You can throw a fast one.
kitten?
Oh, why, yes, of course, boys.
I'll leave the front door open, and you can all troop in and give me a jab.
Not up to it, then?
You innocent, shovel-wielding, horny-handed sod.
people munchkin.
people Patrick Braden...
Saint Kitten...
lit by a halo of flashbulbs...
as, "Oh!" she shrieked, “I told you, from my best side, darlings."
I was born, you see, munchkin...
in a small town near the Irish border.
I was left in a basket on a certain doorstep...
and only the robins knew why.
busybodies.
behind
Uh-oh, behind
This like
Father? cream.
I suppose it's Christmas morning, all.
Is your breakfast all right?
Well, I'll get ready for Mass, so. God bless.
himself lately,
himself at all... - Since the blonde housekeeper left
like the film star... bubble-cut curls
Mitzi Gaynor!
- Just the job.
pink. - Yes.
What a charming atmosphere you have here.
- Thank you. - Will you have a love seat?
The love seat? Why not?
Mr. Lovejoy will see you in a moment.
congratulating of our happy couples.
encouraging. - Yes.
Perhaps you'd like a glass of champers?
talking. - 0r...
- a piece of wedding cake?
My good shoes! My good shoes, you little brat!
Do it harder, Mammy. Teach him not to wear my dress again.
He'll make a disgrace of us? Well, you'll not!
Do you really have to?
I'll march you up and down the street and disgrace you in front of the whole town.
Hit him Give him again!
- Say, "I girl." I'm girl.
- boy. I'm girl." - I'm a boy, girl.
Say it right.
Make him say it right, Ma.
My heart broke from the cursed day I ever took you in.
A short one by Gareth Carey, up along the far wing to Tony Haddon.
Tony Haddon, the....
Alfred Whitney.
Well down over his eyes is Nick Brady.
Who's got it? Reid Morgan.
35-yard...
Brother Barnabas he'll try you football team...
and I want you to read this.
Heading right, itis...
Paddy Gardy.
Paddy Gardy took one from this side.
It had a curl on it, and one had to wait until the umpires gave their decision...
as to whether it was in or not. If was.
And I call my mother names.
Well, you know, you shouldn't do that, my son.
What do you call her?
Hairy Arse.
Hairy Bockedy Cunthooks.
You must not proceed.
You must not curse. If you curse, you'll be exterminated.
You've earthling. must
- Yes, shoot!
- Lawrence, come on. - Not now, I'm busy. I'm busy.
on. - I'm busy.
figaly I'm dead.
Die for Ireland?
I'm sorry, but it appeared to me...
had taken leave of their senses.
playing Braden?
play! Ireland. Earthling,
Well, Englishman, a bullet,
up is the dashing Feely...
sporting sunglasses by Gucci.
Madam.
himself.
- Your will in a while. - Oh.
Patrick household?
well, Mr. Feely.
Especially my mother,
something, Patrick?
Hairy Arse Braden tells me every day.
Patrick, now....
I'm sorry, Mr. Feely.
You know, I saw her once, your real mother...
It was in London.
I was McQuillan.
I through Piccadilly...
by, Eily Bergin.
Lovely as the day she left, I swear it to God.
I her, Patrick, didn't hear.
London swallowed her up.
beautiful girl in the town.
Biggest city in the world...
it swallowed my mother up.
What about my father, Mr. Feely?
I wouldn't son. Things be complicated, know.
What did she look like?
Mitzi Gaynor, son.
That's who she looked like, Mitzi.
Mitzi Gaynor.
Well, fuck me pink with a hairy arse!
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.
You upon a time...
girl Eily Bergin...
unlike film Mitzi Gaynor...
who sang I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair.
biggest city in the world...
which up.
before vanished...
I think she worked as a priest's housekeeper, Father.
But I could be wrong there, couldn't I?
I mean, I could be wrong. After all, I....
All I wanted was her address.
and the Apennines, boys...
the climate is always the same.
landscape changes...
and in country like this you can stop along any road for a moment...
in the middle of maize and hemp...
immediately is born.
Now, when you're writing your essay for me this morning...
it takes is up to you.
It "I Fought in Rising"...
“l Girlfriend"...
or even "A Day in the Life of an Old Boot".
You've got one hour, so learn to write.
"God bless us.
"It's yourself"...
- God bless us. It's yourself, ma'am. - It is indeed, Father.
as he opened the door...
to a young woman...
a startling resemblance...
Mitzi
for Mrs. McGlynn?
I am indeed, Father.
Destroyed lumbago, Destroyed,
But sure she'll be back on her feet soon, please God.
Please God she will, now.
tell me this...
I begun to dote...
remind special?
When she sensed a movement...
Oh, Father, please, how could 1?
When I've gone out of my way...
your naughty poopster is...
slightest encouragement...
only too up to mischief...
Naughty dicky...
to camouflage myself and look like any ordinary old curate's drudge.
