Iron man: Okay. Now, sam...
Nice and slow.
Just like we practiced.
Steady. (whirring)
Steady.
(clattering)
(phone vibrating)
That's not annoying at all.
Yeah, I know, tony.
Sorry, I forgot. Just ignore it.
Sure, ignore it.
We're just trying to dispose of highly unstable pym particles.
No big.
Why get your armor in a bunch
Over puny particles?
Because if these puny particles escape that containment unit,
They might just shrink everything on earth at the speed of light,
Including the earth itself,
To the size of a dot, and that would be bad.
(whirring)
(clattering)
What if it's an emergency?
This will be an emergency if you don't focus.
(phone vibrates)
I can get it.
(thumping) no!
I just bought it.
I won't smash it. I have a phone too, you know.
(thuds)
Yeah. It's built to withstand a gamma bomb.
Which my phone is not... Happening!
Uh, I gotta go!
Falcon, I need you in here.
I can get that. No!
We need you on the containment unit.
Any sudden movements can cause...
(phone ringing)
Whoa.
Ant-man!
Whew! "come to my lab," you said.
"what's safer than the tower," you said.
Did new york just have an earthquake?
Nah, just my phone. I'm popular.
I say, "help me dispose of unstable mass altering particles,"
And you bring in a newbie and meat-hooks mcgee.
I'm supposed to stay subatomic,
Make sure none of the particles escape.
Like that one?
Don't move, hulk.
(chuckles) tingles.
Hulk! (alarm beeps)
Jarvis: Sir, there's a pym particle loose.
Not to mention, a teeny tiny hulk.
That's a recipe for disaster.
You're never going to let me live this down, are you?
No. No, I'm not.
Guys, emergency. Don't panic. It's my mother.
She's here.
(sighs) it's going to be one of those days.
What's the emergency?
My mom's on her way.
We have an alarm for that?
Or the hulk was accidentally shrunk down
By an unstable pym particle.
Thanks to falcon fielding phone calls from his mom.
So, watch where you step. (steps thump)
Ant-man, no one told me
The incredible shrinking annoyance was coming in today.
Hawkeye...
Unless you want to spend a day inside of your own smelly boot again...
Why don't you let the past be the past
And do something useful?
(beeps)
(whirring)
Whoa!
(grunts) like that.
(groans) I guess I found the hulk.
Ooh! You were just taken to the learning hall.
It's school.
Indeed, and it was "in session."
Hmm? (groans)
I can shrink down and get him back to size,
But more importantly, we have to contain
That unstable particle or bad things will happen.
(doorbell rings)
We have a doorbell?
It's too late. She's here!
Why the great concern?
You don't understand. She doesn't know I'm an avenger.
My mom thinks I'm just a s.H.I.E.L.D. Liaison.
She'd make me quit, knowing the danger I'm always in.
Make you? (chuckles) how old are you?
The irony is, the more we worry about mom,
The less we actually have to worry,
Because there won't be a world
Or a mom
To worry about.
Tony, I'm... Out.
Whoo, man! You were totally taken to the learning hall.
I've never seen him that angry before.
Well, to be fair, you almost let earth
Shrink out of existence over a lie to your mother.
Right! I gotta get changed.
Cover me! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
We are not lying to your mom...
Without getting something out of it.
Ugh, what do you want?
Nothin', but the next time your mom makes cookies
I want first dibs.
Hmm, nothing on the gamma energy scans.
Yeah, he's too small.
I'll shrink in and get a reading.
Find hulk and the particle can't be far behind.
With this adaptor, I can hold the particle
Long enough to get into the containment unit.
Don't worry. We'll have this wrapped up as fast as you can say, "hi, falcon's mom."
(grunting)
I would strongly advise you to rethink your course of action, sam.
(grunts)
Honesty is the best policy. (whimpers)
Rip the bandage off and get it over with.
(grunts) not this time, cap.
I never told her I became the falcon.
If I do now, I'm done.
Finito. (whimpers)
Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.
As long as you remember our deal about the cookies.
And what do you want?
Nothing. I have similar figurehead issues
With all-father odin.
I feel you.
(gasps) you actually used that slang correctly.
Cold. Cool.
Yes. (groans)
Okay. I'm going in.
(inhales)
(dings)
Sam, I hope this is a good time.
The best. Avengers, my mom.
Mom, the avengers. 'kay, let's go.
Are you kidding?
I want to see where you work,
And I have to get a picture of my boy with real avengers.
You remember when you used to pose
With those cardboard cutouts.
(chuckles) yeah. You sure we can't just go do lunch?
Are those cookies? (laughs) (camera flashes)
Nanobot: Commence cleansing. Iron man: Any hits?
Yeah, I'm following a pretty strong signal.
If I can just get past your germaphobe-a-bots.
Yeah. I live with the hulk, remember?
