沃特，嗨，是乔治 Yeah, Walter. Hi, it's George.
我知道这是星期六第三次打电话给你 I know it's my third call on a Saturday,
但是Lockwise Helping Hand 帐户有点问题 but I'm having a bit of a problem with the Lockwise Helping Hand account.
我知道它是你的命根子，你会纠正它的 Now, I know it's your baby, and I know you'll straighten it out,
我想今天去办公室头一件是就是看能不能解决它 but, well, I'm thinking of heading into the office today to see if I can sort it out.
那么，没问题，星期一见 So, no problems. We'll see you on Monday.
别担心，替我向瑞贝卡问好。再见 Don't worry about it. Give my Iove to Rebecca. Bye-bye.
芭芭拉，别这样 - 不 - Barbara, stop it. - No.
你要吃药 -不，我不吃 - You need this. - No, I will not.
乔治 George!
乔治，对了，乔治在哪儿？ George, yes. Where is George?
我要跟他说 -我不知道 - I would Iike to speak to him. - I don't know.
我甚至不知道你是谁，年轻人 I don't even know who you are, young Iady.
乔治 - 谢天谢地 - George. - Thank God.
乔治，这年轻人是谁 George, who is this young Iady?
给你，亲爱的 - 这... - Here, honey. - That's...
我做不了 I can't do this.
这是我妻子，妈妈 That's my wife, Mom.
不，她太年轻了 No. She's too young.
她多大了 How old is she?
我们九年前结的婚，记得吗？ We were married nine years ago, remember?
她九岁？ She's nine years old?
我们结婚已经九年啦，结婚 Our marriage is nine years old, our marriage.
她是你第二个妻子 She's the second one.
不，我喜欢另一个 No. I adored the other one.
我知道，妈妈，但她试图杀了我 I know, Mom, but, you know, she tried to kill me.
不，她没有，这只是小小的交通事故 No, she didn't. That was just a Iittle hit-and-run.
好吧，可我做了两个月的牵引治疗 Yeah, well, I was in traction for two months.
我不记得了 I don't remember that.
吃药吧 - 我喜欢这个 - Here you go. - I Iike this one.
-这是最受欢迎的- 是的 - Well, that's the most popular one. - Yeah.
顺一顺 There you go.
我们不需要这样做 - 我知道 - We aren't done with this. - Yes, I know. I know.
为什么你星期六要穿衬衫打领带呢? And why are you wearing a shirt and tie on a Saturday?
我要去趟办公室 I have to go into the office.
你要去办公室？ - 是的 - You're going into the office? - Yes.
什么时候 - 现在 - When? - Now.
乔治，难道你忘了吗？ George, aren't you forgetting something?
不，我没有 No, I'm not.
我爱你 I Iove you.
说好的，你儿子 Nice try. Your son.
你答应他你今天会去看他的棒球比赛 You promised him you would take him to his baseball game today.
这次我没有答应，是你答应的 I'm not telling him this time. You do it.
亲爱的，我会准时回来的 - 比赛不是2：00才开始吗 Honey, I'll be back in time. The game doesn't start until 2:00.
1 :00.
我会回来的 I'll be back.
妈妈，爸爸，奶奶不吃东西 Mom, Dad, Grandma isn't eating.
上帝啊，我讨厌老人 God, I hate old people.
注意措词，年轻人 Watch your mouth, young Iady.
为什么？ 她不是不明白我们说什么吗 Why? It's not Iike she understands anything we're saying.
你懂什么？ 我受够你这种态度了 You know what? I've had just about enough of your attitude.
喂？ 你在听吗？ Hello? You Iistening?
iPOD，他们可以忽视继母的存在 iPod. They were made to ignore the stepmother.
乔治 George?
亲爱的，把耳机拿掉，请听你妈妈说话 Honey, would you take those things off, please, and Iisten to your mother?
好的， 她不是我妈妈 Okay, she is not my mother.
她只是个叫妈妈的东西 She's the mother of that thing.
-你是东西 - 你是 - You're the thing. - You're a thing.
你是东西，姐姐 - 别叫我姐姐 - You're a thing, sister. - Don't call me that.
爸爸，今天的比赛我真的很兴奋 Dad, I'm really excited about the game today.
如果你在的话会更棒的 It's gonna be so cool having you there.
杰瑞米的爸爸总是在那儿，但如果我丢球的话，他老是骂我 Jeremy's dad is always there, but he yells at me if I miss the ball.
儿子，今天不会有人骂你了 Well, that's not gonna happen today, son.
现在，我要去办公室 Now, I've got to run to the office,
但我会准时回来带你去参加比赛的 but I'll be back in time to take you to your game.
你答应了？ You promise?
确定以及肯定 Scout's honor.
别忘了 1：00 Don't forget. I:00.
他不会来的 He's not coming.
那是星际迷航的手势 That was the Star Trek sign.
他是星际迷航迷 He's a Trekkie.
我也是 And so am I.
早上好，杰姬 - 你好 - Morning, Jackie. - Hello.
你不希望每天都这么安静吗？ Don't you wish it was this quiet every day?
小心你的愿望 Be careful what you wish for.
Gotta be mine
Gotta be strong
A Iittle while
And you got nothing to be guilty of
你待会儿就唱不出来了 You might not wanna sing that song.
好的，全部销毁 Okay. Shred everything.
我的碎纸机坏了，我需要另一台 My shredder's broken. I need another shredder!
开始吧 - 谁已经有了 - Here we go! - Who's got one?
不要留下任何证据，什么都不要留，明白吗？ Don't Ieave any evidence. Nothing. Okay?
把他们放在箱子里 - 让我过一下，让我过一下 - Put 'em in a box! - Let me through. Let me through.
全部销毁！ 这儿，这儿，就这儿 Shred everything! Here, here. Right here!
所有的箱子 AII the boxes!
好的，拿这两个 - 你在干什么？ AII right. Grab those two! What are you doing?
就放这儿！任何东西 Just get it in here! Anything!
我多了一个 I got one more!
这是最后一季度的吗？ 是的 - Is it the Iast quarter? - Yeah.
所有的都不要了 Dump everything!
乔治，过来。老兄 George, come in here, buddy.
进来，进来，进来 Come in, come in, come in.
沃特，发生什么事了？ Walter, what's going on?
听着，把你的钱从银行取出来吧 Hey, Iisten, pull your money out of the bank,
在星期一上午10：00都投进你的股票和基金吧 cash in all your stocks and bonds by 10:00 a.m. Monday morning.
为什么 Why?
CNN 正在做一个调查报道 Well, CNN is doing one of those investigative reports
关于Lockwise 工业的 about Lockwise Industries.
太好了，这对我们的生意有好处啊 That's fantastic. That'll be great for business.
实际上不是，他们会说我们已经实施庞氏骗局七年了 Not really. They're gonna say we've been running a Ponzi scheme for seven years.
他们不能这么说，沃特，这是诽谤 Well, they can't say that, Walter. That's Iibelous.
我知道，公司已经营运了100多年了 I mean, this firm's been operating successfully for over 100 years.
是的是的，公司关注慈善事业，Helping Hands Yeah, yeah, they're focusing on the charity division, Helping Hands.
Helping Hands在过去八年越做越好了 Helping Hands has been going strong for over eight years.
我知道，我是财务总监 I should know. I'm CFO.
是的是的，你是 Yeah. Yeah, you are.
你能再说一遍吗，关于财务总监那部分 Could you say that again, the part about the CFO?
我是财务总监，我应该知道 I'm CFO. I should know.
好的，很好，很好。谢谢 Right. Perfect, perfect. Thanks.
沃特，他们报道的是我们公司吗 Walter, are they reporting that it's our division?
是的，你们公司 Yeah. Your division.
但我有全部的记录 But I have all the records.
再说一遍 Say that again.
但我有全部的记录 But I have all the records.
很好，现在销毁他们 Perfect. Now shred them.
沃特 - 啊 - Walter. - Yeah.
你说什么 What are you saying?
我说所有的钱 I'm saying that all the monies
进入Lockwise Industries Helping Hands 慈善投资集团 that came into Lockwise Industries' Helping Hands charity investment group
是庞氏骗局的一部分 are part of a big, old Ponzi scheme.
什么 What?
是的，天啊 Yeah. Christ.
够忙一阵子的了 It worked for a while.
我很难过把你推出去当替罪羊 I almost feel bad for hanging you out to dry Iike this.
你应该看看你的脸，哥们 You should see your face, dude.
顺便提一下，这对你可不妙呀 And by the way, this is not gonna be pretty for you.
我感觉糟透了 I feel awful.
真糟糕 Horrible.
什么？ 但是... What? But...
说我吗？ For me?
你曾经只是个低级会计，记得吗 You were a Iowly accountant, remember?
我把你从案头工作中提拔上来做财务总监 And then I pull you out of bookkeeping and make you the CFO.
我知道，你没有经验，根本没有 I mean, you had no experience whatsoever. None. None at all.
我之前在这儿工作了5年，沃特 I had worked here five years prior to that, Walter.
我努力工作，我以为是我挣来的 - 你是很努力工作 - I was working hard. I thought I earned it. - You did work hard.
这儿没有人是挣来的。 我也是用自己的方式才进入高层的。 Nobody earns it around here. I had to bang my way to the top.
而董事会有太多的女强人 And there's a Iot of big women on the Board of Directors here.
这就是努力，努力去站稳脚跟。 And that was hard, and it was hard to stay hard.
所以别跟我谈什么努力 So don't talk to me about "hard."
好吗？ 这就是我们付给你七位数薪水的原因 Okay? You were paid a seven-figure salary for exactly this reason.
什么原因 What reason?
你将要代人受罪，你已经得到报酬了 So you could take the fall. Man, you've been paid to be screwed.
真是嫉妒呀。 哦， 好了 Kind ofjealous. Oh, well.
沃特， 我对此一无所知 Walter, I knew nothing about this.
是的，我知道， 我知道， 对不起 Yeah, I know. I know. Sorry.
你用什么方式去撇清自己 Would have ruined it if you had, kind of.
我就说为什么我不能把这些帐做平的理由 Well, that explains why I couldn't get those accounts to balance.
现在你去想吧 Now you're thinking.
那些慈善机构怎么办？ 沃特，82家慈善机构 What about the charities? Walter, 82 charities.
他们认为他们的钱应该是安全的 They think their monies are safe.
我正要把你交给联邦政府人员 I'm handing you over to the Feds,
而你却在关心那些愚蠢的慈善机构？ and all you care about is the stupid charities?
顺便告诉你，只有12家慈善机构 By the way, there's only 12 charities.
有82家慈善机构 There's 82 charities.
不，只有12家，另外70家是马龙家族的 No, there's 12. The other 70 companies were set up by the Malone family.
真麻烦 Awkward.
黑手党马龙？ The Mafia Malones?
你帮他们洗过钱了，哥们 You've been Iaundering money, dude.
是的，这对你来说真是太糟糕了 Yeah, this is gonna be really awful for you.
嘿，哥们，当你启动汽车的时候小心点 Hey, man, be careful when you start your car.
这不是真的 This is not happening.
庞氏骗局？ 庞氏骗局？ A Ponzi scheme? A Ponzi scheme?
沃特，那些投资者的钱在哪里？ Walter, where are the investors' monies?
沃特？ 沃特！ Walter? Walter!
好的，淡定，淡定... Okay, calm down. Calm, calm, calm. Calm down.
就这样，就这样 That's it. That's it.
冷静下来 Just calm down.
我冷静不了，我冷静不了 I'm not calming. I'm not calming. I'm not calming.
嗨，头，这就是我要找的人 - 有什么？ - Hey, boss, just the person I wanna see. - What do you have?
我们已经在调查马龙家族了，是吗？ So I've been Iooking into the Malone crime family, right?
我找到更多线索 And the more I Iook at them,
我发现他们跟这家公司联系过 I'm finding that they're connected to this company
一家叫Lockwise的慈善基金投资公司 that does a Iot of charity investment work, called Lockwise.
是吗？ Yes?
我认为他们可能通过这家公司洗钱 I think they may be Iaundering money through them.
我们已经跟踪这些家伙很多年了 - 是的 - We've been after these guys for years. - Yeah.
那你去查查看能不能找到些什么，好吗？ Why don't you see what you can find out, okay?
好的 Okay.
谢谢 Thanks a Iot.
乔治 George?
我已经找你很久了 I've been calling you for hours.
是的，我知道，我知道 Yeah, I know. I know.
他怎么了？ How is he?
他只是心烦，一会儿就好 - 很好 - He was upset, but he'll be fine. - That's good.
是真的吗？ Is it true?
什么？ What?
算了，乔治。别跟我玩游戏 Come on, George. Don't play games with me.
所有的人都在谈论今天发生的事 AII the wives were talking about it at the field today.
亲爱的 Honey,
我发誓我真的没想到事情会变成这样 I swear I had no idea this was going on.
是的，没有 Okay? None.
我走进办公室，碰见了沃特，他说 I walked into the office, and there's Walter, and he's saying,
为什么不销毁材料？销毁一切 "Why don't you shred stuff? Shred whatever you have.
放在桌子上的，一切的一切 "Shred what's in your desk. Just shred everything."
我问:发生什么事了 And I'm going, "What's going on?"
他说：你要代人受罪 And he's saying, "You're gonna take the fall for this,
因为这是庞氏骗局，而你是其中的一员 "because it's a Ponzi scheme. It's a Ponzi scheme, and you're the one.
