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出格
译制
瑞克 我这边快防不住了 I can't hold them off, Rick!
怪物太多了 There's too many!
瑞查德 Richard!
你的堡垒真的是浪费珊瑚和蛤蜊 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam.
劝你立马投降 Relinquish it at once!
投降吧 你个大傻逼 Submit, you continental cunt
我有一计 Got a better idea.
我操 我操 我操 我操 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
现在开心了吧 Happy?
我当然开心啦 Of course I'm happy.
你搞得像你赢了一样 You're acting like you won
但这一切早在我计划之中 but this is exactly what I wanted.
我就是云雨君 I am Mr. Nimbus!
呕 烦死人 走吧 莫蒂 Ugh, whatever. Come on, Morty.
我去 太激烈了 Man, that was intense.
嗯 你表现挺不错 Yeah. Nice work, buddy.
炸你的碉堡是没办法的事 对不起了 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker.
且留步 桑切斯 Not so fast, Sanchez.
我来也 曲奇万磁王 It is I, Cookie Magneto.
什么鬼啊 What the f***?
我…我不准备和他交锋 I'm— I'm not engaging this guy.
由不得你哦 瑞克 That's hardly up to you, Rick.
大家对曲奇的共识是由你来控制吗 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies?
是的 Yes.
但是 曲奇饼干不是单独的物质 Okay, but cookies aren't a substance.
曲奇饼干可以用来指- They're more of a name we give to—
指我能控制的东西 To the things I control.
曲奇的配料是你控制的吗 Do you control cookie ingredients?
是的话就有点不太妙了 Because, you know, that— that sounds dangerous.
毕竟每种配料里基本都有糖 You know, everything has sugar in it.
要想知道答案 就和我一战- Fight me and find—
我的天 瑞克 Jesus, Rick!
对不起行了吧 莫蒂 I'm sorry, Morty.
你可别说我这是以大欺小 I know you're gonna say it's punching down,
但是这种90年代风的傻屌反派 but I can't fight another one of these
我真的是碰都不想碰了 '90s-style, goofball super villains.
当我是超级蜱人呢 I'm not the f***ing Tick.
我-真的厌倦了 I'm— I'm exhausted.
行行行 但是他们如果都只找你麻烦的话 Okay, but if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you,
你是不是该反思下自己的所作所为了 maybe you should look into what you're doing to—
莫蒂 你听听你说的什么话 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty.
他们和我的所作所为屁关系都没有 I don't do anything for these dipsh*ts to seek me out.
我是卡吕普索先生 I am Mr. Calypso.
你个又丑又酗酒的丑逼 拿命来 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit.
我好像的确需要反思一下… Okay, I might look into it…
瑞克与莫蒂
翻译：出格
你为什么不坐下呢 Why don't you have a seat?
因为我不是来做心理咨询的 'Cause this isn't a therapy session.
我就是想问 你们干这行的 I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket
对于我这种境遇是什么个看法 say about handling this particular situation.
首先你得说清楚是什么样的境遇 First, we'd want you to define the situation.
不管我走到哪 都有一群傻屌 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds
觉得跟我打一架能- that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of...
提升他们身价似的 I don't know, platform?
比如这位 I mean, look at this guy.
突然就说我是"酗酒的丑逼" He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk."
搞得好像这样侮辱我能打败我似的 Because of course that's the angle of attack that's gonna undo me, right?
你攻击蝙蝠侠的时候是不是也照着蝙蝠侠标志打 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo.
你觉得把他关起来 And you think locking this man in a chamber
然后榨取他的宇宙液能解决问题 and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this?
我是觉得这样我才能从中得到点什么 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation
顺便树个典型 and maybe set an example.
但是你树了这么多次典型 But you've set this example many times
你的境遇有改观吗 and it's not changing your situation.
行行行 你又要让我别理他们 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them.
但是他们也是这么希望的 But guess what? They want that too.
为什么他们希望你不要理他们呢 And why would they want to be ignored?
你难道觉得我让他这样的人为所欲为 You really believe if I let a guy like this do whatever he wants
他们玩尽兴之后就主动消失吗 he gets bored and vanishes?
瑞克 你愿意配合我实验一下吗 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong?
好啊 Yes!
那咱们就试一试 Then show me data.
对他们置之不理一个星期看结果会怎样 Ignore them for a week and see what happens.
试就试 You're on, bitch.