The nano-janitors keep the tower springtime fresh.
(crashing) point taken.
And speaking of, I think I found our green goliath.
And the particle.
(hulk roaring)
(grunting) smash cleaning robots!
(screams)
Easy, hulk. Just one second,
And we'll have you back to normal.
Nanobot: Contaminant found. Neutralizing.
Get back here, blue dot!
(grunts) hulk, no!
Tell me you got the particle.
Yeah, he got it.
And now, "it" is "them."
We're in trouble. Oh, boy.
Aw, you gotta be kiddin' me!
Why do you not just wash it down with water?
You can't wash cookies down with water!
It's gotta be milk!
Milk or nothin'!
(grunts)
(gulps) worth it.
Sam has told me so much about you.
I feel like I know you all.
You're the one who thinks he's funny.
Captain america keeps his room neat
And likes his french fries lined up.
And you're the one that sheds his yellow locks all over the place.
Well, you know, as a liaison,
I liaise, which means noticing the details.
(chuckles nervously) where is that cookie-hogging hulk?
I made him a whole separate batch of treats.
And I brought mints. I hear he suffers from chronic halitosis.
(chuckles) hey, how about another picture?
Then, maybe we can go get lunch before
You say something else that'll get me fired.
Sam wilson, if I didn't know any better,
I'd say you were trying to hustle me out of here.
Uh, guys...
Just press the button and they'll be a big flash.
That's what I'm worried about.
How bad is it?
(rumbling) thanks to mr. Anger management...
(grunts)
We have an unknown number of unstable particles loose in the tower.
I can't predict their effects, their location... Anything!
We need to vacuum them into the containment unit
Before they escape the building.
Jarvis, tower lockdown.
Pass code, "I heart ascots."
What?
I'd never be caught dead saying those words
Unless it's an emergency.
The warmer the color temperature, the easier the particles are to see.
Jarvis, turn the lights to 2000 kelvin.
(buzzes)
Where do those vents go?
Everywhere.
Nanobot: Contaminant found. Neutralizing.
Commence cleaning. (grunts)
Contaminant found. Neutralizing. (laser blast)
What's going on?
Oh, yeah. That...
It's called, "spontaneous training."
Yeah, guys do it all the time
To keep them on their toes.
(glass breaking) so, how about lunch?
(rumbling) (grunts)
Contaminant found. Neutraliz... (explodes)
Are those my nano-janitors?
Maybe you should get some air fresheners
Or an off switch.
Contaminant found... Contaminant neutralizing...
(roars)
(grunts) (thuds)
(grunts) contaminant found.
(explodes)
(whirring)
Because of their instability, I can only contain so many
Pym particles at a time with this rig.
All right, here's the recap.
Hulk smashed an unstable pym particle. It multiplied.
Yellow makes things big. Blue makes things small.
Second biggest brain on the team needed in the lab. Let's go.
Oh, your mom. Yeah. Sorry, sam.
No time for tact.
Mrs. Wilson, your son's a part of our team.
He's... (screams) (laser blast)
This doesn't seem safe at all.
And-and what did he mean, part of the team?
Tony meant that I'm a team player.
You know, always helping out with... Whatever.
Sam, man up, and let's go!
Mom, I have something to tell you.
Get down!
And there goes our expert on all things shrinking.
(clattering)
(sighs) and this is why I prefer to work with ants.
(beeps)
Not good.
(grunts)
commence...
(whirring)
Stark, the unstable pym particles
Are overriding my stable ones.
I can't resize.
I'm stuck until you siphon the unstable energy off of me.
Of course.
Mrs. Wilson is a civilian. We need to get her to safety.
Hawkeye, falcon... Uh, cap, falcon's not here, remember?
Oh, brother. Just do it!
Retreat to the hallway. I got you... (screams)
(rumbling) (screams)
That ain't right.
And don't even try to tell me that's normal. (rumbling)
Mom, run! (whimpers)
Aah!
Crazy training exercise, huh?
Feels pretty real.
(scoffs) oh, sam.
You are a lot of amazing things,
A liar isn't one of them.
Spill it!
Ah...
Look out! (screams)
Sam!
Mom! Ah!
(roars)
Heard screams.
Mom!
Oh. All good?
Very.
(coughs) wow.
This is one for the blog.
Here, for my new favorite avenger.
Cookies! Yes!
Oh, thanks, sam's mom.
We gotta get you somewhere safe!
But what about the hulk?
Trust me when I say, hulk can take care of himself.
Come on! (yelps) slow down, sam.
I'm in heels!
Hmm. Save you for last.
(grunts)
(clanks)
Well, this is humiliating.
Target acquired... (grunts)
Cleaning! Cleaning!
Neutralizing.
(grunting)
Oh, good. You're alive.
(chuckles) I thought I crushed you with my, uh, assets.
