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请报上您的名字以供记录 Please state your name for the record
斯坦·马什 Stan Marsh
所以 嗯 马什先生 你参与了 And, uh, Mr. Marsh, you were involved
流量大战 没错吧？ In the streaming wars, is that correct?
我们为流水体服务做了些东西 没错 We made stuff for streaming services, yes
这起案件的被告人和你是什么关系？ And how do you know the defendant in this case?
她是我朋…熟人的母亲 She's the mother of my f-- acquaintance
在你做流水体服务的订单时 When you made your deals for streaming services
你们在某种程度上挑拨了他们 对吗？ You sort of leveraged them against each other, didn't you?
没错 That is correct
现如今流量泡沫破裂了 And now the streaming bubble has burst
你的父亲也潜逃了 对吗？ And your own father is in hiding, isn't that correct?
我爸爸不见了 这点没错 My dad is missing, that is correct
在制造这些用于流水体服务的冰棒棍小船时 What exactly was your job in making these
你具体都干了些什么工作？ Little Popsicle stick boats for streaming services?
呃 我的工作是吃冰棒 Um, my job was to eat the Popsicles
而且付你钱的人不在乎你做了什么？ And the people who paid you didn't care what you made?
嗯 如果你仔细想想 大部分的流水体服务上 Well, if you look at it, only about a fourth of what's on
只有四分之一的东西才有点破价值 Most streaming services is really worth a shit
所以…噢 抱歉 So-- Oh, sorry
你知道独家合约是什么吗？ Do you know what an exclusive deal is?
是的 我当然知道独家合约是什么 Yes, I know what an exclusive deal is
所以 如果你和一家流水体服务平台签订了独家合约 So, if you make an exclusive deal with a streaming service
你就不能再和另一家流水体服务平台 You can't make an exclusive deal
签订独家合约了 对吧？ With another streaming service, can you?
流量大战爆发又不是我们的错！ It's not our fault that the streaming wars happened!
那么 为什么不直接把钱退回去呢？ So, then why not just give back the money?
-我们退不了！ -为什么？！ -We can't! -Why not?!
因为钱都花在卡特曼那该死的奶子上了！ 'Cause the money is all in Cartman's fucking tits!
卡特曼太太 您和您的儿子住在一个热狗里 Ms. Cartman, you and your son live in a hot dog
对吗？ Is that correct?
是的 埃里克 你也知道就是如此 Yes, Eric, you know that's correct
然后你的儿子想要你 And your son wanted you
隆个假奶子 这样街对面的有钱人 To get fake tits so that the rich guy
就会让你去和他住在一起 Across the street would let you live with him
但是你拒绝了 对吗？ But you refused, is that right?
没错 That's right
所以当我说“如果你不去隆假奶 我就去”的时候 So when I said, "If you don't get fake tits I will,"
你就不加劝阻 直接让我去了 You just told me to go ahead
没错 因为我受够你做这些极端的事 Yes, because I'm sick of you doing extreme things
好让自己得逞了 To get your way
所以你拒绝了 So you refused even though
哪怕有成千上万的女性都在隆假奶 Tons of women get fake breasts all the time
法官大人 请容我向您介绍证物D… Your Honor, I'd like to introduce Exhibit D--
成千上万隆了假奶的女性 Tons of women with fake tits
汤姆 我正站在法院外 法官刚刚对 Tom, I'm standing outside the courthouse where the judge
卡特曼诉卡特曼案做出了不予受理裁定 Has just thrown out the Cartman v. Cartman case
法官称 “你们都是一群混蛋 The judge said, quote, "You're all a bunch of shitheads
滚出我的法庭” Get out of my courtroom."
汤姆 这再一次证明了 Just proof once again, Tom
流水体服务让一切都烂透了 That streaming services have made everything suck
※出自奥蒂斯·雷丁的《You Don't Miss Your Water》
*在最起初* * In the beginning *
*你真的好爱我 噢* * You really loved me, oh *
*我却太盲目* * I was too blind *
*无法看出* * I could not see, now *
*现在你离开了我* * But now that you left me *
*我止不住地嚎啕大哭* * Oh, how I cried, I keep crying *
*不要直到失去* * You don't miss your water *
*才懂得珍惜* * Till your well runs dry *
好吧 妈 那 我希望你学到教训了 'Kay, Mom, well, I hope you learned your lesson
所以现在 你能接受隆假奶了么 So, maybe now, will you get fake tits
这样我就能把这破玩意取出去了？ So I can get these stupid things out?
不 埃里克！不！ No, Eric! No!
*我从未想到* * I never thought, no *
我能来个奶昔吗？ Can I get a Frosty?
*我从未想到你会离开* * I never thought you'd ever leave me *
*但当你离开了我* * But now that you've left me *
*上帝 上帝啊 我嚎啕大哭* * Good Lord, good Lord, how I cried *
*不要直到失去* * You don't miss your water *
*才懂得珍惜* * Till your well runs dry *
*不要直到失去* * Ooh, you don't miss your water *
*不要直到失去* * You don't miss your water *
*才懂得珍惜* * Till your well runs dry *
*我想念我曾拥有的一切 无法忘怀…* * I miss my water, I keep missing my water... *
哦 淦 是凯伦！ Oh, shit, it's Karen!
※原义指自认为享有特权 颐指气使的白人女性
啥？ What?
快点 快走 孩子们 快走 Come on. Go, kids, go
发…发生什么事了？ What... what happened?
-哇 是真的凯伦耶 -我们得走了！ -Wow, it's the real thing. -We gotta go!
那儿！你看见没？凯伦就在那！ There! You see? Karen is right there!
行吧 行吧 大家往后退…往后退退！ Okay, okay, everyone back-- just stay back!
听着 凯伦 我们不想搞出麻烦来 All right, Karen. We don't want any trouble
哈？ Huh?
没必要闹成这样 凯伦 我们可以帮助你 It doesn't have to be like this, Karen. Let us get you some help
能…能来人告诉我发生什么事了吗？ Can-can someone please tell me what's going on?
有没有 那个 什么经理能和我谈谈… Is there, like, a manager I can speak to somew...
凯伦放倒了！ Karen's clear!
上！ Move in!
放松放松 Just relax
把你记得的全告诉我 凯伦 I need to know what you remember, Karen
我开展了一项流水体服务… I started a streaming service...
为了与对街的大麻农场竞争 To compete with the weed farm across the street
然后有人死了 And some guy died
没错 That's right
你知道纯信大麻农场的主人现在在哪吗？ Do you know where the owner of Credigree Weed is now?
不 No
流量大战失控了 The steaming wars got out of hand
你的竞争对手不知怎么的把 Your rival here somehow got
人熊猪纳入了麾下 让它谋杀了其他竞争对手 ManBearPig to work for him and murder the competition
你…一路跑到科罗拉多州的州水务局 You... went down to the Colorado State Water Commission's office
你要求见一见那里的经理 You asked to speak with the manager
然后你就直接凯伦到爆炸了 And then you went full nuclear Karen
凯伦到爆炸？ Full nuclear Karen?
你疯狂对线了在场的每个人 You went ballistic on everybody
-好了… -叫警察啊 天杀的 你要是看不惯我在这 -Okay... -Call the cops, goddamn it, if you don't like me over here
他妈的叫啊！ 好了 凯伦 -Fucking call 'em! -Okay. Karen
操你妈的！ Motherfucker!
-滚回墨西哥去 -听着 我只是说 -Go back to Mexico. -Listen. I said--
我说“不好意思” I said "excuse me."
滚 哪来的滚回哪去 Go. Go back wherever you're from!
你走遍了全国 见到个人就说要找他经理 You traveled all over the state and demanded to see everyone's managers
就是他 他就是那个突然发火的混蛋 He's the one...he's the one that went off
噢 天哪… Oh, God...
我难道没权利在这儿吗？！ I don't have a right to be here?!
