翻译: LeE 晓小枫 Atropa
别担心了 Jerry会没事的 Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.
校对: 约翰
你听得见吗 Jerry 你没事的 You hear me, Jerry? You're gonna be fine.
小心那东西 Ooh, watch out for that stuff.
会在衣服留下污渍 It'll stain if it gets on your clothes,
后期: Nico
而且如果进入了你的眼睛或嘴巴 And it'll send you into a murderous rage
它还会让你变成杀人狂魔 if it gets in your eyes and mouth.
为什么你要把变异细菌 Why would you keep mutant bacteria
压制: Ti
保存在Cherry Garcia雪糕桶里面 In a pint of Cherry Garcia?
虽然现在提这个不太好 但是 严格来说 I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically,
冰箱冷冻柜的第二层是归我的 The second freezer drawer is mine.
- 再也不是了 - 你反应过度了 - Not anymore. - You're overreacting!
- 他快不行了 - 好吧 - We're losing him. - All right, fine,
但你们不准碰我的保鲜盒 but you're not touching my crisper.
- 他要死了吗 - 别担心 -Is he going to die? -Don't worry.
Glip Glop是全银河系最厉害的医生 Dr. Glip Glop is the best in the galaxy.
你好 我是Glip Glop医生 Hello, I'm Dr. Glip Glop.
我的天啊 Oh, my god! Oh, my god!
干嘛 What?
每间医院都说他们这儿有 Every hospital claims to have
全银河系最厉害的医生 The best doctor in the ga--laxy.
就像那些匹萨店 It's like those pizza places
每家都说他们的匹萨世界第一 That claim to have the best pizza in the world.
你以为他们真搞了披萨大赛评出来的吗 What do you think, they have pizza contests?
你真有去过什么匹萨比赛么 Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
- 爸 去候诊室等 - 好吧 - Go in the waiting room, dad. - Fine!
麻烦一下 Excuse me.
借过一下 你来看什么病 Coming through. What are you here for?
说笑而已 我才不关心 Just kidding. I don't care.
这可不行 Well, This won't do.
- 你在干什么 - 弄个续篇 - Hey, what are you doing? - A sequel.
- 我听不懂 - 我也不懂 - I don't understand. - yeah, me, neither.
我们第一次搞得相当不错 We pretty much nailed it the first time.
跨维度有线电视2
瑞克与莫蒂
电波诚译
第二季 第八集
"人车大战" 最新最火的秀 "MAN vs. CAR," The newst hit show,
让一个平凡人类 Where it pits a man...
与汽车作战 versus a car.
今晚这集 On tonight's episode,
Michael Jenkins将会对阵一台普通老汽车 Michael Jenkins fights a regular old car.
比赛开始 Here we go.
他在使劲儿推 Oh, he's pushing his way through.
他尝试着打败那台汽车 He's trying to fight that car,
但汽车似乎占据着上风 But the car seems to have the upper hand.
不好了 他有点被推回去了 Oh, he's got a little bit of pushback there.
不妙啊 Oh, no.
他被汽车碾成渣了 He just got ran over and chewed up by the tires.
看来汽车又赢了一局 I guess that's another one for the cars.
汽车难道还能输不成 I mean, wouldn't the cars always win?
Samatha 我想知道 Samantha, I need to know,
你能理解 我有一双眼穴这件事 That you understand that I have a couple of eyeholes.
我理解 我知道你有眼穴 I do. I do understand about your eyeholes.
看看我的眼穴 Here, look at my eyeholes.
天啊 你有八个眼穴 Oh, my god. You have eight eye ho-- holes.
我在往你的眼穴里看呢 Ohh, I'm looking through your eyeholes.
就是这样 望穿我的眼穴 Yes, look through my eyeholes.
我是眼穴侠 I'm the eyehole...man.
只有我才能拥有眼穴 I'm the only one that's allowed to have eye holes.
留下我的眼穴滚出去 Get up on out of here with my eyeholes.
眼穴 今天就去买吧 Eyeholes. Get them today.
Morty 你要小心点 You got to be careful, Morty.
如果那家伙抓到你拿着一盒他的眼穴 If that guy catches you with a box of his eyeholes,
他会破窗而入 He comes bursting in through a window
然后暴打你一顿 And just starts kicking the shit out of you.
不过这个险值得冒 But it's worth the risk.
Morty 眼穴入口即溶 十分美味 They melt in your mouth, Morty. They're delicious.
爸 你居然还在跟他们解释外星麦片 Dad, I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal.
- 我们都在担心Jerry - 三十九年后才来担心太晚了 - We're worried about Jerry. - Well, you're 39 years too late,
反正他已经活了多少年 就晚了多少年了 Or, you know, however old he is.
