hi i'm tony robbins hi i'm sage robin
it's a lot of people have relationships
where they've settled and they've got
themself in a place where it's a
friendship you know they've had on the
back a little kiss on the cheek
there's not that aliveness anymore and
oftentimes we're told well that's what
you're supposed to expect after a period
of time because it isn't about time it's
about triggers and knowing those really
are the other things we just want you to
know is this is really about how to be
happy because you know so many people in
life have these dreams and goals and
then they get them and they're unhappy
and when you travel around the world
here's what you fine I don't care what
background people have what their
religious belief is what levels success
or challenge they have in their life
people want happiness they want joy they
want to feel good about their life they
want a sense of meaning that there's
love and passion there that maybe
there's something in your life that
you've done that you know has made a
difference for someone you love nothing
feels greater than that and also knowing
someone loves you so much they're so
passionate for you that your life has a
different level of meaning but as
important as this area is for most
people this is the area they master the
least most of us run to work we run to
business or shaping our bodies or our
kids because it's safer and we have
control but this is an area that if you
take charge of yourself and if you
understand the dynamics of men and women
in relationship you can make changes and
minutes that maybe you've tried to make
for years and really not being able to
experience our goal is to give you the
resources to take whatever you've been
talking about whatever you've been
dreaming about or as great as your
relationship is to the next level where
love and passion is a daily experience
so we thank you and we're gonna begin
this process thank you for joining us
maybe one day we'll meet you personally
in a program but until then God bless
just stay on the line and pretty soon
you'll meet Jen and Paul you'll see what
it's like to be able to come back from
the edge god bless them we'll look for
to me anything live with passion and
you're afraid yes
what are you afraid of that if I leave
my wife I'll lose my identity and my
self-worth and I'll lose our love and
love for myself you probably will in
fact it'll be worse than that what do
you mean do you have kids yes yes you'll
feel them hating you at times you're
gonna lose a lot of money more than you
think he's gonna have another guy bring
up his kids he's gonna fall in love with
another woman to make all the same
mistakes all over again
this is my wife hi is your love for this
man unconditional yes is that your
experience sir I've had a lot of
struggles with physical attraction I
tried to tell myself that physically
that was all that I needed and it wasn't
I don't feel that she was the person I
was meant to be with for the rest of my
life you want to leave I want to be free
of the pain on both sides and Sikkim fed
up with feeling this way it's unfair to
her it's unfair to me I said so you
basically believe you know what's right
but have not had the guts to do
something you got it for you to have
certainty and comfort what do you gotta
do I need to know that I'm loved so you
live in a life for the most important
things in life is not big bet you have
uncertainty about how much certainty to
have that your family is of Olivia's
Eero to ten a hundred you're talking
about your father no I lost my father
okay that's okay you were his little
baby girl
definitely What did he say about you
that I was perfect
that bastard told her his perfect
so you're I'm sorry to hear by your
father's passing thank you but your
father needed to pass at some point so
you could have a man he can never be
your man or your father alive he has a
chance now Wow
[Applause]
it's like I have this huge weight lifted
off my shoulders that I don't I don't
have the worry that used to bog down my
brain many people probably believe
they've tried everything and you know
with what they're thinking at the time
they probably can't see anything else if
they just they love the person they're
with and they know in their heart just
try one more time because it's so worth
it
hey it's Tony Robbins listen I'm here
today to talk to the gentlemen in the
group but in case any ladies are
watching today as well here's my
question for you ladies how many of you
cannot stand a man who can't make a
decision how many of you cannot stand a
man who at one point in the relationship
he's there for you and now he doesn't
feel present at all I'm gonna guess that
a man that can't tell you the truth and
now that I stirred up the ladies this
really a video for men gentlemen I know
you know there's been women in your life
who have felt in the beginning so much
passion for you and then gradually you
guys seemed to drift apart you love each
other but there isn't that same
aliveness that same sensuality or
sexuality or excitement together and
mullite of men think that's women that
creates and I would argue to gentlemen
that if you and I take responsibility we
dig underneath and we understand what
the triggers are that make women turn
off then we can turn them back on and
not by some stupid technique but by the
thing that affects most women the
deepest and that is your presence most
women are starving for a man who's
present what does present mean it means
a man who was right here with me 100%
right now his mind isn't doing 20 other
things I know gentlemen it's hard to be
present when woman is talking to you and
she's talking about so many things so
quickly very often that don't relate
because a woman's brain has something
called diffused awareness it means they
take in everything all at once it isn't
multitasking
it's literally transitioning not even
