翻译: 阿朽
校对: 阿朽
后期: 小萌
压制: 凯撒
瑞克与莫蒂
电波诚译
第一季 第六集
我是阴道校长 别被我的名字骗了 Principal Vagina here don't let the name fool you.
我在此提醒你们 I'm very much in charge reminding you
今晚是我们的年度流感舞会 that tonight is our annual flu season dance.
我不知道这句话还要说几遍 I don't know how many times I have to say this,
得了流感的同学请待在家里 but if you have the flu, stay home.
嗨 Hey.
举办流感舞会是为了提高防范意识 不是为了庆祝 The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration.
不会有人带着死掉的婴儿过逾越节 you don't bring dead babies to passover.
犹太教逾越节的传说中上帝杀死了埃及所有头胎的牲畜和婴儿
好吧 加油 okay. Here we go.
嗨 Jessica H-hey, Jessica. Uh...
怎么了 Morty What's up, Morty?
你想干嘛 what are you doing?
呃 um...
慢着 你不会是打算和她说话吧 Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her?
我是想来着 well... I mean, I was thinking about it.
哥们儿 别瞎想了 Dude, stay in your league.
瞧她多美 Look at how hot she is.
你也没见我跑到更有钱的片区里更大的学校 You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district
去泡那儿最漂亮的妹子吧 and hitting on their prettiest girl.
噢 谢谢 Brad Gee, thanks, Brad.
这些傻屌别想靠近你 I throw balls far.
想听好听的 去谈个话家啊(并没有languaer这个词) You want good words? Date a languager.
别多想 Morty try not to worry about it, Morty.
你是个好孩子 虽然现在还没有什么优势 You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now,
但等Brad发福以后 你就也能找到妹子啦 but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.
爸 你搞错重点了 You're missing the point, dad.
我不要妹子 我要Jessica I don't want girls. I want Jessica.
我以前也对某个人有过这样的感觉呢 ah, well, I remember feeling that way about
这个人叫做"你妈" a young lady named "Your mom,"
这不是在骂人啊 And that's not an urban diss.
你妈妈就是我的Jessica Your mom was my Jessica.
我还记得我第一次看到她的时候 我就在想 I remember the first time I saw her. I thought
"把她搞怀孕 她就得嫁给我了" "I should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me."
Rick 你这话不太合适吧 I beg your pardon, Rick inappropriate.
抱歉 请接着讲 Sorry, please proceed with your story
你高中时候搞我女儿的事迹吧 about banging my daughter in high school.
感情方面的事儿你最好别听他的 Morty I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty.
他的婚姻已经悬于一线了 His marriage is hanging from a thread.
我的婚姻好的很 谢谢你啊 My marriage is fine, thank you.
Jerry 这儿是你家 Jerry, it's your house
你说是什么就是什么吧 whatever you say it is is how it is
但我觉得瞎子都能看出来 but I think a blind man could see that
Beth想结束这段婚姻 Beth is looking for the door.
这事儿我根本不在乎 也都发现了 I barely have a reason to care, and even I noticed.
Rick 别这样说我的父母啊 Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that.
听着 Morty 我也不想这么直白地告诉你 Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you,
但所谓的爱情 but what people call "Love"
不过是让动物繁衍后代的化学反应罢了 Is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
开始时让人头昏脑热 然后就慢慢消退 It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades,
只留给你一段失败的婚姻 leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
我是这样 I did it.
你父母也会是这样 Your parents are gonna do it.
别重蹈覆辙 Morty Break the cycle, Morty.
升华自我 专注科学 Rise above. Focus on science.
好吧 我去换舞会的衣服了 All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.
我去 看看你妈妈 Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom.
Morty 把螺丝刀递给我 Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh?
我的离子除颤器就要完成了 I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty.
会很棒的 It's gonna be great.
那个 Rick Hey, listen, Rick.
你之前不是说 Y-y-you know how you said that,
爱情是一种化学反应什么的嘛 you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier?
