??
[M Man ]?? If their love's on skids...
treat your folks like kids??
?? Or your family tree's gonna snap??
[M Woman ]?? So to make 'em dig...
first ya gotta rig??
[M Together ]?? What do ya gotta rig??
?? The parent trap??
[M Woman ]?? If they lose that zing...
and they just won't swing??
?? Then the problem falls in your lap??
[M Man ]?? When your folks are square...
then you must prepare??
?? What do you gotta prepare?? - ?? The parent trap??
[ Both Yawning ]...
[M Together ] ?? To set the bait recreate the date??
?? The first time Cupid shot 'em??
?? Get 'em under the moon play their favorite tune??
John.
Marcia.
?? You got 'em??
[M Man ]?? Lead 'em back to love...
with a velvet glove??
[M Woman ]?? 'Cause they're much...
too old for the strap??
[M Together ]?? Straighten up their mess...
with togetherness??
?? Togetherness The parent trap??
John, they're playing our song.
Marcia, what fools we've been.
?? Straighten out their mess with togetherness??
?? Togetherness??
?? Straighten out their mess with togetherness??
?? Togetherness??
?? The parent trap????
[M Girls Chattering, Clamoring Loudly ]...
[M Woman ] Now, now there,
girls, Now, now,...
'A'to 'K's'over here, 'A'to 'K's'over--
No, dear, you're an 'R'. Over there with...
the 'P' to 'S's.'
That's a good girl. Now, have we any...
'X, Y, Z's' here?
Where are the 'X, Y, Z's'? - Now here are your allergy pills.
Your grandmother said to remind you one three times a day.
And your insect repellant.
And your poetry book.
Thank you, Staimes. - Have a good summer, miss.
[ Chattering, Clamoring Continues ]...
Name? - McKendrick, Sharon.
18 Belgrave Square, Boston? - Yes.
And my grandmother said to see that my tent...
was properly ventilated.
Don't worry, McKendrick. You'll be ventilated.
Next girl.
No candy wrappers. No chewing gum wrappers...
lying on the ground.
Always tidy.
Latrines over there. Mess hall up the hill.
McKendrick, you're in here, Arapahoe. Follow me.
Girls, wait here for me.
Come, McKendrick.
New arrival, girls. Name's McKendrick.
Hi.
Hello. - Girls here'll brief you...
on anything you need to know.
I'm sure you'll be very happy here.
See you after lunch.
My name is Betsy. This is Ursula.
How do you do? [ Clears Throat ]
I'm Sharon McKendrick.
???? [M Bugle Playing Reveille ] - [ Girls Shouting ]
Say, you're in a good tent.
Betsy's mother sends her all kinds of candy bars and...
chocolates every week.
I'm not allowed to eat candy. - Why not?
My grandmother thinks it ruins my teeth.
Oh, hi, Mary Sue.
Well, come on, let's go. I'm starved.
Oh, yeah, just as long as there are three places.
Oh, is that-- Oh.
The nerve of her, coming here with your face.
What are you gonna do about it?
Do? What in heaven's name can I do, silly?
I'd bite off her nose, then she wouldn't look...
like you.
Who's she? - [M Bell Ringing ]...
I never saw her before in my life.
Now...
at this time...
I want to say welcome to all our new arrivals.
Welcome to Camp Inch, new arrivals.
I am your supreme commander here.
And my name is... Miss Inch.
Uh, yes, Miss Inch. - [ Girls Chuckle Softly ]
I'd like at this time to introduce a visitor...
from the next hilltop over.
From the Thunderhead Boys Camp.
Chief Eaglewood.
Welcome.
Thank you, Miss Inch. And hello there, out...
there to all of you.
Uh, looks like a crackerjack troop of girls there.
Now, why am I here?
Well, that's our little surprise.
Trooper Stafford, attention. Stand up, boy.
Ohh, what a dream. - [ Girls Giggling ]
A little surprise for you, young ladies.
Saturday night we're going to have a dance.
[ Girls Screaming ]
Now, quiet, girls, quiet.
And we've asked the Thunderhead Boys Camp...
to come over for the occasion.
Camp Thunderhead accepts your invitation...
and thanks you.
[ Girls Screaming, Cheering ] - [M Bell Ringing ]
A word of warning.
Watch your demerits.
Untidy little girls won't go to the dance.
So keep those tents clean,
your uniforms spanking fresh...
and we'll all be one big happy family.
[ Sighs ]...
[ Chattering ]...
[ Laughing ] - With that toad?
Oh, no.
What are you staring at?