Mom, stay here with hawkeye, please.
Just for a second while I ask mr. Stark how to get out of here.
(grunts)
Contaminant found. Ah!
Hawkeye smash!
Nice!
So, any embarrassing stories about sam
You'd like to share while, uh, we're...
Training?
Hmm. (chuckles)
(laser blast)
Whoa! Sam!
It's about time.
Why aren't you in your armor?
You know, forget it. Mom, right?
You've got to think about your team here, sam.
I'm going to get fired and grounded.
Unexpected trip to the microverse, huh?
Yup.
Got to be more fun than working with ants.
Bug off.
(grunting)
Sam, you're now officially the smartest guy in the room.
How much smarter do you have to be to realize this lie has gone too far?
Get in the game, sam. (sighs)
Mom, stay with the guys.
I've got to take care of something.
So...
How you liking new york so far?
There!
Redwing, to me.
Captain america: The tide is turning against us.
We need to fall back to another room.
Thor: Aye.
Hope this works.
Falcon.
(laughs) let me be the first to say, that gun...
Language! Vacuums really well.
(chuckles nervously)
(yelps)
(laughs)
Do you have something to say to me?
Samuel? Wait.
You knew?
I don't know which is worse.
That you think your mother's dumb
Or that I'm blind.
I have a blog.
Uh, not to break this up, but we need to get the situation contained.
(rumbling) (whimpers)
What was that?
Sam: Whoa!
Somebody fix me!
We're going to need a bigger containment gun.
(screams) (dog barking)
Aah!
I know my strengths, sam, but physics isn't my strongest suit.
If we're going to stop this, it has to be you.
My upgrade isn't going to be enough.
And the vacuum containment chamber in tony's lab
Doesn't have the capacity for this many particles either.
We need to get ant-man back from the microverse to modify it.
Then do it.
Okay, cap. Need your shield.
The vibranium apparently neutralizes the effects of the pym particles.
And with this copper wire,
I'm essentially turning it into a particle magnet.
Hawkeye, I need you, cap, and thor to guard the hold.
Nothing gets in or out. Particles or otherwise.
Sure thing. Cold.
There you go.
Should give you more barrier latitude, cap. Uh, thanks?
Mom? Yeah, honey?
Want to see something really cool?
(laughs)
Now, this is why I came to visit!
Avenger moms, assemble.
Please don't say that, mom.
And can you stop moving? I brought you to keep you safe
Not to drop you into nature's building blocks.
There they are!
Oh, hi. Falcon's mom, I presume.
You can call me darlene.
Later. There's a breach in the tower.
And we need to lock these particles down fast.
Well, there's a good thought finally.
One question. How do you propose we get back to...
Oh, I don't know...
Normal size?
With this.
Did you mod my gun? Yup.
Who wants to go first? Him.
Now, cap!
Good to have you back.
Good to be back. Quick thinking, for a liaison.
Look, tony, I'm sorry.
Oh, I'm sure we'll think of a torturous laundry list
Of duties for you to make this up to me,
But first... Let's get the hulk.
Ow! I'm getting a cramp! (groans)
Do you know what happens when this gun reaches critical mass?
Uh, yeah. The world ends.
Can you modify the vacuum collection chamber in the lab
Before that actually happens?
Done. Now, go bring the hulk down a peg...
Or 40.
(groans)
Hulk, say cheese!
(whirring)
Don't!
Puny fly!
(whirring)
(screams)
(splashes)
Come on. Just a little more. Hold on.
(laughs) that's my boy!
Get it done, sam!
Now! Hurry!
(grunts)
(rumbling)
(both groan)
I think I'm just going to lay here for a while.
Want your mom to tuck you in?
I now see why you work with ants.
(giggles)
Mom, quit!
You're embarrassing me.
It's the least I can do for you lying to me.
Yeah. That was a big mistake.
And if I thought you hadn't been through enough pain for that lie,
I would be furious.
But look, sam.
When you started this whole s.H.I.E.L.D. Adventure,
I had to give fury my permission.
Permission? Uh...
Of course. Sam is only 17.
Ah-ha. And now, you're sorry.
The point is, fury told me when you became an avenger.
And I didn't make a peep.
Even when you lied about it.
I thought you'd be worried. That you'd say no.
Of course, I worry.
It's my job.
But it is also my job to believe in you.
To help you follow your dreams.
To let you fly. Ha!
Because he is a falcon.
Funny! (groans) not now.
Man, you really need to take a comedy class or something.
Timing?
You're an avenger, sam. My favorite avenger.
No offense, hulk.
Just keep making me cookies. We're good.
I'll never lie to you again, mom.
I promise. For real.
I know. Okay, enough mush.
Are you superheroes or what?
Now, get in here, guys. All of you.
I need at least one proper photo to mark the occasion.
Everybody say, "near death experience!"
All: Near death experience!