transitioning experiencing multiple
conversations and people at one time
whereas men tend to focus on one thing
at a time and when a woman starts doing
that most men's brains click in and they
try to focus on one thing they can
handle and they're no longer present if
you're in your head and you're not
connected that woman she doesn't feel
that presence and presence
is what opens a woman presents is what
causes a woman to open to you
essentially sexually emotionally her
heart or soul the whole nine yards
ladies correct me if I'm wrong there is
nothing more powerful than presents when
there's real love involved so and oft
often women will respond to a man who
doesn't even love them but who's present
for them where they feel like there's
nothing else in the world but me right
now and gentlemen you know how to do
that when you're in the zone in sport
you are so present when you're in the
zone trying to solve a problem you were
so there and you probably were so there
when you were pursuing this woman but if
you can train yourself to bring that
presence back on a regular basis you can
own your woman like she'd never been
owned where she will literally melt to
you I don't think most women who are
feminine would argue with what I'm
sharing with you right now if they do
they can not only talk back to the video
they can write some comments down below
wherever this thing is posted so what
makes women also feel you're not present
is women they feel like you're not
honest and most men are truly honest but
they just don't want to deal with what
they call the that must be the
technical term right the they get
for telling the truth because she
disagrees about it and then get worn out
by words men were happy to resolve it
but the finally they'll just say yeah
yeah okay okay when you say yeah yeah
okay okay and it's not really okay with
you you're not present so she gets even
more animated see most women they don't
want to please her they would like to be
pleased but they don't want to please
her a pleasers trying to do anything a
can to make things work they feel
there's no present for them and he has
no Center he has no strength they may
like him but that's gonna be hard for
them to respect him and if she doesn't
respect him there's not gonna be a lot
of passion if him is you that's a real
problem you and I both know with you're
a single man who's meeting women or
whether you're in an intimate
relationship so I thought maybe what I
show you is one example of how women
perceive dishonesty with men perceive it
as just leaving things out so they don't
have to deal with more challenges and
how to deal with it differently
and I can tell you that verbally but it
might be better to witness it we were in
Hawaii recently and there was a
gentleman there sharing with us that he
has so much difficulty just dealing with
his wife she wants him to do things like
do the dishes and he says I run
business and I don't do the dishes she
feel doesn't feel like I love her and I
said well why would you just do it at
times because I do at times but it's
like every time and so she asked me you
know you know am I gonna do dishes and I
say yes and then they don't do it then
she gets mad at me and I said yeah
because there isn't anything authentic I
said why don't you play your wife right
now and let's talk about whatever she's
upset about and I'll just be me but I'll
put I'll be you know there's I'll be
myself if I was you and you'll just
watch this little video and it's pretty
simplistic all I basically say is no I'm
not gonna do it and he was shocked when
I demonstrated this but I didn't do it
harsh I didn't say you should go do
these dishes I don't have a delusion
that that's a woman's job I just said
I'm not gonna do it this is the higher
priority but I also don't think it'd be
your problem I am committed working out
a solution but I'm not gonna do this and
there's some things that you probably
don't want to do why don't you let's
work this out it's coming from a place
of congruence and people can feel when
you say what you mean and you mean what
you say versus when you're play gating
so I know this is third grade at one
level like we all know this
intellectually but knowing
intellectually in doing it as an
industry having a passionate
relationship in a relationship where
you're constantly accommodating each
other and accommodation doesn't produce
passion I might have a relationship
where there's some friendship but again
the only difference between you know a
friendship and an intimate relationship
is intimacy and real exciting it to
maseeh is when people feel your presence
feeling of dishonesty you'll take it
away so watch this quick little video
real simple and see what you get out of
the gentleman and think about if you
might use that same sense of presence
that's already inside you that you use
in business or sports with that woman
and not let the password out you might
be surprised women very often when they
feel that strength it excites them to
see you have a standard you're not going
to be swayed take it out and then and
maybe show this even to a woman in your
life and see if she agrees you might say
that Tony Robbins is so full of it
that's a bunch of crap my bet is she'll
say yeah smack you on the shoulder
that's what I've been trying to tell you
be present with me
and instead of you know saying well I'm
sorry I'll be better just deliver it
maybe this week is the time Valentine's
week a time for you to find your own
Center the way you do in business the
way do we have a purpose do that with a
woman in your life the game will change
but you decide there's gonna be a part
of you and a part of your partner in
life whether you found them or the one
you're pursuing or the one you're
already with that you're gonna start to
cherish at a different level now while
that may sound corny we've got some
skills we just spent some time in Hawaii
