
- Can I have a vodka soda, please?
Raquel is here.
I'm going to bring her a welcome drink.
- Yeah, but in a nice way.
- Raquel should be at the party.
I mean, I don't like Raquel,
but the thought of James alone at home
with a ton of FOMO,
I like that.
- James said that you weren't coming.
- I was hosting this grand opening
at the Topanga Canyon mall, so...
- Raquel. - I finished early, though.
- Kristen has a welcome drink for you.
- Vodka soda.
- You can't taste roofies.
- Well, that's reassuring.
- I mean... - Watch.
- I'm like, "Well, Kristen's agenda
"is a lot different than what I thought it was
if she's trying to roofie Raquel."
- Oh, my gosh.
He looks like somebody you'd fish with,
except he's lit up.
You need a light down there. - Well, you know...
- For your package.
- This is the first.
I've never had a girlfriend's mom
talk about my package.
- Can almost hang an ornament on you.
- Eyes up. Eyes up.
Oh, it was awkward.
Eyes up.
- Trying to get drunk at this party.
- Dude, this is--
- Are you wearing half the
I knew it. Look at how dirty he is.
- I like it.
- Let's go talk. - Yeah, sure.
- Listen.
So it's come across that, like,
you were talking negatively about my relationship.
- No, Jax, Jax, Jax. No, no, no, no.
- 'Cause I'm like, dude, I'm coming to you
to plan my ----ing bachelor party.
- Dude, Jax, of course. Of course, man.
- And then I hear this.
- You know, with everything that happened with your dad,
I was just a little concerned.
Like, I hope that this isn't too much of a catalyst,
that it's really just coming from you that, like,
your dad could still be alive right now,
and you would have still been doing this.
- Absolutely.
- Jax is a recovering sociopath.
So I just don't want this engagement
to turn into something that he's really excited about
and then does what he has done in the past:
get bored and just move on to the next thing
without a care in the world.
- And no offense, and you're my best friend,
but I don't need to explain any of this to you.
This is between Brittany and I.
What you and Ariana go through is what--
I would never impose.
I would never talk to Brittany and be like,
"Man, I think Ariana and Tom's relationship"--
I just wouldn't do that.
Apparently, Tom Sandoval's
and Ariana's relationship is perfect.
She wants nothing to do with marriage.
He wants to get married.
- I guess my concern was-- is that, like,
when the dust settles,
when it's not something that's always on your mind,
you know, like, about your dad and everything--
- I would never do that.
My parents have never gotten divorced.
My grandparents have never gotten divorced.
I don't want to get divorced.
So I was waiting for the right time,
and six months after my father is the right time.
Like, I just--the things that she did for me
and the things that we worked before all this
and just the fact that she wanted to work this out
after all the crap too...
- Listen, Jax, I apologize.
I just--I've known you for so long,
and I just--
- I know I have bad tendencies.
I know, but at some point,
you got to ----ing wake up and do the right thing.
- Okay. All right, Jax.
- And this is my doing the right thing.
I'm over it.
Unlike Tom is treating me right now,
I will be happy for him when he gets engaged.
Let's get a shot. You want a shot?
- Let's do a shot. - Let's do a shot.
I just know that's never gonna happen.
- Hey, I love you, man. - I love you too.
- You guys are wanting him to fail.
If anyone body-shames my best friend,
of course I want him to fail.
- He's already failed. He's already failed.
♪ One, two, one, two
one, two, drink ♪
♪ Can you pour me another? ♪
- Now you are your complete true self.
- I'm gonna do it slow. We're gonna do it slow.
- Like your first time doing anal.
- That's good form, Ariana.
- Oh, look at that blood. Oh, my God.
- Oh! - My God!
- That's the whole thing.
- It's my ----ing birthday.
- Your headpiece is so sick.
- I want to wear it in real life.
- You can borrow it.
- Cheers!
- Happy birthday, Ariana.
- Raquel! - Hi.
- You look fantastic. Thank you for coming.
- I'm glad I'm here.
It's a little weird without James.
- I don't know what to say about James.
- Well, just from what I heard, it was Katie
who didn't feel comfortable with him being here.
- And Brittany, Katie and Brittany.
- I think it was just too soon
from the things that had happened before.
- I would love for James to be here,
but he's not in a position now--
- I mean, I wouldn't.
- He hasn't drank since that day,
since that night.
- It's so easy to talk about that
when you hit rock bottom
and no one wants you around anymore, though.
It is so easy.
- He hasn't drank in a whole week and a half?
Thank God for that. - I agree with her.
Where you want him to be,
where Katie wants him to be.
- Well, everyone wants him to be a normal person,
but he's not a normal human being.
- You guys are wanting him to fail.
If anyone body-shames my best friend,
of course I want them to fail!
What if he did that to your best friend?
Are you--are you--
- Stassi, don't ----ing say
that I'm stupid in the head.
I'm not.
- That's on you.
You deserve so much more
than someone who is a legitimate piece of sh--.
- He's not always a piece of sh--.
I totally relate to Raquel.
Like, I feel her pain.
I understand what it's like
to be in a relationship with somebody
who's really sh----.
- I did go to Vegas and have relations with somebody else.
- You're an asshole!
- You're so ----ing selfish,
you don't care if you're wasting anybody else's time.
You'd rather have a pity party for yourself.
- Stop always making it about you.
Pull yourself together.
And you're constantly defending him.
I get Raquel.
Because I'm 30,
I feel like I have, like the right--shut up--
to just, like, just give wisdom to people.
- But sometimes it's unwanted wisdom.
- Okay.
- God. Take that. Take that.
Take this.
- Take that sh--.
- Sorry, this shot is disgusting.
- I don't know what I want.
Ah.
- Yeah.
- Louboutins.
- God dang. - Wait.
- God dang!
God dang.
- I'm 30. - You're 30!
- This birthday, I feel
so much more relaxed.
And, honestly, I feel like
a lot of that has to do with Beau.
He really is the absolute best.
And I just really freaking love him.
Oh, my God, do I sound like Scheana talking about Rob?
Like, this is, like, my worst nightmare.
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
- I won't be home till 2:00. - I'm trying to find Stass.
- Peter's getting crazy.
- Come on, Tom.
- Peter, don't say, "Come on."
It's like we're in a gay porn.
No.
- Your call has been forwarded to a--
- I just want to have Beau with me
in bed at the end of the night,
because I know everything's okay.
- Your call has been-- - Okay.
Whoa, whoa.
- Your call has been forwarded--
Please record your message.
- I've been texting you, and I know that you read them.
I just want him to be with me and love me
and just, like, show that he loves me.
- Please record your message.
- You have legitimately been ignoring me.
This is bullsh--.
Being left is, like, a big deal.
It kills me.
It, like, really, really kills me.
- Please record your message.
!
- Next time on "Vanderpump Rules"...
- I am so ----ing concerned
that you are going to leave me.
- It's like you dick-punched my heart.
- This is for all the boys who've done stupid sh-- to us!
Mother----ers!
- You're actually down here, and he's up here.
- Mom!
I'm getting annoyed. I'm getting really annoyed.
- Can everybody stop being selfish
and thinking about themselves?
- This is so intense right now.
- Oh, God.
- With James, Tuesday is one of our best nights
because he's behind the DJ booth.
- Can I ask how many times he's been fired?
- You're lucky to be here as well, quite frankly.
- You don't have to have me here; that's fine.
- Jax, if you're gonna talk to me like this,
I'm not gonna have it.
- It's your restaurant.
To see more of "Vanderpump Rules,"
go to bravotv.com.