他 有五十岁了吗 Is he -- is he 50?
Beth 我的天 他五十岁了吗 Jesus Christ, Beth, is -- is Jerry 50?
我这是在哪 Where am I?
放轻松 Smith先生 您正身处一所外星医院 Relax, Mr. Smith. You're in an alien hospital.
对你来说是一所外星医院 I mean, to you, it's an alien hospital.
对我来说 只是一所医院 To me, you're just in a hospital.
我们还需要跟您讨论一个问题 There's another matter we need to discuss with you.
好 Okay.
一小时前 Shrimply Pibbles An hour ago, Shrimply Pibbles,
银河系最具影响的民权领袖 The galaxy's most influential civil rights leader,
被带到了这所医院的急症室 Was brought to this hospital's emergency room,
他现在还没脱离生命危险 Where he is currently fighting for his life.
天啊 My god.
Smith先生 我们可以拯救Shrimply Pibbles Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibbles' life
只要用你的人类阴茎来替代他的心脏 Can be saved if we replace his heart with your human penis.
我懂了 等等 什么 I see. Wait, what?
作为替代品非常完美 It's perfect.
静脉的分布构成 The configuration of veins,
厚度与弹性的比值 The ratio of thickness to elasticity,
你所谓"蛋蛋"的细微不对称 The delicate asymmetry of what you call your balls,
只需相对少的调整 And with relatively few adjustments,
您的生殖器就能为全宇宙最重要的人 Your genitals can be molded into a functioning heart
塑造一个机能完整的心脏 For the most important man in the universe.
- 话是这么讲 - 算了吧 - yeah, but I mean - oh,forget it!
早就说了这完全是浪费时间 I told you this was a waste of time!
Yarp 礼貌点 Have respect, Yarp.
地球上的人类世界又小又落后 The earth man's world is tiny and undeveloped.
他根本不知道Clorgon种族灭绝事件 He knows nothing of the Genocides of Clorgon
又或者65.3432.23/14悲剧 Or the tragic events of 65.3432.23/14.
就算知道 他也无法理解 And even if he did, he wouldn't comprehend them.
我曾经在人类世界居住过 I've dwelt among the humans.
他们的全部文明都围绕着阳物 Their entire culture is built around their penises.
笑它小 能成笑料 It's funny to say they are small.
说它大 也能逗趣 It's funny to say they are big.
我曾经去过他们的派对 I've been at parties
人类拿着瓶子 铅笔 暖水壶 Where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses
放在他们身前 还叫着 In front of themselves and called out,
"快来看啊 我是某物丁丁先生 "Hey, look at me. I'm Mr. So-and-so-dick.
我的丁丁是个某物 I've got such-and-such for a penis."
然后就是哄堂大笑 从来不会冷场 I never saw it fail to get a laugh.
够了 真是够了 All right! That's enough!
你们在议论我的种族 You guys are talking about my species.
我们知道什么叫种族灭绝 我们有时干这种事儿 We understand genocide. We do it sometimes.
这么说你愿意捐献你的阴茎 Then you would give your penis
- 来帮助Shrimply Pibbles渡过难关吗 - 别问了 - So that Shrimply Pibbles might live? - Stop asking!
我愿意捐 Yes, I will!
没错 混蛋们 That's right, assholes.
拿走我的阴茎吧 全拿走 Take my penis. Take it all!
告诉你们那Shrimply Pibbles And tell Shrimply Pibbles
银河系有难需要帮助的时候 That when the galaxy came calling,
地球的Jerry Smith可没有打退堂鼓 Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!
怎么了 Morty Hey, w-what's wrong, Morty?
你在担心你爸吗 Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh?
不是 Huh? Oh, no, no, no.
我只是在看那个 I'm just -- I'm just looking
取咖啡的女人 At that lady over there getting coffee.
她的脸怎么了 What's up with her face?
她是人 还是像Worf一样 Is she human, or is she like Worf?
你知道<星际迷航>的Worf吗 You know, worf from "Star trek,"
他的脸就是一副鬼样子 How he has all that shit all over his face,
但只是个穿上戏服的人类 But he's just a human in a costume, you know?
- Morty 看看还有什么别的节目吧 - 好吧 - Morty, uh, let's see what else is on, huh? - Okay.
欢迎回到我们的节目 <我怎么到这来的> And now we're back to "How did I get here?"
全球唯一一个会让你问自己 The only show that makes you ask yourself,
"我怎么到这来的"的节目 "How did I get here?"
欢迎第一位参与者 Here's our first person.