在丹佛的州政府外面 Outside the State office
你造成了一起二十辆车连环相撞的事故 In Denver, you caused a 20-car pileup
哼？！把你们经理叫出来 立刻！ Huh?! Call a manager now!
造成五人重伤 Five people were severely injured
你随后向机场发起袭击 And then you attacked the airport
把你们机场经理他妈的给我叫出来！ I want the manager of the fucking airport here!
你在教我做事… Who's tellin' me to...
我要机场经理过来！ I want the manager of the airport here!
之后马德里发生了同样的事 And then the same thing happened in Madrid
谁是这个狗屎地方的经理？！ Who is the manager of this fucking shithole?!
孟加拉也没能幸免… In Bangladesh...
甚至在西藏的群山上 And in the mountains of Tibet
我很抱歉 凯伦 但是… And I'm sorry, Karen, but...
恐怕这些视频都 I'm afraid all of this has become
上了油管的热搜第一了 The most watched videos on YouTube
不是吧 No
托尔金… Tolkien...
你在这儿干吗？ What are you doing here?
我在找东西 好吗？ I'm looking for something, all right?
-找啥？-任何线索 -Looking for what? -Anything
我也不清楚！人们说是我爸爸造成的这一切 I don't know! People are saying that my dad caused all this
说他藏匿起来是因为他知道他有罪 That he's hiding because he knows he's guilty
我知道那并非真相 I know that's not true
这跟住在这里的土豪 What does that have to do with the rich guy
搬家有什么关系？ Who lived here moving away?
住在这里的人没有搬走 他是被杀了 The guy who lived here didn't move away. He was killed.
啥？ What?
我就知道我爸爸不是逃走藏起来了 I know that my dad wouldn't just run and hide!
如果他现在需要我呢？ What if he needs me right now?
托尔金 我想要住在这儿的人成为我的爸爸 Tolkien, I wanted the guy who lived here to be my dad
谁有可能会杀了他？ Who would have killed him?
好啦 我吃完了 Okay, I'm done
好了 把你的盘子放到水槽里 All right, then put your plate in the sink
然后立刻给我上楼去！ And march right on upstairs!
也许下次当你又想去引得大家反目 挑起流水体服务 Maybe the next time you decide to pit streaming services
恶性竞争造成干旱的时候 你能三思一下 Against each other and cause a drought, you'll think twice
禁止你玩耍 阅读 想有趣的事 I want no playing, no reading and no thinking about fun stuff
你被禁足了 You are being grounded
流水体服务比任何商业模式 It's not my fault streaming services paid people more
收益更多又更可持续又不是我的错 Than was sustainable in any business model
巴特斯 Butters
嘘！巴特斯 快停下 Shh! Butters, stop
埃里克！你不能在这儿 我在禁足中呢 Eric! You can't be in here, I'm grounded
我们中计了 巴特斯 We've been set up, Butters
-啥？-整场流量大战！ -What? -The whole streaming wars!
这整件事就是个阴谋！ The whole thing was a lie!
埃里克 那是把真枪吗？ Eric, is that a real gun?
他妈的 当然是把真枪了 巴特斯 听着 Fuck yes, it's a real gun. Butters, listen to me
有人买下了所有的水 Someone bought up all the water
然后做掉了任何阻碍他们的人 And murdered anyone who got in their way
-不是吧… -就是的 巴特斯 -No... -Yes, Butters
某个与科罗拉多水务专员合作的人 Someone worked with the Colorado water commissioner
欺瞒了所有的政府部门 这同一个人 And cheated the system. The same person
还正在利用气候变化赚黑心钱 Who is now using climate change to make a profit!
谁？ Who?
我当时不明白 It didn't make sense to me
为什么我的妈妈如此固执 Why my mom was being so stubborn
为什么她不肯按我说的来做 Why she wouldn't do what I asked
但之后我看到了街对面的托尔金 But then I saw Tolkien across the street
一切疑云都散去了… And I figured it out...
托尔金正在操我的妈妈 Tolkien is fucking my mom
托尔金？！ Tolkien?!
我想让我妈隆对假胸 I wanted my mom to get fake tits
这样她就能嫁给街对面的土豪 So she could marry the rich guy across the street
现在那个土豪死了 而我妈妈的行为又十分可疑 Now that guy is dead and my mom is acting strange
唯一的解释就是她与托尔金有奸情 The only explanation is that she's fucking Tolkien
然后他们想把我蒙在鼓里！ And they don't want me to know!
但是 埃里克 托尔金一直在和我们造船 他… But, Eric, Tolkien was making the boats with us, he...
巴特斯 巴特斯 我的眼睛在这儿 Butters, Butters. My eyes are up here
别盯着我的奶子看了 Stop staring at my tits
噢 对不起 Oh, sorry
现在正有一个恶人逍遥法外 There's a bad guy out there getting away
逃脱了杀人犯应得的制裁 巴特斯 我们必须抓住他 with murder, Butters. And we have to catch him
丹佛的好先生们 Good people of Denver
我们正经历一段艰难的时光 We are living through a horrible time
这场干旱 它…它影响了每一个人 This drought, i-it affect everybody
它影响了我 我的水上乐园 It affect me. My waterpark
但我要提出一个计划 不仅要让我的水上乐园重新开张 But I have a plan to not only reopen my waterpark
还要帮助全科罗拉多州解决供水问题 But also help all of Colorado with their water supply problem
所以 如果你们不介意的话 我想向你们展示一下我的“鸡划” So, if you don't mind, I'd like to show you my deck
-哦 老天 -不 -Oh, Christ. -No
这是一份皮匹流水体服务的 This is the business proposal deck
商业“鸡划”书 For the Pipi streaming service!
-哦… -哦 那没事了 -Oh... -Oh, that's okay
几天之内我将重新开放我的水上乐园 In just a few days I will reopen my waterpark
现在将靠100%的尿运作！ Which will now run on 100% pee!
然后我们可以每天收集一半的尿 And then we can collect half of the pee every day
把它送给丹佛的人们 And send it out to the people of Denver
还有全科罗拉多州以作日常用途 And all over Colorado for their daily use
我很抱歉 皮匹先生 I'm sorry, Mr. Pipi
但我真的不认为我们能够让人们投资 But I really don't think we'll be able to get people to invest
你的流水体服务 In your streaming service
不 不 不 没事的！ No, no, no, it's okay!
因为我请到了为虚拟货币做商业广告的 Because I got the biggest celebrities
最顶流的名人 Who made a commerci for crypto
来为我做商业广告！ To make the commerci for me!
我们正经历着严峻的干旱 We are living in a severe drought
已经别无选择了 There simply isn't a choice anymore
我们得找到水的替代资源 We have to find alternate sources for water
※美国演员 代表作《心灵捕手》《谍影重重》
嗨 我是马特·达蒙 Hi. I'm Matt Damon
你们都听我说过虚拟货币的奇妙之处 You've heard me talk about the wonders of
而现在有一家公司 Cryptocurrency, and now there's a company
能给我们提供那种新资源 Who can give us that new source
皮匹水利 Pipi water
尿几乎可以用来做任何事 Pee can be used for almost anything
我们可以用它灌溉草坪 We can water our lawns with it
我们还可以把尿液用作淋浴用水 We can also use urine for our shower water
※出自马特·达蒙为虚拟货币平台的代言广告
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
而勇敢的人知道 And a brave person knows
用尿煮出来的意大利面也很好吃 That pasta cooked in pee water tastes just fine
稍等一下 Okay, hold on
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
你们知道把尿液冻起来可以做成美味的小冰棍吗？ Did you know frozen pee can make for a delicious summer treat?
没事的 Okay
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
尿其实和不可思议汉堡 And pee water actually pairs really well
可以搭配出无与伦比的味道 With an Impossible Burger
财路… Fortune...
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
财路相逢勇—— Fortune favors the br--
马特·达蒙都来了！
你尿来吗？
来尿吧！ Go pee!
