NETFLIX 剧集
那么 我们现在该做什么？ So, what now?
要不要 直接上本垒？ Should we, I dunno, like, go all the way?
你爸爸不是在家吗？ Really? Isn't your dad home?
对 但自从我开始穿胸罩后 他就不敢进我房间了 Yeah, but he's been scared to come into my room ever since I started wearing bras.
-所以 -好吧 我准备好了 -So… -Okay. Yeah, I'm ready.
我是说 我洗了澡 还在阴毛上喷了香水 I mean, I showered and sprayed perfume on my pubes, so…
天哪 我也是诶 Oh, my God, so did I.
感觉有点刺刺的 对吧？ It kinda stings, right?
-是有一点 -靠！ -Yep, little bit. -Shit!
你什么也没看到 我既性感又非常会调情 You didn't see that. I am smooth and sexual.
-好 -好 -Okay. -Okay.
来咯 Here we go. Oh.
-你要怎… -你是要… -Did you-- -Oh, were you gonna--
-你先来 -不 你先来吧 -You-- You first. -No, you can.
行 没问题 Okay. Yeah.
-我先来 -好的 -I'll go first. -Okay.
-准备好了吗？ -好了 回头见 -Are you ready? -Yeah. Um… See you later.
干 Fuck.
嘿嘿 嗬嗬 湿透的小穴我来咯 Wet-ass pussy here we go.
你能行的 娜佳 开苞吧 宝贝！ You got this, Nadja. Lose that v-card, baby!
伙计们 拜托 人家正在破处呢 Guys, I'm trying to lose my fuckin' innocence over here.
收到 Oh! Message received.
他们明年要一起上大学 真是太棒了 对吧？ Isn't it amazing that they're going to college together next year?
既然她被伯克利加大列入候补名单 Well, since she got wait-listed at Berkeley,
只能将就接受丹妮儿和罗格斯大学了 I guess Rutgers and Danielle will have to do.
佩特拉 娜佳和丹妮儿彼此相爱呢 Petra! Nadja and Danielle are in love.
-这是天意 -随便吧 -This is fate. -Eh. Sure, whatever.
-真是爽爆了 -真的吗？谢天谢地 -That was awesome. -Oh, yeah? Oh, thank God.
我即兴发挥的 I was kinda wingin' it down there.
你是怎么做到这个的？ How did you do that thing?
我用我妈妈的握力球 给我指交用的手做了热身 Oh, I've been warming up my fingering hand using my mom's carpal tunnel ball.
至于舔阴 And as for the oral,
就是用舌头一遍又一遍地写出 “奥斯丁鲍尔斯”这几个字 I just spelled out the words "Austin Powers" with my tongue over and over again.
我爱你 I love you.
我也爱你 I love you too.
你答应在罗格斯大学 天天都给我指交吗？ Do you promise to finger me every day at Rutgers?
哦耶 宝贝 Yeah, baby.
我得承认 我真喜欢她俩在一起 I gotta admit, I fucking love these two together.
我正想这么说呢 You took the words outta my mouth.
-轮到我了吧？ -好的 -Is it my turn? -Okay.
接下来就交给我吧 女士们 I'll take it from here, ladies.
如果三十分钟内我没回来 就叫海岸警卫队 If I'm not back in 30 minutes, call the Coast Guard.
炸弹来咯！ Bombs away!
（错误工厂）
我们今天干得真漂亮 Whoo! We fucking killed it today.
没错 爱情与野心 同心协力 Yeah, love and ambition working together.
就像丹妮儿的舌头和手指一样 Not unlike Danielle's tongue and her fingers…
天哪 我真羡慕娜佳 我已经有一个世纪没做爱了 God, I'm jealous of Nadja. I haven't gotten laid in about a century.
-世纪？ -天哪 有两个世纪了吗？ -Century? -Oh, my God. Has it been two?
妞 怎么回事？你的阴道跑掉了吗？ Shit, girl, what's going on? Your snatch run away?
不是 我只是很忙 而且大家都逊爆了 No, I'm just busy and everybody sucks.
来嘛 总得有个能让你欲火焚身的人 Come on. There's gotta be somebody that gets your juices flowing.
好吧 确实有一个 Okay, there's someone.
但说起来真难为情 But it's so embarrassing.
你在指谁啊 妞？ Who you pointing at, girl?
加文？加文那个疯子？ Gavin? Crazy ass Gavin?
我是个男人味爆棚的纯爷们！ I'm such a fuckin' man.
天哪 真是个愚钝的家伙 Yikes. A bit of a blunt instrument.
我可不会拒绝他的钝家伙 懂我的意思吧？ I wouldn't turn down his blunt instrument, if you know what I mean.
我想上他 I wanna fuck him.
不必多说 上吧 妹子！ Been there. Go for it, bitch.
我得说 有个人一起聊男生还真不错 I gotta say, it's good to talk about this girly stuff with someone.
我们应该多出来喝酒聊天 你知道我很乐意的 Well, we should do this more often, okay? You know I'm always down.
好啊 敬我们 Yeah. To us.
敬我们 To us.
知道吗？去他妈的 这轮酒我请！ You know what, fuck it! Drinks on me!
我要两杯 一杯给我的嘴 I'll take two. One for my mouth,
一杯给我的另一张嘴 and one for my other mouth.
是同一张嘴哦 It's the same mouth.
靠 桑娅自从被解雇后就没有清醒过 Damn. Sonya's been drunk ever since she got fired.
嗯 是啊 Yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah.
-那么… -那么… -So… -So…
有什么新鲜事？ What else is new?
自我们四个小时前 一起吃过午饭之后吗？没什么 Since we had lunch together like four hours ago? Not much.
你现在有在看什么书吗？ You, uh, reading anything right now?
我对你厌倦透了 康妮 Ugh. I'm so bored of you, Connie.
我也是 我真他妈受不了了 Me, too. I'm tired of this shit.