我的老天 Oh. Oh, my god.
我怎么到这来的 How did I get here?
有人在吗 Hello?!
我怎么到这来的 来人啊 救命 How did I get here?! Somebody, help me, please!
妈呀 这不是那个脸上一坨鬼玩意儿的女的吗 Holy crap! Look, it's that lady with the shit on her face
跟<星际迷航>里Worf似的 在拿咖啡那女的 Like Worf from "Star trek" That was getting coffee!
她怎么到那了 How did she get there?!
我的天 Morty 她怎么到那的 Oh, my god, Morty, how did she get there?
她怎么到那的 How did she get there?
这事儿我们是不是应该小心点儿啊 Is that something we should be concerned about?
离那台咖啡机远点就好 Just stay away from the coffee machine.
呼叫全体Jan-Michael Vincents Calling all Jan-Michael Vincents.
Jan-Michael Vincent 美国八十年代著名冒险动作片明星
呼叫全体Jan-Michael Vincents Calling all Jan-Michael Vincents.
在这个世界 In a world
有八个Jan-Michael Vincents Where there's eight Jan-Michael Vincents...
我们需要一个Jan-Michael Vincents We need one Jan-Michael Vincents
到C区 To quadrant "C."
我们需要两个Jan-Michael Vincents到E区 We need two Jan-Michael Vincents to quadrant "E."
还有十六个区 ...and 16 quadrants,
现在只够时间让一个Jan-Michael Vincents There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincents
到一个区 To make it to a quadrant.
他不能同时出现在两个区 He can't be at two quadrants at once.
Rick 谁是Jan-Michael Vincents Hey, Rick, who -- who is Jan-Michael Vincents?
我的天 Oh, man.
Morty 我在努力回想 I'm trying to remember, Morty.
Jan-Michael Vincents已经被耗尽了 Jan-Michael Vincents are used up.
我需要一个Jan-Michael Vincents I need a goddamn Jan-Michael Vincents.
我需要知道谁是Jan-Michael Vincents Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincentswas
- 才能看懂这部剧吗 - 不用 - in order to get this? - nope.
我拒绝通过这项法案来允许 I-I refuse to send the legislation that allows
超过八个Jan-Michael Vincents More than Jan-Michael Vincents
出现在同一个片区的议案 To a precinct.
这个一(jan)月 This Jan-uary,
Michael掉你的Vincents的时候到了 It's time to Michael down your Vincents.
"Jan quadrant Vincent 16" "Jan quadrant Vincent 16."
是Jan-Michael啊 That's Jan-Michael.
麻烦护士小姐 可以测一下我的体温吗 Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature
因为我可能得了 Because I think I have
Jan quadrant Vincents热 Jan quadrant Vincents fever over here.
很棒 Morty 真不错 All right, Morty! You've done it.
我们会移除你的性器官 So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base
通过切开这里 这里和这里 By making incisions here, here, and here.
明白 Got it.
留下部分长度的切断的尿道 Leaving a partial length of severed urethra
引其穿过 - to be threaded through -- -
等等 我要稍微嘲笑一下自己 Oh, you know what, I got to -- I got to laugh at myself here.
我要稍微嘲笑一下自己 I'm having a little laugh at myself
因为我意识到我还没 Because I just realized I haven't run
我还没和老婆商量过 This whole decision past my wife.
你觉得她会不会有什么意见 Oh. Do you think she'll be okay with this?
当然不会 Oh, absolutely.
我做出的任何决定 Beth's automatically on board always
Beth都百分百支持 With every decision I make.
嗨 我是阿偷 Hey, I'm Stealy.
和我一起在这间办公室探险吧 Follow me on my adventure through this office.
和阿偷 一起 大冒险
开始咯 All right, here we go.
我们就偷点东西 We're gonna just steal a couple of things.
不好意思 有什么能帮你的吗 Excuse me. Can I help you?
先从日常办公用品开拿 Starting with common office objects.
停 打住 那是我的 Hey, hey, hey! That's my stuff!
订书机啊 笔啊之类的 Such as staplers and pens,
杂七杂八的东西 And all sorts of things like--such as that.
我要叫保安了 That's it. I'm calling security.
不要 No!
好了 All right,
这屋子安静又安全 Okay, now we're in the quiet safe room
而且刚才那些丢东西的人 Where none of the people whose stuff I stole
都找不到这里 Can get to us.
来清点一下战利品吧 Now, let's look at all the stuff we got.
战利品清单
一包开心豆 We got a bag of bobbish.
价值八个Brapple That's eight Brapples.
一个Plumbus We got a plumbus.