"And definitely not...
perfume-sprayed vision...
“named Mitzi Gaynor...
a bubble-cut curls...
“that would make any man's privates go sprong."
standard uniform, Father.
with the bow at the back...
the tan stockings, color of stale tea...
which says to all them Mickies...
whose duty it is to stay inside and wear black serge...
“No Mickies today.
"Down, boys. That's it, my sweets, off with you and say your prayers.”
Father?
By God, and now you're talking.
Mickey is devious...
and no matter how much you tell him...
simply won't
But drab old housecoats...
stockings might down...
if it wasn't for that pesky spot
this is powerful altogether.
I would do jail for another rasher.
I'll fry you this minute, Father.
Come here till I tell you. Did you hear the one about peanuts at confession?
No, Father. At least I don't think so.
Says the priest to the young fellow, "Did you throw peanuts in the river, too?"
To which the young lad says, "No, Father, I am Peanuts.”
a funny joke...
laughed laughed.
In fact, you could say she laughed until she cried.
My skirt and housecoat are riding up.
Better abort this task at once...
exploding clergyman filling the air energy.
wings in miracle.
by his skirts."
Now, Father, is this another joke?
hurt, Father.
Frank Sinatra wouldn't do this, Father. Neither
I'm all wet, Father.
Father?
playing squidgy my Fairy Liquid?
But she was soon to realize...
it wasn't Liquid playing
No...
it wasn't Liquid
"...privates go sprong.”
"Privates go..."
I "develop your literary skills"...
I did not, repeat, not, mean this.
Why did you write it?
I thought there was a moral, sir. if you will.
Young girls in danger.
Get out of this classroom, Braden! To the Dean's office!
Hello, class. My name is Miss Kitten...
and I'd like to tell you about the perils
especially when you look like Mitzi Gaynor.
Hands up who can tell me who Mitzi Gaynor is.
Patrick, your side.
We're here to help you. I don't think you understand that.
Well, no, you're wrong, Father. I do.
if you can think of anything us well...
Well...
there is one thing, Father.
- Instead of PE... Yeah.
wl
think you...
knuckle apply
Patrick?
Oh, and you can call me Kitten, Father.
Kitten?
Yes, Patrick Saint Kitten.
Well, now, Saint Patrick.
but there was a Saint Cettin, Father...
and some have been known to call him...
or was it a her...
Kitten.
Saint Kitten?
He or she was an acolyte of Saint Patrick.
Saint Patrick, actually. hairy
ruined her complexion.
your sister, Patrick?
Oh, she really needs a bit of glamour in her life, Mrs. Coyle.
But then again, don't we all?
Minister Channon...
visiting there...
for the second time inside a month.
Mammy, I'm exhausted.
At least you have a job...
which is more than that waster yonder is ever likely to have.
Now, complaint school...
and it'll not be good for you, by Christ, it'll not.
and a cup of coffee?
Price of the dance and a cup of coffee?
Well, do you think I'm made of money?
Do you think I'm made of money?
Will you just hand over the cash?
Will you just money...
blathering, whiskery
Here. And don't ask me again.
Well, thank you so much, Mammy. Thank you so much.
I'm not obliged to give you any reasons, but I'll give you two anyway.
Him her.
Don't have to stand for this, do we, Paddy?
Paddy's Well, number three.
- Did you ever ride a man, Lukie? - No, but I rode a man that did.
Fuck you.
Evening.
Mikey, go get the lads.
I'm warning you, get out of here!
Fuck them and their Rob Strong. We'll go to the glen.
Excuse me. Can we have a lift?
Get on.
man. like Knights.
all space-time continuum.
- Open his eyes.
- What do you see, bro?
talking.
Gotta get behind the surface.
Yes, surface.
I see four fields, Brits in one of them.
- Not for fucking long. - Hey, man.
Knights them.
highway.
So why do you call yourselves the Border Knights?
only border that matters...
is the one between what's in front...
and what you've left behind.
When I ride my hog, you think I'm riding the road?
No way, man.
I'm traveling from the past into the future with a druid at my back.
Druid man or druid woman? That doesn't matter.
What matters is the journey.
- You know where it goes, baby?
We'll visit the stars and journey to Mars
Finding
Pluto
Pluto?
dog. planet.
Lowell William H. Pickering...
invisible king underworld.
You think
Joseph. Joseph Hanratty.
In your fucking...
Now, girls...
a retreat is time for prayer and reflection.
noticed your are...
through changes...
and I would like you to feel free to approach us...
problem you.
So, I will leave this problem box...
here by the altar rails.
problem precluded.
After all, that is why we are here.
Now, does everyone remember last week we were talking about....
You'll my into disrepute,
Sir, hurting
paper, Patrick? - Nothing.
Nothing.
Just, change?
Disgraced!
Disgraced in front of the whole town,
Paddy? Mammy has a bad heart!
- Oh, God, oh, God!