他死了吗 Is that man dead?
心理咨询的内容是保密的对吧 Is everything in here confidential?
除了谋杀之外一切保密 Everything but murder.
那他就没死 Then he's fine.
我觉得意义挺重大的 I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know?
你终于迈出了这一步 Big step for the big cheese.
对啊 爸 我也觉得挺了不得的 Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed.
能不能不要大惊小怪 Can we not make it a big deal?
瑞克 明明很值得庆祝啊 It's worth celebrating, Rick.
你主动选择去做心理咨询 You accepted the concept of therapy
没有把自己变成腌黄瓜或者是苍蝇 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly.
杰瑞 你什么猪脑子 她办公室里那只苍蝇是真的苍蝇 Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly in her office that day.
什么鬼 What the hell?
瑞克 Riiick!
想来点尿尿吗 How 'bout a little piss?
瑞克 为什么他在我们家草坪上撒尿 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn?
你自己去问他 I'm sure he'll tell you.
我是尿王 I am Pissmaster!
我是来把瑞克这坨屎冲下马桶的 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez.
他在用尿淋我的薰衣草啊 He's spraying my lavender bush.
我养的蜜蜂最爱薰衣草了 My bees need that lavender!
你们几个刚刚还激动得不行 Remember five seconds ago
觉得我终于要改变了 when you guys were stoked about me changing
搞得好像你们高我一等的样子 because it made you feel superior?
哇 全家人都在呢 Ooh, whole family's here.
那个红发女是谁 Who's that redhead?
好想用尿淋她一身 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower.
天了噜 什么惹 Oh, my God, what?
喂 Hey!
够了 Okay, that's it!
杰瑞 请你三思 Jerry, please think about this.
如果你和他打的话 我帮不帮你 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole for
我都里外不是人 not helping or an asshole for helping.
他性骚扰我女儿 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms,
我当爹的要教训下他 and I'll respond how I choose!
-爸 不要啊 -老公 -Wait, Dad, don't! -Honey!
嘿 Hey.
我尿你不敢 You want a piece of piss?
你说话怎么这么傻逼 If that's your stupid rude way of saying
我还真就敢了 I have to fight you, I will.
小白脸 受死吧 Take your shot, pussy.
别给我大放厥词 快滚蛋 Don't talk to me that way. Go away!
放马过来 Make me.
滚蛋啊 Go away!
老公 小心点啊 Careful, honey!
住手啊 Just stay down.
我根本不认识你啊 I -- I don't even know you.
你的确不认识我 Yeah, you don't know me.
但今天就是你小子认爹的日子 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun.
-不要打了 -住手啊 -Hey, none of that! -Break it up, guys!
来啊 Hey! Come on!
来啊 你个小兔崽子 Come on, you dirty motherfucker.
别打了!不要啊!不要啊 No! No, no, no, no no!
别打了 Stop!
爹!我认输!放过我 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy!
别打了!我认输 Stop! I give up!
向我女儿道歉 Apologize to my daughter.
道什么歉啊 For what?
你心知肚明 You know for what!
对不起 I'm sorry!
我不该性化你 I'm sorry I sexualized you!
我嘴特别笨 It came out wrong!
他是我爸!他是我爸 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad!
老公 你太厉害了 Honey, I'm so proud of you.
对不起啦 Oh, sorry.
谢谢你 瑞克 Thank you, Rick.
我去#火烈鸟老爹#的话题火了诶 Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere!
Buzzfeed把大家对你的看法汇总成了文章 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list of other people's observations about you,
并且你在黑推特的山寨版白推特上 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis
收获了好多鼓掌的Emoji on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter.
Jezebel网悬赏征集你是坏人的线索 Jezebel's offering a cash reward for evidence that you're a bad person.
这可是他们网站的最高荣誉 That is their highest honor!
原来当网络红人是这感觉 So this is what it's like to trend.
感觉真不错 Feels good.
这样才对嘛 Feels right.
你记好了 从今以后他们这群傻逼 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes
就要开始挑战你好蹭你的热度了 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you.
咦咦咦 Boooo!
瑞克 你就不能让我爸高兴一天吗 Rick, let a dog have one day.
行行行 I'm letting! I'm letting!
哇!发光的球诶 Whoa. Are those orbs?
我就说吧 This is what I'm talking about.
某个混蛋看了你和尿王打架的视频 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not
反而妒忌起了尿王来 they were jealous of Pissmaster.