是啊 我们所做的就是喝酒、聊工作 Right? All we do is drink, talk about work,
然后不可避免地大操特操一番 then have inevitable, mind-blowing sex.
就是啊 我是说 刺激感都哪儿去了？ Exactly. I mean, where's the excitement?
我对你的一举一动了如指掌 我讨厌这样 I know every move you're gonna make, and I hate it.
等一下 也许我们所需要的 是和新的生物上床 Wait a second. Maybe what we need is to sleep with new creatures.
哦 康妮 我在和很多其他生物上床呢 Oh, Connie, I… I'm sleeping with a lot of other creatures.
我给你发视频和照片的时候 暗示得还不够清楚吗？ Was I not clear about that when I sent you videos and photos of it?
不是啦 蠢蛋 我说的是角色扮演 No, dumbass, I'm talking about roleplay.
火辣又有点小变态的性爱 加上帽子和服装？ Kinky sexy fuck-fuck with hats and costumes?
对 跟社区戏剧差不多 不过是给性活跃人士玩的 Yeah. It's community theater, but for sexually active people.
好呀 角色扮演 Alright, role-playing.
我想扮演一个傲慢而个性十足的人 I wanna be someone brash and electrifying.
例如琼里弗斯 Like Joan Rivers.
那我扮演梅利莎里弗斯 And I'll be Melissa Rivers.
不行 那样太过火了 我们做别的吧 Nope. Nope. That crosses a line for me, let's do something else.
不 我告诉你 佩特拉真的很有趣 No, I'm telling you, girl, Petra is fun.
-抱歉 我不相信你 -真的 -I'm sorry. I don't believe you. -She is.
一个弦儿绷得那么紧的人 怎么可能会有趣呢？ No one who carries that much tension in their neck could ever be, like, fun.
别犯傻了 她有趣得不得了 Okay, you trippin', 'cause she's a fucking riot.
而且 你猜那个疯丫头对谁有好感？ Plus, guess who that psycho little peanut has a crush on.
-我的天哪 谁？ -加文 -Oh, my God. Who? -Ga-vin.
-不是吧？他好吓人 -吓死人了 -No. He's so scary. -Scary as hell.
不过我完全能理解 等他干完她之后 我想让他干我 But also I totally get it and I want him to rail me after he's done with her.
我愿意让他从后面来 I will eat the sheets.
萝谢尔 你在笑 告诉我为什么 Rochelle, you're laughing. Tell me why.
我们只是在聊 办公室里谁想跟谁啪啪啪 Oh, we're just talking about who wants to fuck who in the office.
啪啪啪 虽然很好玩 但也是个大累赘 对吧？ Fucking. It can be so fun, but also such a liability, right?
随你怎么说 皮特 Whatever you say, Pete.
我该回去找娜佳了 她要参加毕业舞会 礼服还没选好呢 I should probably get back to my girl Nadja. She's on prom court and we need an outfit.
容我推荐红色 Ooh! May I recommend red?
人类学家说红色象征着健康的外阴 Anthropologists say it signifies a healthy vulva.
天哪 皮特！ 谢谢你那奇怪又不请自来的建议 Jesus, Pete! Thanks for the weird and unsolicited advice.
-回头见 -不客气 -See you around. -Um… You're welcome.
很抱歉我说了外阴！ And I'm sorry I said "vulva"!
很抱歉我现在还这么大声 说这两个字！ And I'm sorry I'm yelling it right now!
天啊 我的电脑今天疯疯癫癫的 Man, my computer is being… so spinny today.
别砸了 可以让我看一下吗？ Don't hit it. Can I please take a look?
好吧 但要看的话 需自行承担风险哦 Okay. But you're gonna have to… …enter at your own risk.
你显然把键盘当成盘子 用它吃了不少牛角面包 而且… Okay, you clearly use your keyboard as a plate for many a croissant, and--
我的老天爷 你有三万八千封未读邮件？ Oh, my God. You have 38,000 unread emails?
这是我自己的一套方法 It's my system.
我让邮件保持未读状态 这样我就会记得处理它们 I leave emails unread so that I remember to deal with them.
那你处理过什么没有？ And have you ever dealt with anything?
三次意外怀孕算不算 婊子？ How about three unwanted pregnancies, bitch?
还是请你别叫我婊子 Okay, I'd rather you didn't call me bitch.
抱歉 我忘了 Sorry, yeah, you've mentioned that.
艾米 你有没有听说过 “收件箱归零”？ Ooh! Emmy, have you ever heard of Inbox Zero?
有啊 我去的堕胎诊所就叫这个名字 Oh, yeah! That's the name of the abortion clinic I go to.
不是 收件箱归零是一种组织理念 No, Inbox Zero is an organizational philosophy.
不对 是一种生活方式 Nay, a lifestyle.
而且最棒的部分是 它非常严格 并且需要持续地维持 And the best part is that it's rigorous and requires constant maintenance.
真恶心 听上去就是 逻辑石像会喜欢的东西 Uh, okay, puke. Sounds like something a logic rock would love.
我的确喜欢 我甚至有个座右铭 I do. And I even have a little mantra,
“清空的收件箱就是快乐的收件箱” "A clean box is a happy box."
我知道 你的诊所肯定也是这么说的 I know, I know, I'm sure they say the same thing at your clinic.
皮特 拜托别在工作时聊我堕胎的事 Pete, please don't talk about my abortions at work.
我的天哪 真的很抱歉 Oh my God. I'm so sorry.
跟你开玩笑的啦 I'm just fucking with you.
其实我完全不介意聊 Actually, I wouldn't mind talking about them.
我最近被我的心理医生甩了 I recently got ghosted by my therapist.
呃 好吧 Oh, um… Okay.
哇 好帅 Ooh! That's cute.
跟丹妮儿那条小骚裙很相配哦 It'll go great with Danielle's horny little dress. Ow!