尽在皮匹+ With Pipi+
…为了水 ...for water
-嗨 我是马特·达蒙 -爸爸？ -Hi. I'm Matt Damon. -Dad?
你们都听我说过虚拟货币的奇妙之处 You've heard me talk about the wonders of cryptocurrency
而现在有一家公司能给我们提供那种新资源 And now there's a company who can give us that new source
皮匹水利 Pipi water
你还好吗？ You okay?
尿几乎可以用来做任何事 Pee can be used for almost anything
我变成什么样了 斯坦？ What have I become, Stan?
我们可以用它灌溉草坪 We can water our lawns with it
我怎么袖手旁观世界堕落成这样？ How did I just sit by and let the world sink to this?
我们还可以把尿液用作淋浴用水 We can also use urine for our shower water
我曾经是个科学家 你还记得吗？ I used to be a scientist. Do you remember that?
※分别指S01E03和S09E08的剧情
我警告过小镇火山爆发的事 I was the one who warned the town about a volcano
警告过他们后天灾变的事 I warned them about the day after tomorrow
然后…我眼里只看得见大麻了 And then... it all become about weed
那是什么时候的事 斯坦？ When did that happen, Stan?
我想我们都变得贪婪了 爸爸 I guess we all just got greedy, Dad
我曾想成为一名科学家 I wanted to be a scientist because
因为科学家是解决问题的人 Scientists solve problems
你知道我之前是哪方面的地质学家吗 斯坦？ Do you even know what kind of geologist I was, Stan?
不知道 No
我之前的专业是“河流地貌学” I was a "fluvial geomorphologist."
我研究溪流和江河的变化 Someone who studies the changes in streams and rivers
可当这个小镇最需要我的时候… And when the town needed me most...
我只会在外面发牢骚 因为我当时只关心 I was just out bitching because all I cared about
吸麻和赚钱 Was getting high and rich
我甚至记不起以前的我了 I can't even remember the old me
* 我曾认识一个男孩 * * There was a boy I used to know *
* 胸怀大志 心怀大义 * * With dreams as big as the fire in his heart *
※电视中为S01E03的画面
* 他成长为一个心地善良的男人 * * He grew to be a man of such good will *
* 永远耐心 * * Always so patient *
* 永远机敏 * * Always so smart *
* 他拥有那么多却全部抛弃 * * He had so much but he threw it away *
* 在某个地方他从正轨偏离 * * Somewhere along he got off track *
* 而如今他想变好 * * But today he's making the change for good *
* 现在那个男人回来了 * * And now that man is coming back *
* 哦 我们好想你 兰迪 * * Oh, we missed you, Randy *
* 之前你在何地？ * * Where have you been? *
* 上次和老朋友见面 * * It seems such a long time *
* 感觉在好久之前 * * Since we've seen our old friend *
* 我们需要你 兰迪 * * Everyone needs you, Randy *
* 之前你在何地？ * * Where did you go? *
* 就像你成为了一个单调的过渡 * * It's like you just became a one-note *
* 夹在节目的高潮部分之中 * * Overwrought part of the show *
* 我来试着做对的事 * * Here I am trying to make it right *
* 我要夺回我的人生和我的宝贝共度夜晚 * * Gonna take my life back with my baby tonight *
* 哦 我们好想你 兰迪 我们好想你 兰迪 * * Oh, we missed you, Randy, we missed you, Randy *
* 之前你在何地？ * * Where have you been? *
* 我就像一个傻瓜 * * I've been acting like a fool *
* 上次和你见面 我的老朋友 * * It seems such a long time *
* 感觉在好久之前 * * Since we've seen you, old friend *
* 我们都在等待这一天的来临 * * We've all been waiting for this day to come *
* 你做的事让我们都非常欣喜 * * We're all so happy about the things you've done *
* 因为你要重新成为兰迪 * * 'Cause you're going back to Randy *
* 我要重新成为兰迪 * * I'm going back to Randy *
* 我们好想你 兰迪 * * We missed you, Randy *
* 我好想自己 兰迪 * * I missed me, Randy *
* 现在你回来了真好 * * It's so good to have you back now *
-* 我们亲爱的朋友 * -* 我们好想你 兰迪 * -* Our dear friend * -* We missed you, Randy *
* 我们亲爱的朋友 兰迪 * * Our dear friend, Randy *
-* 我是兰迪 * -* 兰迪 * -* I'm Randy * -* Randy *
-* 兰迪 兰迪 * -* 我是兰迪 * -* Randy, Randy * -* I'm Randy. *
好了 我看见他了 All right, I've got eyes on him
看起来他在地下室卫生间里 Looks like he's in the basement bathroom
我甚至都不知道托尔金有一个地下室卫生间 I didn't even know Tolkien had a basement bathroom
是啊 我也不知道 狡猾的混蛋 Yeah, neither did I. Sneaky bastard
看起来他在找什么东西 Seems like he's looking for something
哦 不对 他转身了 Oh, nope, he's turning back around
他在脱裤子 He's pulling down his pants
哦 我觉得他要拉屎了 Oh, I think he's gonna take a shit
记下“8点35分 开始拉屎” Markdown "8:35, started taking shit."
你们他妈在干嘛？ What the fuck are you doing?
哦 操 走走走 Oh, shit. Go, go, go
喂？！你在哪…埃里克 我能看见你！ Hello?! Where are-- Eric, I can see you!
他不可能看见我们的 There's no way he can see us
保持不动 Just stay still
我他妈看见你在树后面了！ I see you behind the fucking tree!
你再向前走一步 我就朝巴特斯开枪 Don't come another step closer or I shoot Butters
什么？！ What?!
出来 走 走！ Let's go. Move. Move!
你想告诉我发生什么事了吗 托尔金？ Do you wanna tell me what's going on, Tolkien?
-我不知道你在说什么！ -当然！ -I have no idea! -Sure!
我们都应该相信流水体服务的事 We're all supposed to believe that streaming services
全是我们的错 Were all our fault
我还记得学校里的那天 托尔金 I remember that day at school, Tolkien
是你说我应该做那些小船的 You were the one who said I should build the boats
那是因为我可怜你！ Because I felt bad for you!
你是在可怜我？ You felt bad for me?
还是你想让干旱…巴特斯 Or maybe is it that you wanted the drought to-- Butters
你能不要盯着我的奶子看了吗 Will you please stop staring at my tits
对不起 I'm sorry
我们一直在做研究 托尔金 We've been doing research, Tolkien
有人操纵了政府 Somebody manipulated the system
所有的水权 水法 All the water rights, water laws
有一条很大的腐败链 There's a big chain of corruption
整件事就像你操完我妈妈后的 And the whole thing stinks like your wiener
那根小鸡鸡一样臭 After fucking my mom
埃里克 我发誓 我完全不知道你在说什么 Eric, I swear, I have no clue what you're talking about
那你好好看看这个 Then read it
看看没有一个流水体服务能长期维持 Read about how none of the streaming services had any
但人们还是为它们花了成千上万美元 Chance of lasting but paid out thousands of dollars anyway
看看科罗拉多州水务专员 Read about how the water commissioner of Colorado
其实从始至终都知道这件事！ Knew about it the entire time!
埃里克 你从哪里得到这个的？ Eric, where did you get this?
托尔金 我的眼睛在这上面 Tolkien, my eyes are up here
请你不要再盯着我的奶子了 Please stop staring at my titties
我就他妈盯着你的眼睛呢 I am staring you dead in the eye
你从哪里得到这个的？ Where did you get this?
※美国演员 代表作《莎翁情史》《钢铁侠》
嗨 我是格温妮丝·帕特洛 Hi. I'm Gwyneth Paltrow
我了解到全世界的女性都热衷于投资虚拟货币 I got women everywhere excited about investing in crypto
但现在有一个更加好的投资选择 And now there's something even better to invest in
呃...呃...呃... Uh... uh... um...
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave. Fortune favors the brave
格温妮丝·帕特洛也来了！
你尿来吗？
去尿吧！ Go pee!