Excuse me, but haven't you noticed?
We look like each other.
Hey, wait a minute. Turn your head.
Let me see that profile.
That's who it is, Look at that profile,...
She's the spittin'image of you-know-who.
Who?
Frankenstein. - [ Laughing ]
Not wanted.
[ Screaming ]...
[ Gasping ]...
???? [M Reveille ]...
[ Girls Chattering ]...
[ Screams ] - [ High-Pitched Scream ]...
[ Screams ] Those monsters.
They gopher-trapped us.
[ High-Pitched Screams ]...
Morning, Miss Inch. - Good morning, Miss Grunecker.
Where would you like to start? - Well--
Why not start with tent Arapahoe?
I'm sure you'll find everything shipshape.
[ Gasps ] - [ Screams ]...
[M Woman On Record ]?? Think of all...
that we could share??
?? Let's get together every day??
?? Every way and everywhere??
?? And though we haven't got a lot??
?? We could be sharin' all we've got??
?? Together??
?? Oh, I really think you're swell?? - What if we got some ants,
?? We really ring the bell?? - and when she comes by the window...
we dump 'em down her dress?
Impractical. - Where're you gonna find...
ants at night, stupid?
Ooh, the three of them. I'm so mad I could just spit.
?? Let's get together Yea, yea, yea??...
?? Two is twice as nice as one??
?? Let's get together right away??
?? We'll be havin' twice the fun??
?? And you can always count on me??
Hey, I got an idea.
?? A twosome we will be?? - Come on.
?? Let's get together Yea, yea, yea????...
[ Chattering ]...
How do you like camp? - Oh, it's okay, I guess.
I'm not coming back to this one, though.
They're so juvenile.
They won't let you wear lipstick or perfume.
I feel absolutely naked without my lipstick.
Oh. [ Clears Throat ]
Where you from?
Um, Monterey, California.
That's great.
Oh, you'd love California; at least I do.
It's so sort of-- I don't know--...
marvelous, actually.
[ Clears Throat ] Sounds great.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, it's absolute fun living in California.
Every year when I get home from camp, Dad takes me...
on a trek into the mountains.
Gee, that's great. - Mm-hmm.
Your mother just lets you go up in the mountains like that?
Oh, I don't have a mother; just Dad and me.
[M Scissors Cutting ]
He's wonderful. Besides, I know almost everything...
about trails...
and camping and woodlore.
We have a ball, just Daddy and me and Hecky.
Ooh, it's hot out here. - Who's Hecky?
Our ranch foreman. He tells sensational stories.
He used to be a rodeo rider actually.
???? [M Starts ] - Oh, they've started...
the music again.
I guess we oughta, huh? - Mm-hmm.
I love dancing. I could just dance all night,
especially with you, Wilfred. - [ Clears Throat ]...
[ Chattering ]...
[ Gasps ]...
[ People Laughing ]
Your dress is ruined. Where were you? Where could she have done it?
Oh, I don't know. I wasn't anywhere. I just went out--...
[ Chuckling ]
Serves ya right. Stay out of our tent from now on.
You vicious, little wretch. - [ Gasps ]...
Stop it. Stop it. - Let her go.
Sharon, let go of her. Get away.
[ Girls Screaming ] - Stop that.
Stop that, ladies, please. Girls--
Stop it. Girls. Stop.
Stop. Stop. Misses, stop.
[M Girls Screaming ] - [ Gasps ]...
[ Stammering ]...
[ Shouts ]
I've got a cake in my hands. Now stop it, children.
[ Screams, Groans ]
You little wretches.
[M Girls Continue Screaming ]
Congratulations.
In the history of our camp, that was the most infamous,
the most revolting, the most disgusting...
display of hooliganism...
we have ever had.
Brawling like hooligans in front of our guests.
And worst of all,
two sisters who should be setting a good example.
We're not sisters.
I've never seen her before in my life.
They are, aren't they?
No, ma'am, just look-alikes.
An amazing resemblance.
I gather that you two girls don't get along together?
Hmm. Well, have you ever heard of
Gilbert and Sullivan?
Yes, ma'am.
They were composers.
They wrote a memorable song called...
'Let the Punishment Fit the Crime.'
[ Girls Chattering ]
Sharon McKendrick, we are waiting.
All right, girls, follow me.
?? [ Girls Whistling 'Bridge On The River Kwai' ]...
?? ??
??
Now, girls, that's enough of this nonsense.
Go back to your activities.
[ Girls Shouting ] - All right, young ladies.
In here.
Yes.
All right.