Oh, Jesus Christ. My arm!
- She's not my mammy.
I'm sorry, Caz. Sorry, Mammy, wherever you are.
Patrick,
Why won't you stop it and let us get on with our lives?
I'm sorry, Caz. I never meant to hurt you.
- After all, we've both been through this--
Get your hands off me, you creature!
Oh, figgly boogles. What's the point?
That's it, I've tried my best. I'm off.
Scotsfield,
playing tonight. Get in the back.
think of this up North?
I think it's an absolute terror. - Do you think so, yeah?
Oh, I do it. A terror to the living world, so it is.
I think you either way...
my good-looking friend.
No, I know how serious it is.
They think they can break us, don't they?
Paddy ceiling. Fuck him helicopter.
Give him a dose of white noise.
Shove electrodes up his
- Now, really, Mr.-- - Hatchett. call me Billy Hatchett.
Pleased Mr. Hatchett.
You really don't know who I am, do you?
I haven't had the pleasure.
of Billy Hatchett and the Mohawks.
stay tonight, Paddy?
1 call you Patrick?
You can call darling.
Kitten?
Saint Cettin.
He or she was an acolyte of Patrick, Saint Patrick.
So you have somewhere to stay, then?
Mammy threw me out, I'm afraid.
Well, I could always put you up in the van.
much, but I could. - Mr. Hatchett!
Thank you.
You're welcome, Kitten.
I'll be off to the hotel, then, Kitten.
I'd night. I'd night, boys...
The boys might get the wrong idea.
No, I've gotta go.
- Oh, please don't go just yet.
Oh, Kitten. I gotta go. I really have.
Billy! Billy, Billy.
Bobby Goldsboro.
His wife dies. You see,
I've gotta go now. - Billy.
I really have.
If you band...
and you found me lying there...
like Bobby's wife...
hospital? I would.
Of course I would, Kitten.
Oh, I wish that could happen.
I've seen it all now. I tell you, I've fucking well seen it all now.
think he disappeared to...
when we were in San Francisco?
I'd even bring you flowers.
Billy.
Oh, Kitten.
Billy.
I Billy Bobby, nicest man...
Indian band without
"A
- Paddy Kitten. yours, darling?
I tell Paddy all right.
- What about Geronimo? - What would I know? I'm just a Mick.
Thirteen of your lot shot in Derry. know about that?
Maybe you'd know about thirteen less to deal with.
Fuck off, mate.
Fuck off.
stupid bitch.
Patrick, I don't know how to say this to you.
It's the boys, the boys in the band.
They feel a squaw just isn't working out.
It could be they have a point.
They say it doesn't feel right.
I don't know,
I'm sorry.
But I have a little proposal.
ring, perhaps? Patrick, Patrick....
I told you not to call me that.
I'm sorry, Kitten.
Bobby Billy, too?
You know I would.
- What kind would they be?
Street?
It was my mother's. She left it to me in her will.
Nobody I somebody Kitten.
- House of dreams and longing.
I wouldn't exactly call it a house, but tell us what you think.
Oh, to have a little house. To own the hearth, stool and all.
So, Kitten, can I come and visit you every now and again?
silly Bobby Goldsboro.
You don't even have to ask.
Well, icky-oakie
“What?
him nothing.
- Keep it that way. - No problem.
If I volunteer, Irwin, I pink
Can't you take anything serious?
serious, serious, serious.
You might enough.
I sell Republican
big deal. my fucking wife?
Don't you lie to me, Irwin. I don't believe your stories.
I'm involved in nothing! I sell their paper, for all the difference it makes in this kip.
Nobody
enough will.
If 1 find out you're lying to me, I'll finish with you, I swear!
Yeah, well, finish it with me, see if I fucking care!
road. There's a vehicle coming through.
Get back. It's for your own safety.
I want everyone fo move away from the red van!
it careful now. Yeah, gently.
Now let the Army go fo work.
- There may be other devices. - You're to get away now.
Clear this area for your own safety.
- It's a Dalek. Exterminate.
Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate. Exterminate.
Exterminate.
unto dust thou return...
until the Lord raises you up on the last day.
us pray for our brother our Christ...
“I am the resurrection, and the life.
"The man who believes in me will live even if he dies."
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come...
thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
Serious, serious.
Time cleaning.
Fuck.
Don't you know what this means?
guys are like, Paddy?
this us, Billy. - Shut up!
Jesus, what the fuck am I gonna do?
- Fucking - Tell I cleaning, darling.
are they, Paddy? Tell
Now, what is this you mean, my darling?
The guns, you little fucking whore,
The guns! It's all too fucking serious! Don't go fucking me around.
all sudden everybody's getting
Serious, serious, serious.
I'm Patrick!
«I told you to call me Kitten.
You don't know where I've gone.
And if they come, if they fucking come, you tell them nothing.
- l nothing. say, darling.
You're of your Patrick.