我在想 Well, I was thinking, you know,
你能不能让Jessica的脑子里 w-w could you make some sort of chemical thing
起点什么化学反应 happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know,
让她爱上我什么的 so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing?
比如什么爱情药水之类的东西 You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something?
完全是浪费我的时间 Morty, that's such a poor use of my time.
我不屑做这种事 It's beneath me.
把螺丝刀递给我 Hand me the screwdriver.
不 Rick you know what? No, Rick!
别想我把螺丝刀递给你 I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver.
别想我再给你递任何东西 I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick!
我老是帮你做这个帮你做那个 I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing.
那那那那我呢 Rick W-w-w-w-w-what about me, Rick?
你怎怎怎么就不能帮我一次呢 就一次 W-w-w-w-why can't you just help me out once once, for once?
你还真是长大了啊 Morty You're growing up fast, Morty.
已经长成一个烦人的大麻烦了 You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.
这个叫后叶催产素 listen, this is called oxytocin.
我从田鼠的身体里提取的 I extracted it from a vole.
知道田鼠吗 Morty Do you know what a vole is, Morty?
知道不 You know what a vole is?
一种会结为终生伴侣的啮齿动物 It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty.
这是在哺乳动物大脑里分泌的一种激素 This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know,
让它坠入爱河 that makes it fall in love.
Morty 我只需要把它和你的DNA混合起来 All right, Morty, I just got to combine it with some of your DNA.
噢 好的 oh, well, okay.
一根头发就行 Morty a hair, Morty.
就要一根头发 I need one of your hairs.
又不是《权利的游戏》(大尺度剧集) This isn't "Game of thrones."
好了 Morty all right, Morty.
只要你把这个抹在别人身上 Whoever you smear this stuff on
这人就会爱上你 永远只爱你一个 will fall in love with you, and only you, forever.
开心了 Morty Are you happy now, Morty?
恩 heck, yeah!
谢谢 Rick外公 Thank you, grandpa Rick.
没有什么危险或者副作用吧 Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects, right?
你当我是什么二流科学家吗 w-w-w-what am I, a hack?
放心吧 Morty 绝对安全 Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof.
除非她得了流感 Eh, unless she has the flu.
Beth 你还爱我吗 Beth, do y-you still love me?
这算是什么问题 ugh, what kind of question is that?
"爱"或者"不爱"的问题 the "Yes or no" kind?
Jerry 你会想让流浪汉有房子住吗 Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?
想啊 yes.
那你会给他们修房子吗 Are you gonna build them?
不会 no.
那一个肯定的回答又有什么意义呢 Then what good was the "Yes"?
等等 "爱我" 是房子还是流浪汉 wait, I-is loving me the house or the homeless people?
"爱你"是辛苦的劳动 loving you is work, Jerry.
是给流浪汉修收容所的过程 Hard work, like building a homeless shelter
没有人"想"说不 nobody wants to say no to doing it
但总有人要付出努力 but some people put the work in.
所以你说呢 So, what do you say?
你觉得我有在努力吗 Do you see me working here?
我觉得这对话无聊吗 Does this conversation seem tedious to me?
算是吧 Sort of.
那明显我也算是爱你的 Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I?
所以别问了 说不定我会更爱你一点 So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more.
靠 我得去趟马医院 Crap, they need me at the horse hospital.
都这个点了 Puh! This late?
赛马场搞了场夜间德比赛 The racetrack had a starlight derby.
有七匹马撞上了 There was a seven-horse collision,
Davin一个人在那儿 and Davin's there alone.
Davin Davin.
*流感 唷* *Flu, yo*
*小心哦* *you got to be aware*
*流感哟* *aware of all the flu*
*空气里的流感* *up in the air*
*给我一针* *I'm-a get me a shot *
*让流感滚* *and make the flu go away *
*反流感饶舌歌手* *flu-hating rapper*
*把流感唱走* *just rapping away *
*唷 唷 反流感饶舌歌手* *yo, yo, flu-hating rapper *
*反流感说唱* *it's a flu-hating rap *
嗨 Jessica hey, there, Jessica.
哦 抱歉 Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!