Four weeks left at camp and you'll spend them all together;
room together, eat together, play together.
Either you'll find a way to live with each other...
or you'll punish yourselves far better than I ever could.
Good-bye, girls.
[ Girls Chattering, Laughing ]
It drives her crazy. I completely ignore her.
Give it to her good. - The old coventry treatment.
Pretty soon the silence will drive her absolutely...
out of her mind.
[ Girls Giggling ]...
[M Thunderclap ]...
[M Wind Gusting ]...
Oh. Oh, my gosh. - Oh, my goodness. Hurry, quick.
I've got it. Hook it. Tie that down over there, tight.
Thanks. - You're welcome.
Oh, gosh. Look at this mess.
Are any of them spoiled? - Well, it didn't do 'em any good.
Oh, dirty darn, look at this one. Just ruined.
Oh, that's a shame. Who is he?
Are you kidding? Ricky Nelson?
Oh. Your boyfriend.
[ Gags ] I wish he was.
You mean you never heard of him?
Where do you come from, outer space?
No. I'm from Boston.
[ Snootily ] Oh... Boston.
Where's your home? - California.
Oh, I've seen movies of California. Is it a nice place to live?
Sensational. We got a ranch out in Carmel.
I got a picture. You wanna see it?
There. That's the house. Then the stables go off down there.
How lovely. - Oh, I got my own horse...
and everything.
We got a lake. You know, you could practically fall...
right out of the front door...
and go swimming anytime you want.
Who's this?
That's my dad. Isn't he dreamy?
[M Sharon ] He's very handsome.
Is it cold in here? - I'm hot.
Want a Fig Newton?
What's your pop like? I mean, is he a friend...
you could talk to...
or one of those busy types?
Well, I don't have a father actually.
Mummy and Daddy separated years ago.
She never mentions him now.
You know, it's scary the way nobody stays together...
anymore these days.
Pretty soon there's gonna be more divorces than marriages.
Isn't it the truth?
How old are you? - Thirteen.
So am I. I can't wait till I'm 18...
and get my own car and stay out dancing till midnight.
I'll be 14 November 12.
No kiddin'? That's my birthday too.
Isn't that peculiar? November 12?
Mm-hmm. Funny, isn't it?
Uh-oh, this one's full.
Hey, what do ya know, it's stopped raining.
[M Birds Twittering ]
What is your mother like?
I can't remember her. - Did she die?
Nope. Busted up with Dad when I was young.
But she was fabulous. Absolutely fabulous.
How do you know? - There used to be a picture...
of her on Daddy's desk.
But once he caught me looking at it, and it's...
never been around since.
Hey, you wanna come to the commissary...
and get a popsicle with me?
Can you only think about your stomach...
at a time like this?
At a time like what?
Don't you feel it? Don't you know what's happening?
Don't you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike...
and have the same birthday?
It's just one of those things, isn't it?
Will you come inside a minute... please?
Mother always says I'm psychic;
you know, that I can sense things when something odd...
is going to happen.
I always get goose bumps. Look.
So what?
I don't understand.
What are you doing with her picture?
It's my mother.
But it's my mother too.
???? [M Reveille ]...
[M Girls Chattering ]
Uh... lunch.
You go.
I'm not hungry.
I hope we have chicken tonight because I really like that,
[ Crying ]...
[ Gasps ]
I didn't know what to say.
I know. I didn't either.
Golly, sisters.
You know what probably happened.
They must've quarrelled and parted...
and just sort of... bisected us, each taking one of us.
Why do you suppose they separated?
I don't know. I can't imagine anyone not loving Mother.
She's absolutely divine.
Well, what about Dad? He's a sensational person.
I mean, as a friend and all.
The thing is... that neither of them got married again.
You see what that means?
Not really. - Secretly, in their...
innermost hearts,
they must still be in love with each other.
Then why have they stayed separated all these years?
Because that's how true love creates its beautiful agony.
All splendid lovers have just dreadful times.
Uh... Peleus and Melisande, Daphnis and Chloe.
History's just jammed with stories of lovers...
parted by some silly thing.
Uh-oh.
Oh.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, boy. Oh, my gosh. Oh....
What's the matter? - Uh--
You wanna meet Father and I'm just dying to know Mother.
Well, what if--
Oh, my gosh. It just seems so scary that...
we might be able to pull it off.
Pull what off?
Switch places. - Switch?
We could do it. We're twins, aren't we?
Oh, I want to know Mother. Look, now I'm getting...
goose bumps.
Me too.
You know something, there's more to it...
than just switching places.