尽在皮匹＋ With Pipi+
科罗拉多同胞们 My fellow Coloradoans
今天我们将终结 Today we will try to put an end
这场肆虐全州的干旱 To the drought that has crippled our state
我很荣幸宣布丹佛市 It's my pleasure to announce that the city of Denver
将大量投资于皮匹流水体服务 Will be investing heavily in the Pipi streaming service
并且我们鼓励你们所有人都“来尿吧！” And we encourage you all to "Go pee."
噢 谢谢你们！谢谢 丹佛！ Oh, thank you! Thank you, Denver!
很荣幸能为你们提供我尽可能多的尿 It is a my honor to give you all of the pee that I can
所以 就在今天 我们将会 And so, as of today, we are all going
-居住在一个... -等等！ -to live in... -Wait!
等下！ Hold on!
-那是谁？ -不好意思！ -Who is that? -Excuse me!
拜托了 我得到前面去 Please, I have to get to the front!
抱歉 抱歉 各位 拜托了 I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone, please
拜托了 我要发布一个声明 Please, I have an announcement
各位 我是兰迪·马什博士 Everyone, my name is Dr. Randy Marsh
并且我是… And I am...
一个科学家！ A scientist!
我们的纯净水源受到的来自流量大战的破坏 The damage that has been done to our fresh water
是无法逆转的 没错 Due to the streaming wars is irreversible, yes
但我已经想到一个计划 But I believe I have a plan
如果你们不介意的话 And if you don't mind
我很乐意向你们每一个人展示我的“鸡划” I'd like to show my deck to each and every one of you
掏出来吧 哥们！ Whip it out, bro!
解决办法... The answer...
就是一座海水淡化厂 Is an ocean water desalinization plant
当你们听闻我们国家面临的干旱时 When all of you hear about droughts in our country
难道你们从来就没有想过 “等等 地球上75%都是水 Don't you ever think, "Wait, the Earth is 75% water
什么鬼？我们怎么可能没有足够的水 对吧？” What the fuck? How can we not have enough water, right?"
唯一阻止我们 The only thing stopping us from not
使用海水作为我们的日常用水的就是盐 Being able to use seawater for our daily use is the salt
我的计划就是用管道将水 I have a plan to pipe the water
从海里运输到大分水岭 From the oceans up to the Continental Divide
在那里 我们将盐和纯净水分开 From there, we separate the salt from the water
永无止境地为全国提供纯净水 Giving our entire country enough clean water forever
然后我们再把盐运到最需要的阿比三明治和肯德基里去 And we ship the salt off to Arby's and KFC where it belongs
马什博士 我们将全力资助你的一切需要 Dr. Marsh, you have all the funding you need
兰迪·马什的“鸡划”更好！ Randy Marsh has the better deck!
* 她只有十七岁... * * She's only 17... *
从我记事起 Ever since I can remember
我就开始追求两件事 I've wanted two things
一是我自己的水上乐园 二是只需要订购 My own waterpark and to only have to pay
独一家流水体服务 而我不知道的是... For one streaming service. And what I didn't know...
我自己的员工 Was that my own employees
竟然想要搞我！ Would try to fuck me!
并且他妈想毁掉我的人生！ And fucking ruin my life!
那个提出淡化厂的家伙是谁？！ Who is this guy talking about a desalinization plant?!
我们怎么会漏掉他的？！ How did we miss him?!
他就是个什么科学家 他 他不知道从哪里冒出来的 He's just some scientist, h-he came out of nowhere
我让你去处理好任何一个可能会挡我的路的人！ I asked you to take care of anybody who might get in my way!
我只想当一个救生员 I just wanna be a lifeguard
“我只想当一个救生员” "I just wanna be a lifeguard."
你他妈就是只想搞皮匹 You just wanna fuck Pipi!
你们全是一群臭气熏天的脱粪巨婴 You're all a bunch of stinky poopy babies!
你们所有人！你个小婊子！ All of you! You little pussy bitches!
噢 你不喜欢这样 啊？ Oh, you don't like that, huh?
我跟你说过 我说了要你去杀掉 I told you, I told you kill anyone
山里面每一个可能会成为麻烦的人 In the mountains who could be a problem!
你个小人熊婊 你就是个婊！ You a little ManBear-bitch, that's what you are!
你想找皮匹麻烦 啊？ You wanna fuck with Pipi, huh?
别忘了我有着你的把柄 Don't forget what I have on you
坐下 人熊婊！ Sit down, ManBearBitchy!
我要这座淡化厂消失 I want that desalinization plant gone
并且这个科学家必须死！ And I want the scientist dead!
只能存在唯一一个流水体服务！ There can only be one streaming service
那就是皮匹＋！ And it's going to be Pipi+!
那是周四晚上的八点十五分 It was 8:15 on Thursday night
人们满怀欣喜地期待着 The people were all excited about the possibility
一座新的海水淡化厂所带来的可能性 Of a new desalinization plant
但我总感觉如鲠在喉 But I had a lingering uneasiness in my gut
就在那时 一对我人生中见过最大的胸 And then, just like that, in walked the nicest pair
敲开了门 Of knockers I'd ever seen in my life
警长 我们需要和你谈谈 Detective, we need to talk to you
啊 操 怎么又是你们 Aw, fuck, not you again
滚出这 小鬼 我是不会逮捕你妈的 Get out of here kid, I'm not going to arrest your mom
我说完之后你可能就不会这么想了 You might think differently when you hear what we have to say
-说吧 托尔金 -警官 -Go ahead, Tolkien. -Sir
我们认为杀了罗伯特·卡斯勒的人 We think the person who killed Robert Cussler
实际上在下一盘大棋：人为制造干旱 Actually had a bigger plan: to make the drought happen
杀了罗伯特·卡斯勒的人就是你父亲 Your father killed Robert Cussler
是什么让你觉得他有更大的计划 And what makes you think he had a bigger plan?
等等 他有跟你说他的商业策略吗？ Wait a minute. Did he tell you his business plan?
他有给你看他的“鸡划”吗？ Did he show you his deck?!
没 No
我的拉里舅舅有次给我看过他的鸡巴 My uncle Larry showed me his dick once
我爸爸不会杀任何人 My dad isn't capable of killing anyone
好吧 我承认你爸不会杀人 Well, I'm sure that's true
但也这就是为什么你爸让人熊猪替他杀人 And that's why your father had ManBearPig do it for him
是这样的 你父亲通过人熊猪来消灭 You see, your dad used ManBearPig to get rid
流量大战的竞争者 Of the competition in the streaming wars
巴特斯 别 Butters, please
并且人熊猪对托尔金的父亲言听计从 And ManBearPig will just go right on doing
因为他很害怕 Whatever Tolkien's father says because he's afraid
人熊猪会害怕？害怕什么？ ManBearPig is afraid? Of what?
害怕...它妻儿的安全 Afraid for the safety... of its wife and child
没多少人知道猪熊女和喳喳的存在 Not many people know about PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck
但你的父亲一定威胁了人熊猪 让它必须听话 But your father must have threatened ManBearPig
否则就告诉所有人他们的存在 That he would tell people they exist
如果大家知道气候变化有孩子的话 And if everyone knew that climate change had a child
他们不会放过它 They'd go after it
好吧 随便了 但是你也没有证据 Okay, whatever, but you have no proof
能证明是我爸爸做了这一切 That it was my dad who did anything
我没有吗？ Don't I?
我恰巧知道一件事就是 I happen to know for a fact that while the rest
当全州其他人都在饱受折磨之时 Of the state is suffering
你父亲却在逍遥快活 Your dad has been out living it up
监控摄像头拍到了 Surveillance camera caught him enjoying
他在水上乐园玩的照片 His time at a waterpark
水上乐园！ The waterpark
※美国导演 《宋飞正传》编剧
大家好 我是拉里·大卫 Hello, I'm Larry David
我当初拍摄在超级碗上播放的虚拟货币广告时 When I made my Superbowl commercial for crypto
我甚至压根不知道那是什么！ I didn't even really know what it was!