天啊 Morty Oh, my god. Morty.
你今晚真帅啊 You look really nice tonight.
谢谢 Wow, thanks.
我爱你 Morty I love you, Morty!
我爱你爱到心如火烧 I love you so much, it burns!
天啊 Oh, man!
我也爱你 Jessica I-I love you too, Jessica!
这傻逼在骚扰你吗 Jessica Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?
滚开 混球 Leave him alone, Jerk!
我爱他 I'm in love with him!
你永远不可能像他这么男人 He is more man than you will ever be!
*要小心流感* *This is about flu awareness*
*小心空气中的流感* *got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness*
*我乃反流感饶舌歌手* *yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper *
啊 Morty oh, man, Morty.
真对不起 I'm really sorry.
没事的 Brad oh, well, n-no problem, Brad.
你很特别 Morty 非常特别 There's something special about you, Morty, so special.
哇 你干嘛 Whoa, take it easy!
别碰他 Get your hands off of him!
滚开 我要和我男人在一起 Back off! I'm trying to be with my man!
够了 Bradley That's enough, Bradley!
别把你拿来赶走傻屌(投球)的手弄伤了 We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.
阴道校长 Oh principal Vagina.
永远别离开我 Morty Never leave me, Morty.
永远 Never!
好啊 Hh, sure.
我当然不会离开你 I mean, o-of course not.
你觉得刚才那是怎么回事 W-what do you think that was all about?
管他呢 快抱住我 Who cares? Just hold me.
放开我 我爱你 Morty Let me go! I love you, Morty!
放开我 let go of me!
Morty Morty!
她一晚上都要和那人待一起 she's gonna be alone with that guy all night.
在马身体里捣来捣去 yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses.
不是什么浪漫的场景啊 It's not a very romantic setting.
Summer 说不好啊 well, Summer, there's always the possibility
搞不好加班这个事儿就是她编的呢 that she made the whole work thing up.
说不定现在Davin正在她身体里捣来捣去呢 Maybe Davin's digging around in her insides.
外公 这太恶心了 Grandpa, so gross!
你说的是我妈妈 You're talking about my mom.
她是我女儿 Well, she's my daughter, Summer.
我辈分比你高 I outrank you.
亲属关系根本没有意义 所以别跟我来这套 Or family means nothing, in which case, don't play that card.
她不回我短信 she's not responding to my texts!
小心啊 爸 Careful, dad.
嫉妒会让女人失去兴致的 Jealousy turns women off.
那不是正好吗 Well, isn't that convenient?
被她们劈腿的男人的嫉妒是没用的 Not for the men they cheat on, no.
好吧 我要出去 买点冰激凌 okay, I'm... going to go out... for some ice cream.
可能顺路去趟医院 看看我的老婆 And maybe stop by the hospital... to support my wife...
不带一点怀疑 with my confidence.
天啊 外公 你真是个混蛋 God, grandpa, you're such a dick.
抱歉 Summer I'm sorry, Summer.
你怎么想我一点都不在乎 Your opinion means very little to me.
你怎么没去那个 How come you're not at this
人人爱的傻舞会呢 stupid dance everyone loves so much?
我才不去 我不要被传染 Screw that. I don't want to get sick.
现在是流感季节 It's flu season.
是吗 It is?
是啊 yeah.
啊噢 uh-oh.
千万别出什么岔子啊 Please just let this work out.
来吧 Morty 来吧 Do it, Morty. Do it.
把我的衣服撕开 和我结为终生伴侣吧 Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life!
咱能去个隐蔽点的地方吗 Can we maybe go somewhere more private?
Jessica 控制一下自己 Jessica, get a hold of yourself!
你不配得到Morty的基因 you don't deserve to carry morty's genes.
*我爱Morty* *I love Morty *
*但愿他也爱我* *and I hope Morty loves me *
*我想抱着他* *I'd like to wrap my arms around him*
*让他进入我的身体* *and feel him inside me*
我靠 oh, crap.
Morty Morty!
Morty 快来 Morty, come on!