I believe fate brought us together. - How so?
If we switched, sooner or later they'd have to unswitch us.
Mother would have to bring me to California to unmix us.
And they'd have to meet again. - Face to face.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Exactly.
Let's get to work.
Hmm? - It's amazing.
Now, I think you should wear this one when...
you go to meet Dad.
Oh, this is gorgeous. Oh, I'm going to wear this...
one when I go to Boston.
Oh, I adore it.
Now, Susan, will you pay attention.
Now the music room and the library are on the first floor.
Now your room is the second door on the second floor on the left.
all right?
Now, the horse's name is Schotzli and the dog is Andromeda.
Verbena collects the dirty laundry every Monday.
[M Girls Chattering ] - Sharon, will you pay attention.
Now, except for the dirty socks;
those are Thursday.
Oh, yeah. My favorite food is chili beans.
Oh, and you gotta chew gum 'cause I always chews gum.
Um, flat 'A's', you must remember...
all your 'A's' are flat.
Uh, talk fast, you know, 'cause everybody talks fast. And--
But I never bite my nails.
Sharon, ya gotta. I always chew mine.
Anyhow, Dad'll know.
Go on, bite 'em,
Can't. Shan't. Aunt. Hmm?
No, no.'Ca-un't.' 'Sha-un't.' 'Au-unt.'
'Ca-un't.' 'Sha-un't.' 'Au-unt.'
Ooh, I can't wait till camp is over. - 'Ca-un't' wait.
Okay, I 'ca-un't' wait.
[ Girls Saying Good-bye ]...
Daddy, he doesn't smell at all. - You're not gonna take...
it home, and that's it.
Oh, Daddy, you're so mean. He's so cute.
She's not gonna take it home.
Ah, you big meany. I spent so much time to get him.
Ahh, baby.
[ Chattering ]
It's got to be done methodically.
Remember the key: recollection and memory.
Get her talking about how her and Daddy first met.
And their first date.
Find out about that first date. - [M Miss Inch ] Sharon.
That's you now. - Oh, yes, coming.
Now, look, the most important thing: you must bring Mother...
to California.
Boston is no place to rekindle a romance.
[M Miss Inch ] Sharon McKendrick.
Good-bye, girls. Good-bye. Sharon McKendrick.
Your chauffeur's waiting for you, dear, Now hurry,
The punishment was harsh, I know, putting you two girls together,
but you've survived it, and I hope you've both learned...
something from the experience.
Oh, boy, you'd be surprised, Miss Inch.
[ Chuckles ]
Yes. Well, good-bye, Sharon. See you next summer.
Good-bye, Miss Inch. Oh, uh...
I 'ca-un't' tell you how very much
I've enjoyed my stay.
I 'sha-un't' tell my 'au-unt' about the 'au-unts'-- uh, ants,
nor the debutantes, shall I?
[ Chuckles ] Bye.
What did you do to your hair? - Oh, I cut it. It was too hot long.
You wait till your grandmother sees what you've done.
Hmph.
[M Car Door Closes ]
Miss Lockness, Betina, upstairs, third door to the left.
Oh, what's her name? Miss--...
[M Car Door Closes ]...
[ Sighs ] Oh, well here goes nothin'.
What?
[M Woman ] For the white wine--...
and with the meat.
Do we have any more of-- [M Muttering ]
I think we better have cloakroom tickets...
for the ladies' wraps as well.
Oh, Rosa, I want all the gilt chairs in the music room, and do...
see that they're well dusted.
[M Maid ] Mrs, McKendrick, you asked me to remind you--
Oh, yes, yes, yes,
Do see that the maids keep absolutely quiet...
during the music.
If they must empty the ash trays, tell them...
to do it without clinking.
I'll see to it. - I want those Steinways at the...
north end of the music room.
Have you checked about delivery? - I'll see about it right now.
Now, I'll tell you what. - Well, you're home from camp, are you?
Hello, Miss Lockness. - Did you bring home all your...
underwear and personal things?
Yes, it's in my luggage. Staimes has it.
It's probably full of germs.
What have you done to your hair? - Do you like it?
Wait till your grandmother sees what you've done.
Who is that I hear out there?
Is that my little girl?
The tall, gangly thing?
Hi, Grandfather. - Hello, sweetheart.
Oh, my, my, my.
Oh, well, well, well. Let me look at you.
[ Chuckles ]
Have you had-- Well, what's the matter, dear?
I'm just happy to see you. - Ah, and I'm happy to see you too.
I'll tell you, your grandpa missed you...
around here.