我们最好当选为舞会女王 And we better win goddamn Prom Queen!
去茱莉亚鲁宾斯坦的 Fuck Julia Rubenstein!
她能被提名还不是因为他爸去世了 You know she's only in the running because her dad died.
谢谢你啊 佩特拉 我在群里这样说后 大家都生气了 Thank you, Petra. I floated that in a group text and everyone got mad at me.
“伯克利加大招生办公室” "Office of Admissions at Berkeley."
我的天哪 是关于候补名单的 Oh my God, this is about the wait list.
管他的 你要和你的爱人 一起上罗格斯大学了 What do you care? You're already going to Rutgers with the love of your life.
嘿嘿 嗬嗬 Hey, ho! Wap! Wap! Wap!
闭嘴 伯克利加大是我们的梦想学校 Shut your face! Berkeley's our dream school.
-我想吐 -快打开 不然我杀了你！ -I feel sick. -Open it or I'll kill you!
“我们很高兴通知您 您被录取…” 我的天哪！ "We are pleased to offer you admission…" Oh, my God!
-你做到了！ -被录取了！ -You did it! -I got in!
那些质疑过我们的人都吃屎去吧！ Eat shit, everyone who ever fucking doubted us!
我太牛逼了！ I'm amazing!
你能他妈闭嘴吗？ Can you shut the fuck up?
我想看我嘴里能塞多少颗鸡蛋 你害我没办法专心 I'm trying to see how many eggs I can fit in my mouth, and you're ruining my focus.
-我被伯克利加大录取了 婊子 -靠 太牛了！ -I got into Berkeley, bitch. -Holy shit! That's amazing!
我是个不朽的天才！ I am a fucking immortal genius!
你将永垂不朽！ You will never die!
-等等 那丹妮儿怎么办？ -谁？ -Wait, what about Danielle? -Who?
-你说什么？ -操 -Excuse me? -Oh, fuck.
-那个用手指让你高潮的传奇人物 -丹妮儿 -The icon who fingered you to completion? -Danielle…
你看起来很沮丧嘛 那我可以收工了 Okay. Well, you seem upset. My work here is done.
我要继续塞鸡蛋了 聊得真愉快 拜拜 Time to get back to my eggs. Good talk. Bye.
你选择丹妮儿而放弃其他一切 那会是多么浪漫啊 It's gonna be so romantic when you choose Danielle over everything else in the world.
-罗格斯大学！ -想得美 -Rutgers! -Nice try.
梦想学校 黄金简历 Dream. School. Resumé. Gold.
别犯傻 上伯克利加大！ Don't be stupid. Go to Berkeley.
搞什么？我以为我们现在是朋友了 What the fuck? I thought we were friends now?
放松 我们是朋友 Relax, we are.
前提是我得到我想要的 也就是伯克利加大！ As long as I get what I want, which is Berkeley.
不行 罗格斯大学！ No. Rutgers!
天哪 梦想成真简直糟透了 God! This whole dream come true thing sucks my fuckin' asshole.
艾米 看哪 Emmy, behold…
我创造了一个复杂而又直观的系统 I've created a complex yet intuitive system
来组织你数量多得离谱的未读邮件 to organize your irresponsible amount of unread emails.
我不过是把你的邮件转移到 可操作的文件夹和存档文件夹中 I've simply transported your emails into actionable and archival folders.
现在 每当你收到新的邮件 And now, every time you get a new email,
你只需记住四个D和一个R you just remember the Four D's and One R.
转发 Delegate…
搁置 Defer…
回复 Respond…
行动 Do…
或者删除 Or Delete.
很神奇吧？ Hm. Pretty magical, huh?
天哪 皮特仔 你该不会觉得巫师很酷吧？ Oh no. Pete, bud, do you think wizards are cool?
如果我们不酷的话 Yeah, well, if we're not cool,
为什么会有那么多霍比特人 对甘道夫投怀送抱？ then why is Gandalf drowning in hobbit twat?
真的吗？哇 他真行 Is he? Wow. Good for him.
好吧 有些邮件我不知道该怎么归类 Okay, there were some emails I had trouble categorizing.
这封应该放在哪里？标题是“灌水男” Where should this one go? Subject line, "The Chugger."
你可以直接删掉 You can just delete that one.
不是关于工作的 很无聊的 所以直接删掉就好了 It's, uh, not about work, it's stupid. So just go ahead and delete it, yeah.
你和萝谢尔已经在这个话题上 来回了好几年了 You and Rochelle have been going back and forth on this for years.
-有七百封邮件那么长 -是啊 搞什么嘛？蠢透了 -It's 700 emails long. -Yeah, what the heck? Stupid.
来吧 我自己删就行 Here, I'll just delete it myself.
“灌水男抢先到达饮水机的那种感觉” "That feeling when The Chugger gets to the water cooler first." Hm.
那只是个无聊的表情包 Oh, it's just a stupid meme.
-不 我明白 这家伙喝很多水 -确实很多 -No, no, I get it. This guy drinks a lot of water. -Yes, he does.
“灌水男今早看起来特口渴 快把你的瓶装水藏起来” "The Chugger looks thirsty this morning, hide your Dasanis."
是啊 Yeah.
这个叫灌水男的屌丝到底是谁啊？ Who is this loser schmuck you're calling "The Chugger," anyway?
天哪 是… Uh… Gosh. It's, um…
是老乔 当然是老乔 老乔就是灌水男 It's-- Of course it's Joe. Yeah, it's Joe. Joe is The Chugger.
-你知道吗？ -知道什么？ -You know what? -What?
我见过老乔喝水的样子 真是典型的灌水男 Yeah, I have seen Joe drink. Classic Chugger.
是啊 一点都没错 Totally, yes. Very true.
可怜的家伙 他完全没概念 对吧？ Poor guy. He has no idea, does he?
没有 我们当然也不应该向他提起 No, no, and we should, of course, never speak of it to him
甚至不应该向任何人提起 or really anyone else even, I would even say.