价值六个半Brapple That's 6 1/2 brapples.
还有 呃 挤扁的饮料杯 We got, uh, crushed red party cups.
价值十五个半Brapple 15 1/2 Brapples.
欢迎回到"搞笑即兴歌" Welcome back to "Funny songs".
都是即兴创作 乐趣无穷 It's all improvised. It's very funny.
我需要一个观众配合 I need a volunteer from the audience.
我是节目的忠实粉丝 Um, longtime fan of the show. Uh--
你是做什么的 什么职业 What do you do? What's your profession?
我是个税务律师 I am a tax attorney.
有了 来 来音乐 Okay, here we go. Hit--hit the music.
*我是税务律师* *I'm a tax attorney*
*哦哼哼哈兮* *Oh, geez, oh *
*忘掉别人吧* *Forget about everybody else*
*快忘掉上帝* *Forget about Jesus Christ*
*忘掉买买提* *Forget about Muhammad*
*忘掉 呃* *Forget about, uh...*
*所有的宗教* *All those religions*
*噼里啪啦嘭* *Ba-da-ba-ba-da-ba-bop*
结束 The end.
哈哈哈 真搞笑 Oh, my god. Oh, that was so, so funny.
- 谢谢 - 客气 - Thank you. - You're welcome.
保安 把他赶出去 Hey, um, security guards, take him out.
- 把他撵出去 - 你说什么 - Get him out of here. - What?
把这个矫形牙医赶走 Get the orthodontist out of here.
不要 为什么 No! Why?
从观众席拖走 宰了他 弄他 Take him out of the audience. Kill him. Sic him.
恶灵们 Demons...
把他魂也吸了 Suck his life out.
老子不鸟这些 I don't give a shit.
- Smith的家人吗 - 是 - Smith family? - Yes?
告知你们一下 Jerry情况很好 I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.
- 耶 我早就说了 - 真是好消息 - Yay! Called it! - Whoo-hoo! That's good news!
但是夫人 你能和我来一下吗 But, uh, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?
宝贝 有个事情 Hi, honey, so, here's the thing...
他们想 想把我的阴茎切除 These guys--they want to completely
然后作为心脏移植到一个外星人身上 Remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart.
需要你签一下字 And we just need you to sign off on it.
什么玩意 What?!
不妙 还是有了一个意见不统一的事 哎呀 Uh oh, maybe we got a problem here after all, guys. Yikes.
切除后 我们会给他装一个高级义肢 His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic.
并且有多种样式供你选择 Now, there's a wide range of options to choose from.
都在这个清单上 They're all in this catalogue.
老娘才不在乎什么义肢 这事太扯了 I don't care about prosthetics. This is insane.
你们这些人以为自己在干什么 What do you people think you're doing?
我理解你的感受 夫人 I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith.
我觉得你并不能理解 Oh, I don't think you do.
我带丈夫来看急诊 I, I bring my husband in for emergency treatment.
人就推走了一个小时 He's gone an hour.
你们现在就要把他老二切掉 And now you want his penis,
还给我什么 什么样品目录 And you hand me some...catalog.
这也太 太 太 哇哦 It's--it's--it's-- it's--I mean...
就是这么个情况 抱歉 Well, there you go. Sorry.
我知道有点难以理解 I know it's hard to understand,
但在地球上 爱高于一切 but on earth, love comes first.
Smith先生 有一些人认为 There are those that believe, Mr. Smith,
Shrimply Pibbles代表了所有生命之间的爱 That Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life.
他的命运决定着 His fate will determine
上千亿有神智的生命的命运 The fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life-forms.
天呐 有好几十亿生命啊 Whoa! Whoa. So, billions of life-forms?
上千亿 Hundreds of billions.
Jerry 你也 也没跟我解释清楚 I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain
整件事的重要性 The full gravity of the situation.
Beth 我觉得做决定的时候 Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision
不能把政治什么的掺和进来 Should be based on politics.
一个女人想保持他爱人的身体完整 Who could argue with a wife's decision
谁能违背她的意志 To keep her lover intact?
Jerry 这么说不太公平吧 非常不公平 Well, I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all.
整个就透着一股性别歧视的味道 In fact, the whole paradigm has sexist overtones.
Beth 这些能不能咱们私下说 Beth, can we talk about this privately.
最起码的 Jerry You know, I think the bottom line is, Jerry,
如果你想留着老二 那你就大声说 If you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud,
"我想留着老二" "I prefer to keep my penis."
如果整个宇宙都需要这跟老二 我还那么说 But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that
那我就成什么人了 If the universe needed his penis?!