You know, it was an awful-- [ Stammering ]
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. What are you doing?
Making a memory.
Making a memory? - Mm-hmm.
All my life, years from now when I'm quite grown up.
I'll remember my grandfather and how he always smelled of--...
[ Sniffing ] tobacco and peppermint.
Smelled of tobacco and pepper-- [ Chuckling ]
Well, I'll tell you what. I use the peppermint...
for my indigestion,
and the tobacco-- [ Clears Throat ]...
to make your grandmother mad.
[ Laughing ]
Sharon. Sharon.
Welcome home, darling,...
Mother. - Oh, darling. It's so good...
to have you home.
Let me take a look at--
What on earth have you done to your hair?
I cut it. - Well, that's certainly obvious.
I thought there was something different.
Well, what's done is done. At least it'll grow again.
What's the matter, Sharon?
Are those tears I see?
I can't help it, Mother.
If only you knew. - Knew what?
Why, Sharon. When did you get back?
Hi, Granny. - She just arrived.
Doesn't she look wonderful?
Ye-- My dear child, what have you done to your hair?
She cut it. - Well, I had to because--
If my opinion means anything in this house, which I doubt.
I like it short the way it is.
Charles, stop burbling. - I haven't burbled in years and--
Go down to your office and read your newspaper.
See you at dinner.
Bye. - Oh, now really, Mother.
it doesn't look so bad.
It's hoydenish. Are you a boy or a girl?
Make up your mind.
What's that? - Oh, it's a present
I brought for you.
We made it-- I mean, I made it.
especially for you.
Thank you, dear. What is it?
It's a bird cage made out of popsicle sticks.
Oh, come on upstairs with me while I finish getting dressed.
See you later.
[ Chuckles ]...
Did you make some nice friends at camp?
Oh, yes, one girl in particular.
Who is she? - Oh, just a girl.
From Boston? - No, just a girl from someplace.
My goodness, you're beautiful.
[ Exhales ] Well, what's the matter?
You're staring at me as if you'd never seen me before.
Oh, I don't know.
I'm just happy you're here and that you're you.
Well, I'm happy that you're here and you're you.
Now, be a good girl, fasten me up.
Did you miss me? - Mm-hmm. Did you miss me?
[ Chuckles ] You'll never know.
I'll see you at the Somerset Club after my garden club...
meeting. Stand up, child.
Don't slouch. I hope you haven't picked up bad habits...
at that camp of yours.
Keep your shoulders straight. See you at the Somerset, Margaret.
Yes, Mother.
Now-- Well, what's the frown for?
I just got back and you've got all those meetings and things.
Well, I thought we could spend the day together and talk.
Oh, we have the whole weekend to talk. And you know that
I cannot cancel the Red Cross.
[ Sighs ]...
[ Sighs ] Well, what I have to say can wait.
Yes, dear?
I just wanted to have a little woman-to-woman...
talk with you about Stafford.
Stafford? Who's Stafford?
Oh, this boy I met at camp. I just wanted your advice...
on something.
Yes? On what?
Well, uh...
I wanted you to tell me how long you waited...
before you got married.
Sharon.
Oh, Lockness. - Yes, Miss Margaret?
Please tell my mother that I won't be able to meet her, and...
cancel all of my appointments.
Cancel them? - Yes. Something very...
important has come up.
Yes, Miss Margaret.
Sharon, what I'm trying to say is that...
the decision to marry...
is something best considered after you've lived...
a little bit longer.
Mother, you're perfectly right. Stafford was much...
too juvenile for me.
Well, thank goodness for that.
To be perfectly frank with you, the old zing just wasn't there.
Zing?
You know, the charge that shoots up your spine when you meet...
the one man you wanna marry.
Like when you met Daddy.
[ Sighs ] What was Daddy like?
Well... I don't know how we got around to him.
Is it terribly painful for you to talk about Daddy?
No. Why should it be?
I don't know.
Well, I thought, maybe when you've been in love...
with somebody once,
well, the recollection and memory might be bitter--...
bitterly painful.
Oh, Sharon, that was many, many years ago.
Don't dramatize it.
Where did he take you on your very first date?
He-- He took me to dinner.
It was an Italian restaurant. One of those down in those...
old basements in New York.
It was called Mar-- Martinelli's.
Martinelli's? - Yes.
Hmm.
You said there was music. - Uh-huh.
What song did they play? - Song?
Oh, there must've been a song. You know, the old 'They're...
playing our song' type of thing.
Oh. Well, if there was, I wouldn't remember it.
It was much too long ago. - Oh.