我觉得灌水男先生毫不知情 小徒弟 Methinks that Mr. Chugger's none the wiser, young Padawan.
-《星球大战》这个梗不错 -是尤达 -Star Wars, cool reference. -It's Yoda.
所以我告诉他 “医生 耳鼻喉 那太多了 So I told him, I said, "Doctor, ears, nose, and throat, it's too many things."
你应该选一个 然后占领市场” "You should pick one and corner the market."
-真棒 爸 -你为什么不把好消息告诉他？ -That's great, Dad. -Why aren't you telling your dad the good news?
因为根本没有好消息 她还是要上罗格斯大学 Because there is no good news. She's still going to Rutgers.
你今天做了什么 娜塔莉？ What'd you get into today, Natalie?
我抓了四只蜘蛛 放走了其中三只 I caught four spiders and let three of them live.
另外 我还因为在校长的车上 放一大包葡萄而被留堂了 Also, I got detention for putting a big bag of grapes on the principal's car.
别再浪费葡萄了 Stop wasting grapes.
娜佳 你呢？ Nadja, what about you?
没什么 没做了什么 Nothing. Nothing. Nothing, uh, over here.
所以还是让妈来说吧 So I'll just pass it over to Mom.
-你不打算告诉他们吗？ -告诉什么？ -Aren't you gonna tell them? -Tell us what?
-娜佳被伯克利加大录取了！ -哇靠！ -Nadja got into Berkeley! -Holy shit.
-哦耶！ -是的 -Yes! -Yeah…
伯克利加大 我们来啦！ Berkeley, here we come! Here we come! Here we come! Ayo!
我的天 你一直都穿着那件衣服吗？ Oh my God, were you just wearing that under your clothes?
连续穿了两个月 以备万一 Two months straight just in case,
因为我知道我女儿一定会被录取的 because I knew my girl was getting into Berkeley.
那件衣服肯定臭死了 I bet that shirt stinks.
这消息真是太棒了 This is amazing news.
这下你就不用去上 罗格斯那所破大学了 真恶心 Now you don't have to go to stupid Rutgers. Yuck.
破大学？ 等等 你不是很喜欢罗格斯吗？ "Stupid Rutgers"? Wait, I thought you liked Rutgers?
那时候我们以为你没机会了嘛 That's when we thought that was the best you could do.
现在我们不用再假装高兴了 Now we don't have to pretend to be happy.
-我还没决定要上哪所 -没错！ -I haven't decided yet where I'm gonna go. -That's right!
-你说什么？ -你们都听到了 -Excuse you? -Y'all heard her.
等等 娜佳 Oh, wait. Wait a minute, Nadja.
你真的在考虑 拒绝我们的梦想学校吗？ Are you seriously considering saying no to our dream school?
听你爸爸的话 娜佳 他很聪明 Listen to your dad, Nadja. He's fuckin' smart.
知道为什么吗？ 他是伯克利加大毕业的！ You know why? He went to Berkeley!
罗格斯大学有很棒的工程课程 Well, Rutgers has a really good engineering program.
别忘了丹妮儿！ And don't forget Danielle!
-是因为丹妮儿吗？ -是的！ -Is this because of Danielle? -Yes!
什么？不是 也许有点吧 我不知道 What? No. Maybe. Kinda. I don't know.
她爱她 She loves her.
你不能因为一个高中暗恋对象 而放弃梦想 You're not giving up a dream because of a silly high school crush.
-高中暗恋对象？ -什么？ -High school crush? -What?
你和爸爸高中时还不是在一起了 You and Dad got together in high school.
是 但那不是认真的 我们只是炮友 Yeah, but it wasn't serious, we were just hooking up.
纯粹是肉体关系 It was purely physical.
-我在吃饭诶 -天哪 别说了 -Eww. I'm eating. -Oh my God, stop.
娜佳 亲爱的 Nadja, habibi,
我知道这不容易 但这关乎你的未来 I know it's hard. But this is your future.
你不能让别人左右你的选择 不管他们有多好 You can't make these choices based on anyone else, no matter how great they are.
爸爸… Baba…
我想我和丹妮儿 可以谈远距离恋爱或什么的 I guess Danielle and I could do long-distance or something.
-不行！ -好耶！ -No! -Yes!
-这才是我的宝贝嘛 -她也是我的宝贝！ -That's my girl. -She's my girl, too.
我们真为你感到骄傲 娜佳 We are so proud of you, Nadja.
我先回房间去了 I'm gonna go to my room.
你卡在墙里了吧？ You're stuck in the wall, aren't you?
闭嘴 你个皱巴巴的怪胎 Shut it, you scaly little creep.
好嘞 再来一份鸡尾酒虾好呢 还是… All right. Should I get another shrimp cocktail or…
哇哦 蛤蜊赌场 听起来真美味 Ooh! Clams casino. Oh, ho, ho! That sounds good.
那个灌水男可真能磨蹭哈 The, uh… the Chugger sure is taking his time, huh?
什么？你什么意思啊？ Ooh-- What? What do you mean?
-别担心 艾米全都告诉我了 -她告诉你了？ -Don't worry. Emmy told me all about it. -She did?
是啊 而且我觉得超搞笑的 She did. And I think it's hilarious.
好吧 所以你知道你是灌水男 而且完全不介意？ Okay, so you know you're the Chugger? And you're okay with it?
我当然知道… Uh… Of course I know…
我是灌水男了 …that I'm the Chugger.
我们是有机会获得相同信息的 群体中的一份子 We are a-- a part of a community of people who have access to the same information.
也就是为什么我现在要跑开 Which is, uh, why I'm going to run away.
去他的 我两个都要吃 You know what? Screw it. I'm getting both.
反正我今天有大把时间拉肚子 I got plenty of time for diarrhea today.
我就是灌水男？ I'm the Chugger?