You don't know what you're dealing with. know.
Oh, I do. I know, all right.
I know you were only joking about the roses...
probably.
But it was nice while it lasted.
happy
happy now
your Republican friends
What the fuck are you talking about?
It had nothing to do with Republicans.
a southern town for, huh?
You hear me, Charlie?
And if you want out, just say so.
Open the door.
- l can't, go away. Come back in the morning. bitch! This is serious!
- Open - Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm coming.
- I'm afraid I don't understand.
The guns, nancy boy. Where did he put the guns?
Oh, yes, the guns.
Oh, Billy buried them outside just to be safe.
There's no fucking guns down here.
- I think they might just be... “The little cunt!
- He's taking the hand out of us. - ...over here.
I'll nut him! I I'll nut him!
Say goodbye to my friends, will you?
lives in Sunbeam Heights Irwin's up
Irwin who?
Why, Irwin Kerr,
~The big-time Volunteer. Irwin
nothing. mind. Well, then.
Just do it. I've nothing left to live for in this stupid, serious world.
him.
Leave him be. He's not worth the bullet, the mental nancy boy.
Oh, what is it with nancy boys bothered killing them?
You kill I'm warning you.
Are you on dope or what?
Wish that I was, Mr. Killing Man. Why, do you have any?
You're of your sunshine.
Not that again. of your of your league.”
in your head. You're in your head."
Surely you've one bullet to spare
You hit us, we hit you.
simple. Right.
up border.
Bobby Anderson. Likes killing Catholics.
It'll be the last fucking bomb he'll make.
Turn the lights off. it running.
Oh, Lord.
Get us the fuck out of here, will you?
smell? himself.
You
What do you think you are, What the fuck do you think this is?
Tell me you're not serious.
You see, there is that word again.
know a soul in Paddy.
There's only one soul I need, Charlie.
You really think you'll find
How many Eily Bergins can there be?
Maybe changed
She won't have changed her eyes, Irwin.
How will you get by?
Saint Anthony will guide
The thing is, you come to the city that never sleeps...
and you think it's open all the time, but it does sleep.
Excuse
Of course it does.
I'm my mother, Eily Bergin. Lady.
I've just got two Bergins for 1956.
Bergin, Bergin a simple initial E.
Well, that's her. I mean, it has to be one of them.
One's from Aldgate and the other's from East London.
Will you be going back home
Maybe she'll come with me.
- And, son, will you promise me something? Yes.
- Take of yourself. I will, Mrs. Henderson.
Thank you.
they knocked those houses down years ago.
I'm....
himself.
About time,
This is showbiz, kid. You gotta be on the ball.
You try Stephenson, now,
Stephenson?
thinks in RAF, my In him RAF.
You're Irish, - Tyreelin, County Cavan.
Well County Cavan...
give us a song and you're home and dry.
Underground, overground, wombling
Wimbledon
I'm in.
Right. Hop, one. Hop, two. Hop, one, two, three.
Flap,
Go, go on. Hop, hop one, hop two, hop one, two, three.
Flap, flap, flap. Right, ready?
Right, hop one, hop two.
For fuck's sake, will you hop right? One, two, three.
Hop one, hop two. Hop, one, two, three.
Flap, flap. Flap it out, flap it out.
Sell it to me.
Overground, underground, wombling
Wimbledon
Give him the drill,
Enough already. You Capisce?
1 gotta wheel.
Every morning,
Bulgaria?
I before, your responsibility.
You're
Well, this.... Fuck! - Fuck!
In RAF.
I broke no fucking mallet!
- I broke no fucking mallet!
Put that down!
I'll break it across your back, you bollocks!
I'l it...
"You broke the mallet," he says.
“I'll have to dock it from your pay." I broke no fucking mallet.
You fucked me one last time.
RAF, my bollocks! That's the end of the line!
Enough of that, John Joe.
motherfucker.
You don't know what you're dealing with here!
Back in the can,
"Stay away, man. He's out where the buses don't run!"
You're out of your friend. again.
You have to show them where you stand.
They fuck with you, you fuck with them.
You fuck them so bad you make them wish they'd never been born.
- You - I'd Babycham.
You got it, kemo sabe.
Tommy, Babycham, Powers.
Two weeks" severance, in the paw.
You fuck with John Joe Kenny, that's one time you fuck too many.
from Cavan.
where's Cavan?
Monaghan.
I'm going for a womble. If you want to come, give us a shout,
Really, Uncle
Underground, overground, wombling
Wimbledon
Underground, overground, wombling
I was a Womble one time. Did you know that?
Hey, you can't sleep here, love.
Have you got a home to go to?
You outside.
Oh, I do believe I have a small, elfin dwelling on Wimbledon Common.
Oil
You doing business, do it somewhere else, love.
This pavement's got my name on it.
What, pray, is your name? Concrete?