但是多亏了我赚到的钱 我现在可以每天 But thanks to the money I made, I now can enjoy
畅饮我最爱的饮料了！ My favorite beverage every day!
拉里·大卫也来了！
你尿来吗？
来尿吧！ Go pee!
尽在皮匹+ With Pipi+
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农夫果园中文维基（UID：6953244）
本字幕仅供学习交流 禁止用于商业盈利
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农夫果园中文维基（UID：6953244）
本字幕仅供学习交流 禁止用于商业盈利
有人吗？ Hello?
我他妈这是在哪？ Where the fuck am I?
有人吗？！ Hello?!
呃 我不知道 但这必须要解决掉 明白？ Well, I don't know, but it needs to be a-fixed, okay?
也许我们是遇到了某种入侵者 呃 Maybe we have some kind of intruder, huh
在搞破坏 你懂的！ That's doing the sabotage, you know!
我们到处都找遍了 先生 We looked everywhere, sir
什么都没有找到 We didn't find anything
那么 就再认真点找啊 你们这些蠢蛋！ Well, look harder, you stupid fuck!
肯定是有什么东西在捣鬼！ Something going on down here!
你是谁？是你给我包扎的吗？ Who are you? Did you bandage me up?
喳喳！ Chuck Chuck!
快点啊！排气阀那边 Come on! Something's happened
又出问题了！ To the outtake valves again!
不错 做的不错 大伙们 Okay, that's great, guys
记着把管子放在那边的下坡上啊 Keep the pipe on the downward slope
-一切都还好吗？ -噢 谢谢 宝贝 -How's it all going? -Oh, thanks, honey
一切都不错 而且进度很快 It's good. Fast
我想我们可以在一周内让它正常运转起来 I think we can have this thing up and running
-去进行试验 -太惊人了 -for tests in a week. -That's amazing
你也不赖嘛 宝贝 You're not so bad yourself, babe
噢 还有 莎伦？ Oh, and hey, Sharon?
我对我之前那些“大麻的事”感到抱歉 Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
没事的 兰迪 It's okay, Randy
好了 尼尔森 我已经更新好了设备 All right, Nelson, I've updated the engineering
我已经计算好了海拔 I've accounted for the elevation
但仍有些搞不懂这些管道 But I still can't figure out the pipeline
现在的问题是我们没有足够的压力 The problem is actually getting enough pressure
把海水从这里输送到淡化厂 To get the saltwater up here to the plant
这看起来几乎不可能啊 It almost seems impossible
我不知道怎样才能在不消耗 I don't know how you get saltwater
巨大的能量的前提下把海水弄上来 Up here without a tremendous amount of energy
确实 我们还是继续找解决办法吧 Yeah, well, let's just keep working
一定能找到答案的 There has to be an answer
科学向来能找到答案 Science always has an answer
兰迪 很高兴你回到 Randy, it's good to have you back
美国地质调查局 At the U.S. Geological Survey
谢了 尼尔森 Thanks, Nelson
哦对了 嘿 尼尔森？ Oh, and hey, Nelson?
我对于我之前“大麻的事”感到抱歉 Sorry about the whole "weed thing."
没事的 兰迪 That's okay, Randy
※日本混血网球运动员 首位大满贯女单冠军
嗨 我是大坂直美 Hi, my name is Naomi Osaka
我喜欢虚拟货币就像 And I enjoy crypto just like I enjoy
喜欢有人往我的有机蔬菜里撒尿一样 Fresh piss on my organic greens
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
-财路相逢勇者胜 -财路相逢勇者胜 -Fortune favors the brave. -Fortune favors the brave
财路相逢勇者胜 Fortune favors the brave
大坂直美也来了！
你尿来吗？
来尿吧！ Go pee!
尽在皮匹+ With Pipi+
* 她是夏日女郎 * * She's a summertime girl *
欢迎来到皮匹水上乐园 Welcome to Pipi's Waterpark!
这里的惊险刺激由100%的尿液组成 Where the thrills and fun are all 100% urine
我们希望你能玩的尽兴 如果你有使用洗手间的需求 We hope you have a magical day and if you need to
只需要尿在我们的泳池里就好 Use the restroom, just let it go in one of our many pools
你的尿液将被收集起来作为 Your pee will be collected and harvested
丹佛的水源 来尿吧 科罗拉多 For Denver's water supply. Go pee, Colorado
*她将带你…* * She'll take you... *
天啊 天啊 多么适合游泳的一天！ Boy, oh boy, what a great day for a swim!
等不及要跳进清爽的泳池了！ Can't wait to hit that fresh pool!
黑鹰 这里是棕眼 我已经就位了 Blackhawk, this is Browneye. I am in position
收到 巴特斯 你找到我们要找的滑道了吗？ Copy, Butters. Do you see the slide we're looking for?
没找到 黑鹰 这里啥都没有 That's a negative, Blackhawk. Got nothin' here
漏斗蛋糕那边怎么样 埃里克？ What about over by the funnel cakes, Eric?
*她是夏日女郎…* * She's a summertime girl... *
我没有看到和图片上的那个 I don't see the slide that matches
相匹配的滑道 托尔金 The one in the picture, Tolkien
恐怕这是死路一条了 大伙们 I'm afraid this could be a dead end, guys
-等等 我的天啊 -怎么了？ -Wait. Oh, my God. -What?
这里有个人一直盯着我的奶子看 There's a guy here who's just totally staring at my tits
嘿 你有事吗 老哥？我的眼睛在这里呢 Hey, do you mind, sir? My eyes are up here
埃里克 我们应该尽量不引人注… Eric, we're trying not to draw attention to oursel...
别看着我的奶子了！对 说的就是你！ Stop looking at my tits! Yes, you are!
埃里克 你有… Eric, do you...
这些人全他妈在盯着我的奶子看！ These people are all staring at my fucking tits!
一群变态！ They're such perverts!
孩子 我们只是有些震惊 Little boy, we're just a bit shocked to see that
是啊 因为你对A要不起 贱人！ Yeah, 'cause you're on the itty bitty titty committee, bitch!
专注于他妈的计划就好 埃里克！ Just focus on the fucking plan, Eric!
嘿 伙计们 我好像找到了！ Hey, fellas, I think I got it!
我找到照片中那个滑梯了！ I found the slide where the photo was taken!
在它旁边还有个类似地堡的入口！ And there's some kind of bunker entrance right next to it
打扰了 女士 很抱歉但是 Hello, ma'am. I'm sorry
我得跟你谈谈你丈夫的事 But I need to speak with you about your husband
-他死掉了吗？ -还没 -Is he dead? -Not yet
但是我找到他后他就要去死了 我可以进来吗？ But he will be as soon as I can find him. Can I come in?
你的丈夫是一个非常危险的人 Your husband is a very dangerous man
我们目前认为是他导致了整个大干旱的发生 We now believe that he caused the whole drought to happen
-你不介意吧？ -我介意 -Do you mind? -Yes
不错 Great
很明显 你的丈夫有着 Now, obviously, your husband had some kind
更大的商业计划 Of bigger business plan
他也许在什么地方放着所有的策略 He might have it all explained somewhere
你的丈夫有“鸡划”吗 Does your husband have a deck?