如果我事事都阻拦着你 Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be
那我又是哪门子的妻子 If I did anything to stand in your way?
听我一言 Hey, listen,
你拥有樱桃小嘴吗 Is your mouth tiny and small?
那就快来"一点点"餐馆吧 Then why don't you come to Lil' bits
这里食物都是迷你型 Where the food is tiny.
都是寻常食物 就是特别迷你 It looks like regular food, but really tiny.
送到嘴里 尽情吃吧 You can put it in your mouth and eat it.
不会因为太大卡住嘴唇 Nothing gets stuck in your lips.
就是那么迷你 大小正好 It's just tiny and tiny and fits right--
尺寸正合适 Fits right in.
迷你千层面 迷你披萨 迷你派 We got tiny lasagna, tiny pizza, tiny pie.
还有迷你煎蛋 Mmm! Little, tiny fried eggs.
哎呀 还有迷你小人 Oh, shit. We got tiny people.
一点点餐馆 Lil' Bits!
你饿了吗 快来这里吧 You hungry? Come on down.
一点点 Lil' Bits.
吃[哔]屎吧 臭傻[哔] Eat some [bleep] shit, you [bleep] stupid bitch.
开玩笑啦 Just kidding.
手术之前还能打发下时间 You've got some time to kill before the procedure,
所以我估计你 So I assume you'd like to, uh,
想最后再使用一下你的阴茎 Use your penis one last time.
我的电脑在这 Here's my computer.
可以联外星网 It's got the alien internet on it.
这有小黄片 Here's some porn.
还有外星毛巾 And there's an alien towel.
这是我在另一个星球搞到的 I actually got that on another planet.
对这个星球来说就是外星毛巾 So it is an alien towel to me.
- 好运 - 多谢 - Good luck. - Thanks.
这是什么 What is this?
有意思 Hmm.
等一下 Hey, wait a minute.
对了 Smith先生 Oh, uh, Mr. Smith?
啊 我在自慰呢 Uh, yeah, just masturbating!
忘了跟你说 I forgot to mention,
我电脑桌面上还打开着别的医疗记录 There are extensive medical records open on my desktop,
我相信你能约束自己 But I trust you to confine your activities
- 专注于看黄片 - 必须的 - To the purely pornographic. - Absolutely!
好好享受 Good luck.
我的老天 My god!
Pibbles先生 你这是刚给了我的 Mr. Pibbles, you just wrote my penis
丁丁一张永留我身的单程票啊 A one-way ticket to staying on my body town.
接下来是Michael Thompson带来的"没发生"新闻 It's the opposite news with Michael Thompson.
大家好 我是Michael Thompson Hey, everybody. It's me, Michael Thompson.
今天教皇没有遇刺 Today the pope didn't get killed.
他状况正佳 在阿鲁巴度假 He's perfectly fine. And he's on vacation in Aruba.
另一则"没发生"新闻中 In other opposite news, information...
Rick 这家伙怎么回事 Hey, Rick, what's the deal with this guy?
为 为什么他的身子 W-why is his body, like, sloping off
从右边伸到屏幕外面去了 To the right side of the screen like that?
我也不知道 Morty 看看还有什么新鲜节目 I don't know, Morty. See what else is on, huh?
欢迎收看"煮遍万物" Hey, welcome to "Cooking things".
我是Pichael Thompson I'm Pichael Thompson.
等一下 Rick Hey, wait a minute, Rick.
这个家伙的身子好像 This guy's body is, like, sloping down
从左边伸到屏幕外面去了 And leaning off to screen left.
而且他还叫Pichael Oh, my god, and his name's Pichael.
煮点这个 I'm cooking a little bit of this.
煮点那个 I'm gonna cook a little bit of that.
你别拽我啊Michael Oh, oh, hey! Stop tugging, Michael!
天呐 连体双胞胎 Oh, my god! Siamese twins!
这两个人是连体的 They're--they're siamese twins!
你别拽我 我正播着新闻呢 You quit tugging. I-I'm in the middle of my news.
什么事都得围着你转 是吧 Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it?
这人简直不可理喻 Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen?
他有自己的新闻节目 He's got his own news show.
还有个正常名字 He's got a normal name.
- 换台看那个新闻 - 好好好 - Hey, flip back to the news. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
你可以看出来 我爹妈先给他起的名 You could tell our parents started with naming with him.
"就叫Michael" It's like, "Oh, Michael."
我估计他们在怀我们之前 They had that one planned
就已经想好这个名字了 Before they even got pregnant, I bet.
不是我多管闲事啊 I don't want to be that girl,
但是如果他们不同时给这两个人录节目的话 But maybe there would be less conflict
就不会有这种破事儿了吧 If they didn't shoot their shows at the same time.