我们快走 We got to get you out of here.
通常来说这种事是不会发生的 You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens
但我确实犯了个错 but I made a mistake.
快跑 Morty Come on, Morty.
咱们赶紧出去 We got to get out of here. Come on.
Morty Morty!
你没事吧 Are you okay?
我没事 I'm fine!
太好了 Oh, good.
要是你出了什么事 我也活不下去了 If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself.
我爱死你了 莫莫 I love you bad, mo-mo!
Morty 校长和我商量过了 Morty, the principal and I have discussed it,
我们都对自己没什么把握 a-a-and we're both insecure enough
所以只好同意3p了 to agree to a three-way!
我把血清给你的时候 I didn't realize when I gave you that serum
不知道Jessica得了流感 that Jessica had the flu
这这这这对我来说可能是 you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have
非常有用的信息好吗 Morty been valuable information for me, Morty.
这到底是怎么回事 Rick What the hell is going on, Rick?
看着像是怎么回事 What does it look like?
血清借助病毒 T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus.
变得能通过空气传播了 It's gone airborne, Morty.
妈啦 怎么办啊 Rick oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick?
没事的 Morty 放心 It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax.
我赶制了解药 I whipped up an antidote.
我用了螳螂的DNA It's based on praying-mantis DNA.
螳螂完全和田鼠相反 You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty.
它们只交配一次 I mean, they they mate once,
然后就把交配对象的头砍掉 and then they, you know, decapitate the partner.
它们的习性就是这样 I mean, it's a whole ritual.
非常残忍 和田鼠完全相反 It's really gruesome and totally opposite.
完全没有爱可言 There's no love at all.
我加入了一种更具传染性的流感病毒 I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus.
应该就能中和掉之前的血清了 It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty.
这事儿很快就能结束了 It'll all be over very shortly.
对了 Morty Uh, by the way, Morty,
虽然你没问 I know you didn't ask or anything,
但我一点都不想和你发生性关系 but I'm not interested in having sex with you.
这血清对和你有血缘的人是没用的 These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically.
好吧 有时候 Okay, well, sometimes,
用科学怎么能理解科学这门艺术 Science is more art than science, Morty.
很多人就是不明白 A lot of people don't get that.
靠 开什么玩笑 Come on. Are you kidding me?
有人吗 Hello!
Morty Morty!
你不是Morty You're not Morty!
我们要Morty Bring us Morty!
在我成功捉奸以前 谁也别想干掉我 Nobody's killing me until after I catch my wife with another man.
我和Billy上床了 I had sex with Billy.
但你当时已经怀孕了啊 But you were already pregnant!
再差又能怎么样呢 Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen?
抱歉打断《孕妇俏佳人》 插播一则新闻 We interrupt "Pregnant baby" with breaking news.
别啊 Come on.
最新消息 Morty Smith仍然去向不明 This just in, Morty Smith's whereabouts are still unknown.
什么啊这是 What the hell?
目前唯一已知的就是 他有多么可爱 The only thing that is known is... how cute he is.
我爱他 我想和他做爱 I love him so much, I want to make love to him
然后吃掉他的脑袋 and then eat his head.
我比你更爱他 Harold I love him more than you do, Harold!
想得美 贱人 You wish, you stupid bitch!
Morty是我的 Morty's mine!
Morty在哪儿 Where is Morty?
天啊 Rick Oh, my god, Rick.
全世界都被感染了 The whole world is infected!
是啊 传播得这么快真是惊人 Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread.
我真是超水平发挥 I've really outdone myself.
超水平发挥 Outdone yourself?!
别开玩笑了 Rick W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick?
这太糟了 This is not okay!
他们不光是都想要和我做爱 Not only do they all want to have sex with me,
现在事后还要把我吃掉 but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards!
我也不知道我当时在想什么 Yeah, I don't know what i was thinking.
螳螂和田鼠完全相反 Mantises are they opposite of voles?
显然DNA没这么简单 I mean, Obviously, DNA's a little more complicated than that.
不过呢 Morty You know what, though, Morty?