你要完蛋了，因为你是财务总监 "You're going down, 'cause you're the CFO."
你知道吗？他们判了伯尼马多夫200年，亲爱的 You know? I mean, they gave Bernie Madoff 200 years, honey.
你认为他们会怎么对我，他们会怎么做 What do you think they're gonna do to me? What do you think they're gonna do?
孩子们会怎么样，会怎么样啊？ And what's gonna happen with the kids? What's gonna happen?
哈维会害怕的，你知道的. “爸爸。你错过了比赛” Howie's afraid, you know, "Dad, you missed a game."
我会错过38个赛季的 I'm gonna miss 38 seasons.
亲爱的，我有麻烦了 Sweetheart, I'm in trouble.
淡定 - 好的 - Calm down. - Okay.
我们要找个律师 - 律师 - We need to get a Iawyer. - A Iawyer.
然后你去你妈妈那儿 And then you need to go to your mom's
去找找安定片 and go find your mom's Valium.
从我妈妈袋子里拿一片安定 Get a Valium out of my mom's purse.
好的，你能做到吗？ 现在就去。- 好的 - Okay. Can you do that? Like right now. - Okay.
你需要冷静下来 And you need to calm down.
亲爱的 - 我会好起来的 - Honey. - It's gonna be okay.
会的，会的。 - 是的 - It will be. It will be. - Yes.
你知道，最低的生活保障，也不是那么坏 You know, minimum security. It's not that bad.
嘿，马蒂亚 Hey, Madea.
嘿，罗兰妮，最近怎样？ 很高兴见到你 Hey, Lorraine, how you doing? Good to see you.
天啊，月初就这么多人来这儿 Lord, it's a zoo up in there on the first of the month.
对不起，夫人，你需要购物车吗？我不想把它送回去 Excuse me, ma'am. You wanna take this? I don't feel Iike taking it back.
谢谢，这儿人太多了，小心点 Thank you so much. It's crazy up in there. Be careful.
他们不接受刷EBT卡了 They ain't taking that EBT card. They stopped taking that.
我要去找一个能刷卡的地方 I got to go somewhere else that take that.
是的，我要把我的EBT卡烧了 Yeah, I got to go burn up my EBT card.
把钱交出来 Give me your money.
这把枪很可爱，孩子，滚出这辆车 That's a cute Iittle gun you got, boy. Get out this car.
女士，我会伤害你的。把钱交出来 Lady, I will stab and shoot you. Give me your money.
孩子，我只说一遍，OK? Son, I'm gonna tell you this one time, okay?
我要你滚出车去做你该做的事 I want you to get out of this car and go on about your business.
去找份工作 Go get you a job.
你不该从我这样努力工作的人身上偷东西 You ain't supposed to be stealing from nobody working as hard as I...
你到底为什么到这儿来偷穷人的钱 What the hell you got to come over here and steal from the poor for?
滚出去，这是警告，孩子，滚出去，现在，快 Get out the car. This is your warning, son. Get out the car. Now, go on.
那给我钱 Then give me your money!
我工作了很久才拿到社会保障卡，现在，我得到了 I worked for years to get my Social Security. Now, I finally got it.
我没有固定收入 I ain't on no fixed income.
我没有钱，因为我什么都没有 I'm on a broke income, 'cause I'm broke as hell.
现在，我要你滚出去 Now, I want you to get the hell out of this car.
给你个机会，滚出去，孩子，快，去找份工作 This is your chance. Get out of the car, son. Go on, now. Go get you a job.
我再说一遍，老太婆 I'm gonna ask you one more time, old woman.
我也再说一遍 I'm gonna tell you one more time.
听我说，滚出这辆车，去找份工作，你明白吗？ Look here! Get out of this car. Go find you a job. Do you understand me?
全世界的人都在努力工作 They got people all over the world that is working hard,
而你这年轻的坏蛋却想从别人这里拿钱 and y'all young thugs gonna come try to take money from somebody.
我快疯了，现在，你快让我发疯了 That makes me mad. Now, you about to make me mad.
你让我太生气了，现在，滚出这辆车，孩子 You about to piss me off. Now, get on out the car, son.
我数到三 - 好的 - I'm gonna count to three. - Okay.
1，2，3 One, two, three.
4 Four.
5 Five.
我想你已经数到三了，孩子，让我告诉你 I thought you was gonna count to three. Son. Son, son, Iet me tell you something.
滚出这辆车去做你的事吧 Get out the car and go on about your business.
现在，这是你最后的机会，最后一次机会，现在我要走了 Now, this is your Iast chance. This is your Iast chance. Now I got to go.
再一次，1，2，... One more time. One, two...
3 Three!
我们走这里 Let's go this way.
把安全带绑上，你需要椅子吗？ Put your seat belt on. You need a car seat?
来抢我的钱 Come get my money!
抢我辛辛苦苦工作赚来的钱 Trying to take my damn money that I worked this hard for.
女士 Lady!
我没有买保险，女士！ I don't got insurance, Iady!
慢点！开慢点！ Slow down! Slow down!
你尖叫的样子就象个婊子 You're screaming straight up Iike a Iittle biatch!
我要回家！ I want to go home!
你不是要钱吗？你来就是要钱的，我也是要钱的 You want the money? You come get it. I come get the money.
我是个暴徒，我是个暴徒 - 你疯了吗？ - I'm a real thug! I'm a real thug! - You crazy!
哦，天啊 Oh, my God!
杰克！ Jake!
对不起，拿去吧 I'm sorry. Take it.
嘿，有什么消息吗？ Hey, what do you got?
我刚刚跟证券交易委员会通过电话 Well, just got off the phone with the SEC,
Lockwise 慈善机构好像被定义为庞氏骗局 and it seems that this Lockwise charity is definitely a Ponzi scheme.
首席运营官是一个叫沃特彭斯的人 COO, one Walter Burns.
财务总监， 乔治尼德尔曼，从来没听说过这人 CFO, George Needleman. Never heard of him.
把他们两个都抓起来 Let's arrest them both.
但是彭斯已经坐他的私人飞机走了 Well, it turns out that Burns is on a private jet,
根据联邦航空局的记录，去欧洲，飞机已经起飞5小时了 according to the FAA, to Europe. Took off five hours ago.
所以，我确定他不会被引渡回来的，但是，这个人，乔治，现在... So I'm sure he's gonna fight extradition. But our boy, George, now...
乔治男孩？我喜欢乔治男孩 Boy George? I Iove Boy George.
Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go You come and go
长官？ Sir?
对不起 Sorry.
乔治尼德尔曼？ 我们的人随时都可以抓他 George Needleman? Our guys should be knocking at his door at any minute.
很好 Great.
如果他能作为污点证人去指控马龙家族岂不更好？ Well, it'd be great if we could get him to testify against the Malones,
但这也许很难办到. but that may be a tall order.
好的，但不许跟他有交易 Okay, but no deal for him.
听着，我已经厌倦这些人的贪得无厌 Look, I'm tired of these people sticking it to the poor.
长官，如果我们不跟他交易的话 Sir, if we don't offer him a deal,
他怎么会提供有力的证词去指控这些匪徒呢 what incentive does he have to testify against the mob?
很简单，布里安 It's very simple, Brian.
如果他作证的话，马龙的人会试图干掉他 If he testifies, the Malones will probably kill him.
如果他不作证的话，他的余生就将在监狱里度过 If he doesn't, he goes to prison for the rest of his Iife.
这是双赢 It's a win-win.
长官，我认为我们应该考虑... Sir, I think we should consider...
不，不需要，我要让他崩溃 No, you don't. I want him fried.
现在，让我们的人在马龙之前抓住他 Now, get our agents there before the Malone family gets to him.
是的，长官 Yes, sir.
嗨，我是乔治尼德尔曼，找杰弗里 Hi, it's George Needleman calling for Jeffrey.
好的，我等他 Yes, I'll hold.
我的车钥匙哪儿去了？ Where are my car keys?
你没有开车了，芭芭拉 You don't drive anymore, Barbara.
我知道 I know that.
爸爸，我希望你今天能在那儿看我比赛 Dad, I wish you could have been there today.
亲爱的，你爸爸很忙 Honey, your dad was very busy.
你这笨蛋. 你应该放弃比赛了 You suck. You should probably just give it up.
不，我没有 No, I don't.
有，你放弃了 Yes, you do.
我刚刚发了微博 And I just tweeted that.
爸！-哈维，别吵了 - Dad! - Howie, stop.
你爸爸在打电话，吃你的晚饭吧 Your dad's on the phone. Eat your dinner.
好的，谢谢 Okay, thank you.
他说什么？ What'd he say?
他秘书说他会推荐一个辩护律师 Well, his secretary said that he would recommend an attorney,
但他不会替我辩护 but that he didn't wanna represent me.
我们跟他认识这么久了 After all those years of business with him?
是的 Yeah.
杰弗里怎么说？ What about Jeffrey?
没人回我电话 Nobody's returning my calls.
有人看到我车钥匙了吗？ Has anyone seen my car keys?
妈妈，你没有开车啦 Mom, you don't drive anymore.
今天是光明节吗？ Is it Hanukkah?
不是光明节 No, it's not Hanukkah.
是光明节。一个帅哥让我把这个包裹给乔治 Yes, it is. That's why that nice young man asked me to deliver this package to George.
要走远路了，所以我要我的车钥匙 And it's a Iong drive, and so I need my car keys.
妈妈，谁给你的包裹 Mom, who gave you this?
在后院 In the backyard,
一个阳光帅哥，穿着黑西装和有着一头闪亮的黑发 this man with a shiny, black suit and black, shiny hair.
乔治，有张字条 George, there's a note.
你从我这儿嗒嗒 "You tock from me."
“拿” ，亲爱的，是“ 拿” "Take," honey. That says "take."
不，我想是“嗒嗒”， 亲爱的，嗒嗒 No, I think that's "tock," honey. T-O-C-K.
读吧 Just read it.
这人应该好好上一下拼音课 Well, the man obviously needs a spelling Iesson,
更不用说他的语法了 not to mention his grammar.
我们可以把礼物打开吗？ Can we open the present now?
妈妈，你知道什么？我们不能打开它 Mom, you know what? Let's not open this.
不，这太可笑了 No, this is ridiculous.
哦，天啊 Oh, my God!
是只死耗子 - 我知道 - It's a dead rat. - I know.
这是什么意思？ What does this mean?
所有的耗子都死了 AII rats die.
哦，天啊。乔治 Oh, my God. George.
别动，待在这儿，好吗？ Don't move. Just stay here, okay?
别动 Don't move.
待在这儿 Stay here.
乔治尼德尔曼？ George Needleman?
是的 Yes.
FBI， 你被捕了 FBI. You're under arrest.
不 No!
我不能相信 I can't believe this.
你不能保释. 你的银行帐户也被冻结了. 乔治 You can't make bail. Your accounts are frozen, George.
事情是这样的 Well, here's the thing.
我没有做错什么，我想回家 I haven't done anything wrong. I just wanna go home.
这不可能 That's not gonna happen.
马龙家族想杀掉你，乔治 The Malone family is trying to kill you, George.
我们准备给你提供证人保护 We've been given orders to keep you protected.
什么意思 What does that mean?
意思是说，你和你的家人要和我们待在一起 It means you and your family are coming with us.
尼德尔曼有麻烦了 We have a problem with Needleman.
怎么回事 What happened?
我想马龙的人知道 I think Malone's boys know
我们要给他机会作为污点证人去指控他们 that we're gonna offer him a chance to testify against them,
所以他们下了必杀令 so they sent their signature.
他没事吧 Is he all right?
是的，我们正把他从那儿弄出来 Yeah, we're getting him out of there now.
很好，我马上给法警打电话 Good, I'll get on the phone with the US Marshals right away...
不，不，他们不能去我们常规的安全屋 No, no. No, no. They can't go into one of our regular safe houses.
马龙以前收买过我们的人 The Malones have penetrated our guys before.
我们现在要把他移到其他安全的地方 We need to move him some place safe, now
好主意，有什么建议吗？ Good idea. What do you suggest?
不知道，但这是明天的头等大事 I don't know, but first thing tomorrow morning,
他们已经在来的飞机上了 they're on a plane headed here.
你安排好后别告诉任何人，包括我 You figure it out and tell no one. Not even me.
长官，我家里小孩在等着我 Sir, I've got kids at my house.
我不知道跟家里要怎么说... I don't know what I would do with a whole family of...
我不知道.你作为检察官已经有一段时间了 I don't know. You've been a prosecutor for over a year.
这对你来说是个大案子. 布里安. 处理好它 This is a big case for you, Brian. Handle it.
杰克 Jake.
你在这儿干嘛？ What you doing here?
你看到了，我在帮你阿姨打扫外面 You know, I'm just helping your auntie out.
你做什么了？ What'd you do?
我试图抢劫她 I tried to rob her.
小子，你到底怎么啦？我以为你已经放弃打打杀杀了 Boy, what is wrong with you? I thought you gave up the gang banging.
到底咋啦？ - 我有麻烦了 - What the hell? - I'm in trouble.
我爸要我负责教堂的按揭支付筹款 My dad put me in charge of the church's mortgage payoff fundraiser.
我把一些钱给弄丢了 I think I may have lost the money.
怎么了？ How?
我投资给一些公司，可现在他们不还我钱 I invested in some company, and now they won't return my calls.