?? La-di-dom Ba-dee??
? La-di-dom La-di?
? La-di La-di-dom?
? La-da?
? Though time may tatter?
? Our first sweet thrill?
?? It doesn't matter??
? It never will?
? La-di-dom La-di?
?? La-di-dom Ba-dom??
? La-di La-di-dom?
? La-da??
[M People Chattering ]
Susie.
Hi, peanut. - Hi, Dad.
Well, how was the camp? - Fine.
No broken bones or anything? - Mm-mm.
No. Come on, let's get the bags, honey.
Here's my baggage check. - Oh, boy, are you...
still biting your nails?
Oh, you noticed. She told me that you--...
[ Chuckles ] - What?
Nothing.
Well, I certainly did enjoy all those nice long.
newsy letters, yes, sir.
Oh, that. Well, we meant to write,
but we just got so tied up with-- with plans and things,
you know, well we--...
Who's 'we'? - Uh, uh.
Us. I mean, I.
Oh, us, There was a very nice girl there.
We became quite good friends.
Oh, that's mine. That's my... bag.
Mm-hmm.
Glad to be home, huh?
It's wonderful. Were you lonely while I was gone?
I cried myself to sleep every night about the first week--
No, no, seriously.
Well, seriously, I got to play golf every day.
I played poker at night.
I wish I could find one of these camps where...
they keep you all winter.
Ho-ho. - Ho-ho.
It's good to have you home, goofy.
Uh, Susie, there's, uh... been a lot of things...
happening since you left.
And I think we ought to have a little quiet talk sometime.
Oh, sure. I have some things I wanna talk over with you too.
Oh, you have, huh?
Mm-hmm, but not now. - Okay.
Now I just wanna think about getting home...
and being with my father.
My very 'o-own fa-ather'.
'O-own fa-ather'?
[ Chuckles ] Father. - Father.
[ Horn Honking ]
Oh, Daddy, it's beautiful.
Well, it's just about the same. You didn't think it was...
gonna change, did ya? Hecky.
[M Man ] Ho. - Look.
Ah, shoo, shoo. What have you got there...
with ya, Mitch?
Hi, Hecky. - How are you, darlin'?
What'd you have to bring this kid back for?
I thought we got rid of her.
Well, she was hanging around the airport, I thought
I might as well get her,
[ Mock Chuckle ] How was camp?
Oh, swell.
For heaven sakes, it's about time. We've been...
waitin' for you all day.
Hi, Verbena. - Never mind that 'hi'talk.
You just give me a hug.
Oh. Hello, honey. Let me get a look at you.
Ya-- Ya know, there-- there's a change in you.
Just the same as I always was.
No. No, you're not. I--...
[ Growling ] - Not quite sure what it is.
Hi, Andromeda. - [ Barking ]...
Stop that, Andromeda. What's wrong with you?
[M Growling ]
You crazy dog. It's Susie, ya silly.
Well, it's almost as if your own dog didn't know you.
[ Chuckles ] Funny, isn't it?
Uh, dogs are funny things.
Well, I guess I'll go up to my room and put some of those--...
Come on, we'll get you unpacked while you tell me about camp.
Coming.
Tell me about all the things you did at that camp, I wanna get...
that laundry of yours too.
Come down when you get through. Somebody I want you to meet.
All right.
Be down in a minute. - [M Woman ] Hello, darling,
Mitch, I was wondering when you'd get back, I was beginning...
to get so bored sitting here.
Well, did you tell her anything about us?
Good to be home again? - Sure is.
Verbena, there's a woman downstairs.
Mm-hmm. There is indeed.
Well, who is she? What is she doing here?
I'm not saying a word. I mind my own business.
Except if he wants to make a ninny of himself, that's his...
affair. I don't say a word.
Well, how did she get here? - It's none of my never mind.
I don't say a word.
Except a man like your father with a grown daughter...
going on 14--
He's not what you'd call one of those...
'charm fellows'...
with a big, teethy grin and-- and a lot of...
artistic clever talk.
What does a young girl like her see in him?
I don't know.
I'll give you a million reasons and he's got 'em right in the bank.
[ Sighs ] 'It was always thus.'
What was always thus?
I'm not sayin' a word.
I'm not one to talk about anybody behind their back.
But she's good. She's awful good.
Those cool blue eyes lookin' right through you.
Calm, that one.
Go ridin' together, swimmin' together, out to dinner every night.
But it's none of my business, understand, That's why
I'm not sayin'a word.
Not one single word. Besides, I don't think...
you oughta talk about people--
Hi, Susie. We were just talking about you.