我的丈夫当然有鸡巴啊 Of course my husband has a dick
好的 如果你不介意的话我想看看他的 Well, I'd like to see it, if that's okay with you
我要怎么在不知道他人在哪的情况下 How am I supposed to show you when I don't even know
-给你看这个呢？ -行吧 如果你拒不配合 -where he is? -All right. If you want to
我们的工作 那也可以 夫人 Be difficult, ma'am, that's fine
但我知道你和你儿子都是 But you know where your husband is
知道你丈夫在哪的 And so does your little boy
我相信你们都见过他的“鸡划” I'm sure that you've both seen his deck
而且我相信它特别巨大 And I'm sure it's pretty massive
警官 我的丈夫是个好男人 Detective, my husband is a good man
我相信他曾经如此 Well, I'm sure he was at one point
然后他开始做起了流水体服务 But then he started a streaming service
并变成了如今的怪物 And became the monster that he is today
行吧 我想我现在得请你离开了 Okay, well, I think you should leave now
好吧 All right, fine
但你要知道 等我找到你丈夫… But just so you know, when I find your husband--
我一定会找到他…然后立马射杀他 And I will find him-- I'm gonna shoot him
然后再去确认他的“鸡划” And then I'll check out his deck later
这肯定是为皮匹的流水体服务 This must be where all the pee
收集尿液的地方 Is collected for Pipi's streaming service
真的是好多尿呀！ Sure is a lot of pee!
这里也太大了 他们一定是 This place is massive. They had to have
在这里修了好多年了！ Been working on this place for years!
确实 看起来有人已经 Yeah, looks like someone has been planning
计划操我妈很久了！ On fucking my mom for a long time!
大家散开 看看能找到些什么 Everyone spread out and see what you can find
我们到底在找什么呀？ What exactly are we looking for?
文件 合同 避孕套 找你能找到的一切 Documents, contracts, condoms, whatever you can find
记得拍下任何不寻常的东西 Get a picture of anything unusual
人们会很想知道这一切的发生 People would be very interested to see
已经被人谋划了多久了 How far along this all is
嘿 地板上有些棕色的小块巧克力诶 Hey, there's some little brown chocolates on the floor
喳喳！ Chunk!
哇啊！ Whoa!
没事的 没事的 我们不会伤害你的 It's okay. It's okay. We're not gonna hurt you
喳喳？ Chuck Chuck?
这他妈是啥？ The fuck is that?
你在这里干什么？ What are you doing down here?
是迷路了吗？ Are you lost?
喳喳 喳喳 Chuck Chuck
大伙们 说真的 这他妈是啥？ You guys, seriously, the fuck is that?
他长得好像一只小熊猪… It's like a little bear pig...
他们不知道你在这下面 是吧？ They don't know you're down here, do they?
喳喳 喳喳 Chuck Chuck
嘿 站住别动！ Hey, stop right there!
耶！我们做到了 做到了！ Yeah, we did it! We did it!
告诉老大我们抓住他们了！ Tell the boss we caught 'em!
我们终于抓住一直在破坏 We finally caught the little buggers
这里的设备的小混蛋了！ That've been messing with the equipment down here
※美国演员 代表作《律政俏佳人》《与歌同行》
我是瑞茜·威瑟斯彭 I'm Reese Witherspoon
我认为虚拟货币很不错 I think crypto is a great idea
但是现在还有一个更好的投资项目 But there's one investment that's even smarter
这就是为什么我们家在玩节日派对游戏的时候 That's why when my family is enjoying festive party games
在尿里玩 We do it in pee
瑞茜·威瑟斯彭也来了！
你尿来吗？
来尿吧！ Go pee!
尽在皮匹+﻿ With Pipi+
哦 ﻿嘿 ﻿亲爱的 Oh, hey, honey
-﻿有进展吗？﻿ ﻿-﻿没有 -Any luck? -No
工厂快竣工了但是我还是没解决 The plant is almost ready to go and I still can't figure out
怎么样让海水流进去的问题 How to get the saltwater to it
仰角实在是太大了 The elevations are just too extreme
嘿 ﻿孩子们现在怎样？ Hey, what are the kids doing?
嗯 ﻿他们还在屋里闲着 Mm, they're just in their rooms, hanging out
-﻿是吗？ ﻿-﻿ 是的﻿ -Yeah? -Yeah
那我们带他们出去逛逛怎么样？﻿ How about we round them up and go take a nice walk or something
你确定？﻿ You sure?
当然 ﻿我需要休息 ﻿孩子们也需要父亲 ﻿来吧 Yeah, I need a break and they need a dad. Come on
哦 ﻿等一下 ﻿尼尔森来电话了 Oh, hang on a second, it's Nelson
嘿 ﻿尼尔森 ﻿工程现在怎么样了？﻿ Hey, Nelson! How's it going up there?
兰迪！﻿兰迪！﻿ Randy! Randy!
工厂﻿！﻿ The plant!
工厂全被毁了！﻿ It's all wrecked!
你说什么？﻿ What are you talking about?
是气候变化干的好事 兰迪！﻿ It was climate change, Randy!
他把水流给切断了 It ripped apart the watershed and took
还在海水转化槽里拉了一大泡屎！ A huge shit in the conversion tanks!
不 No
他二话不说就开始伤人了 It just started tearing through people
但是 ﻿兰迪 ﻿我觉得他是在找什么 But, Randy, it seemed like it was looking for something
我怕他找的是你 I'm scared it might have been looking for you
兰迪 ﻿发生什么了？﻿ Randy, what's going on?
爸 ﻿怎么了？﻿ What's going on, Dad?
带孩子们去地下室 ﻿把门锁上 Take the kids to the basement and lock the door
兰迪 ﻿我们要干什… Randy, what are we...
干就完了 ﻿亲爱的 ﻿求你了！ Just do it, baby, please!
兰迪 ﻿我不会伤害你的 Randy, I'm not gonna hurt you
你他妈的在这干什么？！ What the fuck are you doing here?!
我需要你的帮助 ﻿兰迪 ﻿我没法去找警察 I need your help, Randy. I can't go to the police
废话你当然去不了 ﻿因为你他妈的是个杀人犯！﻿ Yeah, no shit, 'cause you're a murderer!
我没有杀人！﻿ I didn't kill anyone!
听着 ﻿我知道我们分歧很严重 Look, I know we've had our differences
但是这次你一定得信我 But I need you to trust me right now
我已经不关心纯信大麻的生意如何了 I don't care about Credigree Weed anymore
我只想结束这场干旱 I just want to fix the drought
你什么都改变不了 You're not going to fix it because
因为皮匹控制了一切！﻿ Pipi controls everything!
皮匹？﻿ Pipi?
他让水务专员忽悠了我们 He used the water commissioner to get us
去办流水体服务互相对立 To start our streaming war against each other
不 No
他利用了我们 ﻿兰迪 He used us, Randy
皮匹想要杀我 ﻿但是有个小河狸一样的东西救了我 Pipi tried to have me killed but some little beaver thing saved me.
求求你了 Please
我老婆说托尔金和他的朋友 My wife said Tolkien and his friends
已经去水上乐园找我了 Went to look for me at the waterpark
纯信和节草这次必须得齐心协力 Credigree and Tegridy have to work together
节草把我控制的太深了 Tegridy took over my life
让我性格大变 And completely ruined my character
你还不明白吗？﻿ Don't you get it?
我们什么都改变不了 We aren't the ones who are ever gonna help anything
我们只会让事情变得更糟 We're the ones who make everything worse
没用的 ﻿我们根本没法逃出生天 It's no use, we can't hack through the bars
嘿 ﻿你过来 Hey. Hey there
喳喳 ﻿喳喳 Chuck Chuck
嗨 Hey
你是来这里找你爸爸的吗？﻿ Are you down here looking for your dad?
我也在找我的爸爸 I'm looking for my dad, too
天啊 ﻿这太肉麻了 Oh, God, that's so cheesy
你不用害怕我们 You don't have to be afraid of people
我告诉你为什么 I can tell you why
喳喳 喳喳 Chuck Chuck
好 ﻿好 ﻿托尔金 Yes. Good, Tolkien
我看你和他的交流已经走出第一步了呢 I think you're starting to reason with it
所以说！﻿ So!
你们就是那些个小“捣蛋鬼﻿”﻿ You're the little "sabotagis"
还毁了我好多东西 ﻿哈？﻿ That's been messing with my stuff, huh?