My name is Scratch Your Eyes Out, Bite Your Bleeding Nose Off...
which is what I'll do if you don't get off my patch.
All right, lover?
She
no trouble at all. We were just exchanging names.
back!
And her name is Scratch Your Eyes Out and Bite Your Bleeding Nose Off.
my is Patricia Braden.
Pleased Patricia Braden.
Just what were you doing back there?
I was looking for the Phantom Lady.
You found the right street, then.
Why, it Street?
You could call it that. And just who is this Phantom Lady?
Well, it's my mother, really. I call her that.
To pretend happening
And why do you pretend that?
otherwise I might cry
If you cried, I'd make you stop.
kind, kind sir.
Yes, I'd definitely make you stop.
And just what is it you do, then?
this Showbiz, kind of. Singing.
- What do you like to sing about? «I sing about true love.
That's nice.
I thought I had, once.
Here's about true love.
Ever heard this one?
Nice, isn't it?
I just love love songs.
Take it off.
- Don't you like it? “Take it off, there's a good lad.
As you wish, sir.
- Now, comfortable? - Yes, sir.
Of course it is, my love-loving friend.
old-fashioned silk.
- Thank you.
beautiful.
- You like beautiful.
Like it?
from the hands of the beast...
in that worst of all fairy tales?
what saved Kitten...
was her precious perfume spray...
bought for £2.99 in Henry Street...
I'm interrupt...
but are you all right, miss?
Yes, fine, thank you.
Just tired after my hard day's work.
You have been sitting there for four hours now.
Yes, busy at my desk.
Busy at your desk?
Writing my little book.
Your little
Well, it's a...
thriller, sir.
About disappears.
May I ask what it's called?
Yes.
Footprints in
No, I'm only joking. It doesn't have a name yet...
because I don't know what's happen if the mystery is ever solved.
Lady.
"Phantom Lady."
No, her real name's Eily Bergin. She was my mother.
- Your Yeah.
to the city of all cities...
that never sleeps from dusk till dawn.
- So, you think she's here in London? - No, I know she's here in London.
Fantastic!
fantastic Eily Bergin.
I can't wait to hear the ending.
- I can't wait to hear that, either.
- So, are you a writer, too, then, sir?
something similar,
Something similar? I
You're a magician!
Bertie your
Now, the first thing that has to be said, Bertie dearest...
is "Margarine" Brando.
We all have our off days.
tell Phantom Lady.
Why? What's in it for me?
I'll take you to see my show.
Yes, the Phantom Lady.
Eily Bergin had just in Dublin...
and just realized that her boat didn't sail for another four hours.
behold, scratch.
Thank you, my dear.
Pick a card.
Come along, madam, pick a card.
Any card.
my God! blimey.
"Oh, my God" is right.
I do believe you've chosen the 101
Thank you, my dear, I'll take care of that.
Time,
The time.
Looks like it's up, you lovely people.
Come on, help me, please, my loves.
willing
lady.
behind beautiful
your lady? - Patricia Braden.
- And where are you from, my dear? - Ireland.
your Patricia.
The whole world is in there.
Tick-tock.
Swing-swong.
And, dare I say it...
ding-dong.
And let the great watch guide you.
our metropolis?
I'm my mammy.
Oh. Mummy go?
~The city swallowed her up.
Well, it will do that to people.
Patricia?
«I think I see your mother.
Why, down there by that table by the jukebox.
thoughts, Patricia...
she's not your mother, she's your great-aunt Ida.
That's your mother over there.
Mammy.
Actually...
Patricia, your cousin Ronnie, just
In fact...
your mummy is right up
Up here on stage.
Mummy.
You your mummy and your poppy.
Good to have you back, darling.
Mummy's again.
Never.
Never, I promise. Never.
Just call me Old Sawbones.
- You all right, Yes.
disposition...
should now close their eyes.
dear.
all right, Kitten?
I'm actually quite heartbroken.
I think I see the problem.
Cupid.
thing Phantom Lady Bertie...
in the city that never sleeps...
Kitten?
That all the songs that she'd listened to, all the love songs...
well, they were only songs.
that? - Nothing, if you in them.
She in enchanted evenings...
small passed overhead...
flowerbed.
breakfast to be had.
You know, I decision time
that?
That I wasn't destined for the sentimental side of things.
But if I did let myself ever fall for someone...
I think it girl like you.
Bertie, I stop you. something know.
Or maybe what I should say is...
it girl...
million miles from...
...where I'm standing.
What's the matter,
Well, you see, the thing is, Bertie...
I'm not....
Yes?
I'm girl.
Oh, I knew that, princess.
- You
What I said was...
it would be a girl like you.
I do believe I see Mummy over there.
Actually,
Mammy.
Bastards!
Think you can make fun of her?
You're coming
Wait!
No, maybe I should...
Christ's Paddy, is happening
Kitten!
Excuse
John Joe. John Joe!
John Joe!