我是永恒族布莱格纳 I am Blagnar the Eternal.
我们是来找打败尿王的那位凡人的 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster.
就是我爸 杰瑞·史密斯 That's my dad, Jerry Smith!
杰瑞·史密斯 Jerry Smith.
我们银河球银球协会支持正义 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice
也支持主持正义的人 and those who deliver it.
什么 Wait, what?
我们议会决定将这个银球赠予你 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb
并决定邀请你加入我们 and with it a place amongst us.
呃 怎么粘粘的 Whoa. It -- It -- It's sticky.
说明银球找到了一颗赤子之心 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart
想同你结缘 it wants to bond with.
你们在新闻上看到我女婿 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news,
就跑过来给他一颗粘球 now he gets a sticky orb.
你们有什么诡计 What's the catch?
我们可不傻 We're not rubes.
瑞克·桑切斯 我们早就知晓你的力量了 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez
所以我们的银球根本不粘你 and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you.
哎呀呀 我先是在邻里守护App上被封号了 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Nextdoor app,
现在又被你们否定 now this.
能加入你们是我的荣幸 I'd be honored to join your organization.
我需要做些什么吗 S-So what do I do?
看到犯罪的时候摩擦这个球吗 Rub the orb when I see crime?
还是像吃菠菜一样把它吃掉 Or -- Or eat the orb like spinach?
银球蕴藏着原力 The orb is raw power.
杰瑞 你只需要相信自己 Trust your heart, Jerry.
银球自会发挥作用 It will know what to do.
微波炉是你开的吗 Did you turn on the microwave?
不是… No?
可能吧… Maybe?
我--我想飞来着 我- I -- I was trying to fly. I --
什么啊 What?
瑞克 别这样嘛 I mean, come on, Rick.
银球圣杯什么的 就属你最懂 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing.
银球圣杯 Orbs and goblets.
我们家里你比较懂银球嘛 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family.
帮帮我嘛 Can you please help me?
杰瑞 我要是给你原力 你会变得像我一样丧的 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me.
相信我 我坐视不管就算鼎力相助了 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping.
瑞克 你认真的 Seriously, Rick?
什么鬼啊 外公 What the eff, Grandpa?
有猥琐男想用尿淋我奶子 Some creep tried to pee on my tits
你袖手旁观 and you did nothing.
现在又不理不睬 不让我爸当英雄 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero?
真的是小肚鸡肠 Are you seriously that petty?
行行行 我帮他行了吧 Okay, you know what? Fine!
这套就是你的战衣了 Here. Here's your goddamn suit.
我把银球的力量集成到了盔甲里 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it.
这个小炮看着挺厉害 This shooty-thing looks cool.
这个"小炮"里装的是能毁灭星球的核武器 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor that can blow up planets.
-炫酷惹 -有点性感呢 -So tight. -Kinda hot.
那好 请显示… Okay, show me, uh...
此刻银河系各地的罪行 acts of evil happening around the galaxy.
哇 太空希特勒 Whoa, Space Hitlers?
"太空希特勒们在扎普乐星球上集会" "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime."
我的天 每个希特勒还都不一样呢 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler.
-对呀 这样可不太好 -我去 老爸 快出发吧 -Yeah, th-that's a problem. -Oh, shit, do that one.
-哎呀 看你们俩 -他俩是我爸妈哦 -Aw, you guys. -That's my parents!
哇哦 Wow.
家人们 Well, family,
杰瑞·史密斯要去完成第一个银球任务了 looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission.
草坪上的火烈鸟起飞了 Lawn Flaming-Ho!
你们记好咯 这可是你们自找的 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this.
我们希特勒军团即将重建银河系秩序 Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order.
建立我们的帝国 A reich, if you will.
希特勒谜语人- Riddle Hitler me this --
等下 现在是个希特勒就能加入咱 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now?
拜拜了 坏蛋们 Auf wiedersehen, bad guys!
除掉他 Exterminate him!
我操!我的天 Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus.
一个一个来嘛 One at a time!
啊啊啊我的天 Ah, oh, my God!
呃 希望这个星球上没有其他人 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet.
杰瑞史密斯：一位炫酷老爹
这个星球上没有其他人 And there were no other people on the planet!
只有这些希特勒们 Only Hitlers!
每个希特勒都准备回去进行大屠杀 Each one ready to start their own holocaust,
他这一炮 救了300亿人 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives were saved by a single blast.