哦，杰克 Jake, come on, man.
我知道，可他会杀了我 I know, and he's gonna kill me!
他只看重如何付教堂的抵押贷款 He just wanted to pay the church's mortgage off
这样他就能平安退休了 so that he could retire in peace.
看我做了什么. 他真是有病 Look what I did. And he's so sick.
我知道那些教堂的人告诉他不要让我管钱 I mean, those people at the church told him not to make me trustee of the money.
但你知道我爸爸怎么说的？“你爸爸是怎么做的，杰克” But you know what my dad did? "What your dad did, Jake?"
我爸爸就告诉他们让我管钱 My dad went up there and told them I was a changed man!
你知道他还说过什么吗？ You know what else he said?
他说：“每个人都应该有二次机会." He said, "Everybody deserves a second chance."
冷静点 - 你知道吗？ 他说"每个人" - Calm down, man. - You know? He said, "Everybody."
杰克，杰克. -他就让我管钱了 - Jake. Jake. - He did that for me.
你知道吗？-嘿，嘿，嘿 - And you know what? - Hey, hey, hey.
在马蒂亚出来踹你之前冷静下来 Calm down before Madea comes out and slaps the hell out of you.
布里安，你要帮我把这些钱从Lockwise那里要回来 Look, Brian, I need you to help me get this money back from Lockwise.
Lockwise 工业？纽约？ Lockwise Industries? New York?
是的 Yeah.
这是个骗局 That is a Ponzi scheme, man.
我不知道怎样才能帮你把那些钱要回来 I don't know how I can help you get any money back from there.
我们正在调查他们 We're investigating them.
很多人被骗了，而这些家伙们却过着奢华的生活 A Iot of people invest in these companies, and those guys live this lavish lifestyle.
他们把钱都花光了，没钱了 They spend all the money, so there is no money.
无论政府怎么找 And whatever the government can find,
也许还给被骗者只有一些小钱罢了 maybe it's pennies on the dollar that they can get back to the investors.
我不知道我能帮你什么 I don't know how I can help you, man.
布里安,我要把这些钱要回来 Brian, I got to get this money back.
多少钱 How much money you talking?
$114,000.
你抢马蒂亚?马蒂亚没有那么多钱.你都干些什么了 You were robbing Madea? Madea doesn't have that kind of money. What were you...
杰克,别说你准备去抢很多老太婆 Jake, don't tell me you were gonna rob a bunch of old women.
你有没有想要抢多少老太婆才能凑够$114,000? How many little old ladies you think you gonna have to rob to get $114,000?
114,000.
小子,滚回家去吧 Boy, get your ass off my porch and go home!
好的,夫人 Yes, ma'am!
帮我把钱要回来 Help me get this money back.
哦,马蒂亚阿姨 Oh, man. Auntie Madea, man.
我在做什么? What am I doing?
嗨,嗨,马蒂亚 Hey, hey, Madea.
嗨,布里安 Hey, Brian. Hey, Brian.
嗨 Hey.
我不知道你为什么去洗手间 I don't know why the hell you go in the bathroom
用完马桶后不盖,梅布尔 and leave the toilet seat up, Mabel.
嗨,爸爸 Hey, Daddy.
我认识你吗? Do I know you?
我已经是成年人了,别再假装不认识我 I'm past 18 now. You can stop pretending like you don't know me,
你不用再付抚养费了 so you don't have to pay child support.
嗨,儿子,近来如何? 我一如既往的爱你,真高兴见到你 Hey, son. How you doing? I Iove you so much. So good to see you.
你要吃点吗? 我正在给乔伊做三明治 You want something to eat? I'm making a sandwich for Joe.
我不想吃,儿子,我一点都不想吃 I wouldn't eat that, son. I wouldn't eat that at all.
我相信她想杀了我,为了我的保险金 I believe she be trying to kill me for my insurance money.
你根本就没有保险金 You ain't got no insurance money.
万一我吃了这三明治,她就得逞了 In that case, I'm gonna eat this sandwich she done made.
我不会为了保险金杀你 I'm not trying to kill you for no insurance money.
我要杀你早杀了 I'm gonna kill you 'cause I want you dead.
我只是要看你彻彻底底地死了 I just want you completely dead.
没有生命迹象,没有呼吸,全身爬满了蛆 Just no Iife in you at all. Just not breathing. Just maggot food.
儿子,帮我尝尝 Here, son, try to taste that for me.
不，我不尝. 谢谢 Hey, I'm not tasting that. Thank you.
孩子，你到这儿来干嘛？想要什么？ What you doing here, son? What you want?
我要跟你谈谈,马蒂亚.我... Well, I wanted to talk to you, Madea. I have...
你要钱还是其他什么东西？我可没有钱 You want some money or something? I ain't got no money.
不要钱你是不会来这儿的 You don't need to be coming over here asking me for no money.
爸爸，我不是来要钱的 Daddy, I didn't ask you for any money.
好，那你给我点钱 Good. Then Ioan me some,
我星期五晚上聚会需要点钱 'cause I need a Iittle change for my Friday night Iights.
你都说些什么呀？ What are you talking about?
我胡言乱语，我胡言乱语 I be running them hoes, dawg. I be running them hoes.
闭嘴，笨蛋 Shut up, fool.
我也没有钱，布里安.你要什么？你到这里来干嘛？ I ain't got no money either, Brian. What you want? What you come by here for?
我来是有事的 Well, I came by with a proposition.
我想，你也许想挣点钱 I just thought, you know, you might wanna make a Iittle extra money.
上次有个人告诉我 You know, the Iast time a man told me
他有个挣钱的机会给我 he had an opportunity for me to make a Iittle money,
结果我在墨西哥跟其他20个女人串在一起 I ended up in Mexico, chained to 20 other women,
沿着街道走，把自己卖了 walking down the street, just selling myself.
你想要钱,不是吗? You do need some money, don't you?
是的,我总是缺钱 Yeah, I could always use a Iittle bit of money.
日子总是过得紧巴巴的 Hell, things been tight around here.
我甚至想过回去干我的老本行 I was even thinking about going back to my old job.
脱衣舞? - 不 - Stripping? - No.
骗? - 不 - Hooking? - No.
抢? - 不 - Robbing? - No.
打人? 不 - Hit man? - No.
勒索? Slinging?
不 No.
虽然我过去做过一些坏事 I did have some hustle back in my day, though.
但我那时只是做事 I was doing a thing. I was doing a thing back then.
我现在变好了 I done got the better now.
很好,你一点都没有变,因为你跳钢管显得太大了.梅布尔 Good those days are over here, 'cause you too big to be on a pole, Mabel.
我现在就告诉你关于这些杆子,你知道,他们是可以换的 I'm gonna tell you right now about that pole. You know, they done switched them.
当你过去跳舞的时候 When you was back there dancing,
他们用的是你荡秋千的电话线杆 they had them telephone poles you used to swing on.
现在,他们已经变成小铜杆了,我见过 Now, they got them Iittle brass poles. I seen them.
你会把它们弄坏的,你会弄弯的 You'd bend or broke one of them. You'll bend it.
你的大屁股会弄坏这些铜杆的 Your big ass'll break that brass.
大屁股和铜杆可别混在一起哦 Big ass and brass don't mix.
乔伊,闭嘴,去死吧.OK? 去死吧 Joe, shut up, please. Just die. Stop breathing. Okay? Stop breathing.
我说的是我要回去老人之家工作,我曾经工作过的地方 I'm talking about going back to work at an old folks' home where I used to work.
不,不, 你不需要这样做. 我有个好主意 No, no, you don't have to do that. I got a great idea.
好的,情况是这样的 AII right, here's the situation.
我有5个人他们遇到些麻烦 I've got five people that are in a Iittle bit of trouble.
其中一个是我案子中的证人 One of them is a witness on a case that I'm working on.
他们是否能在这儿呆一阵子 And I was wondering if they could stay here for a while.
只要呆几个月直到案子结束,可以吗? Just for a couple of months until the trial is over, maybe?
这儿? 不行 Here? No.
你最好闭嘴,又不是没人来过这儿 You better shut that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
去她妈的没有,又不是没人... Hell to the no. Ain't nobody...
你最好闭嘴吧,又不是没人来过 You better hush that up now. Ain't nobody coming up in here.
爸爸 - 什么? - Daddy. - What?
不行,这太疯狂了 No, that's just crazy.
让一些罪犯在这屋子里,听着都疯狂, 还有警察看着... Have some criminal up in this house, looking all crazy, and police looking...
见鬼,这就是梅布尔每天的生活,不是吗? 这就是你的生活 Hell, that's how Mabel live every day, ain't it? That's your Iife.
闭嘴.小菊花 Shut up, rectum.
见鬼去吧 Go to hell.
有人跟着他们吗 Is somebody after them?
是的,夫人 Yes, ma'am.
但是,等一会,我不是要你去做这些 But, wait a minute. I would not ask you to do this.
你是我阿姨,我知道他们在这儿会很安全 You're my aunt. I know they'll be safe here.
没人会知道他们在这儿,这是最安全的地方 Not one person would know they're here. This is the safest place for them.
那是群牛，你要负责这群牛的吃喝 That's some bull. He's trying to sell you a load of bull.
他们做了什么？-我不能告诉你 - What'd they do? - I can't tell you that.
我只能告诉你这些，只能是这些 But I can tell you this. I can tell you this.
你知道，你，你的家，没有人会把它搞乱的 You know, you, you pack. You know? Ain't nobody gonna mess with you.
而这对他们来说是最安全的地方 And this is the safest place for them.
你也许会喜欢他们，马蒂亚 You could be like their witness protector, Madea.
听者，别讨好我 Look here, don't be trying to butter me up and all that stuff.
我知道你在恭维我 I see what you're trying to butter me up.
我正在收拾 Yeah, I know I'm packing.
我知道我能把一些事情揽下来，但我不想有人来打搅 I know I can hold some things down, but, no, I don't want nobody up in here.
对不起，不行 I'm sorry. Absolutely not.
我不同意，你找其他地方吧 I cannot do that. You're gonna have to find somewhere else for them to go.
回答就是不行，我不会改主意的 The answer's a flat-out no, and I am not changing my mind.
说一是一 My no mean "no," my yes mean "yes."
说二是二，对不起 And my "maybe" mean "get the hell out." I'm sorry.
不行就是不行，不可能的事，回去吧.不行 Absolutely not. Flat-out no. Ain't gonna happen. Get on out of here. No.
太糟糕了 Too bad, then.
我得回去告诉老板我们得另外找地方了 I'll just tell my boss we'll have to find somewhere else for them to stay.
猜猜谁是那个能拿一月$4,000的幸运儿 Guess some other lucky person will make that $4,000 a month.
你懂什么？ You know what?
我相信这是一个基督徒应该做的事 I believe it would be the greatest Christianity thing I could do
去帮助那些需要帮助的人 to help somebody in need.
所以我准备先去把床铺好 So I'm gonna go ahead and make up these sheets and clean up.
梅布尔，我准备把床从车库里找出来 Mabel, you know, I believe I'm gonna go drag that cot out of that garage.
我们可以把床放在我的房间 I got a cot back there, and we can put a sheet up in my room.
我们可以共享，确保每个人都能住得下 We could share, make sure we got enough room for everybody up in here.
那就是同意了？ So is that a yes?
床没问题，根本没问题 Ain't nothing wrong with that cot. Ain't nothing wrong with it at all.
只是有点发霉，但是没问题，只要你屏住呼吸... Got a Iittle mold growing in it, but that's all right. As long as you don't breathe...
这是什么鬼地方？ Where the hell are we?
亲爱的，我们在南部 Honey, we are in the South.
是的，夫人 Yes, ma'am.
你会留下美好记忆的 And it brings back pretty fond memories.
什么，克拉姆斯？ Of what, Grams?
一条小船和一个人... A boat and a man, and...
我的，他有一条大狗... My, he had such a big...
小船 Boat.
嗨，乔治？ Hi. George?
是的，我是乔治 Yes, I'm George,
我女儿，辛蒂，我妻子， 凯特， 我儿子，哈维 and this is my daughter, Cindy, and my wife, Kate, and my son, Howie,
我母亲，巴巴拉 - 嗨， 你好 - and my mother, Barbara. - Hi, how are you?
小船上的人 The man in the boat.
别理她 Don't have a clue.
可爱的人 Cute man.
我是布里安西蒙斯 Well, I'm Brian Simmons,
你们会很安全的，知道吗？ and I just want all of you to know you're gonna be in safe hands, okay?
我是联邦检察官 I'm a federal prosecutor,
我们给你们家庭提供了一个非常安全的地方 and we have a very safe place for you and the entire family.
到了，下车吧，孩子们 Well, here we go, kids.
这边，夫人 This way, ma'am.
这地方看上去不好 Place looks haunted.
这社区安全吗？ Is this neighborhood safe?
非常安全 - 好的 - It's very safe. - Okay.
没有比这更安全的地方了，相信我 There's no safer place for you and your family. Trust me.
这不是酒店 This is not a hotel.
OK, 马蒂亚会喜欢这家人的 Okay, Madea's gonna Iove this one.
马蒂亚？ Madea?
马蒂亚，我最爱的阿姨，你好吗？ How's my favorite aunt, Madea?
布里安吗？进来 That Brian? Come on in.
我对你说的那个家庭到了 The family's here that I was telling you about.
你们好 Hello.