Don't talk to me about fucking Wombles! I'm in the Tower of London now.
Thirty in the paw, boy, asked.
Hey, they're looking
- Would you be up for it? They'd chop my head off, surely.
And here's the man to do it for you.
Smiley, huh?
Where's Irwin gone?
Him and his revolution.
- Bottom of my sleeping bag.
There won't be much sleeping with this baby.
So you haven't seen her, then?
She's though,
I know it. I just know it, Charlie.
city.
I'm Irwin, you know.
He's up to something. I know it.
So why did you come over,
Wasn't just to see me.
Was it something to do with Irwin?
You might
I'm pregnant.
You know all he knows about.
cares.
But you didn't come here to have the baby?
I came here to get rid of it.
You tell him,
I can't.
all up. He's...
Homeless are fine.
That's what keeps him out late, Kitten...
Right, Irwin?
- I can't have it, can I, Paddy?
Irwin's involved in shit I think
I know.
it turn out like, Paddy? You know what I mean, don't you?
It'd disaster, like
Now, I want you to read this leaflet.
It outlines all termination procedure.
Termination?
- You mean this is an clinic? - Yes, of course it is.
I thought it was a fertility clinic.
I think mind. Thank you.
You disaster, like you.
probably.
- But I love you, you fucking disaster.
- Promise you won't get lost again? - I promise.
Tell him.
Tell
joining the Sandinistas.
- Sandinistas? They're band.
- Aren't they, Charlie? - Where can I reach you?
Try Cambridge
Paddy.
- You and me, darling. What do you say? - I don't quite know what to say.
Christ, bloke!
Ten out of ten, Sherlock.
You drink or something?
if you don't mind.
Of course I don't.
Wouldn't have asked you otherwise, would 1?
Thank you.
- Crowded tonight.
- Football supporters? Engineers.
Just come back from a tour of duty.
- Fucking Ulster.
I anything against the Irish, though, mind.
«I hear they're very friendly. - Don't know. Maybe.
politicians it up, though,
Yes, I'd love to.
- You Super.
You seem a little bit tense.
Would you do something for me?
Yeah,
pretend your Bobby?
Bobby who?
Bobby Goldsboro.
It's his song, you see.
Bobby it is, then.
All you have to do is plant a little tree...
surprise PUPPY...
I'll hug your
Back. Go to the back end.
many down can.
All right, my love,
Come on, my love. Can you stand?
As many people as we can get out through the door.
Take my shoulder,
You're all right, I've got you.
My tights.
- Easy, easy. - Steady Steady.
My tights! in ribbons.
You're main thing. on.
I know what I'll have to do, I'll have to get a new pair.
There's no other way, I'm afraid.
Keep still, darling. Don't try and move, okay?
Please, let us through now!
«I told you, from my best side, darlings.
Slow down.
That's it. Slowly now.
way, please! on.
- Out of the way. nurse, in so much pain.
No, they're Christian Dior. Do you really have to?
How silly can you get, putting an "X" across my weenie.
Not so silly as 11 blown to pieces...
twisted little cunt!
Fucking baby-faced, Irish murderer!
I'm sorry, call?
I can't quite see where you are. I'm over here, you see.
Millions of miles up Sirius guarding my head.
Tell him what he wants to know!
It's free. Everyone thinks it's cold up here...
actually quite warm.
Yes, it's warm as toast up on Pluto.
Don't try the fucking us, Paddy!
planted
But of course I did, my darling.
Why, planted hundreds of them.
Have you now? Well, plant this!
officer.
I'm over here.
Just take a left at the Milky Way.
We'll travel to Mars and visit
Christ, I can't fucking stand this!
why just statement?
Why didn't you just say so?
Attaboy. point it all of us.
After all, we're all friends here.
Thursday, October 17th.
I was in my little cell working with my active service unit.
But I was working undercover.
Undercover?
it's all coming back to me now. paper,
aka. Throat...
Republican sphincter...
anti-terrorist spray...
Gabrielle
stability will be compromised.
What is it with freedom fighters
You've got fuse support and booster charge.
What can I say? plate--
Is there anyone here?
Why won't he just talk to us?
Did he or didn't he, dressed as a woman, get caught by his own bomb?
We've held him six days now.
Paddy?
You all wonderful.
us halfway, will you, Paddy? Tell us why you came over here.
Well, I was just looking for someone.
- l was just Eily Bergin. Eily Bergin, Paddy?
She's gone undercover now.
biggest city in up.
us our inquiries, Paddy?
She mine.
Do you want us to find her?
- You could try The House That Vanished. - The House That Vanished.
Christ. I think we're all
now, Paddy.
Look, I think we may have made a mistake.
- What is it now?
If you came home from the office
hospital? Well, I would.
like you're doing now?
Well, yeah.
ifl transvestite
Well, is Officer Wallis gonna be a happy man or what?
by all accounts. Look.
You can't. Not when I'm settling in so well.