你根本想象不到 Oh, Summer, you have no idea
这样能省下多少制作经费 How much money that must save production.
然后他们发现后面还连着个我 And then they found out I was attached along for the ride,
于是说"这什么玩意" And they said, "Ah, shit"
"[哔]的 干脆叫他Pichael算了" Well, just [bleep] it, call him Pichael."
[哔]你啊 你[哔]就是坨屎 [bleep] you, Pichael. You're a [bleep] piece of shit.
下午好 Good afternoon.
我知道你们都想知道 I know all of you are wondering
我们敬爱的Pibbles的情况 About the condition of our dear, beloved Pibbles.
你想要XP-20还是XP-20 XS Which would you prefer between the XP-20 and the XP-20 XS?
我还是想要原装的 你也应该这么想 I prefer my own penis, and so should you!
这个勇敢的地球人做出了无畏的牺牲 The brave earth man whose sacrifice
使Shrimply Pibbles的生命得以延续 Is going to allow Shrimply Pibbles to live.
有请Jerry Smith先生 Mr. Jerry smith.
大家好 Hello, everyone!
咱们再为Shrimply Pibbles欢呼一次吧 Let's hear it again for Shrimply Pibbles, huh?
他可真是个好人 He's a good guy, isn't he?
我也刚刚才听说他的伟大事迹 I've only just been learning about his accomplishments,
从他在Flirk Blirk广场上的示威游行 From his march on Flirk Blirk square
到他那持续不断的与海洛因依赖的斗争 To his ongoing battle with heroin dependency.
他最棒了 He's the best.
是啊 Um, yeah.
好吧 我刚想到 他的海洛因成瘾 Well, I-it occurs to me that his heroin addiction
可能还不为公众所知 May not have been a matter of public record.
你知道Shrimply Pibbles的母星的大气层的10% You realize heroin makes up 10% of the atmosphere
都是由海洛因构成的吧 On Shrimply Pibbles' home planet.
他的整个母星都被Clorgon的敢死队毁掉了 His planet was destroyed by Clorgon death squads.
他要是不吸入海洛因的话根本没法在母星外生存 He can't live outside of it without breathing heroin.
是的 我知道 我就是觉得 Right. I know that. I just think...
这人想耍小伎俩保住自己的阴茎 This guy's trying to get out of giving away his penis!
今日播出 "如何制成" Today on "How They Do It"...
Plumbuse Plumbuses.
每个人家里都有一个plumbus Everyone has a plumbus in their home.
首先 取一些dinglebop First, they take the dinglebop,
撒上一些schleem并且碾平 And they smooth it out with a bunch of schleem.
schleem可以取出来留着下一批接着用 The schleem is then repurposed for later batches.
然后将dinglebop They take the dinglebop,
挤进grumbo里面 And they push it through the grumbo,
再拿fleeb摩擦其表面 Where the fleeb is rubbed against it.
用fleeb摩擦的这一步非常关键 It's important that the fleeb is rubbed
因为fleeb上富含fleeb汁 Because the fleeb has all of the fleeb juice.
然后会有一个schlami Then a schlami shows up,
揉一下dinglebop 朝上面吐口水 And he rubs it and spits on it.
然后切开fleeb They cut the fleeb.
其间会有一些hizard There's several hizards in the way.
然后blamf们摩擦chumble The blamfs rub against the chumbles.
然后削掉ploobis和grumbo And the ploobis and grumbo are shaved away.
你就得到了一个普通的 plumbus That leaves you with a regular, old plumbus.
我一直想知道 嗯 plumbus是怎么制成的 I always wondered how, uh, plumbuses got made.
嘿 欢迎回来继续收看"私人空间" Hey, welcome back to "Personal Space."
我是你们的主持人Phillip Jacobs I'm your host Phillip Jacobs,
我告诉你们 我很关心我的私人空间 And let me tell you, I care about my personal space.
喔 喔 嘿 谁在我附近呢 Whoa, whoa. Hey. Who's around me right now?
都谁呢 Who's around me?
现在 我们为什么不站上面来 每个人都站上去一点 Now, why don't we step up here and everybody get stepped up
然后每个人都来点更上一层的私人空间 And let's get some stepped-up personal space
在这上面 Up in this place.
我们开始 Here we go.
我们有 一 私人空间 We get a one, personal space.
二 私人空间 Two, personal space.
三 远离我的私人空间 Three, stay out of my personal space.
四 不要靠近我的私人空间 Four, keep away from my personal space.
五 Five...