布里安，见鬼，这是怎么回事？ Brian, what the hell's going on?
马蒂亚，这就是我对你说过的那个家庭 Madea, this is the family that I was telling you about.
你忘了说一件重要的事 You forgot to mention one little important thing about this family.
什么事? What's that?
别跟我装蒜 Don't play with me.
马蒂亚,这是尼德尔曼和他的家人 Madea, these are the Needlemans,
他们会在你这儿住几个月 and they'll be staying with you for a few months.
什么? 几个月? What? Months?
你再开玩笑吗? 什么,他在开玩笑吗? Are you joking? What, is he joking?
辛蒂 Cindy.
爸爸,我不能住在这儿 Dad, I can't stay here.
什么,我们是佃农吗? What, are we sharecroppers now?
亲爱的,不好 Honey, not nice.
嗨,我是乔治 Hi, I'm George.
我是他母亲,巴巴拉 And I'm his mother, Barbara.
我是他妻子,凯特,他们是我们的孩子,哈维和辛蒂 And I'm his wife, Kate, and these are our kids, Howie and Cindy.
我是他的孩子. 我不是她女儿 I'm his child. I'm not her daughter.
爸爸,我不能住在这儿 Dad, I can't stay here.
我觉得这儿很好 You know, I think it's kind of nice here.
我喜欢这儿 - 是的,你喜欢,你这个白痴 - I like it. - Yeah, you would, you moron.
你们 - 很好,这很好 - Would you... - This is great. Just great.
亲爱的 - "度假",屁 - Honey. - Yeah, "vacation" my ass.
你好,来自地狱的旅行 Hello, trip from hell.
OK,听着 Okay. Look here,
请你们到客厅坐一下 would y'all go on into the living room and have a seat, please?
我要和我侄子私下聊几句 I would like to talk to my nephew in private just a moment.
非常感谢... Thank you so much for...
很高兴你们来这儿 It's gonna be so lovely having all of y'all here.
真是太好了 Yes, just wonderful. Wonderful.
我们来对了 We'll be right in.
你干什么? -你有病啊? - What did you do that for? - What the hell wrong with you?
你带这些人来我这儿,你有没有搞错? You done brought these folks up in this house. What is wrong with you?
马蒂亚,听着,我知道他们不是美国黑人 Madea, Iisten. Okay, I know that they're not African-American.
我才不关心他们的肤色呢 I don't care nothing about the color of their skin.
我就想知道我怎么把5个白人藏起来 I wanna know how in the hell I'm supposed to hide five white folks
在这个连猫和车都没有白色的社区 in a neighborhood where we ain't even got white cats or white cars.
这儿就没什么白色的东西,警察来这儿 Ain't nothing white around here. If the police come in this neighborhood,
他们甚至不开白色的车,他们开黑色的SUV they don't even come in a white car. They send a black SUV.
我明白了.但听着,我知道你可以安排好的 I understand, but listen, listen. I know that you can figure it out.
我知道你会处理好的 I know you'll work it out.
小子,听清楚我跟你说的 Boy, hear me clearly and good when I say this to you.
孩子,我不知道怎么把这些人藏起来 Son, I don't know how to hide these people.
你能做到的. $4000 一个月,$4000 You can do it. $4,000 a month. $4,000.
你没听我说.孩子 You ain't Iistening to me, son.
这些人在这儿太醒目了 These people are gonna stick out around here
就像我出现在共和党大会上 like I would stick out at a Republica Convention.
我看起来像纽特金戈的粉丝吗? 我看起来像喜欢纽特金格里吗? Do I look like I'm a Newt Ginger fan? Do I look like I like Newt Gingery?
马蒂亚,OK, OK,但你要安排好他们,我知道你会安排好的 Madea, okay, okay. But you'll figure it out. I know you'll figure it out.
我们是坐在塑料纸上吗? Are we sitting on plastic?
梅布尔, 我找不到电话簿 Mabel, I can't find the phone book.
我要找人,百页放哪儿去了? I'm trying to find somebody. Where are the White Pages?
我. My.
小船上的人 The man in the boat.
你好 Hello.
嗨 Hey.
梅布里,他们是白人 Mabel, they white folks.
是吗? 我没注意 Really? I didn't notice.
来吧,我给你介绍 Come on. I'll introduce you.
尼德尔曼家庭. 我父亲,乔伊,你们已经见过我阿姨梅蒂亚了 Needleman family, this is my father, Joe. You already met my Aunt Madea.
爸爸,这是哈维,凯特,乔治,辛蒂和巴巴拉 Dad, this is Howie, Kate, George, Cindy, and Barbara.
她看得我心里直发毛 It Iooks Iike she's undressing me with her eyes.
现在,我相信特工已经告诉过你们了,但我还要再重申一遍 Now, I'm sure that the agents told you, but I just want to reiterate.
在这儿,你们不能跟任何人联系 You can't have any contact with anyone from your past as Iong as you're here.
明白吗? Do you understand?
爸爸? Dad?
亲爱的,很抱歉 Honey, I'm sorry.
太疯狂了 This is crazy.
你混蛋 You suck.
她刚才说... 我知道她... Did she just say... I know she...
刚刚那孩子骂她爸爸混蛋? Did that child just say she sucked to her daddy?
仁慈的上帝呀,到底怎么啦?你不可以... Lord, have mercy. What generation is this? You can't...
你最好赶快把他们从这儿弄走 You better hurry up and get them the hell out of here.
梅布尔会杀了那个小女孩 Mabel gonna kill that little girl.
但，辛蒂，我们只待到案子结束，是吗？布里安 But, Cindy, this is only until the trial is over. Isn't that right, Brian?
是的，只待到案子结束 Yes, just until the trial is over.
我恨你 I hate you.
那女孩说她恨他，哦上帝呀，帮帮我吧 That girl says she hate him. Oh, Lord, somebody gonna have to help me.
上帝，帮帮我 God, help me. God, help me.
乔治，我知道这些日子你很难. George, I know it's been a rough day for you, so I tell you what.
我明天上午9：00来接你 I'll come by tomorrow morning about 9:00, pick you up.
我们去办公室然后开始工作，好吗？ We'll go to the office and begin working on this case, okay?
马蒂亚，为什么你不带客人去看看他们住的地方？ So, Madea, why don't you show your house guests where they'll be staying?
是的.带他们去看看。梅布尔. 我就不去了 Yeah, go on and show them, Mabel. I ain't trying to go up there with them.
她在那儿，我不喜欢她看我的样子 That one right there, I don't Iike the way she's Iooking at me.
好的，你带我到门口，我坐飞机回去 Well, you can show me to the door. I'm getting back on that plane.
亲爱的 - 打扰了 - Honey. - Excuse us.
你不要这样说，注意措辞 - 你耍我吗? 我是认真的 - You don't talk Iike that. Watch your mouth. - Are you kidding me? Seriously.
你让我背包袱了 Your ass trying to get me a case.
这就是你想做的，让我背包袱 That's what you trying to do. You're trying to get me a case.
我现在告诉你，最好快点结束这个案子 Better get a speedy trial. I'm gonna tell you that right now.
我会快点的 I'll get a speedy trial.
我们怎么啦？ What's happening to us?
凯特，如果我知道 Kate, if I'd known
我们家会变成这样，我... that taking care of my family would lead us to this, I would've...
这跟家庭无关，跟你有关 This wasn't about family. This was about you.
我们有太多的需求 We have way more than we needed.
这是贪婪 This was about greed.
你知道，亲爱的 You know, sweetheart,
当时我得到提升的时候你也很高兴 I seem to recall you were very happy with my promotion, too.
你当时怎么想？ What were you thinking?
我不知道，我也不知道事情会变成这样 I don't know. I wasn't even aware this was going on.
你还不知道现在很多事情都乱套了 You're not aware of a lot of things going on now.
凯特 - 我不想说了 - Kate... - I don't wanna talk about this.
我要整理行李去睡觉了 I'm gonna unpack my bag and go to sleep.
到此为止，不说了 We're done. It's done.
就这样结束了？ It's gonna end just like that?
加油，男子，别让她占上风 Come on, man. Don't let her pimp you.
她要睡觉？打她屁股 She wanna go to sleep? Knock her ass out.
乔伊，闭上鸟嘴，这是他们的私人谈话 Joe, shut the hell up. They're having a private conversation
待在一起却不知道发生什么事情 in a room about not being aware of what's going on.
如果他不知道，这是他们之间的事. If he ain't aware, that is between the two of them.
闭嘴，请让他们私下待一会儿 Shut up. Let them have their private moment, please.
当门关上的时候，你就不应该偷听 When a door is closed, that mean you ain't supposed to be listening.
任由他们自己，闭上鸟嘴 Leave them people alone. Shut the hell up.
梅布尔，你闭嘴 - 不，闭上你的鸟嘴 - Mabel, you shut up. - No, you shut the hell up.
梅布尔，我比你大，想干什么就干什么 Mabel, I'm older than you. I'll do whatever the hell I want to do.
是的，这是我的房子，在这儿你给我闭嘴 Yeah, it's my house. You gonna shut up up in here
不然我会上去把你喉咙割断 or I'm gonna come up and cut your vocal cords out.
让你不能说话，该死的东西 You ain't gonna be able to say a damn thing!
晚安 Good night.
到底是什么？ What the hell?
小子！ Boy! Boy!
是你在放屁吗？孩子 Is that you farting, son?
不是我 It wasn't me.
再放一次，我告诉你 Fart one more time. That's all I'm gonna tell you.
再放一次 Fart one more time.
就象这样放 In here farting like that.
你有什么问题? 小子 . 该死的疯子 What's wrong with you, boy? That's doggone insane.
你好，乔伊 Hello, Joe.
你想试试吗？ You wanna give it a go?
梅布尔 Mabel.
梅布尔，他们想让我 Mabel, they trying to get me.
不不，想让我 No, no, trying to get me
像他们的足球运动员和篮球运动员 Iike they get them football players and them basketball players.
我不这么认为，不不不 I don't think so. No, no, no.
我不会咬你 I won't bite.
上帝... Lord, Lord, Lord.
你盯着我看？ You staring at me?
不不，我没有盯着你看 No, no, I wasn't staring at you.
很好 Okay.
但我在看栖息地里的野羚羊 I was watching the wildebeest in its natural habitat, though.
什么？ Excuse me?
这可不太好 That's not nice.
是的，她的屁股肯定饿了，因为它正在咬她的衣服 Yeah. Her butt must be hungry, 'cause it's chewing that dress alive.
如果你需要任何东西，任何东西 If you need anything, anything at all,
我只是轻声地说 I'm just a whisper away.
你要做的就是耳语 All you got to do is whisper.
好的，我想我做完了 Okay, I think I'm done.
你要去哪里？ Where you rushing off to?
瑜伽做完了 - 好的 - Yoga's over. - Okay.
毛骨悚然 Creepy.
嗨 - 做得怎样？ - Hi. - How you doing?
很好，谢谢 - 我看你在那儿做尤达 - I'm good. Thank you. - I see you was up in there doing that yoda.
瑜伽 It's yoga.
不，宝贝，我没有酸奶，我不吃这玩意儿 No, baby, I don't have no yogurt. I don't eat that.
它会让我的胃很乱，很难受 That mess my stomach up. It's got that abiffidus bacalarus in it.
我不吃这玩意儿，所以你去自己找些想吃的吧 I can't have that. So you go on and get yourself something else.
我冰箱里还有些东西，可我不吃它 I might have some in that fridge there, but I don't eat it.
好的，好像你已经做好饭了 Well, it looks like you've been cooking.
是的，我已经为你们做了第一顿早餐 Yeah, I wanted to feed your family their first day in my house.
我想确保你们能吃好 I wanted to make sure y'all had something really good to eat.
所以我准备了些华夫饼，饼干，煎饼，一些培根 So I got some waffles, some biscuits, I got some pancakes, I got some bacon,
还有火腿，我放了许多黄油在上面 I got ham. I put a Iot of butter on the ham,
很多的盐和胡椒，使它味道很好 a lot of salt and pepper, make it nice and flavorful.
我在炉子上有麦片 I got oatmeal on the stove.
还有香肠 I got sausage,
还放了鸡蛋和玉米片还有其他东西 and I got eggs and grits and everything else.
真是丰盛 Y'all betterjust feast.
看上去很好 It looks so good.
很多碳水化合物，你喜欢碳水化合物吗？ It's a lot of carbs. You like carbs?
许多... - 碳水化合物 - It's a Iot of... - Carbs.
不，宝贝，我不喜欢吃螃蟹，你不能吃螃蟹 No, baby, I don't eat crabs. You can't eat no crabs.
你想吃螃蟹和酸奶？你的胃会很难受的 You gonna have crabs and yogurt? You about to mess your stomach up.
这里没有海鲜，亲爱的，我对海鲜过敏 Ain't no seafood on here, honey. I'm allergic to seafood.
这里可不是吃海鲜的地方 Ain't no seafood here nowhere.
你怎么这么瘦？ Is that how you stay so thin?
不，亲爱的，我可不吃这些东西，你的家人呢？ No, honey, I don't eat that stuff. Where your family?
他们还在睡觉 They're sleeping still.
什么？ 他们该起床了 What? They got to get up.
不，宝贝，你的孩子们该去上学，我得让他们去注册 No, baby, your children got to go to school. I got to get them registered,
乔治应该去布里安的办公室 and George is supposed to see Brian down at the attorney's office.