Take your head off my shoulder, son.
You understand, Paddy.
It's impossible. We couldn't even if we wanted to.
Fuck this, I'm going on a long holiday. Wife says I need it.
Come on!
Come on, just for one day. It wouldn't kill you.
Sorry, Paddy. It's impossible.
- Okay, a half-a-day,
Look, do you mind me asking?
I mean, why wanna... I mean, it don't make sense.
«It just makes me feel secure.
Yes, in the cell...
I think my turning into air...
and I'm floating in space, and I'm all alone.
“Galactic aloneness," called.
Routledge.
I just belong.
I'd be your best prisoner. I'd cook and I'd clean and I'd sweep...
I'd iron all the uniforms. I....
- Hey, Paddy! «I just wanna...
I'm afraid now.
All right, go get that bus there.
Go on!
Jennifer William Holden.
Is a Many-Splendored Thing?
Have you ever been in love?
Once I thought I was.
He was a lucky man.
I'd pay you.
I'd give you whatever you wanted.
I'd give you.
That's my mammy! That's my mammy!
Excuse Excuse
Excuse Excuse Excuse
Excuse Excuse excuse
Hello, sir. Can I be of assistance?
I don't do anything heavy, but aside from that I'd be more...
I could have you arrested, you know.
Well, icky-oakie
in.
This is no life like Patrick.
Well, cuff me then. Carry me to my sweet cell.
Oh, wait, you're not an actual punter, are you? How exciting.
Patrick.
Well, of course it is, of course it's serious. Everything's serious.
Paddy!
I know.
Why don't you try and get a regular job?
Well, to tell Inspector, I'm employable.
I gathered.
Fucking hell.
girls Patrick.
Set up a co-op.
What do you mean, "co-op"?
You know, like... like.... union, call
Girls?
Hello. Come on.
ideal, safe...
legal.
Casandra.
Goddess of Destruction.
- Girls?
This is Patrick.
Patrick.
He's a friend of mine, so be gentle. Hello, Sam.
nice. Patrick,
Love poker.
- Yeah, we'll put him in. all
- You'll be working with us? «I hope so. If you'll have me.
We're a nice bunch here.
bitchiness or nothing his hair.
where from? Cavan.
nice. I'm Dublin. You'll do well
You'll like us girls. you'll definitely like it
Charlie, sorry I haven't in touch...
and I hope that everything is going fine with you.
How's the bump?
Just writing to say that I've got a new address.
It's Xanadu on Old Compton Street...
and you can reach me there at any time.
I'm saving like mad to get over to see you when it happens in....
What is it?
Show me your bazoozums.
- I beg your pardon? - You
Now, listen, sir, we can't all have big bazoozums.
Some of us are what you might call svelte.
- Svelte? - Yes. That's a Swedish word, I believe.
There's also a French one.
Gamine.
- Gamine? - Yes, and that's what I am, sir.
gamine.
How much is that doggy in the window?
The one with the waggly tail
"waggly," "waggedy." "Waggedy tail."
Dear sir unseen, I know my music...
I'm willing 10 times pathetic in here...
that the dog's tail is waggly.
Now I wanna hear you bark.
- Please don't do that.
As you wish, sir.
I don't do this sort of thing often.
That's all right, sir, we've got lots of time.
- I knew a boy like you once. I'm not a boy, sir, I'm a girl.
a Yes.
You can call me Patricia. my sir.
1 a story, Patricia?
Oh, please do. Stories are what I love.
- You love stories?
Don't do that, please, please.
Very well, sir, I'm all
Once upon a time, there was a boy
sad. unbearably sad. unbearably sad little
didn't laughed. He laughed a
Perhaps the kind of laughter that disguises tears?
laughter fo...
on. To with...
To deal with his circumstances.
You understand this quite well, sir.
1 knew his father.
And...
very much...
he could never tell the boy how much....
How much?
He could never tell the boy how much he loved him.
Well, this can't be a true story. It can't be.
Why not?
Why could he not tell the boy how much he loved him?
Because he didn't know how.
He had the words for many things, you see, but he didn't have the words for that.
There are only three words for that. They're easy to say.
times, times, they're...
impossible.
And he loved the boy's mother, too, but that was equally impossible.
He never told him and then the boy left...
of time to think all the things...
all the things that might have been, should have been.
He had all the time in the world to think.
he think about?
thought, he imagined perhaps,
his mother.
And what was his mother's name?
Eily. Eily Bergin. God.
And so the father thought the one thing he could do...
was tell him where he could find his mother.
find “What?
Please, go on.
She children.
- Probably him. live?
19 Spencer in Kilburn.
‘Cause you know what I want, I want English...
- I want conservative, I want East Finchley... Yeah.
I powerful.
- You think it «I think you her.
- I do look better than her, don't 1? - You do.
miss?
Yes, I'm survey for British Telecom.
- Do you know where 19 Spencer Rise is? - That's my house. There.
your...