for seven days with our Platinum
partners and we went deep we were
couples that were absolutely gone how
would you describe some of them some of
them totally in love some of them on at
the top but how would you describe the
experience ah it was it was it's amazing
to be able to take a relationship that
truly doesn't feel that passion and
doesn't feel that intimacy in that love
and in a moment to be able to decide
something new and that's what happened
over and over and over again in Hawaii
and so you're gonna be able to
experience a taste of that and we're
just here to say that this weekend
Valentine's week remember it's about
waking up
it's about waking up to adoring your
partner it's such a different level and
celebrating your partner and you know
it's crazy because on Valentine's Day
you know we do so much that's romantic
and that's thoughtful and that's
creative and go out of our way and it's
about bringing that magic and that love
and that thoughtfulness and that
sincerity and waking up to your
partner's needs it's such a different
level because it really is in the little
things that job you know just create
that depth of love it's also just
deciding to set a stake in the ground a
standard for going forward that this is
not just Valentine's Day but your life
you know people get what they accept
people get what they tolerate in
themselves and each other and most
people in relationship are thinking
about what they're gonna tolerate the
other person but in our relationship I
think the beauty and the passion and all
the juice that I've gotten experience in
our relationship my girl is because I
hold myself to a higher standard that
she can ever expect of me and I think
when your standard and focus is about
yourself instead of about your partner
about how do I show up more what am I
here to give in the beginning of a
relationship people's whole focus is how
do i light them up I want to do anything
lights them up and it makes you feel
incredible like your partner and you
know relationship is aging not based on
years but based on one you can be with
a week but if you started thinking about
what are they doing for me and I'm doing
it all you start measuring what you're
giving instead of just giving from your
heart in your soul things drop off so
maybe this week is a chance for you to
really create some relationship
breakthroughs and we think that takes
three things any kind of breakthrough
sometimes it's having the right strategy
because frankly you know as a guy we say
and do things that girls interpret very
differently they come up with very
different meanings and vice versa you
know for men for example problems are
not things you talk about problems of
things you solve right now or you make
them small and move on for ladies
sharing that problem digging in feeling
it not solving it understanding you
understand you gentleman is such a key
piece we are such different species and
I think having an understanding of each
other and each other's needs and knowing
that we are not the same you know our
own reality of how we think and feel and
process life isn't the same for your
partner so having that not just
understanding but truthfully
appreciation for how they view and
experience the world is a game changer
is it games are there's so many things
in our relationship and it's like oh my
goodness you know what it's not me
because sometimes you take things person
it's just knowing that that's how they
process reality and process life well
there's a bag it's not meant for Mars
when you do penis John Grey's a friend
of mine that's a wonderful approach but
all men have a feminine side of the
masculine side all women have the
feminine side of the masculine side it's
really just understanding how this
species their different species
interpret the world and if you don't
understand the strategy how to interpret
that you'll be upset or angry or
frustrated so perhaps this week and you
know you'll be able to dig in and get
some new understandings that'll take
some of the weight off and make you
laugh and stuff that you used to get
upset about it's one thing their
strategies to know how to fix things but
oftentimes you don't apply what you know
because you got a story about your
relationship a story about your part but
they don't really care you know you've
got frustrations or pains or
disappointments that got interpreted in
the past and now you're generalizing
about your partner whenever we
generalize about anybody we do them a
disservice in ourselves as well so maybe
this week during Valentine's week it's
maybe discover what are the empowering
stories about your relationship if you
ask a couple how did you meet and they
talk about it with such passion
excitement you know the relationships
still alive if they go yeah we met you
know this is what happens
we bumped into each other there's no
energy for it even the story of how you
met affects you so party this week Mike
you might want to take a look at the
stories that you tell about your partner
to yourself to your friends to your
partner because we we start to believe
our stories and I always tell people
want to change your life change your
story divorce the story of how your
partner's not enough or you'll never
find the partner you want if you're
single or the good ones are gone
whatever stopping you from getting what
you want in a relationship there's a
story about it
you can uncover it you can get rid of it
divorce your story and marry the truth
the truth is always something alone
power you much more and that truth of
that magnification remembering it's like
one of the gifts that we give each other
especially actually at a time like this
like Valentine's week it's actually been
living those moments you know reliving
the magic and appreciating the magic and
it's just I don't know it infuses into
your life
rather than looking and letting those
stack