所以，不不不，你得让他们起床了 So, no, no, no, you got to get them up.
好的，我只是想让...，你知道，他们精疲力尽了 Okay, well, I was just gonna let... You know, they're so exhausted.
不， 我去叫他们起床.给你，你拿着 - 好的 - No, I'll go get them up. Here, you take this. - Okay.
拿着并把它搅拌好 Take this and stir that real good.
搅打它，把它打好，明白吗？-是的 我知道 - Whip it real, real good. You understand? - Yeah, I understand.
好的，你需要戴上围裙... 给你 All right, you need to put something... Here.
给你，穿上它，搅打的时候穿上它 Here, put this on. Put this on while you whip.
你不想让它溅到你身上吧 - 是的 - You don't wanna get that on you. - Okay. No.
穿上它，ok, 搅打它 - 谢谢 - Put that on. Okay, whip it. - Thank you.
把它搅好 - 会的 - Whip it real good. - I will.
乔治，起床了，孩子 George, get up out this bed, son.
凯特 Kate.
我做了个噩梦 I had this horrible dream
我们与 FBI有麻烦了 that we were in trouble with the FBI,
我们和一个老太婆进入一间房子，她长得像... and we moved into this house with an old woman who looked like...
像什么？ Like what?
你 You.
这不是梦，这是事实 It's not a dream. It's really happening.
我睡得这么沉 I'm in so deep.
乔治，你该起床了，布里安在办公室等你呢 George, you need to get up out this bed. Brian is waiting for you down at the office.
他约你今天早上去他那儿 He said he was gonna have you come down there this morning.
现在，起床啦 Now, get up on out this bed.
我的生活完蛋了。我不起床 My Iife is over. I'm not getting out of this bed.
没有起床的理由呀 There's no reason to get out of this bed.
你需要理由？你需要理由？ You need a reason? You need a reason?
你最好快点起来 You better get your ass out this bed.
这理由充分吗？ Is that enough reason for you?
让我告诉你，孩子 Let me tell you something, son.
在我家里我不让别人感到抱歉 I don't allow nobody to feel sorry for themselves in my house.
我不知道你做过什么，也不关心你做过什么 I don't know what you did. I don't care what you did.
你明白吗？ Do you understand?
我要你快点起床下楼去 I need you to get up out this bed, come downstairs,
和你的家人共进早餐，布里安在等你去他的办公室 have breakfast with your family, Brian is waiting on you down at the office
去谈话，无论你要谈什么 to talk about whatever y'all need to talk about.
这不关我的事，我不想知道，但你得起床 It ain't my business. I don't wanna know, but you gonna get up out this bed.
如果我回来的你还在床上的话 If I come back up these stairs, and you still in this bed,
你知道我会做什么吗？ do you have any idea what I'm gonna do?
我会把你光溜溜的从床上拖起来 I'm gonna get completely naked, and get up in there with you and spoon.
我起来 I'm up.
谢谢 Thank you.
我会起来的，你不需要过来了 I am definitely up. You don't have to come back.
我马上就下去，我马上就下去 I'm coming right down. I'm coming right down.
我现在就走 I'm on my way.
起来，孩子 Get up, son.
怎么啦 What's wrong?
你吓到我了 You just scared me.
你太大了，就像一大包的彩虹糖 You're just so huge. Like a giant bag of Skittles.
好的，你赶快起床 All right, you better get the hell up,
当我回来的时候你知道会发生什么事吗？ or when I come back up in here, you know what's gonna happen?
你会尝到彩虹的滋味的 You gonna taste the rainbow.
现在，起床 - 我起来，我起来 - Now, get up. - I'm up. I'm up.
你也许还梦见彩虹糖，可口可乐和百事可乐 Probably dreaming about Skittles and Coca-Cola and Pepsi,
苏打水，激浪和蜂蜜面包 diet soda and Mountain Dew and Honey Buns,
还有KK甜甜圈和其他什么东西 and damn Krispy Kreme and everything else.
你已经起来了啦 So you're up?
你来啦，塞迪，你要熨熨床单了 There you are, Sadie. You must iron the sheets.
如果床单皱巴巴的，尼德尔曼先生会生气的 Mr. Needleman gets very angry if there are any wrinkles.
见鬼塞迪是谁？ Honey, who the hell is Sadie?
别这样跟我说话. Don't you use that kind of language with me.
我会解雇你的. 明白吗？ 'Cause I'll have you fired. Do you understand?
尼德尔曼太太，好的，我明白了 Mrs. Needleman. Okay, I get it.
商场开门了，可没有人去买东西 The mall is open, but there ain't nobody in there shopping.
什么味道？ What's that smell?
我正在做早餐 It's called food. I'm cooking.
整个房子都充满这种味道 It smells up the whole house. It permeates.
谢谢，你总是穿的很鲜艳 Thank you. You always were the best colored help we could ever find.
好的，布里安给我开了个大玩笑 Okay, Brian playing a joke on me.
我变成朋克了，我变成朋克了. 摄像机在哪？ I'm being Punk'd. I know I'm being Punk'd. Where the camera at?
Little girl, I need you to get up, honey.
Go away.
Never had no child talk to me like this before. Lordy.
Honey, I got to bring y'all down to school and get you registered. Now, get up.
I said, go away.
She just yelled at me in my house. I don't know what she...
Little girl, I'm gonna tell you one more time...
I said, go away!
I know she didn't just...
Who the hell you think you talking to?
Oh, my God! What is wrong with you?
This is my house.
You live by my rules when you are in my house.
You're too young for that, little girl. You don't want none of this.
Please, do yourself a favor, honey. You do not want none of this.
Behave while you're here. If not, you will...
Girl, you...
Girl, you just don't know...
I don't know who she thinks she's talking to.
She's insane.
Hello?
Is that you, son?
- Yes, sir. - Well, come on in here.
What are you doing here, Dad?
Well, I'm feeling better, much better.
No, you're not. You're supposed to be at home in bed.
I just had to stop by here to make sure everything's all right.
It's all fine.
I've decided to tell the church the third Sunday I'm retiring.
I thought you were gonna wait till summer to do that.
No, I can't do that, son. I'm too tired.
It'll sure make the burden so much easier
to know that everything I've worked for all these years is gonna be Iooked after.
I am very proud of you, son. Really proud of you.
Don't be proud of me.
Are you kidding me? I have to tell you I'm proud of you.
You know something? After your mother died,
I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.
You were so far out there in those streets.
But, praise the Lord, Iook at you now.
Helping me run the church, handling our mortgage payment fund.
No, I am very proud of you, son.
You know, the congregation is gonna be a Iittle bit upset
when I tell them that I'm retiring, so to ease the pain,
I'm going to tell them that we have raised the money to pay off the church.
They're gonna rejoice.
Well done, son.
Yes, sir.
I don't see her out here. Y'all come on. Come on. Hurry up.
She always nosy as hell, over there Iooking at everything.
Hurry up.
- Come on. Get in the car. - Madea.
Madea.
Hey, Hattie.
How you doing?
- I'm good, baby. - Open the door.
- Come here a minute. - I can't talk to you right now, honey.
This my cousins, and they done Iost all the pigmentation in their skin overnight.
- Your cousins? - Yes.
Can I help you?
No, I got to take them to the doctor right now.
I'll see you Iater on. Take care.
And that's all you know?
That's all I know. I swear it.
I don't believe you.
I'm telling you the truth.
You're going to jail for a very Iong time.
I can't go to jail. I didn't do anything wrong.
George, calm down, okay?
For what it's worth, I believe you.
Oh, boy, somebody believes me. Isn't that wonderful?
Let's crack open some champagne, because somebody believes me.
Oh, God, I'm in trouble.
I think they can believe you, too, but you have to help me make them believe.
Just tell me what you want me to do.
What do I need to do here?
Okay, that's a good attitude, George. Really good attitude.
Everything that wasn't shredded or destroyed is in these files.
This is your ticket to freedom. You're the CFO. I'm sure you can find it.
Okay, well,
this is the crux of the problem here, Brian,
because I can't seem to find anything in here that will help.
I wanna help you. I really do.
It doesn't make any sense for me not to wanna help.
Now does it? Does it? No. No.
I mean, don't you think I would help if I could?
- Are you okay? - No, I just...
I feel Iike I... I wanna hit something.
Hit the chair. Hit something.
I'm sorry.
That was a Iovely evening.
There ain't never been no evening, Iady. I don't know you.
Stop it. There's no one around.
Read my Iips, honey. I don't know you.
You're the man in the boat.
I ain't never had no boat.
I bet if I showed you my tattoo, you might remember.
What tattoo? What you fixing to show me?
I believe you need to see a doctor about that, honey.
No, that's Betty Boop.
It might have been Betty Boop at one time, but Betty Boop done drooped.
Betty Boop.
You brought me over in your Iittle boat.
Lady, for the Iast time, okay? First of all, you insulted me.
'Cause I wouldn't have a Iittle boat.
I'm not a canoe kind of man. You understand?
I'm a yacht, a cruise ship, Noah's Ark up in this piece.
Only time I was ever in a boat was that Iittle rowboat belonged to the Army
when I was in New Orleans many years ago.
I'd take people across the water over there from the bayou to the juke joint,
and I'd charge them a nickel to get them over there.
And they'd all take the ride and everything. I'd give them their change.
And somebody gave me a 50-cent tip that night.
You Barbara Betty Boop.
Yes, I was a nurse in Company B.
Yeah, I was in Company C over there with the colored troops.
Me and a couple of my girlfriends followed you guys all the way to your barracks.
Yeah, I remember it was four of you.
It was Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and you.
I don't even know how you remember that, honey.
That was 56, 57 years ago.
Fifty-three.
Because George is 52.
What that got to do with anything?
What day is it?
Lady, don't you start... What you trying to tell me?
Where am I?
I think you believe you're trying to tell me something about George.
- Oh, my goodness. - Hey.
I don't know where I am.
George?
- Brian. - Jake.
You cannot keep calling me Iike this, man.
I'm in the middle of an investigation. What are you doing?
My dad wants to announce that he's paying the church's mortgage off in three weeks.
I mean, what am I supposed to do?
Tell him the truth.
That will kill him.
He'll be very happy that you told him the truth.
I can't. I can't do it.
Jake.
That's him. That's the dude from the news!
I ought to kill you!
- Who is this? - I'm your worst nightmare.
Will you just...
You're my worst... I got news for you. I'm Iiving my worst nightmare, okay?
And besides, you're a Iittle short to be a nightmare, aren't you?
I'm short? He called me... He called me short?
I'm gonna bust your balls!
Well, why don't you get in Iine and bust my balls?
Because everybody else is busting my balls.
I don't have any balls Ieft, mister! How about that?
I'm gonna... Get off.
Calm down. Nobody's kicking balls.
George, Jake, I need you both to calm down.
Is everything all right out there?
Everything's fine.
Just keep working. It's all good.
George, this is Jake.
His father has a church, and they were gonna pay off their mortgage,
and they invested the money in Lockwise, and they Iost it all.
So he's a Iittle bit upset.
- I'm sorry. - You...
That's all you got to say? Is you sorry?
- Jake. - Hell...
Yeah. Okay, okay. You better watch yourself,
or I'm gonna give you a...
You see this? Big five. Big five. And you're gonna get it.
If I didn't have to go to the bathroom, you'd be in...
- Where's the bathroom, Brian? - Okay.
Third door on the Ieft.
- Third door on the Ieft. - Yeah.
Big five?
Jake, go home.
Get a grip, okay? Tell him the truth.
If anything comes up, I'll call you.
Can't you just go home? Elevator's right there.
How tall are you, son?
About 6 feet.
- About 6 feet? - Yeah.
Okay. Check.
You Iike soul music?
I do. I do. I Iove soul music.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
Find out what it mean to me.
No, I dig it.
You dig it. You dig it?
Check.
Your hair's really thick and curly.
Always been that thick and curly?
Yeah, it has.
When I was a kid, I had an afro that was,
you know, Iarge.
To here. Big, big hair.
No, you said it right. You had an afro. You didn't offend me. You had an afro.
That's what you called it, an afro. Check.
An afro.
Can you swim, son?
No. No.
I never got the hang of swimming.
Never got the hang of it. Yup. Check.
Hey, I was Iooking at your wife, she was doing that yoda.
And she got a nice Iittle butt.
But it ain't no booty, you know?
You Iike a butt, or you Iike a booty?
You Iike a booty, one that's a big, old booty to grab Iike handlebars and use?
Steer that thing where you want it to go, you know?
To be honest,
I Iove my wife.
She can't hear you. She can't hear. Man-to-man, go on and tell me.
Do you Iike a Iittle cute, nice Iittle butt, or do you Iike a big butt
that you can grab that thing and slap it Iike handlebars?
Well, I would Iike a Iittle more on the bottom.
Harley-Davidson.
- A Harley? - Yeah.
Junk in the trunk.
Some junk in the trunk. Yeah, more junk.
As Iong as you're asking.
I got one Iast question for you, son.
When you go to the bathroom and you're at the urinal,
do you stand there Iike this?
Or do you just happen to stand there Iike this?
Well...
And when you're finished, do you have to do this?
Which one is it for you, son? Which one?
Well, more Iike the second part.
Without the thing at the end.
Check.
Damn. I'm your daddy.
Excuse me?
Do you have any Wi-Fi?
Well, if you ask me nice, I'll get up and I'll make you some.