你不是啊 谁这么说了？ Hey! No, you're not. Who told you?
为什么？我为什么是灌水男？ Why? Why am I The Chugger?
一切始于五十年前 It all started 50 years ago.
我和萝谢尔觉得很无聊 Rochelle and I were bored,
所以就去厨房偷了三十袋薯片 留着以后吃 so we went to the kitchen to steal 30 bags of chips for later.
接着你走了进来 我们的生活就从此改变了 And then you walked in and our lives changed forever.
你喝了一杯水 咕咚咕咚地真的好大声 You drank a cup of water and it was really loud.
等等 就这样？就因为我喝水了？ Wait. That's it? I drank water?
对 但真的超大声的 Yes, like really loud, though.
真的很好笑 因为你喝了好大一杯 And it was funny because it was a really big cup.
所以你们在我背后嘲笑我 笑了五十年了？ So you've been laughing about me behind my back for 50 years?
你本来不应该知道的嘛 Well, you weren't supposed to know about it.
要不是你在我电脑上搞那些有的没的 And this would have never happened
这一切就不会发生了 if you didn't try to do your dork shit on my computer.
真的很抱歉啊 我不像拿我来开玩笑的你和萝谢尔 Well, sorry if I'm not cool and fun like you and Rochelle,
那样酷、那样有趣 with your hilarious inside jokes about me.
我真心以为你讨厌我 因为我工作干得很糟 Well, I honestly assumed you hated me because I'm bad at my job
我都故意不看你的邮件 因为它们让我很压力 and I ignore all your emails on purpose because they stress me out.
我并不讨厌你 我觉得你挺酷的 Well, I don't hate you. I thought you were neat.
但我想你知道该如何处理 这份友谊了 第四个D But I guess you know what to do with this friendship, the fourth D.
是 当然了 第四个D Yeah, um, of course. The fourth D.
呃 这个D代表… Uh, and the D stands for…
删除！ Delete!
我那酷酷的巫师演示 你连听都没听 You didn't even listen to my cool wizard presentation.
操 Oh, fuck.
佩特拉 是我 加文 Petra. It's me, Gavin.
你好啊 加文 我能为你做些什么吗？ Oh! Hello, Gavin. Is there anything I can do for you?
我今晚要去一家意大利餐厅 吃意大利面 I wanna go eat spaghetti at an Italian restaurant tonight.
你要和我一起去 小精灵 You're coming with me, gremlin.
噢 所以是约会咯？ Oh! So, it's a date?
随你爱怎么叫 Yeah, fine. Whatever you wanna call it.
我今晚8点半用我的大臭车来接你 I'll pick you up in my big, stinky car at 8:30.
-穿宽松点的衣服 -哦耶！ -Wear something loose. -Yes!
你准备好去看一百个青少年 连续互蹭五个小时了吗？ Hey. You ready to go watch 100 teens grind for five hours straight?
你在说什么呢？ What're you talkin' about?
毕业舞会啊 记得吗？娜佳？ Uh… Prom night? Remember? Nadja?
噢 该死的 Oh, shit.
加文刚刚邀请我出去看他吃意大利面 Gavin just asked me out to watch him eat spaghetti.
可惜我们不是朋友了 不然我会很愿意给你代班的 Well, too bad we're not friends anymore or I'd offer to cover for you.
好吧 听着 Okay, here we go.
我很抱歉我因为比你强而沾沾自喜 I'm sorry I gloated about being better than you.
能不能拜托你给我代班 好让我能被加文狠狠操一顿？ Will you please cover for me so I can get hardcore humped by Gavin?
-哇 -说完了 -Wow. -There.
我怎么能对这么唯美的道歉说不呢？ How can I say no to a beautiful apology like that?
-所以你愿意帮我？ -好啦 但我不是为了你 -So you'll do it? -Fine. But I'm not doing this for you.
-我这么做是为了你的小穴 -好棒！ -I'm doing this for your snatch. -All right!
先失陪了 我得给我的洞洞热热身 Excuse me as I get my hoo-hoo ready.
喂 快他妈醒醒 该你上场了！ Hey! Wake the fuck up! It's go time.
哟哟哟 宾戈邦戈 道奇杜兰戈 Well, well, well. Bingo, bango, Dodge Durango.
不好意思 小姑娘 Pardon me, little lady,
你那迷死人不偿命 又圆润饱满的完美翘臀 is this seat next to your fat, fucking gorgeous,
旁边的座位有人吗？ ferkin', fuckin' perfect, fuckin' round fuckin' ass taken?
请坐吧 这位好先生 Please, good sir, take a seat.
我一整晚都在等着 I've been waiting all night for a gentleman
一位有条大鸡巴的绅士出现 with a heavy dick to come round.
我是鲍嘉 鲍嘉圣亨弗莱 The name's Bogart. Bogart Saint-Humphrey.
从我的塑料徽章可以看出来 As you can tell by my plastic badge,
我是冰雪皇后的初级冰淇淋元帅 I'm a Junior Blizzard Marshall at the Dairy Queen.
-我叫克娄巴特拉狄更斯 -好名字 -The name's Cleopatra Dickens. -Great name.
-我是一名世界级女间谍 -绝对的 -And I am a world-class spy. -I bet you are.
我正在追捕一个操逼狂魔 I'm on the hunt for a serial killer
他在全国各地操了很多逼 who's been murdering pussy all over the country.
你知道我在哪里 可以找到这位绅士吗？ Do you know where I might find this gentleman?
我也许有一些线索 I might have a couple of fuckin' leads.
（富兰克林高中 毕业舞会）
你今晚看起来真漂亮 You look so beautiful tonight.
你喜欢我 You like me.
噢 宝贝 别哭 Oh, babe, babe. No, don't cry.
我只是希望我们能一直像现在这样 I just wish things could stay like this.
我知道 我也是 No, I know. Me, too.
但我为你被伯克利加大录取 感到非常骄傲 But I'm so proud of you for getting into Berkeley.