哦不 ﻿我们其实刚刚才到这 ﻿先生 Uh, no, we actually just got here recently, sir
-﻿我的爸爸在哪？﻿ ﻿-﻿ 你的爸爸？﻿ -Where is my dad? -Your dad?
哦… Oh...
你们就是那些做小船的小屁孩是吧 You the boys that make-a the little boats-a. No?
哦 ﻿你们可帮了皮匹大忙了！﻿ Oh, you help Pipi so much!
你们肯定赚的盆满钵满的 ﻿对吧？﻿ You probably made a lot of money, huh?
我们根本不知道我们究竟做了什么 We didn't know what we were doing
是吗 ﻿谁知道呢？﻿ Yeah, well, who does, huh?
这就是美国的生意场 That's doing business in America
你们初来乍到 You just get in
把水搅浑 ﻿给人付你自己都没有的钱 Fuck everything up, pay people money you don't have
还想要让生意蒸蒸日上是吗？﻿ And try to get a big market evaluation, yes?
所以你加速了气候变暖 So you sped up climate change
还把我妈给操了是吗？﻿ And then you fucked my mom, is that it?
啥玩意？﻿ Scusi?
不是啦 ﻿他只是 No, see, what he did was
给别人付了过多的钱 He paid people too much money
同时还让干事的人得不到好处 While actually devaluing the artists
让流水体服务控制内容 Creating a streaming business that was driving content
而不是让内容充实服务 Instead of content driving the business
所以现在他有了个大公司 但产出的全都是尿 So now he's got a huge company but all he's delivering is piss
现在我就要拥有唯一的流水体服务 And now I'm about to have the only streaming service
世上独此一家 In the world
你看 ﻿我请来这些明星 You see, I have all the celebrities here
所有人都会在这个大广告中一起出镜 Everybody to be in one big final commerci together!
等这个广告面世 And when that commerci goes out
所有人都要投资皮匹 Everybody gonna want to invest in Pipi
而你们这些小屁孩…你们可能会 And you boys, well... I'm afraid you might meet up
遇到一些小意外 With a little accidente, eh?
尿会冲下来 The pee-pee gonna come down and,
把你们这些小屁孩冲到下水道里 It gonna wash you boys away down a drain-ee
快点！﻿我们还得拍广告去！ Come on! We gotta make-a the commerci!
对不起 ﻿大伙 ﻿我被耍了 I'm sorry, guys. I got played
我们都被耍了 ﻿爸爸 We all got played, Dad
全州都被耍了 The whole state
我一开始真的认为我能改变什么 I really thought I could make a difference this time
好吧 ﻿你改变不了 ﻿兰迪 Well, you can't, Randy
但是有一个人可以改变 But there is someone who can
那个人能闯进水上乐园 Somebody who can go down to that waterpark
然后命令所有人都听他的 And demand to be heard
爸爸 ﻿我们需要让凯伦回来 We need Karen back, Dad
什么？﻿ What?
不！﻿不！﻿ No. No!
爸爸 ﻿你必须这么做 You have to, Dad
只有凯伦能闯过安保 Karen is the only one that can get past security
并且坚持要求见经理 And insist to see the management
我心里的凯伦已经死了 好吗？﻿ Karen is gone. Okay?
我已经不是原来的我了 I'm never going back
那么皮匹就赢了 Then Pipi does win
我们余生都用不上干净的水 And we all go without fresh water for the rest of our lives
加油 ﻿凯伦 ﻿求求你了 ﻿我的朋友都被关在地下 Come on, Karen, please. My friends are down there
不是这么回事 It doesn't work like that
我又不是一晚上就变成凯伦的 I didn't just become Karen overnight
首先我得吸大麻 First I smoked weed
我得吸很多很多的大麻 Then I smoked too much weed
之后我得有自己名下的一个大麻农场 Then I started a weed farm and then I got entitled
然后尽自己所能保住这个农场 And did everything I could to protect it!
但是大麻已经没了 But the weed is all gone now
也不是全部都没了 Not all of it
感恩节特售大﻿麻？你留了一罐？﻿﻿ The Thanksgiving Day Special? You saved this?
这 这都是差不多三年前的东西了 I-I made this, like, three years ago
我觉得这是你做过最好的节日特售大麻 Yeah. I think it's the best special you ever made
※此处模仿了《蜘蛛侠：英雄无归》中奇异博士的台词
如果我又开始吸大麻…我会忘记你们所有人 If I smoke this... I won't remember any of you
就好像过去几天从未发生过一样 It will be like none of the past few days ever happened
我们需要水 凯伦 We have to have water, Karen
※此处模仿了《蜘蛛侠：英雄无归》中奇异博士的施法动作
他在搞什么鬼？ What the hell is he doing?
他看起来像个傻子 He looks ridiculous
就 就让他做吧 孩子们 Just-just let him do it, kids
*我们想你了 凯伦* * We missed you, Karen *
*你去哪里了？* * Where have you been? *
有人想搞老子的节草！ Someone's been fucking with my Tegridy!
-耶！-耶 爸爸！ -Yeah! -Yeah, Dad!
谢谢！ Thank you!
谢谢你们 感谢你们到这里来 Thank you, everyone, for coming
参与我新广告的拍摄 To be a part of filming my new commerci
这将会是我们做过的最好的广告！ This is gonna be the best commerci we ever make-a!
好了 现在大家都做出玩得很开心的样子！ Okay, now everyone look like you're having fun!
后景动作开拍！然后开拍 马特·达蒙！ Background action! And action, Matt Damon-a!
嘿 我叫马特·达蒙 Hi. I'm Matt Damon
我和我所有的好莱坞朋友们都有点小秘密想要分享 Me and all my Hollywood friends have a little secret to share
我们喜欢呆在尿里面 We love being in pee
你尿来吗？ Are you in?
好的 很好 很好 Okay, that's good, that's good
现在你们都在尿里玩一会 Now you all play in the pee a little bit
你们开怀大笑 你们纵情享乐 You laughing, you having fun
你们把尿挥洒到对方的身上 You splash-a the pee on each other
很好 很好 你们喜欢尿 Good, good. You love the pee
现在 我想想 马特·达蒙 你把尿洒到 Now maybe, Matt Damon, you splash pee
瑞茜·威瑟斯彭身上 On Reesie Witherspoon
然后 瑞茜 这尿会让你感到 And then, Reesie, the pee-- the pee make you
如此喜悦 让你 让你潸然泪下 So happy that-that you cry
我还得哭？ I cry?
当然 瑞茜 你乐在尿中 从而喜极而泣 Yes, Reesie, you so happy in the pee, it make you cry
当你痛哭时…你尿流满面 And when you cry... you cry the pee
我做不到哭出尿来 I can't cry pee
哦 得了吧 瑞茜 Oh, come on, Reesie
你都给虚拟货币当过婊子了 You slut yourself out for crypto
现在你好好当皮匹的婊子 Now just be a slut for Pipi
继续 哭 瑞茜 你们这群软骨头 Go on, cry, Reesie. You're all a bunch of sellouts
为了广告哭吧 来吧 哭 Cry for the commerci. Come on, cry
我很抱歉各位 水上乐园关门了 I'm sorry, folks, the waterpark is closed
现在里面正在拍广告 For a commercial shoot
一旦我们恢复营业我们就会立刻通知你们 We'll let you know as soon as we get things back open again
是凯伦！ It's Karen!
我要进你们的水上乐园 马上！ I want in your waterpark right now!
公园关闭了 他们正在拍广告 The park's closed, they're filming a commercial
我要见你们的… I wanna speak to your...
经理！ Manager!
很好 很好 Good. Good
接着 拉里·大卫 你嘴里含尿 And now, Larry David, you come up with the pee in your mouth
然后你 你要吐到格温妮丝·帕特洛身上 And then you just, you just spit the pee on Gwyneth Paltrow
逮到你了！发生了什么？ There you are! What's going on?