Excuse me. How do you make Wi-Fi?
Son, you use some flour, put a Iittle water in it, some powdered sugar,
you mix it up real good, and you get your skillet,
or you get you one of them Wi-Fi irons,
and you pour it in the Wi-Fi iron and you close it up.
I got a Wi-Fi iron in there.
What are you talking about?
He asked for a Wi-Fi, I got a waffle. You want a Wi-Fi? I got a waffle.
Wi-Fi. Internet.
I don't have none of that.
Ain't no technology around here at all. We've been Ieft in the Dark Ages.
It figures.
Howie.
Honey, why do you need to get on the Internet?
I'm supposed to do a report.
I'll help you with your report. Okay, honey?
It doesn't really matter. I mean, he's gonna fail.
- He's dumb Iike his mother. - Enough.
Go to hell, Kate.
Did that child just say, "Go to hell"?
You all right?
Yeah. Thanks.
Come on, sit down and talk to me.
That child right there. Lord, that Iittle girl about to make me hurt her.
I know. I'm trying to be understanding.
Of what?
She has problems.
Honey, we all got problems.
That child ain't supposed to be talking to you all Iike that. That is crazy.
What's wrong with that child? What's she so angry about?
I don't know. Just being here and out of school.
Tell that to somebody else, honey.
That child is angry about something else, and it's deep, whatever it is.
It ain't about no school and nothing else. This water runs deeper than that.
How do you know?
Wisdom. I didn't get this old by not knowing nothing.
She thinks I'm the reason that her father divorced her mother.
I wonder where she'd get that from.
Are you?
No. What kind of person do you think I am?
A woman.
No, their marriage was over,
her father filed for divorce already, but she's hated me ever since she met me.
And George just sit there, don't say nothing?
He just sit there and not say a word?
George doesn't say anything to anyone these days.
Lord, have mercy.
I know. But she needs him.
Because her mother, she is so evil.
She filled her head with all these horrible things about me and about us.
And then, two years ago,
she dropped her off at our doorstep, hasn't contacted her ever since,
and now she's angry.
And now she's up in my house and she got me worried.
Honey, I'm just worried.
She'll be fine.
I'm not worried about her, I'm worried about me.
'Cause I feel Iike I wanna choke her to sleep.
I just wanna grab her till the Iife is out of her sometimes.
She's so flip.
Yeah, I get it.
And when she talk back to you, you just have a Iittle argument with her
and you just Iet her start her mouth and say whatever she want to say?
Don't do that, honey.
You have to talk to her in a Ianguage that she understand.
You got to Iearn how to start speaking your damn mind.
I speak my mind.
I didn't say, "Speak your mind," I said, "Speak your damn mind."
If somebody do something you don't Iike, you say,
"Hey, what the hell is wrong with you?
"You better get your ass together. This is some straight up bull.
"Hell, what is wrong with you? You heard me? Hell."
That's what you got to say to them sometime.
- Okay. I will. - Think about that.
It'll make you feel better. You'll feel so Iiberated.
You're around here doing all that yoda. Honey, you ain't got to do all that yoda.
You ain't got to do not one more yoda.
I'm gonna try that next time.
Good. I just gave you some great advice.
You gave me some good advice.
I'm gonna give you some better advice.
White folks ain't supposed to be out here
on this porch in the middle of the night, honey.
Okay.
Yep. Nope, come on, Iet's go on in the house.
- Thank you. - Yeah, you go on first.
Any luck?
No, none.
George.
Yeah, I know what you're going to say. You don't think I'm trying.
Look at this charity, right here.
Okay. I don't really have to Iook at it.
Hear me out. Listen to what I'm saying to you.
These guys dig wells in Africa.
This one, breast cancer.
This one, they stop sex trafficking of children. Okay?
This one, AIDS research. This one, cancer.
This homeless shelter is gonna have to close.
George, you got to help me help these people.
Brian, I'm eight years away from retiring,
and now I'm facing jail.
And all these people were hurt
because I wasn't paying attention.
And I was Iooking forward to retiring.
Spending time with my son.
Getting great, big bear hugs after a good game of catch, you know?
Seeing my daughter happy,
content.
I just wanted to Iive happily ever after with my family.
And now, my family's falling apart.
So maybe I deserve all of this, okay?
'Cause I can't believe what's happening to me.
How could I not see this coming?
George, you couldn't see it because you weren't paying attention.
But now your eyes are wide open.
But none of this makes sense to me.
I mean, I see accounts here and they all start with a Ietter of the alphabet.
"A," "P," "U," "J," "K," "R," "I."
We never use the alphabet to start accounts, Brian.
I don't know what I'm Iooking at here. I really don't.
You can't just keep Ietting people walk all over you.
You were a mark. They set you up. They thought you were weak.
They did this on purpose to you.
Are you just gonna Iay down and Iet that happen,
or are you gonna claim your Iife back?
Prove them wrong. Hit them right between the eyes.
You're stronger than this. There is a fighter in you, George.
Show them. Show me.
You can work this out, okay? Just don't give up.
Shall we keep digging?
- Okay. - Okay.
- AII right.
Watch your step.
Take care now.
How was school?
I mean, you know, it's school.
School is school, yeah.
What you got there?
- Baseball. - Baseball.
You play?
Yeah, but not very good.
Really?
Well, Iet me see, son. You can't be that bad.
- What position do you play? - Pitcher.
Okay. Well, I used to play catcher.
So, you go on over there and I want you to throw it to me.
- AII right. - I want you to throw it to me
as hard as you can.
- Throw it at me. - AII right.
Here we go. Put it. Put it right here.
- Put it right in the middle. - Right here, right here.
Yeah, you... Yeah.
- Yeah, you suck. - Sorry, I...
Come here, son.
That's all right, son.
Maybe you ain't supposed to be a pitcher. Everybody ain't supposed to be a pitcher.
You know, you got to get in where you fit in.
You know, I never thought about it that way.
But Iisten, son. I'm gonna help you.
I'm gonna teach you how to pitch and to catch,
because we family, we family.
- We are? - Yeah.
Yeah. It's a Iong story. It's a Iong story.
I used to be in the Negro League.
- Negro... - The Negro League, son.
Boy, somebody got to teach you about your heritage.
The Negro Leagues is when colored baseball players couldn't play...
Colored, Iike Negro, Iike me and you.
They couldn't play professional baseball, so they came up with their own Ieague.
Satchel Paige and I played.
I was a catcher, so I'm gonna show you how to be a catcher.
- AII right. AII right. - AII right?
Step on back there. I'm gonna show you how to catch this.
- I'm gonna throw it to you one good time. - AII right.
- I want you to concentrate real hard. - AII right.
Almost. AII right, try it. Right here, right here.
There we go. See that?
- I've had it. - I don't care.
Change your attitude.
- Hello, son. - Hi, Mom.
- Your poor father... - My father does not need...
Were you with your brother today? AII day today, again?
No, Mom, I was with Brian.
I don't have a brother, remember?
This is all an act!
Right.
I am not being disrespectful!
You're being so fake! You're not my mom!
- ...your attitude. - You're making it no better.
Get upstairs!
I want to go home. I hate it here.
- Hi. - Hi.
George, I can't do this anymore.
- That daughter is so disrespectful. - I know.
I'm gonna do all I can to help us get our Iife back.
I don't want our Iife back.
I want a new Iife.
One where you're in it. One where we're all happy.
I don't know, afternoon Iunches and sex!
I want sex, George!
Should I be Iistening to this?
- No! - No!
Kate, I'm sorry.
Stop saying sorry and get mad.
- I am mad. - You're not mad.
I'm extremely mad.
Extremely mad, George?
You don't think I'm mad?
I don't think you're mad.
This is getting me so mad, this whole thing.
That's mad.
You're not extremely mad! You need to get damn mad!
What?
I'm just speaking my damn mind, okay?
Hell! This is some straight up bull.
Hell, get your ass together. You heard me?
Hell!
I've got to get us out of here.
Just spill it. We gotta have it all.
Because if you don't, then you're going to jail for the rest of your Iife.
Ever since we got here, I don't care anymore.
Do you know what? I don't care. You...
- Hi, honey. - Hi. What are you doing?
- Good one. Good one, Howie. - Thanks.
You got it.
Amazing Grace...
How was school today?
About the same as when you were raised by Moses.
Where's my dad?
I can't stand you.
I got something to tell you, honey. It's awfully bad news.
Precious Lord...
What?
Your daddy died.
What?
He died.
Them people that were Iooking for him, they came here and they got him.
And they brought him out there to the highway,
and they was painting them stripes on the stone highway, and he tried to run,
and one of them stripe machine put a Iine right down the middle of him.
Then the people that was coming didn't know if it was a passing Iane
or high-occupancy vehicle Iane.
Everybody got confused and they had a wreck,
and they just ran all over...
About 5,700 cars piled up on top of him.
And Kate, she didn't know what to do, so she went to running.
She just started running as fast as she can. Was running Iike Wonder Woman.
But they had a helichopter and that helichopter got closer...
And that was it.
No! Kate, too?
Kate, too. Kate, too.
And that helichopter was spinning and them blades...
Where's Howie? Where's Howie?
Oh, Lord. Poor Howie. You know, he tried to run,
but he always have them candy bars and soda pops in his pockets,
so he kept dropping things and he tripped.
So they put them cement shoes on him and they throwed him in,
and he's swimming with the fishes.
Oh, my God!
My God! I can't believe this is happening.
Why you so upset?
What do you mean?
Well, you always say, "I hate you. You suck. Shut up. I hate you."
I didn't mean anything that I've said before.
It's too Iate now, honey.
It's all right. They gone. Dead. Just done.
They gone.
So, the people at Child Welfare asked me if I would take you,
so I said you can stay here till you're 18, but you...
No! No, no! No!
I got an EBT card, what you worried about?
- Dad! - Honey.
Cindy, what's wrong?
She told me you died.
What?
Madea, why would you tell her that?
Look, this is why I tell her that.
'Cause she's sitting around here mad at everybody and being all nasty and mean.
Your parents could be gone at any minute, then you'll be stuck with somebody Iike me.
Is that what you want? To stay here in this hellhole?
I'm sorry.
Start acting Iike you're sorry, then.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Howie.
It's all right. It's all right, Cindy.
Now, Iook at her, all broke up, acting Iike she's sad and hurt.
Okay, honey. It's okay.
Madea, that was really cruel.
George? Shut the hell up.
It worked, didn't it?
- Dad? - Yeah, son.
There's something I need to tell you.
It'll have to wait till Iater. I got to start the service right now.
Negros.
What the hell did you just say?
- Negros. - Barbara!
Mom,
why don't we step out onto the porch and get some air?
- Negros. - Grams.
I hear Negros from my room.
I believe they're called African-Americans now, Grandma.
Did that child just say "they"?
No, "we."
So beautiful. I hear them from my room.
- Okay. - What's going on?
My baby mama just went Ieft, Mabel. She just went Ieft.
Went Ieft?
I hear...
I hear them from my room. I hear Negros from my room.
Well, I see dead people, but I keep that to myself.
Tell them, Sadie.
Who the hell is Sadie?
Shut up.
Madea, honey. She right, she hear Negros.
It's bad enough that she's slipping.
Please don't encourage her.
No, she do hear Negros.
The whole bunch of them.
She hears a bunch of Negros?
Yes, everybody Iisten. Everybody be quiet.
Spirituals.
That's it. That's what she's trying to say, Negro spirituals.
There's a church down on the corner.
They sing Negro spirituals on Sundays.
Why y'all so uptight?
Son, will you take me to the Negros?
- Take you to the Negro spiritual, honey. - Spiritual.
Right. You can't just say "Negros." Them days has passed.
First we were "Negros," then we was "colored,"
then we were "black," now we "African-American."
Okay? African-Americans. Now singing old Negro spirituals.
- Spirituals. - Negro spirituals.
- Spirituals. Spirituals. Okay. - Yes, Mom. Yes, yes.
Yes, Iet's go.
Let's go down to the church.
Is it safe?
What you mean, "Is it safe," George?
What they gonna do, stone you with a Bible? It's a church.
Pretty good.
Can I get an "amen" for our choir?
Amen!
AII right, well done.
Well done.
Praise the Lord.
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord. I am so happy, so happy to be back in the House of the Lord
where mercy can be found.
As most of you know, I have been very sick these past few months.
But by the grace of God, I've recovered. But I have to tell you something.
I've given a Iot of prayer and I feel it's time for me to retire.
Now don't y'all worry, don't worry.
This church will continue, and its future's guaranteed,
because the church has been paid off.
Praise God!
Oh, no.
And I was able to pay the church off because of the investments of my son.
My son.
I'm so proud of him.
Son, come on up here and tell them what you've done.
Let us praise Jesus 'cause we're all precious in His name.
Precious.
Precious?
- To all the congregation here... - Precious.
...there's something I need to tell you.
I did invest the money...
Precious!
Somebody's got the Holy Ghost.
I know!
- You know? - I know!
The same know that I know?
I know!
That man knows!
- You know? - I know!
- How much do you know? - Do you think that he knows now?
- I'm not hot, I just know. - Praise the Lord!
Yes!
AII right, George, you want to try to explain this to me?
Yeah.
There was a woman named Precious Jackson
that Walter always told me about. Okay?
Now I've Iooked at these accounts and they all start with a Ietter.
The Ietters spell out "Precious Jackson."