Uh, this is Miss Robinson.
How do you do? - Hello, darling.
I've been looking forward to meeting you...
for just weeks now.
From the way your father talked, I expected a little girl,
but you're practically a woman.
I'm nearly 14 - Say, I think I'll go and make...
martinis. You want one?
Oh, I'd love one. - Uh, how about you, honey?
You want root beer, ginger ale?
Could I have a ginger ale? - Sure. You get acquainted.
I'll be just a minute.
Your father tells me you were at camp, dear. Was it fun?
Yes, it was lovely. Thank you.
You know, ever since I met your father, it's been...
'Susan this' and 'Susan that.'
You're obviously very good friends, and I think...
that's just wonderful.
I can, uh, tell you something else too...
if you can keep a secret.
From whom? - From your father.
Oh, then you better not tell me.
Daddy and I don't keep secrets from one another.
We tell each other everything.
Oh, well, no, dear. It wasn't that kind of a secret.
I just wanted to confide in you that I find him a very special.
wonderful kind of person.
Well, just between us,
he's not too brilliant or clever with what he says,
you know, like the 'charm fellows' we all adore so.
We were riding the other day. Your father let me ride Schotzli.
I understand she's your horse.
I hope you don't mind my riding her.
Oh, no.
Schotzli and I are used to strange women riding her.
What? - Oh, you know Daddy.
He's always playing the field.
No, I didn't know. - Oh, yes.
Every week mostly, he has some different...
dame up here.
One week, I'll never forget,
he had five different women up here.
You don't say. - Of course, it's none...
of my business...
if he wants to make a ninny of himself with all those women.
That's why I'm not saying a word. Not one single word.
Here you are. Now, did you two...
get to know each other?
Yes.
We had a lovely little talk.
[ Alarm Ringing ]...
[ Ringing ] - Hello?
[ Operator] Miss Susan Evers?
Yes, this is her.
[ Operator] Go ahead, please. - Sue, it's Sharon. How's everything?
Ooh, Mother's the absolute living end. She's gorgeous.
Just breathtaking.
I got to talk to you about their first date.
Susan--...
Italian dinner, drippy candles, checkered tablecloth--
Susan, will you listen?
Ooh, I got their song. It goes like this.
? For now, for always?
Susan, I've got something to tell you.
? La-la, la-la, la--??
Susan. - What?
We're in trouble. You'll have to bring
Mother out immediately.
No. Holy smokes, I just had one day with her.
I hardly got to know her at all.
Susan, it's an emergency. There's a woman out here.
Huh?
Her name's Vicky, and she's beautiful.
Oh, is that all? Don't be silly. Dad'd never get serious.
But he's serious about this one. He's trying to get Vicky and me...
to be friends. She's dangerous.
Well, bust it up, for heaven sakes.
Follow him wherever he goes and submarine her.
You've got to tell Mother and come out here to help.
I want some more time with her.
You've had her for 13 years, and I just got here.
Susan.
I won't. Do the best you can and stay on
Daddy's tail. That's all.
Susan, please. - I won't give up Mother...
this soon and that's final.
Good-bye. - Susan.
[ Sighs ]
I'm glad you could come along today, honey, because there's...
something I wanna talk about.
It's kind of important. - Oh, what is it?
Well, you know the girl you met at the house, Vicky?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I thought that we ought to be alone a little while...
so we could talk.
Well, I wanted to talk to you about something too, Dad.
Oh? Okay, go ahead.
All those weeks at camp, I've been wondering about my mother.
You what? What do you wanna start wondering about...
something like that for?
Well, it's a perfectly natural thing for a girl...
to do. Where is she?
Well, I don't know where she is. How should I know?
Last thing I heard, she went to Spain and married some drunk.
Daddy, that's not true. Stop.
All right. I lost track. You wouldn't like her anyway, hon.
She's-- These big staring eyes and red frizzy hair.
And besides, she was fat, really fat.
Then why did you fall in love with her?
Well, you know, you lose your head sometimes.
Besides that-- Wait just a minute.
Hey, Fletcher, play on through. I'll pick you up at the bar.
Well, sit down.
[ Clears Throat ] Honey, you don't wanna start thinkin' about...
your mother all of a sudden.
There's a-- Well, there's no need for that.
You can always come and talk to me about anything.
You always have.
Well, it's not the same. Well, father and daughter is okay.
But when a girl gets to a certain age,
that's when she really misses her mother.
Why? I mean, uh--
Oh, you mean the talk about... certain things?