有了这个 问题马上就能解决了 This right here's gonna do the the trick, baby.
树袋熊混合上 响尾蛇 黑猩猩 仙人掌 It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus,
鲨鱼 金毛犬 加上一点点恐龙 shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur.
应该能把他们变回正常人类了 Should add up to normal humanity.
这根本没道理 Rick I don't, that doesn't make any sense, Rick.
这怎么就能变回正常人类了 How does that add up to normal humanity?
怎么 Morty 你难道还想看我的运算过程吗 What, Morty, you want me to show you my math?
你是科学家 I'm sorry a-are you the scientist
还是想搞妹子的小孩 or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?
救了那些马真是太好了 Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses,
但就这么结束了 让我觉得有些遗憾 but I'm almost sorry we're finished.
是的 这样的工作很让人有满足感 Yes, it's satisfying work.
不不不 不仅仅是工作 Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh it's more than the work.
我喜欢在那间无菌室里 I love being in that sterilized room,
与世隔绝 sealed off from the world.
只有在那里我才能真正思考和感受 It's the only time I can really think... and feel.
你在干嘛 Hmm, uh, what are you doing?
这首African Dream Pop是一首确实存在的remix作品 在Youtube上可以找到 其中许多素材来自Rick and Morty
我在放非洲梦幻流行乐 I'm playing African Dream Pop.
辛苦工作一晚之后你会做什么呢 What do youdo after a long night?
啊 呃 我得走了 Oh, ha, um, hey, I-b-I'd better get going.
Jerry一直在给我发一些很不好应付的短信 Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff.
Beth Beth...
干嘛 Davin What is it, Davin?
就这一次 我想知道 Just once, I'd like to know
给你的儿子洗澡是什么感觉 ...w-w-what it was like to give your son a bath.
啥 what?!
Morty闻起来是什么味道 What does Morty's skin smell like?
他的小弟弟有多么柔软 How soft... how soft are his privates?
放开我 Davin let go of me, Davin!
带我去找Morty Take me to Morty.
你不是Morty You're not Morty.
没错 No.
我是撬棍先生 这是我的朋友 I'm Mr. Crowbar, and this is my friend,
也是一根撬棍 who is also a crowbar.
这好蠢啊 That's... stupid.
是吗 Yeah?
看看聪明的下场吧 Well, look where being smart got you.
Jerry 感谢上帝 Jerry! Thank god!
上帝 God?
上帝把人变成了昆虫怪 Beth God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth.
把它们打死的人是我 I'm the one beating them to death.
感谢我吧 Thank me.
谢谢你 Jerry Thank you, Jerry.
谢谢 Thank you.
往下看 Morty 欣赏一会儿 Take a good look down there, Morty, and soak it in,
只要我拉动这个开关 一切就恢复原状了 because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal.
快动手吧 Just do it already.
Morty 没什么好急的 Well, technically, Morty, there's no rush.
只要恢复了 一切就结束了 I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done.
这事儿就解决了 It's fixed.
我们可以稍微欣赏一会儿嘛 You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit.
看看这场面 多疯狂 I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is.
Morty 下一次 I mean, Morty, w-w-when's the next time
你想看到这样的东西得等到什么时候了 you're gonna see something like this?
好好享受一会儿 I mean, soak it in, you know?
多棒阿 It's it's pretty neat.
多有趣啊 It's pretty interesting.
够了 Rick 我要拉开关了 That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever.
结果怎么样啊 Morty W-what do we have here, Morty?
看来是我是对的 你错了 Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh?
你现在肯定觉得自己很蠢吧 I-I-I-I-I-I-I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh?
你现在肯定惭愧得不行吧 I-I-I bet you feel like the world's smallest man
之前还怀疑我 Morty that you were doubting me about this whole thing, Morty.
不 Rick 有什么不对 Oh, Rick, something's not right.
不就是你吗 Yeah, you.
- 你从来就没对过 - 不 不是 - You're not right, ever. - No, no!
快看 你这个白痴 Look, you idiot!