让我们好好享受今晚 好吗？ Let's make the most of tonight, okay?
嗯 你说得对 现在不是哭的时候 Yeah, you're right. You're right. Crying is not the vibe.
我不想和丹妮儿谈远距离恋爱 I don't wanna do long-distance with Danielle.
我知道 她近距离看实在太火辣了 I know. She's so hot up close.
但佩特拉非要我上伯克利加大不可 But Petra's so psycho about me going to Berkeley.
这个嘛 佩特拉现在不在这里 Well, Petra's not here.
是诶 等等 她在哪儿？ Yeah, wait, where is she?
-篮球！ -嗯 -Basketball! -Yeah. Mm-hm.
-扑克！ -对 再来 -Oh, poker! -Yeah, come on. Come on.
-大男人的玩意儿！ -对 -Guy stuff! -Yup, yup, yup, yup.
-背部还是头发？ -哈？ -Back or hair? -What?
你想让我射哪里？背上还是头发上？ Where do you want me to cum? On your back or in your hair?
-都不要 你个疯子 -那我就扔在你的灯上了 -Neither, you lunatic. -Alright, I'll just throw it at your lamp.
你搞什么啊？那可是传家之宝！ What the fuck?! It's a family heirloom!
好棒 真得谢谢萝谢尔告诉我你想操 Whoo! Man. I am glad Rochelle told me you were down to fuck.
那是我的最爱 除了金枪鱼汤之外 It's my favorite thing, aside from tuna soup.
-什么？萝谢尔？ -是啊 她说你想要我的巨雕 -What? Excuse me? Rochelle? -Yeah, she said you wanted my hog.
那个该死的双面果蝇！ That two-faced fuckin' fruit-fly!
-嘿 你想成为男女朋友吗？ -才不要！ -Hey! You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend? -No!
很好！因为我是开玩笑的 Good! 'Cause I was… I was joking.
跟我说说这个到处操逼的家伙吧 So why don't you tell me all about this darn pussy killer man?
我确实有几条线索想和你分享 Well, I did find a few clues I'd like to share with you.
好呀 Oh, yeah.
它们正好就存放在我的屁眼和喉咙里 I happen to have been storing them in my asshole and throat.
看来我们应该回到犯罪现场 Sounds like we should return to the scene of the crime
大干一场来获取指纹 and fuck for fingerprints.
不好意思 Excuse me.
桑娅 我这就给你叫出租车 Sonya, I'm calling you a cab.
我没事 I'm good, I'm good. Oof!
靠 我们得过去看看她 Oh, shit. We need to check on her.
好啊 我在你体内淘金的时候 Well, I reckon she could spit tobacky at me
她可以朝我脸上吐烟沫 while I pan for gold inside your guts.
我碰巧也是个探矿者噢 I'm also a prospector. You should know.
桑娅 是我呀 康妮 Sonya! It's me, Connie,
因为云雨之事所以戴着假发 in a wig because of sex stuff.
我送你回家 好吗？ I'm gonna help you get home, okay?
别傻了 我能自己飞回去 Don't be silly, I'm fine to fly.
桑娅 别啊！ Sonya, no!
看到了吧 康妮？我安全到家了 See, Connie? I made it home fine.
毛瑞 帮我把她弄下来 Maury, help me get her down.
毛瑞？毛瑞是谁啊？ Maury? Who's Maury?
我是鲍嘉圣亨弗莱 来自马屌瀑布城的圣亨弗莱家族 I'm Bogart Saint-Humphrey of the Horsefuck Falls Saint-Humphreys.
嘿 如果我没这样做 我能喝醉吗？ Hey. If I wasn't this, could I do drunk?
别啊！ No, no, no, no, no!
-她其实做得挺好呢 -妈的 -She's actually doing really well. -Shit.
好了 够了 我们开车送她回家 All right. That's it. We're driving her home.
行 但如果我的鸡鸡 在午夜前还进不了你的洞洞 Fine. But if my crank isn't in your stank by midnight,
我就会大发雷霆哦 I'm gonna throw a huge hissy fit.
安静下来 孩子们 Quiet down, kids.
是时候宣布你们的舞会国王和女王了 It's time to announce your Prom King and Queen.
妞 听我说 我知道伯克利加大 是你的梦想学校 Okay, girl, I get that Berkeley is your dream school,
但丹妮儿是你的梦中情人 but Danielle is your dream girl.
你可能再也找不到这样的爱情了 And you might not find love like this ever again.
今年的舞会女王是… This year's Prom Queen is
娜佳埃尔库里！ Nadja El-Khoury.
什么？ Oh! What?
我的天哪！恭喜你 宝贝 Oh, my God. Mwah! Congrats, babe.
我好爱你 I love you so much.
我也爱你 I love you, too.
各位 向你们的女王鞠躬致敬吧 Now, everyone, bow down to your queen.
我说 赞颂她！ I said, celebrate her.
我就觉得大家都被我迷住了 I, uh… I had a feeling all of you were attracted to me
看来果然没错 谢谢大家 and this confirms it, so thank you.
真爱 梦中情人 True love dream girl.
这是你的机会 告诉她你的感受 This is your moment. Tell her how you feel.
什么？这是什么情况？ What? What's going on?
但我的心只属于一个女孩 Uh, but my heart does belong to one girl,
我想当着大家的面说… and I wanna say this in front of everyone…
不行 娜佳 不准跟着你愚蠢的心走！ No, Nadja, don't you dare listen to your stupid fucking heart!
丹妮儿 我爱你 而且… Danielle, I love you. And…
我要上罗格斯大学 宝贝 和你在一起！ I'm going to Rutgers, baby, to be with you.
不行！ No!
爱赢了 爱就是爱 Love wins! Love is love, love is love!
去你的 佩特拉！我赢了 婊子 Fuck you, Petra! I win, bitch.