杰瑞·史密斯拯救了银河系 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith.
#火烈鸟老爹# Hashtag #FlamingoDad.
你他娘的逗我吧 You gotta be fucking kidding me.
接下来请收看- Up next --
诶 没别的节目了 Oh, actually nothing.
我们继续播报杰瑞·史密斯相关资讯 I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more.
我觉得心理咨询好像没什么用 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless.
我问题忒多了 I've got so many issues!
咱俩得好好聊聊 We need to talk.
我拒绝 Hey. No.
你如果不尊重我和我的病人 I will not speak with you if you refuse to treat me
我是不会理你的 and my patients with respect.
我的天 我刚才变成苍蝇了 Oh, Lord. I was a fly!
感觉一身轻松 没心没肺 So unburdened, so free of shame!
我的心理疾病治好了 Welp, I'm officially cured!
你的实验结果拿去 Here. Here's your data.
我现在坚信上帝恨毒了我 Hard proof that God hates me.
我对那个反派置之不理 他被杰瑞打得满地找牙 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass.
杰瑞得到一颗银球 然后用我给他的力量 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power which I gave him
消灭了希特勒星球 to annihilate planets of Hitlers,
结果大家现在都为他叫好 and everyone's popping champagne.
瑞克 你上次来说希望能改变自己的境遇 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change,
这不是改变了吗 and they're changing.
说明有用呀 It's working.
我的傻女婿到处打人就是"有用" Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law beats up people, it's "working."
我打人就是滥用宇宙力量 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power?
瑞克 你听听你自己说的话 Rick, listen to yourself.
这边你在抱怨自己需要谨慎使用手上的力量 You're complaining about how you have to be careful with your immense power
那边希特勒们都被除掉了 and that Hitlers are dead.
这两件事都是好事呀 Everything you're describing is positive.
我去 无所作为 Oh, shit. Not reacting.
竟然是杀手锏？ That really is the kill move?
不要用这些打打杀杀的话来描述 I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder
但是你说得对 保持现状就很好 but, yes, just stay the course.
行 醍醐灌顶 Okay, good -- good talk.
这就是心理咨询 Well, what you're describing is therapy,
如果你想继续来的话 and if you'd like to keep receiving it,
可以和前台的朱迪预约 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front.
谢谢大家 谢谢我的火烈鸟粉丝团 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam.
他们当初问我想不想 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted
当第一个驾驶三菱太空船的人类 to be the first human to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer,
我本来有些犹豫的 I thought, "Well, I don't know.
毕竟银球战服飞得已经够快了 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast."
但后来我决定答应 But you know what sold me?
因为议会说我可以挑选自己的机组人员 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew.
莫蒂 夏茉 贝丝 上来吧 Morty, Summer, Beth, what do you say?
什么?你认真的吗 What? Are you serious?
我操 我最爱三菱了 Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi!
我也是!早就听说了!好激动啊 Me too! I-I've heard of them! This is so exciting!
天了噜!好炫酷啊 Oh, my God! This is so cool!
家人们 出发吧 Alright gang, orbs away!
这个世界真奇妙 O me o' my, can it be?
遇见你个大傻屌 A giant piece of shit I see?
在下姓豌名豆豆 I am Mr. Stringbean!
我的韵律最优秀 No one resists my rhyming scheme!
小兔崽子 能不能别逼逼了 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out?
这个傻逼又是谁 Who's this asshole?
我是腰带博士 I am Doctor Buckles!
准备系紧你这张臭嘴 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions!
哎呀 你想看豌豆豆站斗斗吗 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean?
我去 I'll be damned.
我不干了 I'm out.
我-酒杯干了 I'm -- I'm out.
天惹 这个尿男被打成什么样了 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on.
快看!还想往车底爬呢 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car!
真是垃圾 What a loser.
你们在看尿王的视频吗 Hey you watching the Pissmaster video?
是啊 他是银河系第一大废物对吧 Yeah. He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right?
板上钉钉了 Oh-ho, without a doubt.
太废物了 应该没有人会感同身受吧 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit?
我操 God damn it.
操 干 挺住啊 Fuck, shit, come on, man.
操 我去 放哪去了 Fuck, come on, where is it?
操 操 Shit, shit.
操 Fuck!
挺住啊 尿王 挺住啊 Come on, Pissmaster, come on.