你们能告诉我这里他妈发生了什么吗？！ You wanna tell me what the fuck is going on?!
抱歉 谁放你进来的？ Scusi, who let you in?
我放我自己进来的 因为这是一个自由的国家 I let myself in because it's a free country
我他妈想站在哪就站在哪！ And I'll stand where I fucking want!
把他赶出去！ Get him out of here!
别他妈的别碰我！ Don't you fucking touch me!
你们他妈的谁也别碰我！ Don't any of you fucking touch me!
好吧 显然我们这里出了点凯伦问题 要不 呃… Okay, we obviously have a bit of a Karen here, let's, uh...
你他妈想叫我凯伦就叫吧！ You can call me Karen all you fucking want!
狗日的！ Motherfucker!
你怎么不告诉大家你干了什么？！ Why don't you tell everyone what you've been doing?!
我要跟管事的人说话！不！ I want to speak to someone in charge! No!
不 显然你屁事不管！ No, 'cause clearly you're not in charge!
-发生什么事了？-你他妈的都不知道你干了什么！ -What's going on up there? -You don't even know what the fuck you're doing!
不是吗？！ Do you?!
喂？谁在那？ Hello? Who's there?
谁在那？该死的 我 我他妈是救生员 Who's there? Goddamn it, I-I'm the fuckin' lifeguard
哇哦 Whoa
喂 你们 你们难道都没事干了吗 No, you-you all need to get a life!
我没吸嗨 你才吸嗨了！ I'm not wasted, you're wasted!
好吧 好吧 如果你不想离开 我只能叫警察了 Okay, fine, if you don't leave, I'm gonna call the police
你他妈的叫啊！ Fuckin' do it!
他妈的把警察喊过来啊！ Fucking call the police!
让他们过来！为什么你不滚回 Bring 'em right here! Why don't you go back
你自己的国家去？！ To your own fucking country?!
-哦 嘿 哇哦 哇哦 哇哦 -哦 哇哦 -Oh, hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. -Oh, whoa
汤姆 看起来在几天的风平浪静后 Tom, it looks like after several days of nothing
一段新的凯伦视频终于出现在网上了 A new Karen video has finally appeared on the Internet
凯伦在直播中喷出了那些耳熟能详的 A livestream caught Karen spewing the usual
自视甚高的可恶屁话 Entitled hateful bullshit
并且收看的观众越来越多了！ And more and more viewers are tuning in!
你该不会连张绿卡都没有吧 不是吧不是吧？！ You probably don't even have a fucking green card, do you?!
行了 请离开好吗？ Okay. Please leave, okay?
不！该走的人是你！老子是美国人！ No! You leave! I'm an American!
我纳税了！ I pay taxes!
-好了 请 请离开 -不！你就是坨狗屎 -Okay, please-please leave. -No! You're a piece of shit
是谁挑起了流量大战 Who started the streaming wars on purpose
导 导致了干旱！ To-to cause the drought!
好吧 好吧 到此为止吧 Okay-okay, that's it
各位 我很抱歉打扰到了你们 Everybody, we're sorry for the disturbance
是啊 然后你付钱给名人请人 Yeah, and then you pay celebrities to get people
去投资你的破玩意 To invest in your dumb shit
因为你知道这很蠢! 'cause you know it's fucking dumb!
来人啊 把这个凯伦从我面前拖走！ Somebody get this Karen out of my face-y!
哦 现在你可完蛋了 凯伦 Oh, you fucked now, Karen
哦 看哪！人熊猪！ Oh, look out! ManBearPig!
爸爸？爸爸！ Dad? Dad!
爸爸 你还活着！ Dad, you're okay!
托尔金？托尔金！ Tolkien? Tolkien!
你从哪回来的？！ Where did you come from?!
我们的新朋友救了我们 We were busted out by our new friend
没事了 你可以出来了 It's okay, you can come out
喳喳 喳喳 Chuck Chuck
那他妈是什么鬼？ What the fuck is that thing?
我想我可以解释 I think I can explain it all
如你所见 为了让皮匹的计划得逞 You see, for Pipi's plan to work
他需要控制气候变化 He needed to control climate change
而你想要控制某个东西 就得操他的妈 And the only way to control anything, is by fucking its mom
但是让皮匹没有想到的是 But what Pipi didn't count on
一个孩子会不顾一切 Was that a child will stop at nothing
去找出是谁操了他的妈妈 To find out who is fucking their mom
喳喳 喳喳 Chuck Chuck
看到了吗？我 我保证了他们的安全 不是吗 See? I-I keep them safe, uh-huh
噢 噢 等等 人熊婊 Whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute, ManBearBitchie
我们是一个不错的团队 不是吗？ We have a great team, no?
你不会想伤害皮匹的 看看我们所做的一切！ You no wanna hurt Pipi. Look at everything we've done!
我把公司的一半都给你 怎么样？ I give you half of the company, huh?!
人熊婊 你怎么说？ What do you say, ManBearBitchie?!
我们可以共同拥有全世界唯一的流水体服务！ We can own the only streaming service in the world together!
-结束了 我们做到了！-我们做到了 爸爸 ！ -It's over. We did it! -We did it, Dad!
兰迪 太感谢你了 Randy. Thank you so much
兰迪？你在盯着什么看？ Randy? What are you staring at?
噢 又开始了 Oh, here we go again
不 等等 No, wait
马…马什先生？ Mr.... Mr. Marsh?
我的眼睛在上面呢…老兄！ My eyes are up-- Dude!
怎样将盐水送到海水淡化厂 How to get saltwater to the desalinization plant
盐水…盐水 Saltwater-- saline
淡化厂中的盐水 Saline in the plant
盐水假体！操 我想到了！ Saline implant! Holy fuck!
今天我们将进行一项新的尝试 Today we try for a new beginning
在警务工作中 我们不能一直保持正确 You know, in police work, we don't always get it right
我对“鸡划”的渴求太过深沉 我都没在乎过 I wanted a deck in my hands so bad that I didn't care
这“鸡划”是谁的 Whose deck it was
但我很高兴现在与我们新的 But I'm happy to be standing here now
实验对象站在这里 With our new test subject
谢谢你 我只想对我的妈妈说声… Thank you. I just want to say to my mom...
妈妈 对不起 Mom, I'm sorry
我很抱歉不能永远做你需要的那种儿子 I'm sorry that I can't always be the son that you need
因为现在你需要一个意志坚定的儿子 Because right now you need a son that can stay firm
来给你好好上一课 And teach you a lesson
但很遗憾 我有别的责任 我准备好了 But unfortunately, duty calls. I'm ready
好的 启动机器 Okay, hit it
好啊 有效果 带剩下的人过来！ Okay, it works. Bring in the rest!
我们让马特·达蒙告诉每一个 We got Matt Damon to tell every woman
有假胸的女性 要鼓起勇气！ With fake tits to be brave!
看看她们 Look at all of them
起效果了！ It's working!
嘿 大家！看！ Hey, everybody! Look!
人熊猪带着猪熊女和喳喳离开了 ManBearPig is leaving with PigBearGirl and Chuck Chuck
喳喳 喳喳！ Chuck Chuck!
嘿 等等 Hey, wait
如果那个小家伙 If that little thing
终有一天会长成气候变化的话 Is gonna be climate change someday
我们是不是应该…杀掉它？ Shouldn't we, like... kill it?
我认为我们应该 I think what we should do
试着去接近它 Is try to reach out to it
了解它需要什么 并观察它能否 See what it needs and see if it can
与它的父亲有所不同 Be different from its father
好吧 但这听起来真的很难 Yeah, but that all sounds really hard
我们现在有足够的水供一整个夏天用了 去他的吧 We have enough water for the summer now. Fuck it
我们一起抽点大麻吧！ Let's smoke some weed!
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1、spcnwikia.top/wiki（可跳转维基主站）
2、wiki.spcnwikia.top/zh（维基镜像站）
本字幕仅供学习交流 禁止用于商业盈利