It's all encrypted, right here.
What the hell are you talking about?
The Ietters spell out...
Okay, I'm a Iittle confused by this, too.
It's the name the account is in.
Okay.
Just follow this, 'cause it took some doing
to follow the money trail from the Cayman Islands and Germany.
But the trail goes cold when the money goes into a Swiss account. Okay?
Now, they were all given a Ietter when they went in and came out.
- Right? - Okay.
But every month on this date,
as the funds go into this Swiss account,
this account in the US sees a deposit.
Now I balance the two, and it's exactly 10 %
that resurfaces in the US in this account every month
to a Iady named Precious Jackson.
What is 10 % gonna do?
Of 600 million?
That's six million!
Jake.
It's 60 million.
- Sixty. - Sixty.
George.
I can get the church's money back.
- Praise God. - Yes, you and all the charities.
- Can this really work? - Yes, it can work.
Why would Walter take this money
and put it in an account with some woman's name who never touches it?
Well, either he didn't tell her about it, or she doesn't exist.
So what I'll do is I'll get a federal warrant,
we'll get the account seized.
I'm pretty sure once I bring this to the judge, you'll be able to get probation.
That's a great job.
But, Brian, we can get this money back to the people it belongs to.
It's sitting right here in this account.
You didn't just say that to me. I'm an officer of the court.
I don't even know what you're thinking. I didn't hear that.
I don't even want to know what you're thinking. No. No, no, no.
- Brian. - Not having this conversation.
- I'm out of here. - Please. Come on.
- I will see you at the office tomorrow... - Brian.
...bright and early, George.
- Thank you so much. - Brian. Please.
Bye.
I've come too close to give up now, okay? I'm not calling it quits.
I'm gonna get that money back to the charities.
Right? I want my Iife back.
And here is where I start to take action.
So you're either with me or you're not, but I'm not giving up without a fight.
So what's it gonna be, Mr. I'm-a-tough-guy-from-the-hood?
Mr. You-going-down-homie?
'Cause I'll tell you, I'm gonna do the damn thing.
So you're with me or what?
I'm with you.
- Gucci! - Yeah.
With you.
You okay?
I will be.
George, what's going on?
I screwed up, that's what's going on.
And now there's a big wrong that I have to right.
And I just have to figure out how I'm gonna do it.
But I'm gonna do it. I am gonna do it.
George, I haven't seen this much fire in you since we got married.
Well, maybe it's Iong overdue, huh?
Do you remember our honeymoon in Florence?
- I remember it rained every day. - It did.
And do you remember, you said,
"What if our marriage is nothing but full of rainy days?"
I might have been joking.
But I remember you still got upset, didn't you?
- I did. - Yeah.
And what did you say?
I said,
"Rain does make things grow."
Exactly.
What if all this happened for a reason?
For you and I to get to know each other again,
for our family to get closer, for us to grow?
What if it did?
Kate, you are amazing.
I swear to you, I'm gonna make things right.
I have no doubt.
Honey, you always do the right thing.
I Iove you so much.
I Iove you, too.
I'm so proud of you, George.
That's good.
I'm closing an account.
Rita, it looks like you'll be withdrawing $4 million from us today.
$4 million?
- Is that correct? - Yes.
Well, how would you like that?
10s and 20s?
Hey, son. We watching Ghost.
She's gonna walk up in a bank and act Iike she somebody else.
Look at that.
You know we require identification and all that.
Rita Miller or Oda Mae Jones, she don't even know what her name is.
Rita Miller. That's my name.
My name. Rita Miller.
My name.
The check.
Here you are.
What the hell you Iooking at me Iike the Iast virgin for?
Now Iet me make sure I got this right.
Y'all want me to get on the aeroplane,
go out to New York City and go in a bank and pretend to be Precious Jackson?
Is that right?
Yes.
Does Brian know anything about this?
- No. - He thinks you both could go to jail.
Well, I could be going to jail anyway.
That's all right. Just don't drop the soap, you'll be fine.
I been up in there. You might have to fight a Iittle bit, kick a Iittle ass.
But you'll be all right.
If you don't kick no ass, they gonna take your ass.
But you'll be all right.
I don't know about this, though. I don't feel good about this.
I just don't... I don't know. I don't know.
Madea, it's easy.
It's just as easy as it was in the movie.
Whoopi Goldberg had a dead white man helping her
all through that whole movie.
I'll help you.
You alive. I said dead!
George, you cannot go to New York.
Honey, I have to.
You can't. They're still after you. Are you crazy?
I'll disguise myself somehow.
They won't know me. Okay? It'll be fine.
- No, I can't do that. - Madea.
Please, I know you can do it.
You say this is for charity?
And for the church? Right, Jake? For the church? It's for the church?
It's for the church, for your daddy get the money back for the church?
AII right. Now my question then becomes,
all these beautiful people that got these charities
and helping all these children and feeding the people around the world,
it's for that, that's wonderful, but I have a question for you.
What the hell in it for me?
Madea, you'll feel a Iot better about yourself.
I always feel good about myself. Hell, I was born 6'2".
237 pounds.
I have always been this big all my Iife. I went to kindergarten this big.
I had to have high self-esteem. I feel good about myself.
Ain't nothing you gonna tell me gonna make me feel good about myself.
You give me some money, that'll make me feel good about myself.
Okay, you know what?
Can we figure that out after this is done?
George, have you ever hired a ho?
No. No.
She want her money first. Do you understand?
I need to get some money first.
Don't perform no services until the money's on the table.
You know what? I'll do it. I will do it.
AII I got to do is go in there
and give them a bunch of accounts to transfer the money to?
- Yes. - 12 accounts?
I just give them the information to do the transfer?
That's it. That's all.
AII right, I'll do it.
Then I will gladly do it. So he just gonna wire the money to the accounts?
- Yes. - Okay, fine.
Come on, Iet's go. Where's my purse? Y'all get my purse.
Joe, where's my purse? We've got to go up to New York.
You know what? If you guys are gonna go,
she can't Iook Iike this, she can't be wearing that.
- Right. - What's wrong with what I got on?
This came from Aretha Franklin. Aretha gave me this.
And y'all know Aretha can dress.
You've seen Aretha, she makes fashion statements.
How about Barbara, Cindy and I give you a makeover?
Introducing Precious Jackson.
Wow.
This might work.
No. I don't know what the hell y'all are thinking.
You Iook Iike a big ass bottle of Pepto-Bismol.
- Can I give you a hand, sir? - Yes. The Iuggage.
The airport.
This bag. This way.
- Here we go? - Yeah.
Okay.
Going to the airport.
- Right this way, ma'am. - AII right, I'll follow you.
You ain't got to rush me, I know where the hell I'm going.
The airport. A Iot of people here.
I'm nervous. I need to relax.
Well, there's nothing to be nervous about.
It's just Iike riding in a car, except you're 30,000 feet higher.
Cars don't crash from 30,000 feet, George.
You need something to calm your nerves, I got that old wee-wee.
Hey, what does that mean, drugs?
- Is that drugs? - I know you ain't got no drugs.
- No drugs. - If you got...
I'm gonna beat your ass if you got them drugs.
You don't bring no drugs up in here.
- They got sniffing dogs up in here. - No drugs.
Y'all go through. I'm not going through with y'all.
I'm not going through. Excuse me, y'all. Excuse me.
- I'm not going through with them at all. - Madame, you are making a scene.
- Watch yourself. Watch yourself, here. - That's a no, no.
Y'all go on. I don't know them. I don't know them.
Hi. Hi. A Iittle scary.
When I'm finished doing, this gonna be the bomb.
- Don't say "bomb." Don't say "bomb." - What is the bomb?
- No, no, no. - Don't say...
Hey, he don't want me saying "bomb."
Okay.
What do I do, just give him the ticket?
And show him my ID?
- Okay. - That's the way.
Okay, that's me, and that's my ticket.
- That is the way. - Okay, thank you so much.
AII right.
Now what y'all doing?
- What y'all doing? - Taking off our shoes.
Take off your personal items and put them in the tray.
What they gonna do with my personal items?
Baby, I can't take off my shoe.
Do you know how hard it is for a woman my size to take off her shoes?
I'm supposed to take off my shoes?
Yes, ma'am.
What the hell do I need to be taking my shoes off for?
Baby, when you're this big, it's hard to take your shoes off.
That's all I'm saying.
Take them off, but I don't know who the hell gonna help me put them back on.
Y'all so serious.
Watch that now.
There you go.
Oh, Lord. And you just push it through there?
- Now what I do? What I do? - Right this way.
Right this way.
Okay. I'm gonna come on through this thing.
- What the hell is that? - Just step over here, please, ma'am.
What was that?
Just step over here through the scanner.
- What'd you want me to do? - Step through here, please.
- Okay, all right. - Right through the scanner.
Now what am I supposed to do? This ain't gonna drop me down?
Just go and put your feet in the footsteps, please.
That's really wide. You want me to put both my feet where these yellow feet?
- Yes, ma'am. - That's really wide.
My Iegs ain't been open that wide since I had my daughter.
George, they want me to spread my Iegs.
Okay, fine.
- Now what? - Put your hands over your head, please.
- Like this? - That's it.
Hands over your head.
Wow, this is really sexual.
Reminds me back of my stripping days.
They used to call me Magnitude.
You see anything?
Can I have you step outside, please?
Step outside.
Right this way. Put your hands down.
- Can I close my Iegs? - Yes, please.
Okay, thank you so much.
- Now what? - Stand right over here, please.
- Yes. - I'm just gonna do a quick pat down.
- On my body? - Yes.
- Go ahead and raise your hands. - Am I under arrest?
- No, ma'am. - Why you patting me down?
- Just standard procedure. - A standard...
- I got to do all this to get on the airplane? - Yes, please.
George, I got to do all this to get on the airplane?
Ma'am, it's just standard procedure. I need you to put your hands up, please.
- Thank you. - Go on, pat me down.
Now, wait a minute.
You gonna find a roadmap to heaven. You better come on from up there now.
Come on up.
Turn around.
Can I put my hands down?
Now wait. Now what the hell you doing?
Boy.
Something back here that you wanna tell me about?
Yes, that's my ass. It's from wall-to-wall in this skirt.
We're clear. Go right ahead.
You need to buy me a cigarette or a drink or something after doing all that to me.
You don't know me.
I ain't felt that many hands all over my body
since I got off that train from Mexico.
Where's my purse and my shoes?
Anybody ever told you you Iook Iike Beyoncé?
No.
Madea, I found my wifey.
Shut the hell up back there. You in coach.
You ain't supposed to talk to nobody in first class.
Didn't you see Titanic?
I'm nervous.
I know. But behave.
What the hell was that? What was that?
There better not be no terrorer on this plane. Is there a terrorer?
Is there terrorer on here? Better not be no terrorer.
Madea, it's a bump. Bump, bump.
What the hell a bump doing in the air? Bumps are on the road.
- That's all. - Bumps ain't in the air. Hell.
This thing just makes me nervous. I don't Iike being on this thing.
I got to pee. I need something to relax me. Calm me down.
What do you want? What do you want?
I want a joint.
- You need that good-good, Madea? - Boy, shut up.
Just get me a drink. Can I get a drink?
Can they get a Iady a drink? Can a colored woman get a drink?
I'll get a flight attendant.
I'll get her. Flight attendant?
Flight attendant? Flight attendant? Flight attendant?
Ma'am, are you okay?
You're making the other passengers just a Iittle bit nervous, okay?
I would Iike something to drink, please.
'Cause I need something to relax me just a Iittle bit.
Okay. What would you Iike?
That depends. How much is it?
You're in first class, it's free.
Okay. Well, bring me every damn thing you got back there.
If it's brown, pour it.
Lord have mercy, I ain't never seen no place Iike this before.
They call it the Big Apple, huh?
I wonder why they call it the Big Apple. I don't see no apples.
- Do you see the apples anywhere? - No.
I wanna see that thing, too, that thing with the torch on it.
The statue. The Statue of Limitations.
Lord, Iook at all these people.
I ain't never seen this many people in one place
unless they be giving away government cheese.
I don't understand why folk would be all on top of each other Iike this.
This is too much. I got to get back to Georgia.
Come on, Iet's go get this business done.
New York!
Yes indeed, y'all. This is nice.
- Yeah, I'm in New York, baby. - How you doing?
Hello, madame. May I take your bags?
- Where you gonna take it? - I'll take it to your room, if you Iike.
- No. No. No, no. - She is world-traveled.
She never think about the Iuggage.
I don't think about no Iuggage.
I don't think about no Iuggage or the garbage or none of that stuff.
- This way. - Okay.
Well, get on out of the way there. Let a Iady pass.
You in the way, George, move. Let them open the door for me.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
This place is Iovely. Hello. Welcome. Thank you. Welcome.
Welcome to me. My first time here.
Hello. Hello.
They take dogs. Well, Oprah Winfrey must stay here. Is she here?
This is Iovely.
Run into me one more time, and I'm gonna knock the hell out of you.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Good afternoon, sir.
A reservation for Jackson.
- Of course. Good afternoon, madam. - Hello.
I have the reservation.
I have your credit card information on file.
And here are your keys.
And if you would be so kind as to sign here at the bottom of this form.
But of course.
- But of course. - Lovely accent.
- Yes. - Yes.
Yes. The reservation is under Precious Jackson.
That is my name. I'm one of the Jackson family.