- Can't you read numbers? - No, yes, I can read numbers.
So, what's the survey?
Well, telephones.
telephone? telephone.
man. people afford
Well, we can.
I see.
is your - My name's Patrick.
Patrick.
do you have, Patrick?
Shouldn't you be asking my mother?
Yes. Yes, I should.
And where would I find her?
Mum, nice survey...
you.... Oh, my God!
- You feeling better, thank you.
- No, thank you.
So, what's this survey about, then?
- It's about phones, Mum. - Phones? With Telecom?
Yes, British Telecom.
multi-phone household? Yes. Yes, three.
in in the kitchen, in
«Is my husband.
Sorry.
is your telephone
Very. Laura's never off it.
My daughter. She's 13.
I see, I see.
You much though, Patrick?
I suppose
- Well, Miss... - Johnson. Johnston.
Johnston.
If you've hesitate to call.
No, I think I have more than enough, thank you.
- Thank you for the tea.
Shouldn't uniform?
I shouldn't uniform.
The men who put the phones in have a uniform.
Do they, now?
- Aren't they from Telecom? - Yes, they are.
Then how come Telecom don't know
Well, department.
Why don't you just phone up, then,
Because there's nothing like the personal touch, now, is there?
Why don't--
Young man, I get the feeling you don't like me.
You're wrong. I think nice.
Well, I think nice,
conjunctivitis.
1 gave your address to Father Liam, and I hope you don't mind.
and [I need all the kindness I can get.
The Special Branch lifted me on a dope charge, you see.
They lifted Charlie on the dope charge.
in prison, if I didn't--
If you didn't Irwin?
If I didn't inform operations.
- You do it.
I can't. I went to school with his brother.
Hey, lads, did you hear the one
- Cavan man in--
What will I call you?
Father.
You call me "Father." in.
I can't.
I prayed, know. I prayed
Did you find her?
Yes. of.
She's upstairs. on.
problems at home...
so I took her in.
She hardly eats a thing, you know. She's away.
Maybe you could...
Father?
Is Kitten?
Charlie. Take it easy now.
Swann's Cross.
They rubbish his head. - Hush,
My parents told me to go back where I came from.
think
Your baby, all now.
And I'm here to help you.
Robins, Father. Would you believe it? Pecking at the cream.
I'm sure the poor things must be starved.
Ta.
You have your mother's eyes, Patrick?
beyond Point.
You took her there?
Many times.
Things could have been so different.
anything.
know, the strangest thing...
I went her...
but I found you.
in the end it was a blessed
She was a lovely woman. She never missed a day at Mass.
When they opened her up, they found a lump as big as a melon.
Maybe it was a grapefruit. I get them mixed up.
blessed Father, dear.
And is there any rule that says that when you're pregnant...
you need to dress like a lollipop lady?
- l rule, Patrick. - No, so I thought.
This little hippy number might lift
Very nice.
Velvet, Father.
Like crushed grass.
Look, Father.
Oh, can we try the silver fur, missus?
Is it for yourself?
Babygros. Four teddy I can understand...
- but I don't need a pram yet, Kitten. - You will.
- Oh, singing.
How much is that doggy in the window?
- Is it waggedy or waggly, “Waggly.
minute.
Father? Yes.
You doggy tail? Is it waggly or waggedy?
Waggedy, I remember. Your stopped singing
waggedy tail.
Waggedy.
How much is that doggy in the window?
The one with the waggedy tail
How much is that doggy in the window?
Oh, Jesus Christ and his holy mother.
Bishop do something? ~The Bishop!
Bishop a damn.
say...? ~The Bishop damn!
mind your missus
Do you know something, Thomas?
There are times when I wish I was a bus conductor.
...the all.
But you'll come and see us, Father?
Well, the only parish I've been offered is in Kilburn, so you might see a lot of me.
You saved my life, Father.
mine.
Great, fireproof man.
Come on, Charlie, push! Push!
I am pushing, Kitten, fuck you!
- l am pushing!
- Jesus! - Come on.
apart!
Hey, telephone lady.
Ifit multi-phone household.
Mum's with the doctor. She's, you know, got a bun in the fireplace.
«I think you mean the oven, young man. - Okay, then, the oven.
What's your name?
Lady.
- That's a funny name. «I know that. I'm a funny lady.
- Is that your baby?
She's fireplace checked.
Isn't she? Yes, she is.
darling, this - Patrick.
This is my young Patrick.
So, how's your fireplace?
My fireplace is 100%.
And your little bun is just fine, too, aren't you? Yes, you are.
Patrick, your mum. You'd run.
Okay.
Patrick, will you tell her that...
telephone that she hopes it's a girl this time.
- Okay. - Okay.
- She looks nothing like Mitzi Gaynor - What do you know about Mitzi Gaynor?
Nothing. Wilde said...
I love talking about nothing. It's the only thing I know anything about