高兴了吧 Morty Bet you're loving this, Morty.
今天肯定是你人生中最美好的一天 This must be the best day of your life.
跟你说了让你别着急 You get to be the mayor of I-told-you town.
不用谢 You're welcome.
抓稳了 Hold on.
真希望这把猎枪是我的大屌 I wish that shotgun was my penis.
叫我海明威(用猎枪自杀) If it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway.
我没听懂 我也不用听懂 I don't get it, and I don't need to.
妈 爸 Mom! Dad!
Summer Summer!
Morty在哪儿 Where's Morty?
我不知道 I don't know.
你觉得Rick外公和这有关吗 Do you think Grandpa Rick had something to do with this?
这么想不太公平吧 Summer It's not fair to assume that, Summer.
不公平 Oh, not fair?
算了吧 Give me a break.
他就是个自私 不负责任的混蛋 他还离开了我母亲 He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, and he left my mother.
真男人会守在他的女人身边 A real man stands by his woman.
大卫 柯南伯格 加拿大籍导演 擅拍惊悚电影 其不少作品涉及人体变异 如《狂犬病》 《变蝇人》
Morty 我把世界搞得好像柯南伯格的电影一样 Boy, Morty, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't I?
整个地球上都是柯南伯格式的生物 We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there, Morty.
不过至少他们不再疯狂地爱你了 A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though.
这算是一大进步了 That's a huge step in the right direction.
天 这简直就是活生生的噩梦 Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare!
你怎么能这么不负责任呢 Rick How could you be so irresponsible, Rick?
我不负责任 me irresponsible?!
我只是想让你给我递一把螺丝刀而已 You, all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty!
是你想让我抛开别的 You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down
给你弄什么迷奸血清 and make you up a... roofie-juice serum
好让你去迷奸你那可怜的同学 so you could roofie that poor girl at your school.
你开什么玩笑 Morty I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty?
你还想抢占道德制高点 You're gonna try to take the high road on this one?
你就是个小变态 Morty Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty.
你你你你你就是个猥琐的小变态 Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person.
好吧 All right, fine.
你之前拒绝帮我做血清的时候 我就该听你的 I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum.
我愿意承担我这部分的责任 Rick I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick.
但是我告诉你 But I'll tell you something you know what?
你也得承认你的那部分责任 You got to accept your part of the blame!
又不是我搞砸了血清的事 I'm not the one who fouled up the serum!
又不是我 I'm not the one who who who who
把一堆乱七八糟的鬼东西混在一起 haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense
弄出了一堆柯南伯格怪 together and created a bunch of cronenbergs!
- 你得解决这事儿 Rick - 好吧 好吧 Morty - You got to fix this, Rick! - All right, all right, Morty.
现在这个情况已经很难挽回了 You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here,
不过我确实有个应急方案 but I do have one emergency solution that I can use
能让一切相对而言恢复正常 that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking.
Morty 把这个带上 Here, Morty, put this on
我来搜索一下 while I do a little bit of scouting.
每日时报
基因传染病
已被阻止
哇 Rick 我得说 Wow, Rick, I got to say
你这次真是太厉害了 you really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time.
我真以为 I mean, I-I really thought that
这儿会永远一团乱下去了 the whole place was gonna be messed up for good,
但你做到了 but here you did it
你一如既往地想出了个疯办法 you figured out that crazy solution, like you always do.
真是太走运了 That's some great luck.
得了吧 Morty 跟运气没关系 Come on, Morty. Luck had nothing to do with it.
靠的是我的实力 I'm great. That's the real reason.
怎么说 Morty Now, Morty, what do you say, buddy?
能把螺丝刀递给我 Will you hand me a screwdriver
让我完成我的离子除颤器吗 so I can finish my ionic de-defibulizer?
当然 Rick Sure thing, Rick.
给你 Here's a screwdriver.
好了 Morty All right, Morty.
谢谢你 Thank you very much.
拧一下 We got one screw turn...
拧两下 and two screw turns... and...
好了 Morty 我们到了 All right, Morty, here we are.