- Well, really? That's wonderful, madam. - Yes, yes.
Yes. Excellent.
Well, it was La Toya and Rebbie and me. Yeah.
- And Janet. Little Janet. - Wonderful.
- We are so proud to have you here, madam. - Thank you so much.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Back the hell up. Thank you.
If I have a phone call from Janet or La Toya or Rebbie Jackson...
- Yes, madam? - ...please put them through.
- They're always calling me, all the time. - I see.
'Cause they need makeup tips and advice.
- I'll put them right through to your room. - Yes, thanks.
- I will do that, madam. Yes. - Thank you so much. Thank you.
- Shall we go? - The elevators are to your Ieft.
And I do hope you enjoy your stay.
- Well, yes, we will. Thank you so much. - Yes, wonderful.
- Thank you so much. - Don't fall over.
You hit me with these bags one more time, I will knock the hell out of you.
- What's in here? - Get the hell on the elevator.
You got two midgets in here.
If Randy or Jermaine or Tito call,
tell them I just cannot talk right now, I'm gonna have to call them Iater.
Very good, madam. I have that.
What the hell you pulling me for, George?
I know how to open the door, here. This...
This is nice.
Oh, Lord, this furniture nice.
Ain't got no plastic on it. Can't be too nice, though.
- How you doing? - Good.
- Wonderful. Hello. - Hello.
Your chocolate.
Yes, I know I'm chocolate.
That's a new way of saying "black"? I'm chocolate, yes. African-American.
Forgive madame. She is, how you say, preoccupée.
You gonna stop calling me madame. My name is Madea, not madame.
Zip it.
- For you, monsieur. Thank you. - Thank you. Thank you.
What the hell was he just standing up here for,
just Iooking all scary and weird?
I thought I had checked into the Bates Motel.
He's standing there Iike that.
- What was he waiting for? - A gratuity.
- What is that? - A tip.
Why didn't you just say "tip"? I know what the hell a tip is.
Now, George, how much did you just give that man? You gave him paper money.
- How much was that? - Twenty.
Twenty what?
Dollars. $20.
Have you Iost your mind, George?
Waiter! Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
Hello, mister. Can I talk to you forjust a second?
Mister? I'm tired as hell.
Here. Hold this for me, baby, and Iet me hold that. That's $20.
Baby, Iisten, if we wanted that for chocolate, we'd go get us a Snickers.
Here's your tip.
Pardon, monsieur, she is...
- Movez-vous. Movez-vous. - Go on. Go on. $20?
Would you get a grip? You've got to play the part.
Trust me. Appearance is everything. Okay?
Now, we need to get some rest
so we can get to the bank early and get out of here.
That's fine. Let's get some rest, then, George.
But you ain't gonna give no $20 to nobody. That's just damn crazy.
Child, if Joe could see me now.
This mattress is nice.
No, can't Iay down flat Iike that.
Yeah. Women who is well-endowed can't Iay flat.
'Cause them breasts will sneak up around your neck
and choke the hell out of you through the night.
Got to throw them over to the side.
This is nice.
Silk.
Okay, here we go. Here we go.
Now remember, you're Precious Jackson,
and you wanna get all the money transferred into the 12 accounts.
You can't keep running this over and over again.
- You're gonna make me forget everything. - Okay. This is it. This is it.
I understand. You gonna make me forget everything.
I can't keep doing this over and over again.
- Just relax. - AII right, I got it.
I'm relaxed, George, I'm relaxed. But you tensing me the hell up.
- Okay. Okay. - Okay.
- Got it? - I got it. I got it.
Madea.
Yes?
Remember, the man you're meeting, his name is Jack Goldenberg.
What the hell you speaking a French accent for, George?
This is me and you talking.
Hell, I know how to speak French, too.
Shut the hell up.
I got it. Jack Goldenberg.
- Thank you. - Okay.
Excuse me while I do my Tyra Banks.
Hello.
Can you help me? I'm here to see Whoopi Goldberg.
Excuse me?
Silly me. I'm sorry. I was just watching The View.
I'm here to see Jack Goldenberg. Jack Goldenberg.
- May I tell him who's here? - Yes...
I'm sorry, I was about to say, "What a mighty God we serve."
Precious Jackson is my name. I'm a part of the Jackson family.
Yes. But, you know, they put me on the outskirts.
- So now, it's just me and Bubbles. - Bubbles.
- Yeah, yeah. - That the monkey?
- Yeah, great Iittle monkey. - Oh, my God.
Yeah. I call him Joe, but everybody else calls him Bubbles.
You certainly do have an appointment.
Precious Jackson to see you.
Hello. Hi. Thank you so much, Magdalene.
- It's so great to see you. - How can I help you?
Jack, I called you.
We spoke about all the transfers that I need to do.
I got that request Iast evening. Let me see.
Jack, can we do this? I'd Iike to add one more account to that.
Because I'm feeling so generous and I've given to so many charities.
Here is the account number. I know that's 12, this'll be the 13th.
- Thirteenth? - Yes.
And, of course, in this economic climate, you're gonna need my identification.
Precious Jackson. Here you are.
- Well, thank you. - Okay.
She's been in there way too Iong.
She's not. She hasn't been, and she's doing a mission.
Very dangerous work she's doing.
You're just... You know what? You're such a...
I'd hate to be cliff-diving with you.
Look, I saw this in a movie once.
You go east, I go west, we meet in the subway.
We'll make it out alive.
I'm not running with you. Okay?
I'm not running down the street Iike some biatch.
Like some biatch, okay?
Wait. What are you talking about, fool?
I'm committed to see this through.
You know what they'll do with you with that mustache in jail?
You better not snitch.
- Please. - You kill me.
- There she is. - Oh, my goodness.
- Jack, you kill me. - Now, our cover.
- Yes, thank you. - She got it.
But if there's anything else you need, you call Jack Goldenberg directly.
I certainly will. I certainly will.
- May I help you? - Oh, you're delightful.
- What a Iovely woman. - No. I've got it. I've got it.
You got to stop flirting with me. You ain't getting nothing.
I see you Iooking at my ass. Don't you do that. Don't you do that.
- I would never do that. - Stop that flirting with me.
- What a woman. What a woman. - Thank you so much.
- I'll see you Iater. AII right. - Well, our pleasure again.
- Did you get it? - Yes.
- Let's go. - Yes.
Thank you very much, sir. Thank you.
Well, what did he say?
Well, he's not very happy and neither am I that you took my aunt up to New York.
To that bank. That's crazy.
But he's getting a Iot of calls from the charities, they're very happy.
The press is very excited about it, so he's okay, and so am I.
Well, what does that mean for me?
You've helped us gather enough information and evidence against your former bosses
that we got a pretty solid case.
With that information, we pressured them,
and they've agreed to testify against the Malone family,
so they won't be after you.
So we just talked about dropping the charges against you.
What you did, getting those accounts back in order,
and having all that money wired back to the charities, all 13 of them,
it's really great.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was.
You're free to go, George.
- So I'm free? - Yeah.
Enjoy your Iife, George.
Take care of yourself. Stay out of trouble.
Thank you.
The other way.
Thank you.
This has been Iovely. It's just been so fun having y'all here.
Madea, thank you.
Thanks for everything.
You have no idea how much I wanna say, "Get the hell out."
But I'm holding that in, because I'm showing so much Iove to you.
I enjoyed having y'all here.
The best part about company is when they Ieave.
I'm gonna miss you so much, Madea.
That's okay, child. AII them potatoes in my house is glad you Ieaving.
- Me, too. - Yeah?
Can we come back and visit?
That is so sweet. You wanna come back and visit?
No, I don't think so. I'm sorry.
You can write me Ietters, though.
Long, Iong, Iong Ietters. Dissertations from very, very, very far away.
Negros.
Okay, time to get her the hell out of here.
- Spirituals. - Now she gets it.
Okay, Mom, Iet's go. One Iast time.
Let's go.
There's my boy. There's my boy.
Bye, Joe. I'll be back.
I'll be back, Joe. Bye.
- Y'all, come on. - Bye.
Mabel, get them the hell out of here now.
I'll see y'all around.
Bye. Bye.
- Bye. - Bye.
Yes!
- Love you, Dad. - Love you, Son.
Yeah!
I did that. I got that money, baby.
I got that money!
I don't want to go to prison, because, you know?
Food is bad, I'm probably gonna Iose weight.
Probably go down to nothing and get gang-raped.
I don't wanna shower in prison.
They can do strange things to you in prison.
Do you understand? Do you understand?
I think I can handle myself. I really do.
I really do. I just don't want to go through the experience
of having to do that. Okay?
I don't want to have to worry about other guys in there.
When I get so mad, I'm gonna have to use my fists,
you know, just to defend myself.
Go upstairs and get your mom's pills.
- Find a Iittle straitjacket and calm down... - And a straitjacket, too.
Figure this out, Maysie.
And then you put in that fatback grease,
and you make sure it just sits there and soak, so it'll be Iight.
I got some oatmeal on the stove,
and I got some greens that's gonna clean you out.
It's Iike none of this is gonna matter.
AII right.
That's pretty good for never doing it.
Oh, boy.
- Is she doing it, too? Wow. - Yeah.
She kept her promise.
- What the hell? Charlie Sheen. - Hey. What a surprise.
How are you? Look who back here. Look who back here hiding.
It's Charlie Sheen.
- Big fan. - I'm a big fan of yours, too.
I've wanted to do this ever since... I'm sorry.
- That's freaky. That's freaky. That's freaky. - Damn. Sorry, sorry.
Go on. Go on, rest yourself. Rest yourself.
- No motorboating. No motorboating. - Cut.
Where's Howie?
Oh, God, you don't even want to know what happened to Howie.
It was so awful.
They just told me there was a buffalo and a monkey somewhere,
and I just have not been able to figure how they got out of the zoo.
I'm sorry.
I am 6'4" tall and a woman.
Do you think I have self-esteem issues?
I ain't never played for the WNBA, but I could.
I ain't got no self-esteem issues, hell.
I got a mustache. Do you understand? I'm a dude up under this stuff.
Sorry, this is Precious Jackson. I'm in the Presidential Suite.
And there are two toilets here.
And I was trying to figure out, which one am I supposed to use?
I don't know which one suits me best. One of them has things on it Iike a faucet.
What is that for?
Yes, you know how you turn on the faucet.
I'm not a sir, I'm a ma'am. You don't hear me, honey?
Okay, yes, there's two toilets here.
There's one that I recognize and then there's one that I don't recognize.
It's got two handles on it, Iike you gonna wash your hands or something.
A bidet? What is a bidet, honey?
I don't need Bengays and all that stuff. Just trying to figure out what the toilet is.
Right. Your hands?
It's for washing your ass?
No, when I wanna wash my ass, I take a bath, honey.
That's just nasty. Now who'd do that?
Listen, I didn't know you were gonna answer the phone.
I thought the phone was disconnected. I'm so sorry.
Okay. I'll talk to you Iater. Bye.
There was actually somebody there?
Yes. Yes, the whole time.
She was trying to explain to me what it was.
I'd Iike to order one of your famous...
Baby, this say hamburgers $45. What the hell is on the burger?
No, no, no. For $45, there better be more than a hamburger.
For $45, it better get up in this bed and roll around with me for a Iittle while.
You don't think that's funny. Okay.
No. Do you have chicken wings?
You don't do those.
Well, maybe you can ask the chef to prepare them for me, then.
Yes.
How many would I Iike? That depends. How many are there in the order?
Okay, seven chicken wings. Okay. How much are the seven chicken wings?
$30 a wing?
30 damn dollars a wing?
You crazy as hell. People pay that?
No, honey, I can't. $30 for a damn chicken wing?
Do you know that I can get 20 of them,
they come in a pack, 20 for $1 .99 down at Roscoe's?
I can't have this, honey. No, I'm gonna starve in this hotel.
My name is Precious Jackson.
My name is Melinda.
Hello, I'm Precious Jackson.
Yo. Yo, what's up? I'm Precious. They call me Precious.
I thought you were, you know, some tough guy from the hood?
You know, "My biggest nightmare."
Thug Iife, fool. Thug Iife, fool.
Do me a favor. Send your old man some money every now and then.
Just a Iittle something. It ain't got to be nothing.
Just four, five, $20,000, $30,000 a month or something, you know?
You okay?
I'll put a Iittle something in an envelope. Don't worry. We'll take care of you.
Okay. And Iisten, don't write no checks, 'cause I got a Iittle trouble with the IRS.
Okay. Well, it'll just be cash.
- Okay, good. - Just be cash. That's the cleanest.
Yeah, yeah, that's the way the dope boy do it.
- You can spend cash. - Yes, you can. Yes, you can.
I know a Iot of ways to spend them. I'll be making it rain.
- Joe, a real pleasure meeting you. - Yeah?
- Yeah, get your hand off me, son. - I'm sorry.
I don't Iike people touching me. Folks don't wash their hands.
AII right, Dad.
- AII right, son. Son. - Dad.
好的 - Okay. - AII right.
我现在爱你了 - 我也爱你，爸爸 - I Iove you now. - I Iove you, too, Dad.
我爱你，真心地爱你 I Iove you. I Iove you with the Iove of the Lord.
他以为我是他儿子 He thinks I'm his son.
这就是一部有爱的... Well, this has been a Iovely, Iovely, Iovely...
大电影，难道你不喜欢它吗？ Been a great movie. Didn't you enjoy it?
晚安 Good night.