从那私人空间里滚出去 Get out of that personal space.
六 Six...
离我的私人空间远远的 Stay away from my personal space.
七 Seven...
离开那个私人空间 Keep away from that personal space.
八 私人空间 Eight, personal space.
九 私人空间 Nine, personal space.
你们知道么 我对私人空间非常重视 You know, I take personal space pretty seriously,
某种意义上来说 我甚至不喜欢 Up to the point that I don't even care about this—
我甚至不希望在我的私人空间里 I'm not even interested in having this skin
有这张人皮 On my personal space.
哦天呐 Oh, my god!
啊啊 好疼 Oh, it hurts!
好恶心 Gross!
真是个混蛋 What an asshole!
哦哦 下周同一时间继续收看 Ohh, tune in next week...
史上最佳的节目 ...to the best show ever,
我们都最爱的节目 The show we all grew and love—
"私人空间" "The personal space show."
更多"私人空间" 尽在下周六8点钟 More "Personal Space" next Tuesday at 8:00.
接下来 Samantha与男孩子们 Up next, the heat is turning up
正持续升温 请关注"北方人" With Samantha and the boys on "The northsiders."
你们能不能别一边尖叫一边呼喊 If you could all just stop screaming and chanting
还做那个不知道什么意思的手势 And making whatever that gesture means—
- 不好意思 - 让开 - Excuse me. - Come on.
大家 我有关于Shrimply Pibbles的新闻 Please, everyone, I have news about Shrimply Pibbles.
Jerry Smith的那些 Word of Jerry Smith
试图让自己躲过捐献阴茎的话 Trying to weasel out of his penis donation
已经传遍整个星系 Has spread across the galaxy.
星系各处的生命们都团结了起来 Beings everywhere have come together
希望能贡献他们的微薄的力量来拯救Shrimply的生命 To offer what little they have to help save Shrimply's life.
募捐的善款已经足够买一个全新的 最尖端的 人造心脏了 Enough to pay for a brand-new, state-of-the-art synthetic heart
比Smith先生的可悲的阴茎还要好 That will be even better than Mr. Smith's pathetic penis.
等一下 一直还有这么个选项啊 Wait! That was an option the whole time?!
你们太烂了 You guys suck!
是啊 我们烂 你还待在这干嘛 Yeah. We suck. Are you still here?
好了 Jerry 咱们回家吧 Okay, Jerry. Let's head home.
我现在不能走 大家都恨我 I can't leave now. Everyone hates me.
不幸的是 这个问题 Unfortunately, there's no surgical procedure
外科手术可解决不了 That can fix that.
真的么 Or is there?
- 手术刀 - 手术刀 - scalpel. - scalpel.
- 纳米医生 - 纳米医生 - nano-doctor. - nano-doctor.
纳米手术刀 Nano-scalpel.
好了 准备好了 Okay. We're ready.
慢着 Not so fast!
Smith先生 你在干什么 你疯了么 Mr. Smith? What are you doing? Are you insane?!
我是个好人 I'm a good person,
我要求你们切掉我的阴茎 And I demand that you cut off my penis
然后放进这个人的胸腔里 And put it in that man's chest.
手术不是这么做的 That's not how it works!
那你就得想法子这么做了 Well, you're gonna make it work.
我是个章鱼人 I'm octopus man!
我是个被章鱼咬了的海洋生物学家 I'm a marine biologist who was bitten by an octopus.
然后现在我 我帮助人们 And now I'm— I help people.
我救人 I save people.
我是个讨厌的章鱼人 I'm a troublesome octopus person.
啊哦 Uh-oh.
我得去做些能免掉麻烦的事了 I got to save some trouble
因为这里来了一个小麻烦 'cause here comes a trouble mite.
好恶心 Gross!
所有的跨维电视节目 Does all interdimensional tv
都依赖于这种幼稚的暴力么 Have to rely on juvenile violence?
好吧 Summer 可能制作人 Well, Summer, maybe people that create things
根本不关心 Aren't concerned
你那敏感脆弱的感情 你知道么 With your delicate sensibilities, you know?
依靠考虑个人感受而过滤过的信息 Maybe the species that communicate with each other
来交流的种群就是没那些 Through the filter of your comfort
直接交流的种群进化的好吧 Are less evolved than the ones that just communicate!
可能你的问题只能你自己解决 Maybe your problems are your own to deal with,
让公众去关心你的感情 And maybe the public giving a shit about your feelings
- 无异于一张通往灭绝的单程票 - 天呐 Morty - Is a one-way ticket to extinction! - Geez, Morty.
我看是Cathrine Hefflefinger还没回你短信吧 I take it Cathrine Hefflefinger hasn't texted you back yet.