-你是开心得不知所措吗？ -你为什么要这么做？ -Are you paralyzed by joy? -Why did you do that?
你不开心吗？我们不用分开了 我要拒绝伯克利加大 Aren't you happy? We're gonna be together. I'm turning down Berkeley.
对 你要为了我拒绝伯克利加大 Yeah. You're turning down Berkeley for me.
对啊 你为什么不高兴？ Yeah. Why are you upset?
我爱你 Look, I mean, I love you,
但在当着全校师生的面向我示爱之前 but you could've talked to me first before Jumbotron-proposing
你应该先跟我商量一下 in front of our whole school.
丹妮儿 等等 Danielle, wait.
-天哪 那是怎么回事？ -怎么回事？ -Oh my God! What just happened? -What the fuck just happened?
你把一切都搞砸了 就是这么回事 You fucked everything up, that's what the fuck just fucking happened.
（错误工厂）
嗨 这个座位有人吗？ Hi. Is this seat taken?
没有 但我在生你的气 所以别指望我像平时那样有趣 No. But I'm mad at you so don't expect me to be fun like I usually am.
好吧 听着 灌水男的事我真的很抱歉 Okay, look. I'm so sorry about the Chugger thing.
我只是没想到你会这么介意 I-- I guess I didn't think it would bother you so much.
你毕竟是一块石头嘛 I mean, you're a rock.
是 但石头也是有感情的 Yeah, but rocks have feelings.
我还以为你们喜欢我呢 And I thought you guys liked me.
什么嘛 我们当然喜欢你了 我们简直对你着迷 What? Of course we like you. We're obsessed with you.
你完全是个谜 You're like a total enigma.
当你说“我们”的时候 你是指你和萝谢尔吗？ So, um, like, when you say "we", do you mean, like, you and Rochelle?
-我的天哪 -干嘛？ -Oh my God. -What?
-你喜欢萝谢尔 -闭嘴啦 -You like Rochelle. -You shut the fuck up!
哇 你真的很喜欢萝谢尔呢 Whoa! You really like Rochelle.
你超级迷恋她 You've got a big, fat crush.
闭嘴 我才没有 No. Shh! No, I don't.
不好意思 你需要地图吗？ 因为你在她心里迷路了 Oh, I'm so sorry, are you from Moscow? Because you're crussian.
我没有喜欢她 我是认真的 I don't like her. I'm serious.
等等 你的心一定很疼吧？ Hold on, are you a sheep named Usher?
因为她卡在你心上了 Because you got it, you got it "baaahd."
好吧 算了 晚安 All right. You know what? Good night.
等一下 你的名字是皮特吗？ Wait, wait, wait. Is your name Pete?
因为你爱死她了 Because you fucking love her.
天哪 我真是这方面的天才 Oh, man, I'm so good at these.
你到底是怎么了？ What is your problem?
我不想成为你上罗格斯大学的原因 My problem is I don't wanna be the reason that you go to Rutgers.
我两天前还打算去那里的 Up until, like, two fucking days ago, I was gonna go there.
但现在情况不同了 这压力太大了 But things are different now. This is too much pressure.
压力？我们彼此相爱 你还给我指交了 Pressure? We're in love. You fingered me.
你到底有没有想过要谈异地恋？ Do you even want to do long-distance?
-我不知道 -你烂透了！ -No-- I-- I don't know. -You're being horrible!
真不敢相信你竟然这样耍我！ I can't believe you played me like that!
要是你乖乖接受罗格斯大学 我就不会找你麻烦了 I never would've had to mess with you if you'd just stayed with Rutgers.
要是我早知道你这么贱 And I would've never been your fuckin' friend
我就不会做你的朋友了！ if I'd known you were a fucking cunt!
我很抱歉 娜佳 拜托你别哭 I'm sorry, no. Nadja, please don't cry.
说实话 我以为我们会在夏天结束时 分手或什么的 Look, I… I honestly just assumed we would break up at the end of the summer or something.
-你说什么？ -我的意思是 这毕竟是高中 -Excuse me? -I mean, come on, we're in high school.
这个臭婊子刚刚说了什么？ What did this bitch just say?
好啊 没问题 既然迟早都要分手 那不如现在就分 Okay. Sure. I mean, if we're gonna break up anyway, why not just do it now?
-你是认真的吗？ -对 现在就做个了结 -Are you serious? -Yup. Let's just get it over with.
我们分手了 是你要分的 都结束了 祝你舞会玩得愉快 We're broken up. It's broken. You broke it. It's over. Happy prom.
别他妈跟着我 And don't fucking follow me.
我的天哪 她没跟来 操 Oh my God. She's not following me. Shit.
去你的 你个贱货！ Fuck you, you whore.
天啊 我想死 Oh, God, I wanna die.
我知道 我恨丹妮儿 I know. I hate Danielle.
我应不应该告诉她 这是再好不过的结局 Should I tell her this is the best thing that could have possibly happened
而且三个月后她会庆幸自己是单身？ and that, in three months, she'll be glad she's single?
明天再说吧 Let's wait till tomorrow.
明白 想不想借酒消愁？ Got it. Got it. Care to drown your sorrows?
哎 我真的以为她俩彼此相爱 Man, I really thought they loved each other.
她俩确实相爱 曾经相爱 谁在乎呢？ They do, they did, who cares.
她要去伯克利加大了 她会找到留脏辫的白人女朋友 She's going to Berkeley. She'll meet a white girl with dreads.
最好不要 真受不了这些青少年 I hope not. Fuckin' teenagers.
你到底是怎么了 桑娅？ What's going on with you, Sonya?
我知道你丢了工作 但这也… I know you lost your job, but this seems--
不仅仅是那样 It's more than that.
天啊 我做了一件坏事 Oh God. I did a bad thing.
-靠 你杀了人吗？ -康妮… -Oh, shoot, did you kill someone? -Connie…
那个人是高个子还是矮个子啊？ Ooh, did the body used to be a big person or a small person?