我去 Damn it.
是我 It's me.
求你开门吧 Please, please just open up.
爸 Dad?
妈说你不接她电话 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls
我特别担心你 and I'm worried, okay?
虽然我在我播客上说过你坏话 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast.
是因为…我前段时间对你很失望 It's just...I've been so frustrated with you.
爸 你要是寻短见的话 Look, if you were to ever do something,
我会一辈子内疚的 I'd never stop blaming myself.
求你给我报个平安吧 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay.
我去 God damn it.
我没事的 闺女 别担心 I'm okay, honey. We're good.
我还以为你想不开了呢 I thought something happened to you.
我向你保证 我要是有什么不测 I can tell you for sure -- if anything happens to me,
百分百不是你的错 it's 100% not on you.
全怪我自己 It's my own choice.
你说话的语调还是像想不开的样子 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad.
向我保证不要寻短见好不好 Just promise you won't, okay?
好的 Okay, yeah.
我保证 Promise.
爸 爱你哦 Love you, Dad.
操 Fuck.
就这样吧 Well, this is it.
杰瑞·史密斯把我逼到自杀 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith.
他不过是个凡夫俗子 The Earth man.
大家叫他火烈鸟老爹 FlamingoDad.
看着大家为我的失败欢呼雀跃 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped
我突然意识到 made me realize
大家只想看我一败涂地 people just wanna see me fail.
我好希望自己能证明他们错看我了 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong.
救我 Help!
等下!你是谁 Wait! Who are you?
在下尿王 Pissmaster.
记得告诉大家说尿王救了你 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you.
我用的是红外线尿弹 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way.
不是普通炮弹哦 Not just missiles.
行吧 okay.
准备好尿一尿了吗 Y'all ready for piss?
哟!尿王 Yo! Pissmaster!
你救猫是想让大家忘记你是个废物吗 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck?
不是哦 就是为了救猫而已 Nope, just saving it to save it.
好吧 什么也没挖到 Okay, we got nothing.
儿童医院
冰上奇迹 癌症病房的尿尿滑冰场
尿王：圣水之神？
尿 Piss
尿尿 Pee
这17条推说明尿王就是永远的神
尿液 Urine
我在静静等待尿王的归来
解小手 Number one
尿王现在好性感
尿尿 Pee pee
这位尿哥太厉害了
尿 Piss
快看啊!是尿王 Look, it's Pissmaster!
王医生 怎么了 Dr. Wong, what's up?
瑞克 你迟到了 Rick, you're late for your session.
取消掉好了 不用退款 我不需要了 Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good.
不需要了 You're good?
对啊 我穿上了敌人的战斗服 现在爽得很 Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy and I fucking love it.
我准备把炸弹放到城市里 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city,
然后让尿王的战斗服带着炸弹飞向太空 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space.
炸了之后 大家会以为尿王牺牲了自己 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself.
他死后成为英雄 He dies a hero
我也能体会瑞克体会不到的胜利 I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself
一举两得 nice wet bow on top.
我本来有点想劝阻你 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that,
但感觉你做得没错 but I think you might be nailing it.
嗯 What?
不要钱又好玩的事 放开去做吧 If it's free and fun, do it.
有益身心 It sounds healthy.
好吧 虽然我的目的不在于此 Oh, that wasn't my goal,
但是谢谢告知 but good to know.
操 我先挂了 Shit, gotta go.
对啊 我还听说他去了奴隶星球 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing
用尿帮奴隶挣脱了枷锁 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so...
对不起迟到了 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late
银球路上有点塞车 lot of traffic on the orbway.
就坐吧 杰瑞 Take a seat, Jerry.
我们在讨论尿王的崛起 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise.
关我们屁事啊 对吧 I mean, who cares, right?
大家都在讨论他 Uh, people are talking about him.
他越来越受欢迎了 He's becoming likable.
甚至可以称他为好人 Good, even.
但是…他是尿王啊 But... he's Pissmaster.
杰瑞 人是会变的 People change, Jerry.
浪子回头的故事谁不爱呢 Everyone loves a comeback story.
同意将银球授予尤金·麦克·尿 又名尿王 的请举手 All in favor of offering orbship to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster?
我同意 Orb-yes.
不同意的请举手 All those opposed?
我不同意 Obviously orb-no.
银球协会决定了 The orbship has spoken.
杰瑞呀 You know what, Jerry?