我不想聊这个 I don't want to talk about it.
好吧大家 咱们回家吧 Okay, guys, let's go home.
- 爸呢 - 插播新闻 - where's dad? - Breaking news.
Shrimply Pibbles 正被挟持 Shrimply Pibbles is being held hostage
绑匪是一名叫做Jerry Smith的人类 By the human known as Jerry Smith.
切掉我的阴茎 Remove my penis!
- 啊 - 我靠 - Ah - Holy crap!
没事的 没事的 It's cool. It's fine.
肯定是别的平行宇宙的节目 是吧 It's got to be from an alternate reality, right?
- 你确定么 - 我不知道啊 - Are you sure? -I don't know.
快点 快点 Do it! Do it!
切掉我的阴茎 Remove my penis!
先生 放下枪 Sir, put the gun down
然后远离Pibbles先生 And step away from Mr. Pibbles!
- Jerry - 爸 你干什么呢 - Jerry! - Dad, what are you doing?!
我是个好人 我是个好人 I'm a good person. I'm a good person.
他从哪弄的枪啊 谁给他的枪啊 Where did he get a gun? Who gave him a gun?
那不是枪 那是个xp-20xs That's not a gun. That's the xp-20 xs.
啊 Ah!
哦 我的天呐 Oh, my god.
我是个好人 I'm a good person.
不 No!
不 Nooooo!
嘿 过得怎么样 Hey, how's it going?
这是我的屁眼冰激凌店 This is my butthole ice cream parlor.
我有各种各样的冰激凌 花生酱加果冻的 I got all kinds of ice cream— peanut butter and jelly...
还有香草的 ...vanilla...
巧克力的 ...chocolate...
还有各种各样的口味 ...and every flavor
从屁眼里为您挤出来 Served out of a butthole...
让您宾至如归 ...just like you're back home.
- 爸 - 爸 - Dad! -Dad!
发生了什么 我在哪 What happened? Where am I?
我是在做梦么 Was it all a dream?
不 你被打了能有50来枪 No, you were shot like 50 times.
57枪 幸好你在一个非常完备的 57. Thankfully, you're in a super-sophisticated
外星医院里 Alien hospital,
所以这事就跟取出个小碎片差不多 So it was basically like getting a splinter removed.
我 我只不过是想让所有人都喜欢我 All— all I wanted was for everyone to like me.
Jerry 你还记得那次你在一个youtube视频 Jerry, remember that time you left a comment
下面留言然后有人回复你 underneath that YouTube video and someone replied
说你是个傻逼 然后你回复了他们说 And called you a dumbass, so you replied and told them,
"傻逼才看谁都像傻逼" 然后你整晚都在 "It takes one to know one," And you stayed up all night
刷新网页 Hitting "Refresh" On your browser
等他们回复 最后还哭着睡着了么 Waiting for them to reply and then you fell asleep crying?
我记得不是这么回事 I remember it differently.
这次跟那回一样 你没法让所有人都喜欢你 This is like that. You can't make people like you.
你就只能等着他们恨你恨腻了 You just have to wait for hating you to bore them.
你知道么 你说的对 You know, you're right.
我不应该为了 I shouldn't be motivated
别人对我的意见而激动 By other people's opinions of me.
好了大家 咱们回家吧 All right, guys, let's go home.
如果对你来说没区别的话 Rick If it's all the same to you, Rick,
我要去动物园 I'd like to go to the zoo...
- 跟我的家人一起 - 什么 - with my family. - What?!
- 你说什么呢 - 我们为什么要去动物园啊 - What are you talking about?! - Why would we do that?!
- 这是个蠢想法 - 你有毛病么 - It's a stupid idea! - What's the matter with you!?
别这么傻行不行 Jerry Don't be a piece of shit, Jerry!
好吧 我错了 我错了 咱们回家 Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. We'll go home.
他想什么呢 What the hell is he talking about?!
- 啊啊啊 - 我是眼穴侠 -Aah! - I'm the eyehole man!
- 发生了什么 啊 - 把眼穴给我 把眼穴给我 - What is going on? Aah! - Give me my eyeholes! Give me my eyeholes!
- 把眼穴给我 - 橱柜的这一半是我的 Jerry Give me my eyeholes! - That part of the cupboard is mine, Jerry!
- 我是眼穴侠 - 你是怎么会有这个 - I'm eyehole man! - Why do you even have those?!
- 把眼穴给我 - 快救我 求你们了 - give me my eyeholes! - help me, please!
留下我的眼穴滚出去 Get up on out of here with my eyeholes!