我得知道要准备多少个背包 I just need to know how many backpacks to bring.
我不能说出来 I can't talk about it.
没关系 亲爱的 我还是会留下来的 That's okay, honey. I'm still here.
你能陪我一起睡吗？ Will you sleep in bed with me?
我不想一个人呆着 I don't want to be alone.
当然 亲爱的 我不想一个人呆着 Of course, baby. I don't want to be alone.
Of course, baby. 当然 亲爱的
等一下哈 我得去跟毛瑞说一声 One second, I just gotta break the news to Maury.
毛瑞？回家吧 我们今晚没戏了 Maury? Go home, we're not porking tonight.
毛瑞？鲍嘉圣亨弗莱？ Maury? Bogart Saint-Humphrey?
这是什么啊？ What is this?
全女性黄片？ An all-female porno?
佳得乐？ A Gatorade?
还有一张纸条 And a note.
“亲爱的克娄巴特拉 "Dearest Cleopatra,
我想你和你的女性朋友 今晚需要一点空间 I reckon you and your lady friend need a little space tonight."
但在日出时分 我的肉棒将在你体内任意驰骋 "But come sunrise, I will giddy-up all in your pussy."
你忠心的骏马 鲍嘉圣亨弗莱 来自马屌瀑布城的圣亨弗莱家族” "Your trusty steed, Bogart Saint-Humphrey of the Horsefuck Falls Saint-Humphreys."
真贴心 Well, ain't that sweet?
“亲爱的圣亨弗莱先生 "Dear Mr. Saint-Humphrey."
操逼狂魔仍逍遥法外 "Pussy slaying suspect is still at large."
明天继续跟进此案 "Back on the case tomorrow."
克娄巴特拉敬启” "Signed, Cleopatra."
“附言：你真是一位绅士” "P.S. You truly are a gentleman."
我真是一位绅士 I am such a gentleman. I'm such a gentleman.
我真是一位绅士 I'm such a fucking gentleman. I'm such a fucking gentleman!
我他妈真是一位绅士！ I'm such a fucking gentleman!
我操 我爱死角色扮演了 Oh, God. Fuck, I love role play.
娜佳和我哭了一整晚呢 太不公平了 Nadja and I were up crying all night. It's so unfair.
你有没有考虑过 给丹妮儿连续狂发一百条短信？ Well, have you considered texting Danielle a hundred times in a row?
对我来说是不管用啦 但我还是想建议一下 I mean, that never works for me, but I figured I'd suggest it anyway.
嗯 谢谢了 Yeah. Thanks.
哦 皮特 把你那可爱的屁股挪过来 Oh, Pete. Get your gorgeous ass over here.
很抱歉我刚刚对你性骚扰了 I'm sorry I sexually harassed you just now.
请你当我没夸过你的屁股 然后把你的屁股挪过来 Uh, please forget I said that thing about your ass and bring that ass over here.
你想干嘛？ What do you want?
我正准备告诉萝谢尔 I was just about to tell Rochelle
收件箱归零有多棒呢 about how awesome Inbox Zero is.
-那个堕胎诊所？ -那确实很棒 但我不是指那个 -The abortion clinic? -Uh, yeah, actually, but-- but no, no, no.
我是指皮特用来组织邮件的神奇系统 I meant Pete's amazing system for organizing emails.
他组织起邮件来简直像魔法师一样 He's a real sorcerer with that shit.
严格来说是巫师 Well, uh, technically, a wizard.
拥有与生俱来且自幼培养的魔法能力 才称得上是魔法师 Sorcerers are born with intuitive magical ability that's nurtured at a very young age.
皮特 住嘴 Oh, Pete. No, no, no.
我想说的是 皮特的系统可以帮你转移注意力 My point is that Pete's system is a great distraction
让你暂时把感情和情绪抛在脑后 from things like feelings and emotions.
-不知道诶… -来嘛 会很有趣的 -I don't know. -Oh, come on, it'll be fun.
萝谢尔 好好享受 皮特硬邦邦的屁股吧 Rochelle, enjoy Pete's rock-hard ass.
皮特 别举报我 你个性感尤物 Pete, don't report me, you sexpot.
拜拜啦 Byeee.
欢迎来到收件箱归零的奇幻世界 Welcome to the magical world of Inbox Zero.
我知道你在想什么 “零”是指收件箱里没有任何邮件 Now I know what you're thinking, "zero" refers to zero emails in your inbox.
这是不正确的 That is incorrect.
你个书呆子 You fuckin' nerd.
是这样的 “零”实际上是指 你应该在收件箱上花费的时间 Okay, "Zero" actually refers to the amount of time you should spend looking at your inbox.
这是一个理清思绪的好方法 It is a great way to declutter your mind.
首先 白天不要一直开着邮件客户端 Now, first off, don't leave your email client open during the day.
只需每逢整点查看一次 Just check in at the top of the hour,
然后尽快删除或存档尽可能多的邮件 and then quickly try to delete or archive as many emails as possible.
能在两分钟内回复的邮件 If you can reply to an email in under two minutes,
就应该回复 但如果需要更长时间 you should do it, but if you need longer,
就应该转移到可操作的文件夹中 then you should move the email into an actionable folder.
然后你可以在一天中 慢慢对需要答复的邮件作出回应 Then you can chip away at those emails requiring responses throughout the day.
现在来说说标签和文件夹 Now, um, let's talk Labels versus Folders.
你可以把标签看作是便条 Now, think of Labels as Sticky Notes.
一封邮件可以用多个标签进行分类 An email can be categorized with multiple labels,
但只能放在一个文件夹里 but it can only go in one folder.
我觉得这个系统很有帮助 因为… Now, I find this system helpful because--
哦 你睡着了？ Oh, you're sleeping?
好吧 嗯 我去拿杯水 Okay, um, I'm gonna go grab a glass of water.