Yeah. - That?
[ Inhales ] I guess we never have just sat down and...
talked about that, have we?
Well, this is kind of an odd place, but I guess...
it's as good as any.
Um-- Well, we might as well get it over with. Uh--...
How-- How much do you know now already?
About what?
About what you were just talking about?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Nothing? - Well, you never brought up...
the subject and I wondered why.
[ Inhales, Exhales ]
Well, honey, um--
All right, we oughta get straight on one thing first;
that's little boys.
How-- See, I know how they are because...
being a man I used to be a little boy once, so I know.
I don't know what--
Take my word for it because I used to be a little boy one time...
and I know. I know about it.
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Daddy.
You're too funny for words. - What do you mean, 'funny'?
Well, I've known about all that for simply years.
Well, what the heck were we just talking about then?
Well, what were you talking about?
Well, uh--...
[ Sighs ] I think I better go and putt out.
There's the little beast now.
Why, she's nothing but a child.
She's a conniving, vicious, little two-faced brat.
Just smile, pet.
Think of California and that wonderful community property law...
and just smile.
Hi. - Hello, Mitch, darling.
Hi, Edna. - Who is this ecstatic,
bright-eyed child?
Oh, Mitch, this couldn't be-- - Sure, that's Susie.
Honey, this is Vicky's mother, Mrs. Robinson.
How do you do?
This angelic girl? This is the one you call 'peanut face'?
Oh, Daddy, really.
Now, you come right over here to your Auntie Edna...
and you and I are gonna get to know one another.
[ Giggles ]
Come on, I wanna hear all about ya. Down ya go.
Hi. - Did you tell her?
[M Edna Chattering Nonstop ] - Well, I started to, and
I don't know what happened.
Oh, Mitch, for-- - All right, just let me do it...
in my own way. All right?
Now, it's all settled,
Susan and I have decided we're all gonna have...
a darling lunch right here.
Edna, I'm sorry. I don't think we can today. I promised to...
spend the whole day with Susie.
We've got some stuff planned, you know?
Ahh.
I'm terribly sorry. - Oh, that's all right.
Another time, dear.
[ Chuckles ] You're an adorable thing.
Come on, Susie, We'll get the horses, We're gonna...
take a ride down the beach.
Have fun. - Bye, darling.
First change I make in that household, off she goes to a...
boarding school in Switzerland.
Honey, listen, uh... I've been meaning to ask you.
what do you think of Vicky?
Uh... in what respect?
Well, uh,,, it's just an ordinary question.
No, it's not. You ask me what I think of Vicky.
Well, what do I think of Vicky as what?
I mean, if you ask me what did I think of her...
as a fashion model...
or a famous aviatrix or something,
then maybe I'd express some sort of opinion,
but just to ask--...
[ Clears Throat ] All right. Uh...
what do you think of Vicky as a person?
[ Chuckles ] Well, Daddy, I really couldn't say.
She's a perfect stranger to me.
Beat you back to the house. - Hey, wait a minute, Susie. Susie.
Hey, I'm not through talkin' to you.
[M Car Horn Honks ]
Hi, darling.
Hi. - Hello, sweetie.
[ Sighs ]
He can't. He just can't.
Oh, it just makes me so mad,
A man of his age.
All the work and the plans.
Hi.
You used to confide in me.
Anything you wanna talk over with me?
No.
You wouldn't like to tell me why Andromeda...
never comes near ya?
[ Chuckles ]
Or why suddenly your appetite's changed?
[ Chuckles ] Dear Verbena, you are a mystic.
Mystic? I'm no mystic.
Well, asking me all these crazy questions.
Gee, I don't know what you're getting at.
You know what I'm talking about. There--
There's something very strange about you.
Are you sure there isn't anything you wanna tell me?
What do you want me to tell you?
Well, I don't know. It's... almost as if you were--
No, that's impossible.
Almost as if I were who, Verbena?
Oh, forget it, honey. Never mind.
You mean Sharon?
Where did you hear about her?
Oh, Verbena.
I've got to tell someone. But you gotta swear...
never to tell Daddy.
Promise?
Now, darling, try to be diplomatic.
Honey, I know how to talk to my own daughter.
Calmly.
She's 14 years old. She's not exactly insensitive.
Good luck.
Susan.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Just getting back? - Uh-huh. Now, just a minute.
I wanna talk to you.
You didn't know what a good thing you had when you had it.
Huh?
Susie.
?? [ Piano ] - Now, why'd you go...
running off like that?
I told you I wanted to talk to you about something......I'm listening.