天啊 Rick 那是我们吗 Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?!
我我我我们死了 W-w-w-we're dead!
怎么回事 Rick What is going on, Rick?
我要崩溃了 I'm freaking out!
冷静点 Morty Calm down, Morty!
看着我 冷静 Morty Look at me! Calm down, Morty!
- 不行 我接受不了 - 冷静下来 Morty - No, I can't deal with this! - Calm yourself, Morty.
- 这种事我受不了 Rick - 冷静 Morty - I can't deal with this, Rick! - Calm down, Morty.
- 骗人的吧 - 冷静下来 Morty - This can't be real! - You got to calm down, Morty.
我我我我们被炸碎了 W-w-w-w-we're ripped apart!
闭上嘴听我说 Shut up and listen to me!
没事的 It's fine. Everything is fine.
有无数个平行的现实 Morty There's an infinite number of realities, Morty
在一小部分平行世界里 我运气好 and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky
让一切恢复了原状 and turned everything back to normal.
我只需要找到其中某一个世界 I just had to find one of those realities
我们俩刚好在这段时间里死了 in which we also happen to both die around this time.
现在我们只需要悄悄取代 Now we can just slip into the place of
这个世界里死掉的自己 就没问题了 our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine.
就和什么都没发生过一样 Morty We're not skipping a beat, Morty.
这太疯狂了 This is insane.
来帮我搬下尸体 Now, help me with these bodies.
Morty 我搬我自己 Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,
你搬你自己 行吗 you grab yourself, okay?
我觉得这样挺公平的 I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me, I mean,
这样分配很合理 that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.
那我们以前的世界呢 Rick, what about the reality we left behind?
那Hilter找了治愈癌症方法的世界呢 Morty What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
最好的办法就是别去想 The answer is don't think about it.
反正这种办法也不是每周都能用 It's not like we can do this every week, anyways.
最多就用个三四次 We get three or four more of these, tops.
把你自己的尸体搬起来 Now, pick up your dead self and come on.
欲速则不达 Haste makes waste.
虽然我觉得你没注意到这个细节 I-I-I don't suppose you've considered this detail,
但很显然 如果我没把一切都搞砸的话 but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did
我们现在就是死人了 再说一次 不用谢 we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome.
《Look On Down from the Bridge》 Mazzy Star
鲨鱼这种动物 You know, the thing about a shark...
有一双毫无生气的眼睛 he's got lifeless eyes...
黑黑的眼睛 像木偶的眼睛一样 black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
它朝你冲过来的时候 浑然不似活物 When he comes at ya, he doesn't seem to be living
直到它咬住你 接着就是血 until he bites ya, and then the the blood,
鲜红的 还有水里... and the red, and the water...
你有想过Rick和Morty怎么样了吗 You ever wonder what happened to Rick and Morty?
有时候吧 Sometimes.
这么说好像有点对不起他们 But, I'm ashamed to admit,
但他们走了以后 我终于过得幸福了 now that they're gone, I'm finally happy.
我们到啦 柯南伯格Morty Here we are, cronenberg Morty
一个所有人都被柯南伯格化了的世界 a reality where everyone in the world got genetically cronenberged.
我们来了正好呢 柯南伯格Morty We'll fit right in, cronenberg Morty.
就和我们从来没离开过柯南伯格世界一样 It'll be like we never even left cronenberg world.
是啊 柯南伯格Rick Yeah, cronenberg Rick,
但我还是会想念柯南伯格世界的 but, you know, I'm gonna miss cronenberg world,
因为大家都是柯南伯格版的 because everyone was cronenberged
和我们一样 从一开始就是 all along like us from the beginning, you know?
要是我们没有把 I mean, I-I wish we hadn't genetically ruined
柯南伯格世界基因毁灭掉就好了 cronenberg world beyond repair like we did,
把所有人都变成了正常的人类 you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people just walking around.
别担心这种事了 柯南伯格Morty Don't you worry about that sort of thing, cronenberg Morty.
咱们就在这儿舒舒服服过吧 Let's go make ourselves at home, huh?