我想测验一下你 I think this is a good test for you.
如果你小肚鸡肠到不愿意让尿王加入 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster,
或许你配不上银球 maybe you don't deserve your orb.
杰瑞… And, Jerry...
不带上他的话你就别回来了 don't come back without him.
现场一片混乱 Absolute chaos!
无人知晓炸弹是谁放的 No one knows who planted the bomb,
孤儿们深陷危机
但是大家都心知肚明的是 but one thing is clear:
住满了孤儿的孤儿岛之城 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans,
笼罩在灭城的恐惧中 now sits on the brink of doom.
孤儿岛拆弹队正在拆弹 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak.
我再说一遍 我今年八岁 I can't stress enough, I'm eight years old,
我都不知道自己在干什么 I have no idea what I'm doing!
快看!是尿王 Look! It's Pissmaster!
哎呀!没时间拆弹了 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it!
这里不安全 跟上我 Come on, it's not safe here.
要尿糖吗?要尿糖吗?要尿糖吗 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop?
尿王 Pissmaster.
杰瑞 你来干什么啊 Jerry, what are you doing here?
尤金·麦克·尿 Eugene Michael Piss,
根据仙女座的法令 by decree of the Andromeda strain,
我们的议会决定授予你本银球 our great council presents you with this orb,
你必须收下 which you have to take.
滚远点啊 杰瑞 我正忙着呢 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something.
你再说一遍 Excuse me?
这么至高无上的荣誉 Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given.
我不需要 I don't want it!
你不要也得要 Well, you have to take it.
我的天 赶快给老子滚开啊 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here!
他飞向了太空 He's flying it into space!
他是准备牺牲自己 He's gonna sacrifice himself!
给老子回来 你个白眼狼 Get back here, you ungrateful shit!
你有毛病吗 What is your problem?!
我英勇就义的计划被你搞砸了 You're screwing up my hero death!
太好了 Good!
火烈鸟老爹想炸死我们 FlamingoDad wants us to blow up?!
他怎么变成反派了 When did he become a shitheel?
世事无常 大肠包小肠 Life comes at you fast.
我的天!爸 大家都在摄像呢 Jesus, Dad! People are filming!
收敛一点啊 Yeah, maybe dial it back?
瑞克 Rick?
尿王战斗服!将炸弹送往太空 PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload!
收到 Confirmed.
他是老娘的亲爹 That's my fucking dad!
-杰瑞 -爸?!你没事吧 -Jerry?! -Dad?! Are you okay?
尿王竟然是你爸 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster!
呃…外公?搞什么啊 Um... Grandpa? What the hell?
杰瑞 怎么回事 Jerry, what is this?
大家说你变成反派了 People are saying you turned shitheel?
尿王竟然是我岳父 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster,
你怎么不去问他 so why don't you ask him?
什么鬼…瑞克·桑切斯是尿王 What the...? Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster?
真的是尴尬了 Okay, this is not a good look.
这一家人…真的是 This family, man.
我不知道你们俩打的什么狗屁算盘 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling,
但你们怕是与银球无缘了 but it's completely unstickworthy.
拜拜了 We're done here.
我一开始又不知道 But I didn't know!
我-我是好人啊 I-I'm a good guy,.
你们还是我带火的呢 I -- I made you all famous!
我1000岁了 I'm 1,000 years old.
"火烈鸟老爹"我见得多了去了 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen?
别糊弄我们了 Don't orb us.
我有点迷惑 I don't get it.
尿王从一开始就是你 You -- You were Pissmaster the whole time?
才不是呢 杰瑞 Obviously not, Jerry.
我穿上战斗服还是在尿王自- I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill--
还是在你逼他- when -- when you made him...
呃 嗯 尿王从始至终都是我 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster.
所以你故意让我爸把你打得屁滚尿流 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up
好让他自信一点 just so he could, like, feel more confident?
-哇哦 -我去 瑞克 -Wow. -Damn, Rick.
太有心了 Yeah, that's amazing.
等下 什么- Hold on, Wh--
你们就这么接受了 Everyone's just accepting this?
等下 尿王不是外星人吗 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien?
-他捏脸捏出来的 -说不定是机器人呢 -He obviously avatar'd it. -Probably a robot.
但是为什么啊?为什么瑞克要给我助力啊 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that?
我的天 杰瑞 瑞克好不容易做件好事而已 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay?
他在努力改变自己 He's obviously trying to change.
你现在配不上三菱飞船了 You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi.
爸 我真为你自豪 Proud of you, Dad.
我是不是该叫你 尿王 Or should I say: Pissmaster.
嗯 外公 我不该朝你大吼大叫的 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you.
我也得道歉 And I guess I'm sorry for
不该阻止你用核弹自杀的 trying to stop you from killing yourself with a nuclear bomb.
我…太想留住银球了 I just... really liked having an orb.
杰儿 没事的 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer.
过去了的事像撒出去的尿 Piss under the bridge.
心理咨询还挺有用的哈 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh?
敞开心扉 大费周折只为让我爸开心 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good.
真的很了不起 瑞克 That's pretty great of you, Rick.
嗯…是这样的 莫蒂 Yeah... that's right, Morty.
是这样的 That's right.
留步 莫蒂 Wait, Morty.
你不要把这件事告诉别人 You have to promise not to tell anyone
尿王被你爸逼得自杀了 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself.
我去 真的吗 Oh, man, what?!
嗯 我发现了它的尸体 Yeah, I mean, I found him dead
于是才穿上他的战斗服 and I -- I put on his suit,
你看 他责怪你爸呢 but look at this -- he literally blames your dad.
我操 等下 你把遗书留下了 Holy shit. Wait, you kept the suicide note?
太操蛋了吧 That's so messed up!
我知道 但是我得找个人倾诉啊 莫蒂 I know, I mean, I had to tell someone, Morty.
这件事我没办法压在心底的 I couldn't just sit on that.
你指望我有办法 And you expect me to?
莫蒂!你要干什么啊 Morty, no! What are you doing?!
搞什么啊?他自杀了 What the hell?! He killed himself?
我去 爸 你怎么不早点说 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us!
他竟然是被杰瑞害死的 Especially if Jerry murdered him!
别这样说啊 不是被我害死的 Wait, don't say that, I -- I didn't murder!
我已经很努力了 Hey, I -- I thought it was pretty cool
这件事埋在了心底 that I withheld that information.
关键是你没埋在心底啊 But you didn't withhold it!
你把遗书随身带着呢 You're walking around with the note!
对啊 外公 你应该牺牲自己 Yeah, Grandpa, you gotta, like, keep it in your heart
守口如瓶的 as a great sacrifice.
这样才了不起啊 That's the cool move.
坏人也不是我啊 I mean, how am I the bad guy?
他当初朝我们喷尿啊 He sprayed piss on us!
-你们当时还给我打气啊 -别拉我们下水 -You -- You all cheered me on! -Don't drag us into this.
-爸 有人自杀了啊 -我本来不想说的- -A man is dead, Dad. -Again, wasn't gonna say it,
但是我警告过你们的 but I told you this would happen.
-别自以为是了 -王医生为你自豪呢 Get off your high horse Dr. Wong would be so proud.
你们爱咋咋地 我闻尿闻了那么久 还在乎你们这 Go ahead and boo. I was breathing piss, you think I care?
这就是当网络红人的感觉吗 Is this what it's like to trend?
太生不如死了 This is a nightmare!
早知道我就让他用尿淋我女儿了 I should've just let him pee on my daughter!
呕!什么鬼啊!爸 Ew! What the hell, Dad?
不要走开 后面还有
千斤米勒 又名千斤顶怎么样 How about Jack Miller, aka CarJack?
他把压在陌生人身上的车挪开了 He lifted a car off a stranger.
行吧 I guess.
-下一个 -不行 -Next. -Orb-no.
上两位一位是个老爹 一位是尿男 We're fresh off a dad and a piss guy.
要不下一位选个本身就很厉害的吧 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful?
但是候选人不能太脱离现实 We have to be realistic about who we can get.
我有个人选 I have a pitch.
我们是不会选斯嘉丽·约翰逊的 We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson.
黑寡妇演员
下一位 海王 海洋之王 Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans.
我听说他能控制警察 Oh, I hear he controls the police.
-哇哦 -警察 -Wow. -The police?
同意 Orb-yes
我联系过他 Guys, I already checked.
他的经纪人说他最近特别忙 His reps say he's really busy right now.
-他就是找个借口而已 -怎么人人都这么说 -He just doesn't wanna do it. -Everyone says that.
我们不忙吗 Oh, and we're not busy?
你看懂了吗? Did you get any of that?
纪念制